ThereGoesJill

Dealing with Anxiety

2016-01-28T13:32:00.000-08:00

I'm very much an independent woman but living with anxiety makes it a little harder. Little things, such as going to get gas or going to the mall by myself, are accomplishments in my eyes. When I start a new class I'm nervous about, I tend to feel the need to just run out of the classroom. It takes a lot, on my part, for me to just stay put and wait for class to start. However most things are not as bad as I initially think it will be.

Anytime I feel extra anxious, my legs start to feel numb. After getting out of an anxiety-inducing situation, I also tend to find it difficult to go to sleep. I hope that one day, my anxiety will dissipate and I'll be able to go about normal, every day situations like most people. Sometimes I wish more people understood about my situation, just so they could see the reasoning behind some of my actions.

I started Spring semester this Tuesday and I'm already feeling anxious. I have to try to push it away and just deal with it so I can apply to nursing colleges after this semester.

Grateful

2015-05-03T17:31:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we just need to stop and see all of the things that we have going for ourselves. I'm so very grateful to have a wonderful family, the sweetest boyfriend, and an amazing best friend. I have such great friends that support me and that I can lean on. I'm living my life in a first world country in a house with running water and electricity. I have a job I enjoy with fun coworkers and I'm working on achieving my goals in school. It's great to think positively. I'm overwhelmed with how happy I am in life right now.

To think I used to be so depressed and suicidal a few years ago. I truly am so grateful I got to go on with my life and pushed through all of my sadness to find the peace and happiness that I have now. Yes, I still have my problems, my anxiety attacks, and all the stress I carry in hopes of a better future but sometimes you just have to push through and keep climbing the mountain even if you don't know what the view from up there looks like yet. You don't even have to force yourself to do it so fast. You can take your own time. Slowly and steadily. Just take a look at your surroundings and if the weight on your shoulders becomes too heavy a burden, you can always ask someone for help.

I've taken up running again and it feels so good and freeing to just feel like you're one with the wind. I can't wait until school frees up more so I can read more too. I just like this sense of peace I have with myself. Sometimes I'll just look up at the sky and look around me and it's just all so beautiful to me. It makes me think that sometimes its just the little things in life. The little things get us through the big things.

Police Brutality & Zimbardo's Prison Experiment

2015-04-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

Police brutality is in the news more and more frequently these days and one can't help but think of the eerie similarity it has with Zimbardo's Stanford Prison Experiment. Didn't Zimbardo's experiment pretty much predict that abuse of power occurs when authority is given to even seemingly normal and psychologically stable people? What about police officers that are racist and sadistic? Wouldn't that produce an even worse outcome?

Our society is so quick to victim blame. We check the victim's criminal record to as a way justify their deaths.

We need to make a change to our law enforcement. Police officers are meant to protect and serve the people. They are meant to uphold laws and regulations and not violate it themselves. We need all of our law enforcement to be like this. There are many cops that are good for our society but there are also some that aren't that make them all look bad. They need to be more precise in teaching cops what to do in certain situations and maybe be more strict with cops that react unnecessarily violent to citizens.

Free your mind

2015-03-23T22:56:00.003-07:00

Free your mind from other ways of thinking. Don't take things simply as they are. Question anything and everything. Think outside of the box. Open your minds to things different than your way of thinking. Enlighten yourselves. Pick up a book. Talk to strangers that have walked a different path than you. Travel somewhere new. Maybe you'll learn something new. About yourself. About others. About life. Open your mind to different ways of doing things. Open your heart to others that think differently than you. Don't just blindly follow the crowd. Like Albert Einstein once said, "What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right." Do your own research. Find and formulate your own opinion. Free yourselves from the chains of society. Learn. From everyone and everything.

Don't put up with anyone less than you deserve

2015-03-05T14:30:00.002-08:00

Everyone deserves someone that treats them like a queen/king. If someone were to truly love you, they would bend over backwards trying to please you. They would do things that they don't necessarily like doing but they do it anyway because they want to make you happy. If they live far away, maybe they'd make some time out of their busy lives to drive down to see you or at least take some time to Skype you. If you live nearby but you both have super busy lives, they could take some time to surprise you with a cup of coffee.

You can't make people care. You can't make people do things. If they care, they'll find a way to show you. If they want to do something for you, they'll do it. If there's something you need or want in your relationship that you're not getting, you need to communicate it with that person. Communication is always the key to relationships. Both people need to listen to the needs of the other. If it continues to be that way, there's really not much you can do. If they want to change, they'll change. You can't change people that don't want to be changed. I think everyone can find someone that would treat them like they're the most special person in the world. Just know that there's someone out there who would treat you way better than you could ever imagine.

Of course it should be reciprocated. They deserve to be treated just as well as they treat you. You need to let that person know that you appreciate all the little and big things they do for you. Just as they should do for you.

Florida Trip!

2015-03-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited about my Florida trip with my boyfriend. We bought our plane tickets and got our seats and it's finally becoming a reality. I've been planning on going for over a year now.

I've been putting a little bit of my money into a jar for over a year. I have sooo many ones and fives but I've really saved enough for my plane ticket and a little more. You guys should try it. It really works. It's money that you don't even notice is gone because it's money that usually goes towards Taco Bell or something.

Naples, FL

Downtown Naples

Anyways, it can't come sooner. I'm looking up all these activities that I can do in Naples. They have so many fun things like paddle tours through the mangroves, swamp buggy tours, dolphin and manatee tours, water-propelled jet pack adventures, etc. Downtown Naples looks so beautiful and it looks like they have some nice museums and art centers as well. It's just going to be so nice to get away and explore new places and do different things.

Harry Potter World, Universal Studios

And of course I can't forget about Harry Potter World! I swear I'm going to spend all my money there. It's my childhood dream come true. My family went without me (the true Harry Potter fan) and they loved it even without the train being open. The train is up and fully functioning now though so I'm sure I'm going to love it even more. I'm planning on reading the series again before I go so I can get even more excited about it.

Diagon Alley, Harry Potter World

Updating my blog - whoops four years goes by so fast

2015-03-04T08:44:00.001-08:00

I'm going to start writing in this again. This is exciting. It's interesting how some of my interests have changed so much within four years but at the same time, my thought process is still pretty much the same. I've been so busy ever since school started. There's so many things I want/have to do. I am so busy with school work, work, and drill but at the same time I also want to hang out with my boyfriend, my friends, and my family. I also wish I had some time just for myself to draw or read or just do what I please. I truly can't wait for spring break to come. I feel so squished with all my school work and I can't wait to just relax a bit. I'm going to be making some time for myself to write my thoughts down on this blog though. It's always nice to look back on my own feelings and thoughts at a different time.

Mmmm fake chicken...

2011-11-01T09:23:00.001-07:00

This product is from Gardein and it's called mandarin orange chick'n. It's the best fake chicken I've ever tried so far. At first, I was a little disappointed when I saw that it didn't really look like the cover. Then I took a bite -- and mmm!! So good! It's crunchy and chewy on the sides and the sauce is delish! Even my meat eating, chicken loving younger sister, Jasmine loved it. She says it tastes like the real thing. I told her to try a piece and she just kept on reaching out for more. Now I know to make this when I'm craving some Chinese takeout. 2 thumbs up!

Money, money, money

2011-09-27T14:23:00.001-07:00

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world! -Mamma Mia

My health teacher told my class that the reason most marriages end up in divorce is because of money. Why is that? That makes me want to question if those two individuals married each other for the right reasons in the first place. I believe that if you truly, madly, deeply were in love with someone, then the two of you wouldn't let money be the variable that tears the two of you apart.

This couple sticks together no matter what. They're homeless and while it may seem like they have nothing, they actually have each other. That's all that matters, right? To find someone that you care so much about that you'd do anything for them and they feel the same about you? And to be happy and feel loved?

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love & be loved in return. -Eden Ahbez

Money. To me, it just seems like such a stupid thing to fight over. You use it to buy materialistic things. Period. It shouldn't break up love. If that's what it was to begin with.

My Thoughts On Money

Every day you work hard to earn money. Then you keep on saving it. What is the point of saving all the time? Eventually, you're going to die and you won't be able to make use of your hard-earned money. You should just spend it (not like a spendthrift) and be happy. Use that cash (wisely) and have fun with it!

Back to reality...the civilian world.

2011-09-22T15:34:00.000-07:00

So I was gone alllll summer. I was at Fort Jackson for Basic Combat Training. I graduated from it on September 1, 2011 and since I am still in high school, I didn't go straight to AIT. For roughly 10 weeks, I made the bay my home and my battle buddies my family. I was sooo nervous on the airplane and I grew even more nervous and anxious as us, recruits, boarded the bus to take us to Ft. Jackson. I didn't know what to expect at all. I mean, I researched quite a bit about Ft. Jackson beforehand but research has got absolutely NOTHING on firsthand experience.

Reception lasted about three days and maaaaaan did I hate reception. It was so long, boring, and just ewwww. The girls constantly yelled, argued, and bickered about petty things. That kinda crap gives me a headache. I wasn't used to wearing those boots. Breaking them in is a long, painful process, especially cos I had a giant cut on my foot prior to heading off to Ft. Jackson.

I loved BCT itself though. I thought the people in my platoon were pretty amazing. I wouldn't have traded them for any other platoon in the battalion. I thought it was sooo much fun. Really. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I absolutely loved the obstacle courses. Those things are absolutely amazing. I swear it's like a giant jungle gym for big kids.

I thought my drill sergeants were pretty funny and cool once I got to know them. I was hella scared at first. I did get in trouble for minor things though (lol like dancing). And I did get really sick during the last two weeks. I was coughing all over the place, I got pinkeye, my back and my leg hurt were in pain, my throat hurt like hell, my feet had giant cuts on the heels, and I had blisters on my toes. So during that final PT test, I was a messed up little mofo but luckily I still passed.

I miss my battle buddies a lot though. Making friends with the people in my platoon and even outside my platoon made BCT sooo much easier. I really could not have made it out without them.

The one thing I really strongly disliked doing were the rucksack marches. Actually, they weren't too bad, it's just that I'm short so it's hard for me to keep up with people with longer legs. I feel like I speedwalk the whole darn thing. For some reason I messed up my feet really bad during the last march we did, which is really weird cos my feet never got that messed up before. I even wore my Foxriver socks and lots of moleskin.

Oh well...And even with all the uneventful things that happened to me, I can still say it's an experience of a lifetime. I don't regret going at all. I am actually kind of "baysick" right now. I miss my battle buddies so much. I'm back in school and it feels so repetitive. At least when I was in BCT, I was doing something different everyday. Everyday was full of surprises.

I remember all my battle buddies and I talking about going back home to the "reality" aka "the civilian world" but now I wish I could go back in time and do this whole thing all over. I didn't argue or fight with anyone in my platoon. In fact, I got along with every single one of them. I think about those guys every day and wonder if they miss BCT as much as I do. It's weird, I definitely did not think I would miss Ft. Jackson at all. Sandy, sandy, sandy Ft. Jackson. And did you know that I truly despise sand?

Here's a glimpse of one of the events at BCT. It was the very first obstacle course/event our company did.
Victory Tower

Loveless? Don't put yourself down.

2011-05-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

There will always be those days when you feel like you're the only one without some sort of love life. And you feel left out. And alone...You envy every couple within your eyesight and long for a man (or woman) to sweep you off your feet. And you constantly wonder What's wrong with me? Why haven't I found him yet?

Then you start to think Maybe it's because I'm not pretty enough...Maybe it's because I'm too fat. Maybe it's because I'm not smart. Maybe it's because I should wear more makeup and wear my hair a certain way. Maybe it's because I'm wearing all the wrong clothes.

You get so caught up in your own insecurities that you don't realize how beautiful and intelligent you already are. Think about it: Would the RIGHT person for you care about all these petty little things? NO. Because they would love you just the way you are. You would be attractive in their eyes. You would be a size 2 in their eyes. You would be smart, funny, and interesting in their eyes. They could care less about what clothes you wear, how you wear your hair, or what makeup you do or don't wear. Because they fell in love with you.

Everyone wants a partner that is confident in themselves and proud of who they are. Would you want to be a guy or girl that has no self esteem and is constantly putting themselves down? You have to learn to truly love yourself first before you can love someone else.

Be very, very patient. That special person could be anywhere. When you've found your special somebody, you will just know it. It might take a while, but love wouldn't be so special if you fell in love every day, right?

If you do meet (or have met) the guy or girl of your dreams, make sure to always treat them well and make them feel special. Never ever take them for granted and never let them be the one that got away because true love doesn't happen every day.

All I can say for now is good luck to you, my friend. I'm still looking...

Shiny Party Nails & Bling Bling ;)

2011-05-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

I wasn't able to sleep at all last night, so I decided to do my nails. These nails are the stick on kind. They're black and have all these colorful little 3d gems on them. I got them at Claire's & they run for about $7. I like the design a lot because it's cute & I got a lot of compliments on them today. Next time I use these I'll blowdry them with a blow dryer & apply clear nail polish. They get chipped pretty easily & are somewhat difficult to shape. They'll do for now until I can get my hands on the real thing. =)

Combat Barbie

2011-05-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh. Katrina Hodge is an inspiration. She has beauty, brains, and bravery. When I grow up...I want to be like her...

Here she is in her army uniform:

And here she is modeling:

This girl is like a chameleon!

Mother's Day & Choco Muffins

2011-05-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

Today was mother's day & my sister Jasie & I got our mom a certificate to an hour long massage & Gertrude Hawk chocolate covered almonds (her favorite). I woke up early this morning & was able to make impromptu Vegan Double Chocolate Muffins. To my surprise, they came out really well! They were moist, flavorful, & chocolatey. We went to eat out for brunch. When we got back home afterwards, I took a 5 hour long nap. I haven't gotten that much sleep in forever. School stresses me out so much sometimes. I feel like I need an hour long massage too. :(

Since I slept earlier, I've got a feeling that I'm going to be up all night.