thehumanbehaviours | Magazine about psychology, philosophy and reflections on life.

What are some psychological facts about love?

2020-06-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

1. Eye contact is key.

Some extraordinary research has found that couples who are in love and bond in a romantic relationship synchronize their heart rates after gazing into each others’ eyes for three minutes.

2. Love works fast.

It only takes up to 4 minutes to decide whether you like someone or not.

3. Love can be addictive.

Falling in love is much like taking a dose of cocaine, as both experiences affect the brain similarly and trigger a similar sensation of euphoria.

Research found that falling in love produces several euphoria-inducing chemicals that stimulate 12 areas of the brain at the same time.

4. Your heart can actually break.

Research has provided evidence that intense, traumatizing events, such as a break-up, divorce, loss of a loved one, physical separation from a loved one, or betrayal can cause real physical pains in the area of one’s heart. This condition is called the Broken Heart Syndrome.

5.Biologically, your love changes with time.

It is estimated that romantic love, which is linked with euphoria, dependence, sweaty palms, butterflies and alike, only lasts about a year. After that first year begins the so-called “committed love” stage. The transition is linked with elevated neurotrophin protein levels in newly formed couples.

6. Love goes hand in hand with stress.

Studies show that people at an early stage of love have lower levels of serotonin, which is associated with feelings of happiness and well-being, and higher levels of cortisol, associated with stress.

7. Priorities change when looking for a long term companion.

There’s evidence that when looking for a fling, the body wins over the face on a physical attraction basis. The opposite is true, however, for those who are looking for a long-term relationship partner.

8. Feelings make life that much sweeter.

Researchers looked at a group of people, and found that those who were thinking about love said a specific kind of food was sweeter than those thinking about jealousy or something neutral.

9. Some people can’t feel love.

Some individuals who claim never to have felt romantic love suffer from hypopituitarism, a rare disease that doesn’t allow a person to feel the rapture of love.

10. Your body has a “vein of love.”

Engagement rings are often worn on the fourth finger of the left hand because the ancient Greeks maintained that that finger contains the vena amoris, or the “vein of love,” that runs straight to the heart.

11. Add a little adventure to your life.

Studies show that if a man meets a woman in a dangerous situation (and vice versa), such as on a trembling bridge, he is more likely to fall in love with her than if he met her in a more mundane setting, such as in an office.

12. Sometimes, timing really is everything.

Timing significantly influences love. Individuals are more likely to fall in love if they are looking for adventure, craving to leave home, lonely, displaced in a foreign country, passing into a new stage of life, or financially and psychologically ready to share themselves or start a family.

13. Women like testosterone.

Women around the world are more likely to fall in love with partners with ambition, education, wealth, respect, status, a sense of humor, and who are taller than they are. Women also prefer distinctive cheekbones and a strong jawbone, which are linked to testosterone levels.

14. Eye contact is key.

Scientists suggest that merely staring into another person’s eyes is a strong precursor to love. In an experiment, strangers of the opposite sex were put in a room together for 90 minutes where they talked about intimate details and then stared into each other’s eyes without talking. Many felt a deep attraction for each other, and two married each other six months later.

15. Attraction is evolutionary.

Men in love show more activity in the visual part of the brain, while women in love show more activity in the part of the brain that governs memory. Scientists speculate that men have to size up a woman visually to see if she can bear babies, while women have to remember aspects of man’s behavior to determine if he would be an adequate provider.

16. Slow and steady wins the race.

The longer and more deliberate a courtship, the better the prospects for a long marriage. People who have intense, Hollywood-type romances at the beginning are more likely to divorce.

17. Men and women feel love differently.

Women often feel loved when talking face to face with their partner; men, on the other hand, often feel emotionally close when they work, play, or talk side by side.

18. Love is a journey.

Scientists suggest that most people will fall in love approximately seven times before marriage.

19. Love & sex influence us differently.

Research has shown that thinking of love influences creativity and abstract thoughts, as well as long-term planning. Thinking of sex however influences immediate decision making and attention to momentary details.

20.Kissing extends your lifespan.

Men who kiss their wives in the morning are thought to live up to 5 years longer.

Keys to reduce egocentrism

2020-06-03T06:01:00.001-07:00

Self-centeredness can be reduced by adjusting distorted beliefs and fostering empathy. In this context, the goal becomes easier under certain circumstances. Do you want to meet them?

Egocentrism is the main characteristic of the infant stage. The inability to perceive the world from a different perspective than their own is common in children. However, when proper emotional development does not occur, this behavior can carry over into adulthood, where it can project serious inter and intrapersonal problems.

It is that, contrary to what it may seem at first glance, self-centered people are unhappy and feel insecure. The suffering they cause in their environment with their behavior is only a reflection of their instability and internal uneasiness. It is possible to reverse this situation, but only to the extent that the main stakeholder becomes aware and decides to make changes.

What are egocentric people like?

Many of us have at some point had the misfortune to come across an egocentric person. If our contact has been superficial, its presence will have remained in our memory merely as an unpleasant anecdote.

However, for those who establish deep relationships with these individuals the consequences can be devastating . Because if you bond with someone who only looks at himself, you will end up feeling invisible.

Self-centered people feel like the center of the world (and also the periphery). They constantly think of themselves and consider themselves important and special. Their only concern is their own opinions and interests, and they do not hesitate to ignore and belittle the thoughts and feelings of others.

They are despotic, arrogant and manipulative individuals. They are overconfident and self-confident. Their personal relationships are based on the benefit they can obtain from them. The egocentric will never show reciprocity since he is only concerned with his needs.

These people often have fantasies of success and power. They believe that they possess an unlimited potential that, at any moment, will lead them to the brightest success. The cult of self they profess is so high that it can make them completely devoid of empathy.

The reality of egocentrism

For all these reasons, self-centered people show themselves to others with a safety mask. They appear to have enormous self-esteem and high confidence. They pretend to be independent, self-sufficient, infallible, and successful.

But the reality is that behind this veil great insecurities and deficiencies are hidden. Their pose of arrogance and arrogance is a mere overcompensation of their fear that others will discover that they are insufficient. Well this is what they really think of themselves.

Their self-esteem is fragile, so they are hypersensitive to the slightest criticism. They exhibit their fictional character to gain approval that they do not give themselves, and that deep down they feel they do not deserve. They are related from manipulation, control and blackmail, because they do not believe they have what is necessary to be loved and accepted an equal and reciprocal bond.

How to reduce egocentrism?

As we see, egocentrism is a quality that generates suffering both in the egocentric individual and in those close to him. It is possible to reduce or eliminate this attitude and associated behaviors, through different interventions :

It will be necessary to modify the cognitive distortions that the egocentric person has about himself. Adjust reality to your perceptions of importance, greatness, and infallibility. For this, it will be necessary to carry out a process of cognitive restructuring, addressing dysfunctional schemes.
Working to achieve healthy self-esteem will help the individual learn to give himself real credit and approval. In this way it will not be necessary to project the fictional character to achieve praise and external recognition.
Finally, it will be important to develop empathy and the ability to perceive the points of view of others. The egocentric will have to learn to divert the focus from himself to become more aware of the opinions, feelings and needs of those around him.

Finally, as social beings, we all want and need to truly show ourselves to others, as well as establish intimate and real interpersonal connections. If we hide behind a mask, if we refuse to look at the reality of others, we will be condemning ourselves to live a lonely, unsatisfied and unreal life.

Let's learn to accept ourselves as we are so that we can show ourselves without lies. Let us look at others and let them look at us. The walls protect us, but they also isolate us.

The different types of introverted behavior

2020-06-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

Scholars, such as Jonathan Cheek and Jennifer Grimes, have identified different types of introverts and have shown that there are a wide variety of preferences and forms of behavior. Therefore, classical or mythological definitions or intuitions are very imprecise.

What defines an introverted behavior goes far beyond the attitudes that a person adopts in socialization.

This is demonstrated by the 10-item introversion-extroversion test on Susan Cain's site, The Quiet Revolution. By examining the dimensions of introversion in the test description, we are aware that the definition of introversion has fortunately been updated.

Research on introversion years ago overcame differentiation based on " I like to be alone / I like to be with people ." Introverted behavior can have as many or more nuances than extroverted behavior.

Thus, in the group of introverts there may be socialization preferences that are not usually available, so they may prefer to stay home.

They can enjoy each other's company very much, but in another way that extraverts do. And above all, their preference for certain activities can vary over time, as much as it happens with other people.

Introverted behavior and its different forms

In the 1920s, Carl Gustav Jung created the introvert / extrovert distinction. Despite its existence, it was not until the 1940s that it began to be used more commonly in psychology.

It began to be investigated especially in the field of personality. Jung also identified a third personality type, although he never categorized it.

Currently there is the term ambivert. It falls right in the middle of the introvert-extrovert plane. In many ways, ambiverts have the best of both worlds, able to harness the strengths of introverts and extroverts depending on the circumstances.

Scholars, like Jonathan Cheek and Jennifer Grimes, have been identifying different types of introverts. The first type is the one that will sound most familiar: social introverts.

1. The social introverts

This is the profile that most closely resembles the general view of introversion. They are people who value reading at home more than shopping.

A social introvert highly values their living space and close relationships , preferring to go out for a drink with their lifelong friends rather than go to Tomorrowland.

Although they could be mistaken for shy people, there is an essential difference. While the shy feel anxiety when - or faced with the possibility - of being the focus of attention, social introverts feel better in smaller groups in which the level of stimulation and change may not be as high .

2. The introspective introverts

Another type identified by Cheek and Grimes is what they call "introspective introverts." That dimension puts focus or attention on a more internal element or composition. Unlike socialists, introspective introverts have no problem socializing.

This type of introvert is characterized by being people with a great inner world , capable of losing themselves in fantasy horizons and taking advantage of their imagination to translate it into creative trades.

Professor Cheek stated that these introverts are " capable of getting lost in an internal fantasy world, but not in a neurotic way, but in an imaginative and creative way ."

An example that Cheek gives is Luna Love or od, the wizard of Harry Potter. Her inner madness, which makes her mysterious as well as deranged, is what would perfectly define a mental introvert.

3. The restricted introverts

The third type of introvert that Jonathan Cheek has raised is defined more by a style of doing than thinking. They are the "restricted introverts", who raise their actions or their execution at a slower pace.

Restricted or reserved introverts prefer to think before speaking or acting, and may take longer to get going. Professor Cheek states that "I have never thought of introversion this way before, so I am interested to see what future research tells us about restricted introversion and how it correlates with the other varieties."

They take their time before doing anything, plan everything they will do during the day, and like to keep the situation under control. Unlike the anxious, they don't have to be insecure. They are simply people who analyze the world and put aside their impulsiveness.

4. Anxious introverts or social anxiety?

Professor Cheek points to another type of introvert, the anxious introvert. They respond to items with statements like, " I feel painfully self-conscious when I'm around strangers, " or " Even when I'm in a group of friends, I feel very lonely and restless ."

Faced with a profile that may seem similar, we sometimes speak of introversion and other times of social anxiety.

Reflections on introversion

Introverts are people who enjoy solitude and often have an active inner life. They take a more deliberate approach to personal growth and feel drained by over-stimulating environments.

In different people, the different components could be more or less important, but in general they all look quite similar on these points.

What is surprising about the different varieties or components of introversion is how enriching they can all be. Extroverts have always tended to benefit from the assumption that their way of life was psychologically healthy.

Researchers like Cain and Dembling show us with their study how varied and adaptive introverted behavior can be.

Between resentment and forgiveness: the choice is up to you

2019-12-04T06:51:00.000-08:00

Faced with a situation that causes us suffering, we can choose to forgive or let ourselves be carried away by resentment. Both paths have consequences, it is up to us to face each other. Which one do you decide?

Much has been said about the character of the Joker, due to the latest film by Todd Phillips. The film shows us the life of Arthur Fleck, who had to deal with great difficulties:

Family members: grow up with the absence of a father and the presence of a mother who felt she did not protect him, but believed in him
Social: the teasing of those who considered him "a nobody's gift."
Personal: fight for your big dream, be funny, that never came true.

Around these circumstances, little by little, the Joker was built: an injured person influenced by everything he lived to undermine his mental health.

It is true, we are all immersed in a family and social context that influences us, but that does not always have to condition us to live in a certain way. On some occasions, we are free to decide.

Next, we offer a possible psychological interpretation of the Joker's character, from which we will explain certain mechanisms and strategies that many people carry out in an attempt to protect themselves from suffering and what ways we can choose to heal ourselves. Let's go deeper.

How do we tell our lives?

In this sense, it is the most cognitive psychological theories that hold that we are in language, that is, we are what we say and tell each other.

«I am not a victim of reality but of how I tell myself».

The constructivist approach maintains the idea that the human being is not only a result of its context but that its internal dispositions also count. In this way, the person performs a reconstruction of reality based on the interaction of both factors.

Thus, the constructivist model points out that we tend to build reality according to our own personal budgets. In this way, the person who observes is the one who decides how to signify the reality he meets. Therefore, following this approach, it is not reality that makes us suffer, but the meanings that we decided to grant it.

«Patients go to therapy because the reality that they themselves have built is unfeasible. Therefore, all varieties of therapy are based on the modification of these constructs ».

-Salvador Minuchin-

From this perspective, we can say that the character of the Joker was building through different internal attributions the belief that reality surpassed him and could not do anything to change it.

A phenomenon that the psychologist Martin Seligman called learned helplessness: that condition in which a situation is still responding in the same way, while the person convinces himself that he has done everything possible and does what he does You cannot change the circumstances that cause you difficulty.

When we don't connect with our emotional world

Together with all those attributions and constructions on himself, the character of the Joker also took its toll on his emotional side; for a long time, he mishandled his emotions and feelings, unable to elaborate or share them.

One of the possible interpretations of Joker's behavior is that in order to alleviate his emotional suffering, he used his defense mechanism perfectly: that laugh - laughter that did not come to mind and that distanced him from experiencing the emotions and feelings that generated discomfort. In this way, they were trapped inside, which resulted in a disconnection of himself and others, because his feelings of bitterness and frustration projected them into those who he said had hurt him.

Now, at what time did the disconnection begin? When was he defeated and introduced into this process of victimization as a result of his injuries?

According to the victimization mechanism, every victim seeks a guilty party. Was that what the Joker intended?

However, despite being a fictional character, it is not far from some real characters that have existed throughout history or from those that we can also find in our day to day. Who says we can't fall into that victimhood because of mistakes and life traps?

The way of forgiveness

It is necessary to know the stories and biographies of the people who suffer. Only then can we understand them. Hence, empathy is one of the fundamental tools for our relationships.

However, it is also advisable to help them make a personal elaboration of their circumstances in which they do not play the role of victims, but rather the ability to take charge of their own lives.

There are stories of other people who, in similar conditions and after a process of personal elaboration, chose a more favorable option for their mental health: forgiveness.

Among them, we can highlight the experience of Tim Guenard, one of the parents of resilience, who in his book Stronger than Hate, tells us about the simplicity and sincerity of his story: a life marked by pain, abuse, and violence

However, the opportunity to elaborate his story and heal his wounds earned him to change his gaze towards his past and live far from anger and resentment.

Today, Tim Guenard goes to where he is called to narrate his experience and demonstrate to the world that " man is free to alter his destiny ." In addition, it also does a great job providing accommodation and support to the needy.

«Forgiveness can save your life. I have never found anything as effective as forgiveness to heal deep wounds. Forgiveness is a powerful medicine »

-Robert Enrihgt-

It is true that an injured heart has a hard time forgiving and loving again, in fact opting for forgiveness does not happen overnight, even though it starts from a decision. Its elaboration is a process and, as such, it can become an attitude towards life. However, it is also true that on that path it is necessary for someone to show that there is that opportunity to get up and regain confidence in oneself and others.

Tim Guenard said it in one of his interviews: « In real life when you hear people who have risen after living difficult situations, you realize that nobody gets up alone. I myself have had people on my way: the homeless man who taught me to read, Pope Gaby (his adoptive father of state social services), the good judge and Father Thomas. All are as gifts. The most beautiful gift in life is the people that one has wanted and wants, and it takes a lifetime to meet them ».

As we see, we are not determined by what happens to us and by what we live. It is we who decide how to tell us and process it inside.

We cannot change reality, but we have the vision we have of it. It is up to us to decide on what to choose in life; either for resentment or forgiveness, but not forgetting that the choice is ours and knowing that the heart is made to love. Thus, giving us an opportunity to restore it is a challenge that leads us to live in peace.

*** Editorial Note: The interpretation of the Joker character in this article has been taken only as an example to explain the resilience and forgiveness that we can adopt from the perspective of the author of the article.

How long does the crush last?

2019-12-02T22:09:00.000-08:00

We have all fallen in love sometimes, and there is no doubt that it is an incredible sensation, at the same time anguishing one. Here we explain what happens when we fall in love following a line shared by most published studies.

Falling in love is an emotional state characterized by the feeling of joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction that is preceded by the attraction to another person. This stage leads us to an altered state of consciousness, influencing our body to the point of leading to erroneous decisions.

Sexual attraction would be the phase before falling in love. This desire for the other is determined, among other factors, by the activation of certain brain areas because of substances emitted by the other, pheromones, or biological changes in oneself.

Sexual attraction

Our body secretes various substances when we face a stimulus that attracts us (the person, or the idea of having it nearby). Thus, there is an increase in testosterone or estrogen, increasing desire. In turn, this desire leads to an increase in adrenaline, glucose, and phenylethylamine.

These neurotransmitters make, when we feel sexual attraction, our body is activated, increasing the heart rate, sweating, preparing our organs for sexual response and to feel pleasure.

According to some authors, this feeling of uncontrollable desire for the other can last about two years. It is around that time when a decrease in desire hormones is observed. However, it overlaps with the rise of another hormone, known as that of love, oxytocin.

Falling in love

Falling in love leads us to feel tremors, to pale or blush, feelings of discomfort, stuttering, and loss of control of emotions. But why does this happen?

Numerous studies support that falling in love is, a priori, as an addiction, which includes withdrawal and even tolerance.

Neurobiology

When you feel desire for someone, the nervous system activates the endocrine system to prepare it for sex. However, the absence of the person and the inability to satisfy the desires leads to the inhibition of the same.

The prefrontal regions inhibit the impulse and, in view of the increase in phenylethylamine, vasopressin, and other hormones, dopamine is produced in large quantities until segregating endorphin.

All this produces an imbalance in different systems, such as the dopaminergic. This inability to consummate desire leads to a decrease in serotonin that causes a lack of interest in activities, insomnia, decreased appetite, concentration ...

For its part, the increase in acetylcholine leads to obsessive and recurring thoughts about the desired person. We talk about compulsive behaviors, such as constantly looking at your photo or checking if you have written to us.

Oxytocin

Oxytocin is a hormone that secretes the brain, specifically in the hypothalamus. Although men and women produce oxytocin, their production is higher in women, and it increases during orgasm, childbirth, and breastfeeding.

In both humans and other animals, this substance is related to care. Thus, the more oxytocin, the more protection tendency.

That is when, in addition to the attraction, a component of tenderness and care is added. A need appears to be together for a long time, to watch over the other and to feel reciprocated, so that both feel very well with the presence of the other.

How long does it last?

Taking into account all the processes underlying the infatuation, it is estimated that the common crush has a short duration, ranging from weeks to a year. Interestingly, there seems to be a relationship between the age of the lovers and the duration of the crush: the younger, the shorter the crush lasts, but the more intense it is.

Despite this, the crush can be extended. Given that it is composed of sexual desire and positive affection and care, these aspects can be, and should be, kept alive for as long as possible. Going to a more settled love phase does not mean that our body cannot continue reacting and giving us "all those aphrodisiacs who feel at the beginning."

Falling in love is a combo between the high sexual attraction and the imbalance of the organism, which as contacts increase, gives way to a more intimate bond. You begin to know the other person and consider whether you want to continue with it or not.

Attachment has been added to sexual attraction, resulting in falling in love. But it is after this stage when it begins to raise the possibility of going beyond. According to experts, if at this point, the other person is considered to have values and a personality compatible with their own, it is when the love bond occurs.

What effect does music have on the brain?

2019-12-02T01:13:00.001-08:00

Music in the brain is processed through neural networks that involve areas of auditory and motor processing, and its perception and performance involve various cognitive functions.

Music is part of our history practically since we have data from it. On the other hand, since we are born, it is present in our environment. In fact, experts consider it so relevant that throughout history they have wanted to find the different effects that music causes in the brain.

As a summary, we can say that music in the brain is processed through neural networks that involve areas of auditory and motor processing. On the other hand, their perception and execution involve various cognitive functions.

In addition, the changes that produce music in the brain are another means for the rehabilitation of many people through music therapy, which is able to improve our health thanks to various factors: attention, emotion, cognition, behavior, communication, and perception.

«Whoever wants to understand human nature, the interaction between brain and culture, between evolution, mind and society, has to carefully examine the role that music has played in the life of the human being, the way in which music and humanity they have evolved together, shaping each other

-Daniel Levitin-

Music in the brain, what is it for?

Most researchers looking for the origin of musical skills are based on two observed facts and an assumption. The observed facts are that all human societies known to date have music and that musical skills manifest themselves from the early stages of children's development.

A baby of two months already discriminates between sounds considered pleasant and sounds that for most are unpleasant. In addition, you can remember melodies heard days before. From this it could be concluded that music is innate: human beings are born gifted to appreciate it without anyone teaching us.

The assumption that arises: if evolution has endowed us with musical brains, it must be because music gave our ancestors some advantage in their environment. Following this, Darwin thought that music in humans emerged as a tool for courtship, as did the peacock's tail and the singing of many bird species. However, this opinion is now a minority since, if the music were exclusively of sexual origin, why does it fulfill so many other functions and appear in such diverse activities?

Experimental psychologist Steven Pinker of Harvard University says: "music is not an adaptation, but a kind of side effect of other abilities and needs of the human organism."

Pinker points out that music, with its repetitive, orderly and predictable sounds, "tickles" us at the pleasure centers that serve to indicate that we have found an orderly and safe environment. Music can be innate without being adaptive, like other pleasure technologies; For example, gastronomy: the body only requires nutrients, without requiring that they come fried or seasoned.

"We are innate musical creatures from the depths of our nature."

-Koelsch-

What causes music in the brain?

According to Robert Zatorre, a neuroscientist at the Montreal Neurological Institute, musical activities such as listening, playing, composing, put almost all our cognitive abilities to work.

As we have commented at the beginning, many neuroscientists are interested in the neurophysiology of music in the brain because it can reveal many things about its general functioning.

Music can cause such contradictory sensations, such as joy or sadness. Krumhansl showed that the music with fast time and in greater tone created reactions of happiness and that, on the contrary, music with slow time and in minor tone generated sadness.

It is related to memory, emotions, moods and our creative capacity and is closely related to language. There are studies in which it is observed that people with autism or cerebral palsy who have difficulties in language have a great ability to express themselves through musical instruments. Therefore it can serve as communication.

Music in the brain activates physiological and chemical processes involved in reward systems that we are not aware of. This indicates innate neural networks responsible for the musical reaction.

Like food, addictive drugs or sex, music activates the dopaminergic system that is involved in the pleasure of listening to music, increasing cerebral blood flow in regions of the ventral striatum, especially in the nucleus accumbens.

Blood proposes that it is an emergent property in the complex human cognition since music is not necessary to survive or reproduce, but it can be significant for us to maintain good health.