Essfitcee

FIRST IN HISTORY! 1st Active American Athlete Comes Out!

2013-04-30T01:08:00.001-05:00

Shouts out to pro-baller JASON COLLINS on his ‘coming out.’ He is currently the FIRST athlete in the history of American sports to be out WHILE being an active player and he’s black! Although he is currently a free agent…will this keep him from being picked up by another team?

THIS is big because not only he's making history...like, period, but he is making history for the black and LGBT community. This could be the beginning of something beautiful. Finally a guy who isn't waiting until retirement to get the balls to come out. KUDOS to him...I have his back!

But what does this mean for his athletic career?

Guess Who Had The BEST Week Ever!! !!

2013-04-26T23:44:00.001-05:00

It's been TWO years we've been together. Our love is stronger than ever, we talk every day...falling deeper in love with each day. Yet only psychically touched flesh to flesh briefly. Stress in the highest levels because of our inability to see each other being from different states, conflicting schedules with work and other crazy obstacles keeping us from each other. Because of the boyfriend's family crisis with his sister and brother in law. he made an emergency travel down to Florida from Atlanta. After the dust settle there it was like God set everything else in place.

Upon leaving Florida was it a "coincidence" that his brother in law's mother lives in Baton Rouge and asked to drop her off on the way. Everything is too much of a "coincidence" for me not to believe that God wasn't watching out for us. Everything to HOW we met and even back to BEFORE we met. It seems like aspect of our lives since before we even met was leading up to our relationship...just like how everything lead to us FINALLY able to Officially spend quality time with each other.

Although pain lead up to this, his brother in law was rushed to the hospital, he was left to console a crying older sister. But he is better and BACK at home. The Lord does work in mysterious ways.

He dropped her off in Baton Rouge, LA and headed to Shreveport, LA to be WITH ME! MY MAN EVEN PICKED ME UP FROM WORK!

This was Tuesday night, April 23, 2013, he just left today.[sad face] I am blessed to that we were even able to have that time together. We got an hotel..kiss, kiss, and kissed. Laughs, smiled, hugged, and cuddled. And MADE LOVE!

We are BOTH officially NOT virgins anymore and MAN let me tell you, his dick was Sooooo fucking good. To finally have it inside me was the MOST mountain moving ever in my life. Never felt that much pleasure in my fucking life. YES, he fucked me and fucked me GOOD. Gave it to me like he knew I wanted.

Last night, we cried in each other's arms. It's no telling when we will have that time to spend together again.

The hardest thing was watching him pull off from my driveway on his way back to his home in Atlanta, GA.

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

2013-04-22T15:03:00.002-05:00

What do you when you see someone you look UP to going on a downward spiral in life. Someone you idolize going through tribulations you can't help them with?

My older brother's marriage is falling apart right before my eyes. Before you think "Oh what is he doing wrong?" just because he's the GUY...it's really HER. My sister in law that I have always liked. *Shaking my head*

Now this is where I put the "don't go judging" disclaimer, but it actuality I AM judging her. No my bro has done some wrongs...at least all the wrongs he has TOLD me. But from what I know, he stood and admitted his wrong as a man and as a marriage couple they supposedly "worked it out." But HER deceitfulness is on a whole another and from what I know my brother has never went to such extent as she.

Now before you think I being bias towards my brother, that is not it. He knows that if he wrongs I WILL tell him as I have in the past.

I believe, if my memory serves my correctly, that they got married in 2009, was still in high school but was graduating that year. I remember because I came to school hung over from the bachelor party...[yes, it was underage drinking...what YOU gonna DO ABOUT IT?! lol] So married in '09, my brother has been looking through phone records and the locations of the calls...shit ISN'T matching up to where she "SAY" she was at and what she "SAY" she was doing. And apparently the same *unknown* number been coming up since fucking 2011. A number that SHE IS associated with, but doesn't want her husband to know. WHY IS THAT? Hmmmm. Now this guy is who my brother is sure is guy that works with her...this guy is apparently just a "get back at chu" guy. You know what that is? He was used for revenge because SHE claims believes that HE was with a women in New Orleans back in 2011. And she STILL believes that. But guess what, HE WASN'T! Want to know I how I know...cause HE, and MY COUSIN came down Baton Rouge to hang with ME when I was in school and we hang out in New Orleans.

Now they say that the main person suspicious and suspects cheating and falsely accusing is the EXACT one that is cheating.

And plus that she has ADMITTED to giving her attention to ANOTHER guy and exchanged SEXUAL phone texts messages with him. She states that she is no more talking to him and THAT is as far as it went. As if it was even OKAY that you sexually flirted with another guy rather it was physical or not. For MONTHS she has deleted texts, LOCKED her phone, gotten PRIVATE apps and stored his texts THERE.

Now I only know what is going on from my brother and the awkward night where I, my mom and dad were at their home and they were arguing...won't get in to that, but sounds dysfunctional, right?

My brother doesn't want me to treat her differently because, "everyone makes mistakes" yea, right mistake aren't continual. But never the less...I will do as he say. I won't TREAT her different, but I FEEL different about her. Yes I love and care for her as apart of my family, BUT at the end of the day...you start hurting my brother, you are not on my good list. BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

The worst part of that my NIECES in the mix of all this. That's the WORST part. This is why I don't have ANY once of respect for cheaters especially when you have a FAMILY. Because if you are cheating on your SPOUSE then you are cheating on those CHILDREN. If you are abusing your spouse then you are abusing those CHILDREN. Every thing you are doing to your spouse WILL affect those children.

*sighs* well enough airing out dirty laundry....gladly no ones in my family knows about my shit or I would be fucked, lol.

[apologize for any errors but I honestly don't have any care to make sure this drama filled of an entry is grammatically correct ]

The Honeymoon BEEN Over!

2013-04-09T23:04:00.001-05:00

Isn't it funny when you wake up out of your bed and you immediately know that THAT day just isn't gonna be your day? Well really isn't funny, buy you get the point.

Today I got my yearly employee evaluation as many have as well. There were 4 levels:

Being OUTSTANDING
Being ABOVE AVERAGE
Being RIGHT ON TARGET
BELOW TARGET

Now although I did not fail this evaluation. My overall rating was '3.' There were SOME things I hit '4' at, those were either things I KNEW I lacked [and don't care] and the other was a LIE. I mean it not fair at all to "evaluate" on my whole work performance when you are NOT around me 24/7 when I AM doing my job and helping customers.

Things that I already knew: dress code, upon the company switch OUT of uniform...we were then required to wear athletic wear, which is more individual than uniforms. But of course policed rules comes with that. It cannot be a brand that the company does not sale, which I think is idiotic and immature. For the type of athletic gear that is required is NOT cheap Unless you ca find places where it is marked down or on clearance. I WILL NOT spend so much money on shit that I'm ONLY wearing to WORK in. It would be much simpler if it was still uniforms. Khakis and a green polo...shit like that could be ANY brand as long as it is KHAKIS and a GREEN POLO, period. Now it's like, "You can wear your own clothes now, but it has to be THIS and THAT way and BLAH, BLAH...." I have athletic gear, some IS within the policy and some ISN'T, but if THAT is what I have left because THAT is what I have left because they other may be dirty and musty then THAT is what I am fucking wearing.

The other thing I apparently lacked in is offering the customer some bullshit ass company credit card that you know in your HEART most customers DO NOT want. Quite frankly that is the CASHIERS fucking job. I DON'T have a fucking register in my department, why in the hell should I have to explain shit like that to them ESPECIALLY when they ARE gonna get to the register and get HOUNDED about the SAME fucking thing. I work in FOOTWEAR, my business is not having a sale pitch about a damn credit card. That will be annoying for the customers. I was NEVER and NEVER will be a fan of HOUNDED a customers. If that customer needs something I will help them with THAT, but I am not gonna try to "sale" them something that they DID NOT come there to get just so I can put more money in the COMPANY'S pocket that I WON'T see.

The last one that caught my attention was the bold face LIE, that said I rated BELOW in asking the customers question to get a feel of their needs. Which is BULLSHIT because I do!

THE MAIN THING was the manager comments being that, "You don't have the same enthusiasm you once had you started working here. " Really? You putting THAT in my evaluation? Me "not having enthusiasm does NOT equal me not doing my job. I come in, NEVER late, NEVER call in sick into work [i.e. NEVER missed a day of work.] I come and WORK, my far as the "passion"? Leave that PETTY shit at the DOOR, because I DO my job. EXCUSE me for not having PASSION and enthusiasm for a damn MINIMUM WAGE job where I barely getting paid anything and my hours CAN and has been CUT at any given moment. THE FUCK YOU THINK I AM!? Excuse ME if I am not a MANAGER who can put their feet up and STILL GET PAID because I'm on SALARY. EXCUSE ME if I am a burden to you because I happen to be one of those people who WILL NOT go above and beyond to work for STRAPS. I do my job, I ain't doing anymore than that! Mangers seem to forget that everyone else is on minimum wage. MONEY IS THE MOTIVATION!

You want me to PRETEND I "LOVE" my MINIMUM wage, part time job with a company I've been working for about 4 years[will be 4 years THIS summer] and all the work and time I've already put in means NOTHING TO YOU PEOPLE. You want me to PRETEND to "LOVE" that, right? FUCK YOU!

I already put on this fake smile for the customers, but in reality I'm cringing inside. I already come into work depressed everyday because being there reminds me of how much my LIFE ISN'T evolving AT ALL.

Excuse me if I don't have that enthusiasm anymore, but the honeymoon has BEEN over. You DON'T pay enough for me to "LOVE" my job.

Despite all that I pretty much did pretty good with evaluation and guess what...they ONLY raised my pay 24 CENTS, what is that...a PENNY shy away from a fucking QUARTER! I get paid 8.24 now, that is NOTHING considering I am still fighting for a CAR. I need to better job! FUCK ALL THAT, "If I work harder they will pay me more at my current job." I been working SO HARD all this fucking time and it was NEVER appreciated, so FUCK working HARD...I'mma just WORK. I will WORK HARD when I find a job that PAYS MORE.

The honeymoon BEEN over...where have you been?

[I'm done...I just needed to rant. I apologize if there are errors, being that I am still angered....will correct any errors later on]

April Showers

2013-04-01T00:37:00.000-05:00

Loving you is all I need

Never take your love from me

Cuz I think I would lose my mind

If you would go away

Oh, say you'll never leave my side,

That forever you'll be mine

(Oh) April Shower me with your love

~Artist: Dru Hill from "April Showers"~

[And yes, that is an actual image of ME]

Ironic Much?

2013-03-28T02:08:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry, but if elementary, middle, and high school American History classes has taught me anything is that America settled on this land [that was stolen from from the natives, but that's another conversation] to have RELIGIOUS FREEDOM from the English which was ruled by the Catholic church.

So how IRONIC we sit here now and denied to right to marry, because people view marriage as between man and women, a point of view in which is supported by RELIGION. That doesn't sound like religion freedom to me at all. Religious freedom is, "My BELIEFS is that marriage is between man and women, but I support the RIGHT to believe otherwise. And will not come in the way of anyone else RIGHTS because of my beliefs."

But, that is not what is happening these days is it? The WHOLE POINT OF THE START OF AMERICA was religious freedom, but deny equality and have painted MUSLIMS as evil people and CONDEMN atheist. Let's not forgot that the freedom of religion is the right to NOT be religious as well. I know I believe in God and have the LOVE of the Lord in my heart, but I am not going to tell anyone their going to hell when it's NOT my place.

That is what is happening. I'm gay, so I'm going to HELL? And please tell me when did THAT become YOUR place to tell me. You don't believe in gay marriage...fine, but just because YOU don't believe in it doesn't mean SHIT! Gays exist and they always did. You so righteous, but yet PICK AND CHOOSE what parts of the bible you going to live by. "Homosexuality is an abomination." But IGNORE the other countless amount of sins of the bible...pleeeeeeeeeeease. *rolls eyes* You hide behind your bible to justify your homophobia like a COWARD!

The bible has turned a lot of our fellow human beings into judgmental, bitter, hypocritical bigots. And that's why I am not a fan of the bible. The beliefs I have in my savior comes from my SOUL, not from a book written by MAN. Now a lot of people would be offended by that...to that person I would say...

FUCK YOU! in the nicest way possible.

What Is Racism?

2013-03-26T23:10:00.000-05:00

What Is Racism?

Is it the white man keeping the black man down?

Or is it the continuous black on black crime?

Is it a Caucasian uttering NIGGER?!

Or is it our own brothers and sisters not sticking together?

Is it a little black boy hung for waving at a white chick?

Or your fellow brother wishing failure on you and hating that you making it?

My answer, it's all of these...and those are just examples, I could go on and on.

Racism ISN'T just in white face...it NEVER was.

Europeans just didn't come and TAKE us...we sold ourselves. And not just to America...to Brazil, Cuba.

We get here and work together to fight for our freedom that we apparently DIDN'T even have in Africa.

We are FREE! Then...

What we do? Enslave ourselves yet AGAIN...in ignorance.

Killing each other over colors, rap beefs, Jordans, and other stupid trivial things.

Keeping up mess within our own, bringing each other down on a regular basis.

We gotta STOP this.

Because when you think about it, what any racist could do or say to us today is no different from what are already doing to each other.

The Country's Youngest Married Black Gay Couple Vs. Nay Sayers

2013-03-11T16:55:00.000-05:00

But I'm sure holding that title means nothing to them. This wasn't a about trying to set a 'record'...they are in love. I know to make this big of commitment this early on in their life, I know their love is real. I take pleasure in seeing shit like this, not only because of the obvious fact that I am indeed GAY, but I know a part of a homophobe DIES with EACH gay marriage.

I do not understand that. How can anyone look at ANY true love with disgust? Well, the world being the mixing pot that is...full of the good, full of the bad. As I look on at the comments on the facebook page TheRoot.com.[as you visited you definitely will see a few comments for me lol] It's despicable, some where supportive, some where...disgusted. I could see I am disgusted by those disgusted, but I have learned to understand homophobia. I have learned to see them as they really are; fake, hypocritical, half-assed "Christians" who cowardly hide behind the bible to justify there homophobia as the bible was used to justify racism. These people are brainwashed.

Disgusting!!!! Confused!! Sick!!!

Hell on earth

All of you who are in favor of homosexual relationships need to have your heads examined (It's unnatural)! Better yet, you need JESUS. Your thinking, desires, and actions are perverted and backwards. STOP trying to justify SIN! It's wrong and there are consequences..

So I have learned...or trying to learn to not be so mad at them, I mean that isn't gonna stop them from being homophobia...as them being homophobic ISN'T stopping people from being gay, are they? I don't like it, but what can I do. What can WE DO? Nothing. I am SICK OF US FEELING LIKE WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN OURSELVES! WE DON'T! WE SHOULDN'T BE "FIGHTING" FOR ACCEPTING, LET'S FIGHT FOR OUR LEGAL RIGHTS! I do NOT give a damn who has a problems with GAY PEOPLE, but DAMMIT as long as I have MY RIGHTS AS AN AMERICAN THEN I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

There is STILL racism in the country, but we black people HAVE OUR RIGHT'S. There WILL STILL be homophobia, but WHEN we have our rights I won't care.

My gay people, we are fighting to wrong battle...we CAN'T force or DEMAND anyone to "ACCEPT" us...we DO however, have the RIGHT to DEMAND OUR EQUAL RIGHTS!

Many would say these guys are TOO YOUNG. I won't be the judge of that, I feel I would be doing the same thing of making judgement because they are GUYS getting married. I just DO hope they understand how much of a big deal this is and it isn't just a cute relationship anymore...it's MARRIAGE. I hope they understand that while they may truly love one another, understand that will ANY relationship it takes MORE THAN love. It's more serious with marriage. Are they STRONG ENOUGH? If they don't work....I hope they understand it takes MONEY and a lot legal issues to get a divorce. I know they are not hoping for that, but at NINETEEN? They have a LONG journey waiting for them, so anything is possible...that could be bad or good.

Rather than to say they are too young, I would rather hope really understand tha responsibility. ESPECIALLY since they are having blogs and news sites talking...if they fail, THEY ALL WILL KNOW.

I know one thing, I'm only 22, boyfriend just turned 21...isn't too far from them, if we were able hell I'm sure we would be married too, so I cannot judge them on being "too young."

I wish them the VERY best.

if there is any typos please forgive me, I'm running on adrenline while typing this entry, lol

The Hardest Thing...

2013-02-21T22:03:00.002-06:00

Is knowing in your heart and soul where you truly belong,

but have no idea how to get there

or if you EVER will.

I'm still young, I am scared, unsure of my future.

Being A Modeled Guy

2013-02-21T22:00:00.000-06:00

It started in middle school when I began to in-bark on a certain level of 'cool.' Being that all the moments before, I admit, I was a mama's boy that was still babied and mom still dressed me. And the fact all years prior I was bullied much. But in middle school...the tables turned and I became THE MAN.

Although the school required uniforms, because of that I made sure my shoes were on point. Or should I say my big bro made sure. With his "handy-downs" and at the time he was a college student with job so he bought shoes for me as well. I began to get more confidence in my stride. Even in high school, even though I wasn't AS popular, I still had a certain level of 'coolness." In high school I was more the "everybody knows OF him", but I wasn't THE MAN.

Regardless in was my style, the way I carried myself and MY WALK that made me so known. I was told repeatedly, "You belong on the runway." or "You walk like a model." Yet in high school when it came an opportunity for me to be apart of a fashion for the school...I was SCREWED and didn't get to be apart of it. ME! The guy KNOWN for looking and walking as if he was always on the runway. I was approached and ASKED to be apart of it, but once I got there for the rehearsal it became, "Oh we are FULL now, so we don't need you." What the FUCK!? I sat in the auditorium bitter and pissed, but internally cheering for my crush who was in the fashion show, but even he couldn't do it like I COULD. No one in that shit had the style I could have brought to it.

Upon entering high school, I was getting older, started to care about sex appeal. A growing young male having raging hormones and realizing his sex appeal with aspirations to be a model...the worst thing you could do is give him a camera, haha. I took a lot of pictures of myself. Not being cocky, but it was the model in me.Here where's the realizations comes, I will never seriously be an actual professional model. I don't have the LOOK, the body, nor the HEIGHT. I have the STYLE and 'catwalk' of a model. It's not about having low self esteem, I know I'm NOT ugly, but I also know there is nothing spectacular about my face that says "MODEL." And my body? I'm in shape but not FIT. Meaning I have abs by default because I'm skinny with a little muscle, but is my body tight, defined, perfecting toned? No. The body I can change, I can't change my face [without plastic surgery which is NOT happening] nor my height, so modeling professionally won't happen, they are strict about that height requirement.

So I'm honest enough to realize my only chance of runway modeling is to do it unprofessionally. Or if I want professionals shoots then I have to PAY FOR IT! Naw, not when I'm sure the industry is not going to take me seriously when I don't have the model look. So why would I need professional photos for? Nope, I'd rather be the one getting paid for my modeling, not paying for me to be a model. Not when I see no future in it. My chances to model unprofessionally kept being ruined. I told you about high school, well....after graduating from there. Attending a community college at home. I was determined to participate in a fashion show my 1st semester there. First it was push back into NEXT semester, then it was just canceled. WHY? Because of the incompetence and lack of dedication from the fellow "models" of the show. Everyone came to and left rehearsals whenever they felt. Some had other classes, I understand...but WHY try to be apart of something you know you wouldn't have TIME for. And when they were at rehearsals everybody felt like fucking PLAYING around and not being serious about. This meant SO MUCH to me and they ass were playing around.

Once I transferred to an university away from home. I saw an flyer for a themed fashion show for an fraternity. It was not question, I was in. That was has been the only fashion show I was officially in [I'm not counting the "cute" little fashion show I did for my aunt's church one day...most of the audience were old people, haha]

It was GREAT, the experience was GREAT. It was a RUSH to FINALLY be apart of something of such. I impressed, of course. But when the dust settled I realized there was still some things I was dissatisfied with.

The fact that I was the ONLY one that went to a certain "required" store in order to be fitted for the wardrobe. I spent $20 to and from there back to my dorm, on a RAINY day.
Honestly aside from the modeling, I'm an entertainer, being said that naturally I love to be center of attention. People who love attention want big audience, right? Well, it was a lot of people there, but not enough for me. Man, I sound so ungrateful, smh.
The fact that I have NO pictures to remember that night. I ask the guy who was in control of the show, to send me PICTURES! Never got them.

On to my next opportunity, during my universities homecoming fashion show which I did not get the chance to be officially apart of. But unofficially, there was a point where one of the hosts asked "Is there anyone in the audience that think they can do a better job than the models." It was MY chance to shine in front of thw whole university. The show was in the campus stadium and it was PACKED. That was my BIG crowd. It felt GREAT, but of course I wasn't really IN the fashion show. I unofficially did this TWICE at our schools homecoming fashion show, not having the chance to OFFICIALLY be a runway model neither times.

Now that I do not attend school anymore, there goes my opportunity to be anywhere CLOSE to the Life of the Runway. Because I am home and working with no networks, I see no way of having that chance again. It's a shame, I know I belong on the runway...it was always my dream.

Merry Christmas!! !!

2012-12-25T03:13:00.000-06:00

Who would you like under your tree?

To Wait Or NOT To Wait: Getting OFF of Work Or Getting Off AT Work?

2012-11-28T01:03:00.001-06:00

In recent months I have began to be intrigued by public masturbation. Searching through various sites such as MyVidster and Xtube to be the hottest one. I began with curiously as I wanted to expand on my "ammo" of porn, used for stimulation in my j/o sessions. I honestly still have found one that I felt was just so fucking hot, but I use to NOT be into masturbation videos in the first place...with my fetish of cum, of course that was gonna change.

When watching videos of guys public jacking off in parks, on buses...I began to get curious about my own public adventure...at work. For months I've been thinking and contemplation...should I do it? As far as taking some nude pictures to send to my boyfriend that has been it. No harm in that...just slip away for customers and slide pants down and a few snaps then pulls pants back up...easy. Masturbation is more than that.

Well I finally decided. One slow night at work...just last night. I wasn't doing it in the bathroom...too nasty and people coming in and out. That would turn me off. And it would be a LOT or No danger depending on WHERE in the bathroom I would have jacked off. In a stall? No danger...Not what I'm looking for. Not in a stall and out in the OPEN of the bathroom? THAT'S GOING TOO FAR! Not only would I would have gotten fired if caught, but ARRESTED. What if a little boy walked in a bathroom? NO. I wanted a LITTLE danger, but yet little risk of getting caught.

What I did? There is an spot in the back stock room, it's upstairs and anyone hardly is up there unless there are co workers that have tasks and the things they would need for it are upstairs in the stock room. I did it there, I DID IT.

It. was. SUCH. a. RUSH! And THE NUT WAS GREAT!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

2012-11-22T05:33:00.000-06:00

My President Again & I am PROUD!

2012-11-07T00:22:00.001-06:00

I Am Now 22. Oct 3rd, My Bday

2012-10-04T01:26:00.003-05:00

The day...has been uneventful. I got a haircut as you see in this pic I needed it. But as you get older you expect less on your birthday...it's like Christmas. It's only really exciting when you are young. I have a long road ahead of me...just FINALLY was able to get my license [something I have to blog about]...next thing is getting a CAR.

I am grateful for my blessings...blessed that I am able to see this age of 22.

This Year Hasn't Been My Friend...

2012-09-04T20:10:00.000-05:00

[actual image of me]

Indeed this year hasn't been my friend. The only fun action I've had all year is the Carnival cruise earlier this year in Spring. But this year has been depressing. My thoughts are is everywhere, I haven't been using Blogger as much as I would want. But, I'll be 22 soon...in October. Yay, I'll be blessed to make it to that age, of course. But I'm not excited...it's just another day of this shitty year. I never really was the one to be happy for over birthday. What's the point? It's not like I have anything to look forward to other than I know I'm going to at least take off my job and have a little wine. Oh goody, such FUN. Whatever,..I just wanted to check in with you all.

The DL WOmen.

2012-08-11T16:05:00.000-05:00

A while back a few of my co workers were having a conversation pertaining lesbians and being gay. How did that come up?...I don't remember. But one of my co-workers, being a female, expressed how she was once hit on by another chick. She expressed that she was 'strictly-dickly' and there would be no chance of her ever going that route. And this raises the question. Can people continue allow females the double standard on the subject of sexuality? That it's easier and simpler for chicks to turn to other chicks and it's not a big deal as gay men.

My female co worker reacted the way many sincerely straight men would react to this... understandably. "I'm not gay, I don't have problems with you being, but don't come at me on some gay shit." Is what she said. The question is if you are a SINCERE heterosexual female then there would be NO chance of you being otherwise, right? I'm sure you have heard it a lot..."I went gay cuz dudes hurt me too much!" which I always thought was BULLSHIT, because a female could you hurt as well as a dude can. Are these type of chicks making excuses because they may always been CURIOUS? Have females been given to much credit that they can 'switch' sexuality just like that and it isn't as complicated as being a gay man?

I don't if I have blogged about 'turning out' before, but I DON'T believe in getting 'turned out.' For men, if you do things with another dude you must have been curious all that time. I don't believe that a sincere heterosexual men is that weak to be convinced to do that. Just as well I find it hard to believe females go GAY because of the amount of time their hearts have been broken.

But in honestly, YES...there will always be a male/female double standard. One that I believe is that 'cute' drunken parties where chicks may lick shot off of each other's belly and do a little kissing. But that's mostly for SHOW for their, just as drunk, audience. THAT is way difference then actually experiencing the 'full course meal.' Which is HAVING a lesbian lover, having sex and all of it.

Females are more EMOTIONAL, right? Things have more to do with emotion than sexuality, right? Despite how I feel about it..this is said to be true. Because of this I have also thought about the amount of women that could have boyfriends and husbands with a CHICK on the side.

Yes, thats RIGHT! Everyone is so concern with the DL MAN, what about that DL WOman!? As if women don't cheat too?...Pleeeeeeeeeease, infidelity is NOT owned by one gender and neither is the lifestyle of the 'down-low.' So how many females are out there on The Down Low?

Looking Back...

2012-08-01T16:01:00.001-05:00

[Actual image from former high school's courtyard]

So out of boredom, I just happen to start looking through my old high school yearbook. Reminiscing...not a good thing, because my high school times were not good times. It was rare that I could go at least a whole week without them doing something to piss me off. And it wasn't the students I had problems with, No...I didn't get bullied or teased. The whole 4 years I only problems with one guy my junior year. He got kicked out of school though, so obviously he didn't care about his education. But it was the administration and teachers that keep bothering me. From getting into trouble by trying to PREVENT an altercation to getting trouble for wearing skull cap in COLD weather. Yes. And of course these are the times I was REALLY getting into that damn internal WAR; Me vs. My sexuality. So that was the icing on the cake.

You would THINK my senior year would be better, right? It's my last year. How about I had to wear UNIFORMS on my very last year. Before that...I assure I was among the BEST dressed at that school and now on my last year I had to look like everyone else. Wasting money only to buy the schools uniforms for only ONE year. Ruining the changes of ME possibly crowned 'best dressed' in the year book that year...why would the have a 'best dressed' award when everyone looks the SAME.

And is it just ME or traditionally seniors in high school have 'special privileges'...or at least a LITTLE. As a senior I had none. If anything the FRESHMANS of that year came in and got treated like ROYALTY. That school was ASS-BACKWARDS! Actually rolling red carpet out for them would have not surprised me after all the shit they was already doing for them. I didn't get that treatment as a freshman there.

It's also a bit depressing that I'm only featured once in the yearbook and that's in the senior picture section. No pictures of me out and about around campus like everybody else that I've seen countless times in the yearbook.

Still regret not going out with a BANG by saying 'fuck it' and going to my prom in a all pink suit and tried harder to enjoy my prom the best I could, because I didn't enjoy it.

What Really gets YOU Off?

2012-07-31T15:56:00.000-05:00

Is it the solo masturbation sessions featuring a pretty dick and tasty cum?

Is it the hot and wet dick sucking?

Or it the amazing and weirdly Hot self performed oral?

Is it the 'eating out'?

Is it watching dick hungry bottom playing with his own tight hole?

Or is it simply the down right FUCKING?

How about some barebacking 'cream pies' that leaves that ass wet and filled of cum? [my favorite]

An Update: Wow its been so long...

2012-06-20T03:32:00.001-05:00

I know it's been a long while since I have blogged...it just honestly haven't been in me lately. So I don't you all to think I am neglecting my Blogger. Therefore I'm you an update. I HAVE official decide to not go BACK to college [that may need to be something to blog in itself]...I'm going to WORK, WORK, and Work. Saving money to move away from this place that is my 'home' at the moment. My boyfriend and I are still together =)....still long distance =( My life is still BORING as always. I don't do anything but work. I know nothing else. Yeah I went on another Carnival cruise this past spring, but that's over. What's else...nothing and Yes that ME in the picture.

NAACP Endorses Same Sex Marriage.

2012-05-20T00:17:00.001-05:00

Ten days after President Barack Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage, the NAACP has voted to endorse it as well.

From the Washington Post:

The NAACP now presents itself as a counterbalance to the influence of the traditionally socially conservative black church. It can also help establish closer ties between blacks and gays, two of Obama's most loyal constituencies.

Some pro-Republican conservative evangelical activists have said Obama's announcement gives them an unusual opportunity to deflate enthusiasm among black voters for reelecting the country's first black president, who tends to win more than 90 percent support in that community.

“Civil marriage is a civil right and a matter of civil law,” NAACP president Benjamin Todd Jealous said in a statement released Saturday. “The NAACP's support for marriage equality is deeply rooted in the Fourteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution and equal protection of all people. The well-funded right wing organizations who are attempting to split our communities are no friend to civil rights, and they will not succeed.”

According to a tweet from Maxim Thorne, an NAACP officer, only two people out of the 64-member board of directors voted against the resolution, which states: "The NAACP Constitution affirmatively states our objective to ensure the 'political, education, social and economic equality' of all people. Therefore, the NAACP has opposed and will continue to oppose any national, state, local policy or legislative initiative that seeks to codify discrimination or hatred into the law or to remove the Constitutional rights of LGBT citizens. We support marriage equality consistent with equal protection under the law provided under the Fourteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution. Further, we strongly affirm the religious freedoms of all people as protected by the First Amendment."

I found this via The Root on Facebook and I don't want to mention the amount of ignorant comments about of "God is not pleased" and blah, blah. Times is changing, of course there will ALWAYS be homophobic just like there is still racism, but things are changing...for the better. With recent for Pres. Obama followed by surprising support from RAPPERS Jay Z and T.I.

Tell Them The Truth!

2012-04-16T02:31:00.001-05:00

You know as a child growing up...the parents, the teachers, every adult that a kid knew promised them the world. They all give you the impression that life is gonna be perfect like unicorns and rainbows. They make you THINK that it's going to be easy to be successful.

As you grow older you start to learn QUICK that it is not so. You start to see what they all told you was complete BULLSHIT. And instead of being prepared because you Already know how it is and what to do...you are NOT prepared because you didn't know it would be like this. Once you are finally old enough Life looks at you and say, "Okay you not a child anymore so here is THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, AND OH THIS!"

When this happens you get OVERWHELMED by reality. This is how people end up not knowing what to do with their life or not knowing how to go about doing it. Because of the "LIFE IS EASY" lies we were given as a kid our dreams weren't REALISTIC. We were blinded by the falsy that "You can do what ever you put your mind to" You were not told you will have to go through BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS to get to where you really want to be in life. You are not told that Life is gonna WHIP YO ASS, so be prepared. Oh no, we have to keep it "cute" for the kids. So you WANT to give them false hopes? Instead of telling TRUTH from the beginning so they better READY THEIR SELVES as they get older. THAT would be more of an advantage don't you think?

Let's stop giving them fairy tales and tell children THE TRUTH. They would WORK HARDER in school, be more realistic about their future and better prepared.

One Thing That Will Always Bother Me About Being GAY...

2012-03-14T02:17:00.002-05:00

Is TWO men heavily IN LOVE and want start a family together and only have TWO options: Adopt or Surrogate mother. That means TWO gay men will NEVER know what THEIR child will look like. They will NEVER know how beautiful it would be to have a child that SHARES their genetics. TWO gay men together will never be able to look at each other and say, "Baby he/she has your eyes and my nose." I know that it saddens many gay men besides Me. Some have joked about if men COULD have babies it would be birthed through our penis. Now on a serious logical note, if we COULD give birth it would probably would be through our anal. We would get pregnant by ejaculation into our anal. Our stomach would get BIG just like a female...we would just have to left our legs a little Higher in the hospital while giving birth, lol. The anal would dilate just like a vagina But seriously if that's the case, I would NOT mind giving birth to My man's children...and I'm SERIOUS. Him with his face to my stomach talking to our unborn baby...making him go out late at night to get FOOD, because I would have PREGNANT CRAVINGS, AHAHA! Not to mention how FUN it would be to GET ME PREGNANT [wink, wink]

But that's 1 of the "pleasures" of being gay right?...Not being able to get pregnant...having all that unprotected, bareback, raw sex, not having to worry about pregnancy. Kinda sorta...I agree, lol...but still I WOULD LOVE to have my boyfriend's [we will get MARRIED =)] babies [<-- notice that's PLURAL]

This really hurts me, especially with me being so in love with my man and us wanting to have a family...and me being a bottom...I would NOT mind giving birth to little Ismael juniors =)

To all my bottoms/versatiles...would you mind giving birth to your man's kids, if you could?

Turn It UPPPPP!!!!

2012-02-22T01:17:00.001-06:00

I cannot get over the creatively and the incredible choreography in this video. Not much music videos [close to non] excite me. But this video AND the song in itself gets me PUMPED! Chris Brown's "Turn Up The Music!"

Let's Talk About Parent/Child Relationships

2012-02-21T02:23:00.002-06:00

Some parents LOVE their children, Yes...but do they RESPECT THEM? Love AND Respect your child, that means givin them PRIVACY when they deserve it. When you are all up in they biz...I mean in EVERYTHING...come in and out in their room w/o knocking, rudely awakening them from their sleep [specially if you know that got somewhere to be and need sleep then not feel bad when you tell them you felt shitty all day cuz they messed up your sleep]...Thats not RESPECT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW IT FEELS TO FEEL YOU ARE NOT RESPECTED BY YOUR PARENTS? Do you WANT your child to feel that way. It comes a certain age that your child reaches that they deserve for you to BACK OFF a little. Unless they are that shitty of a child, but if not then....yea.

THAT was from my personal Facebook status. I am FUCKING fed up with this society's or at least a Black Family's mentality that no how old your child is...NO MATTER if they are within age were you SHOULD give them more respect and more freedom...DON'T! STILL treat them like a child regardless, making them feel like shit that YOU as a parent don't give a FUCK about them enough to RESPECT them. Love and RESPECT are two different things, I know you love me...but you DON'T respect me. I am fucking tired of my feelings NOT MATTERING unless I helping with bills...THAT'S FUCKED UP. And that's how your children gonna grow up thinking that's how it suppose to be done. NO! Yes I AM going to move out and get my OWN one day, but I should be RESPECTED as the adult I AM while I am still living with you. A man could be praised and respect to the greatest level, but when he comes to his "HOME" and is not respected NON of that matters. Because he doesn't feel like he matters in his own home....THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE MY HOME! But I feel like I prisoner until I can leave and have my own, which I am no where near close to being able to do. And to treat me unfair and treat like a child and when I come to you about it like, "Well if you don't like it move out!" Which if I remember correctly when I first got my job 3 yrs I offered to help with bills. I was turned DOWN! <<<---This post has been in my drafts for a while because I was going back and forth with myself asking, "What this be worth blogging about." This specific is too...OUT there, for me to go in depth with it...let's just say I'm sooo ready to get out of my parents house...mmm that's sad "my parent's house" BUT that IS suppose to be my home, but I don't like it is so. Whatever.....