There is No Cure for Curiosity

Outsider Looking In... Again

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 21:00:00 +0000

Always on the outside looking in, that's me. I'd like to say it doesn't bother me, but it would be telling lies and I must not tell lies. I hate that I feel somewhat jealous by things others are doing, achieving and accomplishing, but alas I do.

If I look at it (and myself) positively, I guess it's a good thing I'm never satisfied. I want to do things, see things and earn as much as others do, but I always seem to get the raw end of the deal. I wonder why that is?

I don't see myself as a pushover, but things always seem to pass over me. I am not blessed with good luck obviously. Some people fall into the right place, right time again and again it seems, and I can't help but wonder, when is it my turn?

General Social Blogging Ponderings

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 20:48:00 +0000

Must try harder. Must try harder. That seems to be my mantra for life. Whether it's my lack of inspiration, self esteem or simply boredom, I just don't feel that I have anything worth writing about, let alone writing something worthy of someone actually taking the time to read the nonsense I've written. Perhaps I'm being to hard on myself? No-one likes a pessimist after all, but then again, no-one likes a narcissist either.

I won't bore you with my mundane day to day wonderings (today at least), but let me ask this: why blog? Why read a blog? I've asked myself this question: is it like an online diary for my voyeuristic nature? Do I want random people knowing my most insane or mundane thoughts that pass through my rather porous brain? Or is it a social thing? People blogging and people reading, creating this other universe for us all to live in? Moving a step further with that last query, is it companionship? Do we read other people's blogs to make ourselves feel better, knowing that "we're" not the only person rambling to the universe at large?

In all honesty, I haven't come across another blog like mine. Everyone else seems to have it together, there's a purpose to their blog, there's a reason I read them. But who I wonder would ever read this? And if you did happen to come across this rather inconsequential excerpt of my daily ponderings, what on earth do you get out of it?! I can only think that you come away from this, feeling 100% better about yourself knowing that you haven't got these rambling yet curious thoughts in YOUR head!

Hummm... I do seem to go around and around and never find what I'm looking for, or what I'm trying to say. Such is my life.

The Limbo Before Impending Doom?

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 09:20:00 +0000

I'm not sure if this long weekend has given me too much time on my hands or has given me time to think but I feel in limbo. Like, I'm waiting from something to happen, waiting to make a decision or bracing myself for impact - from what I have no idea. I'm sure there's no impending doom on my horizon, but perhaps I feel the need for... something... a change... a moment of clarity...

Strange. The more I think about it, the more probable I feel something is just around the corner - good or bad I have no idea but it's waiting. Just out of sight but not out of mind.

Everything in life is writable about...

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Sun, 23 Jan 2011 18:52:00 +0000

Everything in life is writable about.

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. Sylvia Plath

Never a truer word written.

The Ongoing Irony of Booking a Relaxing Spa Break

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 11:36:00 +0000

Here's irony: I'm trying to book a spa break while my boyfriend is away and it's actually a very stressful thing to attemp to do.

What I've found is that while some hotels offer accomodation and "entry" to a spa, they don't actually include any treatments. Correct me if I'm wrong, but how can that be classed as a spa package weekend where no spa related activities are expected to take place within the package? Or, if you want to stay in a dedicated spa it seems to be that a) they are very expensive just for a two night stay and b) stuck in the middle of no-where on the outskirts of a city where the only means of transport is taxi - which I can only imagine won't be a quick journey and therefore not a cheap journey.

Also the fact that I am going on my own seems to be fairly abnormal whereby they whack on single supplements left, right and centre. Am I being strange that I want to go to a spa on my own i.e. away from people I see and speak to every day and just have some of my own company? Unless you're going on a girlie weekend, I can't see why you would want to go with anyone to a spa. All I plan to do is (hopefully) have a couple of treatments, relax by a pool with a cold, crisp glass of Pino Grigio and read. That' s all I want to do, I don't want to talk, to make conversation, I literally just want to be quiet! So therefore would not be good company for anyone but myself! It would seem that I am in the minority for thinking this way though.

And so my search continues. My prerequisites are:

Central location or close to local attractions
An actual spa break i.e. with treatments!
Nice accomodation
Hotel bar and restuarant
Overall: not cheap but not expensive

Wish me luck...

Tis the Season to Get Engaged...

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 17:05:00 +0000

Tis the Season to Get Engaged
Here's a Big, Fat, Sarcastic Whoop from Me!

It would seem that the everyone in the world is getting engaged to each other. Hey, the way I'm feeling right now, chances are you've just got engaged. 'Tis the season and all that. It's a lovely, beautiful thing - plus being in the wedding planning business it works out well professionally but personally...You wanna know what I really want to do...

Shoot myself and call it quits. Ha! Moi? Melodramatic? Never.

My boyfriend's sister has just got engaged for which I am truly happy for her because a) it's going to be a destination wedding, b) she lives in Australia so no Bridezilla moments that I can't handle by simply unpluging technology and c) wait, there is no C because I'm sick of hearing that everyone but me is going to get married. (Stick with me... I'm venting!) With their gaudy diamonds, talk of dresses and blah, blah, blah. All I ask is "when is it going to be me?"

I know what you're thinking. I should be asking my boyfriend this very question and believe me I have. About every single day, in one way or another. We've just had our nine year anniversary so he's a trooper!

One truly spectacular answer he gave was just the day before yesterday. It was that he didn't want me to win. In other words, he believes that if and when he does propose, it will feel to him as though he's lost. Yes, like he's lost a bet or game. Sad and strange but true.

An inspirational line springs to mind from a great movie:

Those who can't wed, plan.
(Jennifer Lopez, The Wedding Planner, 2001)

I've been quietly obsessed with weddings for years, but now I'm "allowed" to look at the magazines, the wedding porn blogs, the venue websites because it's all in the name of " work-related research". I say I'm now allowed only because before I had no reason to buy the magazines (and then stuff them under my bed) or request wedding information packs (and contemplate spending thousands of pounds on a spectacular venue).

One day it will be my day that I have to plan. I feel the weight of expectation already, hey I've banged on about it even to you for long enough! I actually wouldn't mind just being engaged for a while. He on the other hand says he doesn't believe in long engagements.Once he's made up his mind and he feels ready, he'll want to get it over with! Does anyone else feel that my boyfriend is a bit of an arse?!

Answers on a postcard please oh and congrau-fucking-lations if you have indeed recently got engaged. See not jealous at all...

Sorry Fellow Female Drivers - I Harmed The Cause

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 22:45:00 +0000

I did a stupid thing on Monday. I did not help the cause for women driver's the world over. I (only very gently) crashed into my boyfriend's car while trying to parallel park.

The worst part - apart from causing actual damage to both his car and my own - is that for a very quick, fleeting moment I considered not telling him about it. The dent and paint etched onto my car however, plus the two brand spanking new dents in his would have given me away so I decided to be brave, and tell the truth.

He took it rather well. I feel terrible and actually embarrassed. Needless to say I won't be trying to that stupid maneuver ever again.

P.S. Who actually does parallel park in real life - other than having to do it in the damned test...

Flickers of Friendship

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 21:54:00 +0000

Friendships come and go in my experience.

I keep those who I want to keep very close,

while others I seem to let fade into little flickers of friendship.

Dense darkness is only punctured by a fleeting amber glow,

Too quick to burn.

And yet does so completely.

Neurotic Notes of An Eternal Loner

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 21:00:00 +0000

I've been absent for a month or so, even after telling myself i.e. you, that I should write at least once a day. So here's what prompted me to go viral again.

Sitting around the dinner table this evening with my boyfriend, my brother and his (maybe) girlfriend, I was asked if I enjoyed my time at university. My boyfriend and I had completely conflicting answers: he did, I didn't so much.

I've thought about why my time at uni wasn't as great as it should have been over the years since. I've come to the conclusion that its intrinsically built into my DNA that I am what some would call a "lone wolf", what others would call a "loner". Not in the weird sense but in the way that I can deal with myself when I'm on my own. I now do like my own company and it's taken me a while to understand, well maybe not understand, but acknowledge that this is who I am now. It wasn't always the case.

Thinking back over the years, I can indeed see a pattern in my behaviour, as I see it now. During my first year of university I loathed spending any time alone in my single, solitary room. I would go to the library to watch movies just so I didn't have to be on my own. This was a time before Internet was in every room, before Wifi had become a way of life - hey, it was 2005! I would head down to the communal kitchen only when I had to - it didn't help that my kitchen was permanently on the wrong side of clean and smelt of hash, but that's university, I get it. I never did load of washing at university successfully - I'd always bring it home as home was only 30 miles away... perhaps that was the crux of the problem. I didn't go out to befriend my student neighbours because it was easier not to. My course mates were fine, are fine, as we still keep in contact via Facebook but even now it's only ever once in a while. When you only have your course in common you kind of loose that common interest once you graduated so then what do you talk about apart from the mundane niceties of life? I digress...

My following year was better and then my final year was best, but even then it was still only ever ok compared to everybody else. Perhaps my first year scarred me for life. It's quite possible, it was my most hellish experience to date because I felt trapped by the immensity of university existence. The fact that I didn't like the city I was in, the fact that it probably was too close to home and the fact that my course was never as exciting as it had been promised to be.

Muse - An Update

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 09:22:00 +0000

FANTASTICAL!

A Night to Remember - Muse - Wembley Stadium - OMFG!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 16:13:00 +0000

Muse is awesome.

Completely and utterly by chance I saw Muse at Wembley Stadium on Saturday night - the most awesome band playing live in the world right now and they were phenomenal. Oh My Fucking God. They were extraordinary.

It's simply mind blowing how fantastic they were! The set looked like something out of the (also amazing) movie Inception, while the flying saucer actually had an alien inside who burst out of the bottom and continued to perform acrobatic style in mid air as it was led around the stadium. A-MAZ-ING.

I was extremely lucky to even go to the concert but am so glad I did! It all started when my work colleague was worried about her tickets, having not received them three weeks prior to the event date and called the company. She was informed that the company - mostwantedtickets.co.uk if anyone's wondering - had gone bust and were now under investigation. She was gutted but immediately called her bank to tell them she'd been ripped off. Low and behold she received an email late last week saying her tickets has been dispatched and so she waited with bated breath...and they arrived.

So next thing was did I want to go? The person she was originally going with had now made other plans to work! Hell yeah I wanna go! Now, were the tickets legitimate? Surely the company would be sued for fraud if the tickets weren't real so we set off on Saturday afternoon and got in!

Non Bullshit Artist Professional seeks Good Appraisal from Boss

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 20:24:00 +0000

I'm a worrier. It's annoying. I can't help it.

I'm the kind of person who wants to be told when they're not doing something right or could do something better. Especially as in the industry I'm now in: Wedding Planning and Co-ordination. It's so important to get the little details as well as the big ones absolutely, positively right, 100% of the time.

That's not to say I handle criticism easily. I really don't understand people who say they do. I admit, I do live up to my Leo star sign qualities. I am proud and don't like to admit that I'm wrong - when more often then not I usually am.

I am not a bullshit artist however. I can't just blag it. I'm not a good liar and I almost always get caught out. I believe I am, on the whole, a pretty truthful person. If I want to say something, want to ask anything I simply have to; otherwise it will eat me up and I'll obsess about it. Can't you tell?! I also have to know the theory behind something so I understand why it is I'm supposed to do it. Otherwise I just won't see the logic. I think just because something is obviously logical to one person, doesn't necessarily mean it's logical to another.

A work appraisal is on the horizon. Almost literally: it's supposed to be tomorrow. Should I assume everything is A OK? Or should I not sleep with concern and angst over what they're going to say to me. From reading this post, I think you know the answer.

Wish me luck...

Enlightened Automatic-Only Mind verses Manual UK Drones

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:57:00 +0000

Those fortunate few who bore witness to my mini freak out yesterday will know that I now have a car for the very first time in my 26 years on this green and pleasant land.

Today is the second day of my car ownership and I still have yet to drive the damn thing. What I did do today however was wash, wax, T-Cut, buff, spritz, more buff - some hose action also went down. My main concern is driving. As I explained yesterday, I haven't actually driven since my test back in 2007. Did I mention it was my fourth time too? No, probably not. It's not the most thing I'm proud of to be honest; I learnt to drive automatic, not manual, automatic.

The UK on the whole seems to have an issue with people who have learnt to drive and can only drive this sort of transmission. They turn their nose's up. They wonder what your problem and why it is that you can't handle a manual car. I don't obviously, but a lot of others do. In the US, I know most people drive my kind of transmission: it's a simple, concise way of driving. There are no distractions with gear changes or clutch control, which by the way I most obviously sucked at. I really do not see the problem. Maybe someone could shed some light on it one day? All I care about is getting to my destination, be that home, work, shopping - wherever.

Many argue that they want to "drive" the car; "feel" the car. Who the duck cares!? Unless your racing in some exotic and glamorous Formula One circuit - where knowing how the car and engine feel is pretty important - why would anyone on their way to the shops need to know how the car feels? If it's gonna break down, more often than not you don't know it's coming otherwise you'd have taken it to a frickin' garage to get sorted! Driving manual doesn't give the gift of seeing the future, so when your manual car goes kaput, you're as much in the dark as me. The added bonus for me is: I don't have to concern my little automatic-only brain over having to get my gearbox changed because I don't have one. I see it as one less thing to go wrong, one less thing to spend my money on, giving me more cash for more important things like pretty shoes, dresses and everything else.

One Small Step for (Politically Incorrect) Man, One Giant Leap for Me

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 19:45:00 +0000

At the rip old age of 26 I am now a first time car-owner. Oh My Fucking God. Seriously.

To be clear, I haven't driven since that most glorious of days in June 2007 when I eventually passed the heinous test. Unless of course you count a drive on a fairly unsafe, two seater buggy through sugar cane fields in the Caribbean. During which I rear-ended a fellow holiday-maker, and who thankfully did not suffer from whiplash. No, it doesn't count? I thought not.

Again - oh my fucking god.

Must Try Harder (To Be Less Paranoid)

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 23:52:00 +0000

I realise that very few, if any, people in Blogland actually read this so instead will write to myself this one time:

Dear Self,
I understand you have a very busy working life and know you have a full-to-busting social one too (ha!) but please, for the sake of your poor put-upon brain, you must try harder and write your blog.

The reasons are endless. For example: its easy, a highly effectively and selfish way to dispose of your inner most thoughts (almost) anonymously to the world - allowing you to be set free from those tired, ever revolving and evolving thoughts in that somewhat paranoid little mind of yours / ours. It is more than a "diary", it's a sounding board for ideas, anxieties and problems. It even flex's finger muscles by typing and may even lead to the elusive sense of calm and well being you / we/ I so desperately aim toward.

So please, do try to sit down when you have a quiet five, ten or sixty minutes and write here. It will do you the world of good and may even enlighten and entertain those who have the good fortune to stumble upon your soon-to-be up to date blog.

Yours graciously,
Little Red

P.S. That will be the only time I hope to write in third person to myself.

It freaked me out.

Upload Crap to Offload onto Others

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 20:19:00 +0000

Ebay + unemployed time on hands = Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I have a costume party to go to. Yay. A way to escape the reality of our existance and become someone else for a few measly hours. I've even decided on a costume: and the grand reveal: Alice In Wonderland, original no? The movie was great, but the feelings I have right now about been forced down a wicked rabbit hole with very little say or choice in the matter, that is to say, my life, has affected me somewhat.

We've been instructed to be a person, fictional or non fictional from any time; past, present, future, make believe - you get it. We can't tell anyone who we are either...so lucky you. We've also been instructed that we can't buy the costume or it has to be from charity shops, so I figure Ebay is a kind of charity shop, right?

People upload their crap to offload onto someone else right?

The only thing is, now I have OCD. I Watch but refuse to Bid until the last knockings... we haven't got there yet so it's still very exciting... humm. I know I should get out more.

Peering Into a Dangerous Precipice

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 18:33:00 +0000

As the hail descends on this Spring evening and sit here shivering as the boiler doesn't work, life is officially... hard.

Not hard in the way that I struggle to get water everyday or battle cancer or any such like, but hard in the way that your mind struggles to maintain a calming influence. How can you see through the big black cloud, when everything else is beating down particularly hard on you?

I do fleetingly wonder if I am on the edge and peering into a dangerous precipice that I may not get out of. Certainly that would be the case if I didn't have people around me to keep me from blindly jumping, but as it happens I do, so thankfully this is not the meandering thoughts of a suicidal person - fear not!

I just wonder, what is is I'm actually good for and who will pay me to do it?
I know a lot of people don't like their jobs - I don't really suppose you're going to. I just want a job that I don't loathe, dispise and want to cry over. I want a job that I can be, if not excited over (that might be too much to ask) but to be proud of. To gain some happiness from. The only vague sense of happiness I recieved was recieving my measly payslip every month - I really don't think that's a way to survive mentally.

Don't you agree?

Inky Blue Abyss

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 18:49:00 +0000

To the ends of the earth and back again.

Twisting, swirling, angry and violent random seas

power to smash, crush, explode little wooden boats.

On the horizon, nothing hovers.

The inky blue abyss with worlds above their heads

Unknowing, unseeing yet very much breathing, living.

If They only could see Us.

A Billion, Billion Iridescent Spheres

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 19:22:00 +0000

What am I?

A billion, billion iridescent spheres,

touching, moving, jostling for position next to one another.

Moving in unified motion

then disappear

Veins that pump for a thousand years, some the size of an elephant's truck.

It's body reaching, grasping for everything

and nothingness

Spanning broad and proud, shielding from unwanted crowds

The cells of each are all.

Can You TELL what it is Yet?

Here We Go! Academy Awards 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:27:00 +0000

Academy Awards 2010. It is time.

Drink? Check. Canapes? Check.

As I mentioned before, I've booked tomorrow off from work to be able to watch and enjoy the Oscars for 2010. I have attempted to watch the Academy Awards once before at Uni and failed miserably. I was asleep after three awards had been given out.

Ok, so here in the UK I'm watching Sky One coverage of the Oscars and I'll be honest, my eyes are drooping. I seem to recall this is what happended before - Arg! Dissapointing.

Academy Awards 2010 - Up late, no work Monday, Love it!

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:32:00 +0000

You find me typing this at sometime past midnight, watching the 2010 Academy Awards. I've actually taken the day off work tomorrow and especially ordered the Movie Channels for a month just for this evening! Madness, craziness and unadultered red carpet hoopla... fabulous!

The dresses, I am pleased to report, have so far been exquesite - the only exception is so far, Charlize Theron -the pink breat-cone dress. Doesn't do anything for her frame at all. Anna Kendrink's dress is gorgeous, a last minute decision that paid of very well!

Sarah Jessica Parker's hair was extraordinary, as was her delightfully fun, sun colour, bright dress! Lovely by name, Lovely by nature!

I heart George Clooney by the way... just thought I'd share! Live as it happens baby!

Crap Magnet Of Crapston Town, Crapito.

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:33:00 +0000

I vowed that I would never complain about work on this blog. Who wants to hear about someone else's bad day at work? No one. Even the most sympathetic ear doesn't really want to listen to you blather on about your awful day at work. However...

Most people only go to work because they have to, most loathe it and start clock watching at around 3pm waiting for 5.30pm to chug along, in order to jump ship for the day.

As I naughtily sit here in the office taping away, I ponder, I am a shit magnet?

Do snow clouds have an active concious?

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 21:06:00 +0000

Just a quickie to report that my prediction came true. When I woke this morning, the world had not ended and we didn't have snow.

The fear that had been pumped into the concious of every Dorset dwelling resident by local and national press was a pointless waste of time. They obviously enjoy the drama as it bumps up newspaper sales and viewing figures. I wonder if the snow clouds saw how much panic, distress and longing they'd caused and thought to teach us a lesson?!

The snow filled clouds completely bypassed us overnight. And while we did have a mini-blizzard just before lunchtime - which is admitedly still on the ground - it's been plain sailing since then. In short, just rubbish.

Typical British-weather panic. We should know better by now.

Manic Snow Panic = Giant Damp Squib

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 20:54:00 +0000

So it would seem we have stumbled into Siberian and Russian territory with sheer and utter blind, British panic as the cold front sweeps across the Southern coast of the UK.

News broadcasters say we should brace ourseleves for the heaviest snowfall in living memory - yet as I look out of my window this very second, all I see is wet slush on the pavements which will basically make walking to work rarther perilous tomorrow.

With the news and what seems to be a nationwide case of Chinese Whispers, it turns out that the Apocolypse of all things white, wet and cold has arrived! Excuse my sarcasm but, I have a sneaky suspicion that I will indeed wake in the morning and yes we will all survive to live another, albeit, cold day.

I'm not complaing about the weather at all, in fact I like the fact that you actually know it's the Winter season. What I hate is the way the UK press and it's people like to obsess about it; the way the news rams it down our throats in order to detract our attention from actual newsworthy topics. Hell yeah it's different, the idea of having actual white stuff so deep that we can't leave the house is thrilling. We don't get Snow Days here and to have a genuine reason not to show up for work is amazing.

My cynical, unoptimistic side however tells me that this manic snow panic will turn out to be a giant damp squib. I believe it's unlikely that much, if any, snow will settle where I live and we will be literally left out in the cold with no snow and no excuse not to get to work on time.

Love letter to New York City... maybe we'll meet one day

noreply@blogger.com (Little Red) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:00:00 +0000

Have you ever fallen in love with somewhere, although never actually having been there? I have. I'm in love with New York City. I just feel that we'd click, we'd hit it off and I'd never want to leave. It's magical, mysterious and a little bit dangerous.

It's the same way you feel excited about meeting someone new, I feel that way about New York. I have no idea why, logically I shouldn't like The City at all. I don't even like London a huge deal, it's too busy, too gloomy, too gray, too "normal". The same way I know nothing spectacular will happen to me in London, in New York simply being there would be magnificent! The world is your oyster, well, apple I guess...

Sinatra loved New York. He said "if you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere" and it's true - to say you've conqured the most straight-talking, zero bullshit toleranze city in Western civilization would be a great confidence booster! Jay Z has even written a love song to New York. Empire State of Mind is a truly inspirational song to those who aspire to be entertained by and be in love with New York City. It's special, magical and courageous. And I'm not the only one.

Millions of immigrants first set foot in New York in the early days, after escaping whatever tragedies they'd experienced and seen or those simply desperate for a new life in the new world; they all went to New York because it inspired hope and change.

Perhaps that's why I love The City so much. The fact that it does inspire me so much, knowing how simply being there has motivated so many others, let's just say it will be a grand day when I set foot in Central Park for the first time... whenever that may be.