No-Self? No identity? What is that?

by Kara-Leah Grant

I started this article over two years ago… and never finished it.

But thanks to suggestions from a YLB commenter, I found and read a book by Jed McKenna.

That was enough to give me the missing piece of the puzzle… I finally got what No-Self is.

What follows is that article, written two years ago, with a fresh conclusion.

*******

There’s been a great discussion going on in the comment section of Suggestions on what to do if you’ve had a Kundalini Awakening. It’s been such a great discussion, I had to turn my response into an article.

This discussion been centred around identify, no-identify, ego, mind and not-self.

It’s the kind of thing that can quickly get really confusing.

Our sense of self, or identity is so ingrained, it’s often impossible to tune in on what having no-identity would be like.

Yet many of the different spiritual scriptures, including the yogic texts, speak of this state of being where all sense of self dissolves. There is no ‘I’ left.

But if there’s no ‘I’ left… then who’s driving the car? How does the ‘I-less’ person engage with the world?

After all, our identity is what we use to connect with people.

If we’re no longer attached to any sense of self, where – or what – the hell are we?

Here’s my take on this subject.

First, I thought it would be wise to do some research and reading around this area. Ha! Confusing as all hell people, so after one or two articles… I thought screw it. I’ll reflect on this aspect of reality from my own experience.

That’s yoga at it’s heart after all, experiential. Not rehashed, no regurgitation.

So. Here’s my take on things.

1. Many people in this world are sleep-walking through life. Their reactions to the things that happen are completely based on what happened to them in the past, what beliefs they carry and what they think the world is all about. Life happens to them. These kind of people, bless them, are totally identified with their thoughts and feelings.
2. Some people in the world are beginning to wake up to life. They realise that they are acting out patterns of behaviour based on beliefs and ideas they carry around with them. They know that they are co-creators with life. These kind of people, bless them, are beginning to observe their thoughts and feelings and question them.
3. A few people in this world are Awake. They choose their response to any given circumstance based on what is needed. They no longer have any unconscious beliefs or limiting patterns dictating their reactions. They are Master Creators. These kind of people, bless them, have no fixed identity or sense of self. Who they are in the moment depends on what is needed.

Type 1 are like actors playing a part, only they’ve forgotten they’re acting and have become completely absorbed in the role they’re playing.

Type 2 are beginning to recognise the Play, and if they’ve been playing a suffering role, are looking to choose to play a different role.

Type 3 delight in the Play, and whatever role they are asked to play in what ever circumstance arises.

Practicing yoga helps us shift from Type 1 to Type 2 as we learn how to witness our selves in action.

We notice our habitual reactions to stimuli. We start to become aware.

As we become aware, we become curious. We wonder why certain situations trigger certain emotions or reactions. We may want to change the way we react. We start to become less identified with these reactions and more able to sense ourselves as awareness or presence.

As we become less identified with aspects of ourselves, we may feel less inclined to defend these parts of ourselves. Curiousity and awareness opens us up to change.

We notice when we are defensive, when we do shut down. We sense the different quality within ourselves, we notice how our voice changes and constricts, how our body language changes.

Someone might comment in passing:

“Wow, you get really angry when people criticize you.”

Identified with self, you respond:

“No I don’t!”, or “That’s because they have no right!”

Less identified with self you respond:

“Do I? Wow, I hadn’t noticed. I wonder why that is?” or “Hmmm… you’re right. I wonder why that is?”

What would it feel like if you were in a sense of No-Self? How would you repsond then? Simply this:

“Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. It depends on what’s needed.”

At least, this is what I imagine a person who’s experiencing No-Self would respond. I’m extrapolating… because I don’t know. I may be more conscious than I was ten years ago, or even one year ago, but I still have a sense of self.

And how useful is it to extrapolate what No-Self feels like?

After all, how many people are struggling with a sense of No-Self? Probably very few. Actually, none. What is there left to struggle with? There is no Self.

What’s of real concern to 99.9% of us is the shift from Type A to Type B – and this is the exact journey Yoga takes us on.

Yoga psychology specifically address this shift from a sense of I-ness to the Witness (Atman). It is the journey that yoga takes us on. I-ness, that sense of identifying with the small self, is even described as one of the five afflictions, or kleshas, that keep us bound to “gross apparent reality”.

When we’re stuck in I-ness, which arises out of the first klesha, avidya (ignorance) we get stuck in attraction and aversion, we become victims to our total identification with our likes and dislikes. As we practice, we begin to shift into the Witness and our attachments to our likes and dislikes softens and fades.

To an extent then, any discussion around what No-Self is like and how one attains it is academic.

Or totally pointless. You’re either in it, or you’re not. And if you’re not, you can’t pretend to be in it by learning the appropriate way to be… because there is no appropriate way to be.

*******

That’s about as far as I got two years ago. Then I got stuck. Now what?

Here’s what now.

I leave yoga behind. That’s what. I see that yoga is just another layer of Self to shed.

Another aspect of identify that is not me. It’s another idea and another belief. An incredible useful one that has served me well… until now.

I just stood up and went to get Jed McKenna’s book Spiritual Enlightenment The Damnest Thing from my bedroom so I could find something appropriate and wise to quote. Something that would sum up this article and  get across the point I’m trying to make.

Screw that.

The whole point of waking up – moving to No-Self – is that it’s something one does by oneself.

Like Buddha.

Like Jesus.

Like Jed McKenna. (Assuming the guy is for real and not just another brilliant story-teller weaving fiction out of fact a-la Carlos Castenada).

It’s not about learning, or knowledge, or understanding. It’s about exactly the opposite of that. it’s un-learning. Un-knowing. And totally letting go of the need to understand anything.

Which is why that discussion that kickstarted this article two years ago is totally academic. You can argue all you like about what No-Self is like or what it’s all about. But in the end, what you actually have to do is go there yourself.

Then you’ll know.

That’s it.

Peel back those layers. Let go of those identities. Toss out the things you think you know and forget about trying to understand.

Just keep questioning.

Is this true?

Is this true?

Is this true?

How do I know it’s true?

Is it really true?

Really?

Where’s my sacred???

By Kara-Leah Grant

Can we, like, ban the word spirituality already? And spiritual.

Like, if someone says, I’m actually quite a spiritual guy, I just want to gag.

What the hell does that mean anyway?

What does spiritual and spirituality mean?

I turned to that font of all modern knowledge to find out. Wikipedia.

The term spirituality lacks a definitive definition, although social scientists have defined spirituality as the search for “the sacred,” where “the sacred” is broadly defined as that which is set apart from the ordinary and worthy of veneration.

Oh. Baby. The term spirituality lacks a definitive definition.

There’s nothing definitive about it. It’s not defining. So if it doesn’t define anything, it’s totally pointless to use it to define something.

A spiritual guy, a spiritual moment, a spiritual book… you can’t use the word to define a guy a moment or a book because it doesn’t define anything.

Oh wait.

Social scientists have defined it – got around in a big old pow wow and decided to ascribe it with meaning – as the search for the sacred.

So a spiritual guy is someone who’s searching for the sacred.

I’ve lost my sacred, seen it anywhere? Sacred, sacred, sacred… where’s my sacred?

Which brings us to sacred.

What’s that then? That which is set apart from the ordinary and worthy of veneration.

Set apart from the ordinary.

Set apart.

Apart.

A part.

The sacred is a part of the ordinary?

That’s why you’ve lost it! You’re confused… you’re right there living your ordinary life and you’ve forgotten that’s where the sacred lives, right in the middle of it all, as a part of the ordinary.

So you’re searching.

Because you’ve forgotten to venerate. You’ve forgotten to treat your ordinary life with reverence and respect.

That’s it.

Thats why before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

You forgot to respect and revere your life.

In the forgetting, you knew you’d lost something, so you went searching, and heard about this spirituality gig, so now you thought you knew what you were searching for.

You kept searching, reading this teacher and that book and watching that person on YouTube and going along to that Satsang… Now you’re a spiritual person. You’re a seeker. But you’ve got so hung up on all the trappings of seeking that you’ve forgotten what you’re looking for.

Remember.

Let go all of the teachers and teachings and trappings and ideas and thoughts.

Look at your life.

See your life.

Ain’t it amazing? Ain’t it wonderful? Omigod, you’re like, alive. Wow! So cool… respect and revere that.

Now forget spirituality.

You’ve found what you were looking for.

Now, you’re just a guy.

And it’s just life.

No more spirituality, ok?

Supporting NZ prisoners to practice yoga

by Adhyatma, Satyananda Yoga Teacher and author of Broken Warriors – Reaching out to prisoners with yoga

[Editor's Note: The Yoga Lunchbox is proud to support the Yoga Education in Prisons Trust through offering free listings of  YEPT fundraising events.

Plus $1 from every print copy of Forty Days of Yoga goes to YEPT.

It's awesome work they're doing! You can make a tax-deductible donation here.]

We thought it was time for an update on the activities of Yoga Education in Prisons Trust (YEPT).

YEPT has really taken off in recent times. We now have Satyananda Yoga teachers bringing yoga and meditation to several prisons throughout New Zealand.

Our objective is to share Satyananda Yoga with prisoners so that they may have the tools and practices for their own inner transformation and wellbeing.

As teachers and practitioners of yoga we know how it worked for us personally and we’ve seen how it has saved many lives.

The YEPT teachers and trustees strongly believe that every person in society has the right to access these gems of knowledge…and not just the middle sector of society in the yoga studios.

Not everyone can afford a $20 yoga class right?

You may notice that it’s not until you really need to make some change in your life that you put in the effort and that’s what makes yoga in prisons work so well.

Once a person is incarcerated it rapidly becomes very apparent that the change needs to be an internal one just as much as an external one….when you are locked down for so many hours a day that old monkey mind unveils itself without abandon.

Here’s what two of our teachers have to say about their experience of teaching yoga in prisons:

‘In Auckland men’s prison I teach a weekly class to men who voluntarily attend the class and the feedback is really positive from the prisoners, the guards, the therapists and the prison manager too.

I’m particularly impressed how these aspiring yogis sit so still in meditation and, as for many people, yoga nidra is also a favourite practice. Prisoners have reported to me that they sleep better, are more aware of their breathing and feel more calm and peaceful throughout the day.

I’m seeing that yoga provides real rehabilitation that serves these prisoners well while inside and after their release when they re-engage in the community.

I share with the prisoner’s stories about ashrams and encourage them that in some ways they can also make their own prison environment like an ashram and support each other in their own practice.

The prisoners also show an interest in the philosophy of yoga and we have inspiring discussions about how to apply these yogic principles in order to live a more peaceful and balanced life.’ - Brendon Sakey

‘Today was the last yoga session of my first six week block teaching inside. The guys brought in yoga books that they borrowed from the library so that’s got to tell you something – its working having yoga in the prison.

Seeing the guys relaxed and willing to learn is amazing, one guy said, “Oohh Miss I was really in the zone then”, when I said something to him.

I’m not sure who gets the most out of these classes, me or the guys. I feel so grateful to be able to pass on what I have been taught and what the guys are teaching me is cool. We all deserve this form of nurturing – we all have so much to learn. The students have asked for a “Part Two” course and one even said that may one day he would be the teacher and I would be in his class.’ - Tracy Collins

Thanks to everyone who shows an interest in YEPT. We are a grassroots charitable trust and we do rely on support, both financially and also through volunteers who give their time and energy. We appreciate your support in anyway.

We have some fundraising events for YEPT coming up around NZ this year:

• On May 19th at Youthline House in Ponsonby, Auckland at 5:30pm we will have a yoga class followed by a movie screening of Dharma Brothers.
• On May 21st the Dunedin Yoga Studio will be hosting a Dhamma Brothers movie night followed by Chai and Cake. 7.30 – 9pm. 492 Moray Place. Suggested donation $15.
• In Raglan on May 26th there will be a yoga session and DVD Day. 3.30pm at Raglan Community Arts Centre Theatre. 
• Dhamma Brothers is an inspiring film about meditation in prisons in the USA.

These nights raise funds for YEPT so they may continue their work in prisons in New Zealand covering costs such as travel expenses, insurance, and administration. We also provide a free instructional booklet for the prisoners. The money raised from our fundraisers will go towards printing more of these booklets and working on the next two booklets.

Please come and bring your friends if you’re in the area.

Please see the YEPT Facebook page and YEPT website for more details and feel free to make contact with us.

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” -  Nelson Mandela

Here is another wonderful way that you can support our work.

Most of you know Kara-Leah – she’s recently released her book Forty Days of Yoga – Breaking down the barriers to a home yoga practice, and is donating $1 from each print copy of the book to YEPT.

However, starting today (Tuesday May 21) at 8:31am she’s also running a 36 hour Pay-What-You-Can Promotion for the Forty Days of Yoga Multi-Format Electronic Package – which includes a Kindle, ePub and PDF editions of the book. 

Why? Because she’s heard the following from a few people;

‘I can’t wait to buy your book, as soon as I get some money together.’

Best of all, Kara-Leah is also going to donate $10 to YEPT from everyone who pays $25 or more for Multi-Format Electronic Package

If you would love to own the book in an electronic format, but just don’t have the spare cash right now. This is your time. Click this link. Decide what you can afford. Type in that amount. Download the book.

Sweet. Here’s what’s also sweet.

If Kara-Leah tops $1000 in sales of the Multi-Format Electronic Package in this 36 hour period, she’ll donate another 10% of the total to YEPT.

So if you have yoga friends you think want this book, please forward this on to them. The more sales we do in this 36 hour period, the more money YEPT will receive. It’s a great opportunity for us to raise money, and our profile.

Those 36 hours start now, at 8.31am Tuesday May 21st here in NZ, and finish on Wednesday May 23rd at 8:31pm.

So if you’d like to buy the Forty Days of Yoga Multi-Format Electronic Edition… now is the moment. Click here. Or, to read more about the book and the package, head over to the sales landing page here.

Finally, if you’re don’t want to buy anything, but you’d like to donate directly to YEPT, here’s where to do that.

Forty Days of Yoga, print and multi-format electronic editions on sale now.

Update from Editor: 

Final tally for the promo was 29 sales, $355 in total sales at an average of $12.25 per sale and $90 raised for YEPT. Plus I’m kicking in another $300 from my initial print run, so will donate a total of $400 to YEPT this month. Thanks to everyone who contributed and donated money.

Yoga helped Anna to find peace in her body

by guest author Anna Coventry, Bubbles and Backbends.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see?

A unique and beautiful person inside and out?

Or someone who needs to lose weight, tone up and get some more sleep?

A lot of women – and more guys than you would think – suffer from body image issues.

It’s unfortunately very common and it is very destructive to a person’s wellbeing and happiness.

For a long time I suffered from poor body image that led me to see myself in a distorted and inaccurate way.

For over ten years I went through the entire remit of eating disorders and at one point I couldn’t even eat an apple without having a panic attack (I’m not exaggerating) about how much sugar it contained.

When I looked in the mirror, my mind actually tricked me into thinking I was overweight even though I was about eight kgs under for my height and had been told my several doctors to put on some weight!

How did yoga help me?

Ahhhhhh yoga. It came into my life like a great big sigh of relief. My first yoga class was a very gentle beginner level hatha yoga class that focused more on breath and body awareness than alignment or form.

The teacher was in her sixties and she just emanated beauty and serenity.

During the class we held several postures and instead of letting our minds wander, the teacher gently encouraged us to start viewing our bodies in a different light.

As we stood in Tadasana she asked us to offer gratitude to our feet for transporting us around all day. As we held Tree Pose she asked us to open our hearts and stand without fear and during Shavasana, she encouraged us to let go and give the body, mind and soul permission to relax…

After class I cried.

The quietness and stillness that I felt within was indescribable. I didn’t care what I was going to eat that day, how much I weighed or what my ass looked like in my stretchy pants!

I went to breakfast with a spring in my step and an overwhelming feeling of love in my heart – both to my teacher, and to myself.

When I ordered breakfast I was only interested in what was going to be kind and nourishing to my precious body, not what was going to keep me thin and under the freaky control of my mind. In that moment I knew I had found my purpose: to share the gift of yoga with others.

Yoga is a beautiful way to increase self-love and self-esteem.

• In a simple and supportive way, yoga helps us to view both ourselves, and the world around us differently. Through a regular practice we can become more grateful, more loving and more peaceful versions of ourselves.

• Through the mind-body-energy connection, our practice can help transform feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, to self-confidence and strength.

• Yoga is learning in action. Knowledge is a great tool but positive change will happen through taking action. 99% of yoga is done on the mat, which is why it is essential we get out and practice (in addition to reading about it!)

•  Yoga is multi-dimensional and holistic in nature, so it gives us the opportunity to support and nurture our bodies, mind, emotions, energy and soul. We can’t help but feel good when we take care of our whole selves.

•  Through postures we are able to shift and move energy and emotions that may get locked or blocked. This is why we can sometimes feel emotional after class, it is literally helping us let go of crap and create space for magic.

• Yoga gives us the opportunity to experience relaxation in action as we move through postures and focus on the breath. We can take this precious tool into our daily lives and become more present, more aware, more relaxed which all lead to a higher self-esteem and feelings of self-love.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions about yoga or my experiences, I’m happy to share!

About Anna Coventry

Anna is a 500hr RYT and writer who grew up in NZ and is now an international yoga gypsy. She has practiced, studied and taught in four continents and is about to head back to Ubud, for another dose of Bali yoga goodness.

Passionate about wellbeing that cares for the mind, soul and body, Anna believes in the transformative powers of yoga and meditation. She enjoys sharing her thoughts, ideas and experiences in a light hearted and honest way on her website Bubbles and Backbends. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

It’s all about balance

by guest author Swami Karma Karuna, Anahata Yoga Retreat

The Tantric view of creation is that there are two forces called Shiva and Shakti representing the male and female aspects of creation, which exist within each and every person.

Shiva, also called Purusha, is the masculine force and is pure ‘consciousness’.

Shakti or Prakriti is the feminine force that is pure ‘energy’. One cannot exist without the other and both are within each of us.

This duality is also described in the word ‘Ha’ ‘Tha’ Yoga. Originally Hatha Yoga was not just twisting oneself into knots and standing on the head, but signified the two great forces within every human being.

The purpose is to balance these forces and awaken a third force, the spiritual energy or Kundalini Shakti.

‘Ha’ represents the sun energy flow or Pingala Nadi; active, hot, logical and external in nature related to the sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system.

‘Tha’ signifies the moon energy; internal, cool, creative, intuitive and connected to the parasympathetic (relax and digest) nervous system.

This duality is seen in the Yin and Yang of Chinese philosophy, the two poles of a battery that make our car drive and our flashlight work. Positive and negative, winter and summer, day and night, sun and moon, hot and cold; are all a part of our everyday experience. It is also expressed in the way we think through the left and right brain, which have predominate expressions considered to be more masculine or feminine.

Each of us contains both of these masculine and feminine principles within us and they underlie all of creation.

However, one or the other dominates the majority of people limiting our expressions and functioning. The masculine dominated expression is aggressive, logical and active but lacks the ability to go inwards and connect to the intuition and creativity.

On the other hand, the expression may be more feminine in which qualities such as creativity and intuition dominate but perhaps the person is unable to speak up or rationally approach a problem. In either case an imbalance exists.

Sometimes, people are able to access both types of qualities, but not usually simultaneously, so there is still a limitation.  Many women have had to override the softer qualities to get ahead in a business setting and equally many women feel trapped in a lack of ability to assert themselves.

The ultimate purpose of yoga or “union” is to balance these two forces, so that we are operating with the whole brain, not dominated by one expression or another.

In yoga, the aim is to operate equally with attention to external and internal, with logic yet creativity, to be able to run when needed, but likewise to relax. In exploring the sacred feminine, it starts by observing the self. Ask yourself which expressions feel more natural for you.

• Is your nature more extroverted or introverted?
• Do you put more attention on creativity or is it about logic?
• Is the sympathetic nervous system in gear, with stress and anger, over activated?
• Or are you sleeping your life away rarely acting or expressing?
• Is there enough energy to do your tasks or are you lacking in energy?
• How is your health reflecting the different types of qualities you are expressing?

There is not a right or wrong, but simple honesty in analyzing the self.

When thinking about mental and physical health as women, look for what we seldom express or acknowledge, and bring it into the light for review. Also, analyze that which may be overexpressed. Many health issues are related to repressed or overexpressed thoughts or energy.

• If there is not the ability to express ourselves freely, the blocked energy can be the root of depression or anxiety.
• If there is resentment, it can come out, as anger, which over an extended time, puts pressure on the adrenal glands and the cardiovascular system and can be a seed for high blood pressure and heart conditions.
• If there is a sense of insecurity, extra weight may be held on the body to protect the self or unhealthy relationships may be sought out as the attention temporarily creates a sense of security.

If there is a longterm habit of body or mind, for example holding the shoulders curved inwards which protect the heart, there is a physical and energetic affect on the body.

In this case, the lungs are not getting proper expansion; the breath becomes limited, which creates oxygen deficiency, so that the cells and brain are not properly nourished. Also the thymus gland situated in the centre of the chest does not get adequate blood supply, which has an affect on the thymus function that is related to the immune system.

Each and every habit and expression has a positive or negative influence on the mind and body and over time the ways in which we act, speak and think begin to create the reality we experience.

In order to create good health and positive experiences, the first step is starting to understand ourselves, our ways of relating to life, family, work and gradually put positive habits in our lives and drop those which hinder the balance.

Masculine energy is wonderful and necessary for our existence. Yet, in the world we live in today, we experience excessive amounts of masculine energy and without the balance of the Sacred Feminine, we can potentially end up trying to achieve ourselves to death.

We have a driving desire to achieve, that is not balanced with adequate rest. We all know people that have needed to quit their jobs or have ended up in the hospital because they were doing too much. Because we value achievement more than rest, we make ourselves ill.

It’s all about finding the balance in life. See upcoming articles for practices to enhance balance at the physical, mental and energetic levels.

To discover and experience this divine feminine energy shared between women, why not join Swami Karma Karuna on her upcoming Sacred Feminine weekend retreat in Aio Wira, Auckland over the Queen’s Birthday weekend. Up-Coming Articles

• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 3-Honouring the forces within
• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 4-Practical tools

About Swami Karma Karuna

She is a founding member and director of Anahata Yoga Retreat, New Zealand, and a dedicated, intuitive yoga teacher with years of experience working with a wide range of people. From an early age, she traveled exploring diverse spiritual traditions; finally dedicating herself to the yogic path, guided by Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati, world-wide head of the Satyananda Yoga Movement.

Swami Karma Karuna has received yoga training in Nepal, India and Australia. She spends 3 months each year living and teaching in India at the home and sadhana place of Swami Satyananda.

For more information on these guided yoga retreats to India and the World Yoga Convention in Bihar click here.

She also travels internationally part of the year, committed to sharing Yoga Solutions for Life™ – simple & powerful techniques for transformation. Swami Karma Karuna specialises in women’s health. By blending yogic lifestyle and Sannyasa tradition with motherhood, she brings a unique and practical approach, inspiring the integration of yogic principles into everyday activities.

Let life flow through you, unimpeded. Emotions change in an instant.

By Kara-Leah Grant, Musings from the Mat

Oh I’m giddy with delight right now.

I was up at 6:15am, over an hour ago, and my child has yet to surface.

I’ve written my morning pages. I’ve written an email to the 489 lovely subscribers on my book list. I’ve downloaded the software to review the Kindle and ePub versions of Forty Days of Yoga, which have just been completed.

And now I get to write!

Yes, write!

I love writing. Love it, love it, love it, love it.

Hence the website and the book right? Seems pretty obvious. But this new life I’m living, with no childcare and full-time mothering doesn’t leave a lot of time or space for writing.

See, mostly, writing is something I like to do in the wee small hours of the morning when the psychic airwaves are quiet and my mind is still. I feel fresher, clearer and more available to life.

For years, when working fulltime and teaching part-time, I would get up at 6am to write before my day began. It worked a treat. But as parents of small children know, the arrival of a baby in the house turns sleep into a precious, precious commodity, savoured at all times and craved at most.

Even now my child is three, I still crave sleep. But lately… I’ve been finding motivation to arise early to practice yoga, and to write. But only when I know I’m well-rested.

This morning was one of this mornings. And here I am, all rested and excited and delighted at playing with words.

Pause. Now. What to say?

Deep breath.

Hmmm…

Yesterday I was excited to hear back from a National Book Distributor.

I wasn’t sure, flicking off an email through the website, if they’d respond to a small-fry publisher like me. But they did. Within the day. Ex-cit-ed. Until I read the terms of how they operate.

For their services – which include attempting to get my book into all major book retailers, both brick and mortor and online – they take 35% of net receipts on all books sold though them.

Sounds fair enough right? They have to handle all the sales process, cultivate the relationships with Whitcoulls and the like, plus stock and frieght the books out to fufil orders. Plus keep track of it all and invoice appropriately. 35% sounds fair.

Until you realise that those book retailers they’re selling to take 40 – 50% of the RRP – so net receipts are 50%. The distributor in essence takes about 17% off RRP. That leaves the publisher somewhere about  30% of the RRP. Out of that 30%, the publisher has to print the book, ship the book, cover their costs and pay the author.

As I’m both publisher and author, it’s a simpler process. Except that my first print run cost about 25% of RRP.

With those figures, I’ll have 5% left over to pay all other costs, including my time and $1 per book to the Yoga Educations in Prison’s Trust.

Yes, I’ll almost be paying to put my books in shops.

Oh – child awake.

Break to make breakfast, hang out at breakfast.

Now I’m typing with a cuddly three year old sitting on my lap flying some kind of spaceship that keeps saying:

Approaching drop zone.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, trying to figure out how to get my book into book stores and maybe retain 5% of the RRP. That’s $2.

An email flashes:

Notification of Payment received.

I just sold another book directly through my website, likely as a result of the email I sent out to my subscribers.

My writing flow has gone though. I don’t know where I am anymore. Samuel wants me to play lego.

Approaching drop zone.

For this morning, my writing time is gone. I surrender to it. With almost gritted-teeth.

There will be a way.

There will be a time.

I am a writer, through and through.

I will write, and I will earn a living from it.

It’s all just proces.

It’s all just presence.

It’s all about grabbing the opportunities when they arise.

It’s about keeping the faith. And letting go. All the time.

All. The. God-Damned. Time.

*****

Later. Child in bed. Great day. Grab the opportunity to write. Flow gone though. Where am I again? It’s raining, pouring. The fire is on.

I have found the way to live in the presence of the lord.

Or so sings Krishna Das.

Have I?

That’s what writing feels like to me. And dancing. And yoga. I want to write more and more and more. I also want to earn a living from writing. But I can wait. I can bide my time. I can do my time.

Child-rearing first. Writing second. Years will pass. I will still be here. I will still be writing.

This is where yoga takes me – that constant practice on the mat of working with what is, my hamstrings, tight, tight, tight. Even after 12 years of practice, still so tight. When will it ever change? But it is changing, with every practice, incrementally.

As is my writing. As is the income I derive from writing.

We are always changing. Can our minds keep up? Our identities? Who we think we are? Can we learn to let go in every moment? Allow emotions to rise like a torrent of flood water, gone in a flash? Moving through us, not of us, just an expression of energy.

I have friends who can.

They hearten me.

I am not alone.

Not in this dance.

Not in this life.

Not in this writing.

Does it matter if my book doesn’t make money? People are reading it. People are touched. People are shifting and changing and learning to be and accept just as they are.

I won’t starve.

I’ll keep writing.

I’ll keep living, and feeling, and dreaming, and believing, and acting, and creating, and most of all -

I’ll keep daring.

Dare with me?

Shoulderstand prep

by guest author Sara Foley, Smells Good, Feels Good

I’m not really sure how to begin this post, except to say:

These ideas that you have about what you can and can’t do, the things that are too hard or to big to begin – often these ideas are formed in a time of perceived failure.

We don’t think to ourselves;

Oh, right, maybe I am not ready to do that yet, or maybe if I try that a different way it will work, or maybe I need some help to do that, or even let’s sleep on that and try again tomorrow. 

No. We are not so forgiving of failure in our magnificent selves.

Instead we think things like;

Oh crap, I can’t do that, it’s too hard, what was I thinking? I am not strong enough, clever enough, creative enough, disciplined enough, anything enough to do that very difficult thing – and I probably never will be.

I say ‘you’ and ‘we’, but really I mean ‘I’ and ‘me’.

All my life I have been telling myself these kind of things, and believing them too.

No, I can’t do that, No, I don’t like that, No, I’m no good at that. No, no, no. 

Yes, I am a stubborn bull who says No a lot. An awful lot.

I’ve had a few experiences in the last six months where I have had opportunities to challenge myself to do things that I have always wanted to do.

Opportunities have arisen to say yes instead of no and I have taken them.

Those of you who have been reading my writing for a while know that I had an opportunity to be a beta reader for Kara-Leah Grant’s book  Forty Days of Yoga, which in turn inspired me to do my own forty days of yoga. Which I did, and as a result of that, I have my own daily yoga practice, something I have wanted for years.

I had an opportunity to go to a writer’s group a month ago, which inspired me to start 40 days of writing. I’m on day 26 now, and I have written over 13000 words.

It’s funny though – it wasn’t really these events that woke me up to what was going on;  what the forty day process did is open my eyes to the internal dialogue and self-defeating process that goes on inside of me when I do new or challenging things.

So, I’ll tell you a little story, a yoga story if you will.

I am doing yoga at home most days, but something is bothering me. There is something missing from my practice, and I know damn well what it is.

There are no inversions in my sequences. No headstand, no shoulder stand.

I know how important they are – they are the king and queen of asanas, and for good reasons too. I have very good reasons why I don’t do them;

Oh, I can’t do these poses because I need specific, expensive props that I can’t possibly justify right now, because I am not strong/brave enough and I don’t really want to/need to do these inverted poses. 

Still, I am nagged by the thought that I want to do headstand, I need to do it - how can I do it? I read this article on preparatory poses for headstand, and I think to myself;

Ok, I’ll have a go. 

I talk to my mother about my desire to do headstand and she says;

Oh I have this pad that I found very helpful when I was younger and wanting to do headstand – do you want it?

Yes I do – anything that will help. The next day, with the help of a chair to put my foot on, and a little foam pad I am up in head stand!

Yippee! I love headstand! I feel so strong and brave!

I see Gretchen, a friend of mine who is a second generation yoga teacher at a BBQ lunch on the weekend. I tell her about my success with headstand, and she says to me;

Great! I hope you are doing shoulder stand to balance the headstand. 

Oh crap. Shh!

I don’t like shoulder stand. It makes me feel fat and weak. I need one of those special shoulder stand chairs like we have in class.

Gretchen laughs and says I need to do it, because the feminine shoulder stand is needed to balance the masculine head stand. I know this, but…

Anyway, I go home thinking about it; more and more I am on to myself, and more and more I am sick of the same old crap that my brain tells me. So I think to myself;

There are probably other ways of doing a supported shoulder stand other than in a chair. I’ll google it. 

Right I think, I can do that. 

So I do this supported pose for a couple of days, lifting one leg off the wall at a time. I think to myself;

Yes, I can do this, and it’s ok, although I can’t imagine being able to do it properly.

The next day I lift first one leg away from the wall, and then the other, like I have been doing. I felt strong, so on the spur of the moment I took both legs away from the wall – and went into the straightest, strongest shoulder stand I have ever done. I held it for 30 seconds or so, came down and just lay there for a moment.

And thought to myself;

 I can do anything I want to – I just have to start from a place that I feel comfortable in, and go from there.

How good is yoga?

About Sara

Sara Foley was one of the Beta Readers for Forty Days of Yoga.

You can read about her experience of the book in this article, Forty Days of Yoga.

She regularly blogs about yoga, motherhood, creativity and life at Smells Good, Feels Good.

What filters your perspective on reality?

By Kara-Leah Grant

Let’s get one thing straight.

You do not create your own reality.

Your thoughts do not create your reality either.

All the positive thinking and manifesting and vision boarding and dreaming is not going to get you what you want.

What you do create is your experience of your reality.

Your thoughts about your reality create your experience of that reality.

This distinction is critical, and far too often it’s glossed over, ignored or pushed aside in favour of the far more attractive idea of being completely in control of our reality via our thoughts.

All you need is The Secret, and you too can think your way into a bigger bank balance, a nicer car, a bigger house and a better partner.

Utter crap.

Oh, it doesn’t work unless you get the feeling resonance behind it just right, you really need to feel what it would be like to have that bigger bank balance, drive that bigger car, living in that bigger house and have date that better partner.

You need to emotionally-charge your positive thinking, manfiesting, vision-boarding, dreaming…

Now this has a smidgen of truth in it. But it’s still a corrupted way to sell books, DVDs, online courses and workshops that hook into people’s desire to live better lives, and people’s downright greed.

It also implies that if you don’t get the money, the car, the house, the man than there’s something wrong with you.

I’d wager that many people attracted to these kinds of promises are already afraid there’s something wrong with them… Working with manifesting tips and tricks, and failing, is just going to reinforce that fear even more.

So what is the real deal?

Simply this.

Our thoughts, and our emotions, are intertwined. A thought can give rise to a feeling, and a feeling can give rise to a thought. Underlying beliefs, often unconscious, give rise to both thoughts and feelings

Beliefs, thoughts and feelings are the filter through which we experience our life.

All the circumstances, everything that happens to us, all the people we come in contact with, everything… is experienced through the filter of our beliefs, thoughts and our feelings about the circumstances, the happenings, the people, the everything.

This combination of external reality and internal reality creates your ULTIMATE REALITY.

Two things, intertwined, inseparable from each other.

What this means is that if your internal reality changes – ie. your beliefs, thoughts and feelings – then the sum of your reality will change, but not the relative external reality. Because the sum of your reality has changed, the choices you make will change, and then the external reality will also change, because you’re steering your ship in a new direction.

I like maths, love it in fact, always have. Maths makes things make sense.

Here’s my math on this.

Beliefs (b) + Thoughts (t) + feelings (f) = Internal Reality (IR)

Circumstances (c) + people (p) = External Reality (ER)

BIR + ER = Ultimate Reality (UR) or, more complex (b+t+f)+(c+p)=UR

Change any input in these equations and you’ll change the end result – you’ll change UR.

Lets put this in a real world example.

Stupid Secret Thinking, envisioning the future:

• You want more money because you want to be rich.
• You positively think about receiving large sums of cash. You use various manifesting methods. You do a vision board with money on it. You dream about being rich.
• You feel what it would be like to have a lot of money in the bank.
• You wait patiently for the money to arrive, and when it doesn’t wonder what you did wrong. You feel, in your wanting, just how damn lacking you truly are.

Smarter Thinking, working with what IS:

• You want more money because you want to be rich.
• You ask yourself why you want to be rich.
• You realise it’s because you feel like you deserve some luxuries in your life because you’ve been working so hard.
• You take a look at your life to see where you’re already experiencing luxury. You look at where you could treat yourself even more. You ask yourself what luxuries are possible right now. You search out luxuries that are possible on your budget.
• You begin to treat yourself on a regular basis to things that make you feel good – like long hot baths with bath salts, afternoon walks in the sun by the beach, and a red rose once a week.
• You notice, in astonishment, that you feel rich, because you’re meeting your need to treat yourself ever now and then with a luxury.
• You’ve successfully inquired into your thoughts and feelings, using the knowledge gained to change the way you perceive your current reality, and made new choices which changed that reality and therefore changed the way you feel.

That is the big difference between creating your reality, and creating your experience of your reality.

The first is externally focused, hoping and wishing that using the right magical thoughts or feeling will make something happen ‘out there’.

The second is internally focused, making choices and actions that met the underlying needs creating the desiring wants.

The first is future-focused, hoping and wishing that something will happen in the future.

The second is now-focused, working with what is right now.

Is this even true? I have no idea. This is just one way to look at reality to make some sense out of it and therefore chose how to be. The real question is, does it work?

For me, yes it does, as you can read about it articles like this:

• How identifying with NOT being something also causes great misery
• There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need fixing
• A tale of Mat Resistance, and practicing anyway

In all of these cases, I notice my misery, I notice the beliefs, thoughts and feelings that are giving rise to that misery, and I work directly with those beliefs, thoughts and feelings – not be attempting to change them, fix them or heal them. But simply by bringing awareness to them, and allowing that  to create change, or not.

Every now and then, I too get side-tracked. I notice misery and begin to focus on changing my external reality as a way of shifting my ultimate reality. It’s subtle, but you can see this at work in this article:

• I’m only woman when there should be man as well

Usually, I catch myself within a few weeks, and turn towards the true source of my misery – that which lies inside me.

It’s easy to see how this process can be subverted – how easy it can be to think that our beliefs, thoughts and feelings create our reality, so therefore if we’re not rich, or successful, or thin or something, there’s something wrong with us. We begin to think that if we just had the right manifesting technique or tool, or thought the right things, we could fix ourselves and our life.

It’s a folly.

Our external reality, in this moment, is fixed.

Our response to that external reality is fluid.

Accept the fixed.

Work with the fluid.

See what arises in that space.

I dare you.

Avoiding motherhood – causes misery when one is actually a mother

By Kara-Leah Grant, Musings from the Mat

It’s 7am and I’ve been up for half an hour. Child-free time and totally blissful. Made even more so because since I returned from my book tour I’ve had no childcare at all.

When my lovely Porse childcare woman told me she was stopping work to have a second child, I could feel part of me wanting to panic.

“No, you can’t! I need childcare. I’m a single mum with a start-up business who’s just written a book! What am I going to do?”

After all, I live in Glenorchy, population 400, this is – or was – the only childcare option in town. There is nothing else.

I noted the drama, and deliberately took time instead to let go of the stories of the mind and feel into the experience. What I discovered was a small voice inside saying:

This is an opportunity.

Now I know what that small voice meant.

Hitting the road for four weeks with a child in tow was an exhausting experience.

It brought up all kinds of feelings and issues around motherhood and parenting and working.

By the end of it, I realised I was living an illusion. I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t take care of my child full-time, and work on a home business, and take care of myself. I’d been sacrificing myself for months and I’d used up all of my reserves, which was affecting the way I was parenting.

Coming back to GY with no childcare in sight I realised that only choiceI could make was to give it all up. To totally surrender to what was and simply be a full-time Mum.

Difficult for someone who’s spent the last three years avoiding that reality. Hell, two weeks after Samuel was born I was busy re-branding my website from PranaflowNZ into The Yoga Lunchbox. Other mothers were awed and asked how I managed to do it all.

There was nothing to be awed at – it’s the result of denying an aspect of Self, of avoiding something – of avoiding motherhood. I’ve had endless energy available to avoid that.

I was driven by the desire to be not-just-a-mother, and I was driven by a strong desire to be financially independent. 

But on the book tour, I was miserable and depressed and so inevitably there was lots of emotional processing going on. Fortunately, I don’t get too hung up on the misery/depressed/emotional processing game anymore. I know it’s just a part of the cycle and inevitably leads to a new understanding and insight.

I knew I had to look at motherhood and working and guilt, and stop avoiding the whole shebang.

So I stayed the process, and got to the point where I knew I had to give up work – or at least, working as I have been.

My child is three and a half – there’s only a year and a half before he starts school. He’ll never be this young again and time moves fast. If I could get over my ideas and beliefs around motherhood, I could just relax and enjoy hanging out with him. I could be a better mother.

So that’s what I’ve done.

I’ve tossed it all in.

No more working 30+ hours on this website and my book and teaching yoga and and and… Instead, I parent.

Lego. Park. Beach. Reading books. Drawing.

And half an hour of work maximum when my son goes to bed, and maybe an hour at most during the day when he’s playing. Things like packaging up books to post off and scheduling articles. Only the crucial things. I’m getting good at saying no, and I’ve reduced the number of articles I’m publishing on the website from three to two a week.

I am now a mother. Or at least, I am now playing the role of mother to my fullest capability.

And it doesn’t suck.

This fear I’ve always had of dropping into motherhood... of losing myself, of being bored, or not existing, or something… That fear? Disappeared completely.

Now that fear doesn’t exist, because those old ideas and beliefs have been excavated, seen for what they are – just ideas and beliefs – and sent packing. It’s immensely freeing. I can just play the role of mother, rather than have ideas about mothering, or ideas about not being a mother.

I can see too how the article I wrote a month or so ago called I’m only woman when there should be man too was a desperate attempt to hold on to the status quo – which wasn’t working – by fixing it. I was feeling that misery and depression and frantically looked around outside of myself for something that could make it go away – and fixated in this case on a man.

A-ha! If I wasn’t a single parent, I wouldn’t feel like this. I need a man!

Folly. Pure folly. Because I am a single parent and I don’t have a man right now. Fixating on something outside of myself to make the situation different is a subtle way of avoiding the truth of the moment. It took another four weeks or so to dive deeper into that truth and understand.

But I get it now.

And I’m over it. I don’t care anymore – about mothering or not mothering. Life is what it is. I’m called to mother at this time. It’s only ever my ideas and beliefs creating drama and angst around it. I’ve let go.

I’m called. I’ll serve.

All the while finding ways to still write – like getting up early and straight on to the computer. Because I enjoy writing, and I enjoy writing in peace.

And you know what?

I feel free. Liberated. In the moment. And joyous.

Which is exactly the energy I’m able to bring into my parenting… minus the stress and angst caused by trying to do it all. Makes mothering way more fun and rewarding because I have more to give to it.

Fancy that?

by guest author Swami Karma Karuna, Anahata Retreat Centre

“A gracious woman respects herself and others. Her inner strength radiates a divine light that transforms and supports everything around her.”

What does sacred feminine mean?

Writing about the topic of Sacred Feminine inspired me to reevaluate what it means to me and question how others view this subject?

And what does this have to do with yoga anyways?

I looked up “Sacred Feminine” on the internet as one does in the twenty first century! And much to my surprise, the first listings talked about an extreme feminist view, which propagates women as superior to men, sexual dominance of women over men and expressed it as a religious movement.

This didn’t sit well with me at all nor come close to my view of the topic.

Some listings talked about Goddess worship, others Mary Magdalene and the Bible and a variety in between. So what began as one article has now turned into four as I explore yoga and the sacred feminine with associated practices.

When I think of sacred feminine, like all topics, I can only relate the concept to my own life.

To my experience as a mother, a wife, a female sannyasin and in relation to the different roles I have played from leadership positions to subservient roles.

I had to remember my teenage years in which I expressed both a wild maiden, raw with sensual energy, and a tomboy, skiing, rock climbing and mountain biking, with some of the best in male dominated sports. All of these parts of my life have unveiled strengths and weaknesses, patterns of mind and body held unconsciously, inner discoveries which humble and empower me.

The myriad of experiences have helped me to grow and to develop compassion, and yes allowed the reconnection to what I have come to call the sacred feminine.

As one grows up, no matter which country or culture, religion, set of guardians or schools attended, each of us is inundated with millions of impressions, which in yoga are called samskaras or the seeds that form the glasses by which the world is viewed and experienced.

These seeds are hiding in the soil of the unconscious mind, influencing choices in life, the actions and reactions, type of jobs taken and who is considered a friend or foe. These impressions can be positive or negative but nevertheless; they are strong factors, which shape the entire life.

As a woman or a man, there are undeniable archetypes and societal impressions that one grows up with.

It is long proven that people talk to baby girls in a different tone of voice than baby boys thus forming certain imprints even from birth. Media is rife with sexual stereotypes and unconsciously we compare ourselves to a fabricated image of what a woman or man SHOULD be, which is culturally and socially defined.

Despite the huge steps forward in the fight for equality, as a whole, women are still not given equal opportunity for education, they are paid less for similar jobs, are not as represented in upper level government and business roles and continue to be the target of violence. These factors influence women at a subtle level, whether aware of it or not.

Furthermore, in this bid for equality, somehow many have lost the inner connection and appreciation for the feminine self.

There is no longer time and certainly not respect for the incredible energy it takes to raise the next generation to be responsible and balanced citizens. In modern society young people often are left without positive female or male role models and are highly influenced by media and technology, thus further heightening the imbalance in the world.

Many women have had to over-enhance their masculine qualities to take steps up in the ladder of life and feel that by trying to “do it all” there is no chance to find a breath of air to connect to the self or a way to hold the balance between home life, social life and education or career.

Frankly speaking, we have lost touch with our inner selves and frequently it is only when life circumstances force one to take stock; such as death of someone close, accident, illness, mental breakdown, loss of a job or difficulty within the family, that we realize just how far out of balance we are.

The sacred feminine and yoga uses the tools of yoga to get reacquainted with the self.

One learns practices that support and balance one at a physical and mental level. One has to start by evaluating life to see if it is working or not.

• What are the strengths and weaknesses, aims and needs in life at a physical, mental and emotional level?
• Which attitudes are supportive and helpful and which ones need to be thrown out?
• Is there honour and love for the self as is?
• Or is the view of self constantly seen with imperfections in comparison to the media image of a 15-year-old airbrushed model in Vogue?
• Where is the energy blocked or flowing in the body?
• Is life being lived for everyone else or have the personal dreams and visions also been included?
• How can all the different roles that need to be played stay balanced?

It is only by asking these types of questions and looking inwards with honesty that one can begin to see the unconscious attitudes that are shaping the life experiences and thus begin to make positive changes. As the inner knowing develops, then the appropriate practices, which enhance health, balance and well-being can be used.

The physiological structures of men and women are different and even the way men and women process information has been proven to be distinctive.

Thus the health challenges and mental issues faced are also distinctive. Although most practices suit both men and women, some are particularly beneficial for a woman’s body and mind or particular life stage. Furthermore, the practices may need to be done in a different way to get the best benefits.

The tools included in sacred feminine and yoga encourage the development of qualities already within; wisdom, intuition, strength and compassion. These expressions of the sacred feminine are depicted in different images and symbols in cultures around the world from Mother Mary to Indian Goddesses to the Earth Mother herself.

When used in ritual, the ancient expressions can inspire women to connect with inner qualities, which already exist, but may have been shrouded over by the socialization or scarring from life’s experiences.

Sacred Feminine honors the gathering of a circle of women.

People sometimes ask why men are excluded. I feel it is equally important that the sacred masculine be discussed and unveiled. Both men and women need to find a balance between masculine and feminine qualities within.

Ultimately, every individual is made of two forces feminine and masculine which need to be balanced. The word yoga means “union” and finally, it is the balancing of these two forces within that creates the experience of wholeness.

However, currently each man or woman holds many layers of social, religious and family views as well as scars formed over centuries, which influence the communication and ability to be honest and clear with each other.

Therefore one way, but not the only way, to discover and begin the process of peeling away the layers is within a same sex circle where a feeling of safety and honesty is created. In a space such as this, one can understand and discover the deeper layers and patterns held as a cultural norm and begin the process of discarding what is no longer helpful.

There is also an innate feeling of support, which is like spokes on a wheel, with each spoke supporting the other so the wheel can turn.

With the use of different yoga tools, positive attributes are uncovered, the skill of knowing what is needed for the self and when develops, the health increases and there is the ability to approach life in a more balanced way.

When there is more balance, then no matter what role a woman plays, whether CEO, mother, daughter, sports enthusiast, counsellor, disciplinary or anything else, will be done to the highest possible expression. Eventually the inner energy begins to overflow and is available to support others, both within the immediate circles and within greater society.

Over time, I envision not just the Sacred Feminine but the Sacred Human as we begin to operate closer to the highest self…

To discover and experience this divine feminine energy shared between women, why not join Swami Karma Karuna on one of her upcoming Sacred Feminine weekend retreats. There is one in Takaka, Golden Bay over the Mother’s Day weekend and another one in Aio Wira, Auckland over the Queen’s Birthday weekend.

Stayed tuned for upcoming articles:

• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 2-It’s all about Balance
• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 3-Honouring the forces within
• Sacred Feminine and Yoga Part 4-Practical tools

About Swami Karma Karuna

She is a founding member and director of Anahata Yoga Retreat, New Zealand, and a dedicated, intuitive yoga teacher with years of experience working with a wide range of people. From an early age, she traveled exploring diverse spiritual traditions; finally dedicating herself to the yogic path, guided by Swami Niranjanananda Saraswati, world-wide head of the Satyananda Yoga Movement.

Swami Karma Karuna has received yoga training in Nepal, India and Australia. She spends 3 months each year living and teaching in India at the home and sadhana place of Swami Satyananda.For more information on these guided yoga retreats to India and the World Yoga Convention in Bihar click here.

She also travels internationally part of the year, committed to sharing Yoga Solutions for Life™ – simple & powerful techniques for transformation. Swami Karma Karuna specialises in women’s health. By blending yogic lifestyle and Sannyasa tradition with motherhood, she brings a unique and practical approach, inspiring the integration of yogic principles into everyday activities.

“A gracious woman respects herself and others. Her inner strength radiates a divine light that transforms and supports everything around her.“