The World in My View

Run

2010-10-08T19:30:00.003-05:00

Here we are running together.
I wonder as we are running in stride if we will be together in the end.
I wonder if you will trip, or maybe me.
I wonder if you will trip me, or maybe I will trip you.

"Run faster" they scream from the sidelines.
"Do you see that goal go for it!" That's what we have been taught for our entire lives.
"Don't Give up" That's what we tell ourselves.

Looking toward our hero's keeps us on this path.
We run following their examples
Some having traveled this road only a short time before.

Of course we are cautious of the terrors of this road.
However the worst terror of this road we will face is each other.
The worst thing we fear on this road is in fact our own selves.

We must run this road there is no other choice in our minds.
We will not run the other path of ease like the rest of the world.
We choose to create our own destiny.
No longer will we depend on another for our way through this world.

Run, Run toward your goal.
Run for your dream.
Run, but watch your step you might trip.

Self Pity

2010-10-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

Listening to you is like having a bad song stuck on replay.

You say the same thing over and over again.

It doesn't make any sense.

Yet you will not see it any other way.

Its all about you!

You and your pithy judgmental ways are old.

Why cannot you not see that everyone is not standing in judgment of you?

Honestly we are tired of screaming at you.

You shut us out and ignore our purposeful prodding.

Can't you see that we actually want the best for you?

You have ignored and rejected us for so long we must let you go.

We must let you be.

Alone in your state of self pity.

The World Does Not Stop For You

2010-10-06T19:30:00.001-05:00

Summer has come and gone.
The wind now cuts through the trees like a knife.
The leaves are hanging on for one last bit of life.
The animals are frantically searching for the last bit of food before the winter.

Yet here you sit still in the place you were in the spring.
Have you noticed that the world has not stopped for you?

Get off your stoop of your own pity party!
Start living life like you care!
You need to get your depressed state in check.

Its no use being self righteous about your position.
No one buys your lies.
Get up and get your life moving

The winter in closing in on you.
You don't want to get left out in the cold!

Come in out of the wind and be warm around the fire.
The winter will pass and you know that the spring will follow.
Because the world does not stop for you...

Leaving the Cold

2010-10-05T20:10:00.001-05:00

The cold seems to creep up unexpectedly like a bad day in a good month.

I feel unable to cope with this cold wind blowing.

I know you feel the same I can see it in your eyes.

What do you say we leave all this behind?

Lets run away to warm shores and loving sunsets.

Lets go where the wind is always warm.

Lets go where snow is a mystery!

Lets go find a place so full of warmth that you would be crazy to leave.

Let go to where we can leave this mess behind.

These others around us don't understand us.

We could make it so warm and loving here.

Instead they choose to keep it cold like a blizzard in January.

Come with me we will go where the sea is bright and speckled with diamonds.

We will go where life is perfect, where those who reside there understand what they have.

Come with me!

The cold is getting harder to bear...

Dyeing Alone

2010-10-04T21:03:00.002-05:00

What have you become?
I have reached out to you so many times I lost count.
I have prayed for you for so long I cannot remember a time I did not.
I have cried for you to understand for so long the tears seem normal to me.

You were once a shining angel, now replaced with a sorrowful corpse.
Your smile that once brightened the day of all those around has turned to gray ash.

Who are you?
Where there was comfort and love with you, is now like a desert of hate.
You have cut all those who ever cared to love you.
You spat in the face of your closest family and friends.

All those whom expressed love to you have left.
They have forgotten you exist.

Any attempt at love you twist into an attack on you.
I see you dieing quickly, like a once beautiful flower meeting its demise of the Autumn.

You will not take any help from those whom love you.
The only thing left is to let go.
Tis a sad sight to watch a person die alone, that need not die, or be alone.

Read the Behind the Blog

Together Again

2010-10-03T18:55:00.000-05:00

I thought I had lost you.
I had been chasing after you for so long.
After you disappeared from my sight I almost despaired.
Yet here we stand together in this place.

We could have been something in the past.
Its what you wanted.
Its want you wanted me to want.
But I did not want it.
I did not know what I wanted.

So you ran from me.
I wanted to chase after you for so long.
I knew if I did you would not accept me.
Or that is what I thought.

Though for some reason I will never understand you came back.
When I called out to you.
You answered by returning.

Now we walk this new path together.
Hand in hand.

Meeting You

2010-09-30T21:00:00.000-05:00

Imagine meeting You.
I can only imagine that moment.
The expectation is almost to much to bear!
I only want that moment as soon as possible.
I know that patience is important in this process.
However the waiting is killing me.

I have waited so long for this moment.
And now that I know that this moment could be real.
I want it more than ever!

Even if this approaching moment is ended with rejection.
It will still be worth it in the end.

Rejection from you will be the absolute worst thing that could hit me right now.
However a look from you has instilled something that will never go away.
Hope.

I am running our meeting through my mind and imagining your acceptance.
Oh how I pray it will be a reality!
See you soon!

Moving Forward

2010-09-27T20:21:00.000-05:00

They say night is darkest before dawn.

That is probably because you realize that the night has held you for so long and you were unable to break from its grasp.

It is only the looming sunrise that will rescue you.

Sometime in the night I must have turned the wrong way.

I can see in the early light that is coming from the horizon that I am in a garbage pit.

I don't really remember much about the night.

I remember the evening leading up to this night that is closing on me.

I put on the best clothes I had.

I shined my shoes.

I put on the best scents.

I remember arriving at the destination.

It seemed so right for me to be there.

There were no promises going in that I would come out with more.

In fact the cover charge just about used all that I had with me.

I must have been thrown out of the club at some point.

Either that or I left on my own.

I must have tripped and fell a hundred times.

The scratches and bruises don't lie.

I must have been blinded by the night.

Or I was blinded by the guilt and fear in my heart.

Somehow I found myself friendless and alone in this garbage pit.

My fancy clothes are now ruined.

I have no shine left to my shoes.

I am in fact the dirtiest thing you have ever seen.

However with the looming sunrise, I feel new hope arising within my self.

This is a new day.

Yesterdays mistakes (though they may be bad) are gone.

I must move on and leave those things behind.

Yes I feel bad about them but I must go forward.

So it starts now.

As I pick myself up from this pit.

And I take the first step toward the morning sunrise now peaking over the horizon.

Here I go.

This Mountain

2010-09-26T19:43:00.000-05:00

Ah there it is the symbol of life for me.
The sun rising over the mountain.
This mountain is a place of refuge. Though some nights it is the blackest hole. And even though I live here alone, I am really not alone. Because this mountain is my partner. It is in fact the only family and friend I have remaining in this world.

Oh how I remember the days when I lived here with my Father and Mother. And then beautiful Jacklyn. Oh how I remember Jacklyn sitting in the meadow where I am now watching the sun rise over the mountain.

We were married in this meadow, some 65 years ago. She looked as beautiful that afternoon as she did everyday after that standing in this meadow. I remember the sun radiating off her black hair in the morning sun. Yet as the years went on her hair turned to gray and then white. Yet it always radiated so perfectly I was always spellbound by the scene.

Jacklyn was good to me. We were never able to have children. But she always was happy to stay with despite her dream to have children. Alas she passed away some two years ago today.And so now in place of where we were married lies her earthly body. One day soon I know I will join her there.

This mountain and this very meadow has been with me my whole life. In fact this mountain and meadow have been with me longer than Jacklyn. This mountain has everything that a man could ever need. I know it does not have all the things that those do in the cities. I know that the cities have all that this world could ever offer. Yet I have something better than what all those other people do.

Peace.

Yes pure peace.

You see here I stand in a place so far away from everything. There is no such thing as wires and signals. And without all those conveniences I have never used I have gotten what everyone wants.

Peace.

It is on this mountain where I found peace. I found that within the simple things there is everything. There is love and joy. It is in this meadow on this mountain that I found the only thing worth living for.

Yes that would be God. I found God here as a young man. God created this mountain. He created that sun over there.

Yeah so I could have found God in the city or wherever I could have gone. But I found him here. Actually God found me. Its just that I was to busy for to long to talk to him. He was here all the time.

You wanna know the funny thing?

I would have left this mountain, a long time ago. But it was my pride that kept me here. I could have done something with my life. Jacklyn always told me I should do more than I did. But I was to against trying anything besides living here on this mountain.

Jacklyn used to walk every Sunday to the church at the foot of the mountain. She prodded me for years to come, up until the very day she left this earth. And that preacher, that poor man I always chased him off with my shotgun.

After Jacklyn passed on to be with my Lord. I found her Bible. I guess the only reason I read it was because it was so special to her and I wanted so much to be with her.

It was there that God opened my eyes and brought me to him. I tried to go to that church at the bottom of the mountain, but it got destroyed in the spring flooding last year.

And now its all I can do to walk from the cabin to the meadow everyday. As soon as winter gets here I will be dead like the leaves and the grass. I am not able to get around anymore to hunt or tend the garden. Oh well its better that way I know where I am going.

So when you find this I expect I will be gone home to be with my Lord. That ranger fellow comes by every spring to check up on me. I expect it will be him who finds me. Please bury me in the meadow next to the apple tree, right next to the other grave. You will see it when the snow melts. Oh and if you look under the bed you will find a steal box. Inside there you will find a treasure that some would kill for. Give it to that preacher man at that church at the bottom of the mountain. That way they can build a nice new building. Hopefully they can help other people that are as stubborn as this old fool.

Regards,

-Ben

Endless Search

2010-09-22T18:30:00.002-05:00

In this desert where it appears I must live I wander looking for something more.

Once I was wanted and loved.

I rejected that love for needless youthful desires.

I thought what I wanted was something more than what had been once offered to me.

I remember when we parted.

It was heart wrenching to me as I am sure it was to you.

You said "I hope you find what you are looking for"

In honesty I still haven't found that.

Now I wander the desert denying what we had together.

I know I cannot return.

For you I did once, and rejected you twice over.

Another I met in this dry place showed me love.

Then spit in my face.

And ran my good name into the dusty ground.

I have been unable to find love in this desolate place.

There is none to be seen.

I feel myself dieing.

I thought I found a source.

But they turned and ran from my face.

Please oh please tell me why did you lie to me?

Never mind.

Dehydration almost seems normal.

There is no end in sight for my search.

Perhaps my search had ended before it had begun

Though I would never admit that.

Savior

2010-09-21T20:56:00.000-05:00

I do not for minute pretend to understand your reasons for saving my life.

I am vile and filthy.

I am in fact a murderer.

Oh wretched man that I am!

For I live and you die!

I saw you be beaten.

I saw you walk to your death willingly for me.

Your very blood as it fell to the ground was blood given to save my life.

I remember it like yesterday.

I stood before the world guilty for my crimes.

But you stood up as an innocent person.

You cried out.

"I will take his place!"

Why would you do such a thing?

Few men will give their life for a good person.

Yet none will give their life for an evil man.

Here I am living proof that someone will die to save a criminal.

I stare at your lifeless form.

I cannot fathom why you took my place.

The Judge slammed his hammer down and declared me innocent on account of your substitution.

I have nothing to do but to stare.

I have no place to go.

For the man who saved my life.is now dead.

I am without a clue as what I should do.

What is this phenomenon?

The sun is now rising over the hills.

I see a incredible sight.

It cannot be!

It is you rising from your place of death.

This is certianly a thing of my minds making.

I am certianly mad.

You cross the distance between us.

What would have me do savior of my life?

Your words are simple and sweet.

Thank you for now I know what I must do!

I will go to the ends of the earth proclaiming your selfless deed for me.

For what you did for me you did for all people.

For you died for this vile criminal... me.

Yet the best part is you live yet again.

Thank you my King.

Unprovoked Gift

2010-09-20T19:30:00.001-05:00

I gave and you took.

You took my very blood from my veins.

You bled me till I was dry.

Then you stripped the very flesh from my bones.

Perhaps I should call you cruel and inhumane.

Perhaps you acted like a monster.

But we both know the truth.

That blood that you drained from my body.

That flesh stripped from my structure.

Was in fact the blood and flesh given to you by me.

Why oh why was I so foolish?

I gave all I could possibly give physically.

Yet you still asked for more.

What was it about me?

You were nothing to me.

You offered me nothing.

Yet I gave all.

This lifeless form left you behind today.

Somehow I found it within myself to walk away from your hold.

The hold that I put my self in.

In your desperation you chased after me.

I would not adhere to your pleadings to return to your clutches.

And with some unknown drive I pick myself up and I will begin again.

I stand here tonight and I believe my heart is beating again.

My face has begun to regain form.

Your welcome for your unprovoked gift.

Perhaps I will learn to not give myself away so easily

I doubt it....

Crying for Wisdom

2010-09-19T20:22:00.000-05:00

I find you interesting, yet at the same time I find you aggravating. Don't get me wrong I respect you as I respect my own Father. You are in fact like a Father to me. You have been there to counsel me and love me through many trials. I just don't understand your thinking.

I respect everything that you say, and I know you have purpose in your ways.
Why is it that what you say rubs me the wrong way?
What I want to do is not what you say I should do.
What I do is not what you would want me to do.
You treat me as a child, though the rest of the world sees me as a man. Possibly it is because I am able to be more open with those who are family to me, as you are. I am sure in your wisdom you can see many things that I cannot.

But I question your thinking.
Why is it when many around me tell me one thing, you say another?
Is it because you are trying to be different?
Or it is because you see something in me that no one else does?

Men of great character and respect guide me in paths that you instruct to not tread.
You are indeed the most frustrating person I know!
I choose to listen because, maybe there is a truth in what you say. Maybe just maybe you have the key to my confusion in this messy world. If only you would be straight with me. Then I would know the way in which I must go.I would listen, for I respect you as much as I would a prophet.

So give me your wisdom respected one.

I am listening.

Why are you silent with me?
Why do you never ask, why I am where I am?
Where are you now?
You have abandoned me to live this reality without your once sought after counsel. I will never ask for it though. For I have been burned alive by the experiences that came from your guidance.

I returned unto your place as charred piece of paper that flies into the night air and returns to the ground.

Come now respected one and help me in this place. You choose to help the masses and forget the one who would do anything for you.

Until you come to me I will take this path, subliminally maybe that is what you are saying to me to do. So I will remain here in your place until the day that you tell me different.

The Race

2010-09-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

Here we stand, ready to take off into this race.
You have been given the best knowledge and gear to get you through. Now the only thing that will keep you from winning the prize will be your own pride.
If you run to fast you will trip, you must pace yourself. Remember you must climb the mountain before you race to the bottom. In this race its not about who finishes first rather the one who finishes well.

Many will meet their end in this race, some will maim, steal, rape, cheat and murder their fellow competitors to win. Watch out for these.
Some will give everything they have away to their fellows, these will sadly die before they reach the first mile. Because they have left nothing for themselves.

You son must follow my directions exactly as I state them to survive this horrid race that all those like us must run.

Take all that is given to you, but be wary of the poisons. Give with your heart,m not with your head. Never give anyone all you have or you will be nothing to them. Always have more than what you show. Take few shortcuts. Run clean and straight, never taking your eyes from the goal. You must never forget why you run.

If you follow these simple instructions you will survive the race my son.

The race is beginning now son. Run as if your life depended on it, for it does.

Wilderness Friends

2010-09-17T21:13:00.001-05:00

This time seems to be a barren desert. Like a sad song on repeat.
It seems to me I have past this place before. Did I not see this place once before?
The realization of my wandering once again makes it worse than the first time I realized this reality. I guess this reality would not be so sad if it were shared with another.
This life is hard enough to go through with support. This life is 10 times the harder with no support. Not that there is no support in my life, but it seems again I have turned a corner to a place I have been one to many times.

Here I stand with my best friends who never leave my side.
On my right stands loneliness, he makes the nights he is not there seem odd. On my left stands guilt. He loves to to go away for a while and then rush back with new things to show me. On the other side of loneliness is friendless. He is a rather friendly fellow but he leaves me wanting more. To my far left is darkness. He travels with the other three to keep me in my place.
Periodically I will leave my companions behind and find others. However in my wilderness wanderings I tend to associate with these fellows for they are the only ones who recognize my existence.

Maybe my friend motivation will come for a visit. He has helped me to leave this sorry friends before. An all to common companion of motivation is false directions and I would rather not follow him again.

So for now I will sit and be happy with the few friends I do have.

Embracing the Sun

2010-09-16T21:14:00.000-05:00

I look toward the horizon the sun is rising once again. Recently the sun has become my enemy rather than the once fond friend. If only we could be friends again. I wish I could embrace your warmth.I spend my mornings with the windows darkened to deny your existence.

Its if the cold of the night is pulling me into a dark abyss of depression that I cannot escape. I feel as though I am in the abusive relationship of the darkness. It beats me and I cannot escape it because I will not.

Oh dear sun I wish I could run into your embrace and leave the dark behind. Honestly sun what have you offered to me recently?
You have given me sadness and depression. Your days are filled with hate and bitterness. You never send anything good my way, in fact all the bad that has happened has happened during your watch.
Oh but the darkness is comfort. Even in the terror of the night I find comfort from the horrors of your day sun.

Please oh please sun send me a perfect filled with love and joy. I long for the days lived in the past. Remember the perfect long days of bliss we spent?
Oh how I wish for you again to comfort me.

I give you credit sun, today you sent me warmth. I threw open the blinds and you came in and comforted me. Oh how I have missed you in my life. Please let us never depart again. I only want the darkness to be something I must deal with not something I embrace.

To You:

2010-09-15T19:38:00.000-05:00

Dear You,

             You were a friend to me. You were in fact more than what anyone can ask of a friend. Yet I weep for you, because you were the best to me, and now you are nowhere to be seen. I do not weep because I need you, but because you need me.

I see you fading away into the mist. You are dieing and you will not allow anyone to help you. I hear you scream as I pass from the demons terrorizing you. I attempted to help but you rejected my hospitality.

What must I do to gain your trust?
What did I do to lose your trust?

My pure desire is to assist you in your trial, as you did in my trial. Yet you choose to fight your demons alone.

Friend!

Let me help you!!

I say this not for my gain, but to save your life. The demons will kill you.
You have cut off everyone and everything that ever loved and cared for you.

I shout into the abyss, hoping you will hear my plea for your life.
Reach out and be saved my friend.
I love you

                               Sincerely,

                                  Me

Dancer

2010-09-14T18:30:00.003-05:00

Dancer I stare at you so intently your image is burned into my eyes.

Dancer I have studied your every form and move.

Dancer I have memorized your stance.

Dancer I know every move before you move.

Dancer I am in fact infatuated by your beauty, and the way you carry.

Dancer I admire everything about you.

Dancer When you are gone I cannot put you out of my mind.

Dancer I know it is trivial but you are my obsession.

There are things I do places I go just because of you.

Just because of you I have changed my very stance.

Just because of you I have risked everything to gain your hand.

I thrust my arm in the out to make you notice my existence.

I request a dance with you and you turn me down.

Silly boy that I am!

How could I think that someone like you would want something as pitiful as me.

To your credit.

You say Hello, you say goodbye, and you appear to notice my efforts.

Yet I am passed up.

I feel like I am chasing the wind.

You are a child.

You know not what you want!

You are still looking at what is the now rather than the then.

I stand here dumbfounded at your naivety.

You cannot possibly be that unaware of my feelings.

Is it all lies?

Have you told me what I want to make me happy?

Is it in fact that you do not know what you want?

I know for what I dance.

I can admit when my dance is not completed.

In this dance that we dance, both must end the dance together.

Can you be honest Dancer?

Dancer oh Dancer if this is not the floor for you then you may leave.

My infatuation and watchful eyes are nothing, if you do not return the gaze.

Leave now be free to dance the floor of another!

Know this Dancer; that this is more loving than asking you to remain.

For true love is willing to lose something as beautiful as you.

So that you Dancer will be truly happy.

Dance on Dancer.

Depart with my love.

Painful Inspiration

2010-09-13T17:30:00.000-05:00

You alone are the best at what you do. In fact there is none other.
I love how you choose not to let the world hurt you.
You are strong and passionate about how you live.
You choose to love without regret. You give all that you have without any exceptions for return. You own a heart of gold. No not gold but of diamonds.

Your smile brightens the day of all those who see you. No body in their right minds would reject your company. You could have all pleasures that this world offers. You could have every cool friend in the world. Instead you choose to live simply. Investing your time in a few and loving them for all it is worth.

I cry for you though...
You work so hard for what you want to have. It seems so unattainable for you to reach. However you have overcome so many odds thus far. How can I doubt you?
Your pain kills me. You hurt so much. You carry with you an ailment that there seems to to be no solution. Yet you continue to carry your head high. You choose to not let this worlds problems get to you.
You are in fact the number one inspiration to me.
I have seen you almost unable to function in normal tasks. Yet you stand up and push through the pain of the awful disease.
If there were some way for me to make it all better right now I would. I only hope that others will be inspired to work harder for what we are pressing towards like you.
Thank you for inspiring us all!

Dear Sir,

2010-09-12T18:30:00.002-05:00

I don't know how I can express my thanks sir. I may never be able to truly tell you how much appreciation I have for you.
Many have tried and tried to use me. Many have tried to make into something I would never be.
You however, have always accepted my wanderings and unsureties. You treated me like family. Your assuring tone and ever ready to listen attitude has not gone unnoticed.
I in fact respect you in such a way that I have never respected a man in this world. I know that men disappoint. However with your humble ways and peaceful character. I see a person I can model and only hope to have a small part of you in me.

We don't get to choose those who are family in this life. God chooses that in his wisdom. However in the church we have a spiritual family. To me in the spiritual family I consider you as to an Father or an Uncle.

You have given so much and you continue to give.
I thank God for you daily and pray that many more will be affected by your love and gentleness.
My hat is off to you Sir.

Memorial Prayers

2010-09-11T09:00:00.000-05:00

To those departed ones who lost their lives on this day.

I cannot possibly imagine the terror that you experienced that day.
I only hope that you made peace with our creator before that fateful day.
Not to discount the departed ones who lost their lives on that fateful day of 9-11-2001. But life is for the living. In my opinion funerals are for the living and not the dead; the same can be said for memorial services such as today.

So to you the survivor...
I pray you have found peace with our creator. I pray that you have been able to pick up from this horrific experience and live a life full of opportunity once again.
I pray that you have been able through this to learn about God and His Sovereignty.
I pray that you have not let this day affect you in a negative way.
I pray that you do not leave home without kissing your spouse, and hugging your kids. I pray that you visit your aging mother as often as you can.

To the Family's affected by this day...
I pray that you have rebuilt your life from the loss of those around you.
I pray that you give all you can to those around you.
I pray that you live life to the fullest and embrace all that life brings.
I also pray that you find peace with our Creator Jesus.

May this day be one that we remember not for what was lost. (Not that we forget that.) Rather may this day be remembered for the decisions we made because of this experience or those alike.

May we never forget those who were lost 9/11/2001

-Nate 9/11/2010

Please Follow

Mutual Respect

2010-09-10T19:30:00.000-05:00

Hind-sight is 20/20.
That's what I stated oh so clearly. You cheapened my futile attempt at grace. You bashed my head on the curb repeatedly and then left me for dead. Only to return again and insult me.
Not that it should surprise me you took every opportunity before this to tear up my world. You thought that I was a lump of clay for you to form. A blank slate to write on.

The only molding that resulted from your attempts was smashed by your hand of spite because of my independence. This slate has been written! You may have been allowed to write a few sentences in my life that would last in the positive. Instead you wrote a negative.
Brother you rushed the process.

Perhaps it was me... maybe I gave to much to quick, maybe I should have held back. Looking back I believe that is what I should have done. However we cannot change what has happened the only thing we can do is move forward.

What was it?
Did you really think you could totally shape me in a new way?
Did you really think that it was all up to you?

Take your cheap psychology and philosophy and box it up. Your reasoning's are cheap. You do not take time to invest in those around you to deserve the return you expect. An investment cashed to early has fees. Not only are you bad at your psychology, you are also bad at finances...

So that's it brother I give up on you... I depart with something less than spite and bitterness. Because those only hurt me. Honestly I don't have the time to spend thinking about how you did me wrong. Simply because I don't choose to allow that shape me brother.

But hear this do not attempt to shape another in the way you did me. Not only will it more than likely return the same results but you will find yourself more broke than this time, and honestly you have to much at stake to risk it the second time around.

So how about some mutual respect?

Cold Warmth

2010-09-09T19:38:00.002-05:00

Imagine a place where the cold rips through your coat. Where there is no comfort from the wind. Imagine there is no friends around you. Imagine you are in a place you have never been before. A place that is in fact a wasteland. Nothing seems to save you from this hole. This hole in fact seems as black as the blackest night.
That is where I am tonight...

I am surrounded by my few earthly possessions. I have not talked to a soul in three days except for a halfhearted hello.
I scream from this hole for hope of acceptance.
The sky is dark and empty. The stars seem to to laugh at my very existence. The air is so cold it seems to freeze on my face.

Somebody please come and offer me a drink!

I am so desperate for warmth I cry out to a passerby for pity. They simply pretend I never said anything and move on past.

What will it take to get someone to notice my pitiful plea for warmth in this almost desolate place?

Never mind...
My only option for survival is to pretend that its all unreal. To turn a blind eye to the cold and create a false warmth within.
Its OK really because its so cold I have frozen, and the cold is warmer than any warmth that has been offered to me.. .

Flower

2010-09-08T19:17:00.003-05:00

I stare at you as lost in some trance

You are beautiful

Your beauty is fleeting quickly

You have been plucked from the ground

Soon death will set into your face

Your petals will grow dull

Your life will be but a wisp of wind

I weep for your fading beauty

It is true that all good things must end

I put you in a glass

I gave you water

Yet your smile faded from your face

And even today you lost one of your petals

Who was the monster who plucked you from the ground?

I will hunt them till days end

When I find them I will give them my revenge

All this I will do Flower for you

After all that nothing will save your beauty

You are dead now Flower

After all I have done nothing has worked to save you

And the truth is Flower

The one who plucked you from the ground

Was in fact me..

Judge

2010-09-07T20:12:00.001-05:00

Hey you!.. yeah you!
You the one I invested everything in!
Not for personal gain like you do to everyone around yourself. I invested my blood sweat and tears for you.
You stand in your tower above me. You stand like you have authority over me, like you know better.
Admittedly you may know something I do not know. However let me ask you this...

Have you walked a day in my shoes?
Have you ever seen what I have seen?

You have never even asked what I have seen. Somehow it always turns back to you and your ridiculous pose. You present yourself in such a way that makes everyone think you have it down. Honestly you are not fooling anyone.
To me; for you to be in your tower of judgment is a sign of weakness. Though I would never tell you that because I am nothing to you. But someone you have to deal with. Not anymore though...

Come, come, Judge walk my path, live my life, see my life from my view. Then you will have credibility to stand and judge me from your high place.
I admit I have never had to walk your high pose, I have never seen what you have seen. My reason for that? Truth is, you never let me in close enough to walk with you. You actually hurt more than I do, because you never let anyone close enough. Your reason... "Its to risky"

You chose to write rules, I chose to break the norm. You created a bar that all must live up to, I bent your bar. Where we once held love there is animosity.

We could have been so much. In fact we could have been great. Perhaps it was my pride, perhaps it was both of ours. I chose the hard road. You however built a watchtower. You chose to never move. You became stagnant. You are an odor to those around you. You know that. No one will ever tell you this, because you have judged them and they only want your approval.
So tonight I choose to leave the shadow of your tower.

Know this Judge many will stand in the shadow of your tower and try to live up to your nearly impossible rules. Everyone will fail...
Know this also Judge, you will be the loneliest man in the world if you choose to remain in your tower. Even when surrounded by all that this world has to offer...

Tonight I stand in the moonlight, beyond the shadow of your tower. It is beautiful to be free of your eye, that I put myself in for to long.
So long Judge...