Being First

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 20:52:00 +0000

Who loves being first? Delaware does and they use every opportunity to shove this fact down your "2nd through 51st" throat.

Delaware is known as "The First State," so naturally (and quite smugly) the state slogan is "It's Good Being First," as if to say, "We have no further interesting qualities to speak of."

I guess "The Forged Signature State" just doesn't fit on a license plate. One of the signatures on the constitution is that of an absent Delawarean deputy, John Dickinson, added at his request by George Read. (Source)

New Mexico, Land of Enchantment That might be going a bit too far into the whimsy category but there's the slightest chance you'll find some hobbits.

Florida, The Sunshine State Now I want to visit.

New Jersey, The Garden State Now I want a tomato.

Missouri, The Show Me State Euphemisms abound but I'm still intrigued.

Pennsylvania, The Keystone State This says to me "we won't cater our art to you. Google Keystone and then realize how amazing we are at metaphors." I know, I know. "Lou, that sign says 'State of Independance,' you're a liar and I hate you." Look again. That weird green shape, that's a keystone. Boom.

And yes, I like to think that our founding fathers knew Google would exist some day.

Delaware loves being first so much that they pass on or sell original license plates between each other and lower numbered plates are "highly prestigious."

Royalty

From 1905 to 1909 Delawareans were required to make their own license plates (being first only extended to pen-related matters, obviously). When they began making plates in 1909, they started with 4 digit numbers, making anything lower "the height of fashion."

Being first is so important that The Delaware General Assembly reserved tag numbers 1, 2, and 3 for the Governor, Lieutenant Governor, and the Secretary of State. (Source)

Commoner

Why the history lesson? The next time you take I-95 South on your trip to watch the Yankees play the Boston Orioles, if you see this type of plate you must stare excessively out your window at them as you pass (like you wouldn't anyway.. You're from NJ), for they are Delaware Royalty and expect as much from the plebes.

I propose a new slogan: "It's good to be first... sometimes." No one wants to be the first person with a new disease (Lou Gehrig) or the first girl in your high school to get pregnant.

Mission Statements

noreply@blogger.com (Lou) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:26:00 +0000

This guide is being developed in conjunction with the anti-tourism board of the great state of New Jersey, in association with Bon Jovi/Springstein enthusiasts, people who call it the beach and not the shore, true blue Giants fans, and Thomas Edison.

While being developed for the use of New Jerseyans, it should be noted that Pennsylvanians, D.C.anites, and yes, even you Marylanders can utilize this guide without harm, but prepare to feel a strong urge to leave your lesser states and "move on up" to the Garden State.

While we would strongly urge the practice of traveling abstinence in regards to Delaware, we understand the urges that pubescent travelers may feel to explore each others states. If you must travel to (hopefully through) Delaware, we strongly urge caution and preparedness. That's where we come in. We hope to educate New Jerseyans (and other, lesser states) in the customs, traditions, and lowlights of this cultural wasteland of a state.

The First State uses many tricks and magical wizardry to lure travelers with the promise of tax free shopping, lovely beaches, and misleading detour signs that cause travelers to abandon all hope of finding their destination and transforming would-be tourists into begrudging citizens.

We leave you with the words of a great man, Mr. Brian Murphy, on the topic of tax free shopping:

The only good thing about Delaware is there's no sales tax on the rope you buy to hang yourself.

The only safe Delaware traveling is abstinence.

The Worst State: A New Jerseyan's Guide to Delaware

Being First

Mission Statements