The World According To Mrs Jelly

Massive Mega Stupid Clearance Sale!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 09:04:00 +0000

I am still alive!

However I decided to close the business at the start of the summer ....

So I have tons and tons and TONS of stuff to clear out of my workroom!!

Please spread the word amongst the crafting fraternity ... mention it on your blogs ... send smoke messages if you must, but everything must go!

I have opened a shop on ebay and will be photographing and listing all this week.

Visit my shop

Spend £30 in one transaction and get free shipping.

And if you want to see what I'm up to these days ...

http://www.oscar-and-rose.co.uk/

So. Where Was I?

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 07:02:00 +0000

Ok people, budge up ....

I left you in November after I'd just done that horrendous baby show and had got a speeding fine.

So Christmas came and went and then we were hit with Black January.

Black for two reasons ...

... I turned 40 and we lost our lovely 15 year old dog Poppy.

But I don't want my comeback gig to start off on a downer, so let's whizz on ahead to February.

Me and Mr*Jelly went to London for the weekend and did the tourist bit.

Granny*Jelly totally spoilt us and paid for us to stay in a four-star hotel. It had revolving doors and huge glass chandeliers in the lobby and everything. It even had a telly in the bathroom!

However, four star prices didn't stop some tw*t having a cigarette in their room at 2:00 am and setting all the fire alarms off!

Still, I did manage to get these shots of the London Eye and the very posh fire escape stairs!

March. Can't remember much about March.

Or April.

June .... nup, bit of a blank, but I'm sure it will all come back to me over the next few blog posts!

So. Here we are almost in July.

I'd love to be able to tell you that I've lost tons of weight since we last spoke, but, hey this is me remember!

We have got a new addition to the family though ...

... meet Jazzy

Looks cute doesn't she?

Butter wouldn't melt, right?

Don't you believe it!

She's the naughtiest sock-eating, shoe-eating, rabbit-pooh eating, cow-pooh eating, sheep-pooh-eating, stick-eating, toilet-roll-shredding, climbing-on-the-sofa, sleeping-on-beds, won't-come-back-when-she's-called 10-month old Lab you ever did see!

Here's evidence of how much she loves her socks ...

... in her food bowl, saving it for later.

And toilet rolls don't stand a chance ...

But we love her.

I want to thank you all for coming to the first night of my comeback tour, you've been a great audience, until next time!

Testing ....

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 16:04:00 +0000

Testing, testing ...

.... one, two ...

... one, two ...

Just testing the blog to see if she still works.

Is there anyone out there?

Just wondering whether to re-form the blogging-band and stage a come-back?

Sod's Law, 1,376 ... Mrs Jelly, nil

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:01:00 +0000

Dear Mr Law,

Okay, okay, you win.

I shall never question your power again in a mocking tone on this blog ...

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Seriously, Give Me A Break ...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:04:00 +0000

Earlier this year I applied for free tickets to be in the audience at the recording of the TV show QI.

Much to my amazement, I was sent two tickets.

Unfortunately, due to circumstances that went something like this - Mr Jelly couldn't get the time off work and nobody else in my social circle wanted to schlepp up to London and I didn't want to go on my own - we never went.

Ah well, "ce la vie", thought I in blissful ignorance.

So how far do you think I spewed my drink of tea across the kitchen yesterday when I read this in the Radio Times?

Can't see what I'm talking about?

Have a closer look ....

How much do you want to bet that he was a guest on the episode I was due to watch, live, in the flesh???

So that's Nick Knowles (re-live the misery here) and David Tennant who've avoided witnessing my drooling features this year.

Whatever's next?

George Clooney getting a job at my local supermarket, only to get fired half an hour before I show up to do my shopping?

I can't help thinking Mr Law (aka "Mr Well, that's just bloody typical") has got something to do with all of this ...

At least it's given me the opportunity to post some more gratuitous Tennant / Knowles / Clooney photos.

If you click on any of the photos below, you will get a bigger image ... just don't lick the screen too much ...

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My Next Letter Will Be From My Solicitors ...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:40:00 +0000

Dear Mr Law

(Or can I call you by the nickname I've decided to give you ...

"Mr. well, that's just bloody typical, isn't it?")

I note with interest that you do not seem to have taken any notice of my recent letters

I know you can't have read them because if you had, the show I have just done for jb*jb at the weekend wouldn't have been the worst show ever in the history of people not turning up at shows ...

I should really have suspected things would not go well on Thursday - let's look at the evidence shall we?

Thursday : a huge spot appears on my chin meaning that any customers on our stand will be so distracted by it they will be thinking "is she growing another chin on her face?" instead of "what beautiful products, I must spend lots and lots of my hard-earned cash on them"

Friday morning : my computer decides to compact all my e-mail folders to save disk-space. Little do I realise that when it says "compact" it actually means "delete", so I had to spend 2 hours restoring all my messages ... all 5,000 of them.

Friday afternoon : the bobbin in my sewing machine decides to throw a wobbler because I had the audacity to change from zig-zag stitch to normal stitch once too many times.

So thanks for putting the kaibosh on getting things ready for the show which is what I had planned to spend the day doing.

Saturday 09:00 am : jelly*bestfriend throws my plans into a spin by ringing to say she might not be able to come to the show with me after all because she is not feeling so great. I'm pleased to say that you couldn't quite thwart those plans because trusty Mr Paracetomol came to the rescue! (Although you did get your own back by making me leave my sat-nav at home)

Saturday night ... 11:55 pm : That was a nice touch having those boy racers blasting their music from their cars right outside our hotel window at the same time as doing donuts in the car park.

Sunday morning ... 03:00 am : And yes, those girls returning from their hen-night, crying and running down the corridor right outside our bedroom door was a touch of genius on your part.

Sunday morning ... 04:00 am : But your best and most triumphant moment was when you made it absolutely pour down with rain causing the overflow pipe outside our hotel window to pour water onto the metallic roof. It really put us both in mind of that water-torture where victims have water dripped onto them to make them confess.

Little did we know that the torture was in fact only just beginning ...
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I blame myself for not realising that all these signs were your way of telling me that the show we had driven 2 hours to and spent 4 hours setting up was going to be the biggest waste of time ever.

I should have known that it all meant that there were going to be more exhibitors than there were customers.

I could slap myself now when I realise you were planning for me to make only three sales in the whole day..

... to three fellow exhibitors.

Still.

At least the stand looked pretty ...

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Changing Gear

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:57:00 +0000

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Dear Mr Law
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Remember me?
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I wrote you a letter back in July ...
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Well, I have a few more questions for you:
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Why is it, whenever I remember to take a glass of water up to bed with me at night, I won't wake up once?
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However, when I forget ... I will wake up with a raging thirst and have to get up and go downstairs for refreshment?
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Why is it always me that gets the empty toilet roll?
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Why do I fail to notice that an eyelash / hair has fallen onto my fork full of food until that last second before putting it in my mouth?
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And while I've got your attention Mr Law, could you please pass on the following letter to your cousin, Walter Thomas Foster:
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Dear Mr WTF
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How is it that I drove Mr Jelly's ~~ridiculously fast, smelly, small, low to the ground~~ car twice at the weekend and am now convinced that my reverse gear is up and to the left, when we both know it's down and to the right, where it's been for the past five years.
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I've nearly driven into the garage door twice now (and a car parked in front of me, but let's keep that between us) because I put my car into first gear thinking it was in reverse.
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Until next time,

Mrs Jelly
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Yawnsville

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:01:00 +0000

I had occasion to go shopping at the supermarket the other day.

I got in my car and drove the 10 minute, uneventful journey.

I picked my trolley from the long line of them.

I 'ummed' and 'ahhhed' over the apples and bananas.

I put what I needed in my trolley and paid for it.

I drove home and unpacked it all.

There.

Wasn't that the most intensely boring blog-post you've ever read?

I bet you were waiting for something *mad* or *crazy* to have happened.

I don't know what's going on.

My blog used to be a place of fun and silliness.

"Oh you're so funny Emma".

"Your blog makes me smile Emma".

"I love visiting your blog Emma".

Maybe the pressure to be funny got too much?

I still feel funny inside.

(Not a "quick, call the doctor" kind of funny you understand).

I'm still leaving funny witicisms on other people's blogs.

I just have no more funny for my blog.

I can't keep boring you with my photographs - that's what flickr's for.

I even disassociated my blog from jb*jb so that I could be a bit more personal without worrying that customers might read it and think I was, you know, weird.

I don't even have a funny ending for this post.

Anyone have any suggestions?

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Give Us An "Oooooh"

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:12:00 +0000

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My Little Squirt

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 08:58:00 +0000

When I was pregnant, there was a whole raft of books, magazines and even telly programmes dedicated to informing me about what to expect at every step of the gestation journey.

Then when my baby was born, expert "advice" was freely available at the end of the telephone, at the mother and baby group, at the health-visitor's clinic or even from any stranger that leaned into the pram for a look.

As we entered the feeding him solids stage, there was a library's worth of books telling us how to sneak "green" food into his mashed potatoes.

(Sadly none of the books went on to explain what to do when he then spent half an hour at the dinner table picking out every sub-atomic particle of green from his mashed-potato causing it to go cold and congeal, giving him the perfect excuse to not eat the sodding mashed-potato either)

Then when my toddler started at pre-school, we were given plenty of support on his first days, able to stay out of sight in case he found the whole deal of being left on his own too traumatic (he didn't, barely giving me a backwards glance.)

And now my child is seven and it's caught me off-guard.

I've been lulled into a false sense of security for the past 7 years.

Sleepless nights? Piece of cake.

Teething trauma? Absolute doddle.

Terrible two's? I'd do it again tomorrow.

Toilet training? I'll let you know when it's over ...
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There's a conspiracy going on somewhere.

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He has an answer for pretty much everything and is caught between wanting to challenge the world and it's wife, and having nightmares which means he doesn't need his "mum" but needs his mummy and a cuddle.

(Be still my beating heart, he called me mummy again!)

Someone told me the other day that being seven is a trial run for being a teenager ... a "mini-puberty" if you will.

Great.

I'm so glad we're getting a practice run at it.

And I take no comfort in the knowldege that the next time he goes through puberty, I will no doubt be in the throes of my own menopausal, hormonal turmoil.

Perhaps Mr Jelly should just remove the doors from their hinges now.

So I'd like to offer my own advice on what you will need when your own "scrummy-little-munchkin" turns into a seething mass of seven-ness.

1) Bleach. And plenty of it. Or maybe this is just because I own a male version of the species?

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2) Several toilet brushes. (See point 1 above)

3) The understanding that even though you have been on this planet for x number of years, you know absolutely nothing. About anything. And anything you do know will be about the most boring stuff ever.

4) You will have to learn to look past the rolling-eyes your child will frequently give you. After all, it's only a step away from being called "Oh, Mother"

. Boy*Jelly demonstrating the preferred look of your average seven-year old

5) Try to put a positive spin on the word "whatever". Pretend it is child-speak for "you're great and you're the best role model I could ever have". Because you're going to hear it. A lot.

6) Stock up on lots of different types of breakfast cereals. This can sometimes alleviate the agony at breakfast time when your child is asked "what do you want for breakfast?" However, it can also work against you, in as much as your child now has too much choice. (Also see point 7)

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7) Mornings can be a tricky time of the day and are best dealt with in a brisk manner, lest the indecision of what cereal to have ("but I want toast!") and the sigh-inducing task of putting on school clothes drags on for ages resulting in the child burying their head under the sofa cushion in a fit of pique. On really bad mornings, when you are running especially late for school, it might be worth you joining your child in the cushion-burying activity. However, it's worth having a proper grown-up on standby to take over.

8) Accept that you will never be able to watch your favourite telly programme in one sitting again. You might as well accept that any programme/activity you have been looking forward all day to doing in the evening when your child has gone to bed will be interrupted with demands along the lines of "I need to go to the toilet but the big light isn't on" or "my duvet is too hot" or, (and this is my personal favourite) "Can I have a drink of water just the way you make it"

There's no point Sky Plus-ing your programme either, because it's the law that any programme you want to watch has to be interrupted.

9) Never try to understand the latest craze sweeping the playground. There's no point trying to fathom what Go-Go's or plastic bracelets are for. It makes no sense to anyone over the age of 20 and you'd be better off trying to understand how electricity comes out of the wall.

10) And finally ... take no notice of any advice given to you and just muddle along in the best way you can!

My Little Squirt
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I'm An Exhibitionist!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:54:00 +0000

Regular readers to my ~~infrequently updated~~ blog may have noticed my last few posts have been about photography.

This is rapidly becoming my new obsession and I'm loving seeing the world as potential photographs.

My trusty camera recently gave up the will to photograph, so I'm now the lucky owner of this little (but actually quite heavy) beauty.

She's done me proud so far producing shots like this:

Click photo to see larger version (it's worth it)
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... but I really must get on and learn how to use more of the settings other than "auto".

Anyway, I must be doing something fairly right, because one of my images is going to be in a proper photography exhibition here in Bath!

I took this photo a couple of months ago:

It's a huge, etched-glass, round window that is on the back of a building overlooking a huge car-park!

Such a shame that it probably goes un-noticed by most visitors.

Full window

But not any more now that it's going to be in an exhibition - it will get the exposure it deserves!

People will be able buy prints (yes, pay actual money for one of my images!) at the exhibtion.

If you'd like to know more about the event click here, or to simply have a look at all the other entries that got picked (and boy, I can't believe I got through!) then have a look here.

Too. Many. Sweets.

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:40:00 +0000

Well that's it over and done with for another year.

Now everywhere you look it will be stuff to do with the "C" word.

Boy*jelly and me hit the streets last night with the other monsters and vagabonds.

He went as a mad magician, and I went as a ghost ...

I wish Mr Jelly had waited until I'd put my make-up on before taking a photo of us both.

You'll just have to imagine me looking scary...

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Snappity Snaps!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:06:00 +0000

I'm still not really in a blogging frame of mind ... I am perfectly fine, just not feeling the bloggy "vibe" at the mo ...

I whisked Mr Jelly away for a surprise trip to London recently as he has just had his 40th birthday ... old codger that he is!

Off to Buckingham Palace

(we never made it ... too far to walk!)
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Routemaster bus ... in service!
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London sunset

.If you want to see more of my photos, head over to my set on flickr

See you soon

Blar

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:31:00 +0000

This blog is closed until further notice due to lack of interest on the authors' part.

Sorry, but I'm feeling completely uninspired and a bit flat.

See you all soon (ish)

Raise Your Glasses ...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:08:00 +0000

Do you remember the other week I picked up my *new* glasses?

I wore them religiously for, oooh, at least 3 days.

Then I started to leave them on my bedside table in the morning.
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Then they became the world's most expensive Alice-Band, pushed back on my head keeping the hair out my eyes.

Then I got fed up with them constantly pulling my hair out, and Mr Jelly got fed up with me walking up to him with a pair of glasses dangling in my hair expecting him to un-knot the mess, so I started taking them off and putting them down.

And that means I lost them.

Yep.

They're in the house somewhere ...

... probably with my proper set of keys that I lost about 3 weeks ago.

That means I've got to have a big tidy-up session.

Bum.

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I hate getting old.

(and don't anybody suggest I get one of those spectacle cords that you wear round your neck either!)

All Change!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 12:21:00 +0000

You found the new place then?

I haven't had much of a chance to re-decorate the new blog ... just a new header and a few tweaks to the sidebar.

Make sure you add the new blog URL (http://www.mrs-jelly.blogspot.com/) to your blog-reader to ensure you get notified of new posts.

(Or click the link below)

Subscribe in a reader

Any links that you may have to me on your own blog (maybe on your sidebar) will also need to be changed from the old address to this one.

See you when I've had chance to move in properly!

The Boy In The Bubbles ...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:52:00 +0000

Nothing of blog-worthiness going on here at jelly HQ, so I thought I'd share a photo I took of boy*jelly recently.

Yes.

His eyelashes really are that long.

Click to see a larger image.

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More Interesting Than Watching Peas Cooking ...

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 11:58:00 +0000

We are very fortunate where we live, (above a valley) to get some fantastic sunsets ...
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I was cooking tea last night and noticed there was a definite pink tinge to the sky ...

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I managed to get some shots from the front door whilst the peas were bubbling away in the kitchen ...

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. Look at the crows in the very top of the tree on the right
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We also get hot air balloons flying over as they come up the valley ...
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If you'd like to see more of my attempts at photography, or to see larger versions of these pictures, please have a browse in my Flickr albums.
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Maybe one day I'll be good enough to do something commercial with my photos, but for now I'm having fun playing with composition and lighting.

Speccy Four Eyes

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 09:43:00 +0000

If you follow my ~~inane and vaccuous~~ tweets on Twitter you'll know that I had an eye test last week.

I decided it was time to get them checked because most of our car journeys for the past few months have included the following converstion

(with me in the passenger seat I hasten to add)

Me (to Mr Jelly) : "Tell me when you can read the words on that sign?"

Mr Jelly (before I've finished speaking) : "Now"

Me (choosing one further away) : "How about that one?"

Mr Jelly : "Now"

Me : "Oh"

Mr Jelly : "Please tell me you can read the number plate of the car in front?"

Me : "Yes of course I can!"

And if ever there was anything to read on the telly ...

Me : "What does that say?"

Mr Jelly : "Oh for Pete's sake, go and get your eyes tested already!"

.(Actually, he didn't use the word "Pete", but this is a family blog)

So I finally got them tested.

I was sitting in the optician's chair when she asked me if I could read a line of illuminated letters whilst donning some fancy frames.

"Ummm. I can see that there's some letters there, but I can't read them to you, no"

Then she slipped in some lenses.

I said "Oooh! I can read them!" and then realised that, actually, that probably wasn't a good sign....

I picked up my glasses last Wednesday.

I don't strictly have to wear them all the time, and I try pretending they don't actually make that much difference, but it's no use, I can't deny how much sharper everything looks when I'm wearing them.

Upon being told I had to wear glasses, Mr Jelly commented that perhaps they might make me look more intelligent?

I told him the only time I look more intelligent is when I stand next to him

(boom, tish)

Before revealing them to you, I wanted to perfect my speccy-four-eyes looks :

.The "Why Mrs Jelly, you're beautiful " look.

The "Let me just think about that for a moment" look
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The "You're in big trouble now, buster" look

The "Away with the fairies" look

(although it was supposed to be "Office Slut")

And the, "Yes, they do make me look more intelligent" look
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Pride and (Maybe A Little Bit of) Prejudice

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:52:00 +0000

At the beginning of the summer I received an intriguing email from the

The Jane Austen Centre.

Could jellybelly*jellybrain supply their gift shop with 20 shabby-chic buntings and 30 patchwork cushion covers?

Cue much fabric-shopping, triangle sewing and patchwork making and me and some of my team turned a big pile of gorgeous fabrics into a big pile of gorgeous bunting and cushion covers (thank you Janine and Jen).

I delivered them by hand yesterday as the Jane Austen Centre is just down the road in Bath.

Did you know that Jane Austen lived in Bath for 5 years, and although she never wrote a jot whilst she was there, it did give her plenty of ideas for future books.

I know this, because I went on the tour while I was there.

If you ever pay a visit to Bath, I highly recommend dropping in to the centre - it's a few doors away from the actual house that the Austen family initially lived in before having to move to a poorer part of town as their money dwindled.

Not only is there a great exhibition where you can see a geniune Regency dress, rescued after it was found in pieces in a carrier bag ...

... but they have a fab gift-shop selling some gorgeous bunting and patchwork cushion covers - I happen to know they're beautifully made.

And of course, I couldn't pass up the opportunity ...

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"I'm a laydee don't you know"

I can't help wondering what Jane herself might make of my penmanship skills on this here blog what I write?

She did call one of her heroines Emma after all ....

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 08:25:00 +0000

I've had a few weird dreams lately.

Sadly, not the sort of dreams that involve George Clooney, Nick Knowles, David Tennant and a can of whippy cream.

Mmmmmmm.

Sorry.

Got a bit distracted there for a minute.

No. I'm talking about the other sort of dreams that leave your duvet cover looking like a tornado has ripped through the bedroom.

3 nights ago I dreamt I lost all of my lower teeth one by one.

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Little pegs of teeth just falling out all over the place.

2 nights ago I dreamt I was running along the street, only, and here's the weird part, I wasn't running away from anything, just running.

Me running for fun? Now that is weird.
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And then last night I dreamt I was in the sea with great big waves crashing over my head and I was trying to reach boy*jelly who was bobbing up and down on top of the waves.

Now I'm no psychiatrist, but I think I might be feeling a little stressed right now and my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

I think maybe it's telling me:

"look after your teeth, running is only for your dreams and don't go swimming in the sea"

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What's your weirdest dream?
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Eat That, Mr Jelly!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:51:00 +0000

You know how most evenings you get that moment when it's

"time for a little something"?
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Maybe a ~~packet of~~ couple of biscuits or a bowl of cereal?

Just something to take away the 9pm munchies?

Well, of course, you and I know what I'm talking about, but it's very rare that

Mr Jelly gets late-evening pangs of hunger.

(Clearly that's why he's retained his size 30 waistline, and I, erm, haven't.)

Except for the other evening when he made his way to the kitchen to get himself a bowl of Cornflakes ...

... only to find that a certain other member of the household had left only the dregs and crumbs in the bottom of the box.

He was not happy.

"Stop eating my Cornflakes!"

he ~~bellowed~~ quipped.

Duly chastised I ~~tried blaming it on boy*jelly~~ sulked for a bit and then got myself a bowl of recuperative cereal

(although not Cornflakes, obviously).

The supermarket delivery driver has just dropped off this week's shopping, and to get Mr Jelly back for the time he did this, look what is waiting for him upon his return from work.

(I have included the can of Coke to demonstrate how gi-nourmous the boxes are)

And yes - there are FOUR of them.

And even better, there's a chance to claim a free box of cereal on each one!

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That means he never has to forego a bowl of cereal ever again.

Not unless I eat them all first that is!

Minchin His Words

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 08:37:00 +0000

Last night I put all my recent spider troubles behind me and went to see another comedian with jelly*bestfriend.
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We went to see the comedy-song genius that is Tim Minchin.
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I risked us both getting thrown out and took a sneaky picture to show you just how close we were to the stage.
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(Actually we sat in exactly the same seats Mr Jelly and I sat in to watch Dave Gorman)
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Please, please spend a few minutes watching him at work, because he has some very sensible words of advice about the environment and saving the planet.
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..

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. He also sings some beautiful, heartfelt songs about love.
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And stuff.
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I had such a good time, I'm prepared to gloss over the fact that there was another spider-rabbit sitting on the stairs waiting for me when I got home ...

A Moment's Silence Please

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 08:32:00 +0000

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Dear Spider-Rabbit
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I'm not proud of what happened.
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I want you to know that I rang Mr Jelly at work TWICE last night and begged and pleaded with him to make the 30 minute round-trip to come and rescue me you but he ~~said I should stop being so pathetic and just get on with it~~ couldn't spare the time.
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I want you to know that I spent from 10:20pm to 11:00pm (that's 40 minutes) desperately trying to get you to go into a massive cardboard box that was on the end of a broom-stick.

I was all ready to slam down a big piece of wood onto the box so that you couldn't get out.

I want you to know that I tried my hardest to overcome my shuddering terror to trap you.

But then you made a run for it with your long, spindly legs and that made me scream like a big girl for at least 10 seconds.

I want you to know that my scream woke boy*jelly because it had

"double made him jump"

(Nice to see that exactly none of my neighbours came to see if I was alright)

Perhaps now you'll come to see that sitting on the middle of the stairs when I need to go to bed is perhaps not the best place to be.

Except you won't because you're all smooshed up in a splatted heap.

Sorry about that.

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Room To Rent

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs Jelly) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 09:04:00 +0000

(Before reading this post, you need to know that Mr Jelly works shifts and was at work when all of this happened.)

4:40 of the am this morning I needed a wee.

So I sleepily made my way to the bathroom, went back to bed and decided to read for a bit until I felt sleepy again.

*Yawn*

I reached to switch the bedside light off and there, sitting right by my light, was the most enormous spider.

It was so big in fact, I would go so far as to say it was half-spider, half-rabbit.

And it was sitting right by my light.

The very light that not 5 minutes earlier I had switched on with my bare hand.

Not more than 4 inches from my head.

The very head that 10 minutes ago had been asleep.

Beside a spider.

Of course, none of these thoughts went through my head at the time.

No - what went through my head is not repeatable on this blog.

I made a very hasty dash for downstairs and spent 10 minutes composing myself.

Then I did what any self-respecting blog writer would have done.

I grabbed my camera to show you the magnitude of the spider-rabbit beast.

Except, when I got upstairs ...

(cue dramatic music)

IT HAD GONE !!!

So now there's absolutely no chance of me ever setting foot into the bedroom ever again until the spider-rabbit has been located and re-homed in a rescue centre for orphaned spider-rabbits.

And now in the harsh light of day, I am left with the following troubling thoughts :

How long had it been sat there?

Did it crawl over my sleeping body to get there?

Is it now making a snuggly spider-rabbit nest in my bed?

Just exactly how many small children did it have to eat to get so big?

And don't anybody try and tell me that it was more scared of me than I was of it.

Because at no point did I see it running from the room stifling a scream.

Click picture to see actual size of the spider-rabbit ... if you dare!