Up until the age of 35, I lived a life fueled by self-will and determination; the proverbial square peg in a round hole. I just knew if I worked hard enough and stayed committed I could wrestle happiness out of life. It was clear from my perspective that whoever had the most “stuff” wins the game of life. And I sure wanted my share.

From the outside, I’m sure most would think I had everything going for me. I seemed happy, had plenty of friends and usually a fairly decent job. Yet on the inside I was consumed by fear and always looking for the “bigger better deal.” No matter what I achieved or experienced, there was always something missing or better around the next corner.

I was self-sufficient, independent, and driven; which masqueraded as determination and not the need for control and fear of depending on anyone else.

On March 12, 2006, all that changed.

That day was my bottom. I had reached a point where I was emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically bankrupt. Everything hinged on one seemingly unambiguous decision. To me it was black-n-what with no shades of gray; life or death? Not to be dramatic, that’s just the way it was.

I had never considered myself spiritual. I realize now that I’ve always been spiritual, just not conscious of it. But at that moment, when I chose life in 2006, I begin my personal conscious spiritual journey.

Conscious, Practical Spirituality

For me, conscious spirituality started very simply; awareness followed by surrender. I became acutely aware that I had no idea how to be happy in life and that, no matter how hard I tried; I couldn’t do it on my own. So I sought help from anyone or anything I thought had something to offer. Books, therapists, counselors, 12 step programs, life coaches, spiritual advisers, to me they all offered something. And I was desperate so I was willing to try anything.

One of the first things someone suggested was that I get down on my knees and pray. I responded with something like, “I don’t believe in anything, so what’s the point in praying.” His response, “I didn’t ask what you believed in, I asked you to do something.” So I did it.

So I started praying, on my knees, every morning, night, and many times throughout the day. I was to pray only for others, those I was angry with, and for acceptance. Never was I to pray for myself.

After a few months I began to notice something, I began to think about others and their well being more often. My thoughts were less about “what’s in it for me?” I started feeling more peaceful with myself and enjoyed my moments of prayer and quiet time just to be still.

There was one instance when I realized I had really changed. It happened on a seemingly typical Friday night on my way home from work. My new girlfriend and I had this romantic dinner planned at our favorite Italian restaurant, which happened to be clear across town, back towards the direction I worked. Typically my commute home was around twenty-five to thirty minutes of stress filled highway commuter driving. About halfway home the four lane highway became a parking lot due to a huge wreck up ahead. I immediately knew that my typical commute was going to be over an hour and we would surely miss our reservation. I felt the frustration and anger rising.

But then something amazing happened.

I immediately thought about the people in the wreck and my heart swelled with fear and compassion for those involved and their family members. So I prayed for them.

As I looked around at all the other drivers, banging on their steering wheels and honking their horns, I realized I had changed. Whether it was from the practicality of action, praying for others, or something else, I definitely had changed.

Photo Credit:  Some rights reserved by Esparta

Darlene has set up a non-profit to help educate and support both patients and family members who are facing breast cancer. She has done public speaking to help share her story and bring about awareness too.

Her most important goal has been to educate others about their treatment options and to help them to use their voice when dealing with doctors, practitioners and insurance matters.

Recently, Darlene’s health worsened. Though she took all precautions and exercised many healing methods, she was in a position of things turning for the worse. As always, giving up was not an option.

As she continued to educate herself about options to save her life, she found out about a particular drug that is not now available for patients, but has shown promising results when used to help breast cancer.

Though she was told she would not be able to have the drug, she decided to make a video about her plight. In part, the video is a message she leaves behind for her young son and in part, once again, she advocates for herself and many others who should have the right to drugs that may save their life.  You may watch her video at the bottom of this post.

Obviously there are many, many people like Darlene who are true heroes that fight for a cause, who set an example of courage and faith and who care beyond their own needs. Not everyone gets the public attention that acknowledges their heroism and bravery, including those who fight against terminal illness such as cancer. But all deserve to be heard and to be admired for their efforts, for giving their best fight.

Though breast cancer is one of the cancers most know about in the public, there are still many facets of breast cancer and how it affects people differently that are not understood.

Not only is important for the public to understand this disease that continues to take lives, it is essential that the medical field work closely together to work towards a cure.

Do you have the courage to fight breast cancer?

There are so many ways you can help fight this disease… the smallest, easiest of which is to share this message with everyone you know.  Other means include:

• Volunteer your time to a breast cancer walk or run.
• Donate money (even the smallest amounts help).
• Educate yourself about the facets this life taking disease.

Then Life Happens own Darren Sproat is once again running for breast cancer to help support education, awareness and finding a cure.

Will you help support him in this endeavor?

You may do so by visiting his donation page here: Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. Darren will find a way to personally thank each and everyone who donates to this very worthy cause.

Please feel free to share your stories of how you help support breast cancer education, awareness and finding a cure!  Or, perhaps, you have a very personal fight of your own you’d like to bring attention to. Please share in the comments below.

Photo Credit:  Some rights reserved by pfala

Darlene’s Story

When was the last time someone asked you “who are you?” instead people usually ask “what do you do?”. We don’t usually walk around sharing who we are or ask ourselves who we think we are. Life just happens.

We become who we are by all the factors surrounding us. Our family of origin, our job, our partner and perhaps based on where we live too.

Sometimes we live our lives for years before we ask ourself that very important question… Who are we? And if we don’t ask, we often live unaware of why we do what we do or think how we think. Sometimes we think we are important, special, successful and other positive attributes. That’s great!

Other times we ‘think’ we are a failure, are unworthy and nobody special or important. However we got to the point of thinking that, it is not true. Yes we all make mistakes and most of us have failed at something or other. But what we choose to believe about all of that is our choice. And the more we think we are, whatever negative labels we have chosen, the more WE are that.

When I began my journey of self discovery, I realized that a great deal of how I acted and who I ‘thought’ I was, was based on others and my circumstances. I decided at one point that I needed to investigate who this person was that I had become.

I began to ask myself these questions:

• What are my own beliefs and values (not based on others, but based on my ‘own’ perceptions and experiences)
• What factors attributed to my personality and behaviors (relationships, experiences – good and bad)
• How did I feel when my thoughts and opinions differed from others (I often felt uncomfortable and did not want to be an ‘outsider’)

Over time I realized that not everything I had become, how I thought and acted, was being true to who I really was. Yes, many times I share the same opinion as others or will do the same things (similar interests). But there were also many times (in the past) that I found myself doing or saying things or having the opinion of others and not being my own self.

I realized that I needed to be clear about who I was, what I thought/wanted and what life I wanted to live, for me. That is when I began to understand that many of the things I thought about myself were not true for me and were strongly biased by others or by my circumstances. It’s freeing to align my beliefs, my wants and who I am together. I practiced the following to help:

• Even when uncomfortable, I do not go along with what others are doing/saying unless it truly aligns with who I am
• I spend the necessary time reflecting on who I am and remind myself of my attributes even when I feel discouraged about something and especially when rejected by others
• I practice staying open (acceptance not necessarily agreeing with) to others feelings/thoughts/beliefs (that are not aligned with mine) which helps me to remember that we are all different in many ways and that is what adds beauty and depth to the world
• I listen to others thoughts/opinion/suggestions about me, my work and my personal life but I do not let their opinions change who I know I am (I will consider if change is needed)

Who do you think you are?

As always, we welcome your thoughts and comments and always appreciate learning more about the community at Then Life Happens.

Photo Credit:  Some rights reserved by ben hanbury

As creative souls our sensitivity makes us vulnerable to great wounding; and deep wounds if left un-medicated have the ability to paralyze us.

But there in ends the bad news, for wounds once healed increase your ability to dream, to understand to feel. There is strength and power to be found in our scars.

For scars tell stories of battles fought, of not only our survival, but of our continued commitment to fight for our dreams. Scars, like wounds, are a part of our journey. Let me tell you a story…

Two years ago, I was working in a small studio in Hollywood, where a man (a well known Hollywood Director) verbally abused me beyond belief. To do this day, I have no idea what caused him to say such horrible things.

He looked at me with much derision and scorn and snarled, “No film you make, or are ever part of making will ever be watched by more than a few of your friends.”

He then added the walking cliché; “I can make it so you never work in this town again.”

Oh how deep that wound was; for he had aimed a mortal blow right at the heart of me, right at the heart of my dream. I was wounded, desperately wounded, but only for an hour or so. I healed quickly. What saved me from this mortal blow?

The answer I believe is two-fold… Faith & Friendship.

We can never remove ourselves from criticism or rejection; it’s all part of the game we dreamers play. But it’s so tempting to change the way we play the game, to become hardened and ruthless (much like my abuser); to throw off that sensitivity that made us so vulnerable and creative in the first place.

So my question is this how do we remain vulnerable and stay alive to our dream?

When that man cursed me, when he promised me failure, the strength of his promise was defeated (and quickly) by the promise of my dream. For our dreams don’t rest in our own strengths. I believe that my dream was given only to me; that the steps I walk have been and are being constantly arranged; that the God who arranges my steps is far greater than any Hollywood Director.

Faith, both in the dream and in the “Giver of our Dreams”, allows us to throw of criticism and rejection. They are just part of the journey, foes that come to distract us and tell us of another safer way; that really isn’t a way at all.

What doesn’t kill us will make us stronger; and in the creative pursuits I believe they make us stronger and more vulnerable at the same time.

The other part of the journey is Friendship. We’re not supposed to endure our wounds alone. When our skin is wounded, we need a band-aid to hold the edges together so that the skin can heal. So it is with our dreams; friendship is the band-aid that holding us together allowing our dreams to heal.

When that man in Hollywood attacked my dream, I ran straight into the arms of friends; people who held tight their own dreams, and so valued the dream in me. And there I remained, encouraged and believed in. A scar formed, strong and beautiful and I was ready to fight again.

Having a place of vulnerability to process rejection and criticism is vital for those of us who dream. It allows us to heal quickly and stay true to who we are in even the toughest of circumstances.

Faith & Friendship, are they part of your dream?

Photo Credit  by Rennett Stowe - Some rights reserved 

For me personally, I felt a lot less confident in myself and that was a big reason I would seek advice and direction from others and not go with what may be a better choice for me. The other reason in listening to others instead of making my own choices was that I didn’t know how to tune into my feelings and I was not clear about who I was. These two factors seem to affect many people in making their own decisions.

Over time I developed my self-confidence in a variety of ways and as I did I felt more equipped to NOT listen to others but to follow my heart and gut instinct. It took time, but these are the things that helped me:

• Look back to your past to determine those times you were successful at something because you made the choice to TRY something… trying (even though you do not always succeed) is essential to feeling confident
• Accept that failing or making mistakes is okay and normal (everyone fails and makes mistakes at times - learn from it and move on)
• Think back to the times that others have told you that you are good at something (sometimes we are good at something and do not realize it until others point it out)
• Think about the choices you have made that turned out well and made you feel good about yourself

Sometimes we do not think about the achievements we have made (big and small) or the talents and abilities we have that we should feel good about. Sometimes we do not celebrate the good we are responsible for and we minimize it.

Regardless of what you have achieved or not or what mistakes you have made along the way, you have to believe in you. Others can express their belief in you or their disappointment in you. But that should not be as important as what you believe about yourself. When you believe you are valuable you can then feel confident and in turn feel confident about making your own choices.

You Have the Answer…

When you make your own choices remember to:

• Trust yourself enough to know you are making the best choice given the circumstances
• Accept that not everything turns out as you want and it is okay
• Remember that you can choose how to react to the outcomes of your choices – with disappointment (when it doesn’t work out) and learn from that or with celebration (when it does work out) and you can allow it to affect you how you choose

How have you found the answers that work best for you?

Photo Credit:  Some rights reserved by Hryck.