A Great and Many Things

31 Days T/G/G :: Day 3

2013-05-03T13:01:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, I lost it.

Twice. Thrice. I don't know, a few times at least.

In what kind of crazy world does this sweet face make a mama cry?

For a moment, I thought the hormones had come back. Those nasty, ucky, terrible awful hormones. But no, it wasn't them. It was just feelings.

I'm learning, through this whole mothering thing, that all too often I examine my feelings only enough to realize that they're there, and then I hand them the reins and allow them to sweep me away. I'm scared... I'm tired... I'm fed up... I'm uncertain.

Yesterday, I looked down at RG, chillin' on her changing pad, and I cried. I told her that I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know why she was waking up after only 28 minutes, since she was clearly still tired. I told her I didn't know if I should be doing anything differently, or if she needed to do things differently. I told her that I didn't know how I was supposed to be taking care of her, and her Daddy, keeping the house, walking the dog, and doing my own work. I told her I didn't know what to do. And I told her I didn't know why I was crying.

So while I took care of my sweet girl, I decided it was time to name the problem. There is great power in naming the problem. That's the truth for today. "I'm scared" is not enough. Why? What are you scared of? Name it, so that then you can deal with it. I remember when I named my fears. Then I dealt with them. Their power over me evaportated. Poof.

The problem's name was "Nothing is going like I expected it to". RG wasn't napping like I expected her to. Handsome's paramedic class had been extended by 2 weeks, and wouldn't be ending like we expected it to. I wasn't getting nearly as much done as I thought I should; at least, not as much as I expected to. It was a mess of broken and bruised expectations that was weighing me down. At one point I looked at Handsome and told him the name of my problem. I asked him, "How do you just not expect anything?" He had no answer for me.

Today, things are still not going how I expect them to. But that's okay. That's what grace is for. And today's gift? Today's gift belongs to my hard-working and thrill-seeking husband:

<3 M.

31 Days T/G/G :: Day 2

2013-05-02T07:12:00.000-04:00

Hmm... today's truth... today's grace... today's gifts... NAPS. That'd have to be the lesson for today. I don't know much (but I know I love you), but I'll share what I've got!

Does it hurt your eyes to look at a picture so blurry?
It sort of makes mine water & squint...

Today's Truth: It is not my job to make her sleep. It is my job to give her an environment that is conducive to sleep. It is my job to interact with her when she's awake so that she gets tired. It is my job to give her opportunities to sleep. It is not my job to make her sleep. Only Jesus & Riley can make that magic happen. I was going to write "and benadryl" up there, but thought perhaps its not so funny... and perhaps you might judge me...

Today's *BONUS* Truth: Every day is not a foreshadowing of the next 100. Last week, she was napping for only 37 minutes, or 28 minutes, or sometimes 54 minutes, and I was feeding her every 2-2 1/2 hours, and it was exhausting. And there were a few moments when I went back to brand-new-mom-Mariah and thought "Oh no! She's never going to sleep again! I've ruined her habits and she's a terrible napper and she'll not sleep until she's 16!" But I reined myself in and remembered the truth I had learned back in those dark & dismal first weeks - One day does not predict the next, for good or ill.

Today's Gift: She's started napping better. Wait, no, that contradicts Today's *BONUS* Truth. Today she napped better. Tomorrow, it could go either way. But today, she napped better, and I got to get about 6 loads of laundry folded, made 2 dresses for my bambina (neither of which fit over her ginormous head), and got some programming work done.

The gray & peach, so pretty.
0% chance of fitting her.
Trust me, no alteration would be enough.
The polkadot, its ugly.
That fabric, its pretty much the nastiest polyester known to man.
The bodice makes her arms look like an out-of shape construction worker's arms

Somebody get that girl a jackhammer
Throw in some jeans that don't quite cover the ole' bum crack while you're at it.
And a hoagie.
She's going to need a hoagie for lunch.

Grace for today? I didn't get every thing done. That's hard for me to deal with. Its not hard for me to go to bed with things undone, because I'm a champ at going to bed. But its hard for me to feel pleased with my day when there's so much undone. I'm going to instead focus on the good things that did get done, and give myself a pass on the rest.

And that may be all I need to know.

<3 M.

31 Days of Truth/Grace/Gifts

2013-05-01T07:09:00.004-04:00

Maybe its because I just couldn't decide. Or maybe its because I need more than just one thing in these 31 days. I'm not really sure. All I know is that I do need grace, for myself, for others, and even just to recognize it. And truth, oh, sweet truth. Its like cold water to my very thirsty mouth. Which I'm sure no one has ever said better, ever. And the gifts part, well, its not like presents. More like recognizing the gifts in each day.

Here's how it goes:

Truth for the day: Handsome & I need to pay attention to each other, without the Riley factor, if we're going to truely enjoy this whole baby thing. And by "this whole baby thing" I pretty much mean "the raising of our children", which is kinda looking like it could also be called "the rest of our lives". So we need time by ourselves to just be us. And, this little nugget is for me: I need to make sure that when I'm giving him my attention that I'm giving him ALL of my attention. Not listening to him but interrupting with an unrelated question about RG because I wasn't paying attention, or checking my phone to see if everything is okay with her, or whatever. Nope. He deserves to have all of me.

Grace for the day: If grace is getting a gift you don't deserve, then my grace yesterday was when a friend volunteered to babysit for us so that Handsome & I could go celebrate THE END OF ALL CLINICAL HOURS EVER. It was needed. It was great. I didn't worry about if RG would be okay. I knew they'd either get along just fine, or RG would cry for the 3 hours we were gone, and we'd fix it when we got home. Worst case scenario, right? And they did great.

Gift for the day: This girl. Oh my. She might show up in this category more than once. So for now, I'm going to only list her toes as my gift for the day. They're delicious. They're ridiculous. So so cute!

So that's kind of how I see this going. A little of column A, a little of column B, a little of column C. Maybe some days won't have all 3. Some days might be encouraging, some chastising (to me, not you!), but I'm going to try & do all 31 days. Happy May, my homies.

<3 M.

Expecting Again

2013-04-29T10:50:00.002-04:00

Nope. Still not it. Not a baby. Even though my ~~apparently insane~~ sweet husband said to RG the other morning, "Riley girl, you need a baby brother." To which I respond really? REALLY? As though she's not still a baby?? Yes, really. He really said that. But no. Not a baby. We're talking expectations. Again.

See, husband?
That's a baby you're holding right thar.
A giant baby, yes, but she's still a baby.
BAE-BEE.
Babies do not need baby brothers.
I don't know how much more clear I can be on that point.

Sometimes I wonder how I can still be learning this same lesson. How can it be taking me so long to figure this out. But somehow I am. Expecting things of myself. Expecting things of Riley, of Husband, of Duke. Things like for RG to take a longer-than-twenty-seven-minutes nap, or for myself to have time to blog, and ideas to write about. Expecting Handsome to just know that I feel a little trapped sometimes and need time out of the house. Expecting a schedule to emerge from our chaos, because "they" say it does. Bah. I see no schedule. I see no "regular" day.

I know that you say I'm "ahead of the curve" and "doing great". Thanks for that. But at the same time, it still feels so much like floundering. Like groping my way along in the dark. I'm tired of feeling like I am missing the mark. I don't think much is actually going to change around here with regards to that, but I know that I can change my perspective. And I'm going to do it on here, on this b-log, so that (1) I stay accountable to working on it, (2) I have easy fodder for blog posts [just being real] and (3) we can all see the faithfulness of God as he works out my heart and teaches me grace and peace. So in May, I'm going to attempt to do a 31-days thing, where I talk about the same thing for 31 days. *YAY*

I'm not telling you the actual 31-days topic yet because ~~I'm not exactly sure what is needed to combat these unreasonable and totally without-grace expectations~~ everyone loves a surprise, right? But be sure to check back on May 1 when I kick it off! Happy end of April, y'all.

xoxo, M.

Off The Table

2013-04-25T09:38:00.002-04:00

It is rare for my table to be cleared off. Takes a large amount of work on my part to get it that way. You'd think it would take a large amount of work to get it as cluttered as it always is, but really, it seems that that's the easy part.

Baby! Whatchoo dooin on da table!?
Get yooself off da table!

I'm not talking about the physical table, though. I know, you're on the edge of your seat, waiting to see where I take this metaphor. Here's the deal. Ever since RG was born, I've been flirting with the idea of not finishing my PhD. I love love love being a Mama. Were I independently wealthy, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't finish. I'd stay home and be a Mama and sell things online and make butter and chat with you all on here. It would be a lovely existence. However, I'm not independently wealthy. SURPRISE! So while living the dream is all well and good, living in dreamland is not.

Without further ado, I hereby take the Quitting of My PhD off of the metaphorical table. Similarly to how, when I married Handsome, we took the option of divorce off of the table, I have to totally eliminate this option. Leaving it there, floating around in the back of my mind, would just be straight up torture. It leaves the option of an easy out, and that's not okay here. I have to fully commit if I'm going to make this work. As I've said, I'm not 100% sure that I want to make this work, but there's a bunch of smart people in my life that are all saying that I'll regret it if I don't, and I'm just going to have to trust them on this.

In case any of you were wondering, I did also take my daughter off of the literal, physical table. Because we're all about safety first around here.

<3 M.

Riley Says: Lets Get Ready to Woombie

2013-04-22T13:44:00.000-04:00

***UPDATE: Riley says "Hey Jenny Rack-o-van! You're the winner of the original woombie! Hope your bambino loves it as much as I love mine!" ***

Riley says "Hey!"

Riley says "Hope you're having a great Monday!"

Riley says "I love the woombie. Like, seriously love it. Like I love my mama. But don't tell my mama."

Riley says "Let me tell you all the ways I love the woombie."

I love the Original Woombie in the Newborn size.
Even though I only got to wear it for a few weeks.

I love the Woombie Air.
It keeps me nice and cool when the days are warm.

I love the Original Woombie in the Big Baby size.
I love it in gray.
I love gray.
NOTE: She isn't always happy when she first gets slipped into her woombie.
It doesn't mean (a) that she doesn't like it [she does] or (b) that it won't work for her [it does].
Sometimes she just needs to struggle a bit before settling down.

Here's our Woombie story: RG has been swaddled in some way since day one. Helps her sleep, calms her when she's fussy, keeps her nice and snug. We started out using blankets, then switched to Halo Angel Wings Sleep Sack. That was working fine for us, until RG decided to be a giant and outgrew it. Also, she was pretty wiley when it came to getting her hands out and waking herself up, which was becoming a problem.

The first few weeks, every product we used, every routine we implemented, every breath we took was focused on getting Riley to sleep. The longer, the more sound the sleep, the better. So the whole "Oh, Mom! Look at me! I've got my hands out and now I'm smacking myself in the face with them and waking myself up" thing was a non-starter. And then some friends of ours whose daughter was 3 weeks older than ours told us that they had been given a Woombie and their girl was sleeping like a champ.

Well, in the middle of the night not many nights later, I purchased a woombie (or two!). They came before long, and I was so excited to try them out on her that I didn't even wash them first. I know, I should have. But I was reeeeely looking forward to some sleep. I woombied her (Its a verb now. Embrace it.), did our little pre-sleep ritual, and laid my princess down.

And she slept.

And she's been sleeping ever since. Not literally, as that would be sleeping for weeks straight and is unhealthy. MOTY, here I come. Anyhow, every time she goes down, she's woombied. Today we very nearly had a serious issue, as all 3 of her Woombies were in the laundry. So we had to improvise with a sleep sack. It worked in a pinch, but it doesn't stretch like the woombie does. It also doesn't have the snazzy two-way zipper that the woombie does that makes it super easy for middle-of-the-night diaper changes. Not that I know anything about middle-of-the-night diaper changes anymore, since RG is making it a habit to (wait for it!) Sleep Through The Night.

Ghetto Woombie Substitute

I credit the Woombie, BabyWise parenting, and my mad awesome mothering skills with this success. Oh, and prayers. Ending every prayer (meals, bedtime, whenever) with "And please let Riley sleep" has to have some effect as well. But seriously, baby girl loves her swaddle. When she wears the woombie, she's able to get her hands up to her mouth still, which allows her to soothe herself, but she still feels snug, secure, and doesn't startle. Its ah-mazing.

Since the Woombie is so fabulous, and since its a beautiful Monday, and since the Woombie company, Practical Yet Fabulous Products by KB Designs is also fabulous (its kind of their middle name), you have the opportunity to have a woombie yourself. Now, people have asked, and no, they do not come in adult sizes. I'm sorry about that. There's no help for it. But they do offer woombies in sizes Preemie through Giant Baby, which I'm anticipating putting RG in before much longer. This giveaway will run through Wednesday, April 24 at 11:59 PM. Here's how to enter!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Also, in case you're a person who cares about these things, the Woombie has won all sorts of radical awards, which you can read about on their website. And if you can't wait to see if you've won and you need a woombie, STAT, you can click on that woombie button on my sidebar and go order yourself one (or 3)! This is the last giveaway for a while, and regularly scheduled things will resume shortly. You're welcome.

<3 M.

p.s.- I bought my first woombies, and then I emailed KB Designs and told them how much I liked their product and that I wanted to do a giveaway, and they sent me another woombie to do a review on. Its the gray one. Just so you know how this went down.

p.p.s.- If you don' t have a baby in your life to win a woombie for (which would have been a much better giveaway name, dang it!), you could win a woombie for me! That might be against the rules, but I'm just saying, there's people in your life who need a woombie.

Everyday October Winner

2013-04-20T07:17:00.001-04:00

Thank you to all who entered both for your support of my blog and helping me spread the word about how EO is awesome. I wish you all could win, I really do. But your can't.

In case you missed it on facebook, the winner from the Everyday October giveaway its one Laurie Dodson. Laurie Dodson, come on down! And by "come on down" I mean "wait to be contacted by the ago owner", but that just doesn't have the same ring to it. No flow, ya know?

I'm writing this from my phone, and I am unsure of how its going to work, so please excuse any formatting issues and the obvious lack of potties. I meant pictures. Gotta love auto-correct.

<3 M

Shots!

2013-04-16T08:56:00.001-04:00

***Don't forget about the giveaway from Everyday October going on HERE***

Good morning princess!

We're headed out to get RG her 2 month shots. I feel a little bad, seeing as she was so smiley and happy this morning. I feel like I should have prepared her somehow. I can tell her about it, and perhaps I will warn her about what is to come, but I don't think it'll help much. Maybe I'll just sing it to her...

<3 M.

#RG at 2 Months and a Giveaway

2013-04-15T06:03:00.000-04:00

Two months, little one. Well, technically 9 weeks now. Somehow, saying it in weeks makes it feel shorter than saying it in months. I finally feel like I know you. I know that you like your music loud, and prefer the Dropkick Murphys to silence. I know that you only like to be awake for about 1 1/2 hours, and then you're ready to sleep again. I know that you have a smile for everyone, including the wall (really bursts your bubble when you think she's saved her smile for you, then you find her flashing it at a random corner of her crib, as well).

You've slept through the night, a handful of times, and I've appreciated every single one of them. You don't grasp things, at least not physically, but when I explain to you the difference between mean, median, and mode, it seems like you really understand. You're still much more interested in the dog than he is in you, and that's okay. You still cry when I put you down to sleep, but only for a few minutes. You wake up happy most of the time. You wear size 2 diapers and just grew out of 0-3 mo. clothing. All in all, you're a fabulously fabulous baby.

Its crazy how fast time has flown. It doesn't seem as though she's been here that long, but at the same time, it seems perfectly reasonable that she would be here, like she belongs. Because, I guess, she does.

One thing that I've found myself doing a heck of a lot more of since baby girl arrived 9 weeks ago, other than laundry, is taking pictures. I've taken hundreds of pictures, possibly even thousands in these few short (I wrote "shew fort" the first time) months. They're so fun to look at and I'm picking some to be printed, because there's just something about a printed picture. And in a lot of my pictures, I've had the chance to use these super cute blocks!

Baby girl was hamming it up!

The title of this post promised a giveaway, and I'm no shirker. So what I've got for you today is a Reader's Choice from my sponsor, Everyday October. One reader will win either a sweet set of pink, black, & gray blocks (shown above), or a $20 giftcard to EO's shop. These blocks would be great for baby pictures, as I've been using them for, or for kiddos in school. Heck, I might even take my birthday picture with mine from now on. They also make bomb-phenom shower gifts, just FYI.

To win, enter with Rafflecopter below! Winner will be announced Friday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

<3 M.

Today :: Sunday Confessions

2013-04-14T16:25:00.001-04:00

My grass is longer than my neighbors. Not just one neighbor. All the neighbors. Well, nearly all the neighbors. There's one house 3 doors up that looks like either (a) someone is dead inside or (b) a killer lives there. Suffice to say, their yard is the only redeeming thing about my yard. On the flip side, Mary's yard is all dressed up like its throwing a party. B-e-a-utiful!

I feel old. Yesterday I met some of my neighbors kids. They chatted with me for a bit, and one of them proudly informed me that she's a certified babysitter. I was once a certified babysitter. My, how the times have changed.

I've put in my garden, but I'm not planting tomatoes this year. Or zucchini. Its as though everything my parents taught me about gardening has just been thrown out the window. This year, its straight root vegetables, with the exception of peppers. Gypsy Mama, Spicy Fajita, Giant Jalepeno, and Serrano are my only above-ground producers. Under the dirt, I've got onions, green onions, carrots, beets, radishes, and potatoes. Well, not potatoes yet, I still need to get those in the ground.

I don't eat beets. Or radishes. I planted them purely because they're a root vegetable and root vegetables are fun to pull up. I hope to find something to do with them after I've pulled them up. Preferably something other than throwing them for Duke to fetch.

be still my heart.
I love when he looks at me like that.

I didn't run in the Mud Run, but Handsome did. I was bummed to not do it, but at least he loved the experience enough that he wants to do it again, so I'm hopeful that my mud running days are not over.

My eating habits are atrocious. I ate cereal for lunch. I ate lunch at 3:40. I ate cereal for a snack at 3:52. Call it second lunch, if that makes it better. Sounds like I'd better make a guilt smoothie for dinner.

I've got a kitchen table piled high with baby clothes, since RG decided she was done with the 0-3 size whilst we were in PA. I've also got a duffle bag full of my clothes that need to be unpacked, and towels that need to be folded. It appears my housekeeping skills are going the way of my eating habits.

I am tired. Not exhausted, but tired, and for no very good reason. RG slept 10 1/2 hours last night. It was great, but somehow I'm still pooped. I'm racking my brain, trying to figure out how to make it happen again tonight, so that I can (hopefully) feel rested tomorrow.

I skipped RG's 9 week pictures. I hope I remember today. Let it go too long, and suddenly you're closer to 10 weeks than you are to 9, then you've given up the weeks altogether and you're only capturing the months, but then that's too much pressure and you satisfy yourself with bi-yearly pictures... I'm just not ready to go down that road yet.

And.... I'm done. I'm sure there's more for me to confess, but I'm kind of tired, as I mentioned, and should probably do something about either my atrocious eating habits or lax housekeeping skills. Tune in tomorrow for some pictures of RG and a list of all the baby goodies we used & loved these first 2 months. Who knows, there might be a giveaway in it for you... (hint: there is!)

<3 M.

Hey! Ho! I'm Home!

2013-04-13T11:56:00.003-04:00

Did you hear my sigh last night? You know, around 1:45 in the A-to-the-M, when #RG & I finally made it in the door, back at home after nearly 2 weeks of visiting the Great North. I thought maybe you might have heard it. It was with mixed emotions that we boarded the plane to come back to the sweet sweet South, as we had to say goodbye to so many people we love dearly, and yet I knew that my bomb-phenom husband would be waiting at the other terminal when we disembarked.

Goodbye, lovely family & friends. Thanks for the good times.

Hello, love of my life.

That sort of thing.

NOTE: You can travel with as much milk for your baby as you can carry, in case you needed to know that. You should also know that, were you to (hypothetically) wear your baby through the airport, in a carrier that resembles what bombers in movies wear, you will be stopped for a hand test, you will have to hand your bags of breastmilk over for density analyzation, and you will have your checked baggage randomly checked. Yes sir, Mr. TSA Dude. That's just breastmilk. Yes, from my boobs. So glad you could handle it. I feel we're somehow closer now...

But we did say goodbye and then hello, and we did make it home, and we're here now. And can I just say, Holy Cannoli! Apparently the Upstate decided to throw me a welcome back party, as everything that was mere buds when I left two weeks ago is now in full bloom. I'm about to walk over to my window and throw up the sash, letting in the intoxicating smell of the dogwood in the backyard. I can't hardly stand how fabulous it is outside today.

I'm hoping to pick up some things for gardening, and maybe let #RG feel the (crab)grass beneath her toes. What are you up to this lovely lovely weeekend?

<3 M.

In Search Of :: a Web Developer

2013-04-07T21:52:00.000-04:00

So...

I did not make this.
She did.
I'd like to, though.

A while back, AKA - when RG was born, someone told me they were praying for God to give me the desires of my heart. In my sleep deprivation (which is not currently happening, since my little bundle of joy has slept through the night the past 4 nights in a row! Take that, jinx!), I was grateful, but realized I had no idea what the desire of my heart was.

So I got to thinking.

And wondering.

And finally, desiring.

I've got big dreams, now. Desires of my heart. And part of that dream is to be a stay-at-home mom. I'm loving, LOVING mommyhood. However, since my dream does not include my handsome husband working 4 jobs, I'm still likely going to need to generate some income. Since I'm dreaming here, I've decided that I'd like to generate that income doing stuff that I love. Ergo, I've been thinking about reopening an online shop. However, I plan to go big or go home, and so I've decided its time for a blog makeover, as well as a logo and things like this. Something that says (mostly to me, but also to the world at large) that I mean business up in here.

But I don't know how to do that. Its not my gift. Sewing zippers into the sides of a dress 45 minutes before a wedding so it can function as nursing-friendly attire, I can do. Planning out and executing web design, not so much.

So...

Who's got some names for me? People I could email, or who designed your webpage, perhaps. Tell me about any successful experiences you've had, either in the comments, or email me at agreatandmanythings(at)gmail.com. Alternatively, tell me who's logo/design you like, and why. Inquiring minds need to know!

<3 M.

Holed Up

2013-04-05T16:11:00.001-04:00

We're spending the day holed up, hanging with extended family and enjoying spending time together without classes, fire calls, or any other demands on our time. In a word: Bliss.

My heart: Exploding with happiness

We're planning on a little more of this this weekend, with some family weddings and lots of snuggle time. If your weekend is even half as awesome, we'll all come out winners. Here's hoping!

<3 M.

Wanting Lately

2013-04-04T09:50:00.002-04:00

A garden. Its time. I've put it off for longer than I probably should have, being as we've had the nicer weather already. But now, the itch has grown into a full-blown want, and I'm ready to get back out in the garden. This year, I'm thinking all root vegetables, and maaaaybe peppers. I'm through growing tomatoes, seeing as we don't eat them - I just grow them to see all of the color change. And I've killed off my zucchini 2 years in a row (seriously, who kills zucchini?), and I'm considering going for the hat trick. So potatoes, carrots, onions, sweet potatoes are a sure thing, and maybe peppers and ill-fated zucchini. That's my plan. Now if only I could find the gumption to execute it...

The dirt.
It calls to me.
Please ignore the deplorable state of our lawn.
All of our neighbors do.

Colored Pencils. Oh, and a sketch pad, with the nice paper and big blank spaces that are begging to be filled with ideas and brilliance. Guess I should add "brilliance to fill the pages with" to my list, while I'm asking. I've been toying with the idea of running an online shop again, and selling bags (like last time) and baby things (this would be new). I've got big ideas and burgeoning plans (totally just spelled burgeoning right, Yahtzee!), and I want a cool & professional-looking sketch book to make these plans in. It'd feel legit, and you know I love feeling legit, if only for a short time.

These seem legit
I'm also gonna need a pencil sharpener.
That is, if they even make those anymore.

My own plane & pilot. We recently drove up to PA, to see our family and introduce Riley to them and all sorts of Northern germs, as previously mentioned. The drive, which I've made in 9h50m, and google says will take 10h34m (but not 2AM-G), took a leetle over 16 hours. Not cool. So I think I'd like a personal pilot to take us places. Yes, that would be sufficient. At least until teleporting is made available to the public.

A date with my husband. Nevermind that we just spent 16 hours in the car together. That maybe sorta mighta coulda have been thought of as a date, but I think I would have needed to warm to the idea beforehand. I'm thinking maybe a nice dinner out (with dessert, since March is over and I'm eating that again!) and a trip to the gun range? Because that spells romance for us.

To bake. I haven't baked lately (except for royally screwing up my favorite bread recipe that I never ever screw up), and I'm missing it like candy. Except more like missing it like cupcakes. Lucky for me, CakeWeek 2013 is coming up. Which means I'll be baking my socks off. Please take this as fair warning - things are going to get sugary up in here (up in here!). It's going to be a little different from last year, but if you'd like to see what last year had to offer, please see here and here and here and here and here and here...

What about you lately?

<3 M.

On Taking A Mulligan

2013-04-02T07:00:00.000-04:00

This entire motherhood of mine (You know, all 7w, 3d of it. I'm a pro.), I've been resisting a battle. Not with Riley Girl. I refuse to look at that as a battle. But I've been fighting, all the same, and against engaging the wiliest of opponents - The Jinx.

This Jinx (pronounced: jinks) is not like his friendly, we-said-the-same-thing-at-the-same-time-so-"jinx!"-now-you-owe-me-a-pop-and-by-pop-I-mean-soda cousin. No. This Jinx hangs around every conversation you have, and sticks his obnoxious self into every good thing you say about your baby. Everyone feels the need to remind you not to "jinx" yourself. Examples include:

"She really doesn't spit up that much."

"I've managed to find time to shower pretty much every day."

"She should have about an hour left on that nap, so we're good."

"I think she's sleeping, I don't hear any crying."

For the most part, I've resisted him. I refuse to refuse to say something good, just because of a superstition that then it will stop happening. The thinking (and I use the term loosely) goes along the lines of "Yes, she really hasn't been spitting up that much, but if you point it out then she's going to start." Because she meant to but forgot? Because good things can't last? Because she realized a missed opportunity to be ornery? (That last one could be attributed to her Daddio, but not to her, not yet.)

Anyhow, last week, I mentioned to mi Madre that "We really haven't had a bad night yet." As in, she's never woken up to eat at night and wanted to stay up and play. And she really hadn't. She never had her nights mixed up (for which I am eternally grateful, and which I attribute to my constant prayer while she was in utero, "Please, God, just let her sleep."). I said it, and then Mamma & I laughed because, despite my insistence to not give into Mr. Jinx, we both sort of felt the need to say "don't jinx it!" after that comment. Ha ha. Isn't that so funny. Gotta fight the Jinx, you know.

Ha ha. Ha.

Guess who wasn't laughing that night?

Couldn't you just die?
Maybe its just me, but she SLAYS me.

Since that night, which interrupted our 6-day streak of 5-hour stretches (if that makes any sense to you) with waking ever 3 hours, it's been a crapshoot up in here. One night, she woke every 4 hours. The next, only once, with a 5-hour stretch on either side. The next, she Slept. Through. The. Night, y'all. Ah-mazing. This was then quickly followed by waking every 3 hours, with an hour of "But I don't wanna sleep!" yelling from 3a-4a. There's no predictability, despite the (admittedly neurotic) schedule I've had her on. Same wake-up time every day. 3 hours between feedings. Down by 7:30. Dream feed at 9:25. All of this careful planning doesn't seem to affect her middle-of-the-night wake-ups.

So today, we're taking a mulligan. In case you don't golf, a mulligan is when you can't find your ball/hit your ball into a terrible spot, so you add an extra stroke to your score, and drop your ball in a more convenient place (that's a loose translation from Golf Digest, I promise. Not really.). Today, we're taking a mulligan with the naps. I had been waking my darling angel like clockwork. I'd be all, "Hey Riley Girl! Time to wake up! It's been 2 hours and 53 minutes since you last ate! Aren't you excited to wake up?!" and she'd be all like,

'scuse me?

Are you talking to me?

Are YOU?
Talkin' to ME?

I aughta punch you, mother, right in the mouth for waking me up.

Today, I'm letting her go. Dropping the ball, but on purpose. To see what sort of schedule her little body would like to be keeping. I mean, I totally made up the 3-hour thing. No reason not to change and make up something different. Besides, starting tomorrow, we're going to be visiting relatives and introducing Riley Girl to all sorts of germs and strange people, with no regimented schedule in sight. Figured all of my (admittedly, again, neurotic) planning is going to fall apart anyhow, and the nights can't be any more chaotic (JINX!), may as well embrace it.

Have you taken a mulligan recently? Do you have better captions for those 4 photos? Either way, I'd love to hear from you!

<3 M.

A Mixed Bag

2013-04-01T13:01:00.000-04:00

***Notice: Since Google something-or-other is quitting, if you'd like to "follow" this here blog, you can find me on Bloglovin! Follow my blog with Bloglovin***

Precious moments, like this one.
Where my little bunny totally ignores the creepy bunny.
Easter win!

We've got precious moments happening up in here. Like her little hands reaching out for me. And the way she smiles when we sing Some Nights together (we listen to the censored version. there's one word I'd rather RG not hear. or me, for that matter. Also, the way the lead singer dances, that's what I look like at church on Sunday mornings. Sometimes the music just moves you, ya know?). Her little sigh just before she gives up the fight and decides that maybe sleeping wouldn't be the worst thing ever. They happen, and usually daily. When her little cheek is next to mine and I think ahead to all the years to come when we'll hug and that same cheek will be smushed against mine and then I die from a heart too full of love and sentimentality.

And then we've got the other moments. The moments that current moms don't tell moms-to-be. Moments like when your darling daughter, who has given you 6 nights in a row with a 5-hour stretch of sleep, decides instead to wake up every 3. Or moments like when you've just changed your shirt, once again, when you get hit with, yes, another round of heavage (definition: baby heaves (spits up) into your cleavage. Heavage. You can thank my mom for that one.). Or when you really thought you were going to sit down with your favorite husband, finally spend a little quality time together, but baby wakes early from her nap and is inconsolable. Moments like that.

Hard to believe she's 7 weeks.
Even harder to believe that I actually stuffed her into that obviously too-small onesie.
Inconceivable!

Its a mixed bag.

It used to bother me that everyone felt the need to add "but I wouldn't trade it for anything" to the end of any complaining about how hard it can be with a baby. It sounded like an obligatory statement, that they felt they had to say so I wouldn't assume they're bad parents. Of course you're not going to trade your child(ren) for a solid night's sleep. Or the ability to leave the house without a diaper bag. Or a small glass of moonshine (I was going to say wine, but we're in rural SC. Gotta keep it real.).

But now I know. Those parents were reminding themselves. That even though its crazy and hard and crazy hard, and sometimes the thought of an uninterrupted dinner out or staying up past bedtime and not paying for it later seems like a holy grail, you really wouldn't trade. You wouldn't. Because even though there's the hard moments, there's the other moments, the precious ones. And they're taking up the most room in that mixed bag of yours.

RG would like you to know that those cutesy blocks over there are made by her Auntie Cara.
She'd also like you to know that Auntie Cara has an online shop.
It's called Everyday October.
That is all.

<3 M.

Suspended

2013-03-29T09:44:00.000-04:00

I've already posted once about facebook this week. That was this week, right? Either way, it's not going to be my habit to talk about FB on here, but I read something on there this morning, and it touched my heart. I just had to share it with you.

Two words: Suspended Coffee.

There's an article on it here, which is different from what I read on facebook, but it explains the premise. In case you don't like clicking on links, I'll also explain the premise. You go to your coffee shop. You say "I'd like 3 coffees. One for me, two suspended." You pay for 3. You get 1. You leave. You've not been ripped off. You've donated two coffees, so that if someone comes by later who is cold, or tired, or worn down, and they would like a coffee but cannot pay, they can still have one.

It doesn't have to be coffee, y'all. Think about where this could go. Suspended sandwiches. Suspended pancakes. Suspended Prius. Okay, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. But I love this. Some would call it "paying it forward". I call it love. Loving those around you, even though you don't know who they are.

Another bonus? The person who gets the suspended __(whatever)__ doesn't have to ask for a handout. They don't have to say "can I have some free food because I'm poor and needy." They just ask "Do you have any suspended __(whatevers)__?" It might not be much different, but its different enough. And, for the skeptics/concerned citizens/my husband, you know that your money has gone towards what you meant for it to go towards, and not booze or baseball tickets.

Wanna know what else? I thought to myself, "I shouldn't write about this today. It has nothing to do with Easter. I should write about something Easter-y." REALLY SELF? Really? Someone else, paying for me before they even met me, taking the cost upon themselves so that I may have a gift? That has nothing to do with Easter? Really????" Apparently, I need my theology checked. Because thinking about it now, I'm 100% sure that suspended coffee has everything to do with Easter.

Easter is about Jesus. (Sorry, Bunny.) It's about how Jesus, the Son of God, came to this earth, lived a blameless life, and yet was willing to allow Himself to be crucified for our sake, and then beat the pants off of death by rising again. It's as though He said to God, "I'll take everyone ever's hope for eternity. Suspended." and then He paid for them. So that later, when I realized I was wretched and in need, I could go to God and say "Do you have any suspended eternities?" God could say, "Why yes, yes I do. Here, have eternal life and a side of Peace now, on Jesus."

Happy Easter, all. Remember that someone else has already paid for you. Be aware of ways you can "suspend" things for others. Much love.

<3 M.

A Tired Desperation :: Sleep Training RG

2013-03-27T10:46:00.000-04:00

**Dear Sleep-deprived Mama who found this while googling at 2AM. Scroll down to the underlined part. That's the crux of the matter, as far as you're concerned. I love you. Good luck.**

Let me tell you about my friend. Her name is 2AM-Google (yes, hyphenated). She had taught me so much these past 6 weeks. Things about breastfeeding and cloth diapers, napping habits (or lack of habits) of newborns, when to introduce a pacifier (once bf-ing is established, as early as 3 weeks if all is going well) and how to get my pre-pregnancy belly back (hint- not happening any time soon). She's kept me informed regarding foods I may want to avoid (pineapple and chocolate) and foods I should eat the heck out of (oatmeal, ginger, and spinach).

I'm sure my search history would be humorous.
I'm also sure glad no one will ever see it, save for those people at google analytics.
You're welcome, google geeks.

Sometimes, though, 2AM-G (as her friends call her) didn't have all the answers. Sometimes, the answer was "that depends on your baby". That made things difficult as RG & I had only known each other a short time. I hated that answer, although it did remind me to pay more attention to my primary source (RG) than any secondary sources (everything else).

Things came to a head when I began trying to figure out when to start teaching RG her first big skill, soothing herself to sleep. One source recommends starting at one week old while another suggests to wait until month 4. What?! So now, not only was 2AM-G telling me that it depended on my baby, she was also giving me conflicting advice. That was a problem.

So 2AM-G and I took a much needed break from each other. Things had gotten too serious too quickly.

I consulted some other sources, such as successful mothers and my own family and as previously mentioned, we started RG's education around week 5. Things are going fairly well now, but there was definitely a learning curve. I've put together some bullet points here of what we did, (a) for remembering purposes, and (b) for other mothers still relying on 2AM-G to find.

NOTE: You have to be ready. We started between weeks 4 and 5. Week 3, I was still a hormonal mess. For us, although it depends on your baby, there was a good bit of crying the first 3 days. I wouldn't have been able to handle that when I had all those hormones coursing through my veins.

We loosely follow Baby Wise, so our routine looks like: RG wakes up. I feed her. She is awake (in her bouncy seat, on my lap, on a blanket on the floor, etc.) for a while (about an hour from wake-up to fussiness). She gets fussy. She goes down for a nap. That's where things get interesting.

To put baby girl down for a nap, she is first changed, then swaddled. I close the curtains, turn on her white noise machine (a lifesaver), and sit down in the rocking chair with her. I sing her our little its-time-to-sleep song, hold her sideways with our bellies against each other, and give her her pacifier. She fusses for a little bit, fighting sleep, and then her eyelids stay to droop. This can take anywhere from 3 to 20 minutes. When she's almost asleep, I take her pacifier away, and hold her a minute longer. Then I take her to her crib (she usually wakes up a bit more here), kiss her and tell her I love her and to go to sleep, then put her down. This is my version of putting her down "drowsy but still awake" as a lot of the sources I read suggested. Then I leave the room, and she starts yelling, which I hate. Makes my heart wrench.

Here's the thing, though. I know she's full. I know her diaper is clean, and I know she's warm enough. I know she's comfortably swaddled, and her hands have not broken free (thank you, Woombie!). I know she was active and stimulated and alert. I know she's kissed and cuddled and loved on. And, most important for this to work, I know she's tired. Saw it with my own eyes. So the only thing she needs now is sleep.

We watch the clock. The first few days, she'd cry for a while. After 10 or 15 minutes, I'd go in, and try to shush her to sleep, holding her little fists and putting my lips close to her ear and shushing. If that didn't calm her, I'd pick her up, give her her paci, repeat the rocking-to-almost-sleep, put her down and leave again. Let her go another 15. Repeat until she falls asleep or its time to feed her again. After the 3rd day, it never came to this. And it didn't happen every nap, even then.

At night, we do a similar thing, with a little different order. Wake, change, feed, rock, down. All done with as little stimulation as possible, so she knows its nighttime and doesn't get too fired up. Crying at night has been minimal, even from the first night.

Now, she still cries every nap. Nine times out of ten, its for less than 10 minutes. Three times out of five, its for less than 5 minutes. Once (and yes, it has only happened once so far), she didn't cry at all. Sometimes at night she doesn't cry at all. I'm looking forward to the day when she its a rareity for her to cry for naps. In the meantime, my girl is getting good rest, and she's waking up happy. She still loves me. She still smiles for me (although rarely for the camera), and she does not in any way seem damaged. I'm sure her daddy and I will do plenty of psyche-affecting things between now and when she moves out at 18, but this doesn't seem to be one of them.

Sweet, tired baby.
She's not this little anymore!
*sob*

If you have any questions, my new momma friends, comment below and I'll try to get back to you quickly! If anyone else has tried similar things, or didn't try sleep training at all, I'd still love to hear about your baby sleep stories. Sharing in the victories or commiserating in the insomnia, its always good to be part of a community!

<3 M.

Cat Person

2013-03-26T10:27:00.000-04:00

I'm not generally a cat person. Kittens are cute, but cats... that's a non-starter.

I hope we can still be friends. I'm willing to overlook it if you are.

But I've found myself becoming a huge fan of the angry cat. Not sure what his name is, but there's all these memes out there (related - I don't know how to pronounce "memes" but I'm pretty sure it means "pictures with captions") featuring a really ticked-off looking cat who says horrible things. Things like:

via

There's a whole bunch of these, in case your Tuesday needs a serious pick-me-up. But my personal favorite is not the official GrumpyCat. Nope. I love this one:

Gets me every time. So I may be becoming a meme-cat person, if that's a thing. Luckily for Handsome, he's not allergic to pictures of cats, so we can all breath easy (see what I did there? Allergies? Breath easy? ha!).

Whats your favorite? Are you a meme-cat person?

<3 M.

An Unreasonably Expectant Mother

2013-03-25T09:15:00.001-04:00

I'm not expecting, not like that. Sillies. We're not even at the 6-week mark yet. But all the same, I've been the other type of expecting mother- one with expectations.

It's kind of impressive to me how far off I was in my expectations. I'm not even sure where I got my ideas of how out should go, "it" being anything to do with my baby girl and her daily goings ons. I didn't even realize how much I expected or of both her and I until I emerged from my hormone-induced fog and could pinpoint what was upsetting me. And I didn't start to feel better until I released ~~some~~ ~~most~~ all of those (unreasonable) expectations.

The Woombie.
AKA - Baby straight jacket.
We love it!

If I expected to get sleep and didn't, I was a wreck. This was probably the hardest one to let go of. Because letting go of an expectation means no longer expecting that thing that you previously expected. In simple terms, I had to not expect to sleep. Which is kind of like expecting to not sleep. Which was terrifying for a little while there. But if I laid RG down, and instead of hoping & wishing for her to sleep, if I said "This probably won't work, but it's worth a try." and she didn't sleep, I was fine. Because that was what I expected. And if she did sleep, when I did't expect her to? Bonus!

Other expectations snuck in in other ways. Like expecting her to be on some sort of a schedule. Or with myself, expecting to be able to take care of RG, keep up with the house, be an awesome wife, and do research, while making quilts and blogging. Turns out I was shooting a leetle high there...

I'd say in life in general, it's great to have high expectations. Dreams. Goals. Whatever. But with a new baby, or in other times of stress and new experiences (pretty sure that one's the key right there...), sometimes shooting for the stars will only make you cry. Sometimes you need to shoot for "not dirt" and then if you get off the ground at all, you've got a win! Once you get experience and can reasonably expect better/more, then you aim a little higher.

For example, as I mentioned here, H & I held out no expectations for attractive children. We were just shooting for "not ugly". Homely would have been okay. "Face only a mother could love"/"Face for radio" would have been no big let-down. And what do we get? Solid gold, baby. A cutie right from the outset.

So that's what I'm learning. Low expectations. Maybe "low" is the wrong word. Reasonable expectations. That's important. Surely I'm not the only one who sets the bar crazy-high. What about you, friend? Set any crazy expectations of brand-new experiences lately? What about you Mommas? Did you expect too much from yourself/baby?

<3 M.

My Freezer Is Running

2013-03-24T20:15:00.000-04:00

So I'd better go catch it... har har har...

I tried to find a picture of a freezer.
One with legs.
Running.
They don't exist.
So I figured Tiny Dancer was a good substitute.
You're welcome.

But no, really. Our chest freezer. The one that sat in our carport for months, before moving to our kitchen for more months, before finally being removed to the laundry room where it rightfully belongs. It's finally running. We were given this freezer many many moons ago, but never had cause to use it.

Until last week.

What happened last week, you ask? A moment of temporary insanity, I believe. Or perhaps it was a moment that payed homage to American ingenuity and the almighty sales pitch. Either way. We bought meat from a guy who drove up to our house with a chest freezer in the back of his pickup and a mouthful of promises. "Best meat [we'll] ever eat" and "This should last you 9-12 months" and "If you don't like it, I'll come back and get it from you".

I'm not telling you how much we bought, because I reserve the right to hide my shame from the public. But let's just say it was enough to fire up the freezer in the basement. I've tried some of the chicken, and it really is quite good... But alas, the jury is still out on this one until we (a) see how long it lasts us and (b) try the fillets. Because you never really know until you try the fillet. That's what I'm telling myself.

What about you? What's the strangest thing you've bought while standing on your front stoop? Or is this just me?

<3 M.

Facebook Is Not A Monster

2013-03-22T09:45:00.000-04:00

I'll admit, there are times that I'm so over facebook. People get all drama-y on there sometimes. People overshare sometimes. People post pictures of things, sometimes, that I wish I could un-see. It's not wine and roses over there, I freely admit it.

She's supposed to be sleeping at this moment.
She's not sleeping.
She's yelling at me.
But this picture tells me she was once happy.
I have hope that she will be happy again.

I've even thought of *gasp* closing my account.

Can I just say, in this new stage of life, with crazy baby hours (the hours are crazy, not the baby!), I'm super thankful for facebook? First of all, I get to put sweet pictures of RG up there, for the world to see. And I'm not so concerned about the world's ability to see them, but rather family far away (as all of our family is). Moms, Grandmas, Uncles, they all get to peek in and keep up with RG's newest fat roll. I know they love it.

And the messages. Like, the private messages you send to people? It's almost like getting a letter in the mail. Except its instant. And you're more likely to receive a message from someone you don't know all that well, but who, hypothetically, knows your mom and heard you were having trouble with sleeping and would like you to, hypothetically, know that she's praying for you and if you have any questions, she's successfully raised 2 girls past the infant stage and would be happy to lend an ear. Hypothetically.

Or maybe you get a message from an old friend. Not that the friend has to be old, but the friendship itself. Maybe you hypothetically get a message from an old-friendship-kind-of-friend. And you message back. And then you repeat. And turns out you're not just old friends, you're still friends. And you support each other and share in each other's struggles and excitement. Like, hypothetically, the expecting of a new bambino (not me, the friend. hypothetically).

So I'm learning that facebook can be used for good, and doesn't have to be used for evil. And by evil, I mean oversharing and "like this page to win a free iPad" and drama and "You have 5 requests for CandyTown". It's giving me a chance to reach out a little more, to expand my circle. And I'm really liking that!

What good have you used facebook for recently?

<3 M.

I'm a Social Introvert

2013-03-17T19:21:00.002-04:00

I've never taken one of those personality tests. They're way too confusing for me. I find myself either wanting to choose more than one answer or completely unable to choose any. I just... I don't fit. I wrote something similar to this a looong time ago. So long ago that I'm feeling unequal to the task of digging through the archives to link to it here, like a good blogger would do.

I do post fabulous pictures, like a good blogger would do.
So perhaps I'm a half-way good blogger.
I wonder if she'll be an innie or an exie...

Anyhow, personality test or no, I've figured it out. I'm a social introvert. I don't know if ~~that's a thing~~ that was a thing before I wrote it, but it is what I am. Social, because I do like people. I don't hate being around people, I like to meet new ones, and friendly strangers pretty much make my day. Seriously, there are few things that make my day quicker.

BUT. But. I need alone time. I don't need friendly strangers, much as I enjoy them. I don't need parties or groups or titillating conversation. I didn't even fully realize how much I crave alone-ness before today, how much I need it. Thanks to my fantastic husband, it happened today. I. Was. Alone. And my soul rejoiced.

Now, my introverted sisters out there know what this means, but for those of you who don't crave silence and solace, let me make this even more poignant for you. Today, for the first time since JUNE (when I found out I was prego), I was alone. There was no little heartbeat hanging around. There was no little sleeping bundle of joy. No. One. Else. Nada.

Husband said, "Hey, how about I watch RG and you can go for a bike ride or something? It's so nice out, you should enjoy it." And then I proposed to him, before I remembered we were already married. So a bike riding I went. It took all of 1.2 minutes for it to sink in, and when I realized it, I started laughing. Out loud. By myself. On a bike. A few more episodes like that and I won't have to try to be alone.

When I got back (all of 19 minutes later - this girl is out of shape!), Handsome asked me if I had done some good thinking or anything, since that's what he does on his runs. Nope. No thinking. Mostly reveling in being by myself, alternating with remembering to breath and where-the-heck-is-the-lower-gear-because-I'm-dying-here. It was bliss.

And now I know. Being around others doesn't refresh my soul the way being alone does. When I talked to my Mum today, she said I sounded rested. Not so much in the "I slept for days" sense, I told her, but I was most decidedly refreshed. Because I was alone today, and I am an introvert. Possibly one of the most social ones ever, but an introvert all the same.

What are you?

<3 M.

On Saturday

2013-03-16T14:38:00.001-04:00

On Saturday...

I woke up after 5, count 'em, FIVE straight hours. FIVE. One, two three, four... Fi-ive! It was amazing. I sort-of kind-of woke up earlier than RG, but only enough to think to my subconscious self, "Gee, I'm sleeping for a long time". Fab. The Fab Five. That's what I'm calling it. The Fab Five hours.

We love sleeping for 5 hours!

I used a shovel. In my garden. Nothing was planted, nothing was really accomplished. But I used a shovel and moved dirt around. It was lovely. Hopefully sometime in the next week or so I'll get a few things planted and going with growing. I really hope so. I love growing things.

How excited am I to put potatoes in here?
SO excited.

Onions, Parsley, and Carrots growing volunteer style.
As in, left-over from last year, no one asked them to grow here, but they "volunteered".
Get it?

I worked on my ~~fitness~~ tan. My awkward tan. The one I had FIVE WEEKS AGO when I went to the hospital to have my bambina. My awkward half-calf-tan, that made me look at my own legs and wonder, "How did my socks leave the bottom half of my legs darker than the rest of my legs?" while I was lying in the hospital, wondering about things.

They're not tan yet, but we're moving in that direction.
You can kind of see the weird line on my right leg, about halfway up.
I'm amazin.

I took pictures of my bambina. Mi princessa. The one who I call "nugget". She's five weeks old, and she's awesome. On top of the Fab Five from last night, she's only been crying a few minutes at nap times. Mostly due to the fact that I rock her so so so close to falling asleep that her eyelids are too heavy and won't let her cry for longer. But whatever. Its working for us, and I didn't have to miss her at all today, we've hung out.

I'm loving this Saturday. What are you doing?

<3 M.

Still Here :: 1 Month

2013-03-14T20:22:00.000-04:00

Hey friends.

How you doing?

We're doing pretty well, I'm pretty sure. RG is working on her fitness. And by "fitness", I mean ever-expanding waistline. And cheek volume. And number of rolls. 2 pounds in 3 weeks? Don't mind if we do!

She can open her eyes, but it's hard work.
I'm pretty sure her eyelids alone weigh 1/2 pound.

This past week has been big goings on in and out of our household. I've discovered that baby girl is portable. Who knew?! And so we've been going and doing. We've also recently acquired (thanks to my midnight/2am/4am-googling) some sweet gear that makes taking baby around with us even easier. I'll share more about that later. But we've traveled and seen and visited. It's been good.

We've also started RG being laid down to sleep while still awake. Which totally frightens me to write, because, as I've discovered in the wee hours on my phone's browser, sleep training/going down awake is UBER controversial. I am in no way an expert or anything like that, but I've done my due diligence and read as much as possible, gathered personal/professional vignettes from as many people as will answer my late night facebook messages, and tried to pay attention to my baby. As Handsome pointed out, she should be my primary source of information regarding what is best for her. He's so smart.

She seems to be getting the hang of it, although it's probably too soon to tell yet. We've got a lot of traveling coming up in the next few months, and H & I both agree that it would be best for her to get the knack of self-soothing before then. As well, she's been taking quite a long time to rock to sleep at night. Which is normally fine and some great lovey-dovey time. Except when it takes so long that I'm only getting a wink of sleep before she's up to feed again. Since Handsome works overnight shifts, there's no one else to step in. A sleep-zombie momma is no good for our girl. So those, and other reasons, motivated this endeavor.

NOTE: This is not a baby-sleep blog. This is not advice. This is not the match that starts the fire of criticism and debate. I hate arguments. This is just us doing what we believe is best for our baby. As Handsome also says, he didn't receive any instructions with her, and so we're making our way the best we know how. Thank you for respecting that.

I've also started keeping better track of her awake time so that she doesn't become over-tired, which makes it nigh on impossible for her to go to sleep. Apparently, wake time is measured from eyes open to eyes shut, and includes feeding time. Since she's 4 weeks, old, she's recommended to have about 1 hour of awake time, or until she starts showing drowsy cues (which are SO hard to tell in a new baby, and that's driving me crazy). So we did that today, and she was only down playing for about 15 minutes after each feeding.

While I believe that that's also best for her, I miss my girl. I can't wait until this stage is done. I still think it's best, but I'm not a fan of the back-to-sleep-so-quickly-I-barely-got-my-kisses-in. I don't wish she'd get bigger, or anything like that. I'm just looking forward to us being out of this lesson-learning time, and her being more alert.

She makes me melt.
My heart hurt today, full of love.

It's been a month. I've been a mom for a month. I'm just now starting to trust my instincts with her. Starting to realize that all the books are great and advice (asked for, mind you) is welcome, but as my Momma put it, God made me for her and her for me, and we're her parents. It's a load of responsibility. It's also chock full of smiles and happiness, sweet moments and great discoveries. I'd never give it up.

Let's say she's dancing, not fussing.
Super cute blocks made by mi amiga.
She's opening a shop, I'll let you know when it's up & running!

<3 M.