It’s not always easy to do what you set out to do!

I don’t know about you, but there are many times in my life that I did NOT do what I planned to do and sometimes (to my dismay) committed to do. Other times I began the process of doing something and I discovered it was not the right thing to do, or the best thing for me. Have you ever had that happen?

It happened to me recently! My friend and I talked about going ziplining for quite some time. When we finally managed to schedule our adventure, I got to the top of the platform (where you step off and zipline onto the cable 75 feet in the air!) and changed my mind! I knew I was afraid of heights, but I did not expect the motion sickness that overcame me.

In my moment of realization, of having planned and talked about doing ziplining and then being there at the platform I had to step off of, I had two choices. One was to force myself to go for it, despite not feeling physically or emotionally well. Or two, turn around and pass on the ziplining. I knew in that instant that if I chose option one, I was not doing what was for my higher good AND if I went through with it, it was no longer about me but about what I ‘perceived’ others would think! At the same time I knew in that instant that option two was not only for my highest good, but it was me being in my personal POWER because I made my choice to do what was best for me! There was no sense of failure.

Tips To Do What You Set Out To Do:

• Agree or commit to things you have the intention of doing
• Do what you say you will without allowing procrastination or self-doubt to stop you 
• Agree or commit to things because it is right for you (not out of guilt – trying to please others)
• Consider yourself a success (not a failure) when you have made an attempt to follow through, yet circumstances changed the outcome

“A mindset of failure is simply based on how we deem an outcome. Trying, having the best intentions and occasionally walking away from something not right for us is victory.”
– Angela Schaefers

Photo Credit: Some rights reserved by allyson.farran

While there are several books titled ‘life instructions’, ‘how to live life’, ‘life 101 manual’ and more, none of them really have the ‘answers’ to life. Some people think that books, guidelines (theirs or others), rules (including ones passed down in generation after generation) provide a magical solution to how to live life. While many good tips, advice and guidelines do exist and can be helpful, there is no one way to live life successfully.

I think guidelines, plans and goals are great when it comes to living our best life. I do not agree that one person has the answers that fit everyone or that there is ‘one’ answer. I have found that living our best life requires constant learning and adjusting. Have you ever noticed that, often, just when you think you have a handle on something in life or a plan of action that seemingly works, something or everything changes?

What I have discovered is that I am the best person to create my individual life manual and take ownership over my life evolving. I know that I cannot change certain circumstances (things that already happened, things that are simply unchangeable) or people, however I can continually change, improve and adjust ME.

I used to think there was ‘one’ way to live this sometimes messy, lovely, challenging life of mine. I thought if I read all the ‘right’ books I would have the answers. I believed that if I just did things how others did (who appear happy & successful) and even ‘thought’ how others did life could ‘work’ for me!

The problem with following others rules and guidelines in life, is that more then likely their way is not always completely aligned with who you are. We may have similar beliefs and values then others, but how we go about living our life and being OURSELVES can be vastly different.

I decided some time ago that my life works better when I live it on my own terms. Am I considered a rebel at times? Yes. Do people ask me once in awhile why I can’t just do what everyone else is doing? Yes. Am I sometimes judged when I am not following ‘the’ rules that others have determined are the rules of the world? Yes.

It became tiring to try to live my life based on what others wanted, thought and believed in. I never have been one to follow, I have always been a leader. I have never been one who sits quietly while others go through life doing what everyone else is. It wasn’t easy to learn how to properly go against the norm and to figure out who I was and what I believed. When I did I then had to implement those beliefs and practices into my life.

I created my own life instruction book and encourage you to create your own too!

Here’s how to Create Your Life Instruction Book:

• Create your own creed (a statement of belief)
• Determine what works best for you when dealing with; conflicts, life changes and working towards your goals (develop systems and action plans)
• Observe what works for others and has helped them and learn from that - use those tips with your own
• Make a list of things that have not worked for you in living your best life (this helps remind you to try something different instead of doing the same thing over and over and getting the same unsatisfactory results)
• Create a vision board that is reflective of the kind of person you want to be and the life you want live

“Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”
– Mary Oliver

Photo Credit: Some rights reserved by merra m.

Sometimes making decisions can be challenging. Whether it is a big decision, like making a long term commitment or the simple choices everyday of what to do, eat and wear it can take some thought. Some people are more inclined to make decisions easily or choose the easiest and path of less resistance. Sometimes these people are methodical and routine oriented which helps in their decision making process.

Or there are the other people, like me. I have never been an overly structured person or one to be into the same routine, day after day. When I have made decisions quickly it was based out of fear, frustration or impatience! Those choices did not always work out so well for me. These days I have learned to be more aware about the choices I am making, I ask myself how this choice would be for my highest good and what are the potential outcomes. Including how it may affect those closets to me.

Yet, even with my healthier and more mature approach to decision making, I still struggle with some of the bigger decisions. The commitments, the things that are not easily undone. I realize that every time I am not making a decision, I am actually making a decision. Time passes, sometimes opportunities or options dissolve, sometimes my heart changes and so on. Life continues to happen as we are indecisive. I wonder, looking back how much time I have lost not making a decision and taking action about certain things?

I understand that sometimes it is best to wait on decision making. Especially when you have suffered a traumatic event or big change; divorce, death of a loved one, career change etc. And sometimes you need time to just ‘be’ and let life happen for now. But for myself, I have used that excuse a bit too often. Having an important decision before me, one I have agonized over for some time, I have concluded I need to set a time frame to make a final decision. Five days. If you struggle with decision making, I hope you will benefit from my five day plan!

Day 1:

Make a list of the pros & cons related to your decision

Day 2:

Contemplate what is holding you back from making a decision:

• Fear
• Not enough information to make a good decision
• Feeling you are not ready for something
• Being too comfortable where you are or with what you are doing presently
• Guilt (feeling responsible for hurting others or not making them happy by doing what they want)

Day 3:

Consider if the choice you make (one way or another) is worth the risks (you are risking if you do or do not think about both sides)

Day 4:

Think about what you need to help make this decision

• support from others
• physical, financial, emotional ability
• input from someone objective (someone not directly involved or affected by your decision)

Day 5:

Utilize previous methods that helped you make decisions (I’ve listed mine, you may have others that work for you)

• prayer
• a mindset of courage, faith, hope, optimism
• journaling your thoughts
• freedom from the past (mistakes, failures, guilt, shame)

Part of what makes the five day plan to make a decision work, is that you have five days!

By not going ahead to the next day and stay focused on the task for the day you are on, it makes it easier to really give yourself that day to think, talk, or whatever else is necessary to aid you in your decision making process. You can give yourself time, but limit your time too!

This method works for me with a lot of things, because I have been known to procrastinate, avoid or take a really long time getting something accomplished. This method allows me a set time frame and I know I can meet the deadline… and so can you!

“A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.”
– Tony Robbins

Photo Credit: Some rights reserved by vxla

Sometimes we get so used to doing something the same way as we always have. Routines are automatic. How we respond to people and circumstances is automatic, how we care for others is automatic, how we jump to conclusions and make assumptions are automatic, how we play the same old messages in our mind is automatic. But, we can stop doing it the same old way!

Having consistency, routines, and doing things the way they work best or being a way that works best for us is great. Yet sometimes it is necessary to stop doing things the same old way and stop being the same way that we’ve always been. It is important to evaluate periodically how and what we do to ensure we are not stuck in a rut or to discover if there may be a better way to do things.

Of course there is that saying ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’, but that is really all about perspective! If it could be done better, if you could be better, why not improve and change? Change can be good for the soul. Change can open the door for better in your life. Change, sometimes even changing the ‘usual routine’ can also be scary!

Sometimes we wonder why life isn’t getting better or why we no longer feel excited and challenged about someone or something. Perhaps it is because we keep doing the same old thing related to a circumstance or person. Perhaps our job is stale because we have the same routine going with no hope for something better. Perhaps our relationships with others are stagnant because we react, respond and interact with others in the same familiar way.

Breaking out of routines can feel risky. However if you want to live your life to the fullest it may be time to shake it up a bit! First evaluate what situations and relationships you may feel is monotonous. Second evaluate what areas you feel personally you may feel restless in. We may not recognize until we think about what’s really working and what is fulfilling or not in our lives, what needs to change.

I have learned to get out of my routines both personally and professionally and it isn’t always easy, because the old, familiar route ‘feels’ effortless. Yet, the outcome of doing something differently and being different (improving) often brings wonderful results. Whether it’s an improved relationship with someone, an open mind that allows me to meet and be others with different interests or trying something professionally that I would have never considered, there is something to be learned from it all and it stretches me in a good way!

Practice some new ways of doing things;

• Change your daily routine
• Try something new
• Express your appreciation, love, care etc. to others that you have not done so before or not done so recently
• Explore a new activity or interest
• Get involved with a project, volunteer or join a group

Practice personal changes;

• Change your wardrobe, hair, personal style
• Look at things and people differently (be more open & accepting – learn from others)
• Change how you normally react and respond to negativity (be more patient, be open to negotiation, listen to others perspective)
• Try something new in the workplace (stretch yourself, ask for a chance to do something outside your usual job, create a new project)
• Change any negative self-talk to ensure the messages you tell yourself are uplifting and empowering

“As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge.” — Henry Van Dyke

I have seen how words spoken to someone have harmed their soul and had an adverse long-lasting effect. I have recognized in many the impact negative self-talk has had on them. There is an old childhood saying ‘sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will never hurt you’ that is very far from the truth!

Words from others have created pain, shame, doubt and fear within many of us. Perhaps we tell ourselves that others words, or even our own, cannot harm us, but deep down we carry around unfounded beliefs about ourselves. We buy into all the criticisms and yet we ‘act’ as if we are fine, confident and unscathed by hurtful words. When we believe the unkind words spoken to us, including the ones we say to ourselves, it affects our ability to be loving, successful, peaceful and more.

When we take the time to reflect on what messages we have come to believe along the way, we can begin to unravel truth from untruth. Just because someone, somewhere along the way, put us down does not mean we are what they think.

Just because we picked up ‘messages’ along the way that we tell ourselves and have come to believe, does not mean we are that way or that we cannot change! Many of us have been labeled incorrectly and also believe things about ourselves that stem from mistakes we made or turbulent experiences in our life.

Some common statements we may have heard from others that have a detrimental affect on us;

• You are ugly, fat, have bad hair, have bad skin etc.
• You will never amount to anything
• You are stupid
• You are a failure
• You are boring
• I hate you, I dislike you, I do not love you

Mistakes and challenging life experiences that create negative beliefs within us;

• A divorce/break-up – I am a failure, I am not good enough, I am unloveable
• Being fired from a job – I am a failure, I am incompetent, I am not as good as others
• Becoming ill/ a life changing accident – I will never be healthy/whole again, I am inadequate, I am not normal
• Hurting someone you love – I am not good at relationships, I am not loving and caring towards others
• Not giving our best to a task/project – I will never be good enough, I can’t do anything right

Whatever messages you have in your head that prevent you from self-love and feeling good about yourself can be changed! Whether they are the messages from others (especially those closest to you) or from your own ‘perception’ about yourself, you can choose to replace them with good, kind and loving messages. The key is to let go of the past and be your best self in the present… forgive OTHERS for their criticisms, for shaming you and forgive YOURSELF. Let go of the past mistakes, failures and beliefs attached to life events that have created false beliefs.

And… be aware of your words of influence… pay attention to the words you speak to others.

Ask yourself if the words you say and labels you give to others are words of empowerment or words of disapproval. One approach creates shame and feelings of lack and the other creates esteem and feelings of worth. Just as compelling as speaking positivity into your own life is the influence you have to speak positivity into others lives!

Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another. — Napoleon Hill

Photo Credit: Wordle