If you are not attune to the moment you miss much. You miss so many magical moments, rare opportunities and wonderful feelings, all that are often fleeting. I have written about and talked about living intentionally, experiencing life in the moment and being aware of what is happening right before you. Though, perhaps like me, you feel it is sometimes easier said then done!

It is so easy to get caught up in chaos. Drama with others, issues in your professional life, finances gone awry. Sometimes it is just life happening. Stuff goes wrong, things break, time passes and there went the day or worse the week or even worse the month! Sometimes I hear others say, and I say it too, “time flies” or “doesn’t it seem that every year time goes by quicker”. And that is the problem with living in the moment.

Life happens so quickly sometimes. Things change at warp speed or the time we think we had to carry out or enjoy something is gone before we know it. Circumstances out of our control often contribute to time speeding by and us not feeling that we have enough time to get everything done that we need or want to. It’s very frustrating!

I have realized that there is so much we cannot control, like; others, nature, random life upheavals and more. And since we cannot have complete control over how our day goes, our week or life in general then it seems even more important that we do the best we can in the moment. We can decide how we will handle ourselves (our actions and reactions) in the moment and we can make an effort to be aware of every moment.

It is not easy. I’ve tried. Yet, the more I try, and put forth that small effort each day, to remind myself how very important the moments of life are, the easier it becomes. And when I am able to live in the moment, I am so much more filled with love, gratitude and joy. Because, more often than not, in the moment these things can be found. On the other hand, I have experienced those moments where life was forever altered (a death of a loved one, a cancer diagnosis, the decision to divorce) and those moments are heart wrenching. And those sort of moments are also a necessary part of life.

However, we still get to choose how many moments we will spend grieving versus loving, being bitter versus joyful or fearful versus feeling freedom. I continue to strive towards living in the moment and experiencing the very best of that moment as possible. I do acknowledge those moments that do not feel so good, but I don’t let them linger too long or put a great deal of thought into those moments. Instead I work at feeling joy, gratitude, peace, love and other happy feelings. I purposely look around in the moment to experience life’s goodness.

This week alone I have experienced these things in the moment;

Kids laughing and playing, lovers holding hands, flowers blowing in the wind, the sound of the ocean, sunshine, watching my son enjoy something new, hugging my daughter, the smell of my favorite candle, sharing a smile with a random stranger, Facebook pictures of others happiness and more, so much more. I think there are so many things available to each of us, that will bring us happiness, inspiration and encouragement. But sometimes we have to look for it and be ready, in the moment, to experience it.

My tips for living in the moment;

• Slow down… life will still be there when you get back to it
• Be aware of your feelings; hunger, tiredness, your varying emotions
• Take deep breaths; often
• Move around; exercise, dance, walk, do something to ‘feel’ the moment
• Quiet your mind; meditate, pray, listen to soothing music

It seems to me, as I practice living in the moment, the key is to not allow life happening to rush me past the moments that are in fact the most beautiful part of life.

How do you experience living in the moment?

Photo Credit  Some rights reserved by laszlo-photo

Many people are talking about money, including the financial state of the world. An interesting topic for sure and oh so many opinions! While I am not leading into a post about politics and money, perhaps some of what I share sounds familiar to what we are seeing and experiencing from our world leaders.

If you live in a homeowner association, which is an official management of a sub-division ( a group of homes within a planned community) you will understand more clearly the challenges and conveniences a homeowner may face. A volunteer group comprises the board of directors and a management company generally aid in ensuring rules and regulations of the community are adhered to. They also handle various maintenance issues and community finances, depending on the community.

You may have heard stories in the news about people losing their homes from fines due because of association violations like painting their home the wrong color, having an oversized dog, or simply chopping down a tree that was the community property, not their own. Some people who live in planned communities appreciate that they do not have to live in a typical neighborhood where, sometimes, without rules things can go on that are not acceptable or pleasing to the eyes of others. So while there are good and bad points to living in a planned community, it is a choice.

Once you choose to live in a planned community, obviously some choices are limited. As above, there can be a great deal of rules, regulations and fine print when living in a planned community and you are held accountable to an association board and management company. And that’s where I wonder how far does this go, when we give up our ‘right‘ to have certain choices because of the neighborhood in which we live.

This is a story I heard about someone living in a planned community. The association determined that, although there were several abandon homes due to foreclosure and several common ground areas with dead grass, the other homes with dying grass required new sod. Because the association has the responsibility to keep up the landscape of the community (including each homeowners personal property) they determined that new sod was needed and the homeowner had no choice. They proceeded to place the new sod and changed the sprinklers for each of the said properties, increasing the water usage for each property to the tune of tripling the typical water bill. When questioned about this situation the board said they were simply doing what they felt necessary. When asked how people lacking financially to pay for necessary items such as groceries, gas, clothing etcetera were supposed to pay for high water bills for ‘grass‘, they stated that the board doesn’t need to be compassionate in order to fulfill their responsibility.

Apparently, some leaders (and you can decide who based on your own thoughts and research) do have a great deal of control over others lives, but insist that ‘compassion‘ is not a requirement in their decision making process. If it came down to having new grass or groceries, what, for the good of the majority, would you choose to do?

And that is what this post is about. Not what others are doing or not, not about bashing any political parties, individuals or entities. But looking at our own selves and asking our selves what matters most to us and are we living our lives based on our own values and beliefs. We each have some power to exercise over others, maybe at home or work. Perhaps on a volunteer board or other group that we are on a committee of or directing. Do we honestly consider ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ and do we consider the outcome of certain decisions that will cost others time and money? Would we think differently about putting in new sod if it was our own family (perhaps our aging parents on a fixed income) and the cost that would incur for them?

I think many decisions made and actions taken require a lot more thought about the real impact they have on others and the actual necessity of things that are ‘required’ to be done. Things have shifted for a great deal of people, financially and otherwise. It is not about being in ‘crisis’, it is about dealing with changes that are real and have an effect on many, many people in the world. I vote for groceries any day over new grass, but that’s just my opinion!

As always we would love to hear your comments and feedback. We are community (though not a planned community with an association or board keeping us in check!) and welcome your participation.

Photo Credit  Some rights reserved by MSVG on Flickr

Have you ever noticed how much communication includes;

• conflict
• assumptions
• judgments

How do we create better communication?

A lot could be said about each subject, but simply put these three things are apt to be a part of our day-to-day communication with others. If we are not in conflict with someone, perhaps they feel conflicted towards us (disagreements that feel and are uncomfortable and sometimes creating feelings of anger). If we are not assuming (guessing at what others think, want or are communicating to us) then perhaps others are assuming what we are trying to say, what we need or what we want. If we are not judging (pre-conceived ideas about why someone is doing something or the intention they have in doing/saying certain things, or worse yet assuming others needs/wants) then perhaps others are judging us.

It is possible that these things occur, sometimes unnoticed, because we are not communicating effectively. We are not direct in our conversations, we are not clear about our intent or we do not ask open-ended questions of others to get a clear understanding of them, instead of assuming and judging. Or perhaps others are not asking us open-ended questions or seeking more information about us, instead of coming to their own conclusions.

Complicated? Yes. Human nature? Yes. Changeable? Yes. Does changing how we are used to communicating take effort? Yes. Like many others, I am guilty of making assumptions, judging others and finding myself in conflict with others. I did not used to think too much about it, I just ‘assumed’ this was the way of the world. I did not think there was another option to communicating more effectively, nobody had really modeled that to me or suggested learning a different way.

Now, I realize that how I communicate and interact with others greatly affects my attitude and sometimes my mood! I strive to live joyfully and peacefully and to some extend that is all about how I ‘choose’ to react and respond and how I choose to perceive things. But since we are human, and we are not the only person here on earth, for the most part others affect us and we them. I know I cannot change others attitude or the way they communicate. Yet I know that I can change my own and I can hopefully, positively affect others which will create an interest in them having more effective communication too!

For me, the new year includes many things I want to work harder at, some personal changes I want to make and most importantly working towards having better professional and personal relationships! And I believe better relationships happen with better communication. Here are some tips that I have learned along the journey that help me create better communication;

• Ask questions, before assuming, before allowing feelings of conflict and before judging   (often you will be surprised to know you were not ‘right’ about an assumption)
• Before you judge others, think back on your own actions, including mistakes and regrets and remember that you too have not always made the ‘right’ choices
• Before judging others ask yourself if this judgment is about ‘you’ or about the other person (why does this particular thing they are doing or saying bother you… what is really about you and your own issues)
• Think back to the times people judged you or made assumptions about who you are, what you want etc. and remember that (probably) it did not feel good and all you needed was a chance to be ‘asked’ what you need/want/feel
• If someone does or says something that creates a feeling of conflict within, before responding, ask yourself what outcome you expect with your response and what you can do or say that will be aligned with your core values and principles

We would love to know your tips on better communication! We welcome your thoughts!

Listen to Angela’s latest interview on Your Story Matters. Angela interviews Michele Casto about her new book ”Destiny Discovery”. Listen and leave a comment and you could win Michele’s book.

Photo Credit © Fotandy | Dreamstime.com

Today’s post is a book review from M.J. DeMarco’s bestseller The Millionaire Fastlane. Demarco shares his thoughts about how he went from living with his mom and mopping floors to creating the life he desired, by getting out of the slowlane and into the fastlane. He did not have anything extraordinary to help him along; he didn’t win the lotto or inherit fortunes, he didn’t develop a widget that sold millions and he didn’t ‘run’ into pure luck while on the slowlane!

The following are tips I have taken from the book. I would love to see your comments below about these or other tips you may have.

1. Question your beliefs about wealth
2. Identify your financial behavior habits
3. Determine what perception of wealth you must have that will lead you to ‘fastlane’ wealth
4. Decide what you need to change and how to take action to create change
5. Accept that wealth is a process, not an event… evaluate your process
6. Build a financial plan using money management
7. Take responsibility for your financial freedom
8. Increase what you can afford to buy by not buying what you cannot afford
9. Don’t accept living in the ‘slowlane’ of frugality, mediocrity and sacrifice
10. Don’t sell yourself out for a 9-5 job that limits your *freedom*
11. Don’t use ‘hope’ as an excuse to be in the ‘slowlane’
12. Learn from those who have found success/wealth and are teaching how they did it (not those successful teaching something else)
13. Learn financial discipline BEFORE you have money
14. Build a system that will leverage your work
15. Become a successful producer first, before becoming a successful consumer
16. Create and manipulate assets
17. Liquify appreciated assets in to money and transform that money into another passive income (create a money system)
18. Make a coordinated commitment to take action and a conscious choice to create a massive income
19. Think ‘big’ to earn big
20. Exercise control by making the ‘choice’ to succeed
21. Think forward, not in the past
22. Think about your perceptions that affect your choices of action
23. Regard time as your #1 asset
24. Allow good relationships in your life to accelerate your process
25. Continually implement creative education
26. Be committed to hard work
27. Chase needs (others/consumers) not money
28. Have a passionate ‘why’ (why are you doing what you are doing?)
29. Be exceptional
30. Determine your destination (your outcome)
31. Conquer big goals by breaking them down into smaller goals
32. Live below your means

Though each of the tips above resonated with me and have helped me to get out of the slowlane, two very significant points that DeMarco made had a major impact:

• More money does not solve problems.
• Whatever my passion is, in order to be a money maker, it must solve a need that others have AND I must be good at doing whatever it is I am doing.

WIN a copy of The Millionaire Fastlane by listening
to DeMarco’s interview on Your Story Matters. Click here
to listen to the interview.

Or, buy the book now by clicking the image at the right.

Again, we welcome your comments and thoughts. Feel free to share your tips or how the tips above have helped you!

Photo Credit © raj_nair81

My boy was a boy bullied and this is my story.

The reason this is so near and dear to my heart is that my own family has endured bullying and the consequences it brings. The ongoing bullying of my son changed my entire family, not just him. While it was devastating for him, for us it was as well, to watch him go through this, trying everything we could and it was useless.

At the end of his grade 6 year he was lying on the floor in his room sobbing, his body shaking, saying to us he was so glad it was summer so he would have two months free from bullying. Our hearts were breaking. We had visited his teachers and principals, as well as the head of the school division, but nothing was ever done about the bully and his parents.

It was all about our son, we were told by the principal “he makes himself such a target because he is such a good kid”. What?? What, as a parent are you supposed to do with a comment like that. Tell your child to stop being so good, stop volunteering with the kindergarten kids, stop putting your hand up first in class, stop doing your assignments?

That year his principal changed, we spoke with the new one she promised us it would end.

It was better for a few months in his grade 7 year and then things were back to square one.

We could slowly see changes in our son, the boy who smiled and was happy was no longer there, his eyes were empty and full of pain. He no longer played his piano; he stayed in his room reading all the time.

By December of his grade 8 year things came to a head. We pulled him from the local school and drove him into the city to school. Slowly, he turned around and started to come back to us. Then, tragedy in his grade 10 year, his closest and best friend killed himself. This, on top of everything he had gone through for years, was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Months later the school called us and said come in right away. One of my son’s friends had come to the school nurse and told her of my son’s plan to kill himself. We rushed in and again the boy that walked through the door with the school nurse did not even look like our son, pain wracked him from head to toe, his face was pale, eyes that had started to show some joy again were now full of pain, once again.

Upon going to the hospital, having an assessment done, he was admitted and remained in hospital for quite a while; at first refusing to see us. We would get up in the morning, holding our coffee cups with tears rolling down our faces, stunned and wondering how on earth did we ever get to this place.

At the hospital the specialist told us he was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from the years of bullying. His friend’s suicide, someone he had genuinely connected with after so many years of loneliness, pushed him over the edge. At the time we thought we had provided him with enough care and help to see him through it but we had not.

All the years of pent-up anguish and pain came pouring out and he was not equipped to deal with it. He had, quietly in the night, in his room, started cutting himself. Imagine our shock. He did this right under our noses and we had no idea. And, he made his plan…

In his plan, he would kill himself on the 6 month anniversary of his friends’ suicide; he could no longer bear to be part of such a mean, cruel world. We are thankful every day for his friend that was brave enough to go to the school nurse, thankful every day that he told her his plan and thankful every day for the counselling he received, his healing, and his strength to face these painful issues head on in counselling.

Recovery was rough, lots of anger, lots of accusations, lots of raw emotion, but he did it, he faced it and is now flourishing in university and working. He is much stronger for what he has gone through, we all are, but I would give anything to have spared him all this pain and his questions of why me? What’s wrong with me?

Now, he knows there was nothing wrong with him.

If you know a bully, if you know someone who is being bullied please do not take it lightly, please do not brush it off. The scars and pain run very deep and are invisible from the outside. Stand up, say something, and be there for the person being bullied. You never know when it could be your child, your grandchild, or someone you love.

This mother’s plea.

Photo Credit © Liz Grace