oh, those kahles ...

Simple Simon

2012-02-15T18:50:00.000-06:00

Is it me... or has this word always been a verb?

If you guessed the number of jelly beans in the jar correctly, you would win the chance to "pie" a teacher.

Hmmmm... must be a Texas thang.

Brrrrr

2012-02-14T20:08:00.000-06:00

As I ran out the door this morning, Rick called to me, "It's gonna be cold... take a coat!"

Rick is normally very astute about the weather. Obsessed, even. He is always turning on the TV "to find out what the weather's gonna be like" while I just tell him to stick his head out the door and see for himself.

And right about now, he's correct. It is going to be cold today. However, the one thing Rick has forgotten is that I'm always prepared for the cold. Always. Even in the summer.

I see four items of warmth in my backseat. I wouldn't want my backseat to be exposed to the elements, you know.

Here's a close up. This little teal number is my favorite.

And... the trunk. I see two more right there.

So... yes, Rick. I'll take a coat.

Valentine's Day in Deb Kane's world

2012-02-11T11:59:00.002-06:00

Debbie Kane is a phenominal writer. I've loved her work since I first met her little sister umpteen years ago and listened to her brag about her sister's latest ~~rantings~~ work. And I've wanted to meet Deb ever since. Well, I've still never met her but I feel like I know her now. Just through her writings. And Facebook. Some of Debbie's best work is on Facebook! We convinced her to blog and this is one of her first entries. Perfect for this particular day...

Oh dear gawd. The unopened Christmas credit card bills have barely hit the shredder and here comes Valentine’s Day. I know, many people anxiously anticipate this frilliest of holidays. Some because they have stock in Hallmark. Many, many others are starry-eyed romantic dreamer types with their heads up their, uh, clouds. Yeah, we’ll go with clouds. If you haven’t picked up the vibe yet, I am not in either category.

In an effort to figure out why I have such a nasty attitude about this day of love and Cupid (Rhymes with ‘Stupid’…’nuff said), let’s travel back to grammar school. Back in my day, Valentine’s Day was one big pink and red lace-trimmed festival. We spent all morning decorating our little Valentine’s mailboxes – the base could be a shoebox, tissue box or a cereal box rescued from the trash at home. In desperation, a certain feminine hygiene product box served just fine, and was not nearly as embarrassing as one would thing. Since grammar school boys don’t mature until—well—ever, it was easy to convince them the products pictured were big thick Odor Eaters. Armed with a wide array of art supplies, we all set to work decorating our mailboxes. The boys were done in under a minute. Doesn’t take long to tape three baseball cards to a shoebox.

We girls took much longer. Every year, my artistic vision far exceeded both my artistic ability and the array of art supplies. I pictured a sparkling lace and glitter confection of a treasure chest that would be positively bursting with Valentines, including a breathtaking handcrafted creation from Dougie or Billy or the new kid – whoever I was head over Keds for that week. I further imagined that after the exchanging of handcrafted proclamations of undying affection, my one true love du jour and I would share chocolate cupcakes decorated with fluffy white frosting and cinnamon hearts. Then as the sun set in the west, we would walk, hand in hand to Bus #9. I’ll give you a moment to wipe the tears away. Now here’s how it usually played out.

We’ll start with the wide array of art supplies. The glue, having been left uncapped since the Christmas projects was a cementy clot, the little scissors jammed up at the sight of construction paper, the paper lace doilies, being all fused together, came apart in little shards and the glitter stuck to my face and hands but not any paper surface. The finished product would have made Picasso proud, but was not appreciated by my classmates, Picasso’s talent not being a big topic of discussion at Connors-Emerson in Bar Harbor in the early ‘60’s. Was the mailbox positively bursting with cards? A generous estimate would be half full of the generic store bought variety, with no handmade creation from my one true love. Just another generic store bought card signed by his mother.

As for sharing party fare? Never, unless you count the year an unknown perpetrator (I knew in my little fourth grade heart it was Dougie or Billy or the new kid flirting with me) stuck a fluffy-frosted cinnamon heart bedecked cupcake on my chair as I sat down. It goes without saying (which won’t stop me from saying it) that the handholding to the bus was a non-event.

Although Valentine’s Day, for me, is not as portrayed on the Hallmark Channel, I thought I might be able to help make it better for others. To that end, I offer these shopping suggestions to help the menfolk reading this make their sweetheart’s Valentine’s Day special. You know who you are. You are the ones reading this at gunpoint.

Kitchen and/or household appliances. No. Never.

Flowers. Now we’re talking. I should caution you that, although it may be a real timesaver to purchase a single rose or a bouquet at the same place you buy your beer, lottery tickets and breakfast pizza, there are businesses right in the area that specialize in flowers and floral arrangements. They have phone numbers and they deliver. We like delivered flowers. Oh sure, we seem to appreciate you handing us flowers at home, but we all secretly prefer to have a large flashy arrangement delivered to our place of work by a team of winged cherubs. Makes it easier to flaunt in the face of flowerless co-workers.

Candy. Candy is good, if it is GOOD CANDY. A few basic rules to follow – if the box is decorated for Christmas and has a 75% off sticker, pass it by. If it is covered with cartoon and/or sports figures, move on. Look for a simple, elegant box with maybe some gold lettering. Most importantly, please note that it is bad form to eat the candy yourself while telling your sweety you are doing her a favor because she is looking a little ‘hippy’.

Lingerie is risky, but with proper consideration, can be rewarding for both giver and recipient. As with flowers, there are shops devoted just to lingerie. While Wal-Mart carries items that are structurally similar, make the trip to Victoria’s Secret. When purchasing the gift, please be aware of the recipient’s age, size, shape, agility, ability and mood. And please also be aware that on the recipient, the black lace babydoll may not appear exactly as pictured. But you should also be aware George Clooney probably looks better in Carhartt’s than you do.

Jewelry. Shiny stuff in velvet-y boxes is always welcome. Go to a store that deals exclusively in shiny stuff in velvet-y boxes. Make sure the item description does not end with ‘ish’, ‘like’ or ‘tone’. Most jewelers offer some form of installment plan or indentured servant program to help you afford the bauble she truly deserves. I will caution you, some of us regard jewelry as an admission of guilt. Oh, we will wear the 4 carat diamond tennis bracelet, but there will be questions, many questions.

A couple of final shopping notes, in the event anyone has the urge to buy me a Valentine’s (or any day) gift. The only thing that Victoria’s Secret sells that consistently fits me is the perfume. Also, I will happily accept shiny stuff in velvet-y boxes, no questions, asked.

OK, gentlemen, you only have a few shopping days left. So arm yourselves with several major credit cards and the title to your pickup truck and seek out those specialty stores. If you’re still in a quandary about how to demonstrate your love, be sincere. And maybe stick a fluffy frosted cinnamon heart bedecked cupcake in her chair.

You can find Debbie's blog is at: LEAP YEAR BABY
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I've been working on the railroad...

2012-02-09T16:18:00.000-06:00

My darling daughter just sent me this photo. To show me, I'm sure, that she was hard at work at school. And that we should be proud of her. And we are.

It looks a little too staged, though. A little too perfect. And honestly, that water bottle is nearly empty... so I'm thinking there were a lot of trips to the little girl's room during that study period.

But I'm pretty sure this is all legit. Especially since there were only 19 entries on Facebook during the time that she told me she was studying. That's pretty good. For her.

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Riverdance

2012-02-08T11:53:00.001-06:00

For Christmas I gave Rick tickets to see his all time favorite performing group... RIVERDANCE. Yes, I scored. He was excited.

I also gave him tickets to see BRING IT ON - THE MUSICAL because I wanted to see it. Yes, I scored. I was excited.

So, last night was the first show... Riverdance. Rick was dressed and ready to go when I got home from work. Even though we had two full hours before we needed to leave. But he was ready. And he nagged me all afternoon to get ready so we could leave. And we arrived there a full hour ahead of schedule. That's a big deal to me. I never arrive ANYWHERE an hour ahead of schedule. I barely ever arrive anywhere on time...

And we saw the show. And I scored. Rick was in heaven. I did good with his Christmas gift this year.

And you know what he said to me when we got in the car after the show?

"Bring It On was great! Thanks for getting the tickets!"

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Smashed Potatoes

2012-02-06T21:58:00.001-06:00

Being that tonight was a big TV night, (Mondays always are. We watch all the sophisticated stuff on Mondays... The Bachelor, Castle...) I had picked up some baby back ribs for our dinner at home. Of course we needed something more than just a few ribs, so I told Rick to prepare potatoes and veggies, too. Following is his response to me after my very simple request.

"Where are they?"
"In the pantry."

"Should I cut them up?"
"Cut what up?"
"The potatoes."
"No. You just get them out of the pantry."

"And then cut them up?"
"Cut the potatoes up? No... they're flaky."
"Flaky potatoes?"
"Rick... what kind of potatoes do we store in our pantry?"
"I don't know. I didn't even know we had potatoes in our pantry."
"We don't have real potatoes there..."
"Then what do you want me to cut up?"
"NOTHING. They don't need cutting up."

* pause *

"So, where are they?"
"IN THE PANTRY. ON A SHELF."
"What shelf?"
"The top shelf. They're in a box."
"Since when do potatoes come in a box?"
"They've always come in a box. They're flakes. And you mix them with water and cook them."
"Oh, instant potatoes. Why didn't you say so?"

* pause *

"So where are the vegetables?"
"IN THE PANTRY."
"Are they in a box?"

We ordered a pizza tonight instead.
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This man...

2012-02-05T23:19:00.001-06:00

... was a very good sport. He let me do this to him:

He was the star of a little play we put on on Friday night. He did not glamorize himself, though. No, I was responsible for that ~~mess~~ prettiness.

The play? A silly version of Extreme Home Makeovers, without the home and without the 'extreme'. Pretty much without the makeover, too, since the original version of Rick was really much better than the aftermath.

Three of the men of our church relented to being in the competition. Three of the wives (their's) all sat behind them under a snuggy, acting as their arms while the men pretended to be looking in a mirror and getting ready for a night out on the town. "I Feel Pretty" was playing in the background.

This man won. But only by a hair, literally. He won because his "arms" (wife) pulled out the perfume and sprayed him with it. That got him the gold medal. Too bad the perfume doused the man sitting next to him instead.

But after Rick's arms (wife) was able to stand up and see the end result... she felt he should've won regardless of the perfume. That false eyelash up there was definitely award-winning.

"I feel pretty and witty and gay!"

Too proud to admit it

2012-02-02T16:10:00.000-06:00

At one of my elementary schools, the "teacher" restroom is right around the corner from my office. It's nestled right in between the girl's bathroom and the boy's bathroom and I know the path well. I visit that little room a few times during my normal workday. And, since I've worked at that elementary school for nearly three years now, I could probably find my way there with my eyes shut. I could probably even close my eyes and count the steps there. It's a rote thing. My brain just knows the way.

Until today.

I decided that it was time to use the restroom. I stood up, walked out into the hallway and headed around the corner to the little staff restroom. I pushed down on the handle to enter and noticed that it was locked. Must be in use.

Dilemna.

Should I stand and wait for the person inside to finish and come out so that I could go in? Or should I just give up and head to one of the other faculty restrooms? They aren't very far away... yet, in a rush, they could very well feel far away.

Seeing as there was a young boy standing at the sink (the sinks are outside of the doors to the children's restrooms so that the shenanigans we pulled as children could not be repeated... like throwing soap up onto the ceiling) I decided not to wait. I don't know why. I guess I was embarrassed that he would KNOW why I was waiting. But first I tried the door handle one more time... just in case I was wrong and the restroom wasn't occupied after all. But the door handle still didn't budge.

Should I wait? Should I walk? I decided to walk.

A split second after I turned and headed away, the little boy at the sink called to me.

"Ma'am? Did you need to use the bathroom?"

Embarrassed, because things like little kids knowing that I need to use a restroom embarrass me, I called back to him, "No, that's okay. I'm going to the office."

He said, "But did you want the bathroom?"

I was insistant. "No, that one's got someone in it. I'll just go to the office."

"Okay," he said.

And I headed up the hallway.

Later on, it became time to find my way to the little room again... and I walked that well-trod path to the staff restroom. And I reached for the silver door handle and pushed down on it. It was locked again. What the... It's never occupied. I'm in a wing that most teachers don't come to. WHY is someone in there? Again?

And then I noticed... that the sign on the door read...

CUSTODIAN

I moved over one door promptly and entered the correct room immediately. Hoping no one had seen.

I'm never coming out, either. I'd rather live in here than face that little boy again. He just might still be lurking outside the door.
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I Give Up

2012-01-31T09:09:00.000-06:00

Rick and I just had a very important ~~argument~~ discussion about politics. We are both so savvy in politics that it's usually hard to decide just who is right and who is wrong.

Rick simply mentioned that Al Gore isn't a very strong Vice President for America. And I laughed and and said, "Oh, Rick. Al Gore isn't our VP. You're a dork. Our VP is Dick Chaney."

And we both stood there, looking at each other ... wondering just who our Vice President actually is. And all that we could come up with is that it isn't Sarah Palin.

It's good neither of us majored in Political Science.
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Picture, Picture on the Wall

2012-01-29T16:40:00.004-06:00

Preparing for a wedding shower at my house required much more than just decorating in pastels. Much more than filling balloons with hot air. And much more than ordering the bavarian creme flavor for the middle of the cake. Much more. It required cleaning my house.

And cleaning my house required much more than sweeping, vaccuuming, dusting and making the beds. Much more. It required a total makeover. TOTAL MAKEOVER. I wanted all new furniture, in fact.

Rick wouldn't give in to all new furniture... but he did allow me to buy a few bridal decorations... like a mirror and some glitter and some ribbon. He didn't know it, but he also allowed me to buy all new pictures for my walls. Yes, that counts as decorations. Bridal decorations, even. No, really.

One picture in particular that had to be replaced was the one over our bed. I just hated what we had hanging over us. It was a flower. A red flower. And not a pretty red flower. So, it had to go. Never mind that the bride never even came in our bedroom nor even anywhere near the hallway that led to the bedroom.

I hunted and hunted and finally found a white flower that I liked. Another flower, you ask? Well, I'm not really addicted to pictures of flowers... in fact, I hunted for people, for gardens, for travel posters, even. But only a white flower spoke to me.

Of course, it didn't come framed. I would have to get creative and figure out how to frame it and how to mount it and still make it appear cheap enough to be classified as a bridal decoration... for Rick's sake.

I decided I could save money by putting the white flower picture in the original red flower's frame. Too bad they weren't the same size. Not even close. So I had to break down and buy a new frame. I just had to. And it really couldn't be just any ol' frame. No, I decided it had to be a pretty frame. A stylish frame. A lavish frame. Yes, I found a lavish frame. But I knew I could still convince Rick that it was all for the good of the bridal shower.

He seemed okay with that.... until I hung it up. On the wall. Over our heads. On the existing nails. Because I'm lazy. At 11:00 one night. A couple of days before the shower.

Rick watched me do it. He then smugly said... "that isn't going to fall on my head, is it?"

"NO!" I insisted. I could hang a picture better than that. And we went to bed. And fell asleep.

Two hours later...

Ok, why does Rick always have to be right?

Two hours later...

C R A S H .

Capital C, capital R, capitol A ... you get the picture.

Down it came. And even though I'd centered the picture beautifully, Rick took the hit. Right on his head.

In my sleep, I heard the crash and assumed that Rick had gotten up and then fallen. Hey, it's happened before. I just could not accept that my picture had fallen off the wall. Not my beautiful white flower! It wouldn't do that... But it did. Apparently... white flower's lavish frame was a tad heavy. Just a tad.

Insisting that this was all Rick's doing, I yelled at Rick and told him to stop making so much noise. I sneered at him for being clumsy. Rick had a few choice words for me. Yes, he did.

Lights on and I assessed the situation. Glass was E V E R Y W H E R E. My beautiful white flower was not quite as beautiful anymore. It was about as wilted as it could get. Wilted all over the place. And the lavish frame? Smashed into pieces. Lots of little bitty pieces.

The shower did take place... and no one was the wiser that the white flower hanging on the wall over my bed was a substitute. And it's frame... was still lavish. Glued back together... but lavish. Black Sharpies can color in all kinds of nicks and bumps. And glass? Who needs glass? Pictures look just as nice without glass on their fronts.

And all was well... until last night... when the substitute white flower decided to hop off the wall, too, taking its glued-back-together frame with it. Right on top of Rick.

Yes, I've trained my pictures well. Jump on Rick.

Wanna see the picture?

Here's a close up of the white flower. This is frame number 2. Not the lavish one. The lavish one is no more.

Here's a few of the decorations I put together scattered around my house. Below are the shoes that I wore in my wedding. 22 years ago. 23? Nope, 22. I keep losing count.

The cake (which I didn't get a picture of) was in the shape of a beautiful white wedding gown. My shoes sat next to the cake and adorned it beautifully. The candy dish in the picture was my mom's. I tried to sell it at a garage sale recently but had no takers. Now I'm glad. I'm rather fond of it now, since it worked well on my table.

That's the bride's invitation there, in the basket with the purple flowers. Her wedding color was purple.

Below is another decoration. That's my coffee table. Candy and purple flowers.

Below is my front porch. I even decorated there. Well, don't strain your eyes looking for purple flowers. You won't find any. All I did was place that big ol' pot there and put in a plant. It was in need of something there... And you see those green chair cushions? They were red just a week before. Well, the green ones weren't red... there were red ones in their place. Green looked much better and they matched the plant. Cushions have to match plants, you know.

And I convinced Rick that they were party decorations. I wonder if he bought that?

I put one of my cookbooks out on display. Why not ... It needed to come off of its shelf. I don't think it's ever been used.

The "home" plac below was intended to be part of my cousin Amy's wedding gift. Her wedding was a week later, but I just couldn't part with it. It looked too cute next to the sage green pitcher/vase I bought. Both items got to stay with me. Sorry Amy.

Another table decoration below. This one is glass jars in a wicker container that sat upon another table I had.

So, that was my shower. I threw a Christmas party a few weeks after the shower and if I could've gotten away with it, I'd have left all the decorations in place. Well, actually I did. I just changed out the purple flowers for red ones. I had to. I had to convince Rick that everything I bought could be used more than once.

'cept for the white flower picture. It had a shorter shelf life.

Good Grief...

2012-01-26T14:18:00.000-06:00

I found this in the hallway of the middle school I was working at yesterday. Don't even get me started on the education level of some teachers nowadays...

Things heard from Rick's recliner in front of the TV

2012-01-25T18:32:00.001-06:00

Kick the field goal, you dingbat!

I know. You missed it.

Come here, come here. Has Mommy fed you yet?

Are you waiting for someone?

KICK IT! K I C K I T !!!

Hello?

I have so much to do. When will I find the time?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Author's Comment ... Turn off the TV, fool. You'll be amazed at all of the extra time you'll find!!
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My dog

2012-01-24T18:59:00.000-06:00

... and my cat.

My college education...

2012-01-23T18:08:00.000-06:00

... was apparently worth squat.

Sometimes you have to learn some of life's most important lessons... from Yahoo.

Now why didn't I think of that... ?

Only in America

2012-01-22T21:57:00.000-06:00

I really like Facebook. Yes, I do. And this post from my friend Ruth is just one of many reason's why....

This is what I like about Facebook: My boyfriend from high school in Ohio... the ex-wife of my son's Cub Scout troop leader... the mother of my son's best friend from junior high... you... and some guy I don't even know but who your daughter thought would be on the same wavelength as me, all interacting on a post I made about a pencil.

Yes, I love Facebook.

If only Ruth knew how much this still makes me laugh. Every time I read it.
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And Now Kodak????

2012-01-21T22:41:00.000-06:00

My heart aches for Kodak. For me. For anyone who loves "Kodak moments" and still takes pictures with cameras to remember fond moments.

I remember getting my first Kodak camera in the 4th grade. An Instamatic. It did almost nothing but it was incredibly special to me. It took terrible black and white pictures that cost my entire allowance to process. But to a 4th grader who was busy taking pictures of all of her friends on "Camera Day" at school, those photos were a treasure. I still have those old black & whites to this day.

And about a million (you think I'm kidding...) more. In fact, I have taken pictures of my photos albums. I really have. I have that many. No one can believe how many I have. Let's see, at last count, I believe I owned nearly 50 big ones that each hold 300 photos. And I have about half that number of small ones. And yes, they are all organized and labeled.

But back to my thoughts on Kodak.

I have long felt that the internet was responsible for the recession... for the loss of a lot of businesses... and the loss of a lot of traditions. And there's no going back. The internet has killed catalog shopping, letter writing, the book industry and the real estate industry. I can certainly preview a house all by myself! The travel agency has all but buckled, too. Why would I need a travel agent? I can book my own vacations, now. AND... the internet has caused a lot of folk to be substantially overweight. Myself included.

Now don't get me wrong... I love the internet. It has afforded me a way to keep in touch with so many folks, so many old friends and I have a bigger wardrobe than I could've imagined. Yes, I love internet shopping. And the internet affords me a lot of relaxation since I adore playing silly games in the evening time.

But I saw it coming. I knew that things were getting way too easy on the internet. And something had to give. I tried telling Rick that I knew what caused this recession but he didn't agree. He didn't see it my way... I told him he'd believe me when Kodak went under. 'Cuz it was inevitable.

And I stand by my belief. The post office is struggling. Newspapers are going away. And people don't need to wear watches anymore. Those will all wind up in the Smithsonian. I mean, why bother? I have a clock on my phone. I also have a camera on my phone. And the only person I know who still uses film... is Rick. And he has trouble finding where to even buy film now.

So, Kodak is going down... and Rick still doesn't believe me. But then he's a romanticist. He loves his Nikon and he'll never give it up. But I understand. I wish I still had my Instamatic. Just 'cause.
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Keep your lousy $1.35

2012-01-19T12:23:00.001-06:00

Okay, seriously? I got the senior discount?

Really?

The Taco Bueno guy didn't even ask! He didn't even ask my age! How dare he????

On the other hand... $1.35 will buy me an extra large drink at McDonalds.

Or maybe a 1/2 box of hair color. I obviously need some.

And a walker. Yeah, I'd like a walker. So I could just sit whenever Taco Bueno's restaurant was packed and I couldn't find a seat. If I ever go there again...
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Kahle Schmahle

2012-01-17T18:27:00.000-06:00

Look what my daughter found in Arizona...

... a sale on kahle. I mean kale.

Looks radient. Also expensive. That's a Kahle for you.
Or maybe it's just the Krunchy variety that's quite costly.

Perhaps you'd prefer the chocolate chip? It IS organic. Therefore, good for you. Kahles are very good for you. I know.

However, I'm sure there's nothing like the original ... Us Kahles like to be original, you know. If nothing else ... we're quite cheesy.

There you have it.

KALE KRUNCH.

Not to be confused with Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian nor Kortney. Nor Kris. Kris Kardashian. I mean Kris Kahle. I mean Kris Kale. I mean Kale Krunch. I mean Kris Kristofferson. I mean Kris Kellar Kahle. I mean KKK

No, I don't mean KKK.

Kris' Kale Krunch. Okay, maybe I do mean that.

'cept I've never had Kahle. I mean Kale.

Unthinkable

2012-01-17T18:07:00.000-06:00

I received a terrifying email today. I'm still saddened by it.

I don’t want to alarm you, but Hostess has filed for bankruptcy.

Will the world be sucked into a vortex? How will we exist without twinkies???

Just wanted y’all to be in the know….. J

First the Mayan Calendar and now this.

Mardi Gras

2012-01-16T18:19:00.003-06:00

Meet Mardi. Mardi likes monkeys. Mardi got the monkey on the right for Christmas last month. Try not to notice that the monkey on the left is, uh, footless. Try to remember the monkey on the right as he is... for tomorrow he may be footless as well.

Mardi actually belongs to my friend Karen and she posted this cute picture on Facebook recently. The caption was adorable...

Karen wrote, "These were his victims. Loss of limbs occurred."

I think there should be a thought bubble over Mardi's head saying ..... "One false move and you're next."

I know what he meant...

2012-01-15T14:47:00.001-06:00

... it was just the way he said it that left me speechless.

While cooking dinner, because yes I do still cook dinner even with a compromised back ... Rick graciously decided to set the table for me.

And if I hadn't heard it with my own ears ... well, Rick asked me what kind of plates he should put on the table.

Huh? I hadn't even realized there was more than one kind.

I said, "Huh?"
He said, "What type? The flat ones?"

I also hadn't realized that plates came in anything besides flat.

Live and learn.
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It's January 12th and ...

2012-01-12T18:59:00.000-06:00

... I'm already tired of working. For the year. But I'm not alone. This email just came to us at school. Apparently there's a lot of folks not wanting to dig into work today.

(Actually, I think I'm still bitter about having to work on New Year's Day. Yes, I'm sure of it. Even though it's been a week. A short week. So, I'm up for a diversion.)

Here are some things to do if you just can't get yourself back into teaching yet. If nothing else, you'll look busy!

Go to Google

1. Type “Where is Chuck Norris” and click “I’m feeling lucky”.
(Or if you have autocomplete choose Where is Chuck Norris and Mouse over to I’m feeling lucky on the right.)

2. Type Askew

3. Type What is the loneliest number?

4. Type ‘ooglegay igpay atinla’ and click I’m feeling lucky.

5. Type Google Gravity then select and click I’m feeling lucky

6. Go to Google.com/Preferences, click on Languages on the left side. At the top where Google asks “Which language should Google Products use?” Click the down arrow next to English and you can choose a new display language like – Klingon, Hacker, Elmer Fudd, or Bork! Bork! Bork! (The language of the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show).

7. Type Do a barrel roll

8. Type Epic Google and click the I’m Feeling Lucky button.

9. Type in Elgoog then click I’m Feeling Lucky button.

10. Type in Google Hacker and click I’m Feeling Lucky button.

11. Play PacMan in Google - Go to http://www.google.com/pacman/ (Click the Insert Coin Button to play – arrow keys to navigate)

12. Type in Google Sphere, then click the “I’m feeling lucky” button.

13. Type recursion, when Google asks “Did you mean – recursion” Click the word recursion again and again…

14. To find the numeric value of “Once in a blue moon” enter the phrase and press enter.

15. Try searching for the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

That should help. If all else fails, try going back to teaching. If not, see number 1.

:)

Yowch

2012-01-11T18:17:00.002-06:00

Sorry for the little delay. Somebody threw her back out. Way out. Outside, even.

It happened last week... the first time. It happened again on Sunday. I recovered from the earlier outtage just enough to where I thought I was invincible and indestructable and nothing could stop me. So it made sense that someone as indestructable as me would sit in a pew at church and reach for her bible, which was on the floor in front of her... and figuring that while she was down there she would also check to make sure her cell phone was turned off (never mind that it wasn't even there... it had been left at home... and certainly wouldn't be heard during the service if it went off.) And while rummaging through my purse, I decided that I would also grab a peppermint that I found on the bottom of my purse (don't say 'ew' 'cuz I change purses nearly every other day so this was not an old peppermint) and thus discovered that my index fingernail on my right hand was a little bit rough and since I was in my purse anyway, I might as well grab the emery board, too, and file my nail.

Having spent the better part of five minutes bent over from the waist, with my head between my knees while I rummaged and rummaged (and probably irritated everyone around me) it was then that I discovered that I am not as indestructable as I thought I was. Not quite.

Yes, I then got to spent another five or ten minutes bent over with my head down near my purse on the floor ... because ... I couldn't even straighten back up. And I couldn't even imagine how this could happen ... because, you know, I'm indestructable.

But my back isn't.

I'm a dope.

So once upright, a deacon helped me up and out of the Sanctuary. He got my keys out of my purse and helped me to my car. Rick was right behind me until I noticed he wasn't anymore. I yelled to him, "Where are you going???" Rick's response? "To our Sunday School class. You'll be fine in the car."

The deacon and I both shot Rick a look that told him in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that he'd better change his plans NOW and drive his little wifey home. Which he did.

Know what happened next?

I got to make Rick lunch.

Yes, that really happened. I also got to make him dinner later on in the day, too... because I've spent so much time insisting I'm indestructable and what do you know... he listened.

Darn it.
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2011

2012-01-08T13:22:00.001-06:00

So just what did I learn in 2011? I've had a whole week to reflect on that thought. Not that I spent the entire week wondering... 'cuz I did have to play with my new Christmas CD player, you know. And I had to try on my new slippers. And wear them around... to break them in.

Okay, okay. The thought did cross my mind many times during the week. But I just didn't have all the answers. Now I do.

In 2011, I learned about Celiac Sprue aka Celiac Disease. Elizabeth was diagnosed with this illness in May and we all have a good handle on it now. Never mind that little episode in October that sent me flying to Tucson in an awful big hurry. I learned that Celiac Sprue has been the cause of a lot of discomfort for my poor child. I learned that even a speck of gluten consumed by her can send her to bed for days, aching. I also learned that if my child eats at Taco Bell ever again, we can expect to see an awful lot of vomit come out of said child. And I learned that only Stanley Steemer is brave enough to tackle cleaning it up off the floor and walls.

In 2011, I learned to cook a completely gluten free Thanksgiving meal that my child raved about. I was pretty darn proud of it myself. I learned that I am capable of helping my little baby girl have a decent meal on one of my favorite holidays. I also learned that goat's butter and almond milk taste pretty decent, too. Gluten free bread, however, does not.

2011 brought me a trip to California for my dear cousin Amy's wedding. On 11-11-11. I have learned that if one plans a wedding on a beach, in California, on 11-11-11, one had better have a back up plan in case it rains. Even though it never rains in Southern California. 'Cept on your wedding day.

2011 taught me that my cousin Courtney is very talented. She is touring the world with a Broadway bound show entitled "Bring It On - The Musical." I was fortunate enough to see that show in LA on 11-12-11. It was still raining. I'll also be seeing the show on 2-14-12 in Dallas. It better not be raining then. But it probably will be. Just 'cuz.

2011 saw me not only write, but publish, my long dreamed of book of Rick's journey out of Lupus. It suddenly was no longer just talk, it became a tangible book. One that Rick has been very good at marketing for me.

2011 saw Rick finish a project, too. One that he's worked on since 1997, nearly 15 years ago. Rick was shorted his military pension back then, never knowing that there was ever anything out there for him... and once he discovered this, he began battling all of the red tape to get his due benefit. 2011 was the year that Rick learned just who to contact, where that person was and just how to do it. We visited the VA in Dallas, Texas and finally got the ball rolling. It almost doesn't even matter that we've been after this golden ring for 14 1/2 years. Almost doesn't matter, anyway.

I've learned, in 2011, that life is fragile. And no matter how hard you pray, God really does know better about when He is going to call someone home. And we have to accept it. And realize that perhaps God just has a better plan for our lives and for the lives of our dear friends. And as fragile as a life can be... I learned that one man's love for his child can keep him enduring an awful lot of chemotherapy.

I learned that having five free days off of work due to a terrible ice storm is fun. Driving on the ice to get to the only grocery store in town that's open because you didn't stock your pantry is not.

I learned that I can give up caffeine and not have a headache. I had always thought that it was a given that I would suffer tragically. Not ture. I gave it up and I was fine the very next day.

I also learned that there aren't very many good substitutes for diet coke. I then learned to carry a lot of coins in my car for regular stops at Sonic because they DO have a substitute for diet coke. Diet Cherry Limeade. However, I learned that there are no Sonics in California and if you go there for a wedding... you'd better have found something else to drink. And I did. I found diet coke. I will have to learn in 2012 how to give up diet coke again.

And finally, I learned what it feels like to live in Rick's body. He walks around in constant pain, suffering from Scoliosis and awaiting some back surgery. I forget that he's in constant pain and I scold him when the dishes aren't done, etc. I have now learned that I am a big baby when I simply cough and throw my back out... and have to have help with the simple tasks of life. I learned that Rick does not treat me the way that I treat him. I've got a lot to learn in 2012.

2011 was a very good year for the Kahles if you exclude the few health issues we encountered. It was a year of firsts and a year of bests. I directed my very first play... a local dinner theatre production of a Christmas play that I helped to write. It was also the first time that Rick and I were empty-nesters. And it was the best year yet for accomplishments. There was a book written, there will soon be some military compensation for Rick and there was a trip to Capitol Hill in Washington DC to speak to Congress and a few Senators. And to meet up with an old roommate of mine that works in the Pentagon. Yes, it has been our best year yet. It just has.

And now, ladies and gentlemen... may I present to you 2012. May she top 2011 in a big way. And if not, may she at least match it!

Love,
Kris
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Family Portrait

2012-01-05T18:48:00.002-06:00

This was taken on Christmas Eve at my Aunt Johnnie's house. It just may be my favorite-est family picture in a long, long time.