Our morning routine sets the scene for how we approach our entire day. That’s why it’s so important that the activities we do first thing in the morning puts us in a good mood, and helps our bodies naturally wake up feeling more invigorated and energized. Here are a few suggestions to mix into your morning routine that will leave you feeling not only awake, but ready to take on the world. 

1. Take a Cold Shower

It may take a while to get used to this one, but cold showers have a unique way of waking you up with a surge of fresh energy. Aside from waking you up, cold-water showers have various benefits such as promoting greater circulation, immune support, clear skin, and so much more. Who knows… a cold shower may even replace your morning cup of coffee! 

2. A Kiss of Citrus: 

Essential oils with a citrus base are the perfect way to start the day feeling refreshed and ready for what comes your way. A couple of droplets on your wrists or even on the soles of your feet will leave a lingering scent that has energizing and at the same time grounding effects. This purifying oil is a powerful mood lifter, a great stress-reliever, and a cheerful scent to start the day.  

3. A positivity list: 

What better way to begin the day than recognizing what is going well in your life? We tend to focus on the negativity around us, but spending a few minutes in the morning to reflect on what is going right is sure to keep your spirits high throughout the day. No matter how big or how small, there is always something to be grateful for. And a little secret… The more you focus on what is going well in your life, the more positive experiences you will begin to attract. The same rule applies in that the more you focus on what is going wrong in your life, the more negative experiences you will attract… so focus your attention wisely! 

Waking up in the morning doesn’t have to be a task. In fact, you get to wake up every morning with fresh possibilities and new opportunities, so make the most of your morning routine. I think you’ll be surprised by how much these little suggestions will impact your mornings, and that maybe, just maybe, you’ll begin to dread that miserable morning alarm a bit less. You got this! 

Love,

The post 3 Steps to a Better Morning Routine appeared first on The PBT Institute.

The post 3 Simple Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem appeared first on The PBT Institute.

Hi Everyone!

My name is Camryn, CIO (Chief Inspiration Officer), and I am so excited to begin a new project called Cup of CAMomile Tea with the incredible Dr. Debi Silber (although I best know her as Mom)! As part of this project, I will be writing and sharing blog posts filled with various little knowledge nuggets, tips and tricks, and some very empowering stories and lessons dedicated entirely to your self-care and well-being.

Cup of CAMomile Tea was created with the intention that you can spend a few peaceful moments to snuggle up in a cozy blanket, sip on your favorite tea, and read all kinds of simple ways to incorporate even more self-care practices into your busy life. I hope that my content is not only inspiring, but that it gives you the space to relax, to learn something of value, and to at the very least realize that you aren’t alone, even when your life may feel like complete chaos. So put on your fuzzy socks, light a sweet-scented candle, and let’s get started! I can’t wait to see you there. 

Love,

The post Introducing The Cup of CAMomile Tea Weekend Blog Series! appeared first on The PBT Institute.

The stats are shocking…

According to over 30,000 people who have taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz:

• 82% find it hard to move forward
• 90% want to move forward but don’t know how

This is exactly why I wrote my 6th book, From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unstuck, and Create a Life You Love.

Staying stuck is a choice – and a painful one. Staying stuck affects your physical, health, your mental and emotional health, relationships, career, finances, social life and really… everything.

Here are just a few ways an unhealed betrayal impacts your business.

• You want to ask for that raise or promotion, you deserve it but your confidence was shattered so you don’t have the confidence to ask. You don’t ask for it and you’re bitter and resentful instead.
• You want to be a team player, collaborative partner, or joint venture partner but the person you trusted the  most proved untrustworthy so how can you trust that boss, coworker or partner?
• The physical symptoms left in the wake of an unhealed betrayal have created weight changes, sleep and digestive issues, anxiety, exhaustion and more. How comfortable are you putting yourself out there when you’re not looking or feeling well?

The good news is, you don’t have to stay stuck.

Join me and my team of PBT Coaches and Practitioners for my Book Launch Party of From Hardened to Healed to discover:

• The 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough (even if you haven’t experienced a betrayal, the 5 Stages apply to other crises too)
• Where, how and why we get stuck and how to get unstuck
• Mindset shifts you need to release resistance to go from hardened to healed

All so you can move forward and create a life you love.

RSVP now.

Plus there will be PRIZES! 

I’ll be raffling off:

• A Dr. Debi Book Bundle (including the Amazon #1 bestselling book The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis, Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness, and From Hardened to Healed: The Effortless Path to Release Resistance, Get Unsuck, and Create a Life You Love )
• A month of Standard Membership (LIVE, daily classes with our Certified PBT Coaches/Practitioners, self paced programs, masterclasses with curated experts, recordings of Dr. Debi’s weekly Q&A, 24/7 access to a like-minded and supportive community, and our much loved monthly charity/scholarship program)
• A month of Upgraded Membership ( (LIVE, daily classes with our Certified PBT Coaches/Practitioners, self paced programs,LIVE masterclasses with curated experts, LIVE small group coaching with Dr. Debi, 24/7 access to a like-minded and supportive community, and our much loved monthly charity/scholarship program)
• A Laser Coaching session with me!

Yet to be eligible to win…there’s a step for you to take BEFORE October 5th.

So grab your spot NOW and I’ll make sure you know how to play for a chance to win $2000 worth of prizes.

RSVP for the Book Launch Party.

I can’t wait to help you get unstuck and create a life you love.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post How to Go From Hardened to Healed appeared first on The PBT Institute.

Are you healed or are you hardened? Let’s start with a few definitions.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “hardened” is to confirm in disposition, feelings, or actions. To be hardened is to make callous and to toughen

For our purposes, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re angry or bitter. It can mean that old baggage is bogging you down. It can mean that limiting beliefs and behaviors have created beliefs that are keeping you stuck and preventing you from seeing things another way.

How do these beliefs show up? They show up in almost every area of life. For example, you may see it in relationships, and it could look like this:

A previous belief that you’re less than, unworthy, broken, or not enough in some way has you settling for behavior you’d never tolerate if you felt better.

A previously painful experience (like abuse, abandonment, or betrayal) has you believing that it’s simply how relationships work, so you need to find a way to accept it.

A previous experience with a toxic friend, boss, or coworker has you believing there’s nothing that can be done about it, so do your best to accept the toxic behavior.

Those beliefs keep you in a painful place, and the longer you stay in that spot, the worse it gets. Please know that I’m not saying to flee the minute relationships get uncomfortable; that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s often the discomfort that helps us grow, and it can actually take relationships to the next level of trust and intimacy. What I am saying is that the belief that there’s nothing you can do about it, or nothing better you can hope for, coupled with the resignation that prevents you from believing/saying/doing anything different, slowly hardens you.

“Healed,” on the other hand, is to make sound or whole. To make well again, to restore, and to correct.

Using the examples above, here’s how they’d look if you were healed versus hardened:

A previous belief that you’re less than, unworthy, broken, or not enough in some way had you settling for behavior you’d never tolerate if you felt better. It dawns on you that you are worthy, deserving, and lovable. You start by giving yourself all the love you may never have received in the past, so you realize how wonderful you are. From that space, you can’t help but radiate love, because that’s who you are. Since like energy attracts like energy, you can’t help but attract that same love you’ve been giving others right back to you.

A previously painful experience (like abuse, abandonment, or betrayal) had you believing that it’s simply how relationships work, so you need to find a way to accept it. You’ve done your research; you’ve done the work to heal, and you realize that “even though it was done to you, it’s not about you.” While that time in your life was intensely painful, all you’ve done to move through it has created a version of you that’s whole, healed, healthy, and transformed.

A previous experience with a toxic friend, boss, or coworker had you believing there’s nothing that can be done about it, so you do your best to accept their toxic behavior. It occurs to you that this was exactly the push you needed to either speak up or start that business you’ve been longing to start. You find your voice, and in doing so, you subtly change the rules around how people treat you. You simply don’t tolerate toxic behavior, and the more you work to grow through it, the more you realize that you’ve been personalizing their behavior when it actually has nothing to do with you. You see it so clearly, and instead of seeing through the eyes of anger, you’re compassionate, because you realize: “Hurt people, hurt people.” It doesn’t excuse the behavior; you’re still not tolerating it, but you see where it’s coming from, and it doesn’t hurt you anymore.

Where have your experiences left you? Not sure? No worries, that’s what my newest book: From Hardened to Healed is all about. See, nothing is wrong or a problem unless it’s preventing you from being, doing, or having what you want.

So often, we consider ourselves healed from various types of crises such as heartbreak or devastation of some kind (i.e., abuse, neglect, financial crisis, divorce, death of a loved one, disease, a tragic accident, or betrayal). We believe we’ve healed because time has passed, or because those people are no longer in our lives. While removing those people from our lives can help (such as in the case of a toxic relationship), that doesn’t mean that they still don’t have a toxic hold on your mind and heart.

Join us for the book launch party of From Hardened to Healed on October 5th from 12-2pmEST so you can see for yourself if you’re healed…or if your experiences have left you hardened. The good news? You can heal from all of it.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post Are You Healed or Hardened? appeared first on The PBT Institute.

Life isn’t always easy. Yet, we make life more challenging with negative thinking. Now, before I get into how it impacts us, let’s be clear. Of course if you’re going through a challenging time, you’re going to be going over your experience to make sense and eventual meaning out of it. That’s not what we’re talking about here. I’m talking about the conditioned behavior and automatic response of choosing a negative perspective over one more positive.

A Pollyanna approach isn’t the solution either. Actually, that does nothing to solve an issue and at best, keeps it at bay. For our purposes, we’re talking about always seeing the cup as half empty, and only finding fault and flaws, versus finding the good in something or someone. So with that in mind, here we go.

The influence of negative thoughts is far-reaching. There’s no part of your life that it escapes. It affects you mentally, emotionally, and physically. It limits your ability to achieve and to enjoy life.

There are 2 primary effects that negative thinking has on your life:

1. It has a negative impact on your mood and outlook on life. Thinking negative thoughts can make you feel sad, afraid, angry, hopeless, and negative in general. These emotions taint the way you view the world. When everything and everyone has ill intent, at best you’ll be guarded and untrusting. You may be hesitant to try or say something because you’re imagining a negative outcome and you may avoid potential opportunities because you’re negative self-talk is advising you against it.
2. Negative thinking inhibits your ability to achieve goals. For any objective, you have things pulling you toward your goal and other things pushing you away. When you think negative thoughts about achieving a goal, you’re much less able to accomplish it. It’s like walking through mud versus gently going with the flow of the water.

• Imagine you’d like to take a trip to somewhere exotic (if you feel safe to travel) yet very far from where you currently are. This has always been a goal of yours to explore faraway places. But then you start thinking about it:
• “It’s so far away, the jetlag will be awful. I’ll probably spend half of the trip just recovering.”
• “The language is so different. How will I manage?”
  
• “I should spend the money on something else.”
  
• “I’ll lose a lot of money exchanging currency.”
  

All of a sudden, that dream trip to that exotic destination doesn’t sound so dreamy anymore. Negative thinking makes goals seem harder than they are in reality.

These two negative effects influence everything. But, there are additional consequences as well.

More Negative Effects

Negative thinking has other consequences that limit your capabilities:

1. It’s damaging to your health. The unrelenting stress caused by negative thinking causes stress related symptoms, illness, conditions, even disease. 
2. It lowers your self-esteem. When you think you’re overweight, unfit, unattractive, incapable or any other negative label you’ve given yourself, it’s damaging to your self-esteem.
3. It reduces your confidence. Negative thoughts about yourself lower your self-confidence. Negative thoughts about others make you less confident in their abilities. Your negative thinking impacts you and everyone around you. 
4. It saps your energy. Negative thinking is exhausting and saps your resources.

How to Limit Your Negative Thinking Patterns

Luckily, there are ways to limit your negative thoughts and bring in positivity each day:

1. Do a mood check throughout the day. Use a timer and perform a check every few hours or check yourself during your regular daily activities:

• Lying in bed
• Getting ready for the day
• Driving to work
• Working
• Eating lunch
• And so on

2. When you notice a negative thought, first question it. Why is it there and what is it trying to say? If it’s just negative “mind chatter”, change it to something that’s more positive. For example, you can change the thought, “I hate driving to work” to “Driving is better than taking the train. I can use the time to be alone and unwind before getting home.”
3. Get into the habit of reconditioning yourself to think more positive thoughts. Before doing any task, take 15 seconds and think a few positive thoughts about it. The task will be easier and more enjoyable.
4. Spend more time with positive people. Misery loves company so if that’s who you’re spending time with, note how you feel when you’re with them. Ensure that the people around you are positive and it’ll help you think, act and speak differently.

Reducing the incidences of negative thinking is a proactive way to enhance your life. Negative thoughts can harm your happiness, success, and health. Spend time to ensure that your thoughts are supportive and positive and start to see your cup as half full instead.

Dr. Debi

CEO and Founder, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post The Real Effects of Negative Thinking appeared first on The PBT Institute.

Trust is like a brick wall.

Here’s a visual that explains how trust works. Imagine a huge brick wall. That wall was built by adding one brick at a time, brick by brick and slowly over a certain period; those bricks accumulate to become a solid and strong structure. It can take years to build, and the only way to build it is by adding one brick at a time. There’s no shortcut to building that wall any faster, and the only way to build it is by carefully adding one brick at a time.

Every opportunity that person has to show they’re trustworthy represents one brink in the wall. Then due to a betrayal and shattering of trust, it takes only moments for it to be torn down.

Now, imagine that huge brick wall tumbling down because of something tragic and unexpected. You’re looking at the rubble that used to be this enormous brick wall, and you can’t imagine how that wall can ever be repaired. Here’s what I believe.

I believe it can’t be repaired, but it can be rebuilt.

You’re looking at a pile of bricks that took years of consistency, repetition, and attention to build. If the entire wall came tumbling down, patching it up simply won’t work. With the brick wall down, you also have an opportunity to see if it can be rebuilt any better, bigger, stronger, or more beautiful.

You have another option too.

That option is to decide if it’s even worth the effort and energy it would take to rebuild or if you’d be better off walking away. If you choose to rebuild a new wall, however, what’s the only way to put it back together again? Brick by brick by brick.

Sure, you can stare at the rubble of bricks and decide that it’s too big and too exhausting of a task to build again. You can question if it’s worth the effort and energy that it will take to rebuild and how you’ll approach this new project. But that’s totally up to you.

That’s how trust works.

It can take years to build trust with someone and in one earth shattering moment, the entire wall can come tumbling down.

While it can most definitely be built again, however, there are unfortunately no shortcuts here. Building that trust couldn’t be rushed when it was originally being built, and it certainly can’t be rushed when it comes to building it again, especially if the intention is to rebuild that trust with the person who hurt you. Let’s dive into this a bit more.

Rebuilding trust in yourself and your decisions and trusting in something bigger, in life, and in your healing is completely up to you. Rebuilding trust in the person who hurt you involves a few other steps, so let’s start there. First, it may or may not be an option. If the person who hurt you is unwilling to take responsibility for their actions, if they’re denying what they did or said, or if they somehow blame you for the betrayal, you really don’t have much to work with here when it comes to rebuilding trust with that person.

Trying to rebuild trust when you’re met with this response isn’t the best use of your time and energy. Your experience may also leave you with the fact that the person who hurt you may no longer be alive or in any capacity to begin this new trust-rebuilding project. So, here it’s best to focus on yourself and your healing so that you can move on.

However, while some people are unwilling to rebuild trust with the person they hurt, some betrayers can be open, available, and eager to rebuild a new and better brick wall of trust if given the opportunity. These people have a very different response. These are the “bricklayers,” the ones ready and willing to do whatever it takes to build a new wall. They’re grateful for the opportunity, and it’s as if the fog has been cleared for them to see you and what truly matters so clearly. These are the people who (if you are willing to try too) are going to do all they can to build something new and beautiful. Once realizing how deeply they hurt you (while being remorseful, taking full responsibility, and, if they’re willing, doing what it takes to regain your trust), you can slowly see the potential here.

If this is your betrayer’s honest response to the pain they caused and you’re willing to consider slowly and carefully rebuilding a new relationship with that person, you’re both in a position to see that brick wall slowly become rebuilt.

How do you know if that person is willing to do the work and if it’s in your best interest to watch that wall get rebuilt? How do you know when it’s best to walk away? How do you rebuild trust in yourself and others so you regain that sense of safety and security that was torn down?

We’re taking it all on in the 5-day Trust Again Challenge. Back by popular demand, it’s the 4th time I’m hosting this Challenge. Trust is so foundation and when it’s shattered, it impacts our trust in others, in ourselves…in everything. When we’re coming from that space, we’ve closed ourselves off to the joy, love and fulfillment that’s available to us when we learn how to safely, carefully and cautiously trust again. You deserve to heal from all of it.

Not only is it possible, it’s predictable.

Join us,
Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute 

The post How Trust is Like a Brick Wall appeared first on The PBT Institute.

So many of us are feeling unsafe, untrusting and unsure about our health, our work and our lives. To help regain a sense of trust, please enjoy this excerpt from Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness. 

Trust is the very foundation on which our relationships are built, and that’s why that shattering of trust leaves us on shaky and unstable ground. Also, that shattering of trust doesn’t just happen when others have betrayed us. It can happen when we betray ourselves. We can believe our bodies have betrayed us, as in the case of a diagnosis or disease. We can experience self-betrayal when we repeatedly stay quiet when we know we should speak up, when we break promises we’ve made to ourselves, when we negate or abandon our needs, or when we make decisions that cause self-harm.

We’re going to examine the full life cycle of trust—how trust is built, maintained, and shattered. This understanding is the first step to healing—once and for all.

Trust is sacred and fragile, and earning someone’s trust is an honor and a sacred gift. To me, building trust is similar to building a nest. Each twig and branch being used to build that nest is an integral part of its foundation and structure, just as each exchange with someone is an opportunity to build trust. Each time we question something and expectations are met, trust continues to be built just as each twig being used to build the nest is another opportunity to build a safe and secure home for its inhabitants. Over time, with many twigs carefully placed, that nest is built, which represents a sense of safety and security. It’s the same thing with trust. Over time, and with many opportunities for trust to be built, we can slowly feel safe, rest easy, and trust because we’re supported within that nest of security. Over time, we slowly and confidently believe we’re safe because of how the person we grew to trust showed up in countless situations, giving us many opportunities to feel secure. They demonstrated that they’re trustworthy, and we have nothing to fear. If the rest of the world is confusing and chaotic, we can trust that all is well within our “nest” of safety.

That’s why it’s always a shock when we’re met by something we didn’t expect.

We felt safe and secure. We were vulnerable; we let our guard down and truly believed that there was a mutual understanding around what was agreed on (spoken or unspoken) within the relationship. When we’re betrayed, that trust, safety, and feeling of security that we grew to count on is shattered in one life-altering moment. That “nest” is completely and totally shattered.

So, now picture what would happen if a nest were shattered. Any living being within that nest would lose any sense of safety and security they may have had. What are the only options? Scramble to find a way to somehow survive the experience or else perish.

When we discover a betrayal, it takes only that brief moment to feel as if the rug has been completely pulled from under us, sending us into a scary and unfamiliar space and giving us those same options. Survive the experience or else allow it to destroy us.

The good news? You can heal from all of it. You can regain your sense of safety, security and everything else that was shattered when trust was broken. We’re taking it all on during the 5-day Trust Again Challenge. You deserve to heal. Hope to see you there.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post Why Trust is So Foundational appeared first on The PBT Institute.

Today I am talking about trust, which is something that is so foundational. When trust is shattered, it is really hard to feel safe and secure because trust sets the foundation for our sense of safety and security. So, when that person or those people who created that sense of safety and security, when they’re the very ones to shatter it, it’s traumatizing.

So many of us don’t regain that sense of trust and we walk around feeling unsafe and insecure and anxious. Can you repair trust? I say no. Can you rebuild it? Yes, and I can teach you exactly how to do that.

I look at trust, like a brick wall. And the only way I know of a brick wall being built is brick by brick by brick. It can take a really long time. Every opportunity someone has to show they’re trustworthy represents one brick in the brick wall. So now imagine the person who built that brick wall goes along and shatters the whole thing. Now, the person whose trust was shattered, they have every right to look at the brick wall and say; “I don’t have the least bit of interest in watching that thing get rebuilt.” That’s completely fine and with that, they heal themselves and move along. However, if they’re willing to watch that brick wall be rebuilt, the person who shattered that brick wall has to be a really good bricklayer. And, the only way it can be repaired is the same way it went up the first time, brick, by brick by brick. Every opportunity that person has to show that they’re trustworthy, that represents one brick in that brick wall. So, you can see why it would take a lot of time and effort.

Now, what I see many people doing is this. Trust has been shattered. The person who shattered the trust is kind of nonchalant about the whole thing, and the person whose trust was shattered is like; “Oh, forget it. Now I’ll build the brick wall” just because they’re in pain and it’s  uncomfortable. They don’t like the feeling and they just want the painful emotions to go away.

When the person whose trust was shattered is the one who builds the brick wall, you can’t feel safe, you don’t feel secure, your level of anxiety is always high because you don’t know if you can trust that other person.

So, if all of this resonates, I’m having a Trust Again Challenge . Now I’ve done this, I think three or four times before. This is such a much loved activity that I’m bringing it back, and people who have done the Trust Again Challenge 2, 3 times! They get so much out of it, so I’m bringing it back because especially in these times, we do not feel safe, we do not trust, and we need to get back that sense of trust.

There are these stages that we need to go through to rebuild trust Now I did a PhD study on betrayal. We made three discoveries. One of them was that while we stay stuck for years, decades, even a lifetime and so many of us do, if we’re going to fully heal, we’re going to move through five now proven and predictable stages. And what’s even more exciting about that is we know what happens physically, mentally and emotionally at every one of those stages, and we know what it takes to move from one stage to the next. Why is that good?

Because healing is predictable.

Now, with the shattering of trust, we find ourselves stuck so stuck in Stage three, the most common place to get stuck. Transformation doesn’t even happen until Stages four stage five. If you’re having trust issues, you are holding yourself back from the transformation that you deserve. The hardest part has happened already, you’ve been through it, you owe it to yourself to move through the Stages. So, if you have any kind of trust issues, know that there’s a really good chance you’re deeply rooted in that Stage three.

Now, the good news about that is, we know what it takes to move to Stage four and Stage five, which is exactly what I want to talk to you about, so that you can do that. So, to do that, join me for the Trust Again Challenge which is so loved, so I’m bringing it back.

It’s five days it’s only about an hour and a half. Give yourself an hour and a half. It’s all recorded if it can’t catch it live. But here’s what’s going to happen.

Day one: The who what when where and why trust got shattered in the first place. This is very surprising for a lot of people because they usually look at their most recent experience with trust being shattered, but you may find through the activity that we’ll be doing, that it stems back so much further. Because of that, it was never healed and we keep recreating the same thing. The faces have changed, but it’s a similar scenario. We’ll dive into all of that and you will find out exactly where it started.

Day two: How do you know when it’s safe and in your best interest to heal and rebuild with someone? Or how do you know if you’re better off just healing yourself and move on? I’m going to teach you something that is a shocker for a lot of people. If you’re one of those people (and I get it, I’ve been there), where you’re trying so hard and you’re explaining and it’s so obvious to you and it’s not obvious to the other person. You feel like you just want to walk around with a pad and pen capturing aspects of the conversation and saying things like; “You did this, don’t you remember?” “Yes, you said that.” “You promised this.” On and on and you feel like a crazy person. You will have such clarity at the end of day two and you will know why you’ve been banging your head against the wall and getting nowhere. Or, you’ll see if there’s really good potential to create something entirely new with the person who shattered the trust. You’re going to find that out just by day two.

Day three: Safety checks, boundaries and your BS meter. Your BS meter will be so sharp and so strong. Boundaries are really hard for a lot of people, and I’m going to teach you how to create them safely, carefully and correctly for you.

Day four: You will learn the four step trust rebuilding process. You will see why other efforts to regain trust and repair trust have not worked because of these foundational aspects that were not in place.

Day five: This is a much loved activity. It’s a visioning activity where you will see the version of you who trusts, who feels safe, who feels secure, who knows when it’s safe in your best interest and in your best interest to trust again. You will see you at your physical, mental, emotional best, your personal and professional best. You will see the version of you who trusts yourself and knows who to trust.

So, these are just a few things people have said about the last Trust Again Challenge.

“I did the Trust Again Challenge before and I was blown away by this, it’s really powerful.” -Heather

“I’ve been on this journey for a while but this has opened up something very compelling for me. I got to the point where I didn’t trust anyone. I spent 60 years, saying, ‘I’m here. Can you help me?’ I realized I couldn’t trust myself. Being here is, is huge for me this is so helpful.”- Juliana

“I never realized my trust issues went back as far as they did. It’s been an awakening for me, it’s amazing. Thank you so much.” – Anne

Join me for the Trust Again Challenge. It’s going to be September 13 through 17^th. If you can’t make it live, you can access the recordings so you have it when you need it. (If you can, you’re going to want to be there live, and when you’re there live, you’ll know why.)

Register for the Trust Again Challenge and you can find that at ThePBTInstitute.com/trust-challenge .

If you’re struggling with trust, there is no reason to stay stuck. You’re holding yourself back from the love, from the intimacy, from the connection you so rightfully deserve. I will teach you how to Trust Again, you just need to show up. ThePBTInstitute.com/trust-challenge  Learn how to trust again-physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. We’re taking it all on within five days, if you do one thing. You want to make sure you register because you will learn how to feel safe, how to trust, who to trust and so much more. I’ll see you there!

Dr. Debi
CEO and Founder, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post How to Trust Again appeared first on The PBT Institute.

Having the courage to be original really means being brave enough to be yourself. Certainly this can seem daunting and frightening, because to really live as you are means opening yourself up to the judgement of others. It’s common to shield ourselves from others to some extent because let’s face it, who wants to be judged?

Each of us is uniquely valuable. So why hide the truth of who you are?

Imagine what it might be like if everyone truly knew you, inside and out, what wonderful things you’re capable of, and how fully human you are, just like them.

There can be a great, false comfort in conforming and keeping your head down. But when you do that, you sacrifice ever knowing your true potential. And you risk boredom too; when the path is fully laid out for you, there’s no adventure.

Living with originality takes some courage for sure, but the rewards far outweigh the penalties of hiding your inner self.

Being original has a lot of perks:

1. Greater fulfilment and personal satisfaction. Life has more meaning when it’s 100% authentic.
2. Increased charisma. People will find you more interesting and pay attention to you more. Authentic people are attractive to pretty much everyone.
3. Greater ability to take risks and be creative. Your life will have more depth and you’ll experience more success in every part of your life.
4. By being original, you stand a chance to change the world. And regardless of what you do, you’ll surely be remembered. Only unique people do great things. Average people do average things.

Try these ideas to cultivate your originality:

1. Be aware of who you are inside. This may take some thought, especially if you spend all day working and all night watching TV or scrolling social media. Regularly spend quiet time with yourself. Contemplate who you are and what you stand for.
2. Express yourself freely. Give your opinions without judging yourself, especially when you’re asked for them. Let people know what you think in a kind and respectful way. Allow yourself to have your own style, whether it’s your taste in music, your profession, or just what to wear today.
3. Avoid worrying about others’ opinions. The big secret is that they’re probably worried about what you think of them. Chances are good that nobody is spending much time thinking about any of us. And there’s nothing more attractive to others than someone that moves through the world confidently and without apology. I love the quote by Terry Cole Whittaker: “What you think of me is none of my business.” It’s so true so the only opinion that matters (about things relating to you) is yours.

• Just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may. You’ll be surprised how easy it is once you try it. It’s analogous to being afraid of the dark; there’s simply nothing there to fear.

Consider famous people like Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, and others. Do you know of another person who is anything like any of them? They’re originals.

People who conform can never really stand out unless they’re in extraordinary circumstances. Maybe you’re not the next Albert Einstein, but how will you ever know if you fear judgment and standing out so you don’t do anything differently?

Being original is about having the courage to be yourself and letting the world know who you are. This isn’t always easy, but here’s another saying I love by Wayne Dyer: “Don’t die with your music still inside of you.” Let our your unique “music” out in the way that only you can.

Have the courage to be unique. You’ll live in an intensely fulfilled way and you’ll be remembered long after you’re gone.

Dr. Debi
Founder, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post Developing the Courage to Cultivate Originality appeared first on The PBT Institute.

Every relationship requires boundaries. Personal boundaries set limits on how others can behave in your presence and interact with you.

Certainly, your boundaries have been violated at some point in your life. Maybe a partner used language that was unacceptable toward you. Perhaps someone invaded your privacy by asking you a personal question you considered inappropriate.

What are your boundaries? How do you show others where you draw the line? Once your lines are clear, they benefit you and those around you.

Consider these areas in determining your personal boundaries:

         Physical boundaries. Physical boundaries include space. There are certain people whom you feel
comfortable standing much closer to than others. Your partner can stand closer to you than a
friend, and a friend closer than a coworker. Maybe a coworker can stand closer than a stranger.

• There are certain people you allow to touch you, and others you do not. There are more people you’ll shake hands with or hug than you’ll allow to touch your face or an intimate part of your body.
  
  Privacy. What are you willing to share with a particular person? Financial information? Health issues? Family issues? Your hopes and fears?

• There’s information that you’re willing to share with some people and not with others.
• There are also topics you don’t want to hear about from certain people. For example, you probably don’t want to hear about your mom’s sexual escapades or your boss’s bathroom habits.
• Do you expect your secrets to be respected? Do you respect the secrets and privacy of others?
  
  Language. Does cursing bother you and if so, do you tolerate it from others? How do you allow others to speak to you? Do you allow them to criticize you? How much disrespect do you permit? Would you allow someone to yell at you?

These are just three types of boundaries. What other boundaries can you think of?

• How long will you wait for someone before you feel disrespected?
• Borrowing and sharing items. Would you loan someone your favorite book? Allow them to eat off your plate? Loan them money?
• Coming to your workplace. Do you allow your friends and family to come to your workplace?
• Other boundaries?

Making your boundaries clear to others:

          Be patient and fair. It’s not fair to expect anyone to read your mind. At the same time, you
shouldn’t have to tell anyone that violence is off limits.

• You can state many of your boundaries up front. But some of your boundaries with a specific person won’t be identified until they’re crossed. Be patient. It will take time for the other person to discover all of your boundaries.
  
  Be assertive when your boundaries are crossed. When someone crosses one of your boundaries, calmly and clearly explain what you expect from them in that situation. Remember, you write the rules for how people treat you.
  
  Be willing to say, “no.” Let others know when you don’t have the interest or time to do something. It’s okay to decline offers. People respect someone who is willing to say “no” once in a while. Remember, “no” is a complete sentence. Don’t feel the need to justify or explain the reason why you said “no”.
  
  Avoid feeling guilty. It’s rare that someone’s boundaries are too strict or are unreasonable. The opposite is usually true. There’s no reason to feel guilty about having whatever boundaries you choose to have. Others will adapt.
  
  Be honest about what you need from others. What you need is another type of boundary. It’s the minimum you’re willing to tolerate in order to maintain the relationship. It’s a minimum boundary instead of a maximum boundary.

All relationships have boundaries, but all relationships and boundaries are unique. While some of your boundaries may apply to all relationships, other boundaries will vary greatly.

Your relationships fulfill a purpose in your life. The cost of having that purpose fulfilled is too great if it means sacrificing your boundaries in the process. Effective boundary setting sets the tone for respectful relationships.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post The Value of Healthy Boundaries in All of Your Relationships appeared first on The PBT Institute.

When difficult feelings arise, it’s natural to want to soothe, calm and relax ourselves. Unfortunately, while habits like drinking, smoking, overeating, or shopping can temporarily numb us from something challenging to feel or face, it comes with a high price tag. The issue remains, and now there are additional consequences to deal with because of the “method of mass distraction” we chose to temporarily keep those feelings at bay.

On the other hand, making constructive choices can help you face challenges and build your self-confidence. Here are 15 healthier ways to handle these feelings when they arise.

How to Soothe Yourself by Changing Your Thinking

1. Accept your feelings. Embracing uncomfortable emotions is the first step in being able to process them. Instead of denying anger, jealousy, frustration, loneliness or any other feelings you’re experiencing, you can acknowledge the situation and decide how to address it.
2. Cultivate gratitude. Being grateful instantly brightens your outlook. Count your blessings and express your appreciation. There’s always something to be grateful for, even if it’s simply that you’re alive and breathing.
3. Slow down. Bring racing thoughts under control. Even a few deep breaths or a few minutes of meditation can clear away mental clutter.
4. Be mindful. Stay in the present moment (which is the only moment we have control over anyway). Give your full attention to one task at a time. You’ll accomplish more and stay more focused on what needs attention at the time.
5. Accentuate the positive. When you evaluate opportunities, pay attention to the potential gains as well as the risks. Adjust your self-talk to reinforce your confidence and motivate you to move ahead. You choose to see if the glass is half empty or half full.
6. Use mental imagery. Picture yourself lying on a sandy beach, sipping tea in a cozy café or putting yourself in whatever scenario helps you feel calm and grounded. Engage your other senses by imagining the related sounds and smells as well.
7. Follow your faith. Find strength in your spiritual beliefs and practices. Adversity can help you develop insights, remember your purpose and encourage you to see that there may be more to what you’re experiencing than what you currently see.

How to Soothe Yourself by Changing Your Routines

1. Develop a healthy outlet for your stress. Activities that create a sense of flow are more relaxing and productive than watching TV. Find pleasure in engaging your creativity through writing, music, building, dancing or whatever else may inspire you.
2. Exercise regularly. Moving reduces physical and mental symptoms of stress. Go for a long walk, dance, do yoga, play tennis with a friend or find another activity that gets you moving.
3. Check your posture. Scan your body for tight spots. Stretch out your neck and limbs. Squeeze your muscles together, and then open up to release any anxiety that has been building up. Stand tall, lower your shoulders, and open your chest.
4. Eat healthier. Eating a healthy diet makes you more resilient, energetic and clear. It’s also a proactive step where you’re taking control, which can be so helpful when other aspects of life seem to be spinning out of control.

5. Sleep well. Rest is also essential for health, mood and clarity. Go to bed and wake up on a consistent schedule. Darken your bedroom, shut down the tech, and block out background noises as best you can.
6. Connect with others. Build a strong support network. Spend time with family and friends. Make time for sharing laughter and heart-to-heart talks. Ask for help when you’re struggling, and take your mind off your own worries by looking for ways to serve others.
7. Listen to music. Music has a powerful effect on how you feel. Cheer yourself up by listening to music that makes you feel good.
8. Breathe deeply. Using your breath to lower stress is fast and free, and you can do it anywhere. Create a slow, gentle rhythm as you pay attention to the air entering and exiting your nostrils. Imagine breathing in calming thoughts and exhaling anything distressing.

Stress is a part of life, but you can protect your health and wellbeing by the way you respond when things feel like they’re falling apart. Soothe yourself with calming thoughts and activities that restore your balance and deepen your peace of mind.

Dr. Debi
Founder and CEO, The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute

The post 15 Healthy Ways to Comfort Yourself appeared first on The PBT Institute.