These Hands

Father's Day

2013-06-16T13:31:00.000-06:00

While my Daddy lives thousands of miles away, today I celebrate with my husband and his role in this family, as a husband and a father.

He's one hardworkin' cowboy.

Happy Father's Day to all those Dads out there....the soon to be, the yet to be, and the tenured ones....here's to you.

Giving Up

2013-06-09T20:57:00.000-06:00

No, this is not going to be a recollection of all my downfalls and my pitfalls.

That is what I would have done not too long ago. In fact, that is what I have been trying desperately to turn away from.

That pesky seven letter word. The one we all try to achieve and fool ourselves daily into believing.

Perfect.

It's official folks, I'm not perfect. And it is so exhilarating to say that!! I have many, many flaws, so many that I have fought tooth and nail to hide them away. I always thought that if I was thin enough no one would notice the fact that I am tall, too tall to wear heels and just tall enough to be awkward. Then I thought if I was the top of the class no one would notice how my face beamed red with embarrassment whenever I was called on, fearful of making a mistake. I thought if I was the wife who did it all and was soft-spoken then I could be remembered as the sweet, kind little wife. Once I became I a mom, I thought surely I could juggle it all and do it flawlessly.

Oh how wrong I was.

I am a woman who can move dressers around a bedroom without any help because God made me strong. I am smart and intelligent through the determination that God has laid upon my heart and my mind. I am not meek and I speak my mind, but I try to do so in a way that He sees fit. I drop the balls that I juggle often, but I refuse to let them lay there listlessly on the floor, so I pick them up, and start over again.

The past few months, I have done what I have always wanted to do.

I gave myself a break. I realize that days cannot be molded and shaped into what you want them to be. Rather, I have learned (and continue to learn!) to be flexible and to take it all in stride. I have plenty of road to travel, but I look forward to the journey. There is a freedom nestled between the giving up and the giving in. I think it's called living.

A Lifetime of Stories

2013-05-31T22:16:00.001-06:00

(I had no intention of taking such a long break from blogging, but we have been blessed with company in town, two weeks in a row, and I decided to live in the moment, and be present for all the laughs and all the stories. There will be quite a few posts coming up, as I have scribbled them down, lest I forget :) )

My grandfather has been here for a week long visit, which means there is an extra cup of coffee to make in the morning, another place setting at the table, another person to laugh with, and a whole lifetime of stories.

There is something about grandparents, they have the best stories. I count myself undeniably blessed to have this time with him, to hold tight to his childhood memories and to hear about the people that I never met, but without them, I wouldn't be here. There are the war stories. The love stories. The we-lived-through-hard-time stories. And there are the family secret stories. Each one important and lending itself to the next.

This past week, I have gained insight and knowledge about generations past, and somehow, I feel more connected to my family ties, it's almost as though their legacy continues to live on through those stories, and by sharing the memories, they are never forgotten.

I plan on telling AJ all of them one day, reminding him of where he came from, the generational lineage laid out before him. I will tell him of the strong men who worked laboriously and tirelessly to provide for their families, and I will tell him of the kind women who supported and loved those men.

I will tell him the stories so that he may know just how much he is loved and how he means the world to so many. I will he remind him of the stories so he may remember that while his legacy may not seem grand in the world's eyes, he is the world in ours.

A legacy is only forgotten if you fail to tell the story.

Living on the Prairie

2013-05-20T17:02:00.000-06:00

We live in the panhandle, and tornadoes are part of living here.

We have had our fair share of close calls, but today I am brought to my knees, asking God to guide the first responders to all those who are hurting and scared. Praying for those who are displaced and without a home this evening.

May we all bombarde the gates of Heaven with prayers for refuge, rescue, and safe harbor.

Humble Beginnings

2013-05-14T20:15:00.000-06:00

My wish is to stay broke...

Yep you read that right, but lest you think I have plum lost my mind let me explain.

When I have the least, I give the most.

When I have little, I remember to rely on God for not only His provisions, but also His comfort and His love. My husband and I have talked for days on end about this, and we both agree, we tend to pull away from God when life is easy, but with cling to Him with fervor and earnest when we find ourselves in tight spots. There has been feast and there has been famine in our household, and while we are grateful for every moment and all the in between times, we feel the greatest love rooted in our trust that all will be provided for. In the lean times, we witness the raw love and compassion of God and others.

I welcome anything that may come, as I welcome the sunrise in the morning. I see others accomplishing great things, attaining their dreams, buying their dream home, and I am genuinely happy for them because I am genuinely happy. There is a joy that has taken hold in my heart, an overflowing sense of bliss.

Few things are certain in life, and of those, I can count on these:

1. I never want to become too big for my humble lifestyle.

2. I don't want to forget the feeling of the sun shining down on me as I work beneath the Texas sky, planting and praying for a bountiful harvest.

3. I want to remain in a state of utter gratefulness for all that I have, and while I look, remember that if someone said they needed this or that more than me, that I be willing to give of these things.

4. I never want to forget the overwhelming appreciation of full cabinets. There are children who go hungry everyday, and AJ, never feels the pangs of hunger. As a parent, all you want for your children is a safe and happy life, to be unable to give them nourishment for their growing bodies must be unfathomably difficult. I pray for those sweet children.

5. I want to look at life as a glass-completely full girl. Forget half-full. God granted me with another day, and the ability to go out to the world and change it.

6. Lastly, I want to hold moments close to my heart. Moments of laughter and joy, family dinners, a silly kiddo at bathtime, coffee at the kitchen table with the hubby, mornings spent in the garden, playing chase with Molly and AJ, watching the wind rustle in the trees, thunderstorms rolling across the prairie, the smell of homemade bread, holding my beloved's hand just because.

If life is supposed to be any different than nobody tell me.

And if this is broke, than I'm the richest girl in the world.

Laughing from within

2013-04-29T18:44:00.000-06:00

Ever since our little family grew from two to three, I have learned some of the greatest lessons.

1. Messes are just that, a small reminder of a growing boy exploring the world around him. In the not too distant future, I will miss the spilled milk and tossed Legos. He will only be little once, so I leave the messes.

2. Disney channel beats the news any day of the week. We all seem happier when we watch things with happy endings.

3. You are never too old to make a mud pie.

4. Dinner is a time to share a meal, dangle noodles in front of the dog, and tell funny stories. Dishes can wait, nobody but Mom will notice them anyways.

5. An afternoon at the park will make any day special. Don't over complicate life by planning out the day. Just live in the moment and let life happen.

6. Hold hands, share kisses, sit down to cuddle. Those moments are precious and nothing will ever be more important than taking time to love those around you.

7. Lastly, laugh often. Don't take life so seriously. Laugh from deep within your belly til your cheeks hurt and your eyes are watering. Not only will your mood and outlook improve, but no day should go without happiness and joy. Each day we have together is a gift, one that is not to be squandered or taken for granted.

So there you have it. Once again, I've found life's greatest lessons wrapped up in those mud-pie handprints.

Here's to laughter and love....

The 1 am Post

2013-04-22T00:26:00.002-06:00

Yes, it's true.

Here I am at 1 am, waiting for the laundry to dry, so I can move another load to the wash before bed.

There have been many a times I hoped to write here, but I have an editing project on top of my everyday editing job, and time is s sparse 'round these parts.

We are in full planting mode here, with asparagus, peppers, berries, cherries, onions, lettuce, spinach, chard, garlic, herbs, and soon corn, more onions, carrots, and beets. We try to grow everything we eat, and this year we are hoping for the biggest harvest yet.

My hubby and I have both started heavy workout routines, specifically the Spartacus workout. We both want to optimize our health and we know that a high intensity workout paired with cardio is imperative. Today at the market, a woman stopped and asked if we were 'juicers' since our buggy was full of produce. We just smiled and said no, we just enjoy fruits and veggies. She then proceeded to say that surely AJ didn't eat like us. We kindly answered yes he does as she scoffed and walked away.

We had to chuckle.....we are now known as the produce family in town.

With planting season here, we have been spending ample time in the sun and my oh my, does the fresh air and sunshine feel good! I do believe everyone is a wee bit happier with a hefty dose of Vitamin D.

AJ is such a little man these days. He runs everywhere, and climbs on everything. Very seldom is he still, so the other night when he fell asleep in my arms, I didn't move!

That laundry is just about done.....

Good night all.

The Not-So Famous

2013-04-10T23:50:00.002-06:00

I try to write all of my posts with intention, a practice of writing words of prose while knowing what will follow the preceding words. I have been mulling this post for quite some time, but alas, the days grow shorter, my to-do list gets longer, and I scramble to keep up.

AJ wanted to snuggle tonight, and even though I had plenty to do, I sat with my little one, and remembered the feeling of the rise and fall of his chest, the heavy weight of this growing boy. In the stillness, I remained until he grew restless and wanted to stretch out in bed. But for that hour, I fought back the tears, knowing that life doesn't get any better than times like these.

My heart fills to the brim, until at its peak, the love and adoration for my given life, encompasses all of me, and I can't help but sing songs of praises.

Whenever I get a chance, I sit and read a few blogs. (Albeit not as often as I want to, the job of editing has taken precedence over my time and now there is a consulting editing job to be done in tandem with the first one!). Some of those blogs have a few hundred followers, some have thousands. These women have the equivalent of my town's population following their blogs, awaiting that insight into their daily lives. They draw inspiration for the evening's dinner from their recipes. They look at their sponsors for the perfect pintuck striped shirt for their child's school photos. They heed the authors advice to take pictures in a certain light.

These women talk about how they are planning to write a book. They talk about how a publishing house has chosen to pick up their works and soon the pages will be displayed on bookshelves nationwide.

These women were the ones I was beginning to envy.

And envy is not a good color.

I wanted to be "famous" for lack of a better word, like these women. I wanted to hit the post button and wake up the next morning to see that 30 comments were awaiting my eyes, thirty different people who just had to leave a note about what I wrote.

I wanted to be that blogger with the book deal. What I thought I wanted was to feel important, as though by others acknowledging my presence and my words, I would somehow validate my value as an individual, both personally and professionally.

And then God pulled me back to reality. He placed me among my people.

My husband and my son.

They don't care for fame or fortune, they just ask that I make fresh biscuits every few days. That their favorite t-shirts make it in the days wash. That I skip the chores or bypass the errands for a few more minutes of playing soccer in the front yard. That I hold on a little longer when he goes to hug me.

These are my people. They don't care that I am anyone other than who I am.

With all of that I am so grateful for those who do stop by and read here. Writing is always on my heart, but between work and being a mom and a wife, the days seem to slip away from me.

But that doesn't deter me from finding the time to strike the keys or scribble a quick note.....

Easter Recap

2013-04-01T17:27:00.003-06:00

Our Easter was quiet and simple, just the three of us.

We dyed eggs with blackberries....

We visited our neighbors and had an egg hunt....

We enjoyed tasty food and ate til our bellies couldn't possibly take another bite.

All day, there was the faint whisper of gratitude, a thankfulness for family and the memories we create. Words fail me when thinking of Christ and His resurrection. All I can say is, I thank God for His Son and for the wonder that is my family.

Those two, one man and one boy, have my heart forever. That is something I don't take for granted.

Some things you may not know about me....

2013-03-25T22:06:00.002-06:00

1. My husband is monocular--meaning he only has one eye. After a cliff diving accident gone awry, he had his left eye removed. My husband always had dreams of joining the military and serving his country. He is proud and strong, unwavering in his confidence to defend liberties and freedoms we cherish. He also has a hero complex--one that I am certain would have been his demise had he been in theater. He admires men who selflessly give of themselves so others may live.
Being monocular was the only way God could keep him safe. And for that, I'm grateful every day.

2. I don't own diamonds. In fact, I don't ever want to own a diamond due to the blood diamonds and the destruction and inhumane treatment of others.

3. My husband knows my version of diamonds is through grass-fed butter and grass-fed meats.

4. I'm a whole-foodie, scratch-baking, garden-raising, dirt-loving Mama.

5. I used to think the more make-up I wore, the more time I spent doing my hair, the skinnier I was, the happier I would be. Now, I don't wear much make-up at all, my hair is what it is, and I'm strong rather than skinny.

I've never been happier and more confident :)

6. I still want to write a bestseller, but no publishing how will take my book. (I guess I just haven't found the right one yet :) )

7. Last year, I spent close to 3000 hours pumping for AJ. Given the chance to go back, I would do it all over again.

8. I could have a dozen kiddos. Being a wife and a mom is my greatest accomplishment.

9. I used to dream of a big farmhouse--now I dream of a piece of land.

10. My house is a mere 1,000 sq. feet, but ever square inch is cherished and loved, making it not a house, but home.

As Cute as Can Be

2013-03-19T12:13:00.000-06:00

We officially have our friends over to watch movies now :)

For Love of a Small Town (pt.2)

2013-03-12T21:27:00.000-06:00

Continuing on with the stream of thought and my love for this little town, I would have to say, I love the quiet.

And I'm not talking about a moment here or there when the world seems to take a breather. No, I'm talking about the kind of quiet that settles over the earth and creates its own sense of peace. The quiet wraps the land like a gentle fog, blanketing and muffling the outside world. Here, in this place, you can hear the gallop, the clap of horses hooves on the barren land. Thunder clouds roll in with a deafening rumble, just as the wind howls with vengeance across the prairie.

Just the other night, my husband said the night was so still that he could hear me blink! And even when Molly goes to work on the farm, I can hear her bark from the deepest corner.

As it is, AJ does not like toys that are very loud, nor does he like sing-a-long books or the TV to be much more above a whisper. We all like the quiet and find that when the peace descends upon the home, we all take a deep breath, knowing that no words need to be spoken, no songs need to be sung, no volumes need to be turned up.

There is peace in the quiet, so the quiet is where we shall be.

For the love of a small town

2013-03-05T17:26:00.001-07:00

My love for small town living grows daily. Years ago, when I lived among the concrete jungle of Southern California, I dreamed of wide open spaces, with fresh air and open fields. I dreamed of a place where I could relax and enjoy God's creation, blanketed by the blue, open sky above. I had my dreams, nestled in my pocket and anchored over my heart, and I held on tightly to those dreams, always hoping one day they might come to fruition.

In honor of my love of this small town, I plan to take note weekly of my reasons why I love this place. I could sit and write them down all at once, but with work and my youngster in tow, there just isn't enough 'me' time to do it!

So in honor of AJ's first birthday that came and went, I would like to honor my wonderful neighbors.....their love for my family is one that I had not found until moving to this lil' ole' slice of Heaven. For AJ's birthday, they brought over their horses and baby goats, bringing the petting zoo to our homestead. The kiddos were able to ride horseback and bottled feed little day old goats, just their size.

(A little cowboy in the making, my little man is well on his way to becoming a full-fledged cowboy.)

The sense of community and belonging is bar-none, one of best feelings in the entire world. We have friends here. There are people who care about us, and we care about them.

Nuthin' better than that.

The Buckaroo's First Birthday

2013-02-25T16:15:00.001-07:00

There is no better feeling than celebrating the birth of a sweet little one with loved ones. I look back on AJ's first birthday and I have to choke back the tears as I reflect on a day of love and happiness. The weather was perfect, the chili was yummy, the company was delightful. It was wonderful.

And since in these times, pictures capture the moments we hope to remember the most, here are some from that day. One of the best day's of my life.

There is something both humbling and comforting when you are surrounded by people who love not only your son, but you as well. We all need to feel that sense of community every once in awhile. It sustains us and gives our souls the nourishment we crave.

To say my cup overflowed would be an understatement.

The best year ever

2013-02-17T23:20:00.000-07:00

I figured I should take the time to write this down lest I forget later.

Three days ago, we celebrated AJ's first birthday.

One day ago, we had the perfect birthday celebration.

And not a moment passes that I don't stop and thank God for my life, my family, my friends, and for the wonderful blessing I call my son.

This is for you my son, a note on your first birthday.

My little one,

A year ago, our lives changed forever when we had you. You were perfect, not too big and not too little, you were content to be just right. You lit our world on fire when you were born, and since the day you arrived, we have loved you more and more.

I look at you, and I am amazed. Your little mind is working at a rapid rate. You don't like others to intervene and help you, rather, you prefer to figure things out for yourself. You have an independent streak a mile wide, and you don't like others to tell you what to do. You have a tenacity for life, an uninhibited zeal for adventure. I never see fear in your eyes, you just look on like you already know, God will take care of you. I love that you believe in a trust so deep that not even words could describe it.

You live to be outside. I dream of what you will grow up to become, from a lawyer to a doctor, to a rancher or a farmer, and then I circle back to one singular thought--I want you to be like your Daddy. I want you to be hard-working and selfless, kind and compassionate, quiet and strong. Your Daddy is a man who may not have riches here on Earth, but his faith is exemplified by the depth of his character. Your Daddy loves you to the moon and back, as do I.

You are our world.

There are babies all over the world who are hurt or sick, scared or alone. You may not have much, but you are healthy and safe with us. I cry often when I look at you and know your little body is healthy and whole. I storm the gates of Heaven with prayers of Thanksgiving for keeping you safe and well.

I know there was more I wanted to write, but words seem to be eluding me. Your story is far from over my little one, in fact, it is just the beginning. My prayer is that you will write the story that you want to, that you will dare to dream the impossible, and that you will run the race set out in front of you. Grab life by the horns my son, live life to the fullest, and never waste a day. Time is precious, make everyday count.

I will be here for all of it, and I will love you all of my days.

With love on your birthday,
Mama

No Days Off for a Cowboy

2013-02-12T17:11:00.003-07:00

There is something about a cowboy's heart, so full and loving, hard-working and true.

They work from sun up til sundown without a day off, saying little in the way of cause or complaint.

Always by their side is a trustworthy dog, a constant companion to tag along on the endless days.

And it just so happens that I married a cowboy.

An Earthly Angel

2013-02-03T17:23:00.002-07:00

As the saying goes, you never know when you are entertaining angels...

We have seen unimaginable feats of kindness and generosity these past few years. There has been moments when financially things have been tight, and we wondered how the needs would be met. We stood there unknowing of the path before us, scared to move forward, but fearful to remain stagnant. We wondered how the ends would meet, or if the ends were too frayed and too frazzled to stitch together. In all our wondering, we need not to have feared, God had our backs.

All around us there were hidden angels. They were disguised as the neighbor who dropped by with fresh deer meat, claiming he had too much and not wanting any to go to waste. Their wings were hidden beneath the flannel overcoat of a friend who just happened to give a quarter of the pecan harvest, as long as we were willing to crack and remove the shells. Their halos were disguised by the cowboy hat of a family member who dropped off sacks of new clothing for our little guy when we wondered what he would wear after a grow spurt. Their kind hearts glowed brightly as they patiently did all they could to assist with the day to day, while the Lord blessed me with a job to do from home.

My eyes well up just thinking about them....

Friends, we don't often know where the day will lead us, but I do know where I have been. And with every grocery trip, with every bill paid, I feel a gratefulness of spirit so deep that it is simply in-explainable with words. The ability to make a nourishing meal while the kiddo plays with his toys and the warmth from the heater radiating is a blessing from above. I am a blessed girl, with the love of a good man, the sweet hugs of a little boy, the promise from Him, and the kindness of angels here on earth.

Here, in this Place

2013-01-28T09:17:00.001-07:00

The sight of a child laughing wildly at the leaves blowing by.

The heavy, earthly smell of a good farm dog, laced with sweat from the day's work.

The sweet, crisp morning air etched in a glimmering fog.

The checking off of chores from the to-do list, making way for puzzles, long walks, and sticky baby fingers.

The warmth and protection of his hand on my back as he leads me into a room.

The smell of homemade bread and the promise of full bellies.

The blessing of work and the provision it provides.

The thing called family, a piece of Heaven on Earth.

Time Heals Old Wounds

2013-01-18T19:38:00.001-07:00

Never has a saying rang ever true than this one.....

Just the other day, the hubby and I were talking about where we have been and where we hope to be headed. We have walked through hard times together, holding on and remaining strong together. We have had our fair share of hiccups and heartbreaking moments, but we remained steadfast and committed. We vowed to walk this road together, unsure of the switchbacks, hills, and steep climbs that lay ahead. We trudged on together.

And over the course of miles and miles, we have come upon a road well traveled and worn. We don't know the way, but we trust in the capabilities of our Creator and each other to see this through. We don't feel the need to flee or run for cover anymore. Our hearts were shattered in tiny pieces and throughout this journey, God had begun to put the pieces back in place.

With the dawn of a new day came the promise of new opportunity. We spent less time looking back and more time looking forward. With our eyes set to the horizon, we took a deep breath, knowing that He alone knows the path. So instead of fumbling about trying to figure this journey we call life out, we tossed the map aside and gave in to faith.

Those days consumed by darkness helped to bring us to a place of light and life. For that reason alone, we will be ever grateful of such heartache. This is the time for positive affirmations, happy memories, belly laughs, and cheek-pinching smiles. Our hearts are light as we rejoice in coming through the darkness. This light will not be taken for granted and should we be faced with darkness again, we will walk and we will wait for the light that comes in time.

A Few Random Notes

2013-01-08T00:37:00.000-07:00

First off, this may be short since I sliced my finger on a mandolin today making sweet potato chips. Ouchie.....(never mind the fact that my other thumb just healed from a carving knife fiasco).
My son started walking! He took his first step on 12/21/12 and now there is no stopping him! I'm pretty sure that by his first birthday he will be at a full-fledged sprint.
The weather here in Texas has been bone-chilling cold and I am loving it! Soup is in the works again this week as is some homemade bread. I can smell the bread baking in the oven as we speak.
I am now up to three jobs.....yep, that's me. No sleep, and none of those jobs are counted under the mommy/wife column. But that's okay. God will give me the strength I need to see this season of life through. My family is depending on me to see to it that the bills get paid, especially since my husband is in school full time. Time to circle the wagons.
We will be celebrating a first birthday very soon! The theme is a cowboy/chili cookout. I have plans of decorating with hay bales, mason jars, candles, cowboy gear, and red and white checkered tablecloths. (90% of these items are already in my house!). We are going to cook the chili outside over the open fire pit. It will be low-key, simple, cozy, and one down home, good ole honky tonk!
If I get ahead of myself, I begin to wonder how I will manage to get through the coming days, but I trust in God and His ability to see me through.
That picture shows how we do chores now....he screams at the top of his lungs if he sees me outside and doesn't get to come. So we compromised. He bundles up and sits with a toy or two in his stroller while I work. I'm pretty sure he has the better end of the deal!
And now I must wrap this up....typing sans a thumb is getting to be tricky. Bring on the week ahead!

On That 25th Day

2012-12-30T23:20:00.001-07:00

Christmas was one for the books.

As a child, there are those elaborate notions of what Christmas is like--the magic, the warmth, the beauty.

The glow of those twinkle lights intertwined with the pine needles of the Christmas tree. Crimson bows adorned on presents nestled beneath a proud evergreen.

Folks skip around, happy and joyful with never a stranger near.

There is something about the season, it has a way of wrapping you up in its grasp and refusing to let you go.

And this year, I experienced a whirlwind combo of a child's Christmas mixed with a Mama's love for her son.

There was a thought never too far from my mind, as I looked on at my growing son. I couldn't help but think of Mary and Joesph and the birth of their Son. The love you have for your children is one that far surpasses all understanding and comprehension.

It is a love that runs deeper than any ocean, and stands stronger than any mountain. This love consumes you from the inside out, and all you can think to do is hold them close and never let go.

With the New Year upon us, many will be making New Year's resolutions, promising to better themselves, to eat healthier, to exercise more, to be more patient, to show love, to be happy, to be more fiscally responsible, to give more of themselves, to volunteer when they can, to donate what they have......and while each of these are respectable and positive in their own light, I do believe that we shouldn't wait til the beginning of a new year to better ourselves or the lives of those around us. The gift is nestled within the dawn of a new day.

We have an opportunity to do what we can with the time we have.

Life demands that we seek it out.

That we strive for better.

That we go with gusto.

That we dare to walk where no one else has.

That we take the journey ahead.

That we do all we can with what we have.

Life begins each day, within each hour, within each minute that passes.

Life is waiting.....

And if the magic of Christmas wasn't enough for my already bursting heart, God gave me my first ever white Christmas, on my son's first Christmas nonetheless.

So we put on bear cub hats, and bared the blustery winds.

And there it was.

Another perfect day.

Happy 2012.....and happy 2013.

With sweet memories in hand, I say, bring on the days ahead.

Merry Christmas

2012-12-25T00:32:00.000-07:00

There is nothing cuter than a kiddo with twinkle lights.....

We wish each and every one of you....

A very Merry Christmas!

(Even if you think Santa is a little scary and refuse to let go of Dad :) )

What Do You Say?

2012-12-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure if or how I would attempt to write this post.

My everyday life has gone on like normal. We went to visit Santa (at our library nonetheless since we don't have a department store of any sort) and then we got our Christmas tree. Our little family had a wonderful time, and together, we made Christmas ornaments. It was what memories are made of.

But there are those who don't have that normal anymore.

I'm sure it goes without saying, but what happened in Conneticut, brought us to our knees. My husband and I both couldn't help but think about the children and adults affected by that day. Heaven's gates were much too busy on Friday, and there will be a hole this Christmas for too many families.

We took extra time this weekend. We smiled more. We laughed louder. We held hands just because. We threw out the lists and chose to live in the moment. We decided to honor those who left this world with our lives.

And now, we are continuing to honor them by taking what we gleaned from this weekend and applying everyday. The arguments dissipate. Snide remarks go unsaid. We are relishing in the time we have together, the now and not the later. We have chosen love, family, patience, kindness, peace.

I couldn't help but think as I began to fret about getting everything done this Christmas that there are Mom's and Dad's who were fretting about the same thing, and now their kiddos will not be home for Christmas. That is an ache and a pain so deep that words would elude anyone trying to convey it. So I threw out the lists, and even now, we still don't have lights on the house and we decided to bake just one type of cookie. There is no rush, no hustle and bustle, only a peace that has descended upon our home. We are focusing our eyes on God, and thanking Him for this time together.

I hope and pray that this Christmas, you may also find peace, joy, and a love so deep that your heart overflows. Let that overflow spill over to those who need it, and may we all remember that we know not the time or the hour, and all we have is right now.

Merry Christmas my dear friends.

Breathing for a Moment

2012-12-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

There is much to learn from the lessons our little ones can teach us. I find myself amazed at how such a little person carries with them so much knowledge.

I watch as he readies to take his first step. Each time he goes to walk, he isn't quite there, but he tries nonetheless. Perseverance.

His laughter bellows from deep in his belly, a sound filled with happiness and contentment. Joy.

He sits quietly with the sun's rays dancing around his feet. Peace.

Whenever someone walks into the room, his face lights up with excitement at the sight of you. Benevolence.

His chubby little fingers reach out and touch my face, singing a song straight to my heart. Love.

One of the greatest joys has been learning from my son to be patient and understand that things take time. Just the other day, I told him to be patient and to take his time, and no sooner did I finish saying those words, did I realize that I should take my own advice more often. I have grown impatient with some aspects of life, refusing to recognize that all I need to do is wait. We have grown accustomed to thinking that everything needs to happen now, or rather yesterday. I have been camped in this school of thought for far too long, and as I watch my son try over and over to learn something new, and rejoice in the moment that he figures it out, I want to do the same.

I want to keep trying, and despite failing, I want to get up over and over again. I want to have the moment of pure elation when I realize the very thing I worked so hard for has come to fruition.

There is much to be learned from 'taking our time'. When the days seem rushed and the hours flint by, remember to take a moment, to find your inner kiddo and just give it time.

A Perfect Day

2012-12-05T15:44:00.003-07:00

There are moments when upon completion of the day, when I take a moment to reflect, that I realize life is just as I had hoped it would be. Every so often, when diving into the recesses of my brain, it dawns on me that I had a perfect day.

Today was a perfect day.

To an outsider, nothing spectacular happened today, but for me, it was a day that I hope to always remember. I do believe that given the opportunity each and every one of us is capable of having the perfect day. On this perfect day, I did not go any place special or have any visitors, but I did have a moment when what I once thought was black and white came into color. You see, the past couple years came with their fair share of trials, and I began to feel that pang associated with a sadness that runs deep. My world looked black and white, and while I was happy, I was not the utter contented happy I knew I could be. I have been praying for God to heal my heart, to fill my heart to the point of overflowing so that I may love my family to the best of my ability.

And then without even thinking about it, God painted my world in the most beautiful colors. As I stood in the backyard, listening to hymns, and working the earth beneath my feet, I noticed the golden hues dancing across the setting sun.

Sweat began to bead up on my brow, dirt collected under my fingernails. My heartbeat picked up and my body warmed with the blood pulsating from within. I felt alive, from my soul to my body. As I worked, I prayed to God, thanking Him for all He has done and continues to do in my life and in that of my family's.

When the work was all done, I sat quietly on the front porch, content to just be. The wind whipped and whistled around me, the hymns played softly in the background. My heart filled with gratefulness for the life I have been given and for this perfect day.

There are days when life is a storybook.

And on these days, I hope my story reads that this one perfect day will forever be carried in my heart, as a reminder of God's promise and of His undying love. My Christmas gift will not come nestled beneath the tree, but you can bet that I will be relishing in all the golds and greens, reds and whites. I will be looking and living with a heart wide open, a gift too large to wrap up and stamp with a bow.