The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - When Good Things Happen to Stupid People

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 19:07:00 -0500

A Chinese man, disheartened by an ongoing divorce proceeding with his fiancee, failed to commit suicide - even though he tried. According to Chinese media reports, the 30-year-old man named Yang Jun (pronounced Yang Jun) lost heart when his wife announced she wanted a divorce. Yang wept. Yang thrashed. Yang fell into despair.

Yang's plan? To terminate his life. (Music swells.)

After taking 50 sleeping pills illegally prescribed by a local "pharmacist," Yang crawled onto a 45-meter-high bridge in Guangzhou in plain view of many passers-by - at least one of whom contacted authorities to complain a man was blocking the walkway on the bridge. That man, of course, was Yang. Asleep.

When a group of rescuers arrived at the scene, Yang was “fast asleep with his nose kept snoring.” Rescuers tried to wake him up by playing Slim Whitman songs loudly, only to find they could not awaken Yang. After 45 minutes of "Song of the Old Waterwheel", Yang was rescued. Yay!

From the hospital, Yang stated, “I do not regret having made up my mind to fall off from the bridge. Frankly speaking, I hesitated whether I should sacrifice myself or take sleeping pills. But I chose both ways anyway.”

Yang continued. “Shortly after I climbed up to the bridge, I was worn out and later found myself hospitalized,” he added.

Remarkably, Yang's ex-wife reunited with Yang, offering a happy, if not bizarre end to the high-profile suicide drama. “I am receiving treatment for melancholy and try not to think of what I did,” Yang said. "I am in deep denial."

And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
Confucius

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Windhorst v. Senette

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 18:46:00 -0500

A New Orleans woman was jailed for 10 days after she went to court in low-riding shorts, revealing her underwear - little pink, frilly things, according to an eyewitness.

Kimberly Senette, 23, had gone to court to urge her brother Lawrence Senette, 18, to accept a plea deal. While Lawrence's attire fell within socially acceptable standards for dress according to the New Orleans Socially Acceptable Standards for Dress Within A Courtroom Overseen by A Judges Whose Last Name Begins With W (PL85a), Judge Steve Windhorst took a dim view of her revealing outfit and locked her up for contempt of court.

Judge Windhorst was overheard stating, "Wait'll I get my Haines on you!"

Miss Senette was wearing knee-length shorts which revealed her pants and the top of her buttocks (i.e. second cleavage), according to an eye witness.

When Judge Windhorst questioned her appearance, Miss Senette stated she had to remove her belt when going through a security checkpoint at the courtroom entrance. Judge Windhorst was not moved by her argument. Miss Senette was handcuffed and seated in a row behind her brother as he eventually accepted a 12-year prison sentence in exchange for his guilty plea to carjacking and giving a wedgie to a friend for which he had been wanted for two years.

“It certainly is not unheard of for a judge to hold a person in contempt for disruptive or disorderly dress in court,” stated the obligatory expert Dane Ciolino, a Loyola University law professor who was breezing through town some time during this incident.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - William Shatner Believes In Aliens

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:32:00 -0500

Former "Star Trek" actor William Shatner told the Montreal Gazette there is no doubt in his mind that aliens do exist. Reporters from the Montreal Gazette stated there is no doubt in his mind that aliens do exist.

"There is no doubt that aliens do exist; there is LIFE!...out there! The mathematics of it lead you to that absolute conclusion," the actor revealed to the Montreal Gazette, while Leonard Nimoy stood in the background shaking his head. "In my mind, there is no doubt that the universe teems -- teems! -- with life...in...all...its...forms!”

William Shatner's revelation comes after his hosting duties on the new television series, "William Shatner Is Weird or What?" In the Discovery Channel show, 79 year old Shatner explores the paranormal, medical flukes, and bizarre natural disasters, after which the audience votes up or down whether or not they believe he is "weird" or "what?"

William Shatner played Captain Kirk for years on "Star Trek," and, although he worked as a television actor, is just now is beginning to believe in the existence of alien life.

The more television channels such as Sci-Fi and Discovery explore the paranormal, the more believers will begin to be made. And the more Shatne keeps his new job!

Um...according to Jean Luc Picard.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Nine Strangest Laws in the World

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 08:09:00 -0500

The purpose of Law is to limit and contain harm-to-others.

This is done by:

1. Providing specified formats for contracts, treaties, deals and agreements, then providing registries of these to resolve arguments about opposed memories or interpretations of them later on with these recorded facts from which unbiased third-party arbitration can pronounce final sentence on disputes before they degenerate into violent conflicts.

2. Establishing what constitutes 'harm-to-others' and whether it has occurred; logically and implicitly from the fact that that all conflict starts with, at least, a perception that another or others are violating a plaintiff's life, liberty or property or, at most, clearly doing or having done so.

With this in mind, I took the liberty to find weird and strange laws. My search took me across the globe via The Google. For your edification and enjoyment, here are a list of weird and strange laws which are practiced around the World.

==============================================================

1. Headlights – Drivers in Denmark are supposed to keep their headlights on while driving not only in the night but also in the day. According to authorities, this has helped in preventing accidents. According to drivers, this has also helping in spotting authorities.

o Chewing Gum – Drivers in Denmark are supposed to keep their headlights on while driving not only in the night but also in the day. According to authorities, this has helped in preventing accidents.

1.Say No To Chewing Gum – Drivers in Denmark are supposed to keep their headlights on while driving not only in the night but also in the day. According to authorities, this has helped in preventing accidents.1.Say No To Chewing Gum – Drivers in Denmark are supposed to keep their headlights on while driving not only in the night but also in the day. According to authorities, this has helped in preventing accidents.
2. Twins In China – This strange law was introduced in China by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping in 1979, to check population growth. 35.9% of the Chinese population is still subject to this law. What happens if a mother should bear twins? A Chinese government official said under anonymity that women are taught this law at an early age. Hence, no woman was bore twins since 1978.

3. Jeans For Girls – A strange law issued in France in the year 1800, prohibited girls from wearing pants. The law was later revised in 1900. Today, French girls are allowed to wear pants only when they are riding a bicycle or watching a Jerry Lewis film.

4. Change – Canada introduced a strange law in 1985, which said customers cannot pay coins for the whole price of a good. At present the law has reduced it's severity. Shopkeepers may or may not accept coins but they cannot be forced. Canadians have the largest coin collections in the world.

5. Pink Shorts – In Australia, girls can go around in shorts but not if it is pink in color. Girls are fined if they do. Except for short shorts. Australia lawmakers overlooked this article of clothing.

6. Kissing – Kissing is not allowed in England and France especially on stations to prevent train delays. No fine is yet levied but the kissers face strong opposition from the police.

7. Jumping In London – In New York persons suspected of suicide by jumping from a building face the punishment of death.

8. Kissing On Condition – In Lowa, women can kiss their man in public only if he is clean shaved. Kissing a man with a mustache is illegal.

9. Moaners and Starving - In Massachusetts, moaners meals are restricted to three sandwiches. Eating more would be considered a criminal offense.

It seems it's important to carry a guide of general and strange laws to be able to make a successful trip here and abroad. If I had, I would not have chewed gum in Denmark, now facing lifetime imprisonment.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Banana Man Cometh

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 19:10:00 -0500

A 21-year-old man is in trouble after a bizarre string of events ended with him in handcuffs, wearing a banana costume and carrying a shotgun.On Tuesday, Port Angeles Police responded to reports of a man exposing himself to a woman in a local Wendy's restaurant. The witness told 911 dispatchers the suspect was wearing a children's banana costume and sucking on a Frosty. Police seemed leary that a man could expose himself while wearing a banana costume given the logistics of such an act and that the banana costume did not appear to have a zipper.

However, a short time later, more calls came into 911 reporting a man in a banana costume, only this time he was driving through a park pointing a shotgun out the window of his car. Eye witnesses disagree whether or not it was a shotgun or another act of exposing himself.-year-old man is in trouble after a bizarre string of events ended with him in handcuffs, wearing a banana costume and carrying a shotgun.

On Tuesday, Port Angeles Police responded to reports of a man exposing himself to a woman in a local Wendy's restaurant. The witness told 911 dispatchers the suspect was wearing a children's banana costume and sucking on a Frosty. Police seemed leary that a man could expose himself while wearing a banana costume given the logistics of such an act and that the banana costume did not appear to have a zipper.

Police pursued and finally caught up with the man's light gray Dodge Stratus near SR 101 and Old Olympic Highway. He was easily identified as he was still wearing a banana costume. Two female passengers were in the car also, self-identified as groupies of the Banana Man.

The man followed officer's commands and exited his vehicle carrying the shotgun. When ordered the man put the gun down and got on the ground, rolling back and forth. The two female passengers in the car were arrested for Reckless Endangerment - not sure why since they were not driving and were not wearing a banana costume.

The Banana Man was arrested for Indecent Exposure, Reckless Endangerment and Unlawful Carrying or Handling of a Firearm. Charges are still pending regarding impersonating a banana.

The shotgun and banana costume have been checked into evidence and kept for forensic evaluation to determine their authenticity.

The Yeetlemaster

Yeetle Box - Chowing In Los Angeles

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 15:57:00 -0500

June 6 - Joey ''Jaws'' Chestnut becomes a champion of

the big eaters with his victory in the

Pizza Hut''Chowlenge''

in Los Angelos.

JOEY! JOEY! JOEY!

In a related story,

Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day.

JOEY!
At least 80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day.

JOEY!

More than 80 percent of the world’s population lives in countries where income differentials are widening.

JOEY! JOEY!
The poorest 40 percent of the world’s population accounts for 5 percent of global income. The richest 20 percent accounts for three-quarters of world income.

JOEY! JOEY! JOEY!

According to UNICEF, 24,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.”
50 YEARS OF THE PIZZA AMERICA LOVES!

The Yeetle Master
^Source

Yeetle Box - Of Cows and Dogs I Sing

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 19:38:00 -0500

Four people have died after being trampled by cows in the past two months in England, prompting Britain's main farming union to issue a warning about the dangers of provoking the normally docile animals.

Britain has 7.5 million cows, but in the past eight years there have only been 18 deaths involving cattle, including bulls whose dangers are well-known - by people and cows alike.

The current spate (yes, spate!) of attacks by cows began on the Pennine Hills on June 21, when Liz Crowsley, a veterinary surgeon from Warrington, was crushed against a wall and then trampled underfoot while out walking with her two dogs. It is said the cows are attacking the dogs. It is said...

On July 15, another attack took place in Derbyshire, when Barry Pilgrim, a 65-year old from the area, was trampled to death by a cow as his wife looked on, smiling.
Three days later, Anita Hinchey, a 63-year-old, was walking her dog near Cardiff when a cow attacked her and trampled her to death. The dog was fine.

The fourth fatal attack claimed the life of Harold Lee, a 75-year-old farmer from Burtle in the West Country. He was killed by his own herd, which may have been made nervous by the siren of a passing ambulance. His own herd! A herd he milked and talked to, fed, housed.

Apparently, the risk is especially high in the spring when many of the calves are only a month or two old and the mothers are therefore especially protective, the NFU said.
"It's to do with spring and autumn calving," said Sheasby of the NFU. "Yep. Calving."

"In the autumn, cattle will be coming into winter housing, but in spring you want them out grazing the grass."

Cow-charging incidents received extended coverage when former Home Secretary David Blunkett was attacked by one in June as his guide dog led him across a field in England's Peak District.

Blunkett broke a rib and was heavily bruised but survived. And so was the dog.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - When You Just Can't Be Bothered

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:29:00 -0500

Sometimes I just can't get to this blog. Sometimes I'm away, or eating a sandwich, or asleep. Sometimes I just don't want to be both. But I still aim for 24/7 customer service.

So I have created my own private virtual personality: YBOT.

To talk to YBOT, click on the image below. That is YBOT himself.

Once you get there, YBOT will talk to you.

He speaks for me.

You will still be alone talking to yourself, but it's been them scratching and mumbling.

Have a great conversation with me in my absence.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Make War, Not Healthcare

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 05:41:00 -0500

During a heated town hall meeting on federal health care reform, gay Rep. Barney Frank lashed out at a protester who held a poster depicting President Barack Obama with a Hitler-style mustache.

"On what planet do you spend most of your time?" Frank asked the woman, who had stepped up to the podium at a southeastern Massachusetts senior center to ask why Frank supports what she called a Nazi policy. "Earth," she replied tersely. "I'm an immigrant from Uranus and a citizen."

"Ma'am, trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table - at best a futon. I have no interest in doing it," Frank said. He paused. "Furniture might have MORE to say."

Frank noted that her ability to deface an image of the president and express her views "is a tribute to the First Amendment that this kind of vile, contemptible nonsense is so freely propagated." No one applauded the First Amendment, but took the time to review their talking points.

Frank, who chairs the House Financial Services Committee, sought to assure more than 500 people attending the rowdy meeting that the average taxpayer wouldn't be hurt by plans currently under consideration in Congress. Honest.

Said Representative Gay Frank, "We don't even understand it. We only read half of it. And it's not half bad."

Some of those attending the meeting organized by the Democratic Town Committee of Dartmouth shouted and booed as Frank and others addressed the crowd. They were told the town hall meeting was a meet and greet with Alan Jackson.

At one point, Frank asked the crowd: "Which one of you wants to yell next?" An old timer with a grizzly beard and no teeth stood up. "I'd like to yell sumpin'," he cackled.

Several people wanted to know how the government would pay for the reforms without worsening a growing federal budget deficit and a potential ban on guns rumored to be Obama's Republican stance on weapons ownership.
At least two dozen protesters gathered in small groups outside, handing out pamphlets and holding signs criticizing the overhaul, Obama and Frank. Some of the posters read: "It's the economy stupid, stop the spending" and "Healthcare reform yes, government takeover, no. Tort Reform Now" "We need our money for Iraq." "Save AIG." "Make Love, Not Healthcare."

Audrey Steele, 82, from New Bedford, said she does not want the government to get involved with health care because "they just make a mess of everything," referring to the $700 billion bailout of financial institutions that was used to pay for lavish conferences and hefty executive compensation. "The elixir I gets from the soda shop suits me just fine."

As an aside, others at Tuesday's meeting were more supportive of reform.

Sheila Leavitt of Newton, once a practicing physician, said she hoped for changes that would support primary care physicians who aren't paid as much as specialists. She said some of the rowdy critics at Tuesday's meeting appeared to be using the same "talking points" as those who showed up at similar meetings around the country. Then, Ninja-like, she seemed to vanish into the nearby alley and was never seen again.

The Yeetle Box

Yeetle Box - Hard Time

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 23:43:00 -0500

An Illinois judge has freed a man who had been in jail for three weeks after letting loose a loud yawn during a sentencing hearing.

Thirty-three-year-old Clifton Williams of Richton Park was found in contempt of court and jailed on July 23 after yawning in Will County Judge Daniel Rozak's court. He could have been jailed for six months, but was given merely three weeks - the minimum for yawning in court.

Williams was in court for his cousin's sentencing on a drug charge. A prosecutor in court at the time described the offending yawn as "loud and boisterous, like a train coming through a tunnel. A big train coming through a big tunnel. Disgusting!"

As Williams stood before the bench in shackles on Thursday, the judge gave him a short lecture. He told Williams he wasn't in custody for simply yawning but for making a sound "that was offensive to the court, to the entire judicial process, and to all that is great and good about the United States of America."

The judge continued, "You have yawned in the face of freedom, young man. That will not be tolerated in this courtroom."

Said Williams later, outside the courthouse steps, "The whole thiing was really boring. I'm tired now."

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Gerbil in a Microwave

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sat, 8 Aug 2009 22:00:00 -0500

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Running With The Wives

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Wed, 5 Aug 2009 18:11:00 -0500

Wife carrying is a sport in which male competitors race while each carrying a female teammate. The objective is for the male to carry the female through a special obstacle track in the fastest time. The sport was first introduced at Sonkajärvi, Finland - a name which cannot be pronounced.

Several types of carry may be practised: piggyback, fireman's carry (over the shoulder), or, my favorite, Estonian-style (the wife hangs upside-down with her legs around the husband's shoulders, holding onto his waist).

Major wife-carrying competitions are held in Sonkajärvi, Finland (where the prize depends on the wife's weight in beer) Monona, Wisconsin, and Marquette, Michigan.

The goal: carry your wife as quickly as possible to the finish line.
The Prize: your wife's weight in beer. The heavier the wife, the more beer!

There are no current plans

to expand the sport

to include husband carrying.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - It's All News To Me

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Tue, 4 Aug 2009 18:41:00 -0500

Good evening Mr and Mrs America, from border to border
and coast to coast and all the ships at sea.
Let's go to press.
- Walter Winchell

Game show aims to convert atheists

Apparently believing that religious competition in the Middle East is not exciting enough already, the television station Kanal T in Istanbul, Turkey, is preparing a reality game show for September release in which 10 certified atheists try to resist conversion by a priest, a rabbi, a Muslim imam and a Buddhist monk. The exact rules have not been disclosed, but the "winning" convert will receive an expense-paid trip to the holy land of the most persuasive religion (the Vatican, Jerusalem, Mecca or Tibet).

People With Issues

(1) Todd Hall, 36, was sentenced to a year in prison after his conviction in Bentonville, Ark., in June for habitually biting the toes of his son, which Hall said he did up to age 6 as routine discipline. (He had earlier been on probation for the disciplinary biting of his 10-month-old daughter.)

(2) In June in Muncie, Ind., in his second such conviction in seven months, Robert Stahl, 64, was found guilty of resolving disputes with men in their 50s by reaching into their mouths and yanking out their dentures.

Bright Ideas

By early July, Jonathan Baltesz and his wife and kids were desperate to find their 10-year-old black Labrador mix, Simon, who had run away. They had one more plan, however. The family members urinated into containers and sprinkled the contents at various locales around their town (Bristol, England), laid out so that Simon could follow a trail home. (Results were unavailable at press time.)

Least Competent Criminals

(1) A Polynesian man in his 20s was being sought as the robber of the Black Diamond Equipment store in Salt Lake City in June. He made off with some gear from the ski and climbing accessory store, but had originally demanded jewelry, as he apparently thought he was knocking off a "diamond" store.

(2) Motorist Zackary Johnson was arrested in Athens, Ga., in June after pulling over a passing police car to inquire whether he had any warrants outstanding against him. No, answered the officer after a computer check, but he noted that Johnson's driver's license is under suspension, and he was arrested.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Fine Turkish Blend

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sat, 1 Aug 2009 20:42:00 -0500

A restaurant owner in southwest Turkey was shot dead after he tried to prevent his customers from smoking to comply with a new law on the use of tobacco indoors.

A fight broke out after Hidir Karayigit, 46, ordered a group of customers to extinguish their cigarettes when they began smoking at his "meyhane," a traditional restaurant that serves alcohol, in the town of Saruhanli.

One of the customers shot Karayigit four times after he took away the group's cigarettes, said witness Hamza Havutcu, Karayigit's business partner who was also shot and wounded.

Turkey's government on July 19 introduced a nationwide ban on indoor smoking, including bars and restaurants, despite the fact that half of Turks aged between the ages of 15 and 49 smoke; one of the highest rates in the world.

"I'm deeply saddened that the first smoking-ban murder occurred in our town," Saruhanli Mayor Veli Yalcin told Hurriyet. "They either shouldn't have outlawed smoking or they should have outlawed alcohol along with smoking. There would be many more shootings."

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - The Beehive State

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 20:58:00 -0500

With no warning a Utah woman lost her homeowners insurance.

Patricia Hanson has been with the insurance company for over a decade but in May it canceled her policy because of chipped paint and weeds.

If someone were to drive by and take a picture of Hanson’s home they may think it was in bad shape - but only if you took a picture. Otherwise, it would look like any other shabby white house - like, well, the White House. However, Hanson points out that what you’re seeing is renovation in progress. Many other Utah homeowners are doing the same thing, and she doesn’t understand why her insurance company has ditched her. And she's not even a Mormon.

Hanson has been planning the upgrades to her home for some time now, but before she had the chance to get them done her insurance company pulled the plug, cancelling her homeowner’s policy without any notice.

“I didn't have a call from anybody, no contact, I don't even know who drove by, just came out of the blue,” says Hanson. "There was that one guy taking pictures, but I thought he was a landscaper."

Hanson says she got a letter in may after making a payment to renew her policy. She was stunned that it was explaining the reasons for cancellation - that it could talk! The one paragraph letter sstated, "Peeling paint on all portions of the dwelling. Overgrown vegetation…peeling paint on garage siding, window sills missing paint."

Boldly springing into action, Hanson got on the phone and explained work was being done to fix it. So, how do we know? She explains.

“If you look around you will see that most of the paint is on the ground here because we've been power washing,” says Hanson. "The rest is on the house because that's the style I'm goin' for. I'm getting rid of this, all the grass, going to a zero-scape so this is all covered to kill any of the grass that was left. And this is going, too,” she said pointing to the chimney sweep.

Hanson’s insurance agent is out of town while his home is being renovated, but did say on the phone they do give advanced warning when cancelling a policy. He said he will re-instate Hanson when the fixes are made and find her other coverage in the meantime. Perhaps COBRA.

Brad Tibbitts with the Utah Insurance Department says he’s heard of cases like this but they’re uncommon.

“The insurance companies have the right to find out whether or not the house is in good enough shape to be eligible for the premium rates,” says Tibbitts. "I had my insurance cancelled just for the lawn jockeys I had after ninja insurance agents discovered them and the whole in my basement."

He says they have to give a client 30 days notice before cancellation. However, homeowners are not required to notify their insurance companies before remodeling or upgrade work but it's not a bad idea.

Would be just as good an idea to tell the insurance comes to leave their clients alone - if they want clients.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Bubbles Recalls MJ's Last Days

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 16:49:00 -0500

On the day Michael Jackson died, his monkey, Bubbles, was behaving erratically, throwing feces at the wall - perhaps a hint of something amiss.

Bubbles, a Common Chimpanzee was rescued by Jackson from a cancer research clinic in Texas in 1985. The pair enjoyed a close relationship. Bubbles sat in for the recording sessions of the Bad album and escorted Jackson for the filming of the "Bad" music video.

During the Bad World Tour, he and the singer shared a two-bedroom hotel suite in Tokyo.Bubbles initially resided at the Jackson family's Encino home, but moved to Neverland Ranch in 1988, where he slept in a crib at the corner of Jackson's bedroom. Bubbles was allowed to use Jackson's private toilet, although the chimp sometimes wore a diaper.

Bubbles made a finger gesture towards Michael Jackson's doctor, Murray, coming and going from the mansion. The doctor usually arrived about 9 or 9:30 p.m. and would go upstairs to Jackson’s room, and Bubbles said he would not see him again before he left — sometimes late in the evening — but understood he was staying the night.

In the morning, Bubbles screached like a banshee as the the doctor came down the steps carrying oxygen tanks.

At about 1:30 p.m. Bubbles saw security guards who told the people on two legs and other staff to leave the property because "Mr. Jackson was being taken to the hospital."

When he came outside, she said, ambulances were in the courtyard and a crowd had gathered.

As for Bubble's future, Jackson encouraged him to learn more sign language and to better potty train himself.

Using gestures, Bubbles appeared to say, "He was an inspiration to me - in an evolutionary kinda way."

’We were all praying, ‘Help Mr. Jackson be OK.’

"Then everyone was very quiet, and I started throwing feces.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - The New American Value

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 18:09:00 -0500

Sarah Palin stepped down as Alaska governor on Sunday with a fiery speech reminiscent of her days as running mate to Republican John McCain — who lost the election by a sizeable margin. She frequently revved up crowds while attacking Democrats and the news media - two highly siginificant issues in today's economy.

On Sunday, Palin took on old foes in the media, Hollywood and the Lower 48 states. Old foes as in Brad Pitt, the New York Times and the rest of the country. She scolded reporters for making things up, mocked Hollywood stars who have opposed wolf-control programs (uh...yeah....wolf-control programs), and complained that "outside special interests still don't get it. Wolf-control programs don't work!"

Palin, 45, said she was resigning with more than a year left in her first term to take her political battles to a larger if unspecified stage and avoid an unproductive, lame duck status. Daffy Duck seemed to suit her more.

"With this decision, now, I will be able to fight even harder for you, for what is right, and for truth, and to race my ideological snow machine even faster across the tundra of America," the former Republican vice presidential candidate said.

Typical to form, Palin called her 2 1/2-year tenure as governor a success, citing efforts to take on the state's long-dominant oil industry and progress on development of a natural gas pipeline - two competing if not dissonant stances. She also cited ethics reform without even talking about her local scandals or her husband's scandals, or her daughter's scandals.

Palin leaves office with her political future clouded by ethics probes, mounting legal bills and dwindling popularity. She has been targeted by nearly 20 ethics complaints filed by Alaska residents, averaging one complaint for every 1,000 people in Alaska, for, you see, Alaska is tiny and irrelevant.

She did not refer directly to the ethics complaints in her 19-minute speech, but has repeatedly cited the financial and psychological toll of those investigations as a key reason she is stepping down. "I'm gonna tell it where's a body down," she said.

Palin said her departure would spare Alaska an unproductive, "politics as usual" lame-duck session, adding that she would always work for Alaska - except now because she'd be a lame duck.

"When I took the oath to serve you, I promised, remember what I promised? To steadfastly and doggedly guard the interests of this great state like that grizzly guards her cubs, as a mother naturally guards her own. And I will keep that vow wherever the road may lead," she said. "I might not be here, and I might not be Governor, and I might not even remember you, but you will always be in my heart like...like...Who needs metaphors?"

Free speech was a theme of her farewell speech at the crowded picnic in Fairbanks, as the outgoing governor scolded "some seemingly hell-bent on tearing down our nation" and warned Americans to "be wary of accepting government largesse."

"It doesn't come free," she said.

Palin also took aim at the media, saying her replacement, Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell, "has a very nice family too, so, hey! newsmen, leave those kids alone!"

And she told the media: "How about, in honor of the American soldier, you quit makin' things up?" (Let's pause and ask what she is talking about. OK, that's long enough.)

Larry Landry, 51, of Fairbanks held up a red, white and blue sign that that read, "Quitting: the new American value." The other side read: "Thanks for the laughs."

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Furry Fury

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 12:29:00 -0500

A man plotted to kill his adoptive parents with the help of a friend he met on the internet at a site called www.killmyparentsextremesexacts.com, a site for “furries” – people who pretend to be animal characters and share sexual role-playing fantasies.

Apparently, Christopher Monks, 24, wanted Shaun Skarnes to murder his parents Christopher and Elizabeth Monks while they slept and then perform an extreme sex act on him.

The two played computer games before Skarnes left, telling Mr. and Mrs. Monks he was getting the train home to Ellesmere Port, Cheshire, and thanking them for having him around.

Monks then watched a DVD with his parents while Skarnes waited for hours in a playpark nearby until he received a text from his friend, telling him the couple were asleep in the four-bedroom house they shared with their son. The text message read, “Furry Fury Go Go Go,” meaning the plan was a go.

Mr. Monks woke in the early hours of the morning to find Skarnes beside his bed dressed as a wolf, clutching a kitchen knife and a Chop-a-Matic.

Mr. Monks, dressed as a grizzly bear, grappled with the intruder and yelled for help from his wife, who was sleeping downstairs dressed as a viper.

Mr. Monks told the court: "I had this weird feeling he was trying to kill me. My wife tried to hit him with a stick but it broke. After the stick broke, she talked to him in a calming way, like a cobra might do. His manner changed completely."

Mr. Monks was left with bruised arms, a cut palm and bite marks.

The younger Monks, who was downstairs during the attack with his zipper stuck on his rabbit outfit, was initially treated as a witness but then later arrested.

Mr. Watson said Monks had talked about his sexual desire for his penis to be bitten off in online chatroom discussions.

He told the jury: "It may seem extreme that he wanted his penis bitten off, but there is ample evidence from websites he visited and conversations with Shaun Skarnes that this was a deeply held interest and one he found sexually stimulating. While many men fantasize about castration, apparently his fantasy got the best of him. Er…”

"It seems that Skarnes was to receive no money for killing Mr. and Mrs. Monks but the prospect of biting off Monks' penis. This was the climactic act of the conspiracy – a conspiracy that rivals even Dick Cheney’s wildest dreams who has shown extreme interest in the case."

Elizabeth Monks told the court that her adopted son was a quiet boy who never lost his temper and did well at his temping job at an educational training centre, where she also works. “He’s never talked to us about having his penis bitten off,” she said.

Her husband added: "We have no doubt that (Christopher) did not intend to go to this extreme. He knows that we would have done anything for him. Well, almost anything."

Skarnes, of Sutton Way, Ellesmere Port, and Monks, dressed as Bambi, both deny conspiracy to murder Mr. and Mrs. Monks.

The YeetleMaster

6 Non-Scary Sex Toys to Try Tonight Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sun, 5 Jul 2009 16:06:00 -0500

6 Non-Scary Sex Toys to Try Tonight Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

Shared via AddThis

Yeetle Box - Happy 4th of July

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Sat, 4 Jul 2009 19:13:00 -0500

One of the most enduring myths about Independence Day is that Congress signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.The myth had become so firmly established that, decades after the event and nearing the end of their lives, even the elderly Thomas Jefferson and John Adams had come to believe that they and the other delegates had signed the Declaration on the fourth. Most delegates actually signed the Declaration on August 2, 1776.

In a remarkable series of coincidences, both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, two founding fathers of the United States and the only two men who signed the Declaration of Independence to become president, died on the same day: July 4, 1826, which was the United States' 50th anniversary.
President James Monroe died exactly five years later, on July 4, 1831, but he was not a signatory to the Declaration of Independence.

I'm sorry, but the Fourth of July has past.
Whatever you're doing, stop doing it.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - What Were YOU Thinking

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 18:32:00 -0500

Across the United States of America,

where marketing departments work,

there is a thought that runs through our heads:

What the hell were you thinking?

all across the United States of America...

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - In The Name Of Love

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 10:55:00 -0500

An Egyptian man, in protest at his parents' choice of bride, cut off his own penis, a police official laughed.

The 25-year-old labourer from the village of Sheikh Eissa in southern Egypt was taken to hospital in stable condition, the official said, adding that the man had also mutilated his testicles. "He did a pretty good job," he added, chuckling. "Whack, whack, whack..."

The official sat down, sipping a beer.

"He was in love with a woman for two years, but his parents rejected her. They told him to marry another woman he didn't want. He took a knife and cut off his penis in his room."

The official guzzled the rest of the beer.

"I guess he really did not want her."

Doctors were unable to reattach the severed member, the official added.

"He'll never walk like an Egyptian again," he laughed, throwing the bottle into the street.

The penis has not been located to date.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Poetry In My Span Box

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:40:00 -0500

Read your spam. You might be surprised.

Spammers have searched tirelessly to find wasy to escape spam filters. In doing so, spammers have created a genre of poetry. To be sure, you are still directed to links for enrolling in online college programs, swatches, and bestiality.

But the beautful poetry that accompanies spam is well worth turning off your spam filter, sitting back, and reading some of the greatest poets today. Here are a three of the better spam poetica I have found within just the last 24 hours.

++++++++++
Virgin Black Lamenting Kissgotoreal

a man who...

And what's Steve talking about
in his paranoid of a potential?

She's called that b/c
She only likes taking her clothes
1/2 off

The How
good is it to live in California
[via] Datamancer
created an
On the way back
from a day long meeting
in Charleston

-shapiro mauricio
++++++++++
Rachel Hunter Showing on Beach

Ishmael Leaped To His Feet,
And His Followers Struggled
To Arm Them-selves
With Crude Implements.

-Alemtsehay Giuffre

++++++++++

Wow

Fat pussyGarden

Harvest Lemon topless
Young teen girls

and this
Burned my damn finger

the phones
Made it back from lunch

just in time

-bartel bren

++++++++++

Impressed? I was!

Do not ignore these literary gems.
Read your spam!

For more, visit Spam Poetica

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Hugo Chavez Versus Coke Zero

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:34:00 -0500

The Venezuelan government of U.S.-critic President Hugo Chavez ordered Coca-Cola Co to withdraw its Coke Zero beverage from the South American nation, citing unspecified dangers to health. These unspecified dangers to health have been known to the U.S. for many years. For one, it's chocked full of caffeine, and you can't run an orderly revolution when your people are jacked up on Coke. For another, it makes people sing corny songs. (See below.)

The decision follows a wave of nationalizations and increased scrutiny of businesses in South America's top oil exporter. Health Minister Jesus Mantilla said the zero-calorie Coke Zero should no longer be sold and stocks of the drink removed from store shelves. And the cans crushed under the feet of revolutionaries.

"The product should be withdrawn from circulation to preserve the health of Venezuelans," the minister said in comments reported by the government's news agency. "We suspect Coke is causing our people to behave like capitalists."

Despite Chavez's anti-capitalist policies and rhetoric against consumerism, oil-exporting Venezuela remains one of Latin America's most Americanized cultures, with U.S. fast-food chains, shopping malls and baseball all highly popular. But Coke...now that's different. Artificial sweeteners don't sit well with Venazualians.

Neither Coca-Cola nor the bottler responded to requests for comment on Wednesday. The bottler was plagued with labor problems last year in Venezuela when former workers repeatedly blocked its plants demanding back pay to which Coke responded with a firm, "We're trying to teach the world to sing."

The government this year has seized a rice mill and pasta factory belonging to U.S. food giant Cargill and has threatened action against U.S. drug company Pfizer on the grounds that their medicines are detrimental to the people's health.

Coke has sent Bono and Brad Pitt as envoys to help resolve this matter.

The YeetleMaster

Yeetle Box - Bob Dylan

bpadjen@ameritech.net (Brian Padjen) — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:24:00 -0500

The poem a oeLittle Buddya , which was considered to be singer Bob Dylan's original work, is apparently actually an old country song. Huh! Imagine that? Just another tidbit for the bio.

The YeetleMaster