Like books, our lives can be measured in chapters. Several chapters have already been written in my life: childhood, high school, college and marriage. Other chapters include raising a family, moving to Kansas, starting a blog, and watching my children begin their lives.

Often I’ll re-read these chapters in my mind as I excitedly, and sometimes apprehensively, turn the page and begin writing the next chapter.

After writing these chapters for the past 50 years, I’m still amazed at how each one can end with such a dramatic bang. It’s not that these dramatic endings are bad – just the opposite. These dramatic endings remind me how richly we live and how powerful it is to be alive.

A Farewell Song

A few chapters are ending right now.

My youngest, Emily, is wrapping up middle school. At her spring choir concert last week, she joined hands with her friends as they sang a farewell song.

I could see the tears well in her eyes as she took in the moment. Her life will change in a few months. The safety and familiarity of what she has known for the last three years will soon be replaced by the unknown landscape of high school.

She’s ready to the turn page; although a little unsure of what words she’ll write in the next chapter.

The Bottom of the Ninth

Andrew, my younger son, just arrived home from college for the summer. My son is finishing a chapter that he has been writing most of his life.

Andrew started playing baseball when he was six years old. Today as a college baseball player, he has played more innings than he has done anything else – including being a student, a boyfriend or just being a kid.

The grind of daily practices; staying in crappy hotels and struggling to find time to pursue other interests has been wearing on him to the point that he is considering turning the page and beginning a new chapter. Baseball may, or may not, be included in that chapter.

Andrew may not know the words he’ll write next, but I’m sure when he finds them, each word will show his spirit, courage and heart as much as baseball ever has.

Something Amazing

My new chapter is starting with a new blog. No worries though, The BridgeMaker, isn’t going anywhere. The new blog is in addition to this one. More important, The BridgeMaker will always be the place I call home.

The folks over at Beliefnet.com have invited me to be a writer for their wonderful faith-based community. Beginning on June 1, I will have a blog there called Everyday Inspiration.

So, along with Andrew and Emily, I’m a little afraid about how this new chapter fits into my life, but I have faith that something amazing is waiting for us on the next page.

Sometimes the simple path to turning pages begins with relying on the faith that has helped you write so many incredible chapters before.

Summer is coming and with it, the promise that new chapters are waiting.

My family and I will take the next couple of months to savor the chapters we have already written as we wait in hopeful anticipation to turn the pages that will begin new ones.

I know the words we find will be the right ones – powerful, dramatic and full of promise.

What is A Simple Path?

This post is in A Simple Path, a twice-weekly series of short pieces inspired by my own life experiences. Each post is a simple path to experiencing something wonderful: maybe seeing life from a different perspective, or celebrating its beauty. Click here to read all posts in the series.

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Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. – Dalai Lama

Are you happy with your life? If not ask yourself, “Why?”

For far too many years, I bumbled along living a mediocre life. I was happy in a sad sort of way, but inherently there was pain and mostly fear.

Fear had haunted me for my entire life. I did not know that it had. However, it had.

Fear hung around me like a dark rancid cloak, it smelt damp, if felt cold, it gripped me like a tiger holding its prey and would not let me escape.

Whenever I thought, I had “it all sorted.” Back it would come.

My mother was dying and I found out I was pregnant. I was nineteen.

After visiting the doctor, he told me “your father has enough on his plate without this.”

Fear

My partner was three years older than I and we had been dating since I was seventeen.

I bumbled along terrified, I told my partner. Although he was older, he was immature; still he decided to ‘stay’ by me.

Fear.

I lived with fear constantly. Being naive and not understanding the responsibilities motherhood would bring, I bumbled on.

Eventually, I split from my partner after following him to Jersey with our son, getting a job and finding that he never came home at night, instead choosing to drink with his pals.

My son was two years old and I was alone again.

I bumbled on.

I continued to find relationships with ‘needy’ men; I thought it was my job to ‘fix’ them. I would build their lives instead of mine.

Fear was with me constantly, I chose men who brought no security so that I could continue feeling the fear.

Finally, I tired of trying to understanding how I got into the mess I did and wanted to know, “Why?”

A Passion for self-Help

After training to become an integrative counsellor, I went onto become a hypnotherapist, then onto gaining qualifications to train others in hypnotherapy.

Guess what?

After twelve years of study, I still could not find the answer to my question, “Why?”

Yes, I still was wearing that awful rank-smelling cloak of fear; still feeling pain, still feeling its steel like grip.

The grip began to manifest itself in my body. My hands would hurt from my clenching them, this happened outside of my awareness.

Within my awareness, I continued to feel pain and alone.

I was not alone, there were people around me and I had married a wonderful spiritual man.

However, I was still alone and the fear still haunted me.

I continued asking the question, “Why?”

Finally, the answer came.

It was not until I stopped rushing about fixing everyone else and gave myself real time to listen to my spiritual self that the answer finally came.

Finally, my subconscious mind gave me the answer.

I had never been ready to listen.

Although I experienced deep gut wrenching pain throughout my life, I had chosen not to take time to listen.

Your life is the way it is because of your thoughts.

Finally the Answer!

When I grew up with five siblings, we suffered mental abuse from our parents. I did not understand this is what it was, but with studying, it became clear.

I had turned experiences of terror from my childhood into a feeling of constant fear as an adult.

Being dragged from sleep and put into line in order of age to be told, “One of you is going to be beaten” had taken its toll.

The result of this frightening lecture was always the same.

Any child would have found this experience traumatic.

We did not think it was traumatic, we were children and that was the ‘norm’ for us, however the fear went deep.

The damage was worse for some. I was lucky. I asked the question, “Why?”

The question why saved my sanity as a kid and continues to save my sanity today.

Now I understand why I held onto fear for so long. Why I let it taint my life.

I hung onto fear because the fear was comfortable. Fear had filled my every waking moment as a child.

You see that is what we do as humans.

We hold onto whatever it is we feel comfortable with, even though that emotion may be bringing us incredible pain.

We hold onto it because it is familiar.

What a scary thought.

There is Light at the End of the Tunnel

Once we understand where the emotion was born, once it is in our awareness we can begin to really understand ourselves and lessen the damaging effects.

It can be done – I am proof.

Thank goodness, I continued to ask the question – “Why?”

I know in my heart I have not found all of the answers yet, however I have managed to burn that awful smelly cloak I chose to wear for far too long and it feels good to have freed myself from the grip of fear.

Life just gets better when you understand why you do the things you do.

Is there a question you constantly ask yourself?

Have you managed to find the answer yet?

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The strength of a woman can carry the weight of the world. – Sarah Pezdek-Smith

My girls, pictured above: Emily (14), Mary Beth (I better not say) and Caitlin (24), make the month of May a busy one. It begins with Caitlin’s birthday and ends with Mary Beth’s birthday along with Mother’s Day and Emily’s spring dance recital thrown in for good measure.

I spend the month planning birthday dinners, shopping for gifts, picking up after-recital flowers and making sure all four children remember the second Sunday of May is always Mother’s Day.

With Brandon out of the house and Andrew in college, I’m the last guy standing. Sometimes I wish I had a son or two at home to help. But life moves on and so do I – and for that I’m grateful.

Grateful Living

Every day I give thanks for having these women in my life because more than making May a busy month, my girls remind me how they make me a better man.

Just a few reminders:

A reminder to live with passion
I watch my daughters welcome life and all that comes with it. Some days their smiles are a mile wide while on other days their tears seem to fall harder than rain. But on all days, Caitlin and Emily greet life with passion, honesty and courage.

A reminder to celebrate love
Mary Beth is my best friend. I may be her protector, but she is my savior. Every day she reminds that I’m worthy to be loved.

A reminder to realize what’s important
When Caitlin contracted a life-threatening kidney infection last summer, I thought the world as I knew it was about to end. That experience was a reminder to hold on tight to everything that’s important to me. Today I’m blessed to still be holding onto my daughter.

A reminder to be positive
Emily greets every day with a smile. No matter the situation, my younger daughter remains resilient, encouraged and positive. Because she approaches each challenge with the belief that something good will happen – it usually does.

A reminder to have fun
From pulling me onto a roller coasters to dancing to Don’t Stop Believin’, my daughters invite the kid in me to come out and play.

A reminder to let go
Mary Beth believes there’s a purpose for everything that happens and plan for her life greater than she can imagine. She reminds me to let go of what’s holding me back by doing exactly that.

A Woman of Strength

by: Jan Brooks

Above all, my girls remind me to be a man of strength. By witnessing their strength, I’m able to see the strength in me.

Let me leave you with a poem that seems like was written for my beautiful girls:

A Woman Of Strength
A woman of strength,
Has courage to face the day,
And the confidence,
To handle whatever comes her way.
A woman of strength,
Has so much love to give,
And more compassion,
It gives her a reason to live.
A woman of strength,
Can face trouble with more hope,
Face adversity,
Always finding the strength to cope.
A woman of strength,
Can take the bad with the good,
And learn from it all,
With a sense of pride that’s understood.
A woman of strength,
Can conduct herself with grace,
Hold her head up high,
And dignity always has its place.
A woman of strength,
Can face almost anything,
And can look forward,
To what the future will possibly bring…

{©2008 Jan Brooks}

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When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself. – Wayne Dyer

Many years ago when I was young, I got summoned for jury duty. Summoned — that’s an interesting word. It doesn’t mean invited, or requested, or even compelled. It means ordered.

I didn’t like being ordered around, being a testosterone-laden young lad.

However the downside seemed to be a bit troublesome, so I went. After sitting in a roomful of equally impatient people for the better part of a day, whoever was in charge came out and said that all juries were filled for the day and we were all dismissed.

We all high-fived each other that we didn’t get stuck on some weeks-long trial and relished in the (newly acquired) knowledge that, having shown up, we were now back at the bottom of the jury call list.

First Lesson

Cooperation has its long term benefits, even if there is a short term cost.

Being at the bottom of the list didn’t mean off the list. So a few years later I was summoned again.

I was a bit older but still young. I had more responsibilities (a wife and a baby) and I was the only breadwinner in the family. Some suggested that I could probably ask to be dismissed just for that reason.

It was true that I didn’t want to be on a jury. However, that was not my reason.

Call it my spiritual outlook at that time, but I couldn’t see myself sitting in judgment of another man. The case we had been called for was for a nineteen year old who was accused of armed robbery. The judge sternly warned us to take this case very seriously because the future of this young man was at stake.

One by one, people in the jury pool asked to be excused. One by one, the judge shot them down.

One man said his company couldn’t do without him. The judge asked if the company had been in business before it employed him. He said yes. So the judge said they did it before, they can do it again.

One woman said she had children. He asked: Are they in school? Do you have a husband? She said yes. He said there are plenty of single parent families getting along; your husband can handle it.

On it went.

I was (and still am, I suppose) a rather conservative looking white male. I was sitting in the back row in a suit and a tie. Next to me was what I imagine you could say was an older version of me. We were looking at the defendant: a shackled young black man in a jailhouse orange jumpsuit.

As I was pondering what I was going to say to this hard-nosed judge, the man next to me leaning over and whispered, “I wonder what he did.”

That knocked me out of my reverie.

I had been looking at the sad-faced kid on trial but now I looked at this man. Everybody thinks this is the man I am going to be in 25 years.

He’s probably an upstanding citizen. He keeps his lawn mowed and his car in good repair. He shows up for work every day and doesn’t take home the paperclips.

And I disliked him.

I disliked him for those five little words. I looked him in the eye and replied, “Maybe nothing. That’s why there’s a trial.”

When my turn came, I told the judge simply that my conscience would not allow me to sit in judgment of another man.

He replied, “So it’s a conscience matter?”

I said, “Yes, your honor.”

He ruled directly, “I’ll excuse you.”

And so I walked out of that courtroom with a bunch of envious eyes upon me.

Second Lesson

Be true to yourself and it will all work out.

I pondered a lot after that. Could I really not weigh the facts and make a call?

After all, the American justice system requires that guilt be found only “beyond a reasonable doubt.”

I was reasonable. Couldn’t I just use my head?

I decided that yes, yes I could. If I ever got called again, I determined I would not ask to be excused. Of course, I would have been a defense attorney’s dream come true.

But that wasn’t my call. Let them dismiss me, I wasn’t going to dismiss myself.

It has been 25 years. I have never been called again.

Third Lesson

Growth doesn’t necessarily mean getting more hard line, in fact it is often just the opposite.

The years have continued to roll and I continue to grow. I respect those who are willing to serve their community in various capacities.

Sometimes they are open to doing things that I would not be open to doing. Of course some people would like to be on a jury because they want to punish someone, anyone.

Some folks would like to be a police officer so they could order people around at the point of a gun. Fortunately, such motives don’t prevail but they are sadly too common. We all have to check our intent.

Today, I am back to my original stand, if for far different reasons. I believe that not only do we have no right to sit in judgment of others; we are profoundly unqualified to do so.

Wait, don’t I have far more life experience than the 23-year-old me that first got called? Of course. That’s why I am now certain of this.

I have written elsewhere about assessment vs. judgment, so you could say that I grasp that I could make a call about a case. I make such calls every day, we all do.

But judgment is another matter.

I will leave such duties to those whose clear consciences allow them to carry them out with their best intentions. I have a notion that as I continue on this path of growth and expansion, one day I will return and be willing to sit on a jury of my peers.

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Some days it is a heroic act just to refuse the paralysis of fear and straighten up and step into another day. – Edward Albert

When I woke up this morning only one thought went through my mind: I get another day.

I get another day to kiss my wife
To laugh with my children
To share my heart
And to dream.

I get another day to enjoy the small things
To sing in my car
To savor the last bite
And to take one more breath.

I get another day to make someone smile
To stumble on happiness
To smell the rain
And to be thankful for one more day.

What about you? What will you do with another day?

Please spread the message about the beautiful gifts another day can bring. It’s easy to join the #AnotherDay Movement:

• Tweet how you will enjoy or give thanks for another day and then add the hashtag #anotherday. You can follow my Tweets here.
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• Before you go, please be sure to share in Comments below how you will show gratitude for another day. (Reading by email? Click through to the site to share.)

#AnotherDay

I get another day to be stronger
To get back up when I fall down
To run in the sun
And to be free from the past.

I get another day to live without fear
To silence my doubts
To be who I was made to be
And to never give up hope.

I get another day to serve others
To watch my sons claim their lives
To witness my daughters change the world
And to feel Mary Beth next to me.

Another day to love
Another day to take in life’s blessings
Another day to worship life’s sweetness
I get another day.

What about you? What will you do with another day?

New from Guy Finley! Discover the Secrets of Being Unstoppable! End stress and worry. Sweeten your relationships. Love your life. Guy Finley’s new 14-hour package will transform your life – guaranteed.