The Yuman Condition

MySpace to the future

2008-01-31T13:40:00.000-05:00

-Apparently, yesterday was International Delete Your MySpace Account Day. I had no idea, though I also never had a MySpace account. For many of the reasons mentioned in the article, it never appealed to me to get one in the first place. Does that make me the earliest adopter possible? Can you be part of a movement that you didn't know about to not have a MySpace account by never having had one in the past? What a trip.

-After finding out about that Indian kidney theft ring, I am terrified that every time I get into a car or doze on the subway that I'm going to get my kidney stolen. Though more than that, after reading World War Z, the dangers of organ theft and undocumented transplant are just one more reminder of how vulnerable we are to the spread of a super-virulent virus strain that will turn us all into zombies. That's what I'm really afraid of.

-Go back and check out "X-Men 3" for a cameo from the girl from "Juno," who plays Shadowcat. The X-Men movies could try to cash in on her fame by doing that whole storyline about the X-Men in the future or an alternate present or something and only Shadowcat can tell what's happening, which could be pretty interesting, but as you can tell, I couldn't even really tell you what the general idea is, so it might be a little hard to follow. Also, she won't have a cheeseburger phone.

January megapost

2008-01-23T17:08:00.000-05:00

Well, quite a while off for me wasn't it? Sorry to the 3 or 4 people a week that kept coming back over the holidays and throughout this frigid January, I'm rested and relaxed and I'm back swinging. I'm trying out polls on the site, check out the side and give a little vote.

-I tend to consider myself a sophisticated consumer of media, at least in television shows I watch regularly. I take pride in how much I like '30 Rock' and my preference for the BBC version of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (Fox's version is so annoying by comparison). Unfortunately, the writers' strike has reduced me to residing in occupied territory: The biggest things I've been watching lately are 'The Sarah Connor Chronicles' and, sadly, ashamedly, giving into this season of 'American Idol' (if you didn't see Brother Guy, check it out. Fast forward to 1:39 for his audition, but it's worth watching the whole thing).

What I'm trying to say is, I think of a lot of things in terms of Terminator these days. Is the Macbook Air sent from the future? When will Google unroll Google brain, which will write its own applications, hack Facebook, take control of Earth's satellite network and become SkyNet? So you can imagine my sense of impending dread when people talk about cameras you implant in your eyes. I do not look forward to a future where machines see what I see... unless machines like watching a lot of baseball. Then I guess we're cool.

-The college movie downloading numbers are much lower than they thought. What a shock.

-Speaking of ridiculous people, a great article on Morgan Spurlock's new movie is in Variety. From the guy who brought you 'I'm going to eat McDonalds every meal, think anything bad will happen to me' comes 'Where in the World is Osama bin Laden.' The review includes such colorful prose as "Wandering from Muslim country to Muslim country, he sets out to validate his premise that Arabs are just like us, or at least more like us than they are like bin Laden. This is not hard to prove, since Spurlock has no method and no accountability." Morgan Spurlock does seem to mean well, but I really can't suspend my disbelief.

-I have a few crazy friends that are participating in an amazing contest entitled Manuary Madness, a grueling decathlon to crown Boston's greatest alpha male. So far they've completed the events "Craigslist Personals," "Sudoku in a Steam Room," and "Push Jeff's Car." There's a great video of them pushing a car through a back alley, one of them dressed as if it's ESPN's World's Strongest Man Competition. Event Four, "BAC 0.18%," takes place this Saturday, stay tuned to their website for results and pictures. Personally, I look forward to their completion of the Milk Pong event.

-Monday's 'Daily Show' was actually pretty good, I'd say best one of the strike era so far. The interview with the editor from Newsweek is a classic Jon Stewart gem about the nature of media:

Hope that gets you by, check ya later.

We're a man and a talking supercomputer inside a car. And we kinda like each other.

2007-12-20T00:27:00.000-05:00

-Will Arnett will be the voice of the Knight Rider car. No word on whether he will accept a role in 30 years as the life mentor for the titular character on 'Newly Activated Robot Initiates Contact With Mainframe.'

-What we do on NBC echoes in enternity. Wait till you get to photo #10. Nobody makes Wolf bleed his own blood.

-For all those Jumbos out there, NQR made it onto the Sports Illustrated college website. Maybe next time it will even be for sports. Or the illustration of sports. Naked sports. What?

-Schoolhouse Rock Live exists.

-The only thing scarier than the idea of dinosaurs getting loose in an island theme park is the idea of robot dinosaurs getting loose in a mainland theme park. As the Engaget article notes: "The dinos will contain embedded potentiometers and motion sensors (amongst others), apparently allowing the reptilian re-creations to follow visitors with their eyes, track specific colors of clothing, regulate their own movements, and even lunge at viewers... then eat them."

-I read an alarming article in the Washington Post about radiation streams coming out of black holes and shooting across galaxies. Despite the veneer of journalism and scientific restraint, I got everything i was supposed to out of it: Space aliens from another dimension are shooting particle cannons at their carbon-based enemies, and Earth could be next. They may or may not be the Protoss. The Post did not address it.

That's all until the new year, I'm out for awhile. See ya on the flip side.

The Darth Vinci Code?

2007-12-07T00:34:00.000-05:00

-From eavesdropping on Facebook, this image. Blows the mind.

-In keeping with the religious theme, Pac-Man is not to be outdone.

-The charitable fellows at Minty Fresh, Ezra Furman and the Harpoons' record label, have been hit with the holiday spirit and are giving away his album for download on their website. It was a one week only thing that expired a while ago, but it looks like it still works.

-The decidedly un-charitable fellows who came up with the upcoming NBC show "Baby Borrowing" will be picking up the time slot left empty when American Gladiators ends its run. I say un-charitable because who would do this to a baby: 'When "Gladiator" wraps its run, it will be replaced by "Baby Borrowers," which premieres Monday, Feb. 18. Based on a Blighty format, skein puts real babies in the care of rowdy teenagers in an attempt to teach the teens a lesson in responsibility (Daily Variety, March 12).' Actually, I think an earlier version of this show might be how David Spade ended up how he did. Maybe when Hulk Hogan is done hosting gladiators, he'll jump over to this show and relive his 'Mr. Nanny' days.

-Tell true stories, folks.

Yoda has a Mii face

2007-11-26T00:03:00.000-05:00

-'Grinch' is back on Broadway. Hopefully the children have stopped crying.

-Scary article about botched lethal injections. This is a dark side of America along the lines of those Fast Food Nation chapters about dangerously undertrained workers in slaughterhouses. Except these people are in charge of killing humans. No one wants to think about the guy that gives the shot, and evidently, no one wants to train him to know anything about biology either. Morbid.

-Something a little easier on the psyche: I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi like my father. Press A and B to begin.

The Strike Goes On

2007-11-20T23:42:00.000-05:00

http://unitedhollywood.blogspot.com/

-In solidarity with the strikes going on around the entertainment industry, my cable stopped working for about a week. Quite a logistical and psychic problem for me, I can tell you; how am I going to keep up with how the Eurythmics' version of Winter Wonderland is doing?

-Joining the WGA on the picket line recently is Local One, the stagehands' union on Broadway, as I'm sure you know by now. Hilariously (or perhaps depressingly), the dominant image from the news coverage so far has been sobbing children that came to the city to see "Grinch," which is now dark. Crying kids, I guess, make for better copy than reasons for the work stoppage (it's not more money, but the various jobs mandated on union shows, like requiring flymen on all union shows, as far as my set-building housemate tells me). As much as they can, the shows try to go on for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

-After weeks of television gone dark, the first bigtime movies are getting hit by the strike. "Angels and Demons" has been pushed back to 2009, and Oliver Stone's project on the My Lai Massacre has postponed production (can't say I'll be disappointed not to see that one ASAP after the last Stone film I saw, "Alexander." When the director's cut is actually shorter than the theatrical version, there's nothing to be said). Next to go might be the news and promo writers at CBS, who have been astonishingly working without a contract for 2 1/2 years. In the ongoing wrinkled relationship between the writers' guild and the directors' guild, the DGA quietly cut a new deal with the networks.

-Not everything in media is a downer. I was inspired, though sad I didn't find out soon enough to get tickets, to hear about SNL's underground show at the Upright Citizen's Brigade last weekend. Michael Cera hosted, and I bet it was way more awesome than any episode of SNL that made it to television in recent years.

This show is the kind of thing that makes me feel good about entertainment, especially the industry, that with all the dues-paying and creative rules and crazy life, there are still personalities out there that produce because they just have to, they have to write and perform and just get it out there because what's in your head has to be shared. I'm totally getting Majors sense memories right now.

-One film I will be looking forward to is In Bruges, the first feature from Martin McDonagh, playwright of amazingly twisted "The Pillowman." One of the problems, of course, with staying so connected to media news and film festival stuff is that I get excited about stuff like this and Juno and who knows how long it could be before they come to theaters near me. Not to mention all the news about the Eurythmics.

-Courtesy of my friend David, the reality show that boils down all the extraneous parts: Kenny vs. Spenny. Trey Parker and Matt Stone bring these Canadian housemates to Comedy Central, where they battle every episode in absurd challenges. Spenny tends to go about the challenge in the normal way, while Kenny tries the most insane way to win he can think of. Here's them trying to see who can stay naked the longest:

I've only seen one episode, but it was great. They were competing to see who could eat the most meat in three days or something. Spenny kept eating more and more turkey, while Kenny tried to win by grossing out Spenny; he started off with cow tongue and never looked back. At one point, he put water, hot dogs, sausage, and bacon into a blender and then tried to drink it. Cubby also saw that episode, and gave it as ringing of an endorsement as I've ever heard: "I almost threw up." Hope that image sends you to Thanksgiving with a bang!

Striiiiiiiike

2007-11-06T22:54:00.000-05:00

-There seems to be a lot of media attention on what public perception is going to be about the WGA strike. Do ordinary people understand what's happening? Won't they just think it's a bunch of spoiled people throwing a fit for scraps of money when they get paid tons already to not do brain surgery, but write tv shows? Well sure, but here's a short tutorial on the issue. Plus, I don't think anyone would think of, say, teachers, as spoiled brats if community college principals or something started webcasting classes and charged money for online courses without paying the teachers a share of the new revenue. Your salary could be 30k or 300k, working for less money than you earned still tastes the same in your mouth. This gets at a much bigger issue of most people thinking writing well, or at least consistently, is easy. It isn't.

-If the strike has you unhappy with your run of the mill rerun, check out something I bet you haven't seen: here's a clip from the short-lived Bravo show ASSSSCAT, a veriable all-star team of comedians on a show before its time. Think of it more as a deep track from a band you love rather than a rerun; plus, this show probably would still be able to go on if it was still on the air. No one writes improv, yo.

-Reality TV isn't all un-talent shows and whore-offs: The N is coming out with a reality show about high school kids who compete in community-based challenges. Who knows how good it will be, only time will tell, but at least someone out there is trying, right?

-Lastly, I don't actually think this is that great, but how can you turn down an article titled Wiener Takes All: A Dogumentary.

2007-11-05T19:35:00.000-05:00

Look for the union label

2007-11-05T01:32:00.000-05:00

According to the New York Times, the WGA strike has begun. Here's an overview of what may be happening to television soon (you may have to learn to live without your moment of zen for a while).

Last Thursday, Jon Stewart summed it up, as he tends to do. David Letterman stockpiled material to tide us over.

What does this mean for you, the average person? For starters, I fully expect everyone I know to start spending hours a day reading my blog now that there's nothing on tv (television is, I'm sure, the only reason why I don't have a mass market fan base, which I now expect to appear instantly). I will do my best to entertain you. For starters, you can check out my friend Max's entertainment/atheism/ridiculous pictures blog, The Popcorn Gallery, along with the few other links in my friends section on the side there. More to come, and watch out for those picket lines.

They say the user lives outside the Net...

2007-10-24T11:48:00.000-04:00

-The day after the Red Sox won the ALCS, I was watching ESPN, and they teased "The Rock 'em Sock 'em World Series." Amazing. It grounds my faith in a better tomorrow that there is at least one person in a writing position at ESPN that is still versed in silent movie era slang, and found maybe the perfect place to use that knowledge.

Yesterday I was curious if there was anywhere fun I could watch the games in New York, presumably enemy territory for the sox. I typed "red sox bar" into Yahoo, and the new Yahoo search thing brought up "Red Sox Bars in NYC." The Internet... it's, learning...

-Speaking of, anyone looking for a return to a simpler time when all we had on the world wide web was annoying preteens on AOL chatrooms, remember Reboot? I used to watch this show on Saturday morning cartoons and actually thought that in the future, we'd all look like that and play 3D pong with forcefields on our hands for fun.

I still think that.

-MTV Israel has launched: "MTV Israel provides local auds with indigenous fare plus tried-and-tested shows from the MTV stable such as “Punk’d,” “Pimp My Ride,” “Beavis and Butt-head” and “The Virgin Diaries,” all translated into Hebrew.... Next month Dubai-based MTV Arabia will bow in partnership with the Arab Media Group." In case Israelis had any question about Judaism in America, now they can watch "My Super Sweet Sixteen" and sleep easier. Also, I hope they convince Flava Flav to do another "Flavor of Love" in Dubai. Because that would ease cultural tensions.

-How did "Cavemen" outlast the show with Hugh Jackman? That's right, that happened. I guess I have a more important question though: How in the world is "Cavemen" a show, but Tiny House isn't a show?? Yes, I am a member of that Facebook group, because my indignation is true.

In case any of you have forgotten, "Cavemen" as a weekly show that is basically a half-hour commercial has rich roots in another show that I used to watch on Saturday morning, and that show would be Captain N: The Game Master. The age-old story of an outsider sent to videoland to fulfill the prophecy and save popular Nintendo characters. A pivotal episode later in the series is the appearance of a mysterious Slimer-like character known only as The Game Boy. What an amazing time the 80s were.

You'll get caught up in the...

2007-10-18T00:13:00.000-04:00

-I think it would be hilarious if Dane Cook found another October, perhaps as the first person to travel to a parallel universe. You'd have a real boy who cried wolf scenario.

-I tend not to be up on music in general, and as such, I won't be doing this often, but check out Ezra Furman and the Harpoons. I can't really convince you with all that pop/rock folk wave indie pre post stuff, but they're great. Ezra still goes to Tufts, I'd never heard his music till I went back and visited school this past weekend, and there's really something there that's worth taking a listen. The review on iTunes says that 99 times out of 100 people who are called the next Bob Dylan are wrong, but that Ezra's first album could be "taken straight out of a texbook of Dylanology 101."

-News I saw while building furniture for my apartment / visiting Tufts: Hulk Hogan will be hosting the new American Gladiators and both the Star Wars and Terminator series are getting TV shows. I was worried that I would miss television while I waited for the apartment to get wired for cable, but it turns out television not only waited for me, it went back in time 20 years. Also, snap bracelets and the board game Crossfire are going to come back into fashion, and this shirt will replace the business suit:

There's only one Fall Classic, there's only one Yuman, and there're only two cities named Kansas City. Peace.

VidPost 2007

2007-10-09T23:12:00.000-04:00

Hi guys, I'll be back soon, I've been putting off posting due to some quality time with college friends and moving into my new apartment. Now if I can only work out this job thing, I might actually pass for a real person. To tide you over, check this stuff out:

-Swimming Lessons for Cats - A sketch from Mr. Mike's Mondo Video. For those that like a little avant garde with their comedy. You'll either burst out laughing or hate it.

-Dewick Rap - Another vid from my hallowed days in college, made by Dan and James in Dewick-MacPhie Dining Hall for YuTube, my senior project. This is around the time I decided puns on my name were fun.

-I don't know what made me think of this, but remember James Bond Jr.?

-Beer pong trick shots - It seems like they have to be fake in some way, but if not, it's amazing. These guys should probably go on tour and play beirut against generic terrible teams, like the Harlem Globetrotters of Beirut.

As I settle down in my new place I'll be able to get back into the groove of a regular schedule. Catch ya later.

All Dwight Long

2007-09-29T00:29:00.000-04:00

-The trailer for Juno is up, and I actually laughed when I watched it. Your standard teenage sex leads to unwanted pregnancy story, but with Michael Cera as the boy and Jason Bateman as the husband in a yuppie couple looking to adopt. Between what looks like a great cast and a story that works to their strengths, this might be one of those movies that flies slightly under the radar and ends up being greater than the sum of its parts. Everyone's favorite Schrute, Rainn Wilson, and underrated comedienne Alison Janney look great in a movie I look forward to seeing.

-Speaking of beet sales, Entertainment Weekly has great videos up of the two bigtime couples from 'The Office' giving you sneak peeks at what to expect from this season. FYI, Jon Krasinski does a great movie trailer voice.

-I'll be out couch-crashing in the city starting tomorrow, hopefully I'll still find time to post regularly, as I'm sure all 3 of my readers will be relieved to hear. Keep your fingers crossed that I find a place to call my own soon.

Tale as old as time

2007-09-27T00:02:00.000-04:00

-In this crazy ever-changing technocrat world, it's good to know that classics never die. Amongst all the modern tragedies of this thing we call life in the present day, it is immensely comforting to know that there will always be tales of "a single man fighting for justice with the help of his superadvanced car."

-I know what you're thinking, but he'll be busy. Think 'Entourage' meets 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' meets 'Hooked on a Feeling.'

Seems like it'd be cheaper to buy democracy than friends

2007-09-26T10:10:00.000-04:00

-Real estate developers will sometimes coin new names for the regions they’re building up, a marketing tactic to make them sound more attractive (like the East Village). Developers in Washington State are promoting an area they’ve renamed South Lake Union, including new public transportation they’ve put in, the South Lake Union Streetcar. Residents that are not so much in support of the developers have taken to calling it the South Lake Union Trolley. Wait for it…

-Just in case any of you end up in a situation where you have to stymie a horse. It turns out Mike Tyson was just trying to stop Evander from stampeding.

-The Autobots and Optimus President appear to have beaten the Californicons in the epic saga known as Transportation…ers. That was terrible, I'm sorry. It's an article about fuel emission standards.

-In case you were wondering, Microsoft pegs the value of Facebook at over $10 billion. Microsoft probably DOES know what a quail looks like, and I bet they COULD find something to put there. Look out for new groups like "Jimmy's Outlook 2007 broke, give him your .vcf files."

-If you have trouble wrapping your head around how much $10 billion is, it’s about 500 Magna Cartas. Marc Ecko is looking into buying this copy to either donate to the Smithsonian, blast it into space, or brand it with a picture of the British East India Company.

Was that picture with J Edgar Hoover really worth it?

2007-09-20T01:08:00.000-04:00

OJ Simpson was released on bail today, the latest development in this whole sports memorabilia heist story (yes one of the items was a picture of OJ and J Edgar). Apparently OJ put together a team of guys for this caper, complete with an inside man that would pose as a collector who was supposed to let him in during the deal. This guy was “shocked when Simpson showed up to the Palace Station Hotel and Casino with ‘two white guys and six black guys.’" Wait, run the numbers on that… those guys, plus OJ, plus the inside man, going after a big stash…

THIS SUMMER

Brad Pitt: So, tell me what I’m doing here.
OJ: Ever been to Vegas?

THE JUICE
IS LOOSE

OJ: I need to get that stuff back, man.
Brad Pitt: Well, we’d need a number of guys working a combination of cons. I’d say you’re looking at a Walter Alexander, a Clarence Stewart, a reverse Michael McClinton, two Charles Cashmores, and a Thomas Riccio that would fool Houdini.

GET YOUR BLOODY GLOVES READY

OJ: Do you think we need one more? Ok, we’ll get one more. I think Kato’s still around.

OJ’S ELEVEN. COMING TO A 24-HOUR NEWS NETWORK NEAR YOU.

I'm accepting offers for distribution deals starting immediately.

This post is a Ron Darling

2007-09-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

-The number one movie in England this week is 'Run Fat Boy, Run,' David Schwimmer’s directorial debut. I was skeptical at first, but it does star Simon Pegg from 'Shaun of the Dead' and my alma mater's golden boy, Hank Azaria (every once in a while they still find pieces of clothing in the Tufts University Drama Department’s costume shop that says ‘Azaria’ on it). I saw the trailer, and it actually doesn’t look half bad. As long as there isn’t anything in the movie about porcelain dogs or being on a break, I bet it could be pretty entertaining.

-Primetime TV is getting shorter. Even with the rise of product placement and integrated marketing and all of that, commercial breaks are still getting longer. If a few minutes here or there doesn’t seem like that big a deal, think about the mass hysteria over the last few seconds of black at the end of the last episode of 'The Sopranos.' To be fair, the people who work on shows like 'Lost' and 'Heroes' don’t seem to have difficulty making engaging, plot-rich content, even in those shorter chunks of time in between commercial breaks… you know, the actual show.

-The Altlanta Falcons signed Byron Leftwich to a 2-year deal today, which reminds me of a fond and ridiculous memory of my time back at Tufts. Driving around by campus, my friend Jon always used to give directions by saying things such as “Go down past the parking lot and hang and Byron Leftwich, when you get to Davis Square take a David Wright onto College Ave.” Over the summer I was cruising the friendly streets of Medford, Mass with Cubby on one of those cool, still summer nights that make you feel like time might actually stop and you won’t have to move out and go earn a living, when my phone buzzed.

“Are you getting a Mark Teixeira?” said Cubby. At that moment I knew Tufts was in good hands.

I talked to Jon about the Falcons signing Leftwich, and his reaction was “he's got a job, that lucky asshole. I need one.” Tell me about it brother.

The Gilded Way Station

2007-09-16T19:29:00.000-04:00

-Well, here I am. The wet behind the ears college graduate, just on the cusp of making the real world’s acquaintance. After a summer delaying the inevitable, I have moved away from campus and down to New York to seek my fortune. Well, almost. I’m temporarily in a holding pattern about an hour away from the city, staying with relatives in Connecticut, deep in the heart of Stepford country. I have so far met a girl that got an iPhone for her sweet 16 and a woman who related to me that sadly, all the entertaining magazines are saying that appetizers are out. It’s a very incongruous place to spend time while I plan a move to some small apartment with a tight budget and a series of entry-level jobs with irregular hours and ridiculous tasks. One can only hope.

-Interesting story about an Iraqi film student in the documentary 'Operation Filmmaker,’ which showed at the Toronto Film Festival. How good intentions can lead to sticky situations, and as always, a cameo by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

-Every once in a while, there comes along a great name for a movie, tv show, etc that really guarantees you time/money well spent, even if you don’t know anything else about it. ‘Snakes on a Plane’ comes to mind. Here comes another one: 'Dragon Wars.' Also, the dragons shoot guns.

Watched the Sox-Yanks game on Fox yesterday:

-Andy Pettite announced the Yankees starting lineup, noting that today’s starting pitcher would be Chien-Ming Wang, or as Pettite calls him, “The Wanger.” What a hilarious experience it must be to hear Andy Pettite say, “Oh yeah, the Wanger’s throwing a great game. Check out the new glove on the Wanger. I’m doing a commercial with the Rocket and the Wanger. It’s for Dick’s Sporting Goods.”

-Dane Cook count (sightings in the broadcast booth, Actober commercials, ‘Good Luck Chuck’ commercials, plus number of times he is mentioned by the commentators): 10, or roughly once every 20 minutes. Dane Cook is the centerpiece of MLB’s postseason ad campaign, which I believe is really an elaborate setup for his next behind-the-scenes HBO series. It will take us through production of all the commercials for the campaign, cut together with little vignettes of how he convinced Major League Baseball that the sheer strength of his star power could draw scores of new viewers and not alienate any existing baseball fans with a smorgasbord of equally befuddling ads for rival teams. It will be called ‘Dane Cook’s AdGasm, guest starring Gary Gulman and the Milwaukee Brewers.’

-Saw that commercial for the new iPod Nano. I was talking to my boy Cubby when Apple made the announcement about it coming out, he took one look and remarked that it really should be named the iChode. I’m writing a note to Steve Jobs as we speak.

-So I’ve been thinking about starting this blog for a while now, and one roadblock that has really stopped me has been that I really wanted to include little web videos that I would make, once every so often. Essentially, it would serve as an outlet for some of my ideas as well as a way to justify to myself that I wasn’t doing a Sports Guy knockoff blog. Sadly, my hopes to acquire a camera with which to shoot them are currently hindered by such priorities as saving that money for anticipated rent. In the meantime, here is a video from YuTube, a sketch comedy TV show I started in college. I hope it is an adequate place holder until I can roll out the fresh material. Here this summer’s hottest new action film, ‘Everything Shoots Bullets.’

That’s all for now, catch you on the flipside. I’m gunna go hang out with the Wanger.