tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272Mon, 28 Nov 2011 01:02:07 +0000The very worst dating options the Internet has to offer.http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)Blogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-5792767129470381299Fri, 30 Jan 2009 10:25:00 +00002009-01-30T03:03:22.624-08:00Okay, much better now. Thanks for your patience.You'd be surprised how many times I've seen the headline "Mom says I'm a catch," or something similar in my perusal of online personals. It's funny, sure, but having seen it a few too many times now, I'm starting to wonder if maybe I shouldn't go find mom's ad.Here's an exceptional example of terrible headline writing:hi ladies, love to have fun!!!!http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/headlines-to-watch-out-for.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-173444834862474348Fri, 23 Jan 2009 20:01:00 +00002009-01-23T12:04:01.842-08:00I'm taking the weekend to address some minor drug addiction issues (i.e. experiencing the joy of withdrawing from nicotine.) In the meantime, amuse yourselves. I'll be back when my brain isn't screaming, probably about 50 hours from now.http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/on-break.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-8123282537620301381Thu, 22 Jan 2009 23:08:00 +00002009-01-22T15:13:31.736-08:00I love looking through the women seeking women ads, especially for the bi-curious ladies who haven't a clue what they want. Case in point:I am a 30 year old professional who has never been with a woman and would love to fulfill some fantasies. Not interested in gay women.Talk about the blind leading the blind. This is like asking the yard guy to rewire the house or seeing if your butcher will http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/woman-seeks-cartographer-to-fix-her-car.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-5414347679041835574Thu, 22 Jan 2009 22:40:00 +00002009-01-22T14:44:07.171-08:00No pictures on this woman's profile, and this is the entirety of her text:I'm not going to write too much here. If you want to know more, you'll get in touch with me. And if I want to know more about you, I'll ask you.Why on earth, when search results spawn a zillion profiles, most with a series of often bad but still extant pictures, would anyone want to know more about Ms. Mysterioso here? http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/very-worst-profile-of-day.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-5157443218874158746Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:33:00 +00002009-01-22T07:39:49.237-08:00This is just awesome!hey there......im in search of a woman not a girl to have some fun with. My bf and i would just like to find someone who want to hang out and spend some time together. (ps ) and for the haters out there (Stephanie) when i say bf i mean best friend.....so get it right b4 you want to text him and tell some bull stories......lol....i took another one from ya huh???Oh. My. God!http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/woman-seeks-to-expand-her-personal.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-423114343179474272Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:26:00 +00002009-01-21T14:38:42.048-08:00The forums and message boards on the dating sites are home to many discussions about profiles calling for casual hookups. In general, women state their opposition, and men state something very much like this, taken from an actual profile:***first off, its says I'm looking for casual sex. This is an OPTION.Actually, this is a fantasy. Look, in my experience, any date can turn into a one night http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/man-seeking-caveats.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-6262218394403606961Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:23:00 +00002009-01-21T13:29:57.876-08:00Maybe you should try Conjugal Harmony. Upside: you'll always know where your mate is. Downside: You usually only get to see your mate behind bulletproof glass.It says a lot about both me and this site that I can't actually tell if it's fake. The FAQ certainly could be real. Plenty about it appears jokey. As Plenty of Fish tells you in the e-mail entry screen, "DO NOT GIVE MONEY TO ANYONE."http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/not-enjoying-traditional-online-dating.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-2072800236785119790Tue, 20 Jan 2009 20:18:00 +00002009-01-20T12:19:36.171-08:00Sometimes it happens that as I scroll through dozens and dozens of profiles looking for things that are spectacularly bad, I run across dozens and dozens of really decent seeming people who've posted really good profiles.You are not helpful to me.http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/whats-with-all-good-profiles.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-2480717807922315809Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:48:00 +00002009-01-20T08:04:01.459-08:00Then there are those whose frustrations with dating and online dating boil over into a profile geared toward alienating the reader. This 29-year-old man is angry. Why?I have been told that the reason why none of you ladies will even talk to me is because there is no pic.That's very likely true.Would a pic really make you talk to me?Um, a pic and this profile would not make a lady talk to you.I http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/combative-man-seeks-blind-woman.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-8636645071422309133Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:38:00 +00002009-01-19T20:59:23.184-08:00I'm all for musings, I really am, but this poor woman needs a friend with benefits and a healthy dose of anti-depressants.Hi im very new to puttin myself out in internet land.Well welcome!Turnin 30. a new chapter in my life. and single who would have thought.I'm guessing her ex is a copy editor who just couldn't take it anymore.is there any one out there that would like to have a loving, genuine,http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/woman-seeks-pen-to-rewrite-past.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-2783519384048336200Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:01:00 +00002009-01-19T19:04:54.951-08:00Let Ellen DeGeneres help. The Chicago Tribune doesn't clarify whether her offer is only good for other famous people, but she's always seemed so likable and helpful. Oh, the talk show circuit. If you need a car, you go see Oprah. If you need a man, ironically enough, you go see Ellen.http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/need-boyfriend.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-4054637419503289371Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:06:00 +00002009-01-19T11:20:43.921-08:00I got very, very excited when I came across this profile right up until I worked down to paragraph 32 and found that the writer does in fact have a serious disability. Imagine my disappointment.Still, some of this is GOLD, and I just can't help myself. But I'll spare you the part where she quotes the entirety of John Lennon's "Watching the Wheels." Not. Kidding.Yes dear friends, I am evil.I'M http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/insane-woman-seeks-enduring-rock-legend.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-130505976104198357Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:56:00 +00002009-01-19T11:00:40.437-08:00The Lawrence Journal-World (of Kansas. I've always loved the name of that paper) sends forth an LA Times piece (good luck finding anything in the LA Times) called "There's no recession for online dating." Thank you God. Best "Worst of the Personals" paragraph in the piece:In addition to “this cougar is looking for her prey” and other come-ons, singles are now headlining their posts with more http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/so-people-get-lonely-when-economy-sucks.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-8226991473409833891Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:22:00 +00002009-01-19T10:32:53.504-08:00She gets points for honesty about the timing, but it's pretty clear that though she'd like to meet The Guy, she's not quite ready yet...Tall soon to be single woman looking for tall single man!Tall people are hot together.I am not legally divorced but will be in the near future.It makes you wonder if the ex is in the next room, doesn't it?The end has come a long time ago so please don't think I'mhttp://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/tall-woman-seeks-love-and-distance.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-927098504914945003Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:26:00 +00002009-01-18T21:38:25.204-08:00These are men bold enough to speak for themselves. And unwise enough to try.Gentleman A, whose pictures were not captioned, so we have no way of charting his weight loss odyssey.ok i have new pics now but not here the 1 here is old i have lost 35lbs so now getting riped up but if u like 2 see them u will have 2 ask and if u r mean or shallow or 2 good 4 everybody else just move on ....up date i http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/sunday-sinsational-round-up.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-1924366157775968171Sat, 17 Jan 2009 21:50:00 +00002009-01-17T13:52:42.960-08:00From College Humor:http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/websites-your-parents-think-exist.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-145947545953401864Sat, 17 Jan 2009 14:54:00 +00002009-01-17T07:24:37.365-08:00I'm telling you, these just write themselves...First and foremost, if you cannot take the time to read my profile then you prolly wont listen to what i have to say nor respect me, I am NOT interested in daiting a girl AND her man, or being with a girl AND letting your man watch PERIOD, I am looking for a girl for ME AND MY HUBBY, nothing else.Angry: check. Defensive: check.I am a 5 feet 1 inches http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/couple-seeks-wal-mart-shoppers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-1040335796016354932Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:54:00 +00002009-01-16T07:13:22.094-08:00Some profiles I read and feel my chest get tight with anxiety. Hey, everybody has their tastes, but somehow coming across a profile like this reminds me of the deep divides between the young and the old, the urban and the rural, the Red and the Blue.Hi and thanks for taking time to read my profile.Hi yourself, Mr. Man!I consider myself to be one of a dying breed,He's dying? How sad.a man who is ahttp://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/man-seeks-rigid-gender-roles.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-1713765178337698534Fri, 16 Jan 2009 05:31:00 +00002009-01-15T22:01:27.358-08:00Writing students are taught to consider their audience when crafting their work, to try to step out of their own perception of it and look at it from a likely reader's point of view. A standard question that marketing writers ask themselves is, "What does my target audience want?" and the work is then crafted to answer it. Trying to sell a used car to people with little money? Emphasize your http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/bad-openers.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-4934395132323830131Fri, 16 Jan 2009 04:46:00 +00002009-01-15T20:59:12.805-08:00If the caps lock thing hurts you the way it hurts me, PREPARE TO BE HURT. This 23 year old woman is looking for a lot, loudly.TRYING TO FIND HAPPINESS!!!Okay, okay, just calm down for a sec...WITH ANOTHER SOUL!Wait, is she saying she got a second soul to see if it would make her happier than the first? Like maybe she's born again or something? That's so unfair. I think I only got one.HAHA NOT http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/woman-seeks-cartoonish-romance.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-6628344124448795331Fri, 16 Jan 2009 03:31:00 +00002009-01-15T19:56:30.556-08:00Used by permission from OKCupid user Bridymurphy:On Any Given Day... I Don't Like You.90% of you, including me, have joined this site for the tests that we gleefully post on myspace/face book/live journal etc. to show all of our friends how savvy and funny we are for taking them. Eventually we all signed up out of obligation and realized the potential of a site like this. But through my deductivehttp://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/more-on-profile-cliches.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-1197056822009848784Thu, 15 Jan 2009 17:53:00 +00002009-01-15T10:02:15.359-08:00Bitter, party of one:I am so tired of being a Loser-magnet!!! I want a man, not a boy, that is going somewhere in life (other than the refrigerator)!!Duck and cover, gentlemen. This one's nowhere near over her ex.I have been burnt too many timesGot that.and now I am looking to actually be able to live a little.That's the first step in healing.A sense of humor is a must because I love to laugh andhttp://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/woman-seeks-winner-should-not-like-food.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-5767872605946738270Thu, 15 Jan 2009 15:57:00 +00002009-01-15T08:08:00.484-08:00So you join a dating site and you write your brilliant profile and lo and behold, the e-mails begin to pour in! Awesome, right? Well...Message: i am new here and looking to meet some good people. i just want to meet a good friend that i can hold at night and talk to till my voice is gone. is that you?According to the reader who submitted this, it was not.Another train wreck of a contact attempt:http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/worst-of-e-mails.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-8224150637801400907Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:35:00 +00002009-01-14T10:59:02.252-08:00There are certain phrases that are used far too often in online personal ads. I'm pretty sure that if the number of people who self-identify as "laid back" were extrapolated to the actual American population, we would find that we're really living in Canada.Interestingly, the number of people seeking someone "laid back" probably maps fairly closely with the number of people who identify http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/worst-of-personals-meta-cliches-of.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4260340784092737272.post-420664412715431908Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:06:00 +00002009-01-14T09:19:15.193-08:00New Yorkers write some bad ass personal ads. Here's one from a 28 year old in the Bronx.My life is pretty routine. I wake up at the same time everyday, take the same train to the city, do the same job, and come home. The next day is the exact same.Hubba hubba!I guess I'm looking for help breaking the vicious cycle of adulthood.This sentence foreshadows a future of childish outbursts for some http://worstofthepersonals.blogspot.com/2009/01/man-seeking-perspective.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (ISO - The Worst)0