There Are No Ordinary Moments

SO.....

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 08:14:00 +0000

So, my laptop died. Weeks and weeks ago. I can check facebook and email on my phone, but it's too difficult to blog on the teeny tiny screen. So I just haven't.

However, I ordered a new laptop this week, and it should be here sometime next week.

I will be back, don't worry.

FEATURED

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:09:00 +0000

My dear friend Christina Crook was gracious enough to ask me to contribute to her weekly column at She Loves Magazine.

Writing it felt good. Scary, like coming out of the closet, because I say things like feminist, pro-choice and Christian all in the same breath, and many people don't think those words work together, but they do, inside of me, and it is honest and true to my conscience to put them out into the open. So there you are, without futher ado...you can read my confession of conflicted faith here: On Gender Roles, Quiet Times, and Making Art Not War

One day, (like after my sister's wedding and we finish painting our dining room) I'll blog again. Thanks for sticking around, neglected readers. I love you!

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT: GETTING AROUND TOWN, KNOCKING OFF PRICEY DIAPER BAGS AND GASP! MAKING KIDS WALK ON THEIR OWN TWO FEET

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 15:09:00 +0000

So, to my great shame, I don't know how to drive. Let's not talk about that and move on to the fact that I go out a lot with my kids. Parks, community centers, play dates with friends, the library, running errands....and we get there by bus.

I've blogged before about my adventures with my truly wonderful double Mountain Buggy, but as Corwn got bigger, it was killing my back to push it up hills with him in it, so I needed a new rig. Corwyn, being three years old, has two perfectly good legs, and it was time that I started making him use them. We walk a lot. On top of an exactly 1 km walk to the bus stop, once we get off the bus, we often walk long distances to our final destination, or walk all or part of the way home. I was finding he was getting pretty tired by the end of the day and begging to be carried, which couldn't happen and led to temper tantrums. So...my super awesome friend Marisa was selling her single Mountain Buggy with every single accessory possible, including the brand new Free Rider attachment and I snapped it up.

I should tell you that my number one ultimate goal in life while adventuring about with my children is to push the stroller with one hand and have the other hand free to hold a coffee.

The Free Rider has been incredible. Corwyn loves riding his scooter so much that I no longer have to drag him along by his arm because he won't hold my hand or walk another step unless I am pulling him. He will go much further distances, much faster on it than on foot, and when he does get tired, he loves to have a ride on it as as a buggy board. Either way, I can hold my coffee. BI-WINNING, I tell you!

My number two ultimate goal in life is to never have to carry bags because it hurts my back. I have admired the Skip + Hop bags for quite some time, but they were just a bit too spendy for my slim pocketbook. I didn't have any bags that quite sat properly when hung over the handle, and I don't like putting heavy bags on my giant carabiner because it marks up the handle of the stroller, and then one day, I was in my favourite thrift store and stumbled upon this great bag, which was brand new and only $2. I had a flash of inspiration and decided to make my own clip-on-to-the-stroller bag.

I did a little surgery on the bag and I can now carry the 5,017 items needed for a day of adventure with two small children without having it all falling out of the stroller basket and without breaking my back. All while sipping my coffee.

Here's how I modified the bag: After a foray down to Dressew, I got two plastic clips and two plastic loops and a new nylon strap, which all cost about $5. I sniped the narrow shoulder strap that came on the bag in half, attached the clips to the strap. Then I attached the loops to the bag with a little bit of the nylon strap that I bought and then I sewed a new and wider strap straight onto the bag and viola $7 total for my fancy, hands-free stroller bag. Hurrah!

If you think I'm mean for making Corwyn walk 2-6 km per day, scientists think kids spend too much time in strollers, and he sure sleeps good at night after a day running around.

Unfortunately, I can't push the stroller, hold a coffee AND take a picture of myself, so this one of the stroller, Free Rider and my new bag looking all pretty will have to do.

My stroller is all pimped out, yo.

And here is a bonus picture of Corwyn's super cute face which he kept sticking in front of my camera when I was trying to photograph my the bag. How could I not take a picture of that smile?

And that's how we do it! We're off now for a fun morning with my super-awesome friend Marisa and my dear friend Christina who recently moved to Toronto, but is in town for one last, sweet visit before she has her baby in a few weeks. Hope your day is as sunny and lovely as ours is going to be!

SUMMER DAYS

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 18:28:00 +0000

June....blue skies, green grass and warm breezes.

My boys are growing up so fast I can't even breathe.

They stay small for such a short time. Corwyn has lost all his babyness. He's a big boy now and it is sort of breaking my heart, while also bringing so much joy as we can have such great conversations and adventures. His hair is totally out of control, but he is insisting that he wants it long "like Demetrius" - a little boy on our street who has hair down to his waist and wears it in braids. Gage is crawling like a maniac, cruising around furniture and peeking around corners. He smiles all the time. My heart is full.

INTERNAL CONFLICT

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Thu, 19 May 2011 09:25:00 +0000

It is nearly midnight, and my boys are asleep. Gage is lying, sprawled out on his stomach in the middle of our bed, snoring through his congested nose. Corwyn is curled up tight around a dolphin, a rabbit and a bear. He called out for me in his sleep a few minutes ago and I went and layed down with him until his breathing settled into its resting rhythm and I could slip out. As I stood up, thinking he was asleep, he reached his hand up into the air, fingers splayed out. "Give me some yuv mum." he mumbled, and I kissed his palm five times and then he closed his fingers tight into a fist and tucked it under the blanket, right beside his heart.

In a haze of exhaustion today, I tucked Corwyn into the easy chair in his room with a stack of books, threw a bucket of toys on the floor for Gage, scanned the room for any unsafe for crawling baby items and shut the door. Then I laid down on Corwyn's bed and dozed. I was roused, after a while (too soon), by tiny hands, soft, soft, soft on my cheeks, holding my face gently and a wide open baby mouth landing square on my lips. "mwah, mwah, mwah" Gage said as he kissed me again and again until I picked him up and squeezed him.

These moments are the kind of moments that are so beautiful that they hurt. They split your mothering heart open wide with the ache of love.

My friend Christina recently wrote a piece titled "Dear Friends Who Have No Children" and she begins it by saying:

"Dear friends who have no children,

Do not be led to believe the RAMPANT FALLACY that kids will fit nicely into your life.

They will NOT.

They will TAKE OVER IT.

Parenting is a FULL TIME OCCUPATION.

Further on, she says:

"Children are the joy of life. But childbirth, childcare, and childEVERYTHING are one giant act of sacrifice.
The same way we surrender ourselves to love, to partnership, to faith, we surrender ourselves to parenthood, leaving behind the tidy shelves, careers, and ideas we had about how our lives might unfold." (Read the rest here)

I was thinking about Christina's words as I laid in bed with Corwyn tonight. The gratitude I feel as I hold my healthy, beautiful son in my arms coexists uncomfortably with overwhelming frustration. It's pretty clear that Christina is frustrated by the all-consuming nature of parenting small humans. I know that I am. As much as I love being a mother at home with her children, I also feel trapped, isolated, stagnant. This causes me to feel guilt-ridden, and then angry and resentful. My "job" right now is to raise tiny little humans into adults that I hope will be compassionate, forgiving, generous, loving, open-mined, Jesus-following, injustice-fighting, pro-choice, earth-protecting, kind, cool, brave, feminist, creative, beautiful, bold and secure. That's a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. I have these two wide-eyed, impressionable humans on my hands every single day and I get to mold them however I want. It's the opportunity of a life time, right?

And yet, some days I'm bored. Because playing cars and trains and finger painting is boring. As is reading the three word per page picture book about airplanes over and over again forty one times in one day. And seriously, if I have to put together that f***ing Larry Boy puzzle again, I will throw it through the window. Diaper changing is not glamorous, and neither is waking up five (or eight or twelve) times in a night to tend to a baby (or a preschooler).

Some days, my patience is stretched so thin that I can see right through it, and on the other side, I see the impatient, yelling mother that I could be, but never want to be, the mother I pray that I will not ever become. Because these fragile little people do not deserve that.

I was raised to be ambitious. My parents homeschooled me, investing thousands of hours teaching me to be a critical thinker, to study, read, devour information. I was taught to aim high, to dream, to aspire and to work hard.

I was also taught to clean the house, bake bread and other home-making skills. I started babysitting at age 12. I never doubted that I would be a wife and mother.

And here I am, a wife and mother. The thing I always knew I would be. I love my children. I am grateful that I was easily able to conceive and birth my babies hale and hearty into the world. I think I should be satisfied. I think I should be joy-filled and content. But I am not. I have business dreams, creative ideas, aspirations and ambitions. And right now, I get to change diapers.

Oh, I could put my kids into daycare and tromp off and do the things I want to do, but I actually made a choice to be a stay at home mother. This was my liberated woman, feminist CHOICE to stay home with my children. I have to remind myself of that on the bad days. I chose to be here. I am a stay at home feminist breeder. Hear me roar.

I don't play the mommy wars. I don't judge my choice to stay at home as better than another mother's choice to work. It sucks to be a mother who works - I've been one, so I know, and it sucks to be a mother who stays home - I am one, so I know. Both paths have their blessings and burdens. As mothers, we do what we need to do, make the choices that are right for each of our families. No matter what we do, it is hard.

I believe the human condition to be one of always desiring something more, something greater. Finding contentment and choosing gratitude in the place that I am in is a challenge, a direction to always be aiming towards. I'm not there yet.

I used to wear suits and pointy-toed heels, and I felt good. Now, I barely get to shower and none of my pointy-toed shoes fit thanks to pregnancy permanently enlarging my feet. I used to go out socially nearly every night of the week. Now, most weeks I don't go more than one block from my house, and adult socialization is rare and usually on the phone. I struggle with feelings of extreme isolation, of thwarted ambition, of creativity stagnating for lack of time.

When I worked, I struggled with how busy my life was, how little time it seemed I had with my son and my husband. But when I was at work, I was productive, I left the building feeling that I had accomplished something, that I was useful and more than "just a mother". I did good work. But the guilt I felt as I dropped my son off at his daycare, the tears he cried cut into my heart and left me aching all day long. I quit my job and chose to stay home and be "only" a mother.

And in being "only" a mother I experience so much joy, I am able to catch each and every spontaneous kiss, cute moment, milestone and achievement of my children. For this I am grateful, and blessed. And yet, as I wade through laundry and dishes and diapers, I also long for those pointy-toed heels, for the time to sew, paint and create, for the freedom to be with women as they birth.

There are no easy outs, or answers. Just moments of exquisite joy, and moments of agonizing frustration. For many years now, my mantra has been "good is good enough". It is good to be where I am, but I am struggling with the "good enough" part. I need to breathe. To be present. To choose gratitude. And sometimes - like right now - even immediately after placing kisses in the palm of my son's hand - those things are hard to do.

SAD PANDA

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Sun, 08 May 2011 18:02:00 +0000

For Mothers Day, my children decided to celebrate by having strep. Then they rubbed their snot in their noses and gave themselves eye infections.

When we tried to take Corwyn to the clinic, we found that it had unexpectedly closed early for an unknown reason, (ahem, half an hour before a playoff game) so we had to take him to Urgent Care at the hospital. (which was completely empty with no wait, thanks to the aforementioned game)

Poor sad panda quietly complied with all the poking and prodding and only brightened slightly when a nurse brought him a juice box (big treat in our house) He is now on super nasty tasting antibiotics and is recovering.

Meet Eye Infection Baby. He's cute and contagious.

Blogging will resume shortly. If I can keep my kid's snot out of my eyes.

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT: MILK JUG GARDEN CLOCHES

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 13:05:00 +0000

So...I love garden magazines, even though mine will never be in one, and I always see these beautiful glass garden cloches. They are like mini green houses that create a bubble of warmth for your seedling and protect them from pests, like slugs and snails (or neighborhood feral cat colonies in our case). However, at $30 -$70 per cloche, that's a bit steep for our limited means.

Last year, we had a dozen lovely cucumber seedlings that succumbed to cold, slugs and cat trampling. This was very sad, and we swore it would never happen again. A few months ago. we started saving our milk jugs. We have a nice little collection now. Yup, we kept all those milk jugs on the side of our house. Ghetto is the name of the game around here.

This week, I cut the bottoms off of a few of them, not pretty, I just hacked off the bottoms with the garden scissors.

and I set out my sunflower seedlings. Aren't they cute? Corwyn planted them and watched them grow on the kitchen windowsill.

We plant sunflowers in a bed at the front of our house, and I put a cloche over each one. They keep toasty warm in there! Not only do cloches allow you to set things out earlier, they protect your tender seedlings from slugs and snails. We have the added problem of feral cats, which will trample, nap on, dig up generally destroy small plants, so the cloches protect plants from kitties too!

If you plant milk jugs, can you grow a cow?

GRANDPA IS HERE!

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 06:26:00 +0000

First off, I'd like to apologize for my lacking blogging. I have had sick children for about five weeks. This has sucked. Not only am I really, really tired of putting children into headlocks so that I can wipe their noses, but also, sleep has been an elusive thing. Oh sleep, how I miss you. With sick children, I basically haven't left my house, except for a a day or so here and there between the consecutive illnesses since the beginning of March. Oh, outside world, how I miss you.

Gage was particularly sick, verging on pneumonia and the poor little guy had to go on antibiotics. Corwyn has never had antibiotics in his life, and Gage had to have them before he was even six months old. That was sad. He also hated them and had to be restrained and force-fed the meds. This has caused him to be quite resistant to my attempts to feed him solids, he seems to associate any non-breast object in the vicinity of his mouth as a great threat.

However, we are healthy now, and the garden is growing and the smiles are abundant, and joy of great joy, Grandpa and Uncle Carter are visiting for an entire week from Ontario. Uncle Carter is six years old, and Corwyn is so excited to follow "Untle Tarter" around and have a friend to play with.

Gage is happy to be in his Grandpa's arms for the very first time!

A HAIKU FOR YOU

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 01:34:00 +0000

up to my elbows

in baby snot, boogers and fevers

no blogging for me this week

IN WHICH I GO HMMMMM, BUT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING (AKA A PATTERN REVIEW FOR THE SEW LIBERATED LOLA APRON)

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 13:17:00 +0000

I wrote this months ago, and completely forgot about it until today....when I saw that Sew Liberated is having a sale. Woo hoo!

So...I am a big fan of this blog. The author of the blog, Meg McElwee, also wrote a book, that I own and love, and she makes sewing patterns for lovely things. So I bought one of her patterns, because it looked amazing. The pattern is this one: the Lola Apron. (go on and look, it is super cute!) I got it months ago, but it sat on the shelf until just before Christmas, when I opened it up, and read the instructions, and I went "hmmm". So then I pulled out my Googling skills to see if anybody else on the interwebz had made this thing, and it seems that maybe not that many people had made it and also wrote about it on the net, because there were only a couple of pictures in the Flickr group for it, and one review. That one review didn't really help me a whole lot. So I read the instructions again, and I still felt "hmmmmmm" (yes, it was a longer hmmm the second time around.)

My friends and family think I am an amazing sewer. This is because I only make really, very, extremely easy things and they always turn out looking awesome. I am not an awesome sewer. I can sew straight lines pretty well. So I make lots of thing with straight lines and they work out and I appear talented - but my secret is that it's not talent - just straight lines. When I read the instructions to this apron, it looked hard - hence my "hmmmmm-ing". Maybe too hard for me and my sneakily appearing to be awesome, but not actually advanced at all sewing skills. The reason I finally opened Lola apron pattern was because I decided that I was going to make two aprons, one for my sister and one for a dear friend for their Christmas presents. I had already bought the fabric and it was already December something or other. I didn't really have any other ideas. So I decided that I would just dive in, and take notes as I went along, and do my own pattern review so that if anybody else was in my shoes, they could find my review too, and then there would two reviews and a few more pictures (you can click on the pictures to make them bigger). This isn't a sponsored review, just me and my thoughts on a pattern I purchased myself.

Now, the reason this pattern made me go "hmmmm", was because when I looked the instructions over, all I seemed to see were words like "french seam" and things that did not make sense in my head like sewing wrong sides together (instead of right sides like you usually do). And lots of curvy bits. Curves are outside of my straight line comfort zone. But I cut out all my pieces, and dove in, meticulously following each step of the (actually very nice and clear) directions and hey - that French Seam was only three inches long, and now I know how to do a French Seam and THEY ARE AWESOME. Woo!

And then the whole sewing the wrong sides together thing? That turned out magically too - once you put the bias tape on, and sew it down, you get these really amazing, flat seams which are completely encased in bias tape so you don't have any raw edges anywhere. I was in awe. I felt like an amazing sewer. Probably all the truly amazing sewers out there are going "duh, that's old news" but for me, it was new and cool and I felt like I learned a new skill and now think bias tape is way cooler than I thought it was before.

Now...there is a lot of top stitching, so it took a while, because most of the seams you end up essentially sewing at least two, if not three times, because first you sew the seam, then you sew the bias tape on, then you top stitch the bias tape. Phew! But it looks fantastic. It is't a "quick and dirty" sort of project like I usually do. It's the "meticulous, takes a little while sort" of project, but I was so extremely pleased with the finished product, and how every single step of the instructions just came together into something wonderful, even when it didn't make sense in my head, but when I followed the directions - it just worked.

The curvy bits on the ties

One tip that isn't in the instructions - the ties have bias tape all around them, and the ends are curved (I don't do curves, remember?). This looked like it was going to be tricky sewing, and because I don't like tricky sewing, I took a cue from the directions for the round pockets that recommended steam pressing the circle of bias tape before sewing, and I steam pressed the bias tape around the curve of the tie, and sewing it was easy as pie.

Serendipitously, when I did my sister's apron, the bias tape on the top of the tie matched up exactly with the last strip of bias tape trim on the bib of the apron, creating an effect of the line going straight across, which I really, liked. I'll be doing that on purpose for all future aprons I make, I think.

I made both aprons out of 1930's reproduction prints from RJR's Everything But The Kitchen Sink collection that I ordered from the Fat Quarter Shop.

The trims on my sister's apron

Trims on Anne's apron

With my sister's apron, I used ready-made bias tape in pink, and then used trims that I had on hand - vintage, handmade lace from my grandmother, purple grosgrain ribbon, and some cute white dot trim that someone had tied around a present for me a long time ago and I had been saving for just the right project. I ended up ripping the second trim off the pockets, because I didn't quite like how it looked, with all the spots it was a bit too busy, it looked better simpler. With Anne's apron, I used ready-made black and red bias tape, black rick-rack and the same vintage hand-made lace I used on my sister's apron - except that I dyed it red to match the apron.

Summary: all my insecure hmmming was for naught. The Sew Liberated Lola apron was not tricky at all - it came together beautifully, and the finished product is both lovely and practical - with all the encased seams, it will wash and dry well.

Headless ~~horseman~~ sister

Anne's apron

My face hurt after I was done sewing this, because I literally could not stop smiling the whole time I was sewing this. It just made me happy how it easily it came together and how nice it was. It also gave me a lot more confidence in my sewing ability - because, hey! I can follow directions, clever me. I'll be making more of these for sure. They are kind of addicting, actually! Next up is one for myself, using a vintage sheet I picked up a thrift store, trimmed with some bias tape I'm making myself and some more of that vintage, hand made lace from my grandmother.

When I was sewing these aprons, I was smiling, but I was also thinking about the fact the lovely woman who designed them was pregnant with a little boy with a heart defect. I thought about them, and the fear and hope that must have intermingled painfully in that family's hearts as they waited for this baby to be born. I prayed for them. A lot. And now, that baby, Lachlan, has been born and is home and doing well...and it's because of this, and the fact that they have many medical bills to pay - that all Sew Liberated patterns are 10 -40% off.

So...hop on over to Sew Liberated and pick yourself up a Lola Apron pattern because Meg is having a SALE! And make yourself a beautiful apron to keep you clean and tidy when you're in your kitchen. And, because this pattern was so great, I'm about to place an order for some of Meg's other patterns, (this, and this and this) because I imagine her other patterns are as great as the Lola Apron. Not to mention the fact that they are on sale until the end of the month of April . Hurrah!

THE BOYS GO CAMPING

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 14:07:00 +0000

Have I mentioned that I have ongoing problems with hard-drives and networks and stuff that makes it difficult for me get pictures off my camera and somewhere that I save and edit them? Or just save them, that would be a start. Well I do. I need a magic IT guy to come over and fix all my networking and hard-drive formatting troubles. I used to work at this company that had this amazing IT guy who spoke only in mumbles and was impossible to understand, but could always fix everything and make everything work. I want him for my own personal IT use for a day.

The reason I'm complaining about that is because I have all these super great pictures that languish unpublished on my camera. I feel kind of bad blogging about things that happened two weeks ago, as if you might say in some Valley Girl voice "OMG Avital, that's so two weeks ago!" Well, it was two weeks ago, but it was still awesome.

Chris and a friend took Corwyn camping for the weekend. Although you can't tell from this picture, Corwyn has never been so excited about anything ever. I know, his eyes are half shut. This one was better than the three other ones where his eyes are completely shut. Also, he's eating an apple, which if you know Corwyn, it's pretty hard to find a moment in his life where he is NOT eating an apple. He would only eat apples if I let him. I have to keep the apples on top of the fridge where he cannot reach them, no matter how many chairs he moves and tries to stack on top of each other. The kids loves apples. Anyways, back to camping. Corwyn had a great time. The guys did too.

A friend of ours got these little camp chairs personalized as the very best ever birthday party favours for her son's birthday party. Corwyn had only used it a few times, but was so thrilled to be able to bring it and have a camp chair just like Papa's. I can't even believe how cute this picture is. I want to blow it up giant and frame it on my wall.

When I look at the picture above, I think about the old adage "it takes a village to raise a child" and how fortunate we are to have such good friends who help create wonderful memories with my son.

My husband spent the last year working for a man that he often describes as the "poorest rich man he knows". This man has more money than he could possibly spend. But he has no friends, and a dysfunctional family. I look at these pictures of the wonderful time my husband and son had with their friend, and I am grateful for the richness of friendships that we have in our life. We may be poor, but wow! are we rich!

Funny story - Chris asked me to pack a bag for Corwyn with pajamas, changes of clothes etc. I got the bag back completely un-touched. Corwyn came back completely filthy, he played, slept and played some more in the clothes I sent him out the door in. Now that's some real manly man camping.

A CELEBRATORY GIVEAWAY WINNER

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 05:33:00 +0000

Well, as mentioned in my previous post, I did leave the house today, after washing my hair in the sink, and we enjoyed the glorious sunshine, and the library where Corwyn picked out his ten books, and I picked out two. We also went to our favourite thrift store where Corwyn found a Larry Boy puzzle for seventy five cents and I found a metal one hole punch for fifty cents and it was a good day.

And so, without further ado...the winner of the Celebratory Give-Away is

The twenty-third comment was left by Mama Lake of Life As A Lake. Congratulations! I peeked through her blog, and discovered that she makes her own shampoo. My kind of lady. She's also a doula, so I'm sure that she'll be putting these cards to very good use, one way or another! Mama Lake, please email me your mailing address and I will pop your package into the mail for you.

VERY BAD PARENT

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 20:36:00 +0000

Have you ever been to the grocery store late at night and seen parents with small children there? And when you see these small children have you thought, "what kind of Very Bad Parent takes their children grocery shopping at 10.30 pm, those kids should be bed!" I've had that thought. In a past life. But judge not, lest you be judged. Now I know the kind of Very Bad Parent that takes their baby and their three year old to Superstore at 10.30 at night is me. Embrace reality Avital, you never know what kind of day you're going have.

This morning, I was in an especially groggy state, because late night grocery shopping also means late night bed times, and children still seem to wake up at un-godly hours, no matter what time you put them to bed, and so I poured the last of the coffee left in the pot into my mug and heated it up, and as I watched it spin around in the microwave (which I usually never use because I think microwaves are evil, so this proves to you my desperation for caffeine) I thought back to when the coffee was made, and realized that the coffee was not made by Chris this morning, and we didn't make coffee at all yesterday, so it must be from the day before. I drank that two day old coffee anyways. And it was good.

Did you know, that unless you get up before your children do (which is something I'm completely incapable of doing) you don't get to shower very often, or, who are we kidding? Really, you don't get to shower ever. I thought you'd like to know that. Because my Very Bad Parenting is confined to taking my children to grocery stores three hours after their bed time, and not extended to leaving my two children relatively unattended while I wash myself. Crazy, I know, but I don't put my baby at risk of suffiction from his brother's affections while I blissfully wash my hair. I consider it daily, but haven't had the courage or desperation to actually do it yet. Why am I telling you this? Because it is my blog, and I really, really want a shower, but I don't get one.

Look! Corwyn is the cutest puppy ever. I modified this hat for his Halloween costume and I never took the ears off, and yesterday he wanted to wear it. He let me take one picture of him, and this was it:

I love it when I have one chance to get a picture and it actually works out.

Today is a truly beautiful day and so I am heading out into the wide world. I think I'm going to quickly wash my hair in the sink though, because I do have a little bit of self-respect and currently, the state of my hair crosses that self-respect boundary. I'm going to be a Very Good Parent and take my children to the library where Corwyn will pick out as many books as he has fingers.

Oh yeah, I'll draw the winner for my give-away when I get back. So if you haven't entered yet, this is your last chance.

JUST ONE PICTURE

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 19:13:00 +0000

My house is currently a complete disaster zone, thanks to a busy weekend and sick children. Poor Gage has been on antibiotics for a week and is finally showing signs of improvement, last night he slept for six hours, a gift to this tired mama who has been up with him every two hours for the last few weeks.

This is my growing boy, asleep in his nest as we played and worked in the garden yesterday. We've been making this a habit, tucking Gage into his cozy little stroller bunting bag, and he dozes off in the sunshine and breathes fresh air as he sleeps. Corwyn and I busy ourselves in the garden, playing or digging out weeds, looking at earthworms and getting our daily dose of vitamin D.

I'll be drawing a winner for my give-away tomorrow - so if you haven't commented yet, make sure you take a minute to head over HERE and enter.

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT: GROWING POTATOES

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 22:27:00 +0000

We grew potatoes for the first time last year, and we sort of screwed them up, and still got a pretty good harvest, so I expect this year we should get loads more. We planted three kinds this week, and this is how we do it.

Pictured above are the three kinds of potatoes we planted: Banana Fingerling, Yukon Gold and Russian Blue. I love the Russian Blue - they are actually a really beautiful shade of purple and are so delicious and fun to eat. We get all our potatoes and seeds from West Coast Seeds, a really amazing local company that we love.

We got our tires for free from the heap of used tires at a Tireland. We asked before we took them, and the owner was very happy to give us tires to use for gardening as they would otherwise have made it to the landfill. Chris took the saws-all and cut out the sidewalls to leave more room for growing, but you don't have to do this.

We put one tire down and fill it with about four or five inches of soil, we plant four or five potatoes per tire. The potatoes from West Coast Seeds come already "chitted" which is fancy potato speak for having little sprouts on them like the potatoes that have sat in your cupboard for too long. Plant them with the chits pointing upwards.

Then, we cover them up with a few inches of soil. When they sprout and are a several inches high, we'll add another tire and add another few inches of soil, leaving about half of the sprouted height still exposed. As they grow, we'll repeat this until our stack is four tires high.

I've mentioned that we have a colony of feral cats living across the street from us, and they really enjoy using our garden beds as litter boxes, so we have to keep all our beds covered with mesh of some sort to protect them. We saved the sidewalls of the tires to weigh the mesh we cover our tire stacks with. When the plants are bigger, we remove the mesh and the cats don't seem to want to use them when they are full of plants.

You could basically do this technique in a large pot as well, just plant the potato in a few inches of soil in the bottom and gradually fill the pot as the potato plant grows. The reason why you want to do this, is because the potato sends up a tuber, and all the growth of new potatoes happens ABOVE the seed potato. So you really want to enable that tuber to be nice and long so you'll get a good crop of potatoes. You can harvest the potatoes at various stages, digging down a few inches on the top of your tire will give you small nugget potatoes, and then when the plant is dead and you're ready to harvest them all, you'll have larger ones at the bottom, but you'll have been eating smaller ones for quite a while. It works well.

And that is how and why we grow potatoes in tires. (we got the idea from the best ever urban gardening book called The Urban Homestead. We highly recommend it for anyone who wants to start gardening in an urban environment). I'll post pictures as they grow and let you know how big our harvest is at the end of the season.

FISHTASTIC

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:15:00 +0000

This sat on my front walkway for two days.

Jealous aren't you? Yeah, that's what I thought. I could have lived without it too. Corwyn enjoyed it however, because it was a magnet for the 30 odd feral cats that live across the street from our house. I threw the beer can there for it's classiness, I mean perspective, so you can see how big the carcass is in relation to the can.

In case you are curious as to why we had a fish carcass on our sidewalk for two days, I will tell you. I'm pretty sure the mailman would like to know too. And the guy that delivers our diaper service.

As I was coming home on Thursday afternoon, I pushed my stroller around the corner just in time to see my husband clamber up into our neighbour's fishing boat that was parked in front of our house. (What? you don't have fishing boats parked in front of your house? You haven't lived.) I watched as Chris reached down into the floor of the boat and pull up the largest fish carcass I had ever seen. He held it up to show me and then disappeared up our stairs and around the hedge with it. He came down to help me get the stroller up the stairs and when we got the top, I saw the fish skeleton lying on our sidewalk.

Chris began exclaiming over the awesomeness of the fish carcass. I looked on in wide-eyed wonder. "What's it for honey?" I asked him.

"They caught it for crab bait, and they cut the fillets off, and they were just going to throw this out!" In my head, I thought this was probably the appropriate action to take, but I said "what are you going to do with it?" He said "Honey! It's dinner!"

um yeah.

Turns out, because they were just using it for bait, they hadn't done a very good job filleting it, and it had been on ice since it was caught only a few hours before, and there was a lot of meat left, which my husband baked up very deliciously. So once I got over its origins, we had a very nice dinner of halibut and potatoes. (Just to clarify, the pictures are after two days of attention by the elements and the neighbour cats, it actually didn't look that bad when Chris first got it, because it was really, really fresh)

And now, our version of American Gothic:

Reservation Gothic

We're classy like that.

A CELEBRATORY GIVEAWAY

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 20:32:00 +0000

This week, I made a few small ripples on the internet with my "How To Be The Best Post-Partum Visitor In 15 Minutes or Less" I was very surprised to see it suddenly skyrocket in hits and get tweeted and linked to and facebooked all over the place. So, in appreciation of all my new visitors and followers, I am hosting a little contest.

This New Mom's Stress Survivor Kit was given to me after the birth of my first son, and it's time to pass it, and its helpful little hints, mantras and encouragements on.

This is a great gift for a new mom (you know, when you go and visit her on your 15 minutes or less visit!), or the cards are great for doulas or childbirth educators to put out for conversation or teaching pieces with parents-to-be.

The contest is open to North American addresses and you can have up to three entries - a separate comment is required for each entry
First Entry: Just leave a comment!
Second Entry: If you aren't a follower of my blog yet, click the "Follow" button on the right and leave another comment letting me know that you did. If you are already a follower, leave a comment letting me know that you are.
Third Entry: Post about the contest on your blog, facebook or twitter, and leave me a comment letting me know that you did so.

I'll pick a winner with Random.org on Friday, April 7th.

Good luck!

BABYWEARING BOY

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 05:28:00 +0000

Did you know what the hot new accessory for teen and pre-teen boys is?

It's a baby boy in a Beco Butterfly II! My friend's 11 year old and 15 year old were both thrilled to wear Gage around the Vancouver Aquarium today.

GARDEN GARDEN

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 00:03:00 +0000

So, I had grand ambitions of chronicling our garden growing last year, but that did not happen. We planted stuff and then due to my pregnancy and Chris's insanely long work hours for an insane man, we neglected our poor garden. Before the neglecting started, Chris installed a pretty fancy irrigation system, so we could just turn one tap and pretty much water the whole garden. That meant that even though we neglected it, the garden still grew stuff for us to eat. Which was awesome.

We actually did a whole lot last year before the neglecting started. We built four 2'x12' beds and planted twenty 3-year old blueberry bushes in two of the beds, filled one of other beds with strawberry plants, and the fourth one we filled with raspberry bushes. We were able to purchase all of these plants and bushes for ridiculously good prices off craigslist. We prowl the farm&garden section like crazy vultures and pounce on good deals. Our other score last year was asparagus plants - two year old asparagus plants to be exact. If you know anything about asparagus, it takes two years to mature before you can harvest it. So this year, we should have a rocking asparagus patch. We did a little look-see and the bed is just bursting with roots, so hopefully we'll get a good crop.

However, after that initial burst of planting, we threw a couple carrot seeds, some onions, a few squash, one cucumber plant survived the slugs, our peas all died for some mysterious reason, our beans did amazing, and we had more lettuce and parsley than we could eat. And there were weeds. A lot, a lot, a lot of weeds.

This year, we have ambitions of actually tending our garden throughout the entire growing season, and seeing as I can kneel and squat without needing to be pulled up by a crane like I did when I was pregnant, it seems fairly likely that our ambitions will come to fruition. Sorry, that pun was too easy to resist.

The blueberry trees are budding

We've already begun work, weeding (oh my lord is there a lot of weeding to do) and tilling beds, and we have planted some cold-friendly crops such as Asian greens and kale under a cold-frame. This week we'll start planting seeds in our big cold frame that we grow our tomatoes in. (our tomatoes? who am I kidding, those tomatoes are Chris's. All Chris's. He checks on them in the middle of the night. He LOVES his tomato plants. He touches them more affectionately than he touches me. Just kidding. sort of) Anyways...we'll start our seeds this week, using these great seed starters from Lee Valley

Our garden consists of

two 2'x12' beds with 4 year old blueberry trees
one 2'x12' bed of strawberries
one 2'x12' bed of raspberries
one 4'x4' bed of 3 year old asparagus
one 4'x4' bed of truly hot and spicy horseradish from my grandmother's garden
nine 4'x8' beds for various and sundry vegetables
two 2'x12' beds for other various and sundry vegetables
one 3x6 bed for various and sundry vegetables
six stacks of tires for growing potatoes
a whole lot of small pots and window boxes with herbs and flowers
a bathtub full of Moroccan mint

which, if you were counting, all totals up to about 500 square feet of garden. Which is a lot of garden, and a lot of work, but so, so worth it! If you want to know about or see anything particular, leave a comment and I will oblige.

RANDOM PICTURES FROM MY IPHONE

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 13:34:00 +0000

I have the Hipstamatic app, and I LOVE it.

Here some pictures I took with it recently.

Corwyn's Sandasaurus

This looks far, far worse than it actually was. Although Chris did tell me I was evil for taking this picture.

Corwyn called this the "peek-a-boo tree"

Gage is a very happy boy in his Jolly Jumper.

Double Sleepiness

HOW TO BE THE BEST POST PARTUM VISITOR IN 15 MINUTES OR LESS

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 13:17:00 +0000

Have a friend who had a baby and you're on the roster to drop off a meal? Here's everything they want you to know and do, but are too shy and polite to say and ask.

They are tired. Breastfeeding is still awkward and having people around makes it more awkward. The mother is recovering physically, either from a surgical birth, or from the equivalent of a triathlon where the prize was a grapefuit sized head flying out of her vagina. Either of these things makes you sore and tired. They would like to see you, but don't want to be tired out by a long visit. You are not going to stay longer than 15 minutes, no matter how polite the parents are in saying you can stay longer. If your visit/meal drop off scheduled for 5.30. BE ON TIME. Make plans for 6:15 so that you HAVE to leave.

Before you walk in the door, put your game face on. Set a timer, on your phone or watch for 15 minutes. When it goes off, get out of there! Remember that you are going to be a quiet, productive blessing. This visit is NOT about you. It is not about the parents hosting you and putting on a cup of tea so you can sit and visit and hold the baby. Think about how you would feel if you had either had surgery or ran a triathlon. What would you want people to do for you? This visit is about blessing the parents and making their life a little bit easier. Your prize is getting a quick peek at the cute new human.

Here's how to play out your 15 minute visit:

1. Bring a healthy meal. Include a salad or fresh vegetables. Only use disposable dishes. There is nothing more annoying than

a) having to wash more dishes when you have a new baby

and

b) having to try to return dishes to all sorts of random people when you have a new baby

2. In addition to your meal, bring cut up veggies and fruit, unsalted trail mix or nuts, or other such healthy snacks for daytime munching for mom to eat while she's nursing.

3. Go into the kitchen and spend 5 minutes clearing off a counter, washing a sink-full of dishes, loading the dishwasher etc. Don't ask permission, just do it. Then set the table for their dinner.

4. Before you leave your house, put some paper towels and some powdered bathroom cleaner like Commet or Ajax in a baggie. Stick it in your purse. While you are at the house, go and use the washroom...and while in there do a three minute bathroom shine-up, using your paper towels and cleaner.

5. Coo over the baby, but wash your hands before touching it.

6. If they want to eat right then, heat the food up and put it on the table, give everybody kisses and then leave.

7. Take the garbage out when you go.

In and out. This will be the best visit the parents will have had. They will love you and you will be awesome in their books forever. You can come back and have a longer visit when the parents have adjusted to their new normal.

*************
Edited to add:
March 31, 2011

So this really crazy thing happened. A week ago, I had an idea to make a quick and easy list of suggestions for people visiting friends after they had a new baby. I was sitting on the couch and told my husband my idea and we brainstormed the list and I posted it on my blog and shared the link on my facebook. A few days later, I looked at my stats and noticed that my little post-partum list had 2,000 hits. Which totally blew me away, because my blog is small and humble and I threw my post together in only a few minutes. Anyways, it turns out that 2,000 hits isn't that many at all, because as I type this, I'm just a few hundred hits away from 20,000, which, wow! is quite a lot, and makes me sort of embarrassed and wish that I put a little more thought into how I worded this piece...but it is what it is and it obviously resonates with enough people that a couple of thousand of them felt compelled to share it on their facebook. (Thank you very much for sharing it, my new friends!)

Considering how many people are reading this, I'd like to add three things to this post. First of all, I'd like to say that what I really wanted to communicate is that post-partum visitors need to have an unselfish, service-oriented attitude when going to visit the parents and their new baby. Personally, I'd be thrilled if someone loaded my dishwasher or shined up my bathroom, and left after 15 minutes but many people have commented that this would make them really uncomfortable and others have said that they would want and need more visiting time. So, I'd like to add:

Be sensitive to the needs of the new parents. Serve them, but don't embarrass or overwhelm them.

Secondly, take the time to read the comments below. People have been sharing some really great ideas, personal experiences and stories. A few ideas in the comments really stuck out to me as being awesome and so I want to put them here, in the main post:

Come back when the baby is a few weeks old for a longer visit and help where you are needed. A large number of people commented that they have a large influx of support in the first few weeks and then it totally dries up. I have also found this to be very true, and now, when my friends have babies, I tell them I will bring them a meal and come visit after the other parent has returned to work and the other friends have stopped bringing meals. Many mothers get quite lonely and feel very isolated after the first few weeks and all the visitors have stopped.
Bringing a small gift for the older sibling(s). One person did this for my older son when my baby was born, and he was so thrilled. It was a very small and inexpensive gift, but it really made him feel special. It was also mentioned that taking the older siblings to the park or on an outing for an hour or two might be appreciated - both by the children and the parents!
Leave off the perfume. New babies and mothers are very sensitive to scent, and if you are wearing perfume and hold the baby the baby absorbs that scent like a sponge. I personally hate it when someone holds my baby and he comes back drenched in their perfume, and I imagine that it must be very overwhelming for the baby to lose the scent of their mother because their nose is overwhelmed with the smell of a stranger .
Someone suggested putting a list of chores that visitors can help with on the fridge. This is such a wonderful idea and really address the concern that some people had about the idea of other people cleaning their homes being uncomfortable or intrusive.
If you do bring in a cleaning product, be sure that it isn't something that is going to cause allergies or break non-toxic rules the family might have. In the same vein of being environmentally friendly, you might want to pick up a thrift store dish for the meal that the family can either keep or donate as they wish, rather than disposable containers.

And finally, something I said in the comments but I'll repeat here, is that our North American culture in general, is not good at supporting new families, and the fact that guests frequently overstay their welcome when the baby is just a few hours or days old, and then mothers are tired and alone when the baby is a few weeks or months old is a clear reflection of how we need to recognize, educate and organize ourselves and our friends to provide better post-partum support to new parents.

I HAVE ONLY TWO PRAYERS

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 22:41:00 +0000

In her book "Traveling Mercies", Anne Lamott says that the two best prayers she knows are "thank you, thank you, thank you" and "help me, help me, help me".

I can tell you that this morning, when I came down the stairs after a night of broken sleep, and saw that Chris had made a large bodum of hot coffee, and I filled my favourite china cup with the brew, the prayer of gratitude, the "thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus for coffee" was truly, truly heartfelt and sincerely worshipful.

I can assure that the "help me, help me, help me" that I breathed as my three-year-old screamed and tried to hit me when I took my iphone away from him this afternoon was equally heartfelt.

While Anne Lamott claims that "help me" and "thank you" are the best prayers that she knows, it seems to me, in this season of my life, that they are ONLY prayers I know. Before marriage, and before children, I had an hour long date in a coffee shop every single morning with a journal, Bible and a devotional. My spiritual life and practices at that time seemed to have a depth, vitality and complexity that I can only look back at in wonder. That place in my life is so far removed from my daily reality at the present that it almost feels like it happened to someone else.

As I go about my day, I am aware of the lightness that I live in. If you have not experienced depression and anxiety, you cannot really understand the smothering darkness that can occur within one's mind. Because I have experienced it, I am very, very aware of its absence in my life. When I was pregnant with Gage, I was terrified that I would repeat the nightmare of PTSD and post-partum depression I experienced after Corwyn was born. But by the grace of God, I have not, and I walk through my days, through tired mornings, three-year-old temper tantrums, piles of laundry, sticky floors and overflowing sinks full of dishes, with a sense of gratitude for the fact that I am NOT depressed.

That gratitude feels like the sum of the whole of my faith these days.

I am someone who spent years serving a church in a leadership capacity, who had it drilled into my head and my heart that you must spend time in the Bible daily in order to have a "real" relationship with Jesus. I don't do that anymore. I can't even wash the dishes daily for crying out loud. And because of these things, I often feel like a failure, as a Christian, as a mother.

I do pick up my Bible from time to time. But it has left me frustrated. The connection, the life and vitality that I used to find in those pages isn't there for me anymore.

I spoke with a friend about these things recently, and found that I am not alone. I am not the only mother, the only woman, the only Christian, who feels that my church experiences and current place in life have left my faith cracked and fragile. I am glad to know that I am not the only one who tries to find hope and goodness and encouragement in the Bible and comes back dry. I am glad that I am not the only one that keeps trying, keeps believing, keeps hoping and keeps following, in spite of the lack of "feeling".

Since those daily coffee shop devotions a life time ago, a long string of events have happened. Things that have shaped, transformed, shaken and strengthened my faith. What I believe about God and about following him used to be very black and white. It isn't anymore. All those events, that string of life-happening-moments brings me to this moment here right now, watching my oldest son wave a flag while listening to "Wavin' Flag" on repeat, and I think, "as I get older, I know I am weaker" and I look at my life and all the beauty that it holds and I am so, so, so grateful.

In my gratitude, there is faith and hope. It is all that I have, and right now, it is enough.

WORDS ESCAPE ME

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 17:18:00 +0000

I had plans for this morning. Plans that included uploading pictures from my finally properly formatted hard drive. Plans to write about my husband's birthday, and post pictures of Corwyn and Gage. So I made coffee and set out a puzzle for Corwyn to work on and sat down and opened up my laptop and did the obligatory facebook check, and within seconds became aware of the news of the devastation in Japan. A link over to BBC and breathtaking images- in the horrible, shocking, terror type of breathtaking way - flood the screen and all I can think of as I watch the tsunami sweep away houses, roads, farms, boats and lives...is how unfairly privileged I am.

As I watch my children play quietly on the floor in front of me, I am overwhelmed with grief for the families whose homes and peace and children have been swept away in terror. All I have in this moment is tears and prayer. And I wonder, truly, as I look at the images of devastation, what my little prayer does, and where God is in the midst of disaster.

My pictures and life of privileged blogging will have to wait for another day.

WHAT I HAVE

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 18:51:00 +0000

I have two computers with full hard-drives and three external hard-drives that have various formatting issues that make transferring/saving/accessing files difficult or impossible. I have several failed attempts at setting up a wireless network that will allow us to share files between hard drives and computers. I have a memory card in my camera full of pictures that I would love to upload and blog about, and I have no hard drive space to do so. I have not a lot of time to resolve these issues, which causes me to have a lot of frustration directed towards my electronic equipment.

And that is why I have not been blogging recently.

NOT MY BABY BUT....

noreply@blogger.com (Avital) — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 20:03:00 +0000

This is not my baby, but she is so cute, that I have to show her off. My dear friend asked me to take some newborn pictures of her daughter Cadence. It was a lot of fun to do a little shoot with such a sweet and sleepy baby. Isn't she cute?

I'm not really a baby person. But when people I love have babies...well, I love those babies a lot.