There was a bright flash of light...

Something sweet

2012-02-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

Been getting a little crafty in anticipation of Valentine's day....back to making more earrings. I saw a cute craft on Modge Podge Rocks' blog, and tried to do it myself.

So very cute, but a little tricky. Have you ever tried to drill a hole the size of a needle in a very small piece of candy while holding it in your hand? Not as easy as it might first appear.

Thank goodness for Dremel drill bits and a variable speed drill. You'll need two bags of conversation hearts for this, by the way. That way you can eat one bag while you attempt to drill holes in the other. The first four came out perfect, then I guess I got a little cocky thinkin' I had a handle on it and it was simple, so I tried to go a bit faster.

Don't do it. Go slow and steady, not too much pressure. Otherwise you have a pile of broken conversation hearts instead of nicely drilled ones.

Had to change her instructions a bit though. Couldn't use the Modge Podge because it erased the food coloring "ink" and the words disappeared altogether. SO...I did what any insane person would do to an edible item they would like to wear, and I sprayed them with clear spray paint instead.

THESE ARE NO LONGER EDIBLE!

While Modge Podge isn't anywhere on my menu, it is non-toxic. Spray paint cannot possibly be good for you, so don't let little people eat these, please.

And then, as I'm sitting there slowly drilling tiny holes into these little hearts, it starts to occur to me: man, these messages are pretty lame. Seriously lame. If I were in charge they would have MUCH more exciting messages, like:

"You're the most wonderful person I've ever known!"

"Send the writer of this blog $1000!"

"You should be eating chocolate instead!"

Or my favorite:

"Your pants are on fire!"

AND THEN I HAD AN IDEA........

There have been murmurings in my house about a certain couple....comments overheard.....Pinterest boards containing WAY too many pins hinting at a summer wedding.....

Yeah. Those two on the left. Her on the right? I have no hope. Let's just say that EVERYONE in the family has been instructed to be VERY VERY nice to any boy who seems to be interested in her so that someday we can find a gullible husband for her...

But those two on the left, they need to get in gear and make it official so I can start making some REAL plans instead of just imaginary Pinterest ones. To speed the process along, I made thing one her OWN VERY SPECIAL PAIR OF VALENTINE'S EARRINGS!!!

YAY!!! BIG enough hint, Boyfriend? (does he even read this blog?) And then Thing One refused to wear them. She likes Boyfriend too much to scare him off, I think.

But it's okay, One of the awesome girls at work snatched them right up, apparently she has a plan of her own that they might assist in implementing...

Anyway! I've made up tons of these for Screamapillar to sell to her little friends to assist in her continuing quest to pay for choir tour. If you'd be interested in a pair, send me a FB note.

I'll keep you posted on any pending announcements...........hopefully soon.

mold.

2012-02-09T08:30:00.001-07:00

I found a spot of mold this morning. On Eclair's toast. It was a tiny little spot, on the crust at the top corner. As we were short on time, I just tore that entire side off that piece of toast, closely inspected both slices to be sure there was none I had missed, and buttered it for my lovely daughter.

E: Are you sure that it's okay?

M: Yep. You won't be eating any mold. It wouldn't kill you, anyway. Actually, some medicines have originated from mold.

E: OH YEAH!! I read about that. There's a guy who regrows body parts with mold.

****loud gagging noise from across the room where daddy is choking on his toast, Thing One is standing by his side with her hand over her mouth, eyes incredulous.****

M: Really......where did you hear about that?

E: From school. My Read 180 tells about it. There's this guy, and he's a doctor. And he makes new body parts for people who don't have any.

Holy crap, she's right:

(But I didn't hear anything about using mold to do this.)

Amazing, truly amazing.

So, should I save the piece of moldy toast?

Attending the Cinema

2012-01-27T17:52:00.001-07:00

I hate going to the movies. Seriously. Don't get me wrong, I love movies. I just hate going out and sitting with the dim-witted, ill mannered sweating masses in a theater.

There always seems to be some sort of ...incident.....for example:

Once upon a time I had to shoot a wedding for a friend in Logan, Utah, many hours from my home. We went as a family, because it was also the kick-off to a huge family vacation that we had been planning. While I was taking photos (boring for everyone except the bride and groom), Hubby took the kiddos to go see the newest Disney release (on it's opening weekend, generally a big mistake).

They arrived in plenty of time to get seats together, and since there was still time, Things One and Two decided to go explore the restrooms. When they returned, they found their seats occupied and decided to sit elsewhere.

A young woman and her caretaker had taken the seats. When they first sat down, my husband told them that the seats were taken. The young woman (who we will hereafter call Wilma) was obviously handicapped in some fashion, and her caretaker (hereafter known as Betty), couldn't get her to budge. Wilma didn't care whose seats they were, she was there to see WallE and no one was going to move her.

No big deal since Things One and Two were 18 and 16 years old, and sitting on their own was not a problem. This left seating thus: Betty in the aisle seat, then Wilma, Eclair, Hubby, Screamapillar and Luke Skywalker.

Apparently the movie was not entertainment enough for Wilma. She brought a toy with her to occupy her time, and enrich the moviegoing experience for everyone in a three foot radius. First she extracted a shoelace from her pocket. She then inserted the entire shoelace in her mouth and chewed on it for a while.

The shoelace came out of her mouth again, this time with a plan of action.

She firmly grasped the shoelace with the thumb and forefinger of her left hand, and began to swing it over her head, lasoo fashion. It was just long enough to nick Eclair in the head with every revolution. Eclair was quite alarmed by this, and decided that she wasn't too big to sit in her dad's lap for the entire movie after all.

Wilma apparently noticed that the seat next to her was vacant. So she let the shoelace lengthen a bit, until it was just long enough to now nick Hubby in the head with every revolution. Appeals to Wilma and Betty both were pointless. Wilma wanted to watch the movie with her spittle coated lasoo swinging overhead, and there was no way to stop her.

Hubby and Eclair spent the duration of the movie leaning as far to the side as possible, practically watching the movie sideways, in order to avoid the liquid shrapnel.

A good time was had by all. And, man, was I glad I wasn't there. Because I don't do well in crowded theaters surrounded by idiots. Hubby is FAR more patient than I.

I'll have to tell you about going to see the last Harry Potter movie and it's attending incidents later. Because I'm deeply engrossed in a huge project I gotta go finish, which I shall blog about later also....
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Doorknobs

2012-01-16T01:05:00.001-07:00

How many of you have ever used a doorknob in your life?

Silly question. I'll rephrase.

How many of you have NOT used a doorknob before? On a door that's supposed to have one. Probably a few less.

Mom is in the midst of painting. She has been 'painting,' since before I left for Mexico with Boyfriend [who still needs a blog name]. Keep in mind...that was before Christmas. "GOSH MOM, YOU'VE BEEN PAINTING SINCE LAST YEAR!" Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Anywho. Mom's current painting project has been the doors. Because doors are grubby and not quite so white anymore. And because mom thinks we don't have enough newspaper, she's removed all the doorknobs from the doors.

The past few weeks have gone something akin to this.

Its absurd, really how much you can take something as simple as a doorknob for granted.

Ever tried to open a door like this?

Yes, the actual knob part goes on the INSIDE, but when you have to get in? Well that's a bit of a challenge now, isn't it? And even on the side with a knob...that's even MORE troubling. Try pulling open a door when the knob comes out in your hand. You get places really fast.

Despite our pleas, we only JUST got the doorknob back for the bathroom. Two bedrooms and a closet still have no knobs. Some of us have voiced our desires to Facebook, in hopes that mother might see them in between playing her myriad of farming/harvesting/I-Should-Have-Never-Introduced-Her-To-FB games.

Desperation has reached a peak. Eclair tried to solve the problem. This is her solution.

Yes, those are Q-Tips. And...I really think nothing more needs to be said on this matter.

Food-making skillz

2012-01-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

Tonite I went on strike. I made food only for those who could not be reasonably expected to feed themselves, Eclair and Luke Skywalker. The son of Vader can cook, but he had a ton of homework, so I took pity on him and made mac and cheese. Outta a box.

Yeah, I got mad skillz.

There was outrage from other, less helpless people who live in my house. They all can feed themselves, but are lazy. Oh, so lazy. At 22, 19, and 16 I have no sympathy. Thing Two had the wonderful idea to make calzones after I screamed for the 40 time "I AM NOT GOING OUT TO BUY PIZZA!!!"

He managed to put together all the ingredients himself, even if he cheated by thawing sauce from the freezer. His sisters got wind of the idea and started hanging around, I think they had some kind of stupid idea that he would make food for them, too. He thawed and rolled out dough, filled it with sauce and cheese, folded it over and pressed it shut.

The whole time he is slaving over pizza dough, Screamapillar is standing beside him critiquing his work. "That's not how you do it!" and "You're using too much sauce!" and "Not enough cheese!" I think that for someone looking for a free meal, she was doing a poor job of deserving one. He was ready to take the rolling pin to her head by the time he was done. And then she asked when was he making hers?

I'm sure you can guess the answer to that question.

As Thing Two's calzones were cooking and filling the kitchen with a wonderful aroma, the girls took matters into their own hands. They were forced to cook for themselves.

Now, I might mention now, that Thing Two's calzones were near perfection in both shape and composition. He's picky like that.

Here is what the Screamapillar produced:

If you guessed the atrocity on the right, you would be correct. Her older brother laughed aloud and mocked her messy pile of dough and sauce with it's assorted fork-markings most heartily, and said, "SERIOUSLY?"

All she had to say for herself was:

"All I know is that

YOU

were doing it

WRONG.

NEVER said

knew how to do it

MYSELF!"

Two things and a random photo

2012-01-06T03:01:00.000-07:00

Two odd phrases heard around the house today:

"Well I just need to lose some more teeth!" -Eclair, trying to earn money to do after-school karate.

"Hey! Somebody ran off with the bathroom doorknob!" -Thing Two, who hasn't been helping with the painting at all.

And here's your random amusing photo I took in an elevator at the hospital:

At first glance, not so funny. But you need to take a closer look:

Hadn't been worried about running into zombies in a hospital elevator before.

Now I'm terrified.

Arise and Shine Forth

2012-01-01T19:28:00.000-07:00

We got to be part of a wonderful, unique experience last night. We joined the youth of five stakes at our stake center at the end of their New Year's Eve celebration.

The theme for the coming year is "Arise and Shine Forth," challenging our youth to let others see the light of Christ in their countenance. A worthy goal, indeed.

To kick it off, at midnight the kids were able to send off floating lanterns. Here's a few photos:

Out of focus Screamapillar

Eclair and Luke Skywalker

In focus, but too dark, dear Screamapillar

Hubby enjoys the perks of being a chaperone

Lots of wonderful youth

over 150 lanterns went up

and here's a fun video:

Happy New Year, everyone. May the coming year bring the light of Christ to you.

The annual epistle of exaggeration and outright falsehoods - 2012 - A top Ten

2011-12-31T17:25:00.003-07:00

I've been meaning to post this all week, but life has just gotten in the way. Christmas was fantastic. We had a great time.

And if we ever get our cards out this year they're going to look like this:

And instead of the annual letter, you'd see this:

TOP TEN AWESOME THINGS

WE MAY HAVE DONE THIS YEAR:

10. Thing One got to quit her awful job where they treated her like a deranged hobo, and got a really fantastic job making more money doing what she completely loves to do. She got to go to New York and sing at the Lincoln Center (sorry, Carnegie was closed) with her wonderful choir. She also got a sweet Boyfriend who makes her smile a lot, and she ran away to Mexico to have Christmas with his family because she doesn't love us.

9. Thing Two moved out and then moved back in again. He has learned to appreciate the simple things in life, like not running out of toilet paper because everyone thinks it is someone else's turn to buy it, or eating food that might actually have nutrients and vitamins in it. He has an adorable, lovely, beautiful girlfriend who we don't get to see nearly enough, I think that maybe he is worried that we will somehow reveal to her that he is a dork and she deserves better. We are hoping to have the boy out the door on his mission VERY SOON. Right, boy?

8. Screamapillar continues to kick people in the shins with her cleats and sing in the choir. She likes boys and boys like her. She continues also to be awkward around the boys, which makes for much hilarity. She got to go to Phoenix to visit her grandma, and to Las Vegas on choir tour even though we tried to stop her. She also continues to set world records in texting.

7. Luke Skywalker is still attending Provo High as an 8th grader, solely to annoy his bigger sister. He has finally decided to grow, and is getting taller faster than I can let the hems out of his pants. He has started to raid his older brother's wardrobe in his search for sleeves that are long enough. He has decided to be a scientist someday, in hopes of blowing things up like the Mythbusters.

6. Eclair has taken her chatterbox skills to a new level, taking every opportunity to talk the ears off strangers and friends alike. If you're her facebook friend, beware of chat. If you have a cell phone, make sure I don't have your number or she will text you incessantly. Funny thing though, EVERYONE loves her anyway.

5. Hubby has broken out of his shell and started coming out of his hobbit-hole office into the sunlight to make a few trips. He supervised Screamapillar's trip to Phoenix, and made a solo trip to Baja California where he did not die of anything as expected, including dinosaurs. His shoes were the only casualty of the trip, suprisingly enough. He has a few more trips planned, and as long as he keeps remembering to bring me presents all will be well.

4. I have spent the year sitting around playing Farmville, while simultaneously editing photos. I got to do a lot of fun photos for mostly attractive people (you ugly ones know who you are). Thing One got me the newest version of Photoshop for Christmas, so now this old dog has to learn new tricks.

3. The animals continue well. Misty (our giant yellow lab) got a new dog door, and likes to go in and out and in and out and in and out just to show you that she can. It has helped with her arthritis tons. Muffin and Gus still hate one another. While Muffin has retained her girlish figure, Gus is striving to outweigh Misty, and is juuuuusst about there.

2. We went to California for El Guapo and Felicity's wedding. It was so completely awesome that I am going to make one of my grils get married in 2012 just so I can throw an awesome wedding reception myself (I think Eclair already has a few prospects rounded up - they would just have to have their mother's permission to propose).

1. We made too many trips to the ER, went to too many funerals, drove too many miles, and ate too much food, and were blessed far more than we deserve. We didn't spend enough time cleaning the house, visiting family, and having a good time (because you can never have too much of those).

Hope 2011 was good to you, and that 2012 is even more awesome.

wee little houses

2011-12-23T21:49:00.000-07:00

YEA CAMI! She correctly named the style of house in our photo:

These little houses are from a project I did for my parents for Christmas a few years ago. I made about half of the many homes they have lived in since they were married. The little silver one is a quanset hut was their first home, on a military base in California when my dad was in the Navy.

The project was pretty time intensive, I made all the houses from empty cereal box cardboard. Except for the little one there, that's a paper tube instead. They're really just a series of boxes glued together with peaky little roofs added.

The really fun part was trying to work past the picture of the house from my memory as a child to what it actually looked like in real life (Google Earth helped a bit, for the houses that are still there today). The houses above are from Camarillo, Poway, and two from San Diego. The large one below is my grandmother's house, where we lived briefly between orders, the other one and half that are visible are from Albuquerque.

Mom puts them out under the Christmas tree every year, and I need to work on finishing them up. I think there are still another twelve to go before I'm done....

I recently came upon a site that has some great patterns for making your own houses. I'd give you mine, but they were completly custom and since I kept wingin' it, my patterns aren't much good to anyone beyond myself.

http://www.bigindoortrains.com/primer/glitterhouses/small_glitterhouse/beginning_glitterhouse.htm

Looking back at these houses, I really think they need some more "bling." Perhaps it's time for a remodel.
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A Tale of Two Choirs

2011-12-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

Christmas is performing arts season around here. With all the saxamaphone, clarinet, flute, violin, piano and sopranos around here we don't really have a choice.

In the last two weeks we have had two performances, choir in nature, that hit the polar opposites of performances: Thing One performing with Mapleton Chorale at Temple Square, and Eclair and the elementary school fine arts choir.

Mapleton Chorale:

Awesome Choir. You must audition and make the "cut" before you can sing. Sang in Alice Tully Hall in NYC last June. Previous director is now Assistant Director to the MoTab. Like I said, AWESOME CHOIR.

Eclair is in Show Choir. They are all 5th and 6th Graders. The ones who didn't choose Ballroom Dance (perhaps they have two left feet?), or Orchestra (perhaps they don't play an instrument?), Guitar (perhaps they don't want to be rock stars?) or Drama (the don't die well onstage as is required when they only do Romeo & Juliet every year...).

No auditions or singing ability required for this little group. They love everybody. I must say, that I was expecting a painful performance (because there are a bunch of 6th grade boys with squeaky voices, you know). I was VERY pleasantly surprised by what a great job they did. Their acapella numbers were great. Really great. That choir teacher must really know her stuff, becuase this was better than the freshman choir at the high school. I didn't expect such great harmonizing.

So as a performance, it doesn't fall short at all.

Where the big difference is, is here:

Thing One there, on the top. Matching uniforms. Clean faces. Smiling faces, spectacular voices.

Back to Eclair's choir:

Uniforms not so uniform. But that's okay, their faces are clean. BUT - I'm missing the smiling faces - instead we have that kid on the left who looks like someone just shot his dog. I laughed out loud when I downloaded this from the camera.
As we continue along this breakneck race towards Christmas, I am doing and making much. But it's hard to post things because the people I'm making things for READ this blog, and I want their gifts to be a surprise! So I'm going to do two more awesome posts real soon, on stuff that I did last year and before, including these wonderful houses.

Bonus points to anyone who comments and knows what that roundish silver thing in the photo below is:

An Early Morning

2011-12-10T08:37:00.001-07:00

Something lovely happened today:

Close, so close, just before the full eclipse.

I was merciful. I didn't get Luke Skywalker up until 6:30 (I waited a whole thirty minutes). He was able to see the lunar eclipse about halfway accomplished. I was hoping that he might be able to get some extra credit in his science class for making the effort to get up and see it. He said, "take a picture for me and get me up again in a half hour."

Then I got in the car and tried to escape the light pollution in order to capture the above image for you.

At seven am, I dashed back to the house to gather the children so they might see the full eclipse with me. They were awesome. They were in the car, barefoot and wrapped in blankets before I even finished the words "we'll go to Krispy Kreme after."

As we drove again to the "sweet spot," we passed many others: a pajama clad man sitting in a lawn chair in front of his house. A lady bundled up in many scarves sitting in her car taking photographs. Some joggers who had paused to have a look. A man beside his still-running truck, taking a photo with his iphone. A cyclist standing next to his bike taking it all in.

And I realized that there are two kinds of people in this world: those who will get up early, so early, in order to witness the amazing wonders of this world....

...and those who, when presented with the opportunity to get up at six am on a Saturday when it is precisely 18 degrees outside, say to me:

WHAT KIND OF CRAZY PERSON ARE YOU????

THIS IS THE ONLY DAY I CAN SLEEP IN!!!!

(we missed you, Hubby and Thing One. And we didn't save you any donuts, either)
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Mad dash: four

2011-12-07T17:06:00.002-07:00

One more ornament today. This is another favorite, one my mother taught me when I was twelve years old. A LITTLE COWBOY HAT for your TREE!!!

Materials:

Styrofoam cups
Ribbon scraps
String
An operational oven that will reach 275 degrees.

Preheat your oven, and use an UNGREASED cookie sheet for this craft. PLEASE, although it may seem tedious, you will want to make only ONE AT A TIME in order for these not to come out looking like this:

Again, I suppose if mutation is your thing, do five at a time and knock yourself out.

Here's what's going to happen to your cup when you put it in the oven (please excuse the poor quality, it's a little difficult to shoot through the window on my oven).

As you can see, the cup shrinks and flattens. As soon as it starts to look like that bottom image, you will need to quickly yank it out of the oven and do this:

Bend up the sides for the brim. They will cool very quickly, and then are ready for trimming.

Add a ribbon around the brim, and punch a hole in the crown with a pin and run a knotted string through for hanging on the tree.

Yee haw! These also make WONDERFUL Barbie hats, btw....
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linking to a whole lotta places including: http://savvysouthernstyle.blogspot.com/

Mad dash: three

2011-12-07T14:02:00.001-07:00

More ornaments. This is a re-run from last year, but one of my FAVORITES so we're just reviewing for your enjoyment.

More bulbs. This is REALLLY a simple craft, and it is outlined in this post.

Go check it out!
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Mad dash: two

2011-12-07T12:48:00.001-07:00

Ready to try another ornament? Also inspired by Pinterest?

AND GEEKERY?

How about something WONDERFUL and SHINY and HARRY-POTTER-ISH?

Like a golden snitch.

Materials:

Ornament ball
Wing shaped pattern cut out of the envelope that Thing One's passport arrived in last week
Sparkly fun foam in GOLD (99 cents at Hobby Lobby!)
Warm melt glue gun*

*warm melt, because last time I used a hot melt gun there was lots of swearing and excessive use of aloe vera ointment.

Otay - trace around your pattern and cut out two wings from the foam. Unless you have some kind of mutation in mind for your snitch, then cut as many wings as you like, I suppose.

Glue wings at the top of the bulb near the hanger.

Viola:

So, Snitch!!! or maybe batman on his way to a fancy dress ball? No, snitch.

SO SPARKLY!!!!

mad dash, one

2011-12-07T08:15:00.003-07:00

I am trying madly to catch up with all the WONDERFUL Christmas stuff we've been doing here on the blog. Funny how it's now 2:16 am on Wednesday, December 7, a day that shall live in infamy for a NEW reason now!

How many blog posts can a blogger post in a day? LET'S FIND OUT!

Post One: Ornament Thing One Found on Pinterest (which I scoffed, "I can MAKE that!" and then promptly did.

Materials:

Ball ornament
Glue
Yarn
Toothpicks
Two beads that will fit over the end of the toothpicks
a small amount of coordination and patience

Here's where it gets REALLY COMPLEX:

Put the beads on the ends of the toothpicks. You should probably wear some protective glasses so you don't take your eye out.

Then put some glue on the ball and wrap the yarn neatly around it
(it's just that I have trouble doing anything neatly)

After you wind it all neatly around the ball, go to town with some semi-random winding, glue down your yarn's tail, and hopefully you'll have this:

WOO HOO!!! Lovely knitting ball for my mommy who likes to knit and crochet.

Phew. So glad that's over, it was a LOT of work!
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gone missing

2011-12-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

No. I'm not dead. Yet.

Actually, I'm feeling better! I had all kinds of wonderful Chistmas post ideas in my head, and then I got sick. Sicker than I have been in longer than I can remember. I was trying to be "mom of steel" and tough it out, and then my friends made me go to the doctor. B predicted I had a sinus infection. She wins the Sicko Lottery. I also have bronchitis. Today I feel better than I have in a long time, but still not quite up to par.

All I have for you today is this photo:

which I will entitle "Anguish"

and this photo:

which I will entitle "Madwoman."

I will be working frantically to prepare another post for later today, Thing One and I have some "cheap and easy" Christmas ornaments and crafts for your enjoyment.

Thanks for tuning in.

Pie, anyone?

2011-11-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, serious post here. It happens so infrequently that hopefully it will stand out.

Over the next few weeks I am going to be doing a bunch of posts on homemade and money saving gift ideas, things we are doing or have done in the past. We have five kids and not a lot of money, but even if we did, I don't think I would be throwing a bunch of money around and teaching our kids that Christmas is about Santa Claus bringing you video games. It should be focused on GIVING not GETTING.

Today I'd like to share what we do for "neighbor treats." The note we are sending to all our friends and neighbors starts out like this:

We LOVE you!

But once again, we have sent

your Christmas treat

to Kyrgyzstan.

Why? Because I rediscovered a good friend from high school through Face Book a few years ago, and her story is truly amazing. After many childless years with her wonderful husband, they decided to go looking for their children. They found them: four in Kazakhstan, and one in Kyrgyzstan. If you would like to learn more about this wonderful family, please visit their blog at: http://lajoyfamily.blogspot.com/.

Last year Cindy volunteered to take a pie in the face if people contributed $500 to a fundraiser to send much needed supplies to the orphanage where their third son was adopted. And for each additional $100, her husband and kids would get pied as well. Needless to say, I was happy to help Cindy enjoy some pie. Enough was donated for ALL to enjoy some pie. For the past few years, we've been donating our budget for neighbor treats to charities. It's hard to spend all that time and money on creating little plates or bags of treats (and then trying to deliver them all), when all around us there are people whose situations are sometimes quite desperate. Before last year, we had donated to the local food bank. Last year we donated to Cindy's charity. This year we are blessed to be able to do both.

And I challenge you to do the same.

Don't bring me a treat. I don't need it anyway, I'm trying to lose weight. Cut back in some very small way, and find someone who needs that small bit more than you do. If you are interested in our little orphanage project, you can go here to donate: http://actofkindness.blogspot.com/p/pie-in-face-for-orphans.html (they even sent a statement the following January so we could declare the donation on our taxes). As you can see on the site, Cindy and Company are assured their pies again this year. Pick someone else on the list if you'd like to make sure the pies are evenly distributed, or we can just continue to gang up on the La Joy clan. If your inclination is to donate elsewhere, PLEASE do, there are SO MANY organizations out there looking for help, even in your own community. A donation of even $5 in the right hands can do great things. If you can't donate monitarily, find somewhere you can serve.

Alma 37:6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass;

In this season where we celebrate Thanksgiving for the many blessings we have, and the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ, may we reach out to those less fortunate. Let us lend a hand in fellowship and love to our brothers and sisters, wherever they may be.

In the middle of the night....

2011-11-18T11:46:00.001-07:00

....weird things start to happen. People say stuff that you would NEVER expect to hear, say, at four in the afternoon.

Today I applied fresh caulking to the big picture window behind the window seat in the dining room. When Thing One came home from choir practice and sat in said window seat, I reminded her, "be careful, there's wet silicone seal behind you. Don't mess it up."

To which she replied, "It's a good thing you said that, 'cause I was just about to lick it."

Ew.

And a few minutes later, Muffin-cat was found stalking on the dining room table, apparently munching on something. Hubby picked her up and unceremoniously dumped her on the floor, thinking she was eating something left behind by a lazy child.

Instead, he exclaims "WHAT are you eating the BAND-AIDS for?!?"

Ew again.

To top it all off, Thing One complained on her Face Book status about getting braces on today. She said "Braces are weird and annonying." And her friend posted a video in reply, saying "So is this."

And then we all watched in horror with the occasional hysterical giggle. I had seen it before, and I think it is so weird that I can only recommend that EVERYONE see it at least once:

Somebody seriously has too much time on their hands.

Spiders?

Ew a lot.

Weighty matters

2011-11-17T23:42:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I have become.....sedentary. And weight gain has been the unfortunate result. I started a diet a couple months ago, and I'm down 15 lbs. I've been gently encouraging Hubby to join me in the quest to rediscover my waistline, and I think I might have sparked a little interest. Here's the conversation we had in the car this morning on the way to work:

Hubby: I've started a diet!

Me: Really.

H: It's a PIE diet!

M: A PIE diet? (thinking that PIE would be some kind of acronym and forgetting that Luke Skywalker's leftover birthday pie is still in the fridge...)

H: YES! I eat nothing but pie! Pie is good, right? I has healthy things like bananas! And it includes the Sugar group!

M: I'm not sure if that is a good thing.

H: Yeah, it is! Whipped cream has like some kind of milk in it, right?

M: *facepalm*

H: The best part is that when we run out of pie I can't eat anymore and I will lose weight. WIN!

(I think he presumes that I have forgotten that Thanksgiving is next week, and that pie will become a staple over the next six weeks. I predict weight gain.)
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Luke Skywalker ages gracefully.

2011-11-15T13:38:00.001-07:00

My little boy is growing up and is super old. Seriously. When Thing One turned 14, I cried. No less today, when the second youngest is old enough to attend Stake dances. But he still can't date, so no true despair yet.

I must say that this sweet boy has provided me with more beautiful photos than perhaps any of the other children. He always has a smile on his face, and is a more willing helper that all the other children combined. He is not allowed to ever grow up and leave me. He can just keep living here forever.

Here's my cute baby:

...at the demolition derby...

...taking shelter from the rain and eating raspberry ice cream at Bear Lake...

...impersonating a wall on behalf of Pyramus and Thisbe...

This play was performed at his magnet school a couple years ago, Pyramus and a lot of others joined us last weekend for Luke's party. Funny things happen when you get a bunch of uber-smart geek boys together...

Unknown to the boys, I took a transcript of a conversation about rocks that occured over cake.

Geek One: We should totally make a comic strip on that!
Geek Two: Yeah! and Igneous Man would have awesome fire powers.
Geek One: Composite Man would be able to break down into smaller super heros whenever he wanted.
Geek Three: And Fossil would be really old, and he'd keep saying "Back in my day..."

Ah, the joys of geekery.

Happy Birthday my wonderful boy!
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A few letters I've been meaning to write.

2011-11-07T13:25:00.002-07:00

Dear Upcoming Holiday Season,

You are giving me stress already. I'm worried again I will fall short and not get anything done in time for Christmas. I won't get the lights up, or the tree up, or my presents completed. I will forget to get a gift for SOMEONE again, not sure who this time. I will compose the Annual Epistle of Exaggeration and Falsehoods, and STILL not mail it out, because I'm already a month late getting our family picture taken. I am taking the easy way out again finding an awesome charity to donate to intead of making 3000 burnt cookies for the neighbors. For my co-workers and family, I'm going to have to go to the internet again for simple crafts I can make cheap and quick, and then I won't finish said crafts. Do you think that we could maybe postpone Christmas a week or two so I have a chance this year?

With undying gratitude,
Harried Housewife

Dear World Wide Web,

Thank you so much for the service you provide. Never have I had so many ways to kill time and accomplish nothing when I should really be cleaning my house. Who ever knew that I would rather read about Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage instead of the newest book by Orson Scott Card? I wouldn't, really, I try to avoid anything about celebrities whenever I can, but I got distracted when I was looking for ideas for Christmas gifts, and the next thing you know, I actually know the name of that poor guy she married.

Sincerely,
A mother looking for LESS information

p.s. If Farmville were to mysteriously disappear (while I might initially appear to be very upset) it would be a good thing.

Dear Pinterest,

Our relationship is an interesting one. I love you, yet I hate you. I came to you looking for some Christmas craft ideas, then wandered around looking at what my friends have posted. Maybe if you would stop posting lovely things and sucking me into a vortex of wasted time looking at stuff that I love but can never have, I might be able to spend more time with you.

Until we meet again in five minutes,
Addicted

Dear Friends who post awesome things on Pinterest for me to look at,

Stop it. Right NOW. Or I'm going to have to hurt you.

Love, Me

Rawwr.

2011-11-04T07:15:00.000-06:00

Hubby has a trip coming up. He's had to take on some more responsibilities at work, and if that means a raise, I'm all for it.

Lately he's had to take a number of trips to talk to donors for his department at the university. Folks who might be interested in past projects and want to help fund the projects he is working on currently or in the future (some of his more fun stuff has to do with Mesoamerican swords and pre-Columbian DNA). He likes this a lot, because the donors are generally pretty sharp people who enjoy the stuff he's working on, and sometimes they get to go out for STEAK! (I don't like cholesterol, so I rarely feed hubby red meat, because I'm so mean to him that I want him with me forever.) I really think he's in it for the steak.

This month he has the opportunity to do something a little different. Here's how he explained it to me:

Hubby: "Looks like I'm going to Mexico this time."

Me: "Really? What's up with that?"

H: "Some kinda dig, or something. I'll be gone for about ten days, somewhere in the wilderness of the Baja desert."

M: "Sounds fun! Who are you going into the wilderness with? Anyone interesting?"

H: "Just a bunch of people from the university. I think one is a botanist, and an archaeologist, and some other folks. I'll be the DNA guy on this trip."

M: "Ummm.....really? Any lawyers?"

H: "Lawyers? I don't think so. Why?"

M: "Because your trip has already been made into a movie, and the lawyer was the first one to get eaten by a dinosaur. Maybe you should stay home."
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Halloween: The Aftermath

2011-11-02T12:26:00.001-06:00

I'm a mean mom, I cut my kids off the free candy thing at thirteen. I figure by that age they're old enough to go out and make trouble with their friends instead of asking for handouts. And that way, if they don't go out with friends to make trouble, I can make them answer the door and hand out treats instead of me!

Luke Skywalker stayed home for the first time, and handed out treats.

Screamapillar only had this to say "Mom, you made us the LAME house!"

The lame house? Us? What the heck does that mean? We have our awesome windows and tombstones! And a cd playing "Monster Mash." How could we possibly be the lame house?

It's because of the "treat" we were handing out. Vampire teeth.

I don't know about you, but with all the candy out there, it's nice when you get something fun. Plus, Hubby says, when they're rotted out their teeth with all the candy, we've already provided them with a replacement set!

As a result of my mean-momness, Eclair is the only person in our household still old enough to go ask strangers for candy. When she got home with her loot, she was immediately set upon by her siblings.

Screamapillar: "You have to pay the sister-tax. Can I have some of the Snickers?"

Thing Two: "YES! She has CHOCOLATE! Brother tax!!"

Thing One: "You love me, doncha sweetie? Can I have some candy? Sister tax, you know!"

Luke Skywalker just looked at the two gallon-size bags of candy, trying not to drool. She gave him all her Twix, because he looked so pitiful.

The next morning, she was rooting through the bags, looking for breakfast. "HEY! Who ate all my Tootsie Rolls?"

You forgot to pay the Daddy and Mommy Tax, dear.
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Still looking for a costume?

2011-10-30T10:31:00.004-06:00

Here's what my three youngest will be appearing in (sneak preview courtesy of party at church last week):

Here's Luke Skywalker, wearing the finest in Geek Chic:

For anyone who doesn't watch the Discovery chanel, he's emulating Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters. I didn't want to pay $20 for a logo shirt off the internet, so I hand paited that little number there with craft paints, because I'm an awesome mom. There is just ONE little detail missing to keep this costume from being perfect. But he wouldn't let me shave his head to be bald like Jamie.

Watch out, the next one is kinda scary:

Don't quite know what this is? Well, that would be because Eclair (thinks that she) invented it.
a vam-pirate! Makes you want to run right out and buy some plastic teeth, doesn't it.

And last, but not least, Screamapillar:

Not sure what that is, I think she called it "Costume I Threw Together in the 12 Minutes I Had Between Play Practice and the Ward Party."

Things One and Two have yet to reveal their costumes. I know Thing One has some diabolical costume plan in the works that includes Boyfriend, I'm not sure what. I'm pretty sure that Thing Two plans to sleep through the entire day. I'll let you know.

Beginnings, endings and the stuff that comes in between

2011-10-29T10:27:00.001-06:00

If I'm not careful, this blog could come to look like a "public notice" column in the newspaper. What with all my reporting of people havin' babies and birthdays and all, and me feeling obligated to write about it every time....

Based on the activity of the last month, this would become an obit blog entirely. So, to quote Inigo Montoya, " 'S to much to es'plain - lemme sum up."

Update on Jamie's Matt:

After 12 days in the ICU, Matt decided to continue the great adventure on the other side. This leaves Jamie quite devastated, and has been really difficult for my Matt, too. He was only 47, and still probably had another 50 books in that brain of his. Hubby is currently working on getting Matt's final book through final editing and hopefully it will be published in short order. You can read up a little more on Matt on his Wiki page, and tributes were published on a few sites in the webiverse, like Temple Study (but I must amend this entry: the "incident" was not heart failure, the cause of his collapse is still undetermined, and it was the Wilkinson Center not the Library, where it occurred, that's me, being a stickler over the details). We held a graveside service on October 7th, followed by a large memorial service the following week on October 15. The outpouring of love for dear Jamie at this event was pretty fantastic.

While Jamie's Matt was in the hospital my grandpa passed away.

He was always a tough guy, a contractor by trade. He was a man who loved to work with his hands, and he worked hard. He instilled in his boys a rock-solid work ethic. He also loved to cook, and the kitchen in my grandparent's home was HIS DOMAIN. He always had a smile on his face, and a very ready laugh. He's been on his own since my grandma passed away 13 years ago, and has known for a while his time was coming. His was not an untimely death, as he was 96 years old, and ready to go. He chose to donate his body to science through the UCLA medical center, and eschewed anything to do with a funeral - no service, no obituary, no stress or travel for the family (especially as one of his sons, my Uncle Darryl, had passed away on the opposite side of the country just shortly ago). He lived a very full life, and we have lots of good memories to hold on to.

In September, Hubby's Aunt Ellen passed away.

She was the matriach of this tribe, full of crazy fun cousins who have been like sisters to me since I married into this family twenty-three years ago. Ellen is the baby girl in her family, my MIL's littlest sister. She was SO much fun to be around. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor six years ago, and valiantly fought it off to buy six more jam-packed years with her family. Her funeral....well, let's just say that you shouldn't have so much fun at a funeral. She didn't want anyone to mourn, and asked Uncle Perry to "tell it like it is" in his eulogy. It was truly a celebration of her life. Here are a few gems Uncle Perry shared:

While making the arrangements for the funeral, they asked Ellen if she wanted an open casket. The cancer hadn't been kind to her in the last months, and she replied "I will haunt you forever if you open that casket." and she MEANT it.

When summing up about Ellen's relationship with her children and the difficulties she faced getting them through their teenage years, Uncle Perry said "They had a lot of problems. For one thing, Seth. (pause) That didn't come out right, now did it?"

During a Primary program at church when her son Burke was just little, instead of quoting his memorized part in the program, he said into the microphone "Mom?! I hate you, Mom!"

The congregation at the funeral laughed so hard that they cried. I'm sure Ellen was laughing along with us, she didn't want anyone to be sad.

Endings. Far too many of them.

And more beginnings too:

Now, that's a little guy who looks happy to be here. We've been blessed with lot's of new little ones this year. The newest is Rocky, here, son of my friend Jack. Rocky decided to make things difficult for his poor mama, and show up more than a week overdue.

I think he was worth the wait. And a nice thing to celebrate after so much recent loss.