The Write And The Good

When Children Raved

2016-02-04T01:45:00.002-06:00

When children raved in warrior’s paint

and danced, like David, sans restraint

– when poets sailed from distant shores

– when lambs lay down to lions’ roars

– when old wounds healed and were no more

– when sinners turned at once to saints,

and hearts grew strong by growing faint

– in some miracle hour when the moon was mad,

hence insane men were growing sane –

I saw a sight sublime, a dream had:

A fairy queen danced forth cross a stormy plain

upon a single subtle drop of summer rain,

and stood before me with a curtsy and a smile.

Her form was beauty flawless: beauty without guile.

She stood there like a gift, defying explanation.

Her skin was lily like, and dyed with pink carnations.

Her eyes were colored oceans with depths for miles, and miles:

eyes soft kissed by gentle wind, misty, mysteriously mild.

With delight I gazed on she, like some astonished child;

with curiosity she answered, at first and for awhile:

as if I were a creature, new, and strange, and wild;

as if I were a riddle sent forth to beguile.

Midst curious conjecture, she made her decision:

at last, her face flushed red with recognition;

she tossed her hair in a manner kind and coy –

“If I am a girl,” she said with startled joy,

and held me like a vision,

“then you must be a boy.”

Wait

2016-02-04T01:35:00.001-06:00

by CK

Which way to go? I don’t know.

I suppose I should wait, but, oh, how

I hate to go slow:

Now? Now -- Now… Now!

I used to contemplate late and leap first,

and make decisions and revisions

which a minute will reverse.

– no more! I have learned to

stay up late and debate.

I have learned to ask
and knock and seek:

to give it a day or two or week.

Decisions! Who knows if I am right?

–if this will be wise in the morning light,

in the dark of sleepless nights,

and in the years and years to come?

I fight and struggle, struggle and writhe

in my bed

with these questioners in my head.

Peace of mind I cannot find; I cannot

forge ahead.

There is such untidiness; there’s no

oracle at Delphi.

There’s just my mind, my Maker, and me,

and this decision.

and the years unfolding like the pages

of a book I cannot read,

with the weight of consequences,

like unpaid wages; consequences I can’t see.

Impetuous self! Sit still!

Wait for the cloud and pillar of fire

to move your will.

Wait! – for peace of mind,

wait and take your time.

Wait! – and you will find

some direction and some rhyme

and reason.

Quotes On Atheism

2016-02-04T01:34:00.003-06:00

Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a 
policeman... If there were no God, there would be no atheists.

=G.K. Chesterton

Atheists express their rage against God, although, in their view. He does not exist.
C.S. Lewis

You say, "If I if I had a little more, I should be very satisfied." You make a 
mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if
it were doubled.

 - Charles Spurgeon

A good question for an atheist: after taking him out to dinner, ask him if he  
believes there is a cook.

- Author Unknown

God does not believe in atheists, therefore atheists do not exist.

-CK

A Personal Relationship?

2016-02-04T01:27:00.001-06:00

"Do you have a personal relationship with God?"

This question implies a yes or no answer, and is likely to mislead.

"Do you have a personal relationship with God?"

Yes, you do. Whether we like it, or not, we do.

All our acts are related to God. We are all relating to God right now. We may be relating to him as Father, or as Judge, but we are relating to him.

We may not be concerned with him, but He is concerned with us.

On Perseverance

2016-01-05T19:32:00.002-06:00

“I do the very best I can, I mean to keep going. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won’t matter. If I’m wrong, ten angels swearing I was right won’t make a difference.”

Bits & Pieces, April 29, 1993, p. 15-16

-- Abraham Lincoln

Blind To Celestial Wonders

2016-01-05T19:31:00.003-06:00

Charles Spurgeon, soon after conversion:

I can get good religious conversations with Mr. Swindell, which is what I most need. Oh, how unprofitable has my past life been! Oh, that I should have been so long time blind to those celestial wonders, which now I can in a measure behold! Who can refrain from speaking of the marvellous love of Jesus which, I hope, has opened mine eyesl Now I see Him, I can firmly trust to Him for my eternal salvation. Yet soon I doubt again; then I am sorrowful; again faith appears, and I become confident of my interest in Him. I feel now as if I could do everything, and give up everything for Christ, and then I know it would be nothing in comparison with His love. I am hopeless of ever making anything like a return. How sweet is prayer! I would be always engaged in it. How beautiful is the Bible! I never loved it so before; it seems to me as necessary food. I feel that I have not one particle of spiritual life in me but what the Spirit placed there. I feel that I cannot live if He depart; I tremble and fear lest I should grieve Him. I dread lest sloth or pride should overcome me, and I should dishonor the gospel by neglect of prayer, or the Scriptures, or by sinning against God.

Historical Self-Righteousness

2016-01-05T19:29:00.004-06:00

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Historical Self-Righteousness

Self-righteousness is the attitude of the man who says, "I thank God that I am not like other men. I do all the right stuff. I don't do the wrong stuff. I stand alone on the moral mountain. I look down, and pity everyone else below, mired as they are in the moral sewer (cf. Lk. 18.9-14)."

Self-righteous people tend to:
1) Judge others for their mistakes, "You should have... How could you... "
2) Complain of how they have been slighted, "Everyone has done me wrong. Poor me."
3) Walk around with a sense of stupefied moral outrage, "I can't believe those people did that. How dare they! How could they?"
4) Assume they are the last righteous person on a sea of moral shipwrecks, "All those Christians are hypocrites."
5) Have a very high view of their own moral abilities, and supreme confidence in their own judgment, "I will never compromise. Even if all others stray, I'll stand strong. They failed, but I would have done better."

Generally, we speak of self-righteous people as they relate to their contemporaries, especially their family, friends, fellow workers, and even Church.

However, I believe self-righteousness can also show itself as we relate to our forefathers. Let's call this historical self-righteousness. This is the attitude of the person who looks back in history, condemns all who went before, and concludes that the present generation is the first (and only) morally clean seed of Adam.

Historical self-righteousness seems to be on the rise. Note, for example, how many scathing biographies have come out in recent years. The targets have included men like George Washington, George Whitfield, Francis Schaeffer, and C.S. Lewis. The sole purpose of these biographies seems to be tearing down these lofty figures for all their supposed faults. The authors pride themselves on having a superior moral position.

I want to make a few simple points in response to this trend:

First -- I doubt you (Mr. Biographer) or I would have done better under similar circumstances. Remember, when we consider the great men of history, we are considering men that are gifted above most people who ever lived (including YOU and ME). Thus, I doubt we would have done better in their circumstances. I'm sure we would have done worse.

Second -- don't forget that we ourselves have our own generational sins. Our great-great grand children will look back, 100 years from now, and say, "How could those people have been so blind about .... Why didn't they do more to stop it... Did they really believe...?"

Third -- historical self-righteousness is as dangerous as any other self-righteousness. It separates you from past humanity because you are 'so superior.' It shuts your ears to what you might learn from previous generations. It cuts you off from the ability to see your own sins (or those of your own generation). It blinds you to your own need of God's grace.

So, as we look back on our forefathers, let us not have the basic attitude of self-righteousness. Instead, let us pray, "We are not worthy even to look up to heaven. God have mercy on us."

Finally, a word to biographers. Aren't we all biographers? Aren't we all engaged in processing the figures of history? We 'write' the lives of those who went before us whenever we speak about them. This includes 'writing' about our grandparents and parents. This includes 'writing' about the heroes of history: Socrates, Julius Caeser, George Washington, et. al. This also includes 'writing' about the heroes of the faith: Augustine, Chrysostom, Francis of Assisi, Martin Luther, John Calvin, C.S. Lewis, et. al., and all who comprise the cloud of witnesses who went before us. All who, even now, are with Christ in glory.

My final word is a word of warning to all us biographers. This is from Michael Jose's review of A.N. Wilson's bitterly critical and self-righteous biography of C.S. Lewis:

"I am strongly reminded of the position in which John Betjeman's biographer, Bevis Hillier found himself. He tells us that he decided to avoid producing a 'critical biography', which is an illegitimate art-form, as it 'yokes together historical narrative and literary criticism'. This is Wilson's error, and he compounds it with his own repetitious and subjective brand of psychoanalysis. It is as if he cannot restrict himself to any one role, or even a coherent set of roles. He wants to be an honest broker, iconoclast, Devil's Advocate, psychoanalyst, literary critic, and historian by turns. He fails."

Bad Dreams, and The Good Fight

2016-01-05T19:29:00.001-06:00

Bad Dreams and the Good Fight

I sometimes feel like I am waking up from a bad dream.

The sensation is like this... I see things, shocking things, before my eyes."It can't be this bad," I mumble, in sleepy daze.

I rub my eyes, and listen for a moment. I'm aware that I am half asleep, half awake. As I'm waking, I look at the world around me with puzzlement. I see figures like ghosts. I see the lips of the ghosts moving, and I hear distant voices. They are muttering indistinct words about wealth, happiness, and personal peace. The ghosts are moving quickly, and stumbling recklessly. They are bent on cruelty. The cruelty is outlandish, almost too cruel to be real.

Faced with such cruelty, I comfort myself, "Thankfully, I dreamed this. I must have dreamed this. It can't be this bad."

Then, I realize -- I have been awake the whole time. It was worse than a bad dream. It was a bad reality. I only thought I was dreaming so I might, for a moment, escape from the stern world of reality.

I get this sensation every so often when someone does something truly cruel. I got this sensation almost daily when my mom was in ICU. I could hardly believe the way medical professionals treated my mother. Can people be this uncaring, this careless, this unprofessional? Again and again, I would rub my eyes, and hope it was a bad dream. It wasn't. That uncaring, that careless, that unprofessional? Yes, they can. Jesus wasn't kidding when he said beware of men.

Looking bad, this bad dream sensation is a recurring nightmare. Over the years, fairly frequently, I meet someone, and I walk away thinking, "Really? Could a person have that little love? That little sense of common humanity? Could a person be that blind?"

I rub my eyes, and try to focus. Perhaps my vision is skewed. People aren't capable of that kind of cruelty, really. I must be having a bad dream. Then, upon refocus, I get the picture perfectly clear. I see the facts. It wasn't a dream. It was reality. Yes, people can be that cruel. Paul wasn't kidding when he quoted David, who also wasn't kidding,

"Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know.There is no fear of God before their eyes."

For me, this kind of 'reality' is hard to take in. Maybe that is why I try and refocus. Maybe that is why I hope, for a moment, that it really is just a bad dream. Or perhaps -- I have wondered this of late -- I don't take seriously the doctrine of total depravity.

You and I can day-dream about all the 'good' people. We can shrink back when the Bible says, "the heart is desperately wicked." But, facts are facts. The fact is, the sons of Adam are capable of astounding cruelty. The fact is, as Charles Spurgeon put it, you can't slander humanity.

So, the sons of Adam are morally broken, and terribly twisted. This is reality. This is bad news, but news we must honestly face. You may, however, be surprised at what this news does to us. It makes us soldiers.

One consequence of really facing evil is -- one which may not be immediately clear -- is that when we see evil, we become ready to fight it. If we honestly face evil, then we stop making silly excuses like, 'people are really good... they have good motives... they really mean the best.'

I'm convinced that a basic understanding of total depravity is the foundation for 'fighting the good fight.' Real evil calls us forth to battle. If, however, evil is only a 'bad dream,' we too easily excuse ourselves for going back to sleep.

My favorite example of a man who chose to fight evil is Al Pacino as the mayor in City Hall. I would encourage you to check out the whole speech here, but this is my favorite excerpt.

There was a palace that was a city. It was a palace! It was a palace and it can be a palace again! A palace in which there is no king or queen or dukes or earls or princes, but subjects all -- subjects beholden to each other, to make a better place to live. Is that too much to ask? Are we asking too much for this? Is it beyond our reach?! Because if it is, then we are nothing but sheep being herded to the final slaughterhouse! I will not go down that way! I choose to fight back! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die!!

Now, if you know the movie City Hall, then you know that Pacino has to eventually face the corruption in his own heart. I won't ruin the ending for you, but I will say that he -- and the city he served -- would have been better off had he started the fight against evil in his own heart. So, I'm reminded that the fight against evil begins with myself. It begins, not by waging war 'out there,' but by waging 'the war within.'

The battle begins by knowing that we ourselves are capable of astounding cruelty. Facts are facts. There are many things in our hearts that belong on hell's bookshelf. We know this, we face it, and we confess that it is not a bad dream. It's the reality of a bad heart. When we face evil in our hearts with realism, it is at that moment that we are able to call it what it is, and start fighting. We face evil. We rub our eyes. We see it really is that bad. Then, we fight. Before, when we didn't think we were that bad, when we thought we were only dreaming -- we could have been excused for simply going back to sleep. Now, having seen the enemy within to be a real bad bad guy -- now, we fight.

Men fall asleep easily enough when they don't sense the presence of a real enemy. Men, however, who know for a fact that evil is near -- these men stay awake. They arm themselves, and "watch, and pray." And, when they see the enemy coming, they say,

"I will not go down that way! I choose to fight back!"

Revelation V. Humanism

2016-01-05T19:25:00.002-06:00

The existence of God is really a cognition of the human soul, like the cognition of matter or of ourselves. It is so inseparable from the development of reason that wherever we find a man, we find one who is not a stranger to the existence of God. The real problem of Theology is not to prove that a God exists, as if she were instructing the ignorant or imparting a new truth to the mind, but to show the grounds upon which we are already in possession of the truth. It is to vindicate an existing faith, and not to create a new one. The belief itself is universal - as universal as the belief in the soul. However men may differ on other points, they agree in this.

- James Henry Thornwell

We seek to attain our way to God by right thinking. This is wrong. Why? Our thinking, our very best thinking, cannot reveal God -- but, good news! - God has already revealed himself (Romans 1:18ff.)!

Our main problem is not possession of the truth, but suppression of the truth (Romans 1:18).

To see how easily we go astray, consider the fundamentalist v. liberal confrontation in the 1930 in America. The liberals, based on their presuppositions about the world, began to question the Bible: Is this really true? The word of God? Especially trouble to the liberal was the miraculous. It didn't seem possible, based on how they viewed reality, that a baby could be born of a virgin. In response, the fundamentalist, sought to defend the word of God. This is true, they said, and we will prove it. And so, they marched out a litany of reasoned essays and books about the trustworthiness and reliability of the Bible. The fundamentalist mindset continues to our day with all manner of books seeking to prove various things about the character of the Bible (The Bible is infallible), or about the character of Jesus (He is either Lord, or Lunatic), or the events in the Bible (Evidence That Demands A Verdict!).

However, the fundamentalist doctrine of revelation is rationalistic. It is based on human reason, and therefore, just another form of Humanism. The fundamentalist was concerned at every point to “prove” the Bible is the revelation of God.

There are problems with this.

First, the fundamentalist definition of the word of God, and the whole concept of revelation, was way too limited. The fundamentalist put himself in the corner of autodidactic inspiration of the individual words of scripture, and confined the whole idea of revelation to this. Certainly, God's revelation includes scripture, but not only scripture. The the truth is: God is not shy. God is a revealing God; God delights to manifest himself: he delights to let the glories of his Person sparkle. The truth is, God is constantly talking. Even in his wrath, he is revelatory (Romans 1:18, "The wrath of God is being revealed...).

His distance is a certain kind of closeness.

His silence is a certain kind of speaking.

We don't have to do a manhunt for God; He is constantly in our face.

The second problem? The fundamentalist presumed that the speech of God depended on man, i.e. man must, before believing or bowing, PROVE that God speaks. As if, God's words needed the validation of the word of man. The fundamentalist tried to speak for God; as if, God couldn't speak for himself. The fundamentalist sought, by human reason, to defend God. As if, God couldn't defend himself. The fundamentalist, ironically, leaves God out of the picture, and even shrinks God. The fundamentalist had a limited sense of God’s revelation because they defined it as, "what man has received."

They defined it, in other words, in Humanist terms.

The fact is: God has revealed himself, whether we receive it or not.

Revelation is NOT what God gives to some men to give to other men. Revelation does not depend on man AT ALL.Revelation is, instead, what God has given, all by his lonesome, apart from human aid. Revelation is, not what man has merited by his reason, but what God his GIVEN, freely, and graciously, even to (especially to) his worst and least deserving enemies.

Revelation is not what man does; it is, instead, what God does. Something, God has always been doing; something God is still doing, at present, via “what has been made (Romans 1:20)." Revelation is what God does; it is not, therefore, uncertain, unreliable, dubious, or murky.What God does, he does surely. God has made sure that it is utterly clear and obvious that he is there SO THAT man would be without excuse (Romans 1:20).

Revelation is not what man seeks, but what man suppresses; not what man runs to, but what man runs from (Romans 1:18, 20).

The letters of revelation are written in the sky in huge blinking neon letters, in PLAIN sight (Romans 1:19). We look at the sky every day and miss it – not because it is missing – but because we are blind as bats.

The truth that man is naturally BLIND is related to doctrine of revelation: the problem is not – as fundamentalist and modernist assumed – with revelation. The problem is with us. The problem is: we are blind.

This problem is not scientific; it is not rational; it is MORAL: we suppress the truth. This problem is WITH US, and it is a willful aggressive rebellion against the plain truth. This has to do with our sinful will. We believe what we want to believe. We harbor pride, and press on, in rebellion against God, in spite of revelation.

The fundamentalist fought for the truth, “God has revealed himself,” as if this truth were in doubt. As if, it needed to be proven. As if. its proof depended on man. The fundamentalist said, "I know God has spoken because I KNOW," i.e. I reasoned it out. The modernist higher critic fought against this. He said, "I don't know what, if anything, God has spoken because I DON'T KNOW." They both depended on human reason. They fought against each other without realizing they were on the same side, both FIGHTING against God. The fundamentalist and the modernist were enemies, in theory -- but, not in reality. There war was a Civil War. They used the same method (rationalism), and they fought for the same side (humanism).

When the fundamentalist entered the fray, he’d conceded, at the beginning, “Perhaps God has not revealed himself.” He conceded this when he presumed to prove God had spoken. He was, in his heart of hearts, no different from the modernist. He questioned the reliability of God's revelation. Only, he came up on the side of "reliable." The fundamentalist, therefore, gave the only ground that was ever worth defending: he measured God's reason by human reasons. When, in fact, human reason is worthless.

God’s revelation cannot, and never will be, proved by human logic or theorems. A man tryin to prove God exists is akin (on an infinite scale) to a flea trying to prove a man exists. We humans are not qualified to prove God. We are not qualified to judge the Bible as "inspired," or not. We are not qualified to judge God's word as true, or not. When we approach the Bible, standing above it, talking about how we can "prove it," we are acting as if we were God. Who are we to judge God? Our words do not prove God's; no, but God's words, by grace, prove ours.

How can I put this? God doesn't need you (or me). He is not dependent on us. He is not quivering in the heavens, hoping with all his might, that we will rise up and save him from the atheists and doubters. God isn't served by human hands (Acts 17:25); God is the one who gives us life and breath and everything else. God is not teetering, leaning wearily on human hands; He is the one who created our hands. Do you really think he needs them to prop him up? God is, similarly, not dependent on human reason. He is the one who gives us everything, including our reason. How ridiculous, then, that we would try to use our gift of reason to prove/disprove the GIVER.

God’s revelation is as plain as the sun in the sky. It is madness and irreverence to question it. To question it (like the Fundamentalist) is to deny it, and continue to suppress it. The fundamentalist made the same mistake as the modernist of his day. He used the same means (human reason), but only declared a different result.

The same ridiculous method is employed constantly. I've often heard,“Prove that God exists by the scientific method, and then I'll believe.” My first answer is: Fine, but first, I want you to prove the scientific method BY the scientific method. If truth can only be ascertained through the scientific method, then the scientific method is, itself, unverifiable. The scientific method can't even prove itself, much less God.

Seriously? Prove God by the scientific method? That's folly. God stands above the scientific method, and whatever is true of that method is only true because of the existence of a TRUE God.

God doesn't need the scientific method. He doesn't need the fundamentalist. He doesn't need ANYONE to prove He is there. He doesn't need you. He doesn't need me. On the contrary, WE NEED HIM. God isn't a question in a human debate; God IS. And, that's all there is to it.

Our situation as human being is not a life of perplexity about the questionable existence of a possible God. Our situation is being confronted with the definite certain reality of living God.

The dilemma is NOT: is God there? But, rather, Will I bow?

The dilemma is NOT: has God spoken? But, rather, Will I listen?

Room

2016-01-05T18:12:00.004-06:00

Room, to breathe,

think, feel, grieve.

Room to stay,

– or else, to leave.
Room to say, to play, to pray.

Room to doubt, and to believe.

Room to take, and to receive.

Room, to lie quietly in the grass,

and not think about the past;

Room, also, to remember; and room, to forget.

Room, to count losses; to regret.

Room to be forgive; to cancel, and to pay, debts.

Room to set aside demands,

and slumber in the shade.

Room, to escape hard hasty aches

for worlds of sleepy dreams.
Room, bursting at the seams.

There's room there;
room to lay aside your cares.
Room, there, room up to the sky:
room to laugh, and room to cry.

Room there, where travelers walk on waves,

skip on stormy lakes,

and recline upon the breaks.

Room there, where, every savior's saved

who died for other's sakes.

Room there, where, like everwhere,
the ogres marches make

-- but there, the sleepers never wake.

Room, a room is free at last.

Room to think

about the future and the past.

Room to plan my days,

or scan my ways,

praise my wins,

confess my sins.

Room: the space for grace.

There is room, if you will.

Room to feel

the joy and the pain.

To count my losses and my gains.

Room, to exult in hope;
Room, to cut losses, and and cope.

Room, a thousand miles across.

Room to grieve;
room; reprieve for loss.

Room to weep, and moan, and tear

my clothes all into tatters.

Room to be now, and beware.

Room to feel frightened,

but not scared.

Room now –

room to care, or not to care.

Room falls through my hands

like a sieve.

So much room.

Enough to grow, to know,

to live.

1-2 Kings and Romans 1:18-32: A Comparative Outline

2016-01-05T18:01:00.003-06:00

1-2 Kings and Romans 1:18-32: A Comparative Outline

I. Israel has forsaken the true King; thus, they replace him with a king (Idolatry) (1 Sam. 8.4-5, 7; Romans 1.23)

* The root sin is ALWAYS idolatry, “…feared other gods (2 Kgs 17.7).”

II. Israel suppresses the knowledge of God (for example, killing prophets) (1 Kgs. 18.4, 22; Romans 1.18)

III. Knowledge now suppressed, God seems more and more distant (Romans 1.18; The seeming absence of God in 2 Kings)

*God is distanced by his people via idolatry; He is still present, but not in familiar way; He is present in wrath.

III. The Consequence of Forsaking God = Being God Forsaken (Romans 1.24, 26, 28)

IV. Thus, now more and more God-forsaken, Israel descends into immorality (1 Kgs 14.24; Romans 1.24)

V. The knowledge of God, now suppressed, is yet present by His WORD of judgment and merciful calls to repent (Elijah and Elisha)

VI. God’s people, now mired in immorality, provoke God’s anger and incur just judgment

(cf. 2 Kgs. 17.11, “The Anger of the Lord,” with Romans 1.18, “The Wrath of God.”)

*Judgments, according to Deuteronomy, grow increasingly severe (Dt. 28.15ff): siege, drought, famine (2 Kings 6:25), locusts, military humiliation, etc., until the final judgment: Exile (2 Kgs 17.7).

What is Exile, really? Being cast out of the good (Dt. 3.25, 8.7) promised land? Cast away from God? Exile is a picture and preview of Hell: literally, Hell on Earth. Hell is the place where rebels are forever exiled the promised land of a new Earth, and from God who is Good, "Depart from me, workers of iniquity (Mt. 7.23)."

Note: the reason the land was Good had to do with the closeness of the Good God.

* The root sin is STILL idolatry (2 Kgs 17.7)

VII. Thus, the WORD and presence of God is primarily present to JUDGE (ex. 1 Kgs 17.1)

-------------------------
*I am indebted to Dr. Brian Aucker for his insight into the relevance of this question.

God's Law And The Law Gravity

2016-01-05T18:01:00.000-06:00

Prophets predicted the future, not like our goofy end-of-days fanatics. They predicted a coming grief; they said: IF you don't repent, this WILL happen. But, this may not happen; this NEED not happen; you can still repent.

Unlike contemporary "prophets," they hoped their predictions would not come to pass. Their predictions were warnings: If you continue in sin, then judgment will arrive. That judgment is certain; unbreakable. That judgment is deserved; it will be just. They predicted the future in the sense of warning, like a man warns his friend when he sees a snake in his path. They predicted, like a man who sees his neighbor plant turnip seeds, and predicts a full crop of turnips. Their prediction were prescriptive more so than predictive. "If this, then this." You will reap what you sow.

They saw God's law as warp and woof of the universe. To break it is to break yourself. To abandon it is to abandon health and happiness. God's law = not to silly rules. God's law isn't akin to arbitrary dictates, some kind of meaningless test set down by God to see how we "score."

God's law = the law of gravity. You can try to break it if you want; the result of such a venture will not be, no matter what you think, indifferent.If you try to break the law of gravity, you'll end up breaking your bones; if you break the law of God, you'll end up breaking yourself.

.

Favorite Latin Phrases

2016-01-05T12:23:00.000-06:00

My translation of my favorite Latin phrases.

Vipera in verpecula est.

Vipers are in violets.
i..e. Don't go by looks alone. A thing may look lovely, and still contain danger.

***

Vincit qui patitur.
The perseverer prevails.

***

Veritatem dies aperit.
Time tells the truth.

***

Varitatio delectat
Variation vivifies.
i.e. change is pleasing.

***
Ut sementem feceris, ita metes
Whatever you sow, that exactly, and that exactly, shall you reap.

***

Ubi bene, ibi patria
Where well, welcome home.
i.e. The place where you feel well is your natural home.

***

Tolle, lege; Tolle, lege!
(from Augustine's Confessions)
Take; read! Take; read!
Note: it's hard to capture the loveliness of the sound. The latin is poetic: To-lay-le-gay; to-lay-le-gay, cf. a similar poetic phrase, "Cellar door."

***

Sunt facta verbis difficiliora
Work is worth more than words.

***

Si vis pacem, para bellum.
Prize peace? Then, for war, prepare.

***

Roma die uno non aedificata est
Rome rose not in one day.

***
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Who watches watchmen?

***

Qui tacet consentire

Silence is consent.

***

Qui non proficit, deficit.

Where no profit, deficit.

i.e. go forward, or you are going backward.

***

Praemonitus, praemunitus

Forewarned; forearmed.

***

Potius sero quam numquam
Better now than never.
i.e. the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; second best time, today

***

Periculum in mora

Delay = Danger.

***

Otia dant vitia.

Ease leads to vice

i.e. Spurgeon, "The peril of prosperity."

***

Optimi natatores saepius submerguntur.

The best swimmers often drown

i.e., beware your strength

***
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit
Add little to little and there will be a lot

— Ovid.

***

Aeque pars ligni curvi ac recti valet igni.
Crooked logs make straight fires.

***

Obscuris vera involvens

Obscurity envelopes truth.

- Virgil

English equivalent: Truth gives a short straight answer; lies go round about.

***

Non quia difficilia sunt non audemus, sed quia non audemus, difficilia sunt.

Most reason: because things are difficult, we do not dare -- but, the truth is: because we do not dare, things are difficult.

(Seneca, Letter to Lucilius, letter 104, section 26, line 5)

***

You can never have too much protection: only, too little.

***

Nocere facile est, prodesse difficile

To hurt is easy; to benefit, difficult.

***

Age quod agis.

Do what you do.

***
Aliis si licet, tibi non licet.

Good for one is not good for all.
i.e. what is good for another may be bad for you.

***

Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur.

The world desires to be deceived; therefore it is.

-Attributed to Petronius

***

Memento mori

Remember mortality.

***

Malum consilium quod mutari non potest.

Only a bad plan cannot be changed.

***

Iucundum est narrare sua mala.

Problems shared are problems halved.
i.e. A burden shared weighs less.

***

Interdum stultus bene loquitur.

A fool may give a wise man counsel.

*Learn what you can from all.

***

Inimicum quamvis humilem docti est metuere

Experience teaches us to dread every enemy, no matter how small.

Shakespeare: Better to weigh an enemy more might than he seems.

***

Improbe Neptunum accusat, qui iterum naufragiam facit.

Don't complain about the sea on your second shipwreck.

***

Imperare sibi maximum imperium est.

Self-control is the ultimate control.
i.e. better to be king of yourself than king of the world.

***

Hostium munera, non munera.

Gifts of enemies are no gifts.

***

Honor sequitir fugientem.

Honor follows the fleeing.

***

Homines quod volunt credunt.

Men believe what they want to.
-Julius Caesar

***

Fortes fortuna iuvat

Fortune favors the brave.

Factis ut credam facis.

Translation: Deeds, then I may believe you.

Dum vita est, spes est.

Translation: While there is life, there is hope.

Dum spiro, spero.

Translation: "As long as I breathe, I hope."
Translated as "While I breathe, I hope" the motto of the State of South Carolina

Diem vesper commendat.

Translation: Celebrate the day when the day is over (lit. when it is evening).

Meaning: Don't celebrate until you are 100 % sure there is a reason to do so

Deus quem punire vult dementat.

Whom Gods will destroy, they first make mad.

Corruptissima re publica plurimae leges

A more corrupt republic leads to more laws (Tacitus)

Consuetudo altera natura est

Habit is second nature.

Consilio, quod respuitur, nullum subest auxilium.

He who won't be advised, cannot be helped

Cogitationes posteriores sunt saniores.

Second thoughts are sounder.

Cedens in uno cedet in pluribus.

Yielding in one place results in yielding in many places.
In for a penny; in for a pound.
Virtue that parleys is near to surrender.

Cave ab homine unius libri.

Fear the man of one book.

Bene diagnoscitur, bene curatur.

Good diagnoses lead to good cures.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

Translation: I'll either find, or make, a way

Abbati, medico, patrono que intima pande.

There's two people you should always tell the truth: your doctor, and your lawyer.

Abyssus abyssum invocat.

Deep, to deep, calls.

Acta Non Verba.

Acts, not words.

The Sin of Boredom And The Working World

2016-01-04T15:21:00.003-06:00

The ancient greek term acedia is equivalent to our word, "bored." A person who nurtures acedia lives in restless slackness, with a lack of energetic desire, and a bitter attitude toward life. Such a person is often described as "bored," and they view their plight as unavoidable. How can they help being bored when the world is sooooo boring?

My goal here is to get us to rethink a whole category of modern life: boredom. I'll show that boredom is, first of all, a sin: a sin we are responsible for. Then, I'll discuss how we are not only sinners, but sinned against: our personal sin of boredom is nurtured by a culture of work without dignity.

I. The Sin of Boredom: Dignity Denied

Boredom: restlessness, even when rested. Boredom: feeling "there's nothing to do," and at the same time, there is too much to do. Boredom: weariness without work; even, a determined weariness while avoiding work. Boredom: laborious, but never laboring. Boredom: woefully un-entertained, all the while, surrounded by entertainment.

Boredom: a scourge on our lives, an affliction we often complain of.

We are afflicted with something but, surprise, this is a self-inflicted wound.

Boredom is -- despite what you've heard -- not a situation you are within, but a situation within you. Boredom is a condition you are in: a condition you are responsible for. The world around you is not the problem, but the world within you; the you in the world is the problem. Boredom is not a state on the map in which you find yourself; it is a state which finds itself in your heart; it is a state of mind, an approach to life.

In other words, boredom is a sin. Thomas Acquinas referred to this sinful state as ACEDIA.

Acedia, for Aquinas, signifies a man renouncing the claim implicit in his human dignity. This man does not want to be who God wants him to be, and that ultimately means that he does not wish to be what he really, fundamentally, is. Acedia is a "despairing refusal to be oneself (Pieper, "Leisure: The Basis of Culture," pg. 7)."

To be myself means, fundamentally, embracing my own personal dignity. As a dignified person, then, I engage the world around me with joy and energy. The "bored" person is incapable of this because they expect to be engaged by the world. The dignified person is active: they take life, and take life on; they lean into life. The "bored" person is passive: expecting life to come to them.

To be bored is simply this: it is to sin against myself by denying my dignity.

Boredom is a sin; we must repent.

That said, we are not just sinners when it comes to boredom; we have been sinned against. We live in a culture that is constantly attacking our dignity. One place where this is most prevalent is the American workplace.

II. The Sin of Boredom: Dignity Denied

I've argued that we ourselves are the root of our own boredom. But, that doesn't mean there are not forces around us which contribute to this malaise-ed daze. In contemporary American life, our whole approach to WORK erodes dignity. Employers deny dignity, and employees cooperate by relinquishing dignity. Employers nurture ACEDIA because they disclaim the dignity of employees; employes nurture ACEDIA because they disregard their own dignity.

In terms of how boredom displays itself in the life of the de-dignified worker, well that's another essay. I'll focus in this essay on how the American workplace is (as a whole) geared toward stripping down human dignity.

This stripping down comes in the form of an attack on:

1) Enjoyment
2) Individual Creativity
3) Life
4) Will

II.1. The Attack On Enjoyment

We may think, because we work constantly, are successful, and dedicated to our jobs, that we are doing what we should to overcome this weariness that plagues us: this boredom. We may think, because we work hard that we are fully engaged in the enjoyment of our lives.

Actually, our concept of work makes us feel guilty about enjoying life.

An employee is lauded if he puts in extra work, and sleeps at the office. Another employee is ridiculed because he wants to be home at 5 to eat dinner with his family. Or, because he takes a run during lunch (instead of taking, while he is off the clock, a working lunch).

In such a context, even a man's free time is looked upon as belonging to the employer. If this man says he want a vacation, or seems to have an active social life, or desires some private place in life where work doesn't impinge (i.e. The boss can't call him on his cell phone day and night; coworkers can't send him work related emails 24/7), he is termed LAZY. In this context leisure becomes another word for laziness, idleness. or sloth. Leisure is bad.

For Aquinas, acedia is the incapacity to enjoy leisure.

This incapacity, far from contributing to productivity is, for Acquinas, the source of restlessness, and the ultimate cause of "work for work's sake."

"A restlessness, issuing from a lack of will to action, is itself at the bottom of a fanatical and suicidal urge to work."

Need proof that we are working for the sake of work, and that our lifestyle is plagued by joylessness? Consider this: We feel guilty when we go on vacation. Guilty, when we take a day off. Guilty, when we call in sick (no matter how sick we are). Guilty, even, when we spend time with our children or spouse. A reasonable person would feel guilty for working 12 hours, a day and never spending time with his/her children. We feel guilty for only working 12 hours: guilty over the hour we did spend with our children.

We are taught that our MAIN allegiance lies with our employer, not self, not family, and certainly not our happiness.

Think about it: When was the last time your heard your boss praise you for taking a vacation? Probably, never; instead, the man who doesn't take all his vacation days is praised.

I recently came across a man who talked of being teased and humiliated because he dared to take most (not all!!!) his vacation days. These were vacation days he had earned, and built up. Yet, when he dared use them, he was ridiculed.

So, we are taught, and accept as gospel, that our life is NOT about joy, but rather work. We are human DOINGS, not human BEINGS.

II.2. The Attack on Individual Creativity

The modern "worker" is characterized by paradox. The worker must be energetic, but he must not be independent. He must be a self-starter, but he'll get in trouble if he starts something himself. The worker possesses energy, and the powers of action, but is discouraged from acting creatively. Every task has a rule book, and a bureaucracy of channels that leave him exhausted. If he should happen to act independently -- even if such an action leads to great profit and benefit for his employer -- he is chided. Independence, and individual creativity, are viewed as insubordination. In such a context, one's individual personality is hindered; what is needed, really required, of the contemporary worker, is not human engagement in labor, but labor without human engagement: mindless, devoted, robotic workaholism. What is needed, required, is a slavish submission to one's superiors.

What is needed is not individual creative persons.

What is needed is slaves.

II.3. The Attack on Life

Workers are treated as less than creative individual human beings. Treated, as if he had no life outside work.

He is expected to die for the employer. His life only has value as he devalues it, and any sense of enjoyment in it. His boss says: "You are so important to this company because you are willing to work long hours, and sacrifice anything." Yet, he doesn't see the irony: You are so important because you are willing to give your life; but, in giving your life you are saying your own life is not that important.You are saying your own life has value only to the degree that you are willing to sacrifice it for the employer.

The worker is called to extreme acts of devotion. Acts of such magnitude that we'd expect them in the old south, in the days of slavery. We can't imagine our "morally superior" age could be guilty of abusing and enslaving one another. Yet, consider:

In many contexts, especially in the contexts where pay is high, and employment is competitive (Think Google, Amazon, Apple, Yahoo, and the recent headlines about despicable, outright abusive treatment, of employees) the work force is expected to endure treatment we'd only associate with slavery in the old south. The expectations are ridiculous:

-Expected to sacrifice dignity. Lower level workers are looked upon as inferior, and expected to mindlessly endure mistreatment. For example, verbal abuse and degradation from leadership (yep, Steve Jobs).

-Expected to sacrifice health. Expected to go without sleep, or proper nutrition (e.g. live out of vending machines), or exercise (e.g. sit inside at a computer all day).

-Expected to sacrifice family. The worker is called to leave their families for extended periods of time. Expected to work insane hours. Expected, to neglect their children, or else hire caregivers to fulfill the role of parent. Expected, to move their family across country if the job demands.

-Expected to be on call 24/7, as if they had no private world apart from work.

Several times, I have worked for companies that would get upset with me if I didn't answer their call on my day/time off. If they called, and I let it go to voice mail, I'd get in trouble when I went back to work.

"Hey," a boss would say, "Why didn't you answer my call? I need you to answer, or call me back ASAP?"
"Even when I'm off?" I protest.
"Yes," the boss would say, chagrined, "I have to be able to get in touch with you."

I'd walking away thinking: Then, why even have a day off?

Also, if I'm expected to answer, or call you back, even on my day off, then that ruins my day off. It makes the whole day an anxiety ridden affair of hoping I don't get a call from work. It's hard to plan anything when I know I just might get a call from work. It's hard to relax when I'm unofficially on "the clock."

One oddity of this reality of always being unofficially on the clock is that the employee is not compensated at all for this time. This amounts to having an unpaid workforce on "the tip of the finger" of the boss. There is no "me" time over here, and "work time" over there. There's only "work time." Me time is work time.

-Expected to contribute his/her own private financial resources to the company charity.

I've often heard of employees being badgered into giving to the company charity, and I've had this happen to me. I knew of a man who said that his advancement within his company was directly tied to whether he gave generously to the charity of the company's choosing.

In this context, employees are not presented with opportunities to give, and then left to their own conscience so as to be a "cheerful giver." Employees are expected, pressured, strong armed, into giving. Contributions are often recorded in a public place so the less generous are shamed. Those employees who do not give generously are, mysteriously, passed over for promotions. Ever heard the Biblical principle, "The worker is worthy of his hire?" Forget that; in the American working world: The worker is not even worthy of his hire; the worker is not even entitled to keep the paycheck he rightfully earned.

I once worked for a company that held a meeting yearly to encourage charitable giving. At the end of the meeting, employees had to line up, and walk out the door. The boss stood at the door, and made each employee sign a sheet stating what they'd like to give, or else, a sheet saying they did not want to give. We actually had to sign a sheet stating we did not want to give the money that was 100% ours!

In short, workers are expected to suffer, to take up their cross and die daily, for their employer. This secular call to die for a cause (the company vision, the stock margins, etc) is shocking. It is assumed that THE WORK, or something to do with the work, has behind it such value as to be worthy of our lives and even our deaths. The man who stops and thinks about this for a moment will shortly come to the conclusion that no company's vision, no matter how grand, is worthy of his life, much less his death.

Many causes in history have been worthy of death; they were worthy of death because they were grand causes. The cause itself self-evidently declared its worth; the cause is significant, grand, awesome, enthralling; it is worthy of death because it is worthy of death. The willingness to die was not demanded as a prerequisite for joining the cause; it was included in the cause itself, as a sort of natural aside. Sacrifice was a byproduct of being caught up in the grandness of the cause. So, David Livingstone, a man who sacrificed everything, could say, "I never made a sacrifice."

In the contemporary working world, we are expected to live for work. Expected, to die for work.

Yet, I ask you, is this a cause worth living for? A cause worth dying for?

Can the modern Wall Street Savant who sacrifices his youth, destroys two marriages, alienates his kids, ruins his health, and ends up dying of a heart attack from job related stress in his early 50's say that he lived his life fully? Or, that he died for something worthwhile?

Doubtful.

II.4.The Attack On Will

Employees are called on to "die," to make grand sacrifices to the grand cause of work. However, they soon run out of will; it's not long before they start questioning, "Is it worth it?"

This is where the employer steps in to reignite the employees fire for "the cause." How do they do this? They expend massive effort in keeping up the spirits of exhausted employees: their, "morale."

I was confused when I first heard the word "morale" mentioned, in an offhand comment, in a corporate environment.

I was eating lunch one day with a coworker from a different department. I asked, "How do you liking working over in ______."

She answered, "We are doing OK now, but last year was hard. Our supervisor at the time was unorganized. He had favorites; everyone else, he treated terribly. People from other departments noticed. They kept saying, 'Morale is down over there, but we don't know why.' Well, that was why."

"Morale?" I thought, "interesting choice of words."

I soon found that "morale" was much on the minds of everyone, and especially my supervisors. They attended workshops on how to improve morale. They returned with bags of tricks, proven ways to boost morale. The result was sometimes silly. After one of these workshops, one supervisor (a diligent individual, and decent boss, but not a people person, at all) abruptly started trying to remember everyone's name, and speak to them individually, daily. Ironically, his attempt to boost morale by being more personal proved to be annoying; he'd make it a point to go around at the end of the day, and say a word to whoever was in the office. This often meant he'd interrupt meetings, or insert himself suddenly in conversations with customers. I liked him better when he was distant; at least, he was sincere.

I started to see that the "fun" work activities (e.g. motivational meetings, pizza day, encouraging memos, freebies, etc.) were orchestrated to boost morale. Previously, I'd thought of these kinds of interruptions in the work day as happy surprises, spontaneous goodwill from above; they came, of a sudden, out of the gracious heart of my employer. After getting a peak into the social engineering that props up the "morale" of a company, I saw something sinister in all the fun. All this was fun arose from a careful plan, out of a manufactured text book, for the perceived good of the company. That is, if it would be better for the company to cut out all fun, even if such measures were harmful to the employees, then things would change, tomorrow. This wasn't fun for the sake of fun; it was serious fun: fun for the sake of morale. After that, office fun was tedious: the birthday cake tasted too sweet; blue jean Friday became a little bluer.

When I pulled back the curtain, I saw that what I'd taken for tokens of kindness were actually tokens of unkindness. My employer's acts of kindness were geared, not toward my good, but the good of the company. I was, in other words, being manipulated. My employer was making an end run around my will: getting me to do what he wanted, all the while tricking me into thinking it's what I wanted.

*Credit to, Leisure, The Basis of Culture, by Josef Pieper for inspiring most of these thoughts. Page numbers refer to pages in that book.

***

Sadness overwhelms him when he is confronted with the divine goodness immanent in himself.

The contrary of Acedia is man's happy and cheerful affirmation of his own being, his acquiescence in the world and in God - which is to say love... This is at an infinite distance from the "fanatical worker.

-Josef Pieper

***

Acedia is a vitia capitalia, i.e. a fault from which other faults follow "naturally." There is that restlessness that makes leisure impossible. Then too leisure is only possible when a man is at one with himself, when he acquieces in his own being, whereas the essence of Acedia is the refusal to acquiesce in one's own being. Idleness, and the incapacity for leisure, correspond with one another. Leisure is the contrary of both. This restlessness and despair are the twin children of Acedia. Finally, idleness so far from being synonymous with leisure, is an inner disposition rendering leisure impossible.

-Josef Pieper

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do: A How-To Guide to Ending a Relationship

2015-12-22T12:44:00.002-06:00

This is advice for the person who really truly wants to END a relationship, but doesn’t know how. If heeded, it will, hopefully, make the hard work of breaking up, if not easier (it's not gonna be easy, at all), more bearable.

I’m NOT advising anyone to initiate, or finalize, a break up; this is advice for the person who has already decided to do the HARD (spoiler alert: it's gonna be harder than you think) WORK (spoiler alert: a break up requires work, i.e. effort, energy, and attention) of breaking up.

This is not meant to be a break up guide where you follow a few simple steps. Nothing about a relationship, and nothing about breaking up, is simple; breaking up is one of the most complex experiences possible: love mixed with hate; hope mixed with despair; resolution mixed with confusion. Take this advice advisedly; feast on the sections that are most nourishing. It is a general guide, you'll have to apply it individually. Also, what follows are "steps," and they are in order in the sense of, "Do this first, then this, then this, etc." However, that doesn't mean that you will experience them in the order I have them, or that you will go from step 1 to step 2, and never have to worry about step 1 again. Rather, you will have to keep going through ALL the steps EVERYDAY in the process of breaking up. The steps are interconnected: not really 15 separate steps, but one giant step broken down into 15 smaller movements.

Step 1: Ask, "Why Am I Breaking Up?"

Before getting to the how-to break up advice, let’s pause. Before getting to the "how," let's stop to ask, "why?"

Having a good "why (reason for breaking up)" will help immensely when it comes to the "how (following through on a breakup)."

Breaking up with someone is a decision that calls for care. After thinking through this step, you may actually decide NOT to break up. Maybe you don't have a solid reason for ending this relationship. Maybe you shouldn't break up, at all? Maybe you should work it out? If so, then this step will help you figure that out, and enable you to reengage the relationship knowing it is something worth keeping.

If you’ve invested a lot of time and love in a relationship, it is often better to work it out. If you are constantly rushing into breaking up, and for flimsy reasons – you do not need to learn how to break up; you need to learn how to grow up. Seeing a couples counselor, or getting some good books on relationships might save your relationship.

Breaking up is, in one sense, is not hard to do. Breaking up, the part where you say, “I’m breaking up with you,” and storm angrily off. That’s ever so easy. The hard part comes after.

On the other hand, working through this step may reveal to you that you do have good and solid reasons for breaking up. If you have such good and solid reasons, if you have answered the "why" question, then the breaking up part will be so much easier.

Whether you break up, or make up, you need to approach this as a decision that you are responsible for: an important decision which will drastically impact numerous lives, for good, for ill, or for a mix of both. This is a decision you ALONE can make. This is a decision with consequences.

When deciding whether or not to end a relationship, you need to ask questions. Then, you need to think through these questions until you arrive at solid answers.

Question 1. What? What's my reason for breaking up?
Is my reason for breaking up a GOOD reason for breaking up?

What? What's my reason for breaking up?

Infidelity is the only unassailable reason for breaking up with someone. In other words, if he/she didn’t cheat on you, there’s hope for growth in the relationship. If there was cheating, then be assured, you can walk away right now, guilt free. Infidelity is very serious: deadly serious. Infidelity doesn't automatically mean you should break up; it does, however, automatically mean you'd be justified if you did.

Other serious "deal breakers" are things like criminal activity, abusive behavior, or absenteeism (your beloved moved to Alaska, and has no plans of coming back this century, or of trying to make the relationship work.

Outside the serious dealbreakers, many of the reasons people break up amount to trifles, i.e. not a good reason to break up.

Question 2. Why? What is my motive for breaking up?
Am I breaking up because I sincerely care for myself, this person, and others involved?
Or, am I breaking up for a less than pure motive? to be petty? or vengeful? or to get attention?
Question 3. Who? Who is to blame for this relationship going south?
You may need some wise counsel in sorting through this question. You may need to talk this one through with someone objective. But, ask yourself, Who?

On Question 3, there's 3 possible answers:
1. Me
2. He/She
3. We

1. Me

If it's "me," then breaking up won't help; you will just take the problem with you. If a relationship is failing because of my failings, then it stands to reason that, if I correct my failings, the relationship will prosper.

2. He/She

If the answer to Who? is the other person, and you are genuinely engaging the relationship in a healthy way, then it's time to stop blaming yourself that things are working out. Some people, no matter how much you love them, are relationship devastaters; sometimes, even if you do all in your power, you still can't salvage a relationship because the other person refuses to work with you. "Don't cast your pearls before swine." That means, there are some destructive people that will chew up and spit out even the sincerest love.

3. We

Often, the honest answer to WHO? is: We.

That is, both of us could do better. It takes two to tango: to make a relationship work; it also often takes two to destroy a relationship. You may find there are things you could do better on YOUR side that might save the relationship. This doesn't mean that you are primarily at fault, or that you should feel an unjust burden for a bad relationship; it just means, wherever possible, you should acknowledge the reality of who did what to who, and who bears what blame.

In this step, I've asked you to THINK about the WHY of breaking up. Go slow on this step. Think seriously. Journal. Get advice from loved ones. Don’t rush into breaking up – don't rush out of a relationship; that said, when you do decide to break up – rush out of it, and get to work right away.

Step 2: Get Ready For Hard Work

When you decide to end a relationship, you may be surprised, at first, how free and light you feel. You'd imagined you couldn't live without this person, but here you are, DAY 1 of "separateness," and you are feeling high as a kite. There are reasons for this: maybe, the relationship weighed you down, crippled you, and injured you. Now that it's over, you feel a rush of cool wind on your face, and you see sunshine on the horizon.

You feel like a man who just escaped from a prison sell. The person you are leaving behind did you harm; they were bad for you. The healing has begun.

You've never felt better. The song was wrong: Breaking Up... is EASY.

Get ready. A storm is coming into your sunny world.

Ah, my friend, I wish this happy freedom would last. I wish it was easy for the good partner to break scott free from the bad partner -- but, the reality is, this first joy of separateness will not last; you are rejoicing now; you will be weeping in the morning.

So, know, right now, this happy freedom is going to be short-lived. Don't count on it lasting. It will soon depart; of course, it may come back, at times -- eventually, if you take the counsel I'm giving you, it will turn to a settled peace -- but, not before you pass through a coming grief. Right now, you are dancing -- but, keep in mind -- you are on minute 1 (or maybe hour 1, day 1, week 1) of "broke up." You've only just begun your journey. Right now, you are singing; right now, you are shouting with joy; soon, you'll be on the floor, sobbing with sorrow.

Why do I tell you this?
So, when the body shot of "separateness" hits, you'll at least be prepared. The most dangerous punch, and the one likely to knock you out, is the one you don't expect. Why do I tell you this? So you can brace yourself for the upper cut that's about to land square on your jaw? Why am I warning you of the grief to come when you are, at present, happy go lucky? So, when the tidal wave of longing, anger, grief, confusion, sorrow, loneliness and exhaustion crashes on you, you'll be able to stand, and not lose your footing (or lose hope and heart) when the waves threaten to drown you.

Often, when the punch lands, and the tidal wave crashes, the breaker-upper loses heart and strength, and goes running back to the relationship. Then, they get embroiled in the same cycle of miserableness they've been stuck in for (seemingly) ever. That's why, most breakups, even in the most toxic relationship, aren't final at first. It's easy to leave, but hard to stay away. Why? Because the grief of separateness is so great. You want it to end, right now. And, the only way (apparently) to end it is to go back to this person.

How many people do you know who are currently in a relationship, but they've broken up 5-10 times? How many people do you know who seem to break up weekly? How many people do you know who are in a bad relationship, and they know they are in a bad relationship, and they want to end it, and they've tried to end it, but they just can't seem to ever break away, even after they've broken up?

We see this, and we think, "What wrong with that guy/girl? Why can't they just get out of this? Why do they always go back?"

Why? Well, if you are embarking on a break up, you will soon find out:

It's hard to break up; it's easier just to stay together.
It's painful leave; it's comfortable (even if a kind of numbing comfort) to fall back into each other.

It's easier to stay together, in the short term, than it is to break up. You have lived life with this person for a long time; you know there habits, their idiosyncrasies; you depend on them, and vice versa. It's easier (again, short term) to stay in a bad relationship than to end a bad relationship. It's easy to leave; it's hard to stay gone; even harder to walk home, alone.

So, get ready for the tears. Again, here's why it's important to know this: when the first joy of separateness passes most people are unprepared; they are not ready, and they are not willing, and they don't even think they are able to end it. Well, if they had approached it, from the start, knowing it was gonna be a long hard road, they'd have been better prepared for the longness and the hardness of the road. They thought they were hiking a mile, downhill, on a lovely day. Turns out, they are hiking Everest, in the dead of winter, and they didn't even pack a lunch.

Pack a lunch. For that matter, pack a week of lunch, a poncho, a tent, hiking gear, and a first aid kit.

It turns out the classic break up song, "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," is the classic truth of breaking up. It was a hit when it was released, and it has grown into a classic, because it states a simple classic truth. Breaking up is HARD (not easy, no vacation) to DO (do = follow through, finish the job, complete the work).

Get ready; this break up is going to take focus; it's gonna be a big job; at times, this breakup will so strain your strength, and so distract you from everything, that you will feel like it IS your full time job.

Step 3: Resolve

Be 100 percent clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up; there’s no going back. This ends now. The reason why you keep taking her back is simple: you want to. No one can make you do anything; if you want it to end, it will end. The reason it hasn’t already ended is also simple: you don’t really want it to.

Think of your dying relationship like a patient on life support; you are the doctor instructed to stop life-giving care to this patient; the patient’s life is in your hands. If a part of your heart still wants the patient to live then you will – when no one is looking – feed and nurture the dying body before you. If, however, you are resolved to let this patient die, then they will die.

Or, think of this relationship like an opposing boxer. You must step into the ring, and knock this dude out. No mercy. As one fighter, a man named Connor Mcgregor, once put it,

"I don't have anything bad to say about my opponent. It's pretty plain and simple. His time is up. It's done. There's somebody ruthless coming to get him. There's somebody cold coming to get him. I can look at him dead in the eye and say, 'It's done. You're over now.'

If you are sincere about this breakup, then you must decide in the recesses of your heart to let the relationship die. Decide to let it die, then look away, and ignore the screams for mercy. You must decide to knock this relationship to the mat, again and again, until you hear a 10 count, and a bell ring.

Step 4: Consider Possibility

When you start to think...

"I just can't do this."
"I can't live without them."
"I have to pick up the phone and call them."
"I must to go over to there house."
"I can't help but by such and such a place where I know they will be."

... think again. Realize, all these statements have something in common: impossibility. Can't. Must. Have to. All these statements are you telling yourself, "It's impossible to do this."

The simple truth is: It's not. It's not impossible.

Please know: Though it seems impossible, you can break away if you know how to. Also, please know: as hard as this seems right now, if handled correctly, this break up can be one of the best things that ever happened to you. Don’t view breaking up as a stop sign in your life wherein everything good ends; view it as a yellow flashing light – speed through, and just ahead, there’s new road ahead, with new health and adventures.

So, when you are tempted to text "her" at 3:00 am and say, "I can't live without you..."

Check yourself. Put down the phone. Actually, yes, you can live without her. You lived before you met her; you are still breathing, even if with sobs; tears are running down your face, but you are, in fact, alive. It is possible.

Step 5. Remember Why

When it gets tough, when you feel like you can't help but call Pat, you need to REMEMBER. Remember why you broke up.

Here, you are not just going back to Step 1, and asking, Why? Yes, you are doing that, but something else along with it. You are remembering WHY you LEFT so that you will NOT GO BACK.

So, remember... Why did you want to break up with her? Be specific. Make a list of the things that you hate about her so that – when you are tempted to love her again – you’ll be able to withstand the temptation.

The best you can, nurture your disgust over the wrong she has done you. I’m not advising you to turn into a bitter and cruel person; rather, I’m advising you to embrace the reality of why this needs to end.

Resist the temptation to let the fire of devotion toward her keep burning. Put it out by recalling exactly why she doesn’t deserve such devotion.

Step 6. Get Perspective

It’s hard to be objective during a bad relationship; you can’t see the other person’s poor qualities, and sometimes this means you hang around way too long. Even after you’ve decided to end it, objectivity is hard to obtain. Does she really deserve to lose me? Is what she did that bad? What if I’m wrong about her? What if I just misunderstood her? What if her faults were really my fault?

One way to quiet these questions is seeking outside help. Pick a family member or friend that you trust, and tell them about why you have decided to break up. Honestly detail your reasoning to them (resist the temptation to exaggerate her flaws, or your own innocence), and see if they agree with you. If they do, this will strengthen your perspective and resolve. It would help even more if this person has knowledge of you/her and the relationship, and can confirm that some unhealthy things were going on.

If objective voices agree with your decision to break things off, and tell you this person was bad for you, then it will be much easier to believe your own instinct that this needs to end.

I remember once struggling to break it off with a girl for 2 straight weeks. I just couldn't seem to get out of "it." I knew (deep down) she wasn't a good person, and only in the relationship for selfish ends. I doubted I could trust her. I doubted the health of the relationship, and sensed it was not good for me – but I could never pull the trigger.

Then, my brother came by to hang out one day, and casually said, “She is a user who just wants to get something from you.” His casual comment set me free. My struggle stopped right there. It was one thing for me to think this relationship was bad – another thing, entirely, for a person who loves me to agree with my conclusion.

My brother added, “Consider this girl a tax write off. This is going to be expensive if you stay in this.”

He was saying: I know you’ve invested a lot in this girl, and you feel like you are losing a lot – and in a way you are. But hanging in this relationship will cost you way more in the long run. Count your losses; consider her a tax write off, and be glad you didn’t lose more.

Step 7. Shut the Door

“WALK OUT THE DOOR. SHUT IT BEHIND YOU.”

Don’t leave an opening for it to start back up – not even the tiniest opening. Not closing every reentry point to the relationship will make you vulnerable to the relationship restarting on a whim. Then, you will have to go through the painful ordeal of breaking it off again. Break it off utterly and completely and totally, with extreme prejudice. Delete contact info. Try to avoid social situations that would put you together. Throw out her stuff. If necessary, throw out stuff that reminds you of her.

The best you can, close down the lines of communication. Often, it's not as simple as, "Don't call me anymore." You may have to block his/her phone number and email address. If the person is really persistent, you may have to change emails or phone numbers. Mr. Number is a wonderful app that enables you to block someone from directly texting, but still keep their text messages stored. This is a good option if you need to stay in contact, but don't want him/her to have direct access to you.

Cutting off avenues of contact (phone; online chat; email; meet-ups) is the first major step in the process of breaking up. After all, if he/she can’t communicate with you, or you with her, it will be impossible for the two of you to get back together. On the other hand, if you leave lines of communication open, you are essentially – no matter what you say – leaving the door to the relationship open.

The point is: do whatever it takes to make sure the break is clean.

You are going to have to be pro-active. Staying in the relationship will require little effort; you/she have a routine of life together. It’s the natural thing to lean on her. So, if you want it to end, you must take positive tangible action to make sure this relationship doesn’t live another day. You going to have to go against what’s natural for you.

Remember Lot’s wife – flee, and don’t look back.

"Cutting off all contact seems cruel, but it’s a case of "cruel to be kind.” No response = no point in continuing this. Any response = keep trying. The quicker and cleaner your message is received, the sooner s/he will move on to someone else, and you will be free of a potentially explosive situation. The more little tidbits of contact you drop back into your ex’s court, the more frustrating it will become for your ex when you continue to resist further efforts. The more frustrated s/he becomes, the more his/her anger and rage become inflamed. No matter how difficult it is, no matter what tender feelings you still have, do not express any of that to your ex. It won’t help. It will just make the breakup more difficult for both of you."

STEP 8. Face It: It’s Gonna End Badly

Remember the line from the movie Cocktail, "Of course it ended badly. Everything that ends, ends badly, or else it wouldn’t end.”

This is breaking up – not making up – so it is not going to be pleasant and friendly. You’re probably not going to ride off into the sunset, together, on two different horses, as friends; you’re probably going to ride off into the sunset all by yourself with her galloping close behind, calling you names. Keep riding kimosabe; don’t stop for pleasantries cause there’s no pleasantry to be found here.
Having said this, you can still strive to leave well.

STEP 9. Leave Well

There are many things involved in doing your best to leave well.

-Say your sorry for where you wronged her.
-Try to be fair to her. You will be tempted to exaggerate her flaws, or cast the failure of the relationship as totally her fault. Avoid this temptation.
- Avoid angry arguments with her. These will only lead to more hurt feelings. It’s over; there’s nothing more to fight about.
-Resist the temptation to slander her, or speak negatively about her (unless, of course, in the context of warning someone about destructive behavior).
After you’ve tried to end it well, you may still find there’s lots of discord and disharmony. So be it.
Do your best to end things well, but know that this is going to be sloppy no matter what. Try to leave well – then, leave well enough alone.

"Please believe that your attempts to leave on good terms will most likely not pan out."

STEP 10. Grow From This

What good can come from a breakup? Surprisingly, a lot. There are things you needed to learn that you could have learned no other way. There are lessons from this failed relationship you can apply in other areas of your life, and in future relationships. In fact, this breakup might spare you a future break up. This breakup could very well spring one of the more productive periods of your life. Some plants grow in marshes that cannot grow in sunshine.

Reflect on yourself. What led you into a situation where you ended up with the wrong girl? How/why did you put yourself in this situation? Are you too trusting? Do you rush into love? Do you always go for the bad girl? Is their a character flaw in you that attracts bad relationships? Use this break up as a chance to take a long hard look at yourself: especially, as a chance to become a better man. Most men would rather have a good car than a good life; most men spend more time working on their cars than their hearts. Surely, a good life is way more important. Here’s your chance to not be like most men.
One very good thing that can come from a relationship/break up is self-evaluation. You can learn about yourself from this experience: your strengths and weaknesses. You can also learn something about women. You can also learn something about relationships: what is healthy/unhealthy; what makes relationships last; what leads to their demise.

This break up can be one of the best things that ever happened to you if you make this most of this opportunity. Lean all you can from this crash to make yourself a better pilot and prevent a future crash.

"Admit your weakness. Many times, though your partner is controlling and/or manipulative (which is wrong), that partner is exploiting your own weaknesses (which enables the controlling/manipulative behaviors). Though both of you are in the wrong, if you are to avoid the same problems in the future, you will need to address your own insecurities about abandonment, loneliness, and/or your tendencies to wish to "rescue” or by virtue of your love alone, “repair” whatever damage you perceive in others. However, no matter who is most responsible, this situation needs to end. Work out your issues on your own, after separating from this relationship."

STEP 11. Stay Positive

Try and cast your past relationship in a good light. Sure, it needed to end – but that doesn’t mean the whole thing was a waste of time.

This may seem to contradict Step 5 (Remember Why), but it's actually a companion. To be able to end it, you do need remember why the relationship needed to end; but, now that it is ended, you also need to battle a bitter and thankless attitude.

Spend some time reflecting on the positives that came from the relationship. Resist the temptation to view the relationship as an utter failure that was only broken. Surely, there were some benefits from this time spent with this person. Surely, you enriched her life in some way. Surely, also, she has enriched your life in some way.

Casting the relationship as an utter catastrophe with no redeeming qualities will not – as some think – make it easier to leave it behind. Casting the relationship as an utter catastrophe will only mean that you wallow in regret over wasted time, and fall into despair. Ironically, such despair may lead you back to the relationship for comfort. You can see how this becomes a cycle. Despair not! It’s true: every cloud has a silver lining.

"Look at the problem from a completely new angle; look at the positive side. See if you can identify 10 positive outcomes of this experience.”

STEP 12. Take Precautions

"Best safety lies in fear." -Shakespeare

This doesn’t so much have to do with following through on the break up. Rather, this step pertains to keeping you and your personal well being safe during/after the breakup. It’s hard to keep your head in emotional tumult; so, plan ahead, and take precautions whenever possible to ensure this break up does not come back to haunt you.

For example, if there is ever any legal issue that arises from your break up, you’re going to need evidence and documentation. Ex’s have been known to sue, harass, slander, get former lovers fired from jobs, and intrude on future relationships with lies.

Take measures in the present to prevent such future problems. If the two of you have any legal issue to resolve, or monetary issue to sort through, make sure to get something in writing that will pass muster in a court of law. Get the professional help of a lawyer if you even think there’s a chance you might need such help. Sure, it will cost you a few hundred bucks – not getting good legal advice might cost you a lot more.

Do NOT -- I repeat -- do not depend on the goodwill of this person. Did they write you a nasty threatening letter? And, now, they are asking you to throw it away because they are ever so sorry? Don't count on it. Did they say, "Oh, go ahead and keep the TV. I know I bought it, but I want you to have it." Sure, now they do, but in a month when the police arrive saying you "stole" the TV, you'll want some documentation.

In short, don’t take it for granted that you will work out the future details peacefully; the way to work those out peacefully is by working them out properly right now.

Hang on to any documentation that may come in handy. Keep those threatening texts, the rental agreement where she agreed to pay half the rent, the list of things that she agreed to let you take when you left, and the note you found that proves she was cheating the whole time. In short, don’t trust that she will do the right thing by you. Take measures to ensure that the right thing will be done. It hurts to think that someone you loved so dearly might betray you, and harm you socially, legally, or financially – but it hurts more to find yourself in a place where they can actually harm you; it hurts most when they actually do harm you.

“Don’t delete text messages or voice mails from your ex, but don’t respond to them, either. When you respond, it’s a minor win, and continues to feed the notion that a bigger win is in the offing. However, should your ex become stalker-ish, these text messages can provide valuable evidence to the police if you want to get a restraining order. Consider buying a digital recorder, and saving voice messages to a CD, a jump drive, or whatever, that you keep in a safe place for if and when the time is necessary.”

STEP 12. Stay Connected

Don’t try to do this by yourself. In fact, being alone leads to being lonely which leads to starting the relationship back up.

When will you be tempted to call her? When you are lonely, and just want someone to talk to. So, find someone to talk to before such a situation arises: have a friend in the dock waiting on the emergency, “I’m losing my mind,” call.

Also, don’t just wait until the last minute to make sure you are connected with friends – especially on the weekends. Plan ahead as much as possible so you don’t find yourself in the dangerous situation of being all alone on your couch on a Saturday night.

“Get your support network back. Go to the friends and family you will inevitably have been disconnected from by your controller, fall on your sword, and ask them to take you back. Without trash-talking (or letting others do it, either), you can say, "The bottom line is, you were right, the relationship was toxic, and once I realized it, I got out.”

Step 13. Stay Busy

Idleness is the failed relationship’s play thing. When will you be tempted to text her? When you are bored, at home alone, with nothing else to do. So, don’t put yourself in that situation. Some time for quiet reflection is good, but blank evenings of boredom are a different matter altogether. Try and plan ahead so that your week has a good and consistent schedule.

Step 14. Stay Invested

Stay invested in living your life. This means engaging in life activities. This means eating, even though, since the breakup, you haven't had an appetite. This means showing up at the Christmas party even though you feel miserable since its your first Christmas without him/her. This means going to the gym, and passing up the temptation to sit on the couch and flip through all the pictures of your time with him/her. This means committing to LIVE even when you feel lifeless.

Stay invested. This means trying to improve you even as you feel the break up is killing you. Take on some new challenges of personal and social development: take a dance class; learn karate; take a night class at the local college; starting working out; learn to play an instrument.

This break up has left a hole in your heart – sure, but on the bright side, it's also left a hole in your calendar. See this "hole" as an opportunity to do all the things you never had time for before.

Remember how you used to say, "I wish I didn't have to hang out with Pat tonight, I really wanted to..."

Remember what that "thing" was you wanted to do, and DO IT.

STEP 15. Embrace The Process

You probably won’t be able to make your break in one swift clean move. You’ll probably break away in fits and starts. You’ll probably mess up and send her a woe-is-me text at 1 am. Don’t despair. This is part of the process. The important thing is the DIRECTION, not the PERFECTION, of the break up; you want to keep moving farther and farther away from her: in the direction away from her.

Progress means, not that you never stumble, but that you keep going, even after stumbling.

Lightning Bolts Colliding

2015-10-08T18:06:00.000-05:00

My girl, I looked over the edge of the earth,
and I saw lightning bolts colliding,
and tears falling like rain,
and the women of Jerusalem, bent down,
picking up the shards of the promised land,
and I said to myself --

"We are headed there."
And, I suppose you saw that same vision,
and your heart secretly broke,
and then you tried to close your eyes,
and look back at me for some reassurance.

My eyes, however, were gazing at you,
and beyond you,
and I loved you too much to lie.

Getting Out Of A Bad Relationship? Don't Get In

2015-10-03T13:31:00.003-05:00

"Look before you leap."

"He who sups with the devil needs a long spoon." But wouldn't it be better not to sup with the devil at all.

People don't understand why you can't just end it. Everyone tells you: This person is bad -- but it is hard for you to see it. Hard, to believe it. You are so close, still dazzled by their the sunny-ness. This sunny-ness blinds you.

The time to get out of a bad relationship is before getting into a bad relationship. Once inside, the world looks different. You take it for granted that this person means you good. Before accepting a job, committing to a friendship, starting a relationship -- before, this is where the work of deciding is most need. Once you are "in" it becomes increasingly difficult to get out. Look at women in abusive relationships: it is hard to get out.

Excerpted Article Below is Helpful:

the University College London found that “feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling critical thought. It seems that once we get close to a person, the brain decides the need to assess their character and personality is reduced.”

Not only does romantic love suppress our critical thinking, but feel-good chemicals and hormones like oxytocin and dopamine cloud our judgment even more. Love truly gives us a drug-like “high,” and it feels so good that we simply ignore the red flags waving right before us. If by chance you do take notice of a gal’s negative behavior or attitude, you’re likely to minimize it, writing it off as a cute quirk, or telling yourself, “Oh, it’s not that bad. Besides, maybe I can be the guy to help her improve.”

Don’t fool yourself. You can’t force your partner to change; the change has to come from within. Also, problems that you notice at the beginning of a relationship tend to amplify themselves as the relationship deepens. Or as marriage expert Dr. John Van Epp says in his book, How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk, “The good doesn’t always last, and the bad usually gets worse.”

“Well,” you say, “I’m a manly man, dammit. I don’t let my emotions get the best of me in a relationship. I always think rationally.”

Hold on there, chief. Some research actually indicates that men, particularly men in their mid-twenties, “typically fall in love faster than women and are the first to take the lead in saying words of love in the initial stages of the relationship.” Women, on the other hand, are generally more apprehensive in the beginning stages of a relationship. In other words, just because you’re a dude, doesn’t mean you’re not susceptible to love blindness.

Knowing that your judgment is clouded, it’s important to enter any serious relationship with both your head and your heart. You need be able to distance yourself from the powerful emotions you’re likely feeling in a new relationship so that you can notice any red flags that might indicate that you’re destined for a relationship from hell. This is doubly important if you’re considering marriage.

But what sort of red flags should you be on the lookout for? While every man has his own personal relationship red flags or deal breakers, psychologists and marriage experts have found there are a few general red flags you should be aware of. Most of these are patterns of behavior in your partner that will likely (not definitely) result in a troubled relationship down the road.

Because people are usually on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship, some of these red flags won’t appear for awhile. According to Dr. Van Epp, it’s usually around the three-month mark that deep-seated patterns start to manifest themselves. This delay is why he and other relationship experts recommend that you take romantic relationships nice and slow.

Best Quotes From Great Gatsby

2015-10-03T13:17:00.003-05:00

He smiled understandingly-much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced--or seemed to face--the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“I was within and without. Simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams -- not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“They’re a rotten crowd’, I shouted across the lawn. ‘You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“His heart beat faster and faster as Daisy’s white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips’ touch she blossomed like a flower and the incarnation was complete.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promise of life, as if he were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away. This responsiveness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the 'creative temperament'--it was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again. No--Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“Then came the war, old sport. It was a great relief, and I tried very hard to die, but I seemed to bear an enchanted life.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“one of those men who reach such an acute limited excellence at twenty−one that everything afterward savors of anti−climax.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

When An Atheist Said, "There's No Proof God exists."

2015-10-03T13:16:00.001-05:00

I answered:

You keep saying there is no "proof" that God exists. There are many problems with this statement. The first obvious problem is that there is, indeed, abundant proof that god/gods exist. The proof? Worshipers.

Most people in human history have believed, naturally, that their was a creator of some kind, and they have worshiped as a result. Now, you can say that the God these people worshiped was not really "there," or not really able to help them, or not actually in existence. However, the CONCEPT of a God, and the reality of this concept is beyond denial. So, you have to agree that God, at least as an abstract concept, does indeed exist.

Also, some of the things that people worship are material. Sometimes men even worship each other. Thus, the Romans worshiped their emperors as gods. Now, you can say that the roman emperors were not TRULY gods, or true to the real concept of God. However, these were men that really existed and walked around on earth. So, you can't deny that they existed. God/gods do EXIST.

So, the "concept" of God does exist. When you say, "There is no God," -- this is not true. The most you can say is that there is no God that you personally acknowledge.

Remember, the term "God" can refer to more than the existence of an eternal being who created all things. "God," as a term, can refer to the one to whom we give allegiance; the one we follow; the one we obey; the center of our universe. Some, for example, worship money. Money is truly their God. Others worship power. Others worship rocks. Thus, it is not accurate for you to say "There is no God." Clearly, many people worship things: even material things.

So, you can't say, "There is no proof that God exists." There is abundant proof that people worship something/someone. There are many, many, many gods, and they set themselves before our eyes daily.

The question is NOT, therefore, "is there a God?" The question is, "Which is the TRUE God?"

Distant Discography

2015-08-14T02:35:00.001-05:00

I gave myself to the world
on a silver platter.
I played myself to the world,
like a song, on repeat, with a melody discrete,
but words that mean: words that matter.

Then, I waited on needles and pins for an answer
to the musicality of myself;
the unkind world treated me
like a record on a shelf:
out of style; scuffed with indignity.

I played myself louder;
they played me less and more
until my own song was, even to me,
a burdensome bore.
I became, even to to me, distant discography.

The Beginning

2015-08-14T02:32:00.003-05:00

CWK

It all began surreptitiously. You don’t know what that word means? Well, then, I advise you to look it up. I looked it up after I wrote it, and for the record, I just gained your attention, dear reader, surreptitiously.

Still, I’m not gonna tell you what ‘surreptitious’ means.

When I was in grad school, I carried a dictionary around with me for a couple of years. I’d come to find that there were many words I did not understand. Not just words in books, but words people said. Basic words. I was ashamed of this, and hard on myself. Inwardly, I maligned my own pedestrian erudition. Yes, you are definitely gonna need a dictionary to read this very short story. Admit it, and just go buy a pocket dictionary. You'll thank me later.

“He has good character, though not the erudition,” one of my professors said early in my time at grad school.

I so lacked erudition; I did not know what erudition was.

This brings me back to the beginning, but now I am bound to ask, “Which beginning?”

The beginning of all things occurred when The God called forth the universe with a simple, “Let there be.” They will not tell you that in school. The will not play this single on the radio, unless it is religious radio, but I don’t suggest anyone reading this listen to religious radio. Too irreligious. Anyway, The God called for the heavens and the earth, and that’s what happened in the beginning. Every other beginning comes after that one.

So, I am not talking about the beginning, but a beginning. I'm not even talking about the beginning of my life, but rather the beginning of the healing.

A single teenage mother was desperately pacing outside a hospital room. Her infant son was sick with a high fever. She, the doctors, everyone really, had given up hope. Then, a pastor came by and offered to pray. He had just lost his father. Still, he identified with the single mother. He prayed for fervently for his own loss. He prayed for me, and the fever broke, and I lived to write these words.

"hello."

2015-08-14T02:31:00.003-05:00

She said hello, I play the cello,
I like to wear yellow,
and I live a crazy life,
always wanted to be someone's wife,
to be Mrs. somebody.
I like to go out, scream and shout,
but I'm also a homebody.

I like to wear yellow,
and dance in the moonlight,
and run through sprinklers.
I will tell you the truth here,
but to tell you the truth dear,
I am, oh, um, not so sincere.

My Christmas

2015-08-14T02:30:00.000-05:00

My doubts turned sudden to surety:

false fears, to confidence.

Your true eyes were a cure to me:

the past’s sickling, long hence.

Affections flourished, undesigned;

true friendships blossomed. unelected.

The Sun on varied virtues shined

like dawn on night beauty new detected.
I found goodnesses unsought: unexpected.

Your enchanting beauty grows upon inspection.

My feelings have grown upon reflection:

the logical end of your beauties reason;

the welcome arrest of my hearts treason.

With all around within decay, you were my perfection.

You were my Christmas in a cold, dark, season.

The King and The Father

2015-08-14T02:29:00.001-05:00

"And the king said, Is the young man Absalom well?"—2 Samuel 18:29.

And the king said, Is the young man Absalom well?

So said he, after a brutal battle

wherein many fell — too many, yet, to tell —

at least 20,000 of his foe's — his Son's — men
were numbered with the fallen;

these perishing, not only in the field, by blade,
but also in the forest, where a fearful shade
concealed, like coffin, the death within.

When the route set in, Absalom's men
panicked, and flew, like frightened pigeons;
no more soldiers then, more children —
They plunged, in the fever of fright
— just before the peace, just before daylight —
into the forest in hope they might
escape the edge of the sword;
instead, they faced jaded cliffs, and bottomless caves,
that swallowed them, alive, like graves,
and barbed briers, and tangled thorns,
that tore their skin and stole their breath;
they ran from death to death.

But David thought not of them;
or, rather, he thought more of Absalom
than the destinies of all men and all Kingdoms.
His eyes rose, searched, and fell,
and he asked the question, like an argument,
"Is Absalom well?"
The father's anxious question

concerned his betraying, but still beloved, son;

He was a king, but in that moment,

he was a Father first,
and he feared the worst.

He did not ask, "Have we won the day?"

Nor, "How fare's Joab, the captain of my host?"

Nor even, "How fare I?"

He asked, "Is the young man safe?"

Had he been a more just King,

he never would have faced his son

on a field of slaughter.

Had he been a better Father,

he never would have faced his son
on a field of battle.

How strange: to be at war with one's own son:

the heart of one's own heart;

how strange to be more concerned with an enemy,

than your own men;

how strange that this enemy would be

your own son;

feelings conflicting: he chose his first love.

not unlike Absalom when
in his boyhood he mimicked his father,
and played at war
using sticks for swords
like death was just another toy.
How little do boys dream's true life touch;
how sadly do a father's dreams for his boy
sometimes turn to dust.

had showed here more of the father than of the king—more of affection than of wisdom; and that is, doubtless, a correct criticism upon the old man's absorbing fondness. David was no doubt, in this case, weak in his excessive tenderness. But, brethren, it is much more easy for us to blame a father under such circumstances than for us quite to understand his feelings; I may add, it would be wiser to sympathize, as far as we can, than to sit in judgment upon a case which has never been our own. Perhaps if we were placed in the same position we should find it impossible to feel otherwise than he did. How many there are at this present moment who have, no doubt, other very weighty businesses, but whose one only thought just now is, "Is the young man safe?

Could/Would/Should

2014-09-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

Here stands the good:
The Right; The Light; The Should;
The Love Which Is The Law.
Still, you demand
a more clear command,
More strength for the race,
More graces for grace.
"You would, but you can't."
But here is the truth absent cant:
The truth without slant:

You could -
if you would.
But, you dont?
Because... because?
Because, you pause:
You dont because you won't.

You may -
there's a way.
But you stay; you delay,
and pray (so you say)
for a better time and day.

The now is the how;
The true is to do;
The act is the fact.