The Write Curl Diary

Captured: Just Me. Just Hair.

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:19:00 +0000

Dry Braid Out
Braided hair then sprayed braids with Jane Carter Leave in
Sealed Ends with Natural Oasis and set on sponge rollers with end papers

Regular Braid Out
Braids were set on wet hair and ends were sealed
and rolled with sponge rollers and end papers

Roller Set
Blowdried on medium heat
Applied product (I don't remember what)
Then rolled on these rollers with end papers

High Bun
Done on several days old twist out

A Quick Note + A Simple Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 22:36:00 +0000

I had a great bun day on Sunday for my coffee date with Kim, Tiffani and Kristen.
The next day I attempted this again and it looked crazy. I hate it when that happens. Anyway, this post has nothing to do with this, but I wanted to share. :)

A Quick Note to My Blog Family:

Hey Fam! I've been so proud of myself for consistently posting Simple Freedom every Monday and now I've missed the last two Mondays (doh!) Oh well. I'm going to continue to try to stick to it as best I can. I considered waiting until next Monday to post this one but I couldn't wait. :) I'm sure by then I'll have some other topic that will be nagging me to write about it.

Anyway, please be patient with me as my posting will definitely be more sporadic over the next few months. My job is always very demanding at the beginning of the year and on top of that I have to take the Series 7 exam by March. I already have the Series 6 and 63, so I know I'll need a good 6 weeks to read all of the material and then do practice exams over and over.   Anyway, I'll have to sacrifice some writing time over the next couple months. When there's nothing new here, you can find my writing over at Peace Love and Pretty Things and every other week on Curly Nikki for Self-Concept Thursdays. You can also find me on Twitter...well sometimes. ;-)

Now for this week's Simple Freedom...

Simple Freedom | Face Your Fears

I noticed a theme in the comments left on this post. For most of us, fear plays some type of role in why we do or don't do things. Here are snippets from some of the comments:

"...In 2012 I would like to start school I would like to stop telling myself I can't do certain things..."

"...would love to stop myself from giving into fear...really anxious to learn how to use this emotion to propel me forward rather than back. It's always been a natural reaction to run the other way...but 2011 has taught me that it's important to walk through the fear and use it as a positive force. On the other hand, it could just mean we are all on the right track when it creeps up...so there's now an added sense of excitement when I think of a crazy idea that both scares me and gives me goosebumps!"

"...I've successfully lost 75 pounds, but gained 10 of it back, so now I want to finish what I started a two years ago. No reason why I shouldn't. I need to stop giving into fear of accomplishment."

These comments and my own intention to have a clearer understanding of the role of fear in my life led me to explore the subject this week.

*Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
~Marie Curie

Once I became aware that fear was affecting my choices, I really didn't know what to do about it. I guess I had to just sit with that awareness for awhile. In some aspects of my life, I'm still sitting with it. What I have developed though, is a passion for breaking down my fears and negative patterns so that I can understand them. If something bothers me, I'm determined to figure out why and make peace with it so it can't control me. It doesn't always happen as quickly as I want, but this is where I remind myself that it's about the journey not the destination.

Several years ago, I went through a phase when I was obsessed with the idea that my significant other was cheating on me. Obsessed, I tell you. I thought about it all the time and I started going through his phone. I had a couple of girlfriends at work who did this all the time, so I got caught up in their logic and made myself believe that this was something I needed to do to avoid being played for a fool.

I hated the way I felt about myself during that time. All I knew was that I didn't want to feel that way anymore. Who wants to be in a relationship where they have to check their man's texts and emails in order to feel secure? Certainly not me. It took me some painful soul searching to figure out how I'd gotten to that place, but once I understood it, I was able to free myself of that hurtful obsession. And trust, it was about ME not HIM. (Some of you may have similar insecurities in your relationship or marriage or perhaps you have in the past. I plan to do a whole post on this topic sometime soon. I touched on the origin of these feelings here.)

*Panic at the thought of doing a thing is a challenge to do it.
~Henry S. Haskins

One of the commenters above mentions a sense of excitement that comes from a crazy idea that scares her and also gives her goosebumps (the good kind!). That's the kind of scary that we shouldn't avoid. There's probably something you want to do that gives you goosebumps, but you're afraid to do it.

For instance, I want to be a writer. But the idea of writing for a living completely freaks me out. I love to write, but what if I stop loving it when I start doing it for money? Sometimes we're not afraid of the thing itself, but we're afraid of the process of getting there. My suggestion would be to just start. Do something to bring you a step closer. My start has been blogging and guest posting. I'm just beginning to realize that this is my purpose and I'm taking it more seriously. What's next? The possibilities give me those good goosebumps, so I'm going to keep writing.

*There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear.
~George S. Patton

Since we all must deal with fear on some level, there comes a time when we must discern between the fear that can push us forward and the fear that can hold us back. The answers are already there inside of us if we only listen. It's called intuition. When there's something positive and challenging that you want to do with your life, that's when it's time to take fear by the hand and bring it along with you   Recognize the nervous energy for what it is and allow it to fuel you. Likewise, when your inner voice tells you that you're heading down the wrong path, believe it. Trust yourself.

*Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death. ~Betty Bender

To free yourself from that frustrating inertia that comes from fear, learn to recognize the difference between the excited goosebumps and the warning signs and consider letting fear be your friend. No? Frenemy maybe? No matter how you look at it, remember that with great risk comes great reward.

If you have a testimony about a time that you overcame fear or a time that you used it to your advantage, please share in the comments. I'd love to hear about it.

Love and Locks | What I Really Want to Do

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 00:28:00 +0000

I want to be a writer. I need to admit that more often.

I want to make pretty things with words on them that inspire people to be happy and be strong and to love each other.

I want to surround myself with peaceful people who value diversity and character.

I want to be healthy and strong.

I want to laugh and be silly, color with crayons, take lots of pictures and display them with inspiring words to capture what they mean to me.

I want to dance every day and pretend I'm on a stage.

I want to inspire people.

I want to have quiet time alone to reflect, rebalance and create - but still make time to support and connect with friends and family.

I want to know what it feels like for someone to want to marry me. A certain someone actually.

I want to read more and write more.

I want to spend time with old people. Not so much the mean ones.

I want to study tai chi and become a yoga master.

I want to give my children security and stability, but I also want to inspire them to live outside the box.

I want to have multiple streams of income.

I want to encourage open dialogue about mental illness and emotional imbalance and the effect they have on women.

I want to resolve problems without anger or fear clouding my perspective.

I want to get in shape.

I want to be more grateful.

And if I didn't mention it already, I want to write about all of it!

These are just some of the things that I'm working towards - not just for 2012 specifically. These are ongoing, evolving lifestyle goals. I hope to be able to write more next week. Thanks for checking in and have a great weekend! xo

Start. Stop. Continue. - New Year 2012 Edition

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 10:21:00 +0000

This edition of Start. Stop. Continue. will be a bit different. I'll be reflecting on what I've learned in 2011 and what I'm focusing on for 2012.

My very first post of 2011 was Closure: Letter to the Me that Got Away. How perfect! I started this year by letting go of any remnants of the identity crisis that had me spinning precariously through my late twenties. That post definitely set the stage for my 2011 journey towards becoming more unapologetically me.

START:

*Walking the Walk*

I already know that I'm good enough just the way I am. It's time for me to start acting like it. I have a new perspective on my shortcomings and mistakes to take into the new year - They Don't Matter. They only matter if I allow my thoughts about them to get the best of me. In February, I wrote about giving up the victim mentality and holding myself accountable. There are really no excuses -- only choices.

As such, I'm choosing to start trusting myself. Particularly trusting the choices I make as a mother.

When it comes to parenting, 75% of the time I feel like I don't know what the hell I'm doing. But I'm trying. I've never worked so hard at anything in my life. Real talk - if anything else in life were this hard, I think I would have quit a long time ago. I've been terribly afraid of missing out on my life and the things I want to do because I'm raising three children. Terrified that my distraction with figuring out life for myself would hurt them in the long run.

But I know that I was chosen to raise them for a reason. Being a mother is part of my purpose. No matter how scary or complex it seems. I have a new found resolve and I'm redefining what it means to me to be a mother, a woman, a creator, a soul with other souls to tend to.

source

STOP:

*Holding Back*

I started this blog right when I was on my natural hair high towards the end of my transition. I talked about hair much more often back then. While hair is still a passion of mine, it's just a part of a whole lifestyle transition that also includes style, body image, diet, emotional and physical health, and much more. As I've become less specifically consumed with hair, I've been considering changing the name of the blog. While I feel that the content has evolved with me, the name doesn't seem to be the best fit anymore. I'm still thinking about this one, but there may be a change coming.

With change comes the familiar yet unwelcomed concern about how everyone will feel about it. "Will I lose subscribers if I change the name of the blog?" Maybe so. But maybe I will also gain some. Either way, I'm not going to hold myself back. In 2012, I need someone to charge me a dollar every time I act like I need to please everyone and their mother. That mentality is such a hindrance for me. I know I'm not alone. How often do you avoid change to keep other people happy or comfortable? Well, I've played it out enough for all of us.

CONTINUE:

*Figuring It Out As I Go*

I fully expected to have waist length (WL) hair by the end of 2011! Right now, I'm just about grazing bra strap length (BSL).   I had two inches cut in August followed by another 2 or 2 1/2 in November, so that has a lot to do with it. I don't regret it though because I want my ends to be healthy and they were not.

I'm still hoping to reach my goal in 2012. I'm happy that I've learned to listen to my hair. What I know now that I didn't know at the beginning of 2011 is that my hair needs to be trimmed more often than I thought (in order to keep it manageable), my hair likes some products with mineral oil (used strategically), and my hair is more cooperative when it's stretched in some way. These discoveries have been significant in learning my natural hair and going from a novice when I started this blog in 2009, to maybe an intermediate level now (and that's generous). I still have much to learn.

Much like my hair, my relationship has been a constant exercise of trial and error. We've been together for the better part of 12 years and we've grown apart in some ways and we've grown together in other ways. And it's been anything but easy. Everyone says that it takes work, but how do you know when it's too much work? We talk about that all the time and I can't say that we've come up with a practical answer.

Anyway, I'll say this:  I get consumed with the kids - plain and simple.  I know it and I'm sorting through it. It takes a dedicated effort to stay in tune with each other and keep the lines of communication open.   I will continue to be honest, loving and openminded (most of the time...)

I'd love to hear some of the things that you'd like to start, stop or continue in 2012. Please share with me in the comments.

Also, please have a safe and happy new year's weekend. See you Monday!!

Simple Freedom: Define Your Own Happy Holiday

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 10:44:00 +0000

source

Hello my loves. I hope you're having a peaceful holiday season.

I love Christmas. I love holidays, birthdays, milestones -- essentially, any event that brings my family and loved ones together. Now, I don't love the consumerism and expectations that come along with some of these things, but I try to keep it all in perspective.

Just like everything else in my life, I've had to reevaluate holidays and how I choose to celebrate them. I used to do a lot of things that I'd been programmed to do, even though many of them didn't make sense or weren't meaningful to me. I don't think anyone should be feeling overwhelmed or unhappy because all of these things they feel they have to do, gifts they have to buy, expectations they have to meet, face they have to save.

Am I the only one that has ever dreaded the inevitable post-Christmas questions?   "What did you get?"   "Did you get everything you wanted?" Gulp. I don't know, maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but it actually makes me pretty uncomfortable. Always has. You just never know a person's situation.  I've had Christmases where I was barely able to pay my light bill. I've had Christmases where my relationship was hanging on by a thread. Gifts? They're nice, but they're not what my holidays are about.

"In all affairs, it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."
~Bertrand Russell

What makes a happy holiday for you? Whatever your answer is, please make sure that it comes from within. Not from the media, not from your peers or colleagues, not even from your parents if their traditions don't ring true for you. Define your happy holiday for yourself.

As we close this year, I hope you will take a close look at your life and find ways to alleviate some of the strain or pressure that you feel from trying to live up to expectations. Don't get caught up.  Who are you trying to please? Whose life are you living? Just give it some thought.

By the way, it bothers me that I've only been able to post once a week lately. I'm adamant about not letting it drop any more than that. This outlet is so important to me, and when I can't tend to it, I get cranky! Over the next three months, I'll be studying for a test that I need to take for work, so I know it will be challenging to find time to write. But I gotta write, so I know I'll find the time. As always, thanks so much for taking the time to come see me.

Much Love,
GG

Simple Freedom: Don't Let A Bad Day Make You Think You Have a Bad Life

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 23:00:00 +0000

source

Before I even go in on the subject of bad days, let me assure that I have my share of them.   So, I'm in no position to lecture anyone about how they should be happy and positive all the time. That's unrealistic, and to be perfectly honest, people who seem happy all the time kind of annoy me.

I will say, though, that I've learned how to keep my bad days in the right perspective and not allow them to sour my whole outlook on life (like I used to).

While some days we walk around with our pockets full of sunshine, there are other days when dark storm clouds seem to follow us wherever we go. Things go wrong. We receive bad news. We have arguments and misunderstandings. And things just seem to snowball.

And sometimes on these days, we feel so gloomy that we think everything about our lives is wrong. It's like we open ourselves up and allow every negative thought that comes up to just run free.

Here's where your perspective is so important. Major tragedies aside, most things that bring us down are simply inconveniences that we've overemphasized in our minds.

When things aren't going your way and you're feeling down and out, don't lose sight of these truths:

"Much of your pain is self-chosen."
~Kahlil Gibran

* The more you learn to roll with the punches of life, the less suffering you will endure. Remember, pain may be brought on by external sources but suffering is a state of mind that we can control.

"If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change." ~John A. Simone, Sr

*Nothing is permanent. The more we come to accept the impermanence of things, the more peace of mind we'll have. By definition, situations are always changing. When we cling to things - we suffer. So just let go, and observe what you can learn from the situation.

"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt." ~Max Lerner

*Find strength and understanding in the midst of what's going on. You've been sad before. You've felt disconnected and uncertain before. And you got through it. Take a break. Don't make any decisions or sweeping assumptions while you're feeling bad. Rest. Pray. Get back to balance and start again tomorrow.

Y'all know that I'm very passionate about mental and emotional health. With the holidays, and the short daylight hours and cold weather, many of us start feeling down around this time of year. Be sure to stay active and do what you need to do to keep your spirits up. Speaking of holidays, am I the only one that's not done shopping?!

My First Pinterest Creation

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 13:00:00 +0000

This here was created by moi for my Pinterest board: Wise Words. I've been finding so much inspiration on Pinterest, so I decided that I needed to add some of my own original words and thoughts. If you're not familiar, Pinterest is basically like a virtual vision board. This particular pin is an excerpt from this post on PLPT. I think I'm going to make some more of these.

Are you making time for creativity in your life? Have you tried something new this week?

Well, the week isn't over yet! Don't overthink it. Just do it. :)

Captured: Bangs

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 22:19:00 +0000

I've been toying with the idea of cutting my bangs for awhile now. I haven't had bangs since I went natural so I don't know how they'll look when I where my hair curly but I went for it anyway. I figure I can always just blend them in with the rest of my hair when I wear twist outs. I'm going to try and wash it tonight because I didn't get to it this past weekend. We'll see. Successfully washing my hair on a week night is an ambitious endeavor! Hope you're having a great week so far! xo

Simple Freedom: When You're Ready to Talk About It, You'll Know.

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 18:09:00 +0000

I've been pretty ambiguous about my marital status on this blog. Afraid of judgment I guess. I'm not married and I don't know if I'll ever get married. I eluded to having a secret that I was keeping from you all here. I still wasn't ready to just come out and say it. As much as I try to act like it's not, it's a sensitive issue for me.

My significant other is the father of my children, my partner, my love - but not my husband.

There I said it. It feels really good to get that out. I'm sure if you've been reading for awhile, you can imagine how much I've wanted to write about this. I mean I share so much with y'all and this is an aspect of my life that I have a lot of feelings about.

In addition to fearing judgment, I also wanted to respect his privacy. He's very private when it comes to his personal life, and he is NOT a fan of social media. He supports my writing and blogging but does not like the fact that I get so personal here. Oh well, this is an area where he and I have to agree to disagree.

So, why am I all of a sudden writing about this? After starting countless posts about this and deleting them? After I just said that I wanted to respect his privacy?

Well, the answer is pretty simple. This blog is my sacred place. I don't go to therapy anymore - I write. I don't get to talk to my friends as much I would like so - I write. And over the last couple years, I write more on my blogs than I do in my personal journals. I find that just when I think I'm the only person in the world going through something, I blog about it and low and behold I find that I'm not alone.

So, over the last few months, I started feeling like I was ready to talk about it. Then, this past weekend, I knew that I would write about it this week. Then, this morning, I knew that I would write about it today.

This post is not intended to get into the gritty details of my relationship, but to show you by example how we can overcome our insecurities and accept ourselves for who we are. There will always be criticism and no matter what we do, someone is going to think we should do it differently. So we might as well do what we feel is best for us and live authentically.

If you've been holding something back in your life, please know that when you're ready to address it, you will. If you're seeking freedom and awareness in your life, then eventually your need to express yourself will begin to outweigh your fear.

Let me tell you, now that I've put it out there, I feel so uninhibited. I even feel a little silly for not talking about it sooner. It's interesting how we hide things about ourselves and worry what people will think. Why do we care so much about the opinions of others when we know can't control them?

Remember, this is your life, your story and your truth. And that's what this Simple Freedom series is all about - fully embracing your truth and letting go of the insecurities that distract you from being your best self.

Thank you so much for reading, lovelies. I can't find the words to express how much it means to me. xoxo

Simple Freedom: Nothing Compares to You

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 17:26:00 +0000

It's hard not to compare yourself to others. We often have this perception that our weaknesses hurt us more than our strengths benefit us. And this usually causes us to undervalue ourselves. We compare ourselves to our friends, peers and colleagues. We measure our worth based on how much money we make, our homes, cars and clothes, or our relationship status. This habit of comparing makes it difficult to appreciate who you are, what you have and what you are doing with your life.

Recently, I was listening to a friend fill me in on what she's been up to. I only talk to her every couple months or so, and she always has a lot to say. Anyway, as I listened, I realized that I didn't have a lot of monumental life changes going on in my life right now. She seemed to have a little bit of everything going on. Part of me was slightly annoyed at how she was dominating the conversation, but another part of me was relieved because I didn't have much to report. I'm still a mom who writes and goes to work and raises her kids. Not much had changed since our last catch-up. I started wondering if I should feel some type of way about this. Am I stagnant? Am I not moving forward?

Once I had a chance to think through some of the unpretty feelings I was having, I had an enlightening moment of sorts. It was kind of like a "duh" moment at the same time, actually. Anyway, I realized that at this point in my life, my number one priority is raising my children. Everything else comes after that.

OK, duh, right? Here's the enlightening part...

Live life on your own path. Everybody's got something different and the combination of energies that makes you who you are is unduplicated.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something when I hear about the adventures that other women around my age are having. And maybe I am! But I'm reminded now that I'm OK with that. I'm raising three human beings who need their mom and dad to be engaged and highly involved in the intimate details of their lives. I know that won't always be the case, so I'm thankful for the ability to have an impact on them during this time. Because they are my priority, most of my decisions are centered around them. My financial decisions, personal pursuits, lifestyle choices, are all affected by my choice to be a mom (and three times over at that).

So, it doesn't really serve me at all to compare myself to anyone else because we all have our own unique situations. How we live our lives and make decisions are manifestations of those wonderful energies I mentioned earlier that make us who we are and create the texture of our lives. Why view someone else's choices as better or worse than our own? It doesn't even make sense really. Maybe we think our lives would be easier, but it wouldn't. More fun? No. More success? Probably not. Joy and fulfillment in life come from being fully in touch with who YOU are and living wholeheartedly from that awareness.

I don't want to do this life thing like anyone else. Even with all the ups and downs, my life is my own mysterious and amazing gift from God. Instead of feeling better or worse about my life when listening to someone else's story, I feel intrigued and curious about what makes people do what they do and feel how they feel. I'm just fascinated with the complexity of life, I guess.

What about you? How do you avoid comparing yourself to others? Or perhaps you have a completely different perspective on it. If so, I'd love to hear it.

As always, thanks for reading. 1 4 3 :)

Love and Locks | A Week of Updos

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 04:52:00 +0000

As we speak, there are six little girls between the ages of 4 and 6 asleep in my living room. My daughter is having a slumber party for her 6th birthday. By the time you read this, the party will be over and hopefully I'll be somewhere napping.

Since my time and energy is limited, I just wanted to share with you the updos that I improvised this week. I put my hair in twists after a quick wash and condition on Sunday, then I rode that out all week by pinning and bunning my hair in different ways. These aren't truly protective styles, but they are definitely low manipulation.

I hope you're enjoying your weekend!

Simple Freedom | Let Go of Patterns That Hurt You

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 17:37:00 +0000

source

This week, put forth a concerted effort to change a self-destructive habit.

Don't overpromise. Keep it simple. Zone in on something, maybe a negative thought pattern that you can target and make a conscious effort to let go.

I'll share mine with you. Ever since I became a mother, I've had issues with anxiety.

I've gone to therapy about it, prayed about it, and I talk and write about it. These things help tremendously, but it's something I have to manage everyday. I don't want it to hold me back, you know?

I want to overcome it and to stop indulging in the negative thought patterns that bring it about.

When I don't attend to it, my feelings of anxiety turn into bouts of depression and sadness. I feel anxiety over everything from the air quality in my home (my kids are always sniffling!), to whether or not my daughters will be affected by the mental illness that runs in my family (I'm always looking for "signs" in my older daughter), to when someone doesn't say hello to me (are they mad at me?!). Some things I can control, and other things I can't control, change or predict. Perhaps you can relate. Perhaps it sounds like crazy talk. Either way, we all have our stuff.

The way I deal with my anxiety is to keep my thoughts and my surroundings as positive as possible. I don't spend time with negative people, I read uplifting books and blogs, I listen to positive music. I love to be silly and laugh and find the silver lining in everything. I'm a positivity junkie and proud of it. I'm learning to not internalize every piece of bad news that I hear (talked about that here under STOP). I'm learning to be just a bit detached, in a healthy way, from the nuances of life because I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and we only cause ourselves to suffer when we try to control and rationalize everything.

What behavior can you target this week to improve your state of mind? Here are some ideas:

*Do you check your partners' text messages/emails/voicemails and then obsess over them?
*Do you spend money beyond your means and then feel guilty afterwards?
*Do you indulge in gossip and complaining and then feel bad about the negative feelings that remain with you afterwards?
*Do you have a grudge against someone that you need to let go?

Whatever it is, search yourself and target that thing. Remember the bad feelings and self-loathing that will result from indulging in it - then choose to respond to that urge differently.

Remember that the goal is to empower yourself to be free of anything that distracts you from being your best self. I know I can do it and I know you can do it. xoxo

Weekend Whimsy | Mom On-The-Go Style

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 13:22:00 +0000

"To be a fashionable woman is to know yourself, know what you represent, and know what works for you."

My typical weekend is filled with kids, errands, laundry, birthday parties, functions with friends and family, ballet and basketball and then more errands, and more kid stuff (playdates, etc.) Comfort is an absolute must, but so is polish. The older I get, the more particular I get about how I present myself when I step out - even if it's just for a day of errands with the kids. These photos pretty much capture what has been my uniform for weekend, mom-on-the-go style this fall.

cozy scarves

skinny jeans or leggings

with a messy bun

and comfy knee boots

All images from Pinterest

Love and Locks | Male Sensitivity and Curly Updos

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 15:50:00 +0000

source

I hope y'all had a Thanksgiving Day that was perfectly perfect for you. Whether it was a quiet one or a festive one, I hope that you enjoyed yourself.

Our day was cozy and intimate with just the five of us. Right before we ate, we went around the table and each of us said one thing that we are thankful for. Here's how it went (using nicknames):

Bubba (9 yr old son): "I'm thankful for my family."

Babygirl (1.5 yr old daughter): "Binky". (That's her answer to everything.)

Mom: "I'm thankful for the health and well-being of my family and loved ones."

Lulu (almost 6 yr old daughter): "I'm thankful for this yummy food and for my birthday." (Her birthday is coming up on Wednesday.)

Dad: "I'm thankful for everyone sitting around this table. I know I don't say it often enough, but I'm so thankful for my family and the life we have together." (got emotional and choked up...smiled...tried to keep talking...didn't work so I took over)

Wow, I mean he never gets emotional like that. Well, very rarely. I was pleasantly surprised to see him softening up in front of the kids, because they always see the dad who's a tough disciplinarian or they see the dad who's really a playful kid in a man's body. They rarely see him showing emotion in this way. I'm the one who cries randomly from joy, sadness or just plain old fatigue. But underneath all of daddy's armor, he's got this very sensitive side and he's totally uncomfortable about showing it. I think if he did this more often, he'd feel better and not be so uptight. How is he uptight? Well, that's a post for another day. :)

*******

If you've got some time off and are looking for some good reads around the web this weekend, check out these links:

Relationships
Three Ideas to Help Men Become More Thoughtful    I so have a post brewing on this one!

Self-Development
Getting Closure   I especially loved the end of this post when the writer is talking about falling in love with herself. I totally get it.

Writing
The Misunderstanding of Male Sensitivity    I love a man who's very masculine, a little rough around the edges, and as I mentioned above - still not afraid to show how they feel.

Hair
Amel Larrieux's Natural Hair Journey     Hair Idol Alert!

Music
3 Reasons We Love VV Brown   Love her! First heard Shark in the Water on VH1 Soul.

A little hair talk after the jump...

*******

YaYa

One of the best parts about being natural is being able to go back and forth between straight and curly without the use of chemicals. I've been wearing my hair straight for most of the fall, and I'm missing my curls something terrible. So, I'm going to wash my hair this weekend and bring the waves and curls back. But since I'm also ready to give my hair a break, I'm going to start sticking to updos as much as possible. The photos of YaYa Dacosta above were the closest I could find to my vision for next week's hair. I'll be sure to share pics of my experiments.

For now, I hope you have a great weekend and remember:

There are absolutely no worldly circumstances, under which you can't or shouldn't be making the very best of things.

~ go to www.tut.com to receive daily pick me ups like this. xo

Food for Thought + Happy Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 20:56:00 +0000

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~Melody Beattie

Simple Freedom: Confront Your Joy Snatchers

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 18:42:00 +0000

via Pinterest

What are Joy Snatchers?

Joy snatchers are those little things that pick away at your peace of mind and make you feel like poop. Joy snatchers can be people, places or things. They distract you when you are trying to be productive. They cause strain and stress in your relationships. Perhaps they bring out a side of you that you don't like or pull negative energy out of you. They can trigger feelings of depression and self-loathing and are often responsible for those random bad days when you're in a funk and you can't really explain why.

What are your joy snatchers? Here are just a few possibilities:

*Jealousy

Maybe instead of appreciating what you have, you feel slighted because you think others have more or better than you. Do you sometimes want to feel happy for people but can't seem to see past your own perceived lack? Have you ever started off the day feeling great and then heard someone else's good news and suddenly had an attack of self-pity? *Raises Hand* This is not a pretty thing to admit in the least, but we've all been there and this does not make you a bad person!

*Lack of Reciprocity

Do you overlook the meaningful relationships in your life and focus on the the broken or non-existent ones? Perhaps you invest a lot of time and energy into building a relationship with someone who is not giving you the same investment and you're upset about it - trying to figure out what's wrong with you? Why won't they like you or love you as much as you like or love them? They don't acknowledge your efforts or your gestures and you keep on trying to impress them to no avail.

*Over-Accessibility

Do you entertain any and everything that people have to say to you? The media? Your neighbors? Your family? Co-workers? If you're open to it, everywhere you turn, someone will be complaining about something, gossiping about something, spreading fear in covert ways and leaving you wondering why you suddenly feel so heavy. Sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's not. It's up to you to restrict access to your consciousness and not let everything in. You are not a dumping zone or a vessel to catch and recycle everyone's fears and bad feelings.

How do you control Joy Snatchers?

First, you have to recognize them and their impact on the quality of your life. You have to want to be free of their control over you. Get to know the sources. Search yourself honestly and without judgement to determine why you are susceptible to these things. Begin to train your mind to embrace Abundance instead of Lack and Faith instead of Fear.

There's no magic solution and your journey to freedom will be unique. It has helped me tremendously to be brutally honest with myself and know my triggers. What has helped you overcome sources of negative energy in your life? Or, what specific joy snatchers do you need help with? Leave a comment below or contact me.

Have a self-loving, drama-free, deliciously amazing and grateful holiday!

Lots of Love,
GG :)

Weekend Whimsy

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 16:42:00 +0000

"A quotation at the right moment is like bread in a famine."

All images from Pinterest.

Start. Stop. Continue. - Vol. 3

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:17:00 +0000

START:

*Protective Styling*

I love Autumn weather so much that I've primarily worn my hair down for most of the season. It offers the best hair weather of all the seasons, don't you think?

With harsher weather approaching along with its wool sweaters, hats and scarves - I'm going to start protective styling again. It's not just the cold weather either. When my hair is down, I just mess with it more. My hands are in it. My daughter's pulling at it and putting it in her mouth. It gets caught under the strap of my purse, etc. There are so many sneaky hair damagers in every day life.

Anyway, I want to keep my ends healthy for as long as possible with the hope that I won't need another trim until February or so. I'm sure I'll still wear my hair down at least one week out of each month, but my main protective style will be the bun. I'm looking forward to experimenting with various updos and being creative. Also, check out these super cute satin lined winter hats and knit scarves designed to keep you warm without damaging your hair.

STOP:

*Carrying the Weight of the World on My Shoulders*

Lately, I feel like I've been grieving too much. I know that must sound weird because I haven't lost anyone.

But when people suffer around me or I hear about someone suffering, I always imagine how they must be feeling. And once I get into those dark feelings, I have a hard time letting it go. I think about how that parent must be feeling who just lost their child, or that woman who just found out that her cancer has returned, etc. I feel like I have to acknowledge their pain and let it sink in.

I know this is depressing, but it's a real issue for me. It's too much. Sometimes it distracts me from envisioning happy things, you know? At times I'll even feel guilty for being happy and expecting more happiness. I need to learn to have a certain amount of detachment from bad news. Yes, bad things happen. But dwelling on them is not healthy and can cast a shadow over your life. I love this quote: "Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings."

Continue:

*Watching Oprah's Life Class*

I have all the episodes saved on my DVR, but so far I've only watched three of them. I like to watch with no distractions, so that limits me to when no one else is home or everyone else is asleep. The episodes are also available online. I love Today's Question and reading all of the answers from her audience. It really showcases how so many of us have the same fears and insecurities. Here are some examples:

What's the Best Thing and the Worst Thing About the Age You Are now?

What bring you joy? What steals your joy?

What's holding you back right now?

What are you Starting, Stopping, and Continuing right now?

Hair Update: Trial and Error and Scissor Happy Stylists

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 15:05:00 +0000

Left Photo: Before Trim Right Photo: After Trim ~ The best way to tell the difference to observe where the hair hits my boobie.

The Background

Back in August, I was feeling overwhelmed with maintaining and styling my hair, so I got two inches cut off. Ever since then, I've been in love with hair all over again and styling has been so much easier.

How has it been easier? *Less tangles and pulling hair out while washing and conditioning. *Less manipulation during styling (when I separate into sections for twisting, braiding or blowdrying, it separates easily). *No matter how I wear my hair, the style seems to maintain better throughout the day. *Of course, I still have the natural hair "swell" that occurs throughout the day (that I love) but it's more contained. *It swells and gets bigger, but I don't have a crazy detrimental detangling session to deal with at the end of the night.

Since I've been natural, I've only had my hair professionally trimmed two or three times. I was a long term transitioner, so I got my hair cut frequently while I was growing the relaxer out. I've relied primarily on search and destroy sessions and/or dusting to keep my ends somewhat healthy. But now I've realized that if I'm going to continue to grow my hair, I will only be able to do so with regular trims. Otherwise, I just don't have the time or patience to maintain it.

The Learning Opportunity

With this realization, I scheduled a reminder on my calendar to get my hair trimmed in early November, about three months after the August trim. I'd decided to get a trim every three months and see how that works. The stylist who trimmed my hair in August works at a Haircuttery right down the street from my house and she did a great job. She did exactly what I asked. Initially, I asked her to only trim one inch. She didn't push back, didn't argue. Once she got started, she sectioned off my hair and started trimming. After a couple snips, she held a section out and showed me how much she was cutting. She asked me if I was sure that I only wanted one inch. I looked at the piece she was showing me and said, you know what, go ahead and cut two inches so that I know I'll really be able to feel the difference. And so she did.

I absolutely loved the results and how cooperative she was. For $15.99, I knew I'd continue coming back to her for my trims every three months and I gave her a great tip.

Fast forward to about a week ago, I had some free time on my hands and went by the Haircuttery (without calling or referencing the card the stylist gave me with her hours on it) and of course she wasn't there. There was however, another stylist ready and available to trim my hair. So, I paused for just a second and said OK, I mean it's just a trim. It shouldn't be that big a deal for any stylist to do it.

Wrong.

Here's the conversation that ensued:

Her: When's the last time you had a trim?
Me: August
Her: Oh! Well, you're long overdue.
Me: No, I'm actually right on time. I get my hair trimmed every three months.
Her: Oh. (voice full of disapproval) OK if you say so.
Me: Well, that's what works best for me because I'm trying to grow my hair. Any more frequent than that and my hair will pretty much stay the same length. Plus, I wear my hair curly quite a bit (she squinched her face up when I said that!) and for curly styles it doesn't matter so much if it's cut perfectly.

I don't know why I always try to reason with people. Sometimes you just need to be firm and that's it. Anyway, if you haven't already guessed, despite my request that she only cut 1/2 inch or 1 inch max, she cut at least two inches. Seems like more in some places, but maybe I'm just being dramatic. I could tell she was cutting a lot but I didn't say anything. I told myself that my hair was long enough that even if she cut more than I wanted, it wouldn't affect it too much. By the time she was done, my hair was just about arm pit length again.

Let me say this, I know that it's just hair and it will grow back. That's why, although I was annoyed, I didn't make a big deal or scene in the salon.

The Discovery

I learned a few things from this situation. First, I am probably the type of client who is extremely annoying to a stylist because I think I know more about my hair than they do. And I do, dammit. I want full decision making authority and accountability over my hair.

I need to stick to stylists that I have developed a relationship and rapport with, so that I can trust them to do what I ask. What's important to me as a client, is that the stylist does what I ask - even if they disagree. I don't know if that goes against what they are taught to do, but that's what I want!

I also learned that I probably only need to go every six months - unless of course I'm noticing an unusual amount of damage. My revised plan is this - I will get my hair trimmed every three months, but will alternate between Vonnie (bestie mentioned above) and the Haircuttery. We'll see how that works.

What is your trimming process? How often? Who cuts it? How did you figure out what works best for you?

Simple Freedom: Put Yourself First

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Sweet Gems

Today, let me remind you that it's not only okay to put yourself first - it's necessary. I'm going to share with you several posts that I revisit when I'm feeling unnecessarily guilty for doing what I have to do to take care of myself.

***********

Sometimes You Just Have to be Selfish

Every now and then, you're going to have to say no. You're going to need to take a step back and make sure that YOU are okay. When you're a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and all around superwoman, people will come to expect things from you. It only becomes a problem when you begin to feel overwhelmed or unhappy.

When's the last time you flew on an airplane? At the beginning of every flight, the flight attendant reminds the able-bodied adults that in the case of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on FIRST before you assist children and the elderly. Why? Because what good can you do to anyone else if you can't breathe? Are you following me? Read more

Becoming Your Own Best Friend

There comes a day when we all realize that we can't please everyone. We realize that people are going to judge us no matter what we do. Even with those realizations, it's often hard to stop making decisions based on what other people will think. But what about what you think?

It's not about being selfish or self-absorbed, it's about being self-aware. It's okay to know yourself enough to follow your heart and trust your decisions. One way to stop placing so much emphasis on what other people think is to become your own best friend. No matter what comes and goes in this life, you will always have yourself. You should protect, nurture and handle yourself with the utmost care. The better you treat yourself, the less tolerant you will be of people in your space who don't value you the same way. It will also be easier for you to exist in your relationships without losing yourself. Read More

Who You Are vs. Who You "Ought" To Be

When's the last time you stopped to think about how much you've grown? How far you've come? How much you've changed? It's great to have goals, hopes and dreams, but sometimes we get so caught up in how we want to be that we begin to beat ourselves up for how we are. This leads to negative self-talk and low self-esteem. There was probably a time when you were scared to do what you are doing right now. You should celebrate yourself for that.

Perfection is not only unattainable; it leaves no room for improvement. Nevermind how anyone else thinks you "ought" to be. Remember that you are already whole and worthy of all good things. With every experience, you simply grow and become more aware of it. Read More

***********

Keep these affirmations in mind this week and always:

I love myself.

I honor my needs and truths.

I trust my decisions.

Vulnerability and honesty are empowering.

It's okay if everyone doesn't "get it".

I don't have anything to prove to anyone.

Honoring myself first will give me the capacity and energy to honor and support others.

Have a great week!

Love,
GG

Captured: Happy Birthday To Me!

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 18:45:00 +0000

"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."

-Thanks for the quote, Channing :)

Here are some photos from my birthday last weekend. And of course it wouldn't be me if I didn't throw in a couple quotes for reflection to go with them!

Brunch with the girls

Me and Kimmie - AKA the ladies behind PLPT

Family brunch minus one camera shy family member :)

Happy Birthday Mama!

"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my friends and family."

~Thomas Jefferson

Simple Freedom: Embrace Your Right to Choose

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:27:00 +0000

20 years ago, I was a teenager full of angst and confusion. My mom's mental state was rapidly deteriorating at that point. I was in my first year of high school, and it felt like she completely checked out when I needed her most.

15 years ago, I was in college and had just realized that boys lie and boys cheat and that my first love - the one I'd been with for 3 years and thought I'd marry one day - well, he wasn't who I thought he was. I stayed in denial about it for 3 more years after that.

10 years ago, I'd just given birth to my first child. I had one foot in adulthood and one foot in adolescence. I was in my early twenties, but still in my daddy's pocket, still clinging to self-destructive ideas and trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my life.

5 years ago, I made the best decision of my life and I went to therapy. That's when the healing and the forgiveness began.

And here I am, celebrating another birthday. I'm breathing deep and appreciating the moment. Everything is not what I thought it would be, but I know that my journey is perfectly perfect for me.

Now I know that I always have the right to choose - what to focus on, what to believe in, and how to spend my time and energy. The simplest freedom I can think of is the right to choose.

This week remember that you are not defined by your circumstances or your past decisions.
At any time you can choose differently.

Have a great week! xoxo

Weekend Whimsy - Yumminess Edition

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 13:00:00 +0000

"It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men."

~Mae West

I'm a fan of the skin tan, hair long look on Drizzy

Do you watch Luther? If you don't, you must stop depriving yourself

O_O

Somehow I'm convinced that look is just for me

Oooohh I'm thinking of you...and all the things that you wanted me to be...

Your turn. Who's your favorite eye candy????

Love and Locks - I'm a Scorpio

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 18:50:00 +0000

Amen!

Happy Friday, y'all!

Not only is it Friday, but it's also the Friday before my birthday! I'm keeping it low key with some drinks and boo time tonight. Brunch with the girls in the morning and some shopping in the afternoon. Then Sunday will be family time, and I have the day off from work on Monday. Nothing too crazy, but perfect for a thirty-something mama who's been longing for some grown and sexy leisure time. The only thing missing is a night of dancing until I'm sore the next day. I'll save that for later this month. You know the celebration must continue for at least a month after the big day, right?

Are any of you Scorpios???? How are you celebrating this month?!

I'm not really into astrology, but I find it interesting to see what my personality is supposed to be like since I'm a Scorpio. I feel like some of the traits are spot on, and others are way off. See below:

This is me:

*Any kind selfless gesture done to a Scorpio will gain trust and respect which is extremely important to them in any relationship, either romantic or not.

*Scorpios are very deep, intense people, there is always more then meets the eye.

*They always want to know why, where and any other possible detail they can possibly know.

This is so not me:

*Scorpios have an excellent memory and combined with an inability to let things go, they can hold a grudge against someone who did them harm forever, in fact a Scorpio rarely if never forgives and forgets.

*Scorpios are extremely ambitious, persistent and determined which is shown through a power hungry, controlling attitude.

*Scorpios tend to dominate and control anyone that lets them, or anyone that they find weak.

Do you check your horoscope everyday? Do you find that it is usually on point? Do you embody the traits of your zodiac sign?

One of my favorite bloggers and e-buddies gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a few weeks ago. Since she's on somewhat of a "maternity leave" from blogging, she's had a series of guest posts on her blog this past month. I was honored that she asked me to contribute. You can check out the post here, and I would highly recommend that you stay awhile and peruse her blog.

I love when bloggers do a post like "The A to Z of Candice" and "7 Reasons Why I Might Be Going to Hell". Those are my favorites! I love getting those quirky, random insights into the human being behind the blog, you know? I'm planning to do one of those soon, but it has to be unique of course so I'm still thinking about how to do it my own way. I also like the idea of introducing myself to new readers or visitors to the blog. Perhaps I'll create a "If you're new, start here" page. For now, I've updated my About GG page. I guess your blog is like your home in that every now and then you want to make updates to it and ensure that it's evolving with you.

Here are some of my favorite posts from around the web over the last couple of weeks (OK maybe over the past month):

Beauty
Anti-Aging Tip-Facial Massage with Jojoba Oil

Fashion/Style
Hair and Style Inspiration for the Fall

Motherhood
Just Remember to Breathe

Writing
Could You Earn More By Writing About What You Love?

Blogging
How Blogging Became My Boyfriend

Self-Development
Cocoon Syndrome and What to Do When People Don't Want You to Change

Inspiration
Lifeclass: Two Black Women Teaching the World

Love
On Great Love

Hair
Rules of Engagement for Mineral Oil

Are you on Twitter? While it can be a huge distraction if you let it, it's an awesome way to find your people and get your message out. If you're on twitter follow me @TheWriteCurl. While you're at it, follow me and Kim's blog @PeaceLovePretty too!

Have an awesome weekend, loves! I'll be sure to share birthday pics next week. ;-)

In a Word: Reciprocity

noreply@blogger.com (GG) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 13:00:00 +0000

I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to claim me. I'm talking about putting my feelings first and saving all of his tenderness for me.

I felt entitled. He felt trapped.

I wanted to bring out the best in him. He once told me that I had this light and that I had taken that light and lit up places inside of him that he'd forgotten about. I clung to that. I needed to be a light to someone. To define myself through someone.

I thought we could save each other. He just needed someone to understand him, and I just needed someone to validate me. To make me feel whole and worthy. All I could see was my happy ending.

I ignored the flags. I was outsmarted by the circular logic and avoidance tactics. I allowed his confusion to suck me in. I lost me in search of him. I thought my loyalty would be rewarded somehow. And yet the more I obliged, the more I allowed - the less he seemed to value me.

And that's all I ever really wanted. To be valued privately and publicly and without restraint. I could accept the quirks and kinks and different point of view. I couldn't accept the emotional walls, the "access denied" signs at every turn, the constant reminders that this wasn't that.

And now, much to my dismay, I find myself still wanting that which was denied me. Although I don't have the faintest idea what I'd do with it if I got it.

Oh yes, I do know. I probably wouldn't want it anymore.

This post is from the In A Word series. You can read more of them here.