ForFoxingTales

2021's Library

2021-03-03T07:21:00.003-08:00

JANUARY

01. Nora Roberts Sweet Revenge

02. Paulo Coelho Adultery

FEBRUARY

03. Nora Roberts Hideaway

MARCH

04. Paulo Coelho The Fifth Mountain

2020's Library

2021-03-03T07:05:00.009-08:00

It's something to be able to look at last year and know that you were able to fit in two more books than the year before. It's about the small victories.

MARCH

01. C. L. Taylor The Lie

APRIL

02. Nora Roberts The MacKades: Book 1: The return of Rafe

03. Nora Roberts Book 2: The pride of Jared

MAY

04. Nora Roberts Northern Lights

JUNE

05. Paulo Coelho Veronika decides to die

JULY

06. Nora Roberts Book 1: Born in Fire

07. Nora Roberts Book 2: Born in Ice

08. Nora Roberts Book 3: Born in Shame

09. Suzanne Collins Book 1: The Hunger Games

10. Suzanne Collins Book 2: Catching Fire

11. Suzanne Collins Book 3: Mockingjay

12. Nora Roberts Risky Business

13. Nora Roberts Night Shadow

AUGUST

14. Nora Roberts Book 1: Dance upon the Air

15. Nora Roberts Book 2: Heaven & Earth

16. Nora Roberts Book 3: Fake the Fire

SEPTEMBER

17. Louise Penny Bury your Dead

18. Barry Lyga Book 1: I Hunt Killers

OCTOBER

19. Barry Lyga Book 2: Game

20. Barry Lyga Book 3: Blood of my Blood

NOVEMBER

21. Nora Roberts Angels Fall

22. Nora Roberts The Liar

2019's Library

2021-03-03T06:56:00.003-08:00

It's been a while since I was able to pick up a book and get lost in my own imagination. I don't have any reasons why my passion for reading just seemed to simmer away over the years, but when I found myself dipping into the well of depression, I decided it was time to find that light again. Escape into the imaginary for a few minutes in order to balance my reality out.

I found Nora Roberts and she was simply the perfect solution. She's an easy-to-read author who paints a picture using exactly the right amount of detail to allow your mind to become the creative. Engaging, and always my first choice.

JANUARY

01. Nora Roberts Partners

02. Nora Roberts Witness

03. Nora Roberts Whiskey Beach

FEBRUARY

04. Louise Penny The Cruelest Month

MARCH

05. Nora Roberts The Donovan Legacy: Enchanted

APRIL

06. Nora Roberts Midnight Bayou

07. Nora Roberts High Noon

08. Nora Roberts The MacGregors: Daniel & Ian

MAY

09. Nora Roberts The Right Path

10. Nora Roberts Falling for Rachel

JUNE

11. Nora Roberts Tribute

12. Nora Roberts Dream Makers: Book 1: Untamed

13. Nora Roberts Book 2: Less of a Stranger

14. Nora Roberts The Welcoming

JULY

15. Nora Roberts Captive Star

AUGUST

16. Nora Roberts Rebellion

SEPTEMBER

17. Cat Hellisen When the sea is rising red

18. Nora Roberts Shelter in Place

OCTOBER

19. Nora Roberts The Collector

DECEMBER

20. Nora Roberts The Sanctuary

Cupcakes 4 Kids with Cancer

2014-09-12T04:27:00.001-07:00

September is the month for Cancer Awareness focused mainly on cervical cancer and children with cancer.

The reason I decided to write a blog about this is because I have been struggling with abnormal cells for some time now and though these cells have not had the opportunity to develop into cancer, the mixed emotions of fear, self-doubt, doubt, hurt and disappointment that I felt, was enough to wake me up to just the start of what people with cancer are going through.

I use to the type of person who, when they thought about cancer, would automatically think that it was only the ‘older generation’ that got cancer. In my family, it was my gran with both brain and breast cancer, my father with skin cancer and a few other related issues down the family tree, it's easy to understand why, when growing up, my mind was programmed to think this way. It is only after having this scare, personally, and through doing research on this, that I realize humans, no matter your age, are prone to cancer. It stops for no one.

Unfortunately, we weren’t born superheroes which means we have to do our best to learn how to be the next closest thing to a superhero every day of our lives. Don’t stress about finding a cape, don’t worry about the costume; the only thing you need is a mixing bowl!

Cupcakes of Hope is a non-profit company that is community driven with the aim of creating awareness and raising funds for children with life-threatening diseases, through their love of baking cupcakes.

To date, they have assisted more than 200 patients with their medical and day-to-day expenses and they have donated to 14 other charities, including CANSA, The Sunflower Fund, CHOC and the Nelson Mandela Children’s HospitalTrust.

You have the opportunity to make a difference, show your support or to touch a little heart, simply by celebrating National Cupcake Day on the 27.09.2014 with Cupcakes 4 Kids with Cancer at a selection of 55 malls in South Africa!

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

In 2011, Cupcakes 4 Kids with Cancer set a world record with 21, 000 cupcakes on display, which lead to an achievement of R 200 000 being raised. This money was donated to Reach for A dream, CANSA Vereeniging, medical costs for three cancer children patients.

The first National Cupcakes Day was celebrated in September 2012, where a staggering R 507 000 was raised. With this money, they were able to market 60 000 leaflets with the Early Childhood Cancer Warning Signs. “Early Detection Saves Lives.”

In 2013, the second National Cupcake Day was celebrated at 45 malls across South Africa and in 2014, we have the opportunity to reach just one of the 55 malls in order to make a difference, the sweet way!

WHICH MALLS

You can click HERE in order to see who the nearest coordinator is in your area.

HOW EASY IS IT

You decide on how many cupcakes you want to make
Contact the nearest coordinator on the link provided above
Make the cupcakes with LOVE
Deliver at a mall closest to you

If you don’t have baking skills, then why not stop by one of the many malls listed above and show your support by purchasing a cupcake. They are being sold at R 10.00 a cupcake.

FIND OUT MORE

You can find out more about this organization, where the money raised goes, how to become a beneficiary or how to get involved by visiting their beautiful website: www.cupcakesofhope.org

EARLY WARNING SIGNS OF CHILDHOOD CANCER

Seek medical help for any persistent symptoms,

early detection saves lives...

Marriage VS Singledom

2014-08-18T10:11:00.003-07:00

High school reunions.

It's the type of event I jump to go to because it's a brag fest for people who have become successful in their lives, or who were the dorks in school who can now show off that they've grown from ugly duckling to stunning swan. I love watching people and enjoy seeing where they have come from to where they are presently. It's slightly motivating and definitely pulls at the heart strings.

So when it came to the day of my high school reunion and I wouldn't be attending due to not being able to pay for the ticket for this three course meal and dance, my mother surprised me by giving me the money because I would've been the only one in our friendship group that wasn't going.

Friendship Groups.

In school there are always clicks - the popular group, the nerdy group, the gamers, the jocks, the smokers, the goths, the cutters, the fighters, the top dogs e.t.c and I was in the group which was a jumble of different styles.

We had the sporty girl, the musical girl, the IT guy, the player, the foreigner, the goth girl, the hippy hugger and the tinkerbell. As far as click went, this click was the best of them all because we were dynamic.

Changes.

As soon as I found out I was able to go, I messaged all my high school girl friends to let them know I was able to go and asked that they please keep space at the table open. It was as I walked into the hall and up to the table that contained half the original click when I saw the unresponsive 'welcoming' hello I received that I knew things had changed.

Or Had They?

The table that contained this particular click included the married with children couples. The other table, which had another couple from my school click (they are not married, but have kids), were what I was expecting. They came up to greet and had saved space at their table and the feels were warm and happy and pure excitement - exactly what I had expected from table number 1.

After having been disappointed that our school click had gotten two separate tables and divided our already small group in half, I asked what the problem was.

The Problem.

Apparently me.

Because I am :

a) not married

b) do not have kids

c) and cannot afford to join for morning breakfasts because I don't have a money tree in my garden,

the married couple had a problem with me and were pissed off with me for not attending morning tea. Yes, I had arranged this, but after changing the date to accommodate everyone for two months straight; ask yourself if I was really going to change the date again? No. I mean... really, where is the logic.

Was that reason enough to split our group into two sections on a night when we should have been together? Was that reason enough to brush off a friendship that has been going for 12 years? I don't think so.

It blew my mind that I had been categorized as the person who "doesn't spend time with her friends because they have babies", when the reality is, I arrange events at venues that are the most suitable for kids.

Being The Bigger Person

After finding out that 'friends' had spoken badly about me behind my back to mutual friends, I decided to be the bigger person (after I had vented) and went up to the married friends and asked if they would like to go out after the reunion. I was greeted with a pathetic nod, a thumbs up and a 'umph' response. And that was it.

Lesson Learnt

I directly and clearly said "That is it. Don't expect me to fucking try again." and walked away from a distrustful fakeship.

Married Couples VS Singledom

The problem is that married people, who have kids, automatically think that their single friends alienate them. They don't.

The problem is that married people, who have kids, automatically assume that their single friends hate children and blame the lack of time spent on the friendship, on their choice to have kids. It's not.

The problem is that married people, who have kids, automatically think that their single friends don't know how to adapt to the fact that they have children. They do adapt.

The problem is that married people seek drama and the people they pick on, are the unmarried folk who do not have any children. Why? Because it's easy to pick on a single person who does not fall into your approval box which contains the categories:

Married
House
Children

It's easy to pick on the single people because "they're still the immature child they were in high school." But how mature are you, when you're left sitting at a table backstabbing people who consider you their friend. How mature are you when you don't have the decency to sit down and communicate face-to-face with a friend, if you have a problem with them.

Maybe you should consider the option that just because you're a mother, or a father, that you aren't as mature as you think you are.

More often than not, through my own personal experience, friendships are lost when friends get married, not because the single friend runs away (as most married women state), but 95% of the time, it's because it's the single friend who has to always make the effort to see the married-with-kids friend or arrange events so that time can be spent with them. How often should a friend have to be the only one running after a friendship to maintain it? It's a two way road and unfortunately, the friendship is usually not returned. This lose of friendship should not be blamed on marriage or having children, maybe it should be blamed on a one-sided relationship and we all know, when it's not 50/50, it's over.

I know that by writing this blog and venting, that I am being a hypocrite by not talking to this said married person face-to-face, but I did try that night and it was through lack of a response from this person that communication was not an option.

I understand that some mothers and fathers manage to make a marriage, children and mixed married-single friendship circles work and it's to these parents that I say HIGH FUCKING FIVE! YOU HAVE ACHIEVED THE UN-ACHIEVABLE!

But to the rest I say:

When you start losing friends because you assume it's based upon the fact that you got married, pregnant and had a baby, maybe you should have a look at yourself before you judge and mark single people as baby-haters and friendship-breakers.

End Rant

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Honesty

2014-08-07T11:47:00.001-07:00

noun

1. 1.

the quality of being honest.

"they spoke with convincing honesty about their fears"

synonyms:		moral correctness, uprightness, honourableness, honour, integrity,morals, morality, ethics, principle, (high) principles, nobility,righteousness, rectitude, right-mindedness, upstandingness.

I don't even like the word and yet, it's managed to find its way into my blog.

Think back to when your friend tells you a story about how someone lied to get out of something and how the generic response is, "I don't understand why they just didn't tell the truth."

But, let me ask you, would you?

Every person wants to be the 'honourable' one in some form or another, but society, fear, lessons, mistakes have all taught us that the world can't rotate without the occasional 'white lie'.

People say that they want to lead a life and their relationships filled with openness, understanding, trust and honesty, but I don't think that people really understand what that really means. It means that you have to be completely raw and open to releasing who you are to someone, what your emotions are and how your mind works. It means having to break down the walls that you've built up whilst growing up in a society that judges harshly, in order to receive the parts of life that are still undiscovered. It means accepting the judgment, the questions and the negativity that comes from the receiver of your honesty. It means acknowledging that with honesty, you stand the chance of hurting someone completely.

Being honest is not human.

If you do succeed in changing your mindset and you allow yourself to be unfiltered, are we really able to maintain that honesty?

Though you may have made a mental change to be the Honest superhero and wear your underwear over your clothes, your superpower won’t last forever. No matter how ready you may be, as an individual, there are people who are not ready to hear the truth or live in a life that is filled with honesty; and it’s their negative reactions to your truth that allows the statement “Maybe I should’ve lied” creep into your mind.

I don’t believe the world was built for honesty and truth – the Garden of Eden was designed to accept these and look how well that worked out….

Follow @TheFirstChild

Double Edged Sword

2014-07-12T02:58:00.000-07:00

I watched a video today which I have attached to the bottom of this blog because you should watch it. It’s the reason this blog-post has been created, so perhaps you may want to give 5 minutes of your time before you disappear into the technology that holds you.

This video has a huge message and I am sure that each individual is going to have a mind-spark effect that will start off with an uncomprehending thought and then manifest itself into millions of miniature questions or ideas. For example, this blog. The reason that this was created was because I had a mind-spark that set off a hundred, thousand firelights coursing through my mind. One, that I caught, is a question and the question is:

Would we become emotionally connected and reliant on an individual who we currently do not admire or love, as quickly as technology has taught us to be, if technology was not an option?

When you first met the person who stole your heart, I’m sure you can remember the late night Instant Messages (IM’s) that were passed backwards and forwards until the early hours of the morning. I bet you can remember the smile that crossed your lips, or the way the cage to your soul was opened and an entire family of butterflies would escape. Can you still think back on the days when you would wait for an IM to come through, just so you knew that person was thinking of you?

Now, as part of the question I posed above, do you believe that each individual receiving those messages were falling in love with the person sending them; or do you believe that each individual was falling in love with how their mind read the messages and perceived them to be? Allowing yourself to basically fall in love with a ‘character’ your mind has created and who is feeding you the lines to the story?

If that same individual had no technology and had to speak the words which your mind read and processed, do you think that you would have the exact same reaction? The exact same emotions? The exact same goofy grin on your face? I don’t.

I think that we have technology to thank for a lot of moments of connection on a deeper level than even eye contact can make. When you like someone and said someone likes you too, obviously texting is the next ‘in’ thing to do, so we do that. When we receive those messages, our hearts are already quickened and our emotions are running on high, so who is to say that it is not our own response coming through when reading a text message. We become the other persons voice in our head, while we read the lines that confess emotion and we twist the messages outcome to be what our head and heart want it to be; we allow ourselves to warp the message by implementing our own tone into the IM’s.

Is that persons' message still being said the way that person intended it to be?

As much as I think technology has played a part in the lives of people (like me), who have too many emotions running through them during a face-to-face-confrontation and aren’t sure what the ‘correct’ way to respond is, I do believe that I would like the chance to meet and connect with people in an offline environment. Maybe I’d be able to test those social flaws and possibly, be able to manage and maintain my emotions and responses in a positive light. And, the plus side is, I wouldn’t be guessing about ‘what tone’ to read the message in because that person would be telling me and I’d know.

Technology is a double edged sword – we need to decide how to manipulate it to fit with what wewant and not what it wants.

Post by James Ellis.

If I had but One Wish...

2014-07-05T04:02:00.002-07:00

When my sister passed away, I remember the day that I was asked to speak on behalf of my parents and I remember my answer being a firm and unchanging ‘No’.

One of the hardest moments in this world is needing to sit down and attempt to sum up a short 22 years of life spent on this Earth. Where do you begin? What can or can’t you say? People say ‘just start at the beginning and everything will fall into place from there’, but these people have clearly never tried to put down on paper, only that, which your heart can speak.

It’s been over three years now since Kylee passed away and still, I find myself in my room, searching for music and thinking about her. Do I think about the last message I could have shared to the world about my sister? No. That decision is never one that I will regret. What needed to be said to her, was said from my heart to her soul.

But, I can't help but feel how unreal 22 years of her life was shared within my 28 years, when I can’t even feel her anymore and it’s at that point, where I question how emotionally connected we really are to the people who walk with us in our lives.

The one thing we are certain to receive and keep, as our own, in this world, is the unbreakable promise of memories. What happens to all the emotions born from these memories though? Where do they go? I firmly believe that we have a file cabinet where all our memories go and as we age, the filed memories placed in the 30’s & 40’s of our lives, slowly start to be shredded to create space for the really important memories that will keep you going throughout Old Age and Dementia.

My question is:

Where do the emotions disappear to, that made us remember the memories we save?

Like most humans, I fall into the category where I live my life based solely on my emotions. This isn’t a great connection to the world because living with emotions means that your days' happiness is based on what happened throughout the day. Living like this means that when I catch myself in moments of thought remembering everyone we lost, I can’t feel what I felt when they were still on this Earth.
All that I have left are the few memories of my sister and this does not satisfy me.

Sometimes I want to feel the emotions that I felt when I was playing with her little broken pinky toe, or how I felt when I had to feed her, her afternoon tea, or how it felt walking around with her whilst my mom pushed the wheelchair. How do I remember a memory so clearly; how do I remember a person so completely when I do not have my emotions to guide me? All I see now when I close my eyes, is a blurry image where I cannot see her face or hear her giggle.

If I had but one wish, I would wish that we were graced with a filing room for emotions; because I know, with certainty, that if I could bring up the emotion I felt in a second, it would make me feel alive for a moment and I swear I’d be able to hear her laugh.

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Start a story with...

2014-06-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

This is what she wants most in this world.

A room filled with darkness, but never loneliness.
A grave filled with bones, but never heartache.
The smell of wet grass, but a dry patch to embrace it.
A heart made of stone, but soft enough to never break.
A trust made unbreakable, but never complete.
The music that consumes, but does not have to be found.
A moment of stillness, but never silence.
A mind that is open, but where unicorns can hide.
The rain soaking through, but never freezing the skin.
A garden filled with Eden, but unfilled of religion.
A circle of trust, but not squared by judgement.
The freedom of waves, but not the pain as they crash.
A world filled with perfection, but not the standards that maintain it.
A life filled with completeness, without the consequence of loss.
That moment of unquestionable understanding.

This is what she wants most in this world.

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Who to Fear

2014-06-17T11:27:00.001-07:00

"Do not fear your enemies. The worst they can do is kill you. Do not fear friends. At worst, they may betray you. Fear those who do not care; they neither kill nor betray, but betrayal and murder exist because of their silent consent. "

Bruno Jasieński

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Fantasy Reality Fantasy

2014-05-13T09:07:00.002-07:00

Fantasy.
Reality.

The break. The blur. The cut.
The mist begins to lift
and for a moment
my mind is torn between what's seen
and what's trapped.

Fantasy.
Reality.

Shattered glass breaks before me.
I stand mirrorless and yet all I see is me.

Can you see the pictures in your head?
Can you hear the voices in your mind?
Can you feel the fear inside your soul, blinding you to what the world is really telling you.
Can you feel the past inside your memories, burning your courage to stand your ground.

The pieces blend together and unlike the puzzle promised in the beginning,
the pieces collapse,
collapse,
collapse,
forming the bruises and cuts of what you knew were real,
forming the bruises and cuts that you're bred to trust in.

Fantasy.
Reality.

The trick always begins with the tick of the clock.
The tick of the clock only begins with you.
When did you become the master of your own tricks,
When did you begin to lose control of the title.

When did we want to control fantasy.
When did we lose hold of reality.
When did the lines defining the two become so veiled.

Fantasy Reality Fantasy Reality Reality Fantasy Reality Fantasy Reality Fantasy Fantasy Reality Fantasy

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There are two ways...

2014-04-01T12:00:00.001-07:00

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though anything is a miracle.

But, without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people; first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our whole happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy.

A hundred times every day, I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.

A human being is a part of a whole, called by us the 'Universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. The delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and affection for a person nearest to us.

Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty.

Only a life lived for others is worth living.

- Albert Einstein -

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Goodbye...

2014-03-13T12:28:00.000-07:00

Everything you know
You wonder friend or foe
I'm the burning in your throat when you swallow
But then you spit me out
Your stomach full of doubt
Now you're faking every word out of your mouth
And when you won't let go
It's all about control
Understand I’m born to lead you will follow
Now I don't wanna stay
and I'm running away
Don't you hear me when I say

Goodbye...so long...nice try...I'm gone
You don't like being second
I don't like being wrong
I won't forget, the way you made me feel
I won't regret, running away from here
So I say goodbye again (x2)

And now it's there to see
you've forgotten me
Ever since I was the prince among the thieves
So you hold me down
Strip away my crown
Can't contain me knowing all the truth I've found
Always thinking small
helping me to fall
Now your jealousy and hate consumes us all
I don't wanna stay
and I'm running away

Don't you hear me when i say

Goodbye...so long...nice try...I'm gone
You don't like being second
I don't like being wrong
I won't forget, the way you made me feel
I won't regret, running away from here
You think you've see the world...but you see nothing (x2)
Time is only gonna make it worse in the end
So I say goodbye again

Don't hit me with your fears...I don't fit with your ideas
You missed what I'm about
I earned my way out
And in the end

I'll say goodbye again

I won't forget, the way you made me feel
I won't regret, running away from here
I won't forget, the way you made me feel
I won't regret, so I say goodbye again
Goodbye...so long...nice try...I'm gone (x4)

So I say goodbye again

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The Mortal Instruments

2014-02-10T00:44:00.000-08:00

I have not slept.

Between the acting of a dreadful thing

And the first motion, all the interim is

Like a phantasm, or a hideous dream:

The Genius and the mortal instruments

Are then in council; and the state of man,

Like to a little kingdom, suffer then

The nature of an insurrection.

William Shakepespeare, Julius Caesar

I sang of Chaos and Eternal Night,

Taught by the hev'nly Muse to venture down

The dark descent, and up to a reascend...

John Milton, Paradise Lost

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Betrayal or In That Moment

2014-01-31T01:39:00.003-08:00

My heart stilled
Deeply cracked like parched earth
It crumbled into sand
My bones ached
Brittle as old drumsticks
Their breaking, a song of suffering
My skin ripped
Torn open with a lover's knife
Weeping pools of scarlet sorrow
My soul collapsed
Your words struck like a stick to the back of my knees
Bruising me, pushing me to the ground
And it was only the clock, chiming another hour
Which caused me coalesce
To take in another breath and scream
And it was only the clock, chiming another hour
Which caused me to realize
That you don't love me
And it was only the clock, announcing another day
Which caused me to perceive
That you will never return
And it was only the clock, heralding another year
Which caused me to understand
That you are happier without me

VivaRia

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Reflections of You

2014-01-31T01:17:00.001-08:00

Red On A Rose, playing in background as whispered feathers tickle,
Entwined this heart as soul searched meaning to one behind words.
Forever flowing through river's edges, memories should have spoke;
Love was here from eternity's beginning, for me even if not for you.
Each breath sears lungs as envy's aching overtakes what is left of me.
Can't you see how much I yearn to simply hold your hand?
Tonight, I saw crystal eyes, full of anger and jealousy...not of me...so...
I came home, shed a tear; played old country tunes; thought of you;
Only to realize, it doesn't matter for what is, is what it is and
Nothing can swipe slate of being clean; you are etched within me.
Simply viewing you from afar is good enough for the night and though

Others now notice and I have spoken, I'll stay at bay for another decade,
Forgiving my own deceptive mind for making me think what could be.

You ARE my best friend, the better part of me; the completion I need.
Only now that I have realized you are more and I am less, I shall
Utilize every tool ever made to hide these Reflections of You.

Author Unknown

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Love

2014-01-30T02:39:00.002-08:00

Love means different things to different people. The very young can visualize no pain in love; the teenager sees the death of love as the death of life; the young married woman is forced to realize it has many faces and that some of them are not at all romantic; the mother faces up to the fact that love has to be shared, and often her partner, being unable to accept this, goes searching for the elusive elsewhere; the divorced woman experiences exclusive pangs of love known only to the rejected; the widow is often filled with hitherto unknown love for the departed; the aging put out hands to clutch love.

To most people love conjures up the vision of happiness, but to me, love holds all the pains of life, with happiness merely the thread that links them together.

Catherine Cookson

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Addiction

2014-01-29T15:57:00.000-08:00

This blog was written in 2010.

When you feel the craving inching itself deeper into the infected cut within your mind, is that when you know that you are addicted? When you perform the act that your body does on automatic and your mind screams "This isn't right", is that when you know that you're addicted? When your mind takes over and your body reacts by allowing silent tears to stream from your eyes, is that when you know you're addicted?

Addiction. Are we born with it? Is it something that is carried unseen through our blood line? Is it something we create out of our own pure need to 'release'? Is it something we need in order to gain the attention that puts us within the light? Why do we choose the form of addiction that rules our lives?

More and more people are getting addicted to numerous things... Do we blame the fact that we are alcoholics on our past generations alcohol addictions? Do we blame the fact that we are cutters because the people we trusted and loved have taught us how to cut? Do we blame the fact that we are anorexic or bulimic on the models that prance the catwalk? The blame game is a dangerous game because it is while this game is being played, that people are beginning to lose themselves. At which point, do we lose the person we are meant to be, the person we are and the person we could be? At what point do you say enough is enough?

Just like a fish nibbling on the end of a fishing rod, we nibble at the bait and even though with every bite, it cuts us, we can't help but take that last deathly bite... the bite that in the end will be our ultimate downfall.

Addiction. Addiction. Addiction.
When will we be stronger than addiction?
Addiction. Addiction. Addiction.
The only fight that leaves you fighting against yourself.

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ABC | 123

2014-01-29T06:19:00.003-08:00

It's crazy how I can't put anything in my mind together.
Like A. B. C.

I have all these questions for myself
Let alone all the questions you have for me
I can try to put them out there
But somethings aren't always that easy.

Believe me I know you can see me
But even through the ink
It's sometimes hard to speak freely
Unable to word my true emotions
Also unable to release what's within me.

It's crazy how I can't put anything in my mind together.
Like 1. 2. 3.

I have all these emotions myself
Let alone all the hate you have towards me
I can try to give you the answers
But sometimes getting your help isn't that easy.

Believe me I know you feel for me
But even through the calls
It's sometimes hard to touch you freely
Unable to find the real you
Also unwilling to believe what's within me.

Ashley Nichole

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Little Girl Lost

2014-01-27T03:52:00.002-08:00

Little girl lost her ballon.

Shaped like a heart.

She cried.

Maybe the wind

Would blow it back soon

I lied.

Or the moon

Would catch it in a beam

And fly it

Tonight in her dream.

Little girl lost her love.

Escaped from her heart.

She cried.

Maybe fate

Would bring him back soon

I lied.

Or the moon

Would catch her in a beam

And fly her

Tonight in his dream.

To taste

That one last kiss of goodbye.

Little girl lost her balloon,

And love disappears

On high.

Kevin East

The Meaning Behind the Name

2014-01-23T04:43:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure at some point in our lives we have Googled the meaning of our names. If you say no to that, then rest assured that someone who stalks you probably has.

A while ago I was told that my name means:

Victory to the People

And I think that's bloody brilliant! And so,I decided to do my own personal self-stalking and typed in "the meaning of the name Nikita" and this is what I found.

My name originates from two really amazing places:

Greek and Russian

In Greek it means People's Victory or Unconquerable and in Russian it means Goddess of Victory or Victory of the People.

I am proud of the meaning of my name and it takes the closest friends (who have never judged me, that I can count on my one weensy hand) to know that the meaning behind the name fits through everything I have been through in the last couple of years. Sometimes I feel that in the lowest and hardest moments of my life that I will be defeated and that I can no longer make it through, but it's the small things, the people within my life and the couple good memories I have stored in my head that can get me through and can make me unconquerable through the trials of life.

Maybe today should be a day where you self-stalk your name? Perhaps you'll be pleasantly surprised.

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The China Doll Girl

2014-01-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a girl.

This girl did not care too much but neither did she care too little.

She cared evenly and that was good.

Then one day this girl met a boy.

This boy made her feel special by using words to trap her imagination.

The girl fell for the boys charming stories and the balance began to break.

The girl began to care too much.

The boy turned greedy when he learnt that she could care so much and the boy learnt a new trick.

The boy learnt how to manipulate the girl so that she would care even more.

But no girl is born with the power to care too much for one single boy.

And so, the girl began to crack as she had become as fragile as a china doll.

The boy could see what he was doing.

But the greed had wrapped itself around the boy and all he could think of was himself.

The girl cried out to the boy at night and asked him to fix her.

The boy ignored her pleas in the night and in the day her pleas never existed.

The girl pretended to be strong for the boy whom she had grown to care so much for.

But day by day, night by night, the cracks grew more frequent and wider.

One day the boy craved so much from the girl and the girl tried so hard to give the boy more.

But the cracks were too many and too wide and she struggled.

The boy did not see her fall to her knees.

The boy did not hear her cry turn into a scream.

The boy did not think that the girl could be broken.

The boy did not think of the china doll girl.

The boy begged the girl to care even more and the girl tried but really, she couldn’t.

The boy got mad at the girl for not giving him what he needed.

The girl couldn’t stand for fear of breaking into pieces.

The girl called to the boy.

The girl begged the boy to see her.

The girl begged the boy to hear her.

The girl begged the boy to speak to her.

But the boy, covered by longing and greed, lust and fantasy could not see or hear the girl cry.

The silence filled the gap between the girl and the boy.

The silence became thicker until the boy could not feel the girl.

The silence became thicker until the girl could not feel the boy.

Then in the silence, the smallest sound of shattering glass echoed.

The silence became alive.

The silence moved.

The silence wrapped its dark cloak around the broken remains of the girl.

The silence collected the china doll pieces.

The silence kept this lesson locked in a box.

The girl could not be fixed.

Because the girl had learnt to care too much.

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How to be an Artist

2014-01-18T00:39:00.000-08:00

Stay loose. Learn to watch snails. Plant impossible gardens. Invite someone dangerous to tea. Make little signs that say yes! and post them all over your house. Make friends with Freedom and Uncertainty. Look forward to dreams. Cry during movies. Swing as high as you can on a swing set, by moonlight. Cultivate moods. Refuse to 'be responsible'. Do it for love. Take lots of naps. Give money away. Do it now. The money will follow. Believe in magic. Laugh a lot. Celebrate every gorgeous moment. Take moon baths. Have wild imaginings, transformative dreams and perfect calm. Draw on the walls. Read everyday. Imagine yourself magic. Giggle with children. Listen to old people. Open up. Dive in. Be free. Bless yourself. Drive away fear. Play with everything. Entertain your inner-child. You are innocent. Build a fort with blankets. Get wet. Hug trees. Write love letters.

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2014's Library

2014-01-14T01:39:00.002-08:00

This blog follows the 2013 one, but hopefully with a little more dedication as more than half the books I read last year were not on the list.

The same thing applies; for those of you who do not know me, I have a horrendous memory therefore I've created a book list of all the books I have read so that I don't re-read a book. Life is too short to read the same story twice.

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. - Author Unknown

___

There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book. - Josh Jameson

___

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. - P.J. O'Rourke

A Devoted Bookworm

JANUARY

Author : Danielle Steel | Title : Wanderlust
Author : Sarah Stovell | Title : Mothernight
Author : D.B. Shan | Title : Procession of the Dead
Author : Lana Citron | Title : The Brodsky Touch
Author : Susie Boyt | Title : The Character of Love

FEBRUARY

Author : Saskie Walker | Title : The Harlot
Author : Anne Oliver | Title : The Price of Fame

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The Gatsby Life

2014-01-06T00:57:00.002-08:00

There is conviction, irritation, anger and fiery passion against The Great Gatsby movie and all brought on because the historic pages of a book win over the emotions expressed by actors. The protesters against the film fight and turn up their noses in disgust and I don't think it's because the movie is so vastly different from the book; but I think it's rather because the movie is so unlike each individuals imagination. Perhaps they thought the love between Jay and Daisy would be stronger, more passionate, dripping in lust. Perhaps they thought it was too 'over-played'. Perhaps the movie just didn't give them the exact same emotion they received when they first read the book?

I can't answer this because I never read The Great Gatsby.
I never read this book because when people spoke of it, they made it sound dull and long-winded. In fact, if a movie was never created, I'm very sure that myself and the younger generation would have let this legendary story become just that: Legend. Perhaps all those opposed to the movie, should reconsider the effect this movie has had on many 'younger' folk.

I'm a sucker for love stories. No, let me rephrase that; I'm a sucker for tragic love stories.

I've grown up watching the fairytale endings where they all live happily ever after and though that ending makes me feel all giddy inside, it really is nothing compared to the tragic kind of love. Whilst growing up, I have grown from being content with happy endings to realizing that, in this world, happily-ever-after's are not a common thing. Happily-ever-after only happens in one couples lifetime, once in your lifetime.
Call me twisted, mental or sick-in-the-head but you can only see the truth and amount of love that, that one person holds for another when they know the person of their heart is about to be taken away from them.
What happens when you have your happily ever after? Arguments begin, irritation grows, commanding behaviors are amplified and sometimes this results in murder, beatings and more commonly, divorces.

I sound like the worst kind of pessimist, but I promise I'm not that bad.

Again, I never read The Great Gatsby but thanks to the movie, I found another tragic love story to add to my collection and with this, I have found some meaningful quotes which I would like to share with you.

"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."
"You see I usually find myself among strangers because I drift here and there trying to forget the sad things that happened to me."
"I was within and without. Simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life."
"All I kept thinking about, over and over, was 'You can't live forever; you can't live forever."

"His heart beat faster and faster and Dairy's white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. As his lips' touch she blossomed like a flower and the incarnation was complete."

"I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library."
"She was feeling the pressure of the world outside and she wanted to see him and feel his presence beside her and be reassured that she was doing the right thing after all."
"'Look at that,' she whispered, and then after a moment: 'I'd like to just get one of those pink clouds and put you in it and push you around.'"
"I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful fool."

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