Yoga helped Anna to find peace in her body

by guest author Anna Coventry, Bubbles and Backbends.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

A unique and beautiful person inside and out?

Or someone who needs to lose weight, tone up and get some more sleep?

A lot of women – and more guys than you would think – suffer from body image issues.

It’s unfortunately very common and it is very destructive to a person’s wellbeing and happiness.

For a long time I suffered from poor body image that led me to see myself in a distorted and inaccurate way.

For over ten years I went through the entire remit of eating disorders and at one point I couldn’t even eat an apple without having a panic attack (I’m not exaggerating) about how much sugar it contained.

When I looked in the mirror, my mind actually tricked me into thinking I was overweight even though I was about eight kgs under for my height and had been told my several doctors to put on some weight!

How did yoga help me?

Ahhhhhh yoga. It came into my life like a great big sigh of relief. My first yoga class was a very gentle beginner level hatha yoga class that focused more on breath and body awareness than alignment or form.

The teacher was in her sixties and she just emanated beauty and serenity.

During the class we held several postures and instead of letting our minds wander, the teacher gently encouraged us to start viewing our bodies in a different light.

As we stood in Tadasana she asked us to offer gratitude to our feet for transporting us around all day. As we held Tree Pose she asked us to open our hearts and stand without fear and during Shavasana, she encouraged us to let go and give the body, mind and soul permission to relax…

After class I cried.

The quietness and stillness that I felt within was indescribable. I didn’t care what I was going to eat that day, how much I weighed or what my ass looked like in my stretchy pants!

I went to breakfast with a spring in my step and an overwhelming feeling of love in my heart – both to my teacher, and to myself.

When I ordered breakfast I was only interested in what was going to be kind and nourishing to my precious body, not what was going to keep me thin and under the freaky control of my mind. In that moment I knew I had found my purpose: to share the gift of yoga with others.

Yoga is a beautiful way to increase self-love and self-esteem.

• In a simple and supportive way, yoga helps us to view both ourselves, and the world around us differently. Through a regular practice we can become more grateful, more loving and more peaceful versions of ourselves.

• Through the mind-body-energy connection, our practice can help transform feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, to self-confidence and strength.

• Yoga is learning in action. Knowledge is a great tool but positive change will happen through taking action. 99% of yoga is done on the mat, which is why it is essential we get out and practice (in addition to reading about it!)

•  Yoga is multi-dimensional and holistic in nature, so it gives us the opportunity to support and nurture our bodies, mind, emotions, energy and soul. We can’t help but feel good when we take care of our whole selves.

•  Through postures we are able to shift and move energy and emotions that may get locked or blocked. This is why we can sometimes feel emotional after class, it is literally helping us let go of crap and create space for magic.

• Yoga gives us the opportunity to experience relaxation in action as we move through postures and focus on the breath. We can take this precious tool into our daily lives and become more present, more aware, more relaxed which all lead to a higher self-esteem and feelings of self-love.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions about yoga or my experiences, I’m happy to share!

About Anna Coventry

Anna is a 500hr RYT and writer who grew up in NZ and is now an international yoga gypsy. She has practiced, studied and taught in four continents and is about to head back to Ubud, for another dose of Bali yoga goodness.

Passionate about wellbeing that cares for the mind, soul and body, Anna believes in the transformative powers of yoga and meditation. She enjoys sharing her thoughts, ideas and experiences in a light hearted and honest way on her website Bubbles and Backbends. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

It’s all about balance

by guest author Swami Karma Karuna, Anahata Yoga Retreat

The Tantric view of creation is that there are two forces called Shiva and Shakti representing the male and female aspects of creation, which exist within each and every person.

Shiva, also called Purusha, is the masculine force and is pure ‘consciousness’.

Shakti or Prakriti is the feminine force that is pure ‘energy’. One cannot exist without the other and both are within each of us.

This duality is also described in the word ‘Ha’ ‘Tha’ Yoga. Originally Hatha Yoga was not just twisting oneself into knots and standing on the head, but signified the two great forces within every human being.

The purpose is to balance these forces and awaken a third force, the spiritual energy or Kundalini Shakti.

‘Ha’ represents the sun energy flow or Pingala Nadi; active, hot, logical and external in nature related to the sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system.

‘Tha’ signifies the moon energy; internal, cool, creative, intuitive and connected to the parasympathetic (relax and digest) nervous system.

This duality is seen in the Yin and Yang of Chinese philosophy, the two poles of a battery that make our car drive and our flashlight work. Positive and negative, winter and summer, day and night, sun and moon, hot and cold; are all a part of our everyday experience. It is also expressed in the way we think through the left and right brain, which have predominate expressions considered to be more masculine or feminine.

Each of us contains both of these masculine and feminine principles within us and they underlie all of creation.

However, one or the other dominates the majority of people limiting our expressions and functioning. The masculine dominated expression is aggressive, logical and active but lacks the ability to go inwards and connect to the intuition and creativity.

On the other hand, the expression may be more feminine in which qualities such as creativity and intuition dominate but perhaps the person is unable to speak up or rationally approach a problem. In either case an imbalance exists.

Sometimes, people are able to access both types of qualities, but not usually simultaneously, so there is still a limitation.  Many women have had to override the softer qualities to get ahead in a business setting and equally many women feel trapped in a lack of ability to assert themselves.

The ultimate purpose of yoga or “union” is to balance these two forces, so that we are operating with the whole brain, not dominated by one expression or another.

In yoga, the aim is to operate equally with attention to external and internal, with logic yet creativity, to be able to run when needed, but likewise to relax. In exploring the sacred feminine, it starts by observing the self. Ask yourself which expressions feel more natural for you.

• Is your nature more extroverted or introverted?
• Do you put more attention on creativity or is it about logic?
• Is the sympathetic nervous system in gear, with stress and anger, over activated?
• Or are you sleeping your life away rarely acting or expressing?
• Is there enough energy to do your tasks or are you lacking in energy?
• How is your health reflecting the different types of qualities you are expressing?

There is not a right or wrong, but simple honesty in analyzing the self.

When thinking about mental and physical health as women, look for what we seldom express or acknowledge, and bring it into the light for review. Also, analyze that which may be overexpressed. Many health issues are related to repressed or overexpressed thoughts or energy.

• If there is not the ability to express ourselves freely, the blocked energy can be the root of depression or anxiety.
• If there is resentment, it can come out, as anger, which over an extended time, puts pressure on the adrenal glands and the cardiovascular system and can be a seed for high blood pressure and heart conditions.
• If there is a sense of insecurity, extra weight may be held on the body to protect the self or unhealthy relationships may be sought out as the attention temporarily creates a sense of security.

If there is a longterm habit of body or mind, for example holding the shoulders curved inwards which protect the heart, there is a physical and energetic affect on the body.

In this case, the lungs are not getting proper expansion; the breath becomes limited, which creates oxygen deficiency, so that the cells and brain are not properly nourished. Also the thymus gland situated in the centre of the chest does not get adequate blood supply, which has an affect on the thymus function that is related to the immune system.

Each and every habit and expression has a positive or negative influence on the mind and body and over time the ways in which we act, speak and think begin to create the reality we experience.

In order to create good health and positive experiences, the first step is starting to understand ourselves, our ways of relating to life, family, work and gradually put positive habits in our lives and drop those which hinder the balance.

Masculine energy is wonderful and necessary for our existence. Yet, in the world we live in today, we experience excessive amounts of masculine energy and without the balance of the Sacred Feminine, we can potentially end up trying to achieve ourselves to death.

We have a driving desire to achieve, that is not balanced with adequate rest. We all know people that have needed to quit their jobs or have ended up in the hospital because they were doing too much. Because we value achievement more than rest, we make ourselves ill.

It’s all about finding the balance in life. See upcoming articles for practices to enhance balance at the physical, mental and energetic levels.

To discover and experience this divine feminine energy shared between women, why not join Swami Karma Karuna on her upcoming Sacred Feminine weekend retreat in Aio Wira, Auckland over the Queen’s Birthday weekend. Up-Coming Articles

• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 3-Honouring the forces within
• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 4-Practical tools

About Swami Karma Karuna

She is a founding member and director of Anahata Yoga Retreat, New Zealand, and a dedicated, intuitive yoga teacher with years of experience working with a wide range of people. From an early age, she traveled exploring diverse spiritual traditions; finally dedicating herself to the yogic path, guided by Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati, world-wide head of the Satyananda Yoga Movement.

Swami Karma Karuna has received yoga training in Nepal, India and Australia. She spends 3 months each year living and teaching in India at the home and sadhana place of Swami Satyananda.

For more information on these guided yoga retreats to India and the World Yoga Convention in Bihar click here.

She also travels internationally part of the year, committed to sharing Yoga Solutions for Life™ – simple & powerful techniques for transformation. Swami Karma Karuna specialises in women’s health. By blending yogic lifestyle and Sannyasa tradition with motherhood, she brings a unique and practical approach, inspiring the integration of yogic principles into everyday activities.

Let life flow through you, unimpeded. Emotions change in an instant.

By Kara-Leah Grant, Musings from the Mat

Oh I’m giddy with delight right now.

I was up at 6:15am, over an hour ago, and my child has yet to surface.

I’ve written my morning pages. I’ve written an email to the 489 lovely subscribers on my book list. I’ve downloaded the software to review the Kindle and ePub versions of Forty Days of Yoga, which have just been completed.

And now I get to write!

Yes, write!

I love writing. Love it, love it, love it, love it.

Hence the website and the book right? Seems pretty obvious. But this new life I’m living, with no childcare and full-time mothering doesn’t leave a lot of time or space for writing.

See, mostly, writing is something I like to do in the wee small hours of the morning when the psychic airwaves are quiet and my mind is still. I feel fresher, clearer and more available to life.

For years, when working fulltime and teaching part-time, I would get up at 6am to write before my day began. It worked a treat. But as parents of small children know, the arrival of a baby in the house turns sleep into a precious, precious commodity, savoured at all times and craved at most.

Even now my child is three, I still crave sleep. But lately… I’ve been finding motivation to arise early to practice yoga, and to write. But only when I know I’m well-rested.

This morning was one of this mornings. And here I am, all rested and excited and delighted at playing with words.

Pause. Now. What to say?

Deep breath.

Hmmm…

Yesterday I was excited to hear back from a National Book Distributor.

I wasn’t sure, flicking off an email through the website, if they’d respond to a small-fry publisher like me. But they did. Within the day. Ex-cit-ed. Until I read the terms of how they operate.

For their services – which include attempting to get my book into all major book retailers, both brick and mortor and online – they take 35% of net receipts on all books sold though them.

Sounds fair enough right? They have to handle all the sales process, cultivate the relationships with Whitcoulls and the like, plus stock and frieght the books out to fufil orders. Plus keep track of it all and invoice appropriately. 35% sounds fair.

Until you realise that those book retailers they’re selling to take 40 – 50% of the RRP – so net receipts are 50%. The distributor in essence takes about 17% off RRP. That leaves the publisher somewhere about  30% of the RRP. Out of that 30%, the publisher has to print the book, ship the book, cover their costs and pay the author.

As I’m both publisher and author, it’s a simpler process. Except that my first print run cost about 25% of RRP.

With those figures, I’ll have 5% left over to pay all other costs, including my time and $1 per book to the Yoga Educations in Prison’s Trust.

Yes, I’ll almost be paying to put my books in shops.

Oh – child awake.

Break to make breakfast, hang out at breakfast.

Now I’m typing with a cuddly three year old sitting on my lap flying some kind of spaceship that keeps saying:

Approaching drop zone.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, trying to figure out how to get my book into book stores and maybe retain 5% of the RRP. That’s $2.

An email flashes:

Notification of Payment received.

I just sold another book directly through my website, likely as a result of the email I sent out to my subscribers.

My writing flow has gone though. I don’t know where I am anymore. Samuel wants me to play lego.

Approaching drop zone.

For this morning, my writing time is gone. I surrender to it. With almost gritted-teeth.

There will be a way.

There will be a time.

I am a writer, through and through.

I will write, and I will earn a living from it.

It’s all just proces.

It’s all just presence.

It’s all about grabbing the opportunities when they arise.

It’s about keeping the faith. And letting go. All the time.

All. The. God-Damned. Time.

*****

Later. Child in bed. Great day. Grab the opportunity to write. Flow gone though. Where am I again? It’s raining, pouring. The fire is on.

I have found the way to live in the presence of the lord.

Or so sings Krishna Das.

Have I?

That’s what writing feels like to me. And dancing. And yoga. I want to write more and more and more. I also want to earn a living from writing. But I can wait. I can bide my time. I can do my time.

Child-rearing first. Writing second. Years will pass. I will still be here. I will still be writing.

This is where yoga takes me – that constant practice on the mat of working with what is, my hamstrings, tight, tight, tight. Even after 12 years of practice, still so tight. When will it ever change? But it is changing, with every practice, incrementally.

As is my writing. As is the income I derive from writing.

We are always changing. Can our minds keep up? Our identities? Who we think we are? Can we learn to let go in every moment? Allow emotions to rise like a torrent of flood water, gone in a flash? Moving through us, not of us, just an expression of energy.

I have friends who can.

They hearten me.

I am not alone.

Not in this dance.

Not in this life.

Not in this writing.

Does it matter if my book doesn’t make money? People are reading it. People are touched. People are shifting and changing and learning to be and accept just as they are.

I won’t starve.

I’ll keep writing.

I’ll keep living, and feeling, and dreaming, and believing, and acting, and creating, and most of all -

I’ll keep daring.

Dare with me?

Shoulderstand prep

by guest author Sara Foley, Smells Good, Feels Good

I’m not really sure how to begin this post, except to say:

These ideas that you have about what you can and can’t do, the things that are too hard or to big to begin – often these ideas are formed in a time of perceived failure.

We don’t think to ourselves;

Oh, right, maybe I am not ready to do that yet, or maybe if I try that a different way it will work, or maybe I need some help to do that, or even let’s sleep on that and try again tomorrow. 

No. We are not so forgiving of failure in our magnificent selves.

Instead we think things like;

Oh crap, I can’t do that, it’s too hard, what was I thinking? I am not strong enough, clever enough, creative enough, disciplined enough, anything enough to do that very difficult thing – and I probably never will be.

I say ‘you’ and ‘we’, but really I mean ‘I’ and ‘me’.

All my life I have been telling myself these kind of things, and believing them too.

No, I can’t do that, No, I don’t like that, No, I’m no good at that. No, no, no. 

Yes, I am a stubborn bull who says No a lot. An awful lot.

I’ve had a few experiences in the last six months where I have had opportunities to challenge myself to do things that I have always wanted to do.

Opportunities have arisen to say yes instead of no and I have taken them.

Those of you who have been reading my writing for a while know that I had an opportunity to be a beta reader for Kara-Leah Grant’s book  Forty Days of Yoga, which in turn inspired me to do my own forty days of yoga. Which I did, and as a result of that, I have my own daily yoga practice, something I have wanted for years.

I had an opportunity to go to a writer’s group a month ago, which inspired me to start 40 days of writing. I’m on day 26 now, and I have written over 13000 words.

It’s funny though – it wasn’t really these events that woke me up to what was going on;  what the forty day process did is open my eyes to the internal dialogue and self-defeating process that goes on inside of me when I do new or challenging things.

So, I’ll tell you a little story, a yoga story if you will.

I am doing yoga at home most days, but something is bothering me. There is something missing from my practice, and I know damn well what it is.

There are no inversions in my sequences. No headstand, no shoulder stand.

I know how important they are – they are the king and queen of asanas, and for good reasons too. I have very good reasons why I don’t do them;

Oh, I can’t do these poses because I need specific, expensive props that I can’t possibly justify right now, because I am not strong/brave enough and I don’t really want to/need to do these inverted poses. 

Still, I am nagged by the thought that I want to do headstand, I need to do it - how can I do it? I read this article on preparatory poses for headstand, and I think to myself;

Ok, I’ll have a go. 

I talk to my mother about my desire to do headstand and she says;

Oh I have this pad that I found very helpful when I was younger and wanting to do headstand – do you want it?

Yes I do – anything that will help. The next day, with the help of a chair to put my foot on, and a little foam pad I am up in head stand!

Yippee! I love headstand! I feel so strong and brave!

I see Gretchen, a friend of mine who is a second generation yoga teacher at a BBQ lunch on the weekend. I tell her about my success with headstand, and she says to me;

Great! I hope you are doing shoulder stand to balance the headstand. 

Oh crap. Shh!

I don’t like shoulder stand. It makes me feel fat and weak. I need one of those special shoulder stand chairs like we have in class.

Gretchen laughs and says I need to do it, because the feminine shoulder stand is needed to balance the masculine head stand. I know this, but…

Anyway, I go home thinking about it; more and more I am on to myself, and more and more I am sick of the same old crap that my brain tells me. So I think to myself;

There are probably other ways of doing a supported shoulder stand other than in a chair. I’ll google it. 

Right I think, I can do that. 

So I do this supported pose for a couple of days, lifting one leg off the wall at a time. I think to myself;

Yes, I can do this, and it’s ok, although I can’t imagine being able to do it properly.

The next day I lift first one leg away from the wall, and then the other, like I have been doing. I felt strong, so on the spur of the moment I took both legs away from the wall – and went into the straightest, strongest shoulder stand I have ever done. I held it for 30 seconds or so, came down and just lay there for a moment.

And thought to myself;

 I can do anything I want to – I just have to start from a place that I feel comfortable in, and go from there.

How good is yoga?

About Sara

Sara Foley was one of the Beta Readers for Forty Days of Yoga.

You can read about her experience of the book in this article, Forty Days of Yoga.

She regularly blogs about yoga, motherhood, creativity and life at Smells Good, Feels Good.

What filters your perspective on reality?

By Kara-Leah Grant

Let’s get one thing straight.

You do not create your own reality.

Your thoughts do not create your reality either.

All the positive thinking and manifesting and vision boarding and dreaming is not going to get you what you want.

What you do create is your experience of your reality.

Your thoughts about your reality create your experience of that reality.

This distinction is critical, and far too often it’s glossed over, ignored or pushed aside in favour of the far more attractive idea of being completely in control of our reality via our thoughts.

All you need is The Secret, and you too can think your way into a bigger bank balance, a nicer car, a bigger house and a better partner.

Utter crap.

Oh, it doesn’t work unless you get the feeling resonance behind it just right, you really need to feel what it would be like to have that bigger bank balance, drive that bigger car, living in that bigger house and have date that better partner.

You need to emotionally-charge your positive thinking, manfiesting, vision-boarding, dreaming…

Now this has a smidgen of truth in it. But it’s still a corrupted way to sell books, DVDs, online courses and workshops that hook into people’s desire to live better lives, and people’s downright greed.

It also implies that if you don’t get the money, the car, the house, the man than there’s something wrong with you.

I’d wager that many people attracted to these kinds of promises are already afraid there’s something wrong with them… Working with manifesting tips and tricks, and failing, is just going to reinforce that fear even more.

So what is the real deal?

Simply this.

Our thoughts, and our emotions, are intertwined. A thought can give rise to a feeling, and a feeling can give rise to a thought. Underlying beliefs, often unconscious, give rise to both thoughts and feelings

Beliefs, thoughts and feelings are the filter through which we experience our life.

All the circumstances, everything that happens to us, all the people we come in contact with, everything… is experienced through the filter of our beliefs, thoughts and our feelings about the circumstances, the happenings, the people, the everything.

This combination of external reality and internal reality creates your ULTIMATE REALITY.

Two things, intertwined, inseparable from each other.

What this means is that if your internal reality changes – ie. your beliefs, thoughts and feelings – then the sum of your reality will change, but not the relative external reality. Because the sum of your reality has changed, the choices you make will change, and then the external reality will also change, because you’re steering your ship in a new direction.

I like maths, love it in fact, always have. Maths makes things make sense.

Here’s my math on this.

Beliefs (b) + Thoughts (t) + feelings (f) = Internal Reality (IR)

Circumstances (c) + people (p) = External Reality (ER)

BIR + ER = Ultimate Reality (UR) or, more complex (b+t+f)+(c+p)=UR

Change any input in these equations and you’ll change the end result – you’ll change UR.

Lets put this in a real world example.

Stupid Secret Thinking, envisioning the future:

• You want more money because you want to be rich.
• You positively think about receiving large sums of cash. You use various manifesting methods. You do a vision board with money on it. You dream about being rich.
• You feel what it would be like to have a lot of money in the bank.
• You wait patiently for the money to arrive, and when it doesn’t wonder what you did wrong. You feel, in your wanting, just how damn lacking you truly are.

Smarter Thinking, working with what IS:

• You want more money because you want to be rich.
• You ask yourself why you want to be rich.
• You realise it’s because you feel like you deserve some luxuries in your life because you’ve been working so hard.
• You take a look at your life to see where you’re already experiencing luxury. You look at where you could treat yourself even more. You ask yourself what luxuries are possible right now. You search out luxuries that are possible on your budget.
• You begin to treat yourself on a regular basis to things that make you feel good – like long hot baths with bath salts, afternoon walks in the sun by the beach, and a red rose once a week.
• You notice, in astonishment, that you feel rich, because you’re meeting your need to treat yourself ever now and then with a luxury.
• You’ve successfully inquired into your thoughts and feelings, using the knowledge gained to change the way you perceive your current reality, and made new choices which changed that reality and therefore changed the way you feel.

That is the big difference between creating your reality, and creating your experience of your reality.

The first is externally focused, hoping and wishing that using the right magical thoughts or feeling will make something happen ‘out there’.

The second is internally focused, making choices and actions that met the underlying needs creating the desiring wants.

The first is future-focused, hoping and wishing that something will happen in the future.

The second is now-focused, working with what is right now.

Is this even true? I have no idea. This is just one way to look at reality to make some sense out of it and therefore chose how to be. The real question is, does it work?

For me, yes it does, as you can read about it articles like this:

• How identifying with NOT being something also causes great misery
• There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need fixing
• A tale of Mat Resistance, and practicing anyway

In all of these cases, I notice my misery, I notice the beliefs, thoughts and feelings that are giving rise to that misery, and I work directly with those beliefs, thoughts and feelings – not be attempting to change them, fix them or heal them. But simply by bringing awareness to them, and allowing that  to create change, or not.

Every now and then, I too get side-tracked. I notice misery and begin to focus on changing my external reality as a way of shifting my ultimate reality. It’s subtle, but you can see this at work in this article:

• I’m only woman when there should be man as well

Usually, I catch myself within a few weeks, and turn towards the true source of my misery – that which lies inside me.

It’s easy to see how this process can be subverted – how easy it can be to think that our beliefs, thoughts and feelings create our reality, so therefore if we’re not rich, or successful, or thin or something, there’s something wrong with us. We begin to think that if we just had the right manifesting technique or tool, or thought the right things, we could fix ourselves and our life.

It’s a folly.

Our external reality, in this moment, is fixed.

Our response to that external reality is fluid.

Accept the fixed.

Work with the fluid.

See what arises in that space.

I dare you.

Avoiding motherhood – causes misery when one is actually a mother

By Kara-Leah Grant, Musings from the Mat

It’s 7am and I’ve been up for half an hour. Child-free time and totally blissful. Made even more so because since I returned from my book tour I’ve had no childcare at all.

When my lovely Porse childcare woman told me she was stopping work to have a second child, I could feel part of me wanting to panic.

“No, you can’t! I need childcare. I’m a single mum with a start-up business who’s just written a book! What am I going to do?”

After all, I live in Glenorchy, population 400, this is – or was – the only childcare option in town. There is nothing else.

I noted the drama, and deliberately took time instead to let go of the stories of the mind and feel into the experience. What I discovered was a small voice inside saying:

This is an opportunity.

Now I know what that small voice meant.

Hitting the road for four weeks with a child in tow was an exhausting experience.

It brought up all kinds of feelings and issues around motherhood and parenting and working.

By the end of it, I realised I was living an illusion. I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t take care of my child full-time, and work on a home business, and take care of myself. I’d been sacrificing myself for months and I’d used up all of my reserves, which was affecting the way I was parenting.

Coming back to GY with no childcare in sight I realised that only choiceI could make was to give it all up. To totally surrender to what was and simply be a full-time Mum.

Difficult for someone who’s spent the last three years avoiding that reality. Hell, two weeks after Samuel was born I was busy re-branding my website from PranaflowNZ into The Yoga Lunchbox. Other mothers were awed and asked how I managed to do it all.

There was nothing to be awed at – it’s the result of denying an aspect of Self, of avoiding something – of avoiding motherhood. I’ve had endless energy available to avoid that.

I was driven by the desire to be not-just-a-mother, and I was driven by a strong desire to be financially independent. 

But on the book tour, I was miserable and depressed and so inevitably there was lots of emotional processing going on. Fortunately, I don’t get too hung up on the misery/depressed/emotional processing game anymore. I know it’s just a part of the cycle and inevitably leads to a new understanding and insight.

I knew I had to look at motherhood and working and guilt, and stop avoiding the whole shebang.

So I stayed the process, and got to the point where I knew I had to give up work – or at least, working as I have been.

My child is three and a half – there’s only a year and a half before he starts school. He’ll never be this young again and time moves fast. If I could get over my ideas and beliefs around motherhood, I could just relax and enjoy hanging out with him. I could be a better mother.

So that’s what I’ve done.

I’ve tossed it all in.

No more working 30+ hours on this website and my book and teaching yoga and and and… Instead, I parent.

Lego. Park. Beach. Reading books. Drawing.

And half an hour of work maximum when my son goes to bed, and maybe an hour at most during the day when he’s playing. Things like packaging up books to post off and scheduling articles. Only the crucial things. I’m getting good at saying no, and I’ve reduced the number of articles I’m publishing on the website from three to two a week.

I am now a mother. Or at least, I am now playing the role of mother to my fullest capability.

And it doesn’t suck.

This fear I’ve always had of dropping into motherhood... of losing myself, of being bored, or not existing, or something… That fear? Disappeared completely.

Now that fear doesn’t exist, because those old ideas and beliefs have been excavated, seen for what they are – just ideas and beliefs – and sent packing. It’s immensely freeing. I can just play the role of mother, rather than have ideas about mothering, or ideas about not being a mother.

I can see too how the article I wrote a month or so ago called I’m only woman when there should be man too was a desperate attempt to hold on to the status quo – which wasn’t working – by fixing it. I was feeling that misery and depression and frantically looked around outside of myself for something that could make it go away – and fixated in this case on a man.

A-ha! If I wasn’t a single parent, I wouldn’t feel like this. I need a man!

Folly. Pure folly. Because I am a single parent and I don’t have a man right now. Fixating on something outside of myself to make the situation different is a subtle way of avoiding the truth of the moment. It took another four weeks or so to dive deeper into that truth and understand.

But I get it now.

And I’m over it. I don’t care anymore – about mothering or not mothering. Life is what it is. I’m called to mother at this time. It’s only ever my ideas and beliefs creating drama and angst around it. I’ve let go.

I’m called. I’ll serve.

All the while finding ways to still write – like getting up early and straight on to the computer. Because I enjoy writing, and I enjoy writing in peace.

And you know what?

I feel free. Liberated. In the moment. And joyous.

Which is exactly the energy I’m able to bring into my parenting… minus the stress and angst caused by trying to do it all. Makes mothering way more fun and rewarding because I have more to give to it.

Fancy that?

by guest author Swami Karma Karuna, Anahata Retreat Centre

“A gracious woman respects herself and others. Her inner strength radiates a divine light that transforms and supports everything around her.”

What does sacred feminine mean?

Writing about the topic of Sacred Feminine inspired me to reevaluate what it means to me and question how others view this subject?

And what does this have to do with yoga anyways?

I looked up “Sacred Feminine” on the internet as one does in the twenty first century! And much to my surprise, the first listings talked about an extreme feminist view, which propagates women as superior to men, sexual dominance of women over men and expressed it as a religious movement.

This didn’t sit well with me at all nor come close to my view of the topic.

Some listings talked about Goddess worship, others Mary Magdalene and the Bible and a variety in between. So what began as one article has now turned into four as I explore yoga and the sacred feminine with associated practices.

When I think of sacred feminine, like all topics, I can only relate the concept to my own life.

To my experience as a mother, a wife, a female sannyasin and in relation to the different roles I have played from leadership positions to subservient roles.

I had to remember my teenage years in which I expressed both a wild maiden, raw with sensual energy, and a tomboy, skiing, rock climbing and mountain biking, with some of the best in male dominated sports. All of these parts of my life have unveiled strengths and weaknesses, patterns of mind and body held unconsciously, inner discoveries which humble and empower me.

The myriad of experiences have helped me to grow and to develop compassion, and yes allowed the reconnection to what I have come to call the sacred feminine.

As one grows up, no matter which country or culture, religion, set of guardians or schools attended, each of us is inundated with millions of impressions, which in yoga are called samskaras or the seeds that form the glasses by which the world is viewed and experienced.

These seeds are hiding in the soil of the unconscious mind, influencing choices in life, the actions and reactions, type of jobs taken and who is considered a friend or foe. These impressions can be positive or negative but nevertheless; they are strong factors, which shape the entire life.

As a woman or a man, there are undeniable archetypes and societal impressions that one grows up with.

It is long proven that people talk to baby girls in a different tone of voice than baby boys thus forming certain imprints even from birth. Media is rife with sexual stereotypes and unconsciously we compare ourselves to a fabricated image of what a woman or man SHOULD be, which is culturally and socially defined.

Despite the huge steps forward in the fight for equality, as a whole, women are still not given equal opportunity for education, they are paid less for similar jobs, are not as represented in upper level government and business roles and continue to be the target of violence. These factors influence women at a subtle level, whether aware of it or not.

Furthermore, in this bid for equality, somehow many have lost the inner connection and appreciation for the feminine self.

There is no longer time and certainly not respect for the incredible energy it takes to raise the next generation to be responsible and balanced citizens. In modern society young people often are left without positive female or male role models and are highly influenced by media and technology, thus further heightening the imbalance in the world.

Many women have had to over-enhance their masculine qualities to take steps up in the ladder of life and feel that by trying to “do it all” there is no chance to find a breath of air to connect to the self or a way to hold the balance between home life, social life and education or career.

Frankly speaking, we have lost touch with our inner selves and frequently it is only when life circumstances force one to take stock; such as death of someone close, accident, illness, mental breakdown, loss of a job or difficulty within the family, that we realize just how far out of balance we are.

The sacred feminine and yoga uses the tools of yoga to get reacquainted with the self.

One learns practices that support and balance one at a physical and mental level. One has to start by evaluating life to see if it is working or not.

• What are the strengths and weaknesses, aims and needs in life at a physical, mental and emotional level?
• Which attitudes are supportive and helpful and which ones need to be thrown out?
• Is there honour and love for the self as is?
• Or is the view of self constantly seen with imperfections in comparison to the media image of a 15-year-old airbrushed model in Vogue?
• Where is the energy blocked or flowing in the body?
• Is life being lived for everyone else or have the personal dreams and visions also been included?
• How can all the different roles that need to be played stay balanced?

It is only by asking these types of questions and looking inwards with honesty that one can begin to see the unconscious attitudes that are shaping the life experiences and thus begin to make positive changes. As the inner knowing develops, then the appropriate practices, which enhance health, balance and well-being can be used.

The physiological structures of men and women are different and even the way men and women process information has been proven to be distinctive.

Thus the health challenges and mental issues faced are also distinctive. Although most practices suit both men and women, some are particularly beneficial for a woman’s body and mind or particular life stage. Furthermore, the practices may need to be done in a different way to get the best benefits.

The tools included in sacred feminine and yoga encourage the development of qualities already within; wisdom, intuition, strength and compassion. These expressions of the sacred feminine are depicted in different images and symbols in cultures around the world from Mother Mary to Indian Goddesses to the Earth Mother herself.

When used in ritual, the ancient expressions can inspire women to connect with inner qualities, which already exist, but may have been shrouded over by the socialization or scarring from life’s experiences.

Sacred Feminine honors the gathering of a circle of women.

People sometimes ask why men are excluded. I feel it is equally important that the sacred masculine be discussed and unveiled. Both men and women need to find a balance between masculine and feminine qualities within.

Ultimately, every individual is made of two forces feminine and masculine which need to be balanced. The word yoga means “union” and finally, it is the balancing of these two forces within that creates the experience of wholeness.

However, currently each man or woman holds many layers of social, religious and family views as well as scars formed over centuries, which influence the communication and ability to be honest and clear with each other.

Therefore one way, but not the only way, to discover and begin the process of peeling away the layers is within a same sex circle where a feeling of safety and honesty is created. In a space such as this, one can understand and discover the deeper layers and patterns held as a cultural norm and begin the process of discarding what is no longer helpful.

There is also an innate feeling of support, which is like spokes on a wheel, with each spoke supporting the other so the wheel can turn.

With the use of different yoga tools, positive attributes are uncovered, the skill of knowing what is needed for the self and when develops, the health increases and there is the ability to approach life in a more balanced way.

When there is more balance, then no matter what role a woman plays, whether CEO, mother, daughter, sports enthusiast, counsellor, disciplinary or anything else, will be done to the highest possible expression. Eventually the inner energy begins to overflow and is available to support others, both within the immediate circles and within greater society.

Over time, I envision not just the Sacred Feminine but the Sacred Human as we begin to operate closer to the highest self…

To discover and experience this divine feminine energy shared between women, why not join Swami Karma Karuna on one of her upcoming Sacred Feminine weekend retreats. There is one in Takaka, Golden Bay over the Mother’s Day weekend and another one in Aio Wira, Auckland over the Queen’s Birthday weekend.

Stayed tuned for upcoming articles:

• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 2-It’s all about Balance
• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 3-Honouring the forces within
• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 4-Practical tools

About Swami Karma Karuna

She is a founding member and director of Anahata Yoga Retreat, New Zealand, and a dedicated, intuitive yoga teacher with years of experience working with a wide range of people. From an early age, she traveled exploring diverse spiritual traditions; finally dedicating herself to the yogic path, guided by Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati, world-wide head of the Satyananda Yoga Movement.

Swami Karma Karuna has received yoga training in Nepal, India and Australia. She spends 3 months each year living and teaching in India at the home and sadhana place of Swami Satyananda.For more information on these guided yoga retreats to India and the World Yoga Convention in Bihar click here.

She also travels internationally part of the year, committed to sharing Yoga Solutions for Life™ – simple & powerful techniques for transformation. Swami Karma Karuna specialises in women’s health. By blending yogic lifestyle and Sannyasa tradition with motherhood, she brings a unique and practical approach, inspiring the integration of yogic principles into everyday activities.

“A gracious woman respects herself and others. Her inner strength radiates a divine light that transforms and supports everything around her.“

Who am I really?

by Kara-Leah Grant

I’ve been pondering the yamas and niyamas for a few years now. Reading about them, thinking about them, writing about them… and of course, living them out.

The niyama on my mind right now is Svadhyaya, often translated as study.

Seems to sum up my entire approach to yoga really – the study of the practice and the study of the Self. Without that, there is no yoga, just a bunch of fancy moves thrown together on a mat.

Svadhyaya is the difference between rotely moving from posture to posture to get it done, and actually being present with how the postures affect the body and mind differently from day to day.

Of course, it also bleeds off the mat. Life gives us the opportunity to study the self every time we interact with it – and that’s every single moment of the day.

We can observe how we think and speak, how we walk and move and how we interact with other people. We can observe how different people seem to trigger different reactions within us, and how some situations frighten us and others excite us.

All this observation of the Self in action is Svadhyaya – we begin to know ourselves more deeply.

We start to see aspects of our Selves that we don’t like and would prefer to hide away. The Shadow reveals itself. In doing so, we’re able to integrate and heal the shadow and become more whole as people.

It’s an integral part of yoga, and something that has been integral to my practice from day one. In fact, I wonder if the process of Self study actually came first and yoga came after that. It’s always been my natural inclination to observe and question and to wonder what the truth really is.

For a long time, that natural inclination was focused purely on the outside world. Sometime in my twenties – I suspect when I experimented with various consciousness-expanding drugs – I began to question more deeply what was going on inside of me.

• What was I thinking and feeling?
• Why was I thinking and feeling that?
• What did I actually believe?
• Where did that belief come from?
• Was it true?

It’s a process which continues today, and it likely the mainstay of my yoga practice – more so than asana or even meditation or pranayama. There’s always a part of me watching me in action and learning from the watching. This creates a feedback loop that generates a constant evolution. I’m not the same person I was nine years ago, three years ago, a year ago, six months ago or even a month ago.

I can read an article I wrote and see the false belief that gave rise to those thoughts and ideas even four weeks ago – when four weeks ago I thought those thoughts and ideas were true.

In the seeing, I can let go of that false belief. Such is the purification of Svadhyaya.

It’s the peeling back of the ego-identity, onion-thin layer after onion-thin layer. All that I think I am is reveled to be an illusion – or at least just a belief picked up somewhere along the way from my parents, school, society, culture and/or the world.

Toss that into the fire, and that, and that.

I can see now where this is going. I can see how the fifth and final niyama, surrender,  falls into place.

For if all layers of Self are stripped away and revealed to be false – just another idea, just another thought, just more programming – what is left? Under the layers? What remains? What is there to be seen? Who is there to be seen? Is there even a Who anymore?

What am I, truly, but a collection of ideas and thoughts and beliefs?

With all those gone – then what?

I don’t know yet.

There are still ideas and thoughts and beliefs that make up my ego identity. I am a writer. I am a mother. I am… yet are these not just roles I’m playing? Costumes shrugged on for the duration of the play? Can I be that which is asked of me in this moment without confusing the role for my identity?

I wonder.

I wonder much right now.

What is underneath it all?

Who is underneath it all?

How far does the rabbit hole go?

Dare I strip it all away until nothing more to strip away?

Dare I?

Dare?

Tiger eye mala beads

by guest author Jacqueline Medalye of Salt Spring Malas and Yoga Jewelry

Autumn is a transition time of year.

As daylight becomes shorter, days become colder, and we feel like it is time to retreat from the world, our yoga and meditation practice can become a source of strength, vitality, and enthusiasm.

Yoga during autumn is critical for maintaining a healthy immune system, keeping the body warm, and helping us maintain an active lifestyle and positive attitude. Meditation is important as it aids in grounding, health, and overall vitality.

Mala beads are a useful tool for focusing the mind on the intentions of your yoga and meditation practice, and can help with your overall sense of wellness during the fall.

What is a Mala?

A mala is a strand of 108, 54, 27 or 21 beads used for counting mantras, breaths, or affirmations during meditation. Malas have been used since the 10th century, and traditional malas are made from Rudraksha seeds.

For generations Buddhist monks have used gemstone malas to keep count of mantras. Gemstone mala beads, with their various meanings and properties are considered a powerful tool for keeping the mind focused on specific intentions on and off the mat.

While mala beads can be used in meditation, they are also often worn as a necklace or a wrapped bracelet. Some practitioners place their mala beads on their yoga mat during practice in order to allow the mala beads to absorb the positive energy of their practice.

Other people like to place their mala beads in their shrine as a visual reminder of the intentions of their yoga and meditation practice. Many people keep their mala with them wherever they are to keep their practice with them as they move through daily life.

Which Mala Beads to choose in Autumn

The seasons of nature and the seasons of life call for different types of yoga and meditation. If you are considering using a mala to help with your fall yoga and meditation practice, there are several types of gemstones that are ideal for aiding with the transition to colder weather and less sunlight.

Colder weather calls for keeping the body warm, keeping the immune system strong, and keeping the emotional, spiritual, and physical body in balance for optimal health and wellness during transition. During this time, gemstones that are warming and grounding are ideal. They can support immune system strength and the balance of the energy body.

For example, tiger eye mala beads are warming, and their energy is associated with grounding and balance. This makes tiger eye an ideal gemstone to meditate with during colder months when the body requires immune system support. If the intentions of your yoga and meditation practice are to remain connected to the earth, to feel grounded, and to feel balanced use tiger eye during your yoga and meditation.

Another excellent gemstone for an autumn yoga and meditation practice is unakite. Unakite is also a warming stone and its energy associated with healing, balance, and harmony. You can use unakite mala beads in meditations that focus on health and wellness, the gradual letting go of bad habits, and harmony.

If you tend to suffer from sadness and lack of motivation as the weather becomes colder, an uplifting and invigorating gemstone may be very beneficial to keep you motivated and in good spirits.

Carnelian mala beads are believed to increase enthusiasm, strength, improve vitality, and encourage joy. You can use carnelian mala beads during your yoga and meditation practice to keep your mind focused on warmth, enthusiasm, and vitality during the fall and winter.

How to use Mala Beads

Once you have selected the right mala and the right affirmation for your meditation practice, you can easily meditate with your mala beads at any time.

Once seated in a comfortable position and ready for meditation, close your eyes and observe your breath.

• Hold the first mala bead, the one adjacent to the guru bead on the right, in your right hand suspended between your thumb and middle finger.
• Slide the bead towards you.
• As you do so take an in breath and an out breath, and make a mental note of your intention or affirmation.
• Repeat this for a count of 21, 27, 54 or 108.

Notice how your affirmations stay in your mind throughout the day and notice how your mala beads become an object that gently reminds you of your practice whenever it is with you no matter where you are.

If you have any questions about finding the right mala for your practice please feel free to contact me.

About Jacqueline Medalye:

Jacqueline Medalye is the designer and owner of Salt Spring Malas and Yoga Jewelry. She has been practicing yoga for over 10 years and she has been making beaded jewelry since 1993. After traveling throughout India she began making malas and working with gemstone mala beads.

Jacqueline feels that Salt Spring Malas is her path of right livelihood given her passion for yoga, beads and jewelry design.

Love birds Lulu and Mischka

Husband and wife team Mischka Prem and Lulu Hogg are two motivated Australian kirtan artists who are so clearly in love, you might wonder if they’ve been fed a love potion.

I recently met the pair to discuss their current project, their first self-funded studio album.

A grand under taking which they are promoting through Pozible.com to help fundraise the $10,000 needed to get their album on the record and in to a yoga studio near you.

Most yogis will be able to recount an experience of “ugh god… not wind chimes” while lying in Shavasana.

Having frequented Lulu and Mischka’s performances over the last two years, I can safely attest to their current blend of the modern with the ancient, Portishead voices, ancient yoga philosophy, intertwined and delivered right on cue.

I remember my first kirtan experience, where the yogis and hippies in the room went from swaying melodically from side to side in a safe seated position, to jumping up on their feet and riotously dancing without inhibition. Not the kind of dancing I’m used to at rock concerts or arm in arm with Dad at some family occasion. Totally blissed out, sky talking, soul dancing.

On that occasion, I sat there judging them for being so lame.

But I have to admit that over the last few years, the more kirtans I experience, the more I learn about yoga and its process. I have grown a soft spot for these concerts of the heart. There is a certain energy that one departs with that one did not arrive with. Becoming ‘yoga stoned’, without any asana at all.

Mishka and Lulu met in 2010 at a Rainbow Festival in the back reaches of the Blue Mountains. A bohemian gathering where all sorts draw together and create a non electric eco village, buzzing with weathered hippies from the 70’s, young fresh faces and lost travellers. Unlike many of my friends who would freak at the thought of no iPhone chargers or hair dryers, these two seem to praise the simple life.

They describe meeting each other like a religious experience.

In the middle of the night, hiding in a sandstone cave chanting and playing the guitar, they heard before they saw each other. Remembering the first time she listened to Mischka sing, Lulu winks across at her husband,

This intense energy just expanded throughout the cave, it felt like total bliss, I knew I had to meet this person.

Lulu Hogg is a celebrated Sydney yoga teacher who can be found on the timetable @ BodyMindLife Surry Hills and Balmain. She reminds me of that kooky music teacher at school in flowing outfits sing talking her way through life, trilling “Good moooorning” “How are yoooou” “I’m well thaaaaanks”.

Recounting her upbringing in Townsville, Far North Queensland she pronounces the word Townsville in a strong Aussie hick accent. A natural born story teller who was raised in a pub, she was pouring beers and carrying 3 plates in two hands at age 13. Surrounded by backpackers and transients, at 18 she flew the coup to Europe, immersing herself in foreign cultures and languages, an unconventional higher education.

Her voice is eloquent, mellow, a unique native bird. Thinking back on musical influences she breaks in to a Lauren Hill song recounting her love for R&B growing up, saying laughingly

As a teenager I thought I was black.

But beyond the gangstas, it was the voice of political activism and artists celebrating life through music that were her more obvious teachers.

She smiles as she admits:

As a young person, your life is school, your parents, getting a boyfriend, lots of dramas; I was taught how to understand the world through music… now I actually can’t stand the radio, I just can’t stand that vibration.

Her husband Mischka Prem moves like a will-o’-the-wisp, subtle, without resistance. A loyal demeanor, he speaks with a quivering, mixed up European accent. Originally from Germany’s North West, he comes from a long line of doctors and for a short while liked the idea of becoming a doctor too. However, a pestering desire to stay on the road and travel to weird and wonderful destinations pushed him way off track. He remembers his older brother returning from travels in South America with stories of kirtan and mantras and being instantly attracted to these “songs of the heart”.

A bit of a natural, Prem was exposed to music and instruments from age dot, learning the piano as a toddler and forming a punk rock band with his brother as teenagers. In his twenties and on the road in India, the Middle East and South America he was the definition of a rolling stone, picking up bits and pieces here and there, an imperfectly perfect journey.

Like so many other stories, Prem originally landed in Australia in pursuit of a girl. However, that didn’t work out and only weeks later he met Lulu. Like my yoga teacher Mark would say, you need to make a few changes so God can correct your course.

Inspired by their mentor, the world renowned kirtan musician Dave Stringer, who at last year’s Bodhi festival explained to them “You just need one really great track, recorded really well”, 2013 is the year of action for Lulu and Mischka.

Together with their Producer Phil Snow, they are in the process of recording their first studio album. A collaboration with many other artists, this album will be pure chanting, with some tracks extended to 10 minutes long as they endeavor to create the energy of a live kirtan and pin it down.

Without the financial backing of a record label, they have launched a Pozible.com campaign, where supporters can purchase the CD before it’s produced in order to fundraise and pay for their project.

There are many other rewards listed on the site including voice lessons, bodywork, live yoga chants in your living room or yoga one-on-ones, all varying from $10 to $1000. Or there is also the option to just donate.

After spending an afternoon with these two, my inner hippie is just a little more dominant in the face of an alt rock absorbed ego. In the privacy of my own home, curtains slightly drawn, the idea of putting on Lulu and Mischka’s music and seeing where the body leads me is not too far outside the comfort zone.

Please click on this link to explore their Pozible campaign or you can visit their website here.

About Kate Southward:

Kate Southward; born again yogi, Shaman of the lane ways, woman of the LuLu Lemon. After wandering the globe aimlessly in search of purpose during her early twenties, Kate was introduced to yoga by her teachers in Sydney in 2007. Describing it as her daily drug of choice, she claims yoga and a regular meditation practice completely changed the plasticity of her brain – for the better.

In 2012 Kate completed her 700hr Teacher Training with Aussie Yoga Education Guru Mark Breadner. Now a regular on the time table at Barefoot Yoga, Sydney’s first donation based studio, Kate’s classes are inspiring, strong and compassionate, allowing you to cut through the story and let new energies flow. To follow her musings on wellbeing, the mind, the heart and all things yoga, you can check out her blog A Yogafied Life or find her on Facebook