I’ve had issues with anxiety and depression for a long time - most of my life, if I’m being honest, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever really dealt with it in a healthy way. I bottle up and disassociate, falling into books when I was younger and alcohol now, and then lashing out or breaking down when those tamped down feelings refused to stay under the surface any longer.

The good news is that I’m getting help. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve upped my anti-depressants, and recently I took a big step towards sobriety by asking for a prescription for Naltrexone, which is used to treat alcohol use disorder. The bad news is that I need to do more, because it’s not just what’s going on in my own head that’s getting me down - it’s the state of the whole fucking country.

I was devastated by the results of the election. That’s not an overstatement. I was in prep for my first bodybuilding competition during the 2024 campaign, and I fully thought that Kamala was going to win. We all saw the insanity and absurdity of the first Trump administration, so there was no way he’d be elected again. Right? …right? And then he was, and I was so angry. It felt like I personally had been betrayed, and that I could no longer trust in the goodness of people because they had knowingly chosen hatred, violence, and discrimination. Maybe the first time people could be forgiven because they didn’t understand what the consequences would be, but this time they knew. When we lost the election, it felt like we’d lost everything, and there was no stopping the tide of fascism from rolling in.

There were three things that finally broke me out of my funk.

1. I saw a TikTok from Jamelle Bouie about how the administration wants everyone who isn’t on their side to think that they’ve already won, because their power is still precarious. We are definitely sliding into fascism, but we’re Not There Yet, and that’s important.

   Jamelle Bouie Says Your Fear of Trump Is Not Helping

2. One Battle After Another. There are prescient movies, and then there are ones that feel downright prophetic. While Leonardo DiCaprio’s stoned former revolutionary Bob is at the center of the movie, the character that hit the hardest was Benicio Del Toro’s Sensei Sergio. The “Latino Harriet Tubman,” who comes through for Bob in a couple of key moments in the narrative, may be under attack, but he’s a beacon of hope and serenity in the otherwise chaotic landscape. He doesn’t throw bombs or plot to overthrow the government (at least as far as I can tell) - he simply gets down to the work of helping those that he can help, even if it means putting himself at risk.

3. I actually went out and protested. After months of inertia, feeling like nothing that I did mattered, I showed up at the local ICE detainment facility. I didn’t throw myself in front of the vans carrying detainees or get tear gassed or arrested, but I danced to the music that someone else was playing, and for the first time in a while I felt real joy.

I don’t know what’s next for Chicago, much less this country or this world. But I know that I’m not helpless, and even if my actions represent nothing more than a drop in the bucket, oceans are filled one drop at a time.

Well, now we’re taking that obsession to the next level! In partnership with MuscleNerdz, AlMarte Productions is bringing MuscleNerdz to Anime Magic.

Click here to sign up today!

One caveat I want to mention is that a lot of competitive sports are expensive, even at a very low level. People with kids probably know more about this than I do, but if your child plays hockey, you’re paying through the nose for team fees, equipment, travel costs, and maybe extra coaching. Bodybuilding is expensive, but I don’t think it’s uniquely expensive.

From my perspective, a lot of the costs associated with bodybuilding are, thankfully, optional. Below is a full breakdown of the typical costs of competing, and strategies for competing on a budget

NPC card: $150 per year

• You must have an NPC card in order to compete, so this is a required expense

• NPC cards are good for one calendar year, regardless of when you buy them; i.e., if I buy a card in 2025, it’s only good in 2025, even if I purchase it in December

  Show fees/registration: $100-300+ per Class

  • Another required expense

  • The fee is per class, so if you compete in Open, Novice, and Masters, for example, you’ll pay the fee for each class

  • Regional shows are usually at the lower end of that range, while national level shows can end up being $250 or even a bit more

  Gym membership: $30-$$$ per month

  • Not technically a requirement, but unless you’ve got a home gym it might be hard to get into competition shape without one

  • Some competitors have memberships at multiple gyms because of access needs

  Groceries: $200-$$$ per month

  • Everyone needs to eat, although obviously food costs can vary WILDLY

  • I keep my costs down by mostly buying “whole” foods that I prepare myself, and I shop around for inexpensive options

  • The less work you want to do, the more you’ll have to spend - if you do some kind of meal prep delivery you can easily spend $1000+ per month

  Supplements: $$?

  • The only supplements that I take are a daily multivitamin and creatine, so clearly I consider them optional, but I also can’t speak about them knowledgably

  • Research on most supps is sketchy at best, so I think it’s pretty goofy that people are shelling out hundreds for greens powder (maybe just eat some vegetables?), digestion aids, ashawaganda, and whatever else is trendy these days, but that’s just me

  Bodywork: $100+ per session

  • I didn’t even know this was a thing until this year, but apparently a lot of competitors get weekly massages!

  • I’d put this one in the optional pile, as there are plenty of free methods of recovery, but I’d probably do it too if I had that kind of money

  Coaching: $100-1000+ per month

  • Some people get multiple coaches for different aspects of their prep, so there are competitors who have a prep coach setting their protocols, a posing coach, and a personal trainer

  • I consider most coaching completely optional - if you don’t have a knowledge and you do have the money, sure, go nuts. But there’s so much fitness and nutrition content out there that anyone with half a brain and a shred of discipline could prep themselves for a show

  • Also, anyone can be a coach and take on clients, and as I mentioned in my last bodybuilding post, even some of the folks charging insanely high rates might literally kill you

  • One area where I did end up getting a coach this time around - posing. Posing is freaking HARD, and I need the help to get it right

Competition suit/bikini: $75-1000+

• You do have to get a specific cut of suit, so unfortunately you can’t just grab a $15 bikini from Target

• This is very DIYable, though! You can purchase a base suit and stone it yourself, which I did for my first show and am doing again! It is moderately time consuming, but so worth it for saving money

Heels: $30-150

• Clear heels with a 3+ inch heel are required for most women’s divisions

• I got an inexpensive pair off of Amazon that I dressed up with some crystals, but some brands are as much as $150

Midwest Gladiator, November 2024

NPC Card: $150

Show Fees: $125 x2

I did 2 classes, novice and open

Gym Membership: $40 per month

Groceries: $300~ per month

Supplements: $20

Bodywork: $0

Coaching: $0

Competition Suit: $200

This number is slightly misleading, as I bought one suit for $60 and fully stoned it for $30. I then decided I wanted a different color, so I bought another suit for $80 and stoned it for about $30. If I’d been more decisive I would have only spent about $100

Hair and Makeup: $15

I had to buy foundation and concealer in a darker color

Tanning: $50

Heels: $30

Photos: $90

Travel: $0

Total: $790-1130

The low end is if you only count my competition specific costs, while the higher number includes my groceries and gym membership

NPC Celsius Chicago Extravaganza, July 2025

NPC Card: $150

Show Fees: $140

I’m only doing one class this time

Gym Membership: $40 per month +$15x3

I’m seeing a posing coach (more on that below), so I’m paying for the occasional day pass at the gym where she does sessions

Groceries: $300~ per month

Supplements: $20

Bodywork: $120

I’ve been pushing things a bit harder during this prep, so I actually sprang for a massage recently to combat the soreness

Coaching: $50 per hour

I got a posing coach! There are all sorts of apps and services where you can get coaching on your posing, but I just emailed a local bodybuilding gym and asked if they had someone they recommend. I’ve had one session with Nikki so far, and I’m planning to go back for one or two more to make sure I’m ready for my show.

Competition Suit: $100

I totally could have worn one of my other suits, but I was dying to get a new one for this show. I can’t wait to finish stoning it! (Base suit purchased from LexiSuits via Etsy)

Hair and Makeup: $35

I’m doing my own makeup again (and still have the darker foundation left over from last time), but I did invest in a lace front wig so that my hair is long enough to cover my back.

Tanning: $40-140

I’m still on the fence about this one, but considering how my tan turned out last time, I might play it safe and have them do it for me this time. On the other hand, now I know what it’s supposed to look like, so I may just give it another go!

Heels: $0

Photos: $100~

I can’t actually find the pricing for the official photos, but I’m hoping it will be about what I paid last time.

Travel: $0

Total Costs: $915-1255

Even the way that I’m doing it, bodybuilding isn’t exactly cheap, but I’m proof that you don’t have to go into debt to do it either! With a little knowledge and willingness to take a risk, you can step on stage feeling proud that you built every inch of your “package” - isn’t that worth the effort?

I’ve done a bit of international travel since then - mostly to Colombia to visit my boyfriend’s family - but I’ve been itching to get back to Europe for a while now. Recently, Ahmed and I were finally able to make that happen, and we booked our tickets to Italy!

As a massive history nerd, I was incredibly excited to visit one of the true centers of the ancient world. While there’s plenty of history to be explored in England and Scandinavia and other places I’ve visited, there’s really nothing like a city that’s been continuously occupied for almost 3000 years. Just walking around, you sense the dense layers of history all around you - the monuments of empire, the winding streets and plastered buildings of the medieval period, the Renaissance and Baroque masterpieces. Everywhere you turn there’s some gorgeous piece of art or architecture; I only wish that we’d had a guide who could have told me all about… well, everything.

One of the highlights of the trip was our last full day in Rome. Ahmed had bought us togas, and we spent the entire day (well, evening, actually - allergies knocked me out for the early part of the day, but after some meds a nap we were back in business) running around in them, taking photos and getting both smiles and scowls from the locals. We even filmed a music video for Ahmed’s new song, attracting a crowd of enthusiastic teenagers who were delighted to meet a “rock star.” It was a great reminder that even when you’re trying to live your Dolce Vita fantasy, a Party City costume and a smile will always be a fun vibe.

Other highlights have to include discovering an amazing karaoke bar called La Saletta - we went there 3 nights in a row because the vibes were simply immaculate. The drinks were cheap, the bartenders were friendly (Prisca and Anka, I’ll never forget you), and everyone sang along to every song whether they knew it or not. If and when I make it back to Rome, it’s definitely going to be on the itinerary.

The second, shorter leg of the trip took us to Genoa, where we got to spend some time with Katarin, a friend of Ahmed’s who had moved there from Colombia. Hilariously, everyone (and I do mean everyone) told us how boring Genoa is (“Genoa? Who goes to Genoa? I mean… there’s an aquarium…”), but we found it delightful. Admittedly, we went really hard in Rome - we didn’t get home until after 3am our last night - so a relaxed couple of days hanging out with friends, sightseeing, and enjoying good food was exactly what we needed to finish off the trip.

I adored visiting Italy, and there were so many things I didn’t get to see that I can’t wait to go back again!

I keep going back and forth with myself about the decision. On the one hand, I love bodybuilding as a practice, going to the gym and pushing myself and having a specific goal to work towards. On the other hand, I think I hate bodybuilding as a sport. I’ve always described myself as ambivalent towards it, but the more I learn the more I think it’s kind of terrible.

Right now, one of the hot topics in the bodybuilding community is that there’s a chubby girl planning to compete in a couple of weeks. For some reason, this is incredibly triggering to folks, some of whom are “worried” for her (because she’s still fat 2 weeks out, so obviously she’s going to do some crazy crash diet to try and get “stage lean”) and some of whom are straight up offended that she’s going to hit the stage without having “earned” the right to do so.

Do people not realize that we’re all paying to be on that stage?

There is literally no barrier to entry except money. Anyone can compete, as long as you pay for your card and your entry fee.

In some ways, the “pay to play” aspect makes it almost egalitarian, since literally anyone can sign up and compete, but the amount of money to be made from competitors encourages some very perverse incentives.

Coaches, for example. If you decide to compete, most bodybuilders will tell you that you need to get a coach. Your coach is basically the god of prep - they tell you what to eat and when to eat it, how much cardio to do, what workouts to do. If your coach tells you to eat 1100 calories and do 90 minutes of cardio every day, you’re supposed to do it, even if you feel like dying, because apparently that’s just what prep is supposed to be. There are good coaches and bad coaches, and the difference between the two isn’t their methods, but their results - if you won, you had a good coach, regardless of any damage you might have done.

And that damage can be serious, especially if you use performance enhancing drugs (PEDs), which a lot of coaches push because you basically have to take them to be successful. Just a couple of months ago a 20 year old competitor died of a heart attack after taking diuretics. A few years before that, a competitor was on life support after being pushed to work out more than 2 hours a day while eating less than 1000 calories - and her coach is STILL one of the “top” in the industry.

Bodybuilders often take a lot of pride in the extreme measures they take to get stage ready, which is frankly terrifying to me. YOU DON’T EVEN WIN ANYTHING. Literally! Unless you win a pro show, the most you get is a medal or statue and some swag.

What qualifications do you need to be a coach? None, as far as I can tell. A lot of people go straight from their first competition right into coaching others, and that coaching is usually between $250-400 per month. If you’re doing a 5 month prep that’s up to $2000, and you better believe they’ll tell you that even in the off season you should keep your coach.

It’s very cult-like in a lot of respects, with all the indoctrination, isolation, and ostracization if you do anything “wrong” that you might expect from a cult.

And yet…

And yet…

I love it. My last prep was challenging for me, but no more so than sticking to any diet for months at a time. Watching my muscles start to pop as I leaned out, stoning my bikini, figuring out posing, even the tan. I still look at my stage shots and feel an incredible sense of pride that I Did That - not to mention that I get to tell people I’m a bodybuilder, which is just neat.

Ok, not gonna lie, part of it is also that my last competition was right before the election, so it feels a bit like that was my last happy moment before the world went to shit. That’s not the most rational reason to do another show, but it doesn’t have to be, I guess.

I’m doing a much shorter prep this time around, 10 weeks vs. 20, and I’m a little concerned that I’m not going to drop the weight on time. But… well, who gives a shit? I just want to be up on stage, sparkling under all those lights.

I hate to say it, but neither of these really hit with me. I started both of them because they were recommended on NPR’s Top Sci-Fi and Fantasy Books of 2024 list, but they proved to be a bit of a slog, although for very different reasons.

Nicked by MJ Anderson

I really wanted to like this. It’s got a lot of stuff that I’m usually pretty into - a well-researched historical setting, a knowingly arch and modern tone, plus a gay romance - but it never managed to pull me in, and I had to push to finish it.

Nicephorus is a retiring monk living in the Italian city of Bari in 1087. With plague ripping through the city, Nic is sent on a mission to steal the bones of St. Nicholas from a rival city with the help of the saint hunter Tyun and his crew, which includes men and women from across the medieval world, and, in a bit of magical realism, the dog-headed Reprobus, his second-in-command. As Tyun and Nic work together with both allies and enemies to steal the bones of the saint, something develops between them.

I minored in medieval studies in college and I’ve always found the time period interesting, especially when looked at from an alternative perspective. The setting was approached with interesting nuance, showcasing how many different factions were vying for power in the medieval period and how modern in thought people of the period could be, which I appreciated. We all think of ourselves as living in a modern age, after all, and bringing that sense of modernity reminded me a bit of how well A Knight’s Tale used pop music to illustrate how people of the time would have perceived the events of their lives. Making the character a devout believer, a monk, and a gay man is a reminder that queer people have always existed, and they have always had a place in society.

While I loved the idea of Nic and his relationship with Tyun, the book never quite managed to sell me on it. Maybe my gaydar is broken, but it felt like I was being told that they were falling in love rather than feeling their relationship develop myself, and it ended up feeling rather forced. I must also admit that I struggle to relate to male characters if there aren’t also interestingly written female characters as well (there were some, but they played very small roles), and I have similar issues with characters who are religious, especially if they’re Christian. Give me a devoutly Christian male protagonist and I find my eyes glazing over.

Final thoughts - while Nicked is an interesting and well-written standalone novel that I would recommend highly to certain friends, I personally struggled to connect with it. I may seek out other works from the author, though - Feed in particular seems like it might be more my speed.

I Was a Teenage Slasher by Stephen Graham Jones

Spoiler alert - I hated this one. It seemed like it would be fantastic - it’s a meta twist on the slasher narrative from the POV of the slasher, with the Scream-like touch of the protagonist and his best friend being extremely aware of the genre they’re in. While the premise is fun, the execution, sadly, is not.

I Was a Teenage Slasher is written like an autobiography, with Tolly Driver, the slaher in question, looking back on his murderous high school rampage with regret and trying hard not to revert to his killer ways. Tolly, unfortunately, is a total drip. His stream of consciousness narration is incredibly repetitive, full of regrets, recriminations, and reminiscence, mostly about his high school bestie Amber. Huge chunks of the book go by with no discernible action, just pages and pages of Tolly musing about how things might have all been different if he’d done [X] instead of [Y], or how much he misses Amber, or how hard it is to keep from killing again.

I’m usually a completeist, so typically once I start a book I have to know how it ends. About halfway through this one, though, I started aggressively skimming to try and just get through it, but I called it quits with a quarter of the book left. It just didn’t care anymore who he killed, or how, or why, or whatever else the book was going to try and give me, and life is too short and too filled with books I’ll enjoy more to keep slogging through one this boring.

Final thoughts - though the premise was intriguing, the book lacked energy and forward momentum, leaving me waiting for the violent action promised by the title.

They can’t all be winners, and that’s ok! I’m planning to make this an ongoing feature, so next month I’ll be checking back in with reviews of my newest acquisitions for the library - The City In Glass by Nghi Vo and Cameraman by Dana Stevens.

Hack Squats - 3x6-10 (increase weight each set)

Leg Extension Drop Set - 2xAMRAP (choose a moderately challenging weight to start and do as many reps as possible; drop to the next lowest weight and repeat 3x)

Day 2 - Pull (Back & Biceps + Shoulders)

Lat Pulldowns - 3x6-10 (increase weight each set)

Low Row - 3x8

21s - 3x7/7/7 (start with 7 partial reps in the lower range of motion, then 7 partial reps in the top range of motion, then 7 full reps)

Reverse Pec Deck - 3x10-12 (low weight; focus on using rear delts instead of mid-back)

Day 3 - Legs (Glutes and Hamstrings)

Leg Press - 3x10-12 (increase weight each set)

Squat Machine Good Mornings - 3x8

Glute Hyperextensions - 3x12 (light weight; pull yourself upright using only glutes, not engaging upper back)

Day 4 - Push (Chest & Triceps + Shoulders)

Bench Press - 5x5

Overhead Triceps Extensions - 3x6-10 (increase weight each set)

Cable Lateral Raises - 3x10

Day 5 - Legs (Glute Focused)

Bulgarian Split Squats - 3x10

Romanian Deadlifts - 3x10

Hip Thrust/Glute Bridge Superset - 3x10/10 (as heavy as you can go)

Abductions - 3x10/10 (first 10 lean back, then lean forward and pulse)

For better or for worse, I’ve largely quit social media.

To be honest, it’s mostly out of spite. I was annoyed with Zuck and Meta for bowing to Trump, and then when TikTok thanked Trump by name after briefly shutting down services, I decided that I was done with all of them. I deleted Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok off my phone, although I haven’t deleted or deactivated my accounts yet.

I’m still active on Reddit, and despite never really clicking with Twitter I did create a BlueSky account, which has been a fun place to post. I’ll try to update this account more regularly as well - with everyone hating on mainstream social media lately, maybe a return to old-fashioned blogging is just around the corner.

While not every nerd out there is covered in tattoos, the Venn diagram of anime lovers and tattoo enthusiasts might as well be a circle, so it makes sense for one one event to bring both subcultures together under one roof. The convention played host to 23 different artists and studios with a wide variety of styles, including everything from manga panels to original art to intricate hand-tapped traditional pieces. I was itching for a new tattoo to celebrate my first bodybuilding competition, so my boyfriend and I got matching Joestar Stars - they even have UV reactive ink so that they glow under black light!

As you might expect from a niche con in it’s first year, INK’d was on the smaller side, taking place across several floors of the Hyatt instead of the Rosemont Convention Center, where the mothership convention occurs. The smaller size didn’t diminish the fun, though - there were still a wide variety of activities for those not in the process of getting INK’d, including a performance from the delightful Oriana Peron, karaoke, a games room, and plenty of vendors to shop with.

Whether or not you’re looking for some new ink or just want another excuse to cosplay or people watch, Anime Magic INK’d is absolutely worth your time. I’m already saving up for the 2025 edition - after such an easy tattooing experience last year, I’m dying to get another amazing piece!

I think that first photo is my fave - my heel slipped as I hit my first pose, and I really thought I was going down for a split second! Priceless.

After 5 months of prep, this journey is finally at an end. It’s been a couple of weeks since the show, and I’m still processing everything. It was both more and less than I was expecting - it was thrilling to step out on stage, and I love looking at my photos and videos, but I’m not sure I would do it again. Despite my best efforts, I spent way more than I should have and got a little weird about food (I’m still struggling not to eat everything in sight sometimes), and I didn’t do nearly as well as I’d hoped (basically last place). On the other hand, I think I’d probably do a lot better now that I know more about what I’m doing, and where else am I going to wear the bikinis that I rhinestoned by hand? It’s kind of hilarious that I’m still this ambivalent about the sport, even after competing.

The Nitty-Gritty

I was really hoping to place, but I ended up getting 7th out of 8 in my class in novice, and 8th out of 9 in my class in the open. It was a definite blow to my ego, but when I got my photos back and saw the comparison shots, it was earned. Don’t get me wrong, I know I look great! But a big part of bodybuilding is posing, and mine didn’t display my physique as well as it could have. One thing I would definitelly do if I compete again is get a posing coach - that’s something I find very difficult to figure out on my own. I’m still waiting on my feedback, but I’m guessing they’ll have some comments about my conditioning (I wanted to come in about 5 lbs lighter than I did), upper glute fullness, and possibly my tan.

Oh my god, the tans. It’s crazy - I’m ghostly by nature, and I thought I was DARK after 4 layers of ProTan Competition Color. Dear reader, standing next to my competition, it was like a printer had run out of ink.

I’m still in the process of setting new goals, but one thing I know I want to do is keep getting stronger. A lot of my lifts unexpectedly went up during my prep, and I attribute a lot of that to training with intensity and intentionality. I’m trying to bring that same energy into the gym in this post-competition phase - I know what I can do now, and I’m excited to keep pushing myself to do even more.

I’m probably going to to a deeper dive into how much things cost and other, less pleasant aspects of competing, but for right now I’ll end on a celebratory note. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do this, and yet I did! If I can do that, what else might I be able to accomplish?

I have a bit of history with DragonCon, not all of it pleasant - my experience there a couple of years ago ended up being emotionally difficult for a variety of reasons, and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to go back. I’m glad I did, though, because this year was an absolute blast. Judging the MuscleNerdz competition, making new friends, showing off my cosplays, having adventures with my boyfriend… It ended up being one of the best convention experiences I’ve ever had!

The highest of the highlights has to be judging (and doing a guest performance at) the MuscleNerdz showdown. I had only been working out for 6 months the first time that I competed in MuscleNerdz, all the way back in 2021, and hearing the feedback from the judges that I could really compete was what gave me the bodybuilding bug. It’s been quite a journey with them - getting second place in 2021, winning in 2022 but not being able to enjoy it, then coming back in 2024 as a judge, feeling strong and healthy and happy and giving a performance that I’m proud of. I even connected with the organizers to suggest that they expand to other conventions outside Atlanta, possibly with my help, so who knows that the future may hold?

This is the first time that I’ve flown to a convention, so packing was a bit of a different experience. I had to be really thoughtful about what costumes and props I could bring, but at the end of the day it all came down to shoes. I tried to do sporty versions of the various characters that I was cosplaying as, so all I had to bring were a few pairs of sneakers. It ended up working out even better than I’d hoped, and I felt both cute and comfy the entire convention. The photos I’m featuring here are of my Gym Mirko cosplay, inspired by artwork from Iron Pinky on Instagram.

It’s me. I’m counting. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t mentally calculate how far out I am, worrying if I’m going to hit my goals, and then reminding myself that it doesn’t matter if I meet some arbitrary standard or not. It’s a little exhausting, having that clock ticking in the background all the time, but it’s also exhilarating. I’ve put a lot of time, effort, and money into this, and I’m getting excited for the payoff at the end.

Some things have not gone entirely to plan. I didn’t track my meals or work out much at DragonCon, but I tried to make good choices and did a shit-ton of cardio, so I actually dropped a couple of pounds while I was there. After getting back, though, I wasn’t consistent with my diet, so my weight has plateaued this month. One of my principles for this prep was that I wouldn’t go to extreme measures to lose weight, so I can’t realistically get to my goal weight before the show. It’s a little disappointing, and it’s been a struggle at times to rein in thoughts about how I won’t be “ready” or “stage lean.” I need to start stoning my suit and putting time into posing practice, but I keep procrastinating, even though I know it’s going to bite me in the ass.

I’ve made some good changes in the past couple of weeks, though. I was getting a little loose with my drinking, so I’ve dialed it back, although I haven’t cut it out altogether - it might sound counterintuitive, but I’ve noticed that having a couple glasses of wine with dinner seems to help me drop weight, even if I keep the calories consistent. (Oh my god, should I make an ad about how a local woman discovered “one weird trick” to help with weight loss?) I don’t always have the best relationship with booze, but it’s been interesting how prep has impacted that and given me a bit more control over what I consume.

I’ve always been pretty consistent with the gym, but in the past month I haven’t missed a single workout, and I’ve added gasp dedicated cardio to my routine on top of getting my steps in each day. It’s just 20 minutes on the stair machine a few times a week, and if I don’t exactly look forward to it, I don’t hate it as much as I thought I would either. It feels good knowing that I’m pushing myself, and doing everything I can to prepare for the stage.

With the competition close and the pressure on, I’ve also been pushing myself to be more organized, focused, and productive. I took a break from my regular social media, and while I’ve reintroduced some of the apps, I don’t feel the need to mindlessly scroll them so much. I’m not always the most organized (and smoking copious amounts of weed doesn’t help with that), so I have a written to-do list that lives on my kitchen table, and I try to check off an item or two on it every day. And it helps! My house is cleaner and more organized, and I feel less overwhelmed by everything coming up because I’ve got the tools to manage it.

The biggest change is mental, though - I’ve decided to accept that my best is my best, whatever that looks like. Am I lean enough? Probably not. Are my glutes big enough? Apparently they never can be, unless they are (and no, I still can’t tell what sort of feedback someone might get from looking at the lineup photos or routines - the criteria is still astonishingly opaque to me). Is this the fittest that I’ve ever looked, though? The strongest I’ve ever felt? Is this something that I’ve worked towards consistently for months, making sacrifices and lasting changes to my life to do so? Yes, yes, and yes.

Personal Updates

My prep hasn’t exactly been linear - I kicked it off back in June by gaining weight, dropped consistently and quickly for a while, and then bounced back up by an amount that made me wince a little, if I’m being perfectly honest. But just a little bit, and it didn’t wreak my day or prompt me to cut my calories the next day; instead, I just got back on plan, trusting that if I make slightly better decisions over the next few days, the extra weight will drop back off. Knowledge is confidence - I know that I haven’t suddenly begun defying the laws of thermodynamics and creating more mass than I consume, I’m just retaining water, and eventually my body will sort itself out. In the meantime, I’m going to checking off all the boxes, because that’s what’s going to get me to my goal.

Otherwise, though, things are going pretty smoothly! My lifts have stayed heavy, and despite eating in a deficit and my weight being down overall, I’m still increasing my strength. I got my stage bikini last week (although I still need to stone it, something I haven’t done before), and I’m feeling a lot more confident when it comes to my posing and routine.

Right now, my biggest focus is on DragonCon and the MuscleNerdz showdown, which I’m returning to judge this year! My last DragonCon was emotionally difficult, but I’m excited to be back with a better frame of mind.

Bodybuilding - an eating Disorder with Extra Steps?

At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, I don’t think that most people should get involved in competitive bodybuilding. I haven’t even had my first competition yet, but as I’ve become more deeply involved in the culture over the last few months - joining some bodybuilding sub-Reddits, following a bunch of bodybuilders, both pro and amateur, on TikTok and Instagram, and trying to gain as much knowledge as possible about the process of prepping for a show - one of the most obvious things that I’ve noticed is how many people experience binge eating disorder both during and after their prep.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve dealt with an eating disorder before. I understand what I’ve seeing because I’ve been there - you want to lose weight, so you restrict calories, cutting out “bad” foods, exercising more, all the things that you’re supposed to do when you’re in a weight loss phase. But for a lot of folks, our brains are wired to crave that forbidden fruit (or forbidden burger and fries), and the more that you try to avoid being “bad,” the more you obsess over it. It can feel like a tsunami crashing over you when it finally hits, and you eat and eat, well past the point of hunger, sometimes to the point of pain. Then the guilt and shame kick in - why am I sabotaging myself like this? What’s wrong with me that I have no control? Maybe you purge (for me it was laxatives, for others it’s vomiting or exercise), but even if you don’t, your relationship with food and your body becomes warped. It’s not fun!

Binging and the other behaviors that go with it are startlingly common in bodybuilding, and it’s not surprising given the culture. Even in divisions that are technically “softer,” like bikini, extreme leanness is fetishized, and judges will usually reward someone who comes in “overly conditioned" (i.e., too lean) over someone who comes in “fluffy.” I suppose you could say that’s just the way it is, and to criticize the criteria is to criticize the sport. I think that’s stupid! The criteria changes constantly, which you can see by looking back at winners over the years; it’s also not some immutable law handed down from on high, and judges could absolutely decide to crown someone with 17% body fat instead of 9% if their muscles are big enough to show through properly, but they don’t.

Ready or NOt, Here I come

Or rather, ambivalent or not, I’m in it, so I’m trying not to let my reservations about the competitive aspects of bodybuilding diminish my enjoyment of actually doing the thing. I think I’ve said before that I tend to mentally rebel against what I don’t understand or disagree with, and so breaking my diet feels like sticking it to the man, even though I’m also “the man” in this situation. I’m working through some of those mental triggers, and I’m kind of excited to see where I can get while still maintaining what I believe to be healthy eating habits.

I say that like I’m not a woman who’s been steeped in diet culture practically since birth, like I didn’t struggle with bulimia in my early 20s, like the number on the scale being mostly irrelevant isn’t an entirely recent thing. In fairness, most competitors are very open about how difficult it is to stick to their diet on prep, especially if you were previously growing and less attentive to your overall caloric intake, but I guess I thought I was special or something. My weight’s been pretty consistent over the past couple of years, and when I wanted to drop 5 pounds I usually could. My method for doing so (subbing a bottle of wine for dinner) isn’t particularly sustainable over the long term, though, and something inside me tends to rebel against any self-imposed restrictions I create. I’ve had to figure out some kind of middle ground between peppy health nut who happily eschews all hedonistic pleasure in life and party girl who considers alcohol a food group, and it hasn’t always been easy.

My first week of prep, I almost felt like I had to prove that I was going to do prep differently from most folks; that I would still eat a donut and get some Popeye’s and all that. The biggest change that I’d planned was to stop drinking for the duration of my prep, and that was an abysmal failure - I think I actually drank more that week than I had the week before! I struggled to get back on track, and the first couple of weeks I actually bounced all the way back up to my vacation weight, which was disheartening.

The last couple of weeks of June I finally managed to dial it in. I’ve been tracking my calories since I started prep, and lately I’ve found it a lot easier to stick closer to my daily goal (around 1800, for transparency), which does include a couple of drinks in the evening. Even though I haven’t stopped drinking entirely, I have been more successful at moderating my consumption. I’ve mentally designated a certain number of treat calories per day, as well as a treat meal each week, to try and keep cravings in check. Most of the time, those treat calories do go to wine, but sometimes ice cream wins out. Weekends are tougher, but I’ve tempered the wild swings from weekday to weekend these past couple of weeks; hopefully I can manage more consistency as I get deeper into this process.

Going into July, it’s that consistency that I’m really focused on. I’m a few pounds up from where I was hoping to be at this point, but the scale is moving in the direction that I want it to, and I’m starting to see the results from the extra shoulder and glute work I’ve been putting in.

It’s hard when everyone around you is having fun, eating and drinking whatever, but I just can’t be that girlie right now. That’s ok! Given how quickly this month has gone by, I have a feeling the next 16 weeks will be in the rearview before I know it.

“What’s Your workout split?”

You’ll often see fitness folks reference their “workout split,” which is basically the structure of what they work out and when. Your split depends on a few factors, including how often you work out, how much time you’re able to spend in the gym, and what your goals are for development. A typical split might be P/P/L (push, or chest, triceps, and shoulders; pull, or back and biceps; and legs), the Arnold Split (chest and back, arms and shoulders, and legs, each twice a week), upper body/lower body, or any other number of combinations.

I recently changed up my split a little bit; I did something like P/P/L (with an extra leg day) for a long time, but since I decided to compete I’ve been putting extra emphasis on my glutes and shoulders. My current split is legs/ back and shoulders/arms/legs/abs and shoulders, which is working pretty well for me so far. While I do still train chest, it’s not a priority for me right now, and dropping it from my routine leaves me with more time for other areas.

Sample workouts

Here are some examples of actual workouts that I’ve done over the past few weeks. A superset, for those who don’t know, are exercises that are done one after the other without a break between; I usually do them to save time, but some people believe they help you gain muscle faster. I also try to practice progressive overload, which basically means making the exercise harder over time. You can do that by increasing the weight, the number of reps you do, or slowing down the tempo, amongst other things.

Monday: Glutes and Hamstrings
Hip thrusts/KAS glute bridges (superset) - 3x10/10
V-Squats - 3x10, 8, 6 (increasing weight each set)
Hip abductions - 3x10, 8, 6 (increasing weight each set)
Bulgarian split squats - 3x8

Tuesday: Back and Shoulders
Low row - 3x10, 8, 6 (increasing weight each set)
Lat raises - 3x10
Lat pulldowns - 3x8
Shoulder Press - 3x10

Thursday: Arms
Ez bar curls - 3x10
Skull crushers - 3x8
Hammer curls
Triceps extensions - 3x12, 10, 8 (increasing weight)

Friday: Glutes and Quads
Hack squat - 3x10
Single leg press - 3x10, 8, 6 (increasing weight)
Leg extensions - 3x10, 8, 6 (increasing weight)
Glute medius kickbacks - 3x10, 8, 6 (increasing weight)

Saturday: Abs and Shoulders
AbCore - 3x10/10/10 (Front, left obliques, right obliques)
Shoulder press - 3x10
Hanging leg raises - 3xAMRAP (as many reps as possible)
Rear delt flys - 3x10, 8, 6 (increasing weight)

“Cardi-oh no”

While a lot of competitors spend hours on the treadmill or stairmaster, I’ve always hated traditional cardio. Even as a kid I disliked running for any kind of distance, though I was fast over shorter stretches, and nothing much has changed in the intervening years.

Cardio is just as important to creating your physique (and keeping your heart healthy) as weights are, though, and it’s actually a big part of my life! My secret - I walk everywhere. One of the things that I love most about Chicago is how walkable it is, so it makes it easy for me to get my steps in throughout the day. I typically end up doing 10K steps per day just getting around: walking to and from the train to work, getting to the gym, taking a stroll on my lunch, running errands. For the past couple of weeks I’ve set my step goal to 15K, and it’s motivated me to get out and walk even more.

My other favorite form of cardio is dance. I’m not the most coordinated person, but I really enjoy going to Zumba classes (my boyfriend used to be an instructor!) and just doing little dancy dances in my daily life. I used to be kind of hung up on being a “good” dancer, but really, who cares? These days, it just feels good to move.

Then you relax a bit, and deconstruction and remixing becomes super exciting. I think I’m entering a cosplay remix era, because suddenly I’m all about making sporty versions of characters that I want to cosplay.

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End is one of my recent anime faves. It follows the journey of a 1000 year old elf named Frieren, who, 50 years ago, journeyed with a group of heroes and defeated the Demon King. Now, as her companions are shuffling off the mortal coil, she’s coming to realize how much of an impact they had on her, and sets out to reconnect with humanity once more.

And in my version, she plays pickleball!

(Honestly, it just seemed like an easy and fun thing to make her mage’s staff from, which it indeed was.)

I bought the skirt and top at TJ Maxx; the skirt just needed a bit of gold paint, which I plan to retouch before I wear the cosplay again. The pickleball set was ordered from Amazon, and I did a little customization on it, including gluing half a ball to it to imitate her gem! Unfortunately a guard dropped the paddle as I was going through security and it fell off, but I’m already thinking up ways to make it more secure for the next time.

My next big con is DragonCon, in September, and that one is all the way in Atlanta. It’ll be my first time flying out for a con, and I think “sporty version of [character]” is my game plan at this point. i can’t wait to come up with more ideas!

But you know how it is when you have an itch you just have to scratch? Even though I’d unfollowed a lot of professional bodybuilders in January, there were still a few fitness influencers that I followed, and TikTok and Instagram continued to show me more of them. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but lately when I look at those kinds of images, I just think “I could do that.” It’s possible that I’ve just cracked and am totally delulu, but I don’t think so. I’ve put in my time at the gym, and I’ve got the muscles to prove it. I’ll need to lose 15-20 pounds to be competitive, which doesn’t sound fun, but it doesn’t seem as insurmountable as it did a year or 2 ago.

I still have the same concerns about competing as I did a few months ago, but here’s why I’m not letting them stop me, and my vision for what I want my bodybuilding prep to look like.

“Competing is too expensive.”

Competing in a bodybuilding competition isn’t cheap, and can be insanely expensive if you let it be. Costs include:

1. NPC card - $150 (good for 1 calendar year)

2. Entry fees - $100-300+ per division

3. Competition bikini - $300-500+

4. Hair and makeup - $250-300

5. Tanning - $150+

6. Coaching - I don’t even know. Potentially $1000s per year

The only things on that list that you absolutely have to do, though, are pay your fees, so that’s what I’m planning to do. Hair and makeup, tanning, and the bikini will be DIY, and frankly hell will probably freeze over before I’d pay someone to tell me to eat plain rice and chicken and do 2 hours of cardio a day. All total, I’ll still probably end up spending about $500, but that still feels more reasonable to me than the $1000s that some competitors pay.

“Bodybuilding is just a beauty pageant with muscles.”

A bodybuilding competition is, in fact, a beauty pageant with muscles, which means that whether I win or lose, the outcome is totally subjective and largely outside of my control. That thought used to scare me - how will I feel if I lose? Will I be able to keep a healthy perspective, or am I going to spiral?

The thing that’s helping me feel more comfortable with competing, whatever the outcome may be, is realizing how silly a bodybuilding competition is. Seriously - watch a video of a bodybuilding competition, and try and tell me it’s not goofy as hell. The tans, the poses, the specific way you’re supposed to walk away from the judges so that your glutes don’t bounce too much. I believe that I’ll be able to deliver a competitive physique, so if I lose because of the rhinestone placement on my bikini… well, it’s hard to take that particularly seriously.

“Bodybuilders all have eating disorders.”

The extreme diets are what I like least about bodybuilding. I do think that a lot of bodybuilders have eating disorders, or at least eat in a way that looks pretty disordered from the outside - subsisting on pickles, mustard, and diet coke, pushing their body fat % so low that they no longer menstruate. Binge eating seems to be a big issue post-show, and even those who are mentally healthy often find they have physical side effects, such as hormone imbalances.

I’m planning to approach my prep a little differently from what I see from other competitors. It seems like within American bodybuilding, there’s a distinct food culture that revolves around a very limited diet - chicken, rice, shredded lettuce, gimmicky protein foods. I’m planning to eat how I normally eat, focusing on whole foods and lots of veggies, but still enjoying my favorites (ice cream and fried chicken) in smaller portions.

While it’s possible that I won’t “lean out” enough to be competitive, I’m not super worried about it for a couple of reasons. !) I tend to show muscle a lot, even at a higher body fat. 2) My healthy-ish relationship with food is more important to me than winning.

The Plan

Ok, so I’m competing - now what?

May-August: Maintain + Grow

Right now, my weight is sitting at around 149 - a little lighter than I normally am, but maintainable. I’d like to stay at around this weight for the next few month, keeping my diet consistent and really pushing my training. I’m feeling pretty good about my physique, but I’d like to round out my glutes and shoulders a bit more before I start trying to drop weight.

August-November: Cut

My goal weight come stage time is somewhere between 132-137, depending on how things are looking. That’s a bit higher than the normal weight range of a competitor my height (that would be more like 121-129), but I literally cannot imagine what I’d look like at that weight. A skeleton made of beef jerky is the image that comes to mind…

That gives me 3 months to lose between 15-20 pounds, which works out to losing .5-1.5 pounds a week. I considered doing a shorter cut, but I think having 12 weeks to do a slower, gentler cut will be easier on my mental state.

November-December: Hit the Stage

To get the most out of my NPC card, I’m going to do 2 shows this year - the Midwest Gladiator November 2nd and the NPC Mid-American Winter Classic on December 7th. Both are national qualifiers, and while I’m trying not to get my hopes up, the fantasy is that I place well, go onto nationals, and get a pro card my first time out. (That’s not what’s going to happen, but shoot for the moon or whatever, right?)

Show #1 is what I’m most excited for - originally it was the only one I was planning on doing, with the goal being to just do it and get it out of my system instead of wondering what it’s like to compete. I don’t want to spend $150 on an NPC card just to use it once, though, and doing a second show where I can make adjustments and correct mistakes seems like it would only improve my chances of success.

Final Thoughts

I still feel deeply ambivalent about this sport, if that wasn’t clear from literally everything else that I wrote. But I’m a competitive person, and I’m also just really fucking proud of the work that I’ve done these last few years. The physical changes are obvious to the point that strangers comment on it (which is a whole other topic that I’d love to come back to another day), but it’s the mental changes that are having the biggest impact on my life.

Lifting weights has shown me that I can push myself. Even when it’s hard, I show up and I do my best. I can set small goals and achieve them in a specific time frame. I feel so much more comfortable in my body than I ever have before. I want to win, but it’s not just about that; competing will give me a stretch goal to work towards, and that something I’ve realized I need.

I don’t know how competing is going to impact me, but I feel confident in my ability to handle what comes - even if I’m doing it looking like an Oompa Loompa in a sparkly bikini.

I’m also almost a month late making this post, but that’s ok - I’ve decided that things happen in their own time, exactly when I’m ready for them (which is what I plan to tell my manager the next time I’m running late turning in a presentation…).

I look a little tired in these photos, and that’s because I’ve been struggling lately. I didn’t do a lot for my birthday, largely because I haven’t had a lot of energy in the past couple of months. Even doing things that I enjoy feels like a big lift, and I’ve found myself cancelling plans just to stay home and scroll social media. Depression really is a bitch in that way - when I most need connection and support are the times that I’m most likely to push those things away.

But I’m working on it, and hopefully diving into some fun projects this summer will help break me out of this ennui. I’ve got a few things on the horizon to get excited about - travel, filming a new season of our Predator web series, and craziest of all, a body building competition in September (more to come on that)! At the end of the day, life goes on, and hopefully 37 ends up being my best year yet.

But before I get into all that, some fitness wisdom from 2023!

1. You don’t have to spend an hour at the gym to get a good workout in. Prioritize 2-3 high impact exercises and you can get in and out in under 30 minutes.

2. You don’t really have to “optimize” your routine in order to see results. You can just use machines if you don’t like dumbells, and skip exercises you don’t like if you target the muscles in a different way.

3. Every good glute workout is apparently 4 things:

   • Hip thrusts

   • Romanian deadlifts

   • Bulgarian split squats

   • Glute Medius kickbacks

   • (Of course there are other exercises you can and should do, but if you’re specifically talking about your butt pretty much everyone agrees that this will pretty much have you covered.)

I’ve been thinking about competing for a couple of years, ever since I did my first Muscle Nerd competition at DragonCon in 2021. I’d only been working out for 6 months at the time, so when the judges told me that I could do a real NPC competition, I was blown away. I’m pretty competitive, and the thought of walking across the stage, muscles gleaming, holds an undeniable appeal.

But (and it’s a big butt) I’m not sure if I can actually handle what that would entail, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to.

It’s hard for me to look at the photos of beautiful, lean, muscular bodies, tanned and toned and polished until they resemble nothing so much as 1980s plastic action figures, and not want that on a truly deep level. I follow several bodybuilders on Instagram and TikTok, and the way they talk about “prep” makes it feel like the ultimate testament to one’s dedication and willpower. I can just imagine the thrill of placing (maybe even winning!) in something so challenging.

For a long time, the biggest reason that I didn’t just pull the trigger and sign up for one was that I could also picture the flip side - feeling crushed if I lost, and falling back into the cycle of self-loathing and dysmorphia and disordered eating. Even now I don’t always love my body unreservedly, but my level of body acceptance is much higher than it’s ever been; where my body used to feel like some wild, wayward, alien thing, I now feel connected to it. I’m at least in communication with it, even if I don’t agree with all of it’s decisions.

I was very consistent about going to the gym 3-5 times a week this year, but between injury and illness I fell off a little in December. Skipping the gym used to stress me out, but now I feel more confident in my ability to bounce back after taking a break, and I’m not losing my mind because my clothes are fitting a little tighter.

As the fear has receded, though, so has my interest in submitting myself to the judgement of others. Honestly, the more I learn about the realities of competitive bodybuilding, the less appealing it seems.

A couple of the bodybuilders that I admire dropped out of their leagues in September of 2023. They alleged that the folks who run the organization and judge the competitions gave preference to their friends and acquaintances; that competition was pay to play, and that you wouldn’t place if you didn’t stay at the host hotel and pay for various services (hair and makeup, tanning, photography) provided by “preferred” vendors. While the controversy mostly centered on one league, the IFBB, many of the athletes said that they’ve seen or heard of similar issues with all of them.

I think the final straw, though, was a TikTok video from a bodybuilding “expert” talking about what it is that judges look for during competition. I know it’s a bit of a cliche, but it was a man who looked like a toenail talking about a woman who had spent years in the gym and thousands on hair, makeup, and a rhinestone bikini, saying that the reason that she lost was because she didn’t understand that the top of her glutes needed to be fuller so that the judges could see them from the particular angle where they’re usually seated.

Something about that just drove home to me that there is nothing objective about what is, ultimately, a beauty competition. I could spend years in the gym; I could spend a month’s pay on supplements and spray tans and coaches; I could spend a season doing prep, denying myself satisfying food for months on end in pursuit of a lean physique; I could do all that and still lose, simply because of the angle from which I am being viewed.

For some people, the joy of competing is enough to offset all of the downsides. I’ve certainly known folks who enjoy testing their limits in that way, who can take a certain ascetic pleasure in that level of rigorous discipline and self-denial, and who also truly have the “it’s me vs. me” mindset that allows them to shrug off any losses. I don’t have that level of discipline, and frankly, I don’t think I want it. I need champagne and a Popeye’s chicken sandwich as much as I need my salads and gym time.

And, frankly, the tanning always made me feel a little squicky, but we don’t really need to get into that.

What’s funny is that, having decided that I’m not interested in competing against other people, I’ve found it easier to just enjoy being in the gym again. Maybe it’s the new year’s energy, but I’ve been pushing it a bit harder with my lifts lately, while also trying to work on my flexibility a bit.

Maybe competition isn’t out of the question, though. I loved being part of the Muscle Nerdz at DragonCon, and it would be great to see other, similar events spring up. Who knows - maybe I’ll start my own league in 2024.

2024 Goals

1. Get nerdy with my workout data.
   I’ve been tracking my workouts consistently for a year, but I haven’t actually done much with the data. Next year I’m going to focus on growing my legs and improving my flexibility, and I’d like to use the knowledge that I’ve gained to create a program for myself that will help me meet those goals.

2. Prioritize mobility.
   I have a bad habit of only warming up when I’m fucked up, which is an unkind thing to do to my mid-30s back. In 2024, I’m going to make stretching and improving my range of motion a part of my daily practice.

3. Document my progress.

   I’ve gotten really inconsistent about taking progress pictures or attempting personal records for my lifts, which sometimes fools me into thinking that I haven’t made as much progress as I actually have. In 2024, I’m going to embrace that change, and snap a few photos to celebrate.

Also, my domain automatically renews this time of year, and I’m not gonna let that $$ go to waste.

Anyway, here’s my 2023 year in review, starting with the pop culture that made me happy (plus a couple that pissed me off).

Pop Culture Highs and Lows

High: Blue Eye Samurai
Sometimes I wonder if the creators of Blue Eye Samurai weren’t trying to enrage a certain brand of incel by taking the most bloodthirsty, badass, unstoppable action anti-hero since John Wick and making that character a woman of color. I can’t tell if they failed or succeeded; Mizu is like a vengeful Terminator, but through her and everyone around her (shoutout to Akemi and Ringo), we get to explore gender, race, class, disability, and so much more, all without feeling didactic. The visuals are gorgeously painterly, and the needle drops hit every. single. time. If you liked Netflix’s previous hit Arcane, or just great storytelling in general, don’t miss it.

Low: Ant-Man and the Wasp - Quantumania
Look, I know saying “Marvel’s in decline” isn’t exactly a hot take at this point, but this movie was so shit. Boring, ugly, and lacking all of the elements that made the first one charming, Quantumania also failed to make now disgraced star Jonathan Majors an interesting or compelling villain, no matter how overwrought and Shakespearian his delivery. The Marvels was better, especially in comparison, but I think the Marvel machine has truly run out of steam this year.

Low: Netflix cancels the excellent 1899 and hands it’s budget over to the middling Bodies
Last year, my end of year obsession was twisty sci-fi thriller 1899, which I gave up on recapping after it was abruptly cancelled right after the new year. A few months ago, Netflix dropped another twisty sci-fi thriller, this one based on some moderately well-known IP from Vertigo Comics. Don’t get me wrong, I binged Bodies, and it’s a good time, but it seems symptomatic of a narrowing of options from the streaming giant. It’s not hard to imagine the meeting where some middle management type ran a cost benefit analysis of making an effects heavy original series that didn’t have a conclusion written yet vs. a known property that could be wrapped up in under 12 episodes (but with the option to tease a season 2 if it’s a big enough hit!). I get why they did it, but my weirdo heart is going to file 1899 away with The OA and Sense8 as “big swings Netflix didn’t have the balls to follow through on.”

High: Beyonce and Taylor Swift’s recording breaking year
I actively dislike Taylor Swift and have never been that into Beyonce (Crazy in Love might be my favorite song of hers, and that came out when I was in high school), but post-pandemic, it’s really exciting to see women dominate the music industry the way these two did this year. When you pair it with Barbie, it hearkens back to the “Girl Power!” era of the 90s - yes, they’re products of a massive, soulless marketing campaign, but you can’t say that the women at the center aren’t exercising agency and inspiring conversations about what it means to be a woman in 2023.

2024 Pop Culture Resolutions

1. Read more books. I really fell off this year, despite being so happy every time I picked up a book. Next year, I’d like to read a minimum of 1 book a month.

2. Expand my musical horizons. Like so many people, I tend to listen to the same bands over and over again. I’ve gotten a little better in the past few years, but I want to keep seeking out new things to inspire and entertain me rather than falling back to the same few things.

3. Switch up my streaming habits. I’ve had Netflix and Amazon Prime for forever, and with their offerings shrinking, I’m considering doing 6 months of Apple+ or something to check out a few shows I’ve heard are worthwhile.

4. Try out some stuff that I don’t think I’ll like. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my preference for sci-fi and fantasy over “literary” fiction, or my preference for action and comedy over drama, but I don’t want to miss out on good stuff just because I feel like it’s not my thing.