The Zilk_Glove

Quotes about drinking

2011-03-09T16:05:00.002+01:00

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998)

It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine.
Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC), On the Universe

Nothing anyone says in a bar is true.
Mark Ruffalo, In Style Magazine, 11-08

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
Martin Mull (1943 - )

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), In Life of Oscar Wilde, H. Pearson

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946)

Here's to a long life and a merry one
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer and another one!

Gud sa till åsnan:

2010-10-21T10:23:00.001+02:00

Gud sa till åsnan:
- 'Du är en åsna. Du skall slita och släpa dagen lång och bli kallad dum
i huvudet. Du kommer att leva i 20 år.'

Åsnan svarade:
- 'Usch då, det låter inte som något bra liv. Kan vi inte säga att jag
bara skall bli 5 år gammal?'

Gud accepterade åsnans förslag.

Sen skapade Gud hunden.

Gud sa:
- 'Du skall kallas hund, leva ett liv i underkastelse, äta rester från
middagsbordet och vakta huset. Du skall leva i 35 år.'

Hunden sa:
- 'Ojdå, det blir kanske inte så roligt. Kan jag inte få bli bara 15 år
istället?'

Gud accepterade hundens förslag.

Därefter skapade Gud papegojan.

Gud sa:
- 'Du kallas papegoja. Du kommer att sitta i ett hörn och upprepa allt
som sägs, till stor irritation för alla. Du blir 75 år gammal.'

Papegojan undrade:
- 'Det låter väldigt enformigt… Kan vi inte säga bara 50 år?'

Gud accepterade papegojans förslag.

Till slut skapade Gud mannen.

Gud sa:
- 'Du är en människa, en man! Du skall ha ett bra liv. Du är klok och
intelligent, så du kommer att bestämma här i världen. Du skall bli 20 år.'

Mannen svarade:
- 'Det låter som ett riktigt bra liv, men kan det inte vara lite längre?'
(Nu visar mannen för första gången ett prov på sin intelligens...)
- 'Kan jag inte få de där 15 åren som åsnan inte ville ha, de 20 som
hunden tackade nej till, samt de 25 som blev över från papegojan också?'

Gud accepterade mannens förslag.

Därför lever mannen ett härligt liv tills han blir 20 år. Sen gifter han
sig, för att slita och släpa i 15 år och bli kallad dum i huvudet.
Sedan får han helt underkasta sig den övriga familjens behov, leva på
rester från bordet och vakta huset i 20 år. De sista 25 åren av sitt liv
sitter han i ett hörn och upprepar allt som folk säger, till stor
irritation för alla i sin omgivning…

pisten bully 300w

2010-09-01T19:49:00.000+02:00

Harakiri

2010-09-01T19:48:00.001+02:00

Harakiri Mayrhofen

2010-09-01T19:48:00.000+02:00

IT/ICT Management, CIO Coaching, Rådgivning

2010-08-31T14:03:00.000+02:00

IT/ICT Management, CIO Coaching, Rådgivning

L00nybin - BFBC2 Stats

2010-08-30T20:58:00.000+02:00

L00nybin - BFBC2 Stats

How to use the Vuvuzela

2010-06-16T15:56:00.001+02:00

How to tell the difference between different kinds o Metal

2010-06-15T13:58:00.001+02:00

Come on England

2010-06-11T10:21:00.002+02:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9o5MkRLawU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_Mw1Gfku7I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEb0X9NEX0I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd74Vx2u1R0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyrxoBs8epg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbWOSNbcPCI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hz5nFNjEZZM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CcU085tGwE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO6Ab8iXFtM

The drink of this summer 2010

2010-06-06T16:45:00.002+02:00

I think this will be the drink for me this summer. Cool refreshing with a twist.
TwistedSummer I think I'll call it
half a lime
2cl of blueberry vodka
Ice
and half a teaspoon of sugar.
Shake long and well.
serve and enjoy :-)

Scariest path ever ?

2010-06-04T09:30:00.000+02:00

Math

2010-05-20T15:40:00.002+02:00

101 More Great Computer Quotes

2010-05-19T09:35:00.001+02:00

101 More Great Computer Quotes

Posted using ShareThis

That's true

2010-04-16T13:20:00.002+02:00

Britain: WTF Iceland?! Why did you send us volcanic ash ? Our airspace has shut down.
Iceland: What ? It's what you asked for isn't it ?
Britain: NO! Cash! Cash you dyslexic fuck. CASH!
Iceland:There is no C in our alphabet, sorry!

I has made a castle

2010-03-26T23:04:00.000+01:00

St: Patricks day..

2010-03-19T13:46:00.001+01:00

Only the Irish have Jokes Like These

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised
and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that
to you, he must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and
a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
" That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
it was, but useless in a fight."
**********************************************************************************************************
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and,
of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening."
" I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"D id you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest,
that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

***********************************************************************************************************

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've
somethin' to tell ya".
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
Tim. But where's my husband?"
" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
" I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead
and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim.. "How did it happen, Tim?"
" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of
Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth,
Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

************************************************************************************************************

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday
morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My
husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary,
did he have any last requests?"
S he says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

*********************************************************************************************************

AND THE BEST FOR L AST

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters
a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention
but the drunk continues to sit there.
Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall .
The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's
no paper on this side either!"

Gothen finns kvar

2009-07-24T16:59:00.002+02:00

A girls guide to computer trouble

2009-05-05T16:00:00.004+02:00

1. call IT dude = problem solved

2. if still a problem = ask the IT dude out for a date

3. if still not working = you need to consider getting new clothes and a makeover to make yourself more attractive and always put a little, I love you so much, you're the best in there

Live Pac-Man

2009-05-05T10:06:00.003+02:00

Spotify

2009-03-27T14:45:00.003+01:00

The Errand and other Irish tales

2009-03-18T09:31:00.000+01:00

The Errand and other Irish tales.

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini
after martini, each time removing the olives and
placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the
drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over
what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin' , said the Irishman, "me wife just
sent me out for a jar of olives!"

********************************

The Lost Luggage

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered
around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman..

***********************************

Water to wine

An Irish priest is driving down to New York
and gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and
then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"

******************************

The Brothel

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer
and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel,
and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a
man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi=2 0enter the brothel,
and the other Irishman said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews
are falling' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel,
and one of the Irishmen said,
"What a terrible pity...
one of the girls must be quite ill."

*************************************

Lost at Sea

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in
a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through
the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would
appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that he
could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter,
Patrick blurted out,
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening
crash, and immediately the entire sea turned
into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle
lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as
the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish
had been granted. After a long, tension-filled
moment, he spoke:

"Nice going Patrick!
Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!

****************************************

The Fall

Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze
in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet,
he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!"

******************************

(And saving the best for last...)

You've Been Drinking Again

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So, he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
Again, he fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to
stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright,
but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound
asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning
to his wife standing over him, shouting,
"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look, and
intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called;
you left your wheelchair there again."

Geek stuff

2009-03-16T11:10:00.003+01:00

IpTables humor
Sudo

Speeding ticket

2009-01-14T17:48:00.001+01:00

In the slopes

2009-01-12T15:33:00.003+01:00