John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Director Roland Emmerich participate in an open and candid forum about the potential end of the world, and their new film 2012. The meandering of the forum ushered in topics such as Vicodin, dehydrated food pills, Elephants, The Queen of England, boxes of humanity, Noah’s arc, and so forth. I attempt to convince Chiwetel Ejiofor that we share the same birthday, award nominations, and life history. I also attempt to convince Roland Emmerich that they’ve worked together before and are friends. Much to my chagrin, Emmerich remembers that they do not know each other…yet. Worth a watch.

By: Eddie “Cube” Rawls

(Via BuzzFeed)

Finally, a preacher brave enough to tackle a problem cursing the body politic, our moral fabric, President Obama, and indeed, urinals caked on walls across the universe… peeing sitting down.

Reports are already leaking that Sarah Palin is set to stand up and agree on Facebook.

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Hundreds of fans stormed out of a Britney Spears performance in Perth, Australia, angered that the popstar was lip-syncing. In other news, LA Kings fans left the Staples Center because it was too cold.

Splinterheads releases today in NYC: premiere here and website here.

Splinterheads is easily one of the best films of the year. It’s funny, well written, and Thomas Middleditch, Rachel Taylor, and pretty much the entire cast deliver great performances.

Splinterheads is written and directed by Brant Serson, who’s done a magnificent job writing and directing. I was already a fan of his last film BLACKBALLED (with Rob Corddry, Paul Scheer, Rob Riggle, Ed Helms, Rob Heubel, Curtis Gwinn, and many more), and Splinterheads really resonated with me as well.

Serson has a unique ability to portray middle class slackers realistically. And that’s no easy feat. Most of Hollywood and many of the self-proclaimed Indy features I watch fail in depicting “regular” people. Not many folks can pull it off, but Serson succeeds. And it makes this film refreshingly fun to watch, funny, and authentic.

The story is about a twenty something slacker Justin Frost (played by Middleditch) that basically doesn’t do much of anything for a living beyond landscape architecting with his buddy Wayne (Jason Rogel). When he gets ripped off by a traveling carnival worker Galaxy (Rachel Taylor) he finds himself sucked into the carnival world through a series of random encounters, and he ends up falling for the girl and finding his world completely intertwined with the world and workers of the carnival, who call themselves the “Splinterheads”.

This is definitely a film more than worth seeing. Great story and great characters. Here’s the trailer:

Sometimes, you just have to accept these things as the truth.

By Eddie “Cube” Rawls

At 5:36 PM today, Paris Hilton really broke some news.

Feel free to challenge me in my upcoming MMA event.

1.)    “The National Lampoon Big Book of Boobs”
Each page features a showcase of different breasts from different countries around the world. We have Swedish boobs, Nigerian boobs and Canadian boobs (which are more like ham); just to name a few. All nipples of all nationalities. If there’s one thing we now that America wants – it’s cleavage. A rainbow of different chest appendages well lit to serve all your voyeuristic needs.

2.)    “Baked Beans”
Lampoon knows that none of our fans would like anything more than to sit down with a copy of Vacation, a can of beans, and a beer, then fart into their Laz-E-Boys to their hearts content. We understand your needs, and we provide accordingly.

3.)    “The new F. Scott Fitzgerald Novel”
Everyone’s been waiting for the next epic novel from Fitzgerald, but only Lampoon has it. “Vag-Patrol Goes To Sea” is a new genre for the fiction master (making his screenwriting debut). The film follows the story of three stoner-college kids as they attempt to make a boat out of fake vaginas. Paris Hilton stars as “The Captain” of the SS Poon. Get ready to hit the high seas and set sail for sexy, nude, ocean hi-jinx!

4.)    “Doorbells that Play Music”
I know the idea of the musical door-bell is not a new one; but we’ve added a twist on this old classic. Our musical door-bells will only play annoying music; music so annoying that you won’t even want to stay in your house. Just another gift from National Lampoon, to you – the American public.

5.)    “Non-Threatening Dinosaurs”
In order to appeal to our creationist demographic, Lampoon is now working on engineering “Christian-Friendly” dinosaurs. These dinosaurs will walk and talk like normal dinosaurs; however, they will also vehemently deny any existence pre-dating biblical history.

6.)    “Bowler Caps & Fedoras”
Through a detailed process of trend-setting and undercover-guerilla marketing, we are currently trying to return dress-hats to the common cultural-zeitgeist. So, rest easy, Old People; kids will be dressing in a manner you’re comfortable with very soon!

7.)    “National Lampoon’s History of the Nation”
We bring you the complete history of the United States – but, with added boobs, for good measure.

8.)    “Johnny: The Sarcastic Dog”
We felt it had been too long since there was a regular weekly comic strip about a sarcastic house pet; so, we bring you Johnny: The Sarcastic Dog. The character’s lovable quips and insatiable hunger for tacos will have you in stitches.

9.) “National Lampoon’s Bible”
Continuing our intellectual literature series, we bring you our take on the bible. It’s the regular bible – but all the characters are depicted as having giant, heaving bosoms.

10.)“Homeless Men With Insatiable Lust For Money”
At Lampoon, we’re in need of financing – desperately. That’s why we’ve hired people to go undercover as homeless people and constantly demand change from people as they pass by on the street. Through this practice we have achieved two things. One – we have a bank account entirely funded with coins. And, Two – we have bothered the general public to the point where they lust for, they need, base, guttural, primitive entertainment; entertainment like only National Lampoon can provide.

So, keep an eye out for these products – coming soon to a world near you.

Last night’s election results in states I do not reside left a huge impact on complex domestic and foreign issues alike.  Unquestionably, we can extrapolate the results of statewide elections and form one singular conclusion all nuclear physicists and political pundits can agree on as we march towards a more perfect union and world peace…

"Way To Go Maine! xoxo"

Carrie Prejean gets to keep her rack.  That is all.