Has Steve Tambellini been fired yet? Inexplicably no.

And now, a little music to commiserate in our sadness.

Tune in tomorrow to see if this has been rectified.

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Has Steve Tambellini been fired yet? Fuck no.

Tune in tomorrow to see if this has been rectified.

Image Source

Has Steve Tambellini been fired yet? Inexplicably no.

Tune in tomorrow to see if this has been rectified.

Image Source

Yesterday afternoon I read an article on one of my favorite sites, Hardwood Paroxysm, about the Basketball Hall of Fame. The article was based on the concept of creating a basketball Hall of Fame in which the induction was based purely on Win Shares. While I couldn’t disagree more about the concept of basing a Hall of Fame purely on stats, let alone one flawed stat, it did bring up a good point. Something needs to be done about the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame.

No sane person would argue the following sentence. The NBA is much bigger than international basketball, the college game or the women’s game. Right? You aren’t going to argue that. So I have a question for you? Why does it share a Hall of Fame with them. Why is the only American sport that lumps it Hall of Fame with all the amateur and inferior league(Ed note: Hockey Hall of Fame does this too.). The Baseball Hall of Fame does not share its Hall of Fame with Japanese or Cuban Leagues. The Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton does not share its Hall of Fame with the CFL, the NCAA or the Arena League. Why do we induct people like Katrina McClain (pause for a second so you can Google who that is, if you even care) amongst our NBA heroes? It makes no sense. I’m not saying the Naismith Hall of Fame in Springfield has to go, these people should be honored. However, I think the NBA should have its own space. I believe it would flourish if it had one. How would such an institution be created? Well I’m glad you asked, because I’m going to tell you.

Where do we build such a building?

In Bill Simmons’s Book of Basketball, he suggests building the Basketball Hall of Fame in Indiana. Part of his argument states that doing so would, like Cooperstown, make going to the Basketball Hall of Fame seem like it is a destination. The point being, making the trip itself is a memorable experience. I usually agree with most of his points, but on this one I couldn’t disagree more. What works for the Baseball Hall of Fame is that it has been “A must-see” attraction for generations. Fathers take their sons and daughters because their father took them a generation earlier, and this will happen until baseball stops being a thing, which may be never. Most people, except for a few diehards(hopefully my voters), are not going to make this trip. The NBA Hall of Fame would need to be somewhere a lot of people are already traveling. When they are in said city, and see the NBA Hall of Fame is nearby they may say, “That’s somewhere I would like to go.” Once inside, the new and far superior Hall of Fame, they will tell all their friends and family what a great time they had. Soon enough, people will be visiting the city with the intention of visiting our Hall of Fame and attending other institutions on the side.

So we need a big city. One frequently visited by both tourists and people on business. Ideally one with an NBA team and a rich basketball history. And because I’m selfish, I want a city where I can just hop on a train and catch every single induction. We are putting the Hall of Fame in New York City. Originally I wanted to put my Hall of Fame in Manhattan. It is the most visited part of NYC by far, and it homes one of the few standing basketball mausoleums in Madison Square Garden. However there is one major flaw in putting the institution there, which is a lack of space. There simply is nowhere to put a building large enough to properly capture the seven (and counting decades) of NBA history. Unless of course you want to spend an exorbitant amount of money to displace others, and then build something on a few city blocks. I don’t think the NBA will go for this. So as much as it pains me to do so, we will go to Brooklyn, the city’s second most famous borough. Public transportation is still plentiful and very easily accessible from NYC via subway. You can advertise the Hall of Fame on this public transportation and at the games of your two local teams. People will not only go to Brooklyn to go to a NBA Hall of Fame, they will be in NYC, see there is a Hall of Fame in Brooklyn, and go as a result. This is not happening in Springfield, Mass. And this is important.

Who Gets in?

We already hinted at this in the intro, but this it the NBA Hall of Fame. NBA personnel only. This after all is the NBA Hall of Fame. If you are an international player who had a big enough NBA career, such as Dirk Nowitzki, you can get in. If you are someone like Arvydas Sabonis, I’m sorry. I love Sabonis. He ranks as one of the greatest international players of all time. Had he come to the NBA in his prime, he may have easily made it into the NBA Hall of Fame. His performance in the 1988 Olympics only reinforces this platform. However, he did not come in his prime. By the time he made it over to the NBA he already had 14 years of international basketball on his legs and many more years of vodka on his liver(This is not a stereotype. By all accounts I’ve ever read Arvydas loved his vodka). It showed when he made his way to the NBA. He was a shell of his former self. There is still a place for him in Springfield, because nobody can ever take the title of “Hall of Famer” away from him. However, no amount of love can change the fact that Arvydas is not an NBA Hall of Famer. Others who can keep the much deserved title Hall of Famer without adding the three letters NBA before it include Harlem Globetrotters, contributors to the woman’s game, officials, pre-NBA players, players who had amazing college careers but only decent NBA careers (see Sampson, Ralph) and college coaches. Originally I was going to include ABA players who did not put together enough of an NBA career to warrant admission (Daniels, Issel, etc.) on this list, however being that the ABA was absorbed by the NBA, and many of the current teams’ histories are ingrained in the ABA as well, I would ultimately leave it to the voters to decide.

Who votes?

Another brilliant question! I feel you (you being me) are reading my mind. The current voting system for the Basketball Hall of Fame doesn’t just suck, it is insane. Call up the person you know who has the most basketball knowledge. Ask them who votes on the basketball Hall of Fame. Just do it. If they say a committee, ask them who is on the committee. If they name names, call them a liar. The following sentence is true, believe it or not, and I’m going to yell in bold face caps because of its absurdity. NOBODY KNOWS WHO VOTES FOR THE NBA HALL OF FAME! What?! Not only that, but there are only 9 members of the panel that votes for North American, NBA players. You need 7 votes to enter the HOF. So let me get this straight, if 3 people say you are not a Hall of Famer, you more than likely will have to wait until you are dead to enter via the Veterans Committee. Not only are votes not made public (like in baseball, even though most will tell you who they voted for), but you have absolutely no idea who these voters are! You do not know their qualifications, you just don’t know anything about them whatsoever. So, if you are an NBA player, your HOF chances can be shot down by just three people who, for all your knowledge, may or may not have watched a majority of your NBA games. Or even a majority of the important ones. If I were Bernard King, I would be going out of my mind every time they announce the inductees. Why the secrecy? Supposedly, it is to protect from solicitation of votes. I don’t get this. We know who votes for the Baseball Hall of Fame and they are about a thousand times more successful than our Hall of Fame. Maybe if you didn’t only have nine voters you wouldn’t have to worry so much about the solicitation factor.

How do we fix this? Well, doing just about anything fixes this awful mess of a situation but I want to make this ideal. First, we increase the number of voters from nine. Putting the biggest honor in basketball in the hands of so few is just not right. I like round numbers and for my idea, 100 sounds just a little too low for my liking. So we will have 200 voters. Here however is the important part. I want my voters not only to be knowledgeable (very important) but to really care about who makes it into the Hall of Fame. I want it to be an honor to vote and not a privilege. To vote for the NBA Hall of Fame you have to apply. I don’t care if your name is Bob Ryan, Bill Simmons(Please note: If they apply I am 99.9% sure they get a vote, but still, they have to care enough to apply, and I believe they would), or if you are a some middle class Long Islander who jumps from blog to blog posting his thoughts on the game he loves (see what I did there). Not only that, but every three years you have to reapply. You’ll see why I chose 3 years in the following section. By forcing everyone to reapply, you insure that they still care about the game. The application will include someone’s basketball writing resume and a page or so on why they want to vote. One of my biggest pet peeves about the baseball process is people who get a vote just because they have always had one regardless of if they have been retired for 20 years and haven’t watched anyone but the local team in a decade. This way we are guaranteed not only a knowledgeable voting contingent, but one who truly cares about the Hall of Fame and understands that their right to vote for who gets in is an honor in itself. But who will choose the choosers you ask? We’ll let Sexy Silver worry about that once David Stern retires and he decides to adopt the idea of some nameless blogger who’s column he stumbled upon 15 months earlier. Oh and one more thing, along with your resume you need proof that you ordered NBA League Pass the last 3 years. You won’t be considered without this. I don’t think it is too much to ask that you want to watch a majority of NBA games in order to vote for the game’s greatest honor.

What about the old Hall of Famers?

We’re starting the whole thing from scratch, right? What better way to decide who has meant the most in basketball so far up to this point. Now I said there was a reason for a three year stay as a voter. The logic behind that was that the first step of Hall of Fame would be to decide who gets in first. For this, I decided on a 3 year process to begin after we have chosen our voters. I decided on a base number of 60 players, for we can all surely think of 60 players that deserve to be in the NBA Hall of Fame. We’ll also keep the standard five year waiting period, as we tend to be too sentimental when a player first retires.

The first year will obviously be the most important year. That year we will induct your first 15 players. These are the players who matter most, the immortals. As Bill Simmons so eloquently put it in his book; This is the Pantheon. We have 200 ballots, in the hands of the best basketball minds in the world. They all name their top 15 players. Whichever 15 players appear on the most ballots, those are your first 15 inductees. This is also the ONLY section of voting where there isn’t a waiting period. Why, because we are going to make Kobe and Duncan (and probably LeBron) eligible for this ballot, because we know they are among the 15 greatest players of all time, and they deserve to be honored as such. Now here is where it gets good: For a two week period in the offseason, we will honor these players one day at a time. Every player gets his own day. My original idea was to do this in order of votes received, but I want to make this as fan friendly as possible. If 7 Lakers get voted in (Shaq, Kobe, West, Wilt, Kareem, Magic, Elgin), they will get one week long block where each player is honored one day at a time. That way Laker fans can come into NYC for one week and get to see all their players inducted in what will forever be known as the most annoying week in the history of NYC. Same with the Celtics assuming Bird, Russell and Hondo(Should be a close one if our voters are really knowledgeable) get in. The only rule. Michael Jordan goes last. Believe me, he will remind you why when it is his turn to speak. The whole day belongs to one player. Former teammates and opponents will tell stories about them (also another reason to do it in blocks, the same former teammates will most likely be speaking on each other’s day). Finally we will hear the player speak himself if he is still alive. Tell me you wouldn’t go to Larry Bird or Bill Russell Day if you were a diehard Celtics fans to hear stories about them for a full day and then hear them speak in the end. Tell me this wouldn’t make the NBA boatloads of money during an otherwise dead time for the league. Tell me, in theory, this isn’t a fun idea. If you tell me any of things I will call you a liar and then unfriend you on Facebook, block you on Twitter and any other thing that can be seen as a sign of disrespect in the social media age. Maybe I’m going a little too far, but I can’t emphasize enough how much I love this idea. It may be my best idea since I dipped Oreos in Nacho Cheese.

The second year will not come with as much fanfare. It will be the same idea as year one. Only this year, the next 20 players will be voted in. It is at this point in time that we return to the five year retired rule. If you were not good enough to make tier one, you have to wait like a normal person. Also this will be when coaches and contributors (such as Biasone, Stern and others) enter the fray. Each member of tier 2 will not get their own day. We will designate 5 Saturday nights during the summer and have players inducted in groups of 4. This way each player will still get significant time to be honored. To keep things as fan friendly as possible we will try to group players together who would want to be seen by the same fans. We will do this by teams/eras. If McHale, Parish and Auerbach get in Tier 2, they will be on the same day. We do the same thing for year 3. However in year 3 we elect 25 players over 6 weeks. That leaves us with a base group of 60 Hall of Famers voted on by original panel of 200. If the panel of 200 wants to go on to vote again for the next three years of normal Hall of Fame Inductions they will have to reapply for membership to the voting block.

Where do we go from there?

After our initial 60 are chosen we go on with the normal criteria. For the first 5 years anyone from the old Hall of Fame who has not yet been elected will remain on the ballot along with a few certain players who should have made it into Springfield’s Hall (Hello, Bernard King). When any player retires, five years later he will be put on the ballot. He will remain there for five years and only five years. My voting block is going to be smart enough to decide if someone is a Hall of Famer or not in those five years. There will be no Dennis Johnsons who had to wait until 2010, 20 years after his retirement, and even sadder 3 years after his untimely death. If you receive 75% of the vote (150 votes), much like baseball you will be enshrined.

There is one exception. Remember our immortals, that group of 15 players who stood out above everyone else? They are hardly going to be the only immortals for the rest of time. We need a way to elect players to that special group of players who get their own day, and their place in our special exclusive group. Think of it as one of those really posh NYC or LA night clubs, only if everyday people actually wanted to go there and pay $600 for a bottle of vodka. So how does one enter this elite club. You only get one chance, and there can be no doubt whatsoever. If you are getting in you don’t have to wait on line, you retire and go directly under the velvet rope. The year a player retires, the committee will vote. However this is no 75% vote, in order to enter the Immortals you will need 95.5% of the (191) votes. Why 95.5%? I want their to be no doubt whatsoever that you belong in this group. If just ten of the most passionate and well educated basketball people in America say you are not an immortal you will not get under the velvet rope. You will go to the back of the line and wait like everyone else. If someone does get the 191 votes needed, they will get their own day, with multiple speakers just like everyone else who made it to the elite of the elite before them.

Not only will this make the Hall of Fame mean so much more, it will encourage stimulating debate and countless blog posts from our army of great writers. What exactly constitutes an immortal? Do you need a title to get under the rope? Is Kevin Durant going to become an immortal or is he merely just another Hall of Famer? Since Steve Nash has back to back MVPs, and every other player who has accomplished this is an immortal, do you have to at least consider him for the honor of immortal. People will crank out better and better material on the hope that when the next space on the voting block becomes available, they are chosen for the honor to fill it. On and on it can go. Will it happen? No. Should it happen exactly as I described it? Probably not. But does the system need to be fixed? Without a doubt, I am merely a humble, mostly anonymous scribe with a few crazy ideas.

-Michael O’Brien (@TheNotoriousMOB)

It is once again time for the best playoffs AND sporting event in North American Sports. No, not the Super Bowl, you know it usually sucks, but The Stanley Cup Playoffs. 16 teams. Four rounds of best of seven. Blood, sweat, tears and missing teeth. Chris Pronger once almost died in the playoffs, shame he pulled through. Due to the immensity of the project, we simply can’t cover it all ourselves, so we brought in a series of guest bloggers to preview their team’s chances.

Helping us preview the Colorado Avalanche is David, the managing editor of the excellent Avs blog, Mile High Hockey

What do you think the Avs chances are in this year’s Western Conference Playoffs?

While there still is time for Avalanche owner Stan Kroenke to buy the NHL and immediately decree that the top 11 teams in each Conference make the playoffs, time is definitely running out. That cash from the failed bid to buy the LA Dodgers is burning a hole in his pocket though, so don’t rule this one out completely.

How disappointed do you think the NHL is that a top franchise like the Avs didn’t make the playoffs?

This is a trick question. The NHL doesn’t have any top franchises in the Western Conference.

If the Avs would have made the playoffs, would the ghost of Patrick Roy haunt them? Or would it be Jose Theodore’s?

More like the haunting moan of 3,000 empty seats.

What needs to be done to get the Avs into the playoffs next year? Do you openly endorse cheating? What about burning Vancouver to the ground?

Instead of burning Vancouver to the ground, I think it would be more fun to light a match 20 feet away from one of the Sedins and watch him drop to the ice in pain. Note: this only works if the referee can see him. Otherwise, he just sulks away quietly.

Do you remember when the Avs won the cup in their first year of existence? That was awesome wasn’t it? Do you miss the blood thirsty 90′s intensity of the Avs-Wings rivalry?

All of that on-ice nastiness took on a whole different meaning once Todd Bertuzzi failed to grasp just when to quit. Now you look back at the blood feud and you’re thankful no one suffered a career-ending injury. Oh, who am I kidding. Of course I miss the rivalry.

And finally, how do you think Joe Sacco will prepare for the playoffs: Cocktail weenies, wings, or strong beer?

Sacco is rumored to be getting a contract extension after winning two playoff games over three years in Colorado. With that in mind, he’ll probably be willing to spring for all three and maybe even through in some salted peanuts as well.

Thanks David, and better luck next year.

It is once again time for the best playoffs AND sporting event in North American Sports. No, not the Super Bowl, you know it usually sucks, but The Stanley Cup Playoffs. 16 teams. Four rounds of best of seven. Blood, sweat, tears and missing teeth. Chris Pronger once almost died in the playoffs, shame he pulled through. Due to the immensity of the project, we simply can’t cover it all ourselves, so we brought in a series of guest bloggers to preview their team’s chances.

Helping us preview the Lofty Sabres, is Andy Boron, the co-editor in chief of the excellent Sabres blog, Die By The Blade

What do you think the Sabres’ chances are in this year’s Eastern Conference Playoffs?

I’d say the Sabres have the same chance as Montreal, Columbus, or Florida. Which is to say none.

How disappointed do you think the NHL is that a top franchise like the Sabres didn’t make the playoffs?

The NHL is probably thrilled that Buffalo didn’t make it – now they can still get the Western New York’s massive Nielsen rating numbers for hockey without having to open any of their playoff games with a shot of abandoned buildings coupled with the phrase “Welcome to beautiful Buffalo, NY!”

If the Sabres would have made the playoffs, would they be the most Calgary Flames roster to make the playoffs since ’89? Or ’86?

Tough to say, considering I was in preschool during the ’89 series. I will say that the news of Jerome Iginla possibly becoming available is exciting because it will allow the Sabres to continue their quest to put together the All Ex-Flames team they’ve been dreaming about. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that the Sabres can get Feaster to throw in Tim Jackman as part of that deal too.

What needs to be done to get the Sabres into the playoffs next year? Do you openly endorse cheating? How about invading and sacking Ottawa?

Cheating, yes; sacking Ottawa, double yes. To make the playoffs next year the Sabres need a few things – they need to not set another franchise record for man-games lost to injury, but more importantly the right guys have to stay healthy – Miller, Myers, Ennis, Ehrhoff. The Sabres don’t have great depth, and those four guys proved this season that they’re the key to making this team click. Buffalo also needs more scoring, whether they bring someone else in, or rely on the fact that almost every forward had a career worst year in goals scored to turn that around. Couple that with the supposed improvement of young guys such as Ennis, Foligno, Hodgson, and Myers, and that’s a playoff team.

Remember Dominik Hasek? He was pretty awesome wasn’t he?

Yeah, that was great. Wait, did this interview just turn into an episode of the Chris Farley Show?[Wouldn't that be awesome?]

And finally, how do you think Lindy Ruff will prepare for the playoffs: The classic wings? Polishing off his resume? Or something more exotic?

Lindy will get ready for the playoffs by organizing his ties according to winning percentage. Which shouldn’t be too hard.

Thanks Andy!

It is once again time for the best playoffs AND sporting event in North American Sports. No, not the Super Bowl, you know it usually sucks, but The Stanley Cup Playoffs. 16 teams. Four rounds of best of seven. Blood, sweat, tears and missing teeth. Chris Pronger once almost died in the playoffs, shame he pulled through. Due to the immensity of the project, we simply can’t cover it all ourselves, so we brought in a series of guest bloggers to preview their team’s chances.

Helping us cover the Columbus Blue Jackets, we brought blogger Brandon Moskal out of retirement to help us out. He is formerly of the KSK podcast, formerly a writer at Gunaxin, and occasional rambler at the unheralded Ramblings of The Unmotivated

What do you think the Blue Jackets chances are in this year’s Western Conference Playoffs?

Ouch. If “2 Broke Girls” can be a successful thing, anything can happen. Columbus should invest in the CBS laugh track to air during telecasts next season.

How disappointed do you think the NHL is that a top franchise like the Blue Jackets didn’t make the playoffs? Do you think Bettman crying was a possibility?

The NHL is losing out on Columbus’ powerhouse TV ratings with the Jackets on the sidelines. On the plus side, the ratings for re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond are projected to spike. As for Bettman crying, that is always a possibility but mainly when Sarah McLaughlin cries about deformed puppies. To be fair though, who doesn’t tear up during that commercial?

If the Blue Jackets would have made the playoffs, would they have been the worst team to ever appear in the postseason?

Nope. The worst team to make a postseason was Germany making the Goodwill Games in D2: The Mighty Ducks. They were out-coached by the Ducks’ trainer and didn’t bother arguing when the Ducks’ goalie (yeah, I know, it was Russ) skated past center-ice for a knuckle-puck. Also, the play should have been blown dead when the goalie took his helmet off during play. Germany’s coach didn’t take issue with that either.

What needs to be done to get the Blue Jackets into the playoffs next year? Do you openly endorse cheating? How much cheating? Would creating Robocop and letting him loose in Detroit be an avenue you’d look at?

Real answer: To even think about playing in April, the organ-I-zation needs to fire GM Scott Howson and team president Mike Priest. Then and only then can a real rebuild begin. You cannot trust the people who got us into this mess to be the ones to get us out.

Fun answer: The Jackets will make the playoffs when Bettman forgets to send the schedule out to other teams and we finish the season 76-6 due to forfeits. We still lose six games to Detroit, even if they don’t show up.

Robocop is a fun idea and may actually be close to happening. According to Wiki, this is the first line of the plot summary: “In the near future, Detroit, Michigan is on the verge of collapse due to financial ruin and unchecked crime.” However, Robocop’s third directive is to “uphold the law”, putting squarely on the other side of the cheating issue.

Remember that one year they made the playoffs? Wasn’t that awesome?

I do remember that! It was fantastic until Game 1 started. There had not been that kind of buzz around the city since the last Buckeye football spring game.

And finally, how do you think Todd Richards will prepare for the playoffs: Cocktail weenies, wings, or meatballs? Polishing off his resume? Directing a series of Gonzo Porn??

Todd Richards will probably play golf. However, he’ll make club selections with the same fervor he selects goaltenders. He’ll keep reaching for his driver with a broken shaft, no grips, and dented club face. All of this despite that fact that he’s been crushing his 3 wood just as far off the tee. He’ll tell the other members of his foursome that’s he’s loyal to the driver because it’s been in the bag longer and is a veteran. He’ll eventually demote the 3 Wood to the AHL. Steve Mason is that driver.

Besides, who can touch his resume? 2009, HC of the Wild, 38-36-8; 2010, HC of the Wild, 39-35-8; 2011, HC of Columbus, 18-21-2. Better question: Who would touch his resume?

First off, sorry for the hiatus. Blogging became less  and less of a priority to me as of late. Why? Mostly because I’m not good at it. Next order of business, Happy Cinco de Mayo. Where everyone drinks but no one admits to being Mexican!

And on to my reason for posting, not only did my good friend Monday Morning Punter (a.k.a. Punte) (a.k.a. Josh Zerkle) (a.k.a. Hater of Earth) leave my old favorite sports blog, With Leather but my favorite podcast that I was never on, Dan Levy has officially shut down the On The DL Podcast. Now this is old news to many of you…but I’m a famous comedian and I can’t get around to things as quick as I used to. Anyway, the point is Dan had an idea for the show where people make predictions on how they think they sports world will turn out in 2 years. I offered my predictions but sadly, none of them made the show….

*sobs in the corner*

Join me after the JUMP! *Tony Reali voice*

The Sandlot is a movie that has garnished much attention from the people I actually talk to on twitter. Though that is a very small circle…some may even say it’s smaller than that fat ginger’s freckles on the tip of his snout…I feel this topic is necessary to post about because of the larger picture. A MUCH larger picture. A picture so large that some would say, “Hey, that’s a pretty large picture.”

The fact is, that the Danger Guerrero we all know and love is hiding something. He’s hiding something within this movie and more specifically, this “genius” scene break down that the rest of you morons were missing…follow me after the jump if you’re curious.

Let’s just call this piece: “An in-depth breakdown of the person who brokedown The Challenge scene from The Sandlot.” Now I don’t know how to do fancy slide shows, but I do know how to step inside the mind of a serial killer. Moving on…and this isn’t from the scene break down but immediately after I said I discovered something in The Sandlot, Danger Guerrero got nervous and he took to twitter to do a little recon-work. Like I wasn’t going to dig deeper. C’mon, son! I always dig deep! Ask any 16 and a half year old in the tri-state area!

So, we all know Danger Guerrero is very, very vain, right? Now, he said he has seen this movie 30 times. Well, at least 30 times. Something just isn’t right about that either, is it? I’ll be honest and I’ve seen this movie a bunch of times, but 30? I was born in 1986, 7 years before this movie was made. I think I would be the front runner for who has seen “The Sandlot” the most amount of times in their entire adult life, but no. Some dude on the internet has claimed to have seen it 30 times. Hm. I’ll take your word for it sir, because I believe it to be true. If not more!

On that very same page, he makes a crack at The Sandlot being old…It’s not. The movie is 18 years old but it warranted this comment from our boy DG: “Before we get started, for any of you who want to die a little in your soul, there’s this: seeing as it was released in 1993, if it were a person, The Sandlot would now be old enough to buy cigarettes. Guh. Let’s go.”

First of all, he says this joke as if he was mad that the film was old. Like it makes him feel old. Like a mother would gasp at her child hitting puberty. And secondly, I don’t want to bash my friend but that’s what we call “cold joke” in the comedy business. A cold joke is where you are warming up the audience by throwing little jokes at them just to get them to chuckle, or warm up. As in, you would throw a cold joke at a cold audience. Riddle me this, intelligent reader. Why would a vain internet writer waste his time with “cold jokes?” Especially when their identity is not revealed thus having zero repercussions on their true person for typing words? Well, I’ll tell you. Because he’s show business savvy. That’s why. That’s what that joke proves. Plain and simple. He has probably taken an improv. class or two in his life. Who knows, maybe even a developmental comedy class. I see them all the time, they’re cheap. It would be some good material for your résumé, wouldn’t it?

And lastly, why this scene? Why “The Challenge?” In my opinion, it’s one of the weaker scenes in the movie. I’d much rather write about Squints kissing Wendy Peffercorn or “The Chase” with Hercules and Benny the Jet. C’mon! It was set to “Wipe Out” for Christ’s sake! Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Danger Guerrero chose that scene from The Sandlot because he was in it. Yes sir. Danger Guerrero was a one hit wonder and was in The Sandlot. He’s watched it so many times because he knows he’s peaked with his presence in such a great film. He’s trying to reinvent himself on the internet using a fake alias and doesn’t want to be known as that guy from The Sandlot (like Squints gets). He is show-biz savvy and even the age coincides (sort of). The whole “law school” thing was a farce. He’s thrown out so many decoys that you can’t believe what he says. You need to take it from me, I’m a *trained detective.

*un

Anyway, let’s get to my conclusion. Danger Guerrero is Wil Horneff also known as “Phillips” from The Sandlot. Think about it. “Danger” is because of all of Wil’s hobbies that include rock climbing, flying and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and “Guerrero” an obvious play on his jealousy of losing the leading role to the hispanic Mike Vitar (Benny the Jet). Or is it just because he travels to Spain once a year for the running of the bulls? Full of danger and Guerreros! Born in Jersey, raised a Philly fan. I don’t know DG, you tell me?

You sly boots, DG.

This is why he thinks Phillips stole the show of The Challenge! IT WAS HIM! He let his hate marinate for Ham Porter whom everyone called a hero for delivering the classic line: “YOU PLAY BALL LIKE A GIRL!” like the H-Bomb that it was at that time. He was jealous of Ham for getting all the attention. But “You bob for apples in the toilet… and you like it!” was so clever and witty. Yeah right, Danger. We get it. You can improv, it wasn’t THAT great.

DG or Horneff was mad because he had to wear a jacket on that hot day of filming while Vitar got to film in the nice, cool swimming pool. That’s why he stabbed that writer’s dog!

“Serious discussion point: Almost half of the insults Porter throws out would double as good titles for disturbing foreign porn films. Especially “Pee-Drinking Crapface.” Get on it, Germans.” That’s weird, DG…Wil Horneff likes to spend A LOT of time in Europe. Specifically Germany, where he is fluent? Hm. Could you make this any easier?

The only thing I don’t get is the love for Squints. I can’t seem to find the connection other than Brandon Moskal interference who has Squints as his Twitter avatar for a long time and convinced DG to be nice to at least this protagonist after 18 years of hatred and jealous of the Wendy Peffercorn scene. Tell me the drawing of DG and the picture of Wil Horneff aren’t identical? You can feel the jealousy, rage and shame.

It’s either Moskal interference or the fact that Chauncey Leopardi is the only one to keep his role from the first movie in the direct-to-DVD sequel “The Sandlot: Heading Home.” Maybe Horneff would like to get the gang back together and play the bad guy again? Make a few bucks?

So to be honest with you, everything in his post was highly critical or able to be criticized EXCEPT f for the talk about the Phillips character…

And you can tell that all of this is true through the comedic style tweeting of THEDangerGuerrero. You can tell he misses someone but still bitter that he’s passed his prime or mad about the success of his remaining pals. Except ALL of his other friends from his old Sandlot bike gang died in a horrible gay HIV accident except for one guy…

Why else would he mention this guy!?

That’s because this kid grew up to be, none other than, ELI MANNING.

BOOM!

I HAVE EXERCISED THE DEMONS! THIS ROOM IS CLEAR! *humps* YES! YES! YES!

The Man pictured above is one Ueli Steck. He is not the most physically imposing man that you’ll ever come across, but his tremendous skill at mountain climbing brings up to the Rushmore of Manly Men. In 2008 after abandoning an attempt to climb Annapurna, he returned to base camp. Days later though, Spanish climber Inaki Ochoa de Olza collapsed during an attempt up the mountain, and Ueli climbed to try and save the man’s life, though it was too late. Think about that the next time someone asks for help moving furniture and you’re too lazy to help.

Anyways, I kind of rambled on there. Moving on. In 2003 climber Christoph Hainz did a speed climb in four and a half hours, which inspired Ueli(Warning, link in Swiss). In 2007 Ueli climbed the 13,025 ft Eiger mountain in three hours and fifty four minutes. Unsatisfied and knowing he had not reached his potential, he set out to make himself leaner, faster and stronger.

After receiving criticism on his record for using the route and hooks of a previous climber, he gave the climbing world a big eff you and threw up his middle fingers(figuratively, of course, he seems to be a really nice guy). Having already shed 9 lbs from his previous climbing weight, he decided to go minimalist in an effort to beat his time. He carried some energy gels, bars, crampons, ice axes and a climbing rope up with him as his only supplies. The rope was in case of emergency only and not intended to be part of his actual climbing procedure.

So with minimal supplies, and a sure heart, he set off in 2008 to beat his already record time of Eiger, this time with a film crew. He broke his own record by over an hour and he used no one else’s route or previously existing equipment. Ueli climbed the 13,025 foot tall mountain in an astonishing 2 hours and 47 minutes. With no real safety gear or precautions. In doing so, he has shown himself as one of the manliest men of being a man. Nothing you do will ever even approach what he accomplished. Below the jump is an utterly breathtaking 4 minute HD video clip that is a promo for the upcoming film, “Swiss Machine” by Sender Films. I recommend that you watch it on full screen HD for all it’s brilliant glory.

Thanks to Bruce Arthur for the video.