TheTrannystick

If LOVE is the answer, WHAT is the Question?

2012-02-28T19:33:00.020-08:00

How will I write about romantic love when I have not experienced that? It may sound odd, bizarre and at times funny that at my age I haven’t really experienced a mutual love in an official relationship setting. I had a few “almost there” and we’re – together – but – not – quite statuses but never an “in a relationship” status. This is not the status on Facebook or other social networking sites which many have made fun of. To me that status is like an important label you give to yourself so I don’t take it lightly. It should be real. It should mean the world to both parties. So sometimes I avoid this conversation, feeling indifferent about it. Not only I find it funny but also corny. And I would always say wait until that happens to me so I can speak about it bluntly and honestly. But I guess I will not wait for that moment when I’m in love to write about it. So here.

I’ve been asked many times if I have someone special. Like a boyfriend, husband or a mister. I’ve always said no. Some won’t believe it. Some would doubt the non-existence of a special man in my life. But that’s the truth. I haven’t had any boyfriend or a serious relationship in a long while. The last time I got crazy in love was about three years ago, as far as I remember. And it was not officially called a relationship because we didn’t really talk about our status. I don’t know but I’m not that dependent over a man or a relationship for that matter. Well in fact I am happy being single! It may be a defense mechanism of some sort but I’ve been busy being “alone” that I’ve not minded not having someone special for a relationship or whatever. Maybe, I have been content being “available”. For the past years, I’ve been pre-occupied chasing my dreams. I busied my self in my priorities. I just wanted to be independent and successful. By success, I mean financially stable and able to earn much. I’m just being real. I wanted to be rich. That’s my dream. But that’s another story.

But the hope of someday meeting a man who will knock me off my feet (not literally of course!) is still there. I guess it would be so nice to spend time with someone for a walk in the park or in the shores of a beach, wherever it is, watch the sunset over dinner, or just someone I can spend time for a movie marathon in the comforts of our home. What others don’t know is I’m a hopeless romantic. I’m a sucker for romantic feel- good movies. I don’t want to overkill it but yes, I would sometimes dream of having my own relationship or love story patterned over one of the movies that I watched. Don’t laugh now. I’m not Kristina Casanova for nothing. I understand that Giacomo Casanova is arguably the greatest lover of all time, not to mention the greatest flirt! Ok another story.

But of course I would like to have my own story of love. And I would not only be the writer but a co-writer of that novel. I don’t care how many sequels we would make or books we would write together. For as long as it’s worth keeping, I would keep it.

The real score is I haven’t had any serious relationship in my life. The closest I have been to that “taken” status was with guys that were bit younger than I was, not officially stamped as a “relationship” but unofficial I guess. I had more than a couple of them. It would be like we are “us” when we’re together, but “I” or “me” when we’re not. And still what I ever wanted is to really make love with a man. Make love in the sense that both of us have agreed to be in a special relationship because we both love each other. That simple! Make love in the sense that we will have sex and it feels more than heaven because we love each other! I‘m not sure if I felt that. I may haven’t experienced that. I guess I almost did but only had it with someone when the feeling was already over. How unfortunate. And that’s the closest thing to heaven that I’ve encountered. Still I won’t changed that. I can take that anytime. He was still the first man I ever loved.

I never felt loved by a man. I’m not sure but that is how I feel. I did love a few times. And when I do, it’s crazy. I get stupid and do the craziest stuff. I give my world and tend to forget mine. I would give my all and I get lost at times. I can say I’m the giver and I do it unconditionally, not waiting for something in return. That is what makes me happy. But I guess it would be happier or that is an understatement if I say that love is reciprocated. And really, I haven’t felt loved by a man that I loved. Stupid. Damn right stupid. The last time I cried over a guy was I guess three years ago. I realized that it’s not meant to be, even for a while. He was already loving a girl when I met him. Then they would later on got married. I would have not prolonged my agony if I had thought of my own sake, if I haven’t thought what would be the right thing to do. If happiness is all there was, then I would have chosen to continuously love him. But that wouldn’t be the case. So I learned to let go. I did let go a couple of times already. I’ve become a master of that. It hurts but after a while you get used to it. I fell many times and I always get up and go back to my real self after. Oh yeah before I forget, we are still friends and in fact he invited me to be one of his kid’s godparents. How sweet!

I learned my lessons the hard way. After going through such tormenting, embarrassing, self-pitying - at - times experiences, I learned to be stronger, wiser, and immuned to such hard feelings already. After that, I learned to love my self more and more. I understand that’s what matters most. I think those not- so- good experiences I had with men made me realize that I would not need a guy or a special man to be happy. I can be happy in a single status. I have my family and friends. I found a career which I’m passionate about. I just want to be successful and earn more and more! The will to be better is always there. The zest for life is never lost. I still have it in me. Now I can say to my defense that maybe I have just loved the wrong men and the right man was just lost, also there with the wrong women! It may sound funny but that’s how I see it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in that kind of love, between two individuals, regardless of gender, race, culture and age. I still believe that someday I will meet my own Casanova, my prince in a shimmering armour, my own Romeo or Jack. I have no problem with terms of endearment, they may sound cheesy at times but you don’t feel that way with love. I’m not a damsel in distress but I am a trans-woman who happens to be waiting for the right man to fall in love with many times over with him!

Now in Baguio City, Philippines. HONGKONG SOON!!!

2012-01-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

Kristina in Kuala Lumpur - Until December 18, 2011)

2011-08-05T03:19:00.001-07:00

Greetings!

Note: Don't be surprised if I come to you in my purple shirt. It has been my tradition in KL, my lucky charm and besides, I'm planning to write my first book soon. Tentative title- TS Diaries: Adventures of the Purple Shirt :) Makes sense? Nahh, I haven't done shopping just yet. LOL! I'm kinda thrifty. So anyone out there who can give me a shopping spree. I'm in anytime! :) Kisses!

Cititel MidValley, Kuala Lumpur, December 2011

Le Meridien Kuala Lumpur, November 2011

Rae Hotel, Bukit Bintang KL, November 2011

Flamingo Hotel By The Lake, Kuala Lumpur, October 2011

Traders Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, October 2011

Shangrila, Kuala Lumpur, September 2011

Crown Plaza Mutiara, Kuala Lumpur, September 2011

The Hilton Hotel, Kuala Lumpur

Pacific Regency Suites, Kuala Lumpur

Concorde Hotel, Kuala Lumpur

Eastin Hotel, Kuala Lumpur

Hello everyone! Now in Kuala Lumpur for a social visit! eee :)

SELAMAT DETANG!!!

TRANNY DOLL IN ACTION

2011-02-16T22:22:00.000-08:00

Hongkong, China

Rrrring...Rrrring... It was the familiar tone of my phone that alerted me. It was music to my ears. Still sleepy from a nap but I excitedly grabbed my phone and softly answered,“Hello.”

A very low-pitched masculine voice answered back, “Hi! May I speak to Kristina?” The tone was friendly but diplomatic. “My name is James from the UK, I sent you an e-mail last week remember?”

I swallowed a gulp and answered slowly, “Oh, Hi James! Yes I know”, while trying to remember the email he supposedly sent me. “Have you arrived?” I asked. “Yes, just arrived and barely got my stuff fixed. Listen, I’m gonna be in my appointment at around three this afternoon, and when I’m done I’m gonna call you for a meeting this evening.” He answered easily. “Ok sure just call me when you’re done dear,” I countered back and ended the conversation with sweet nothings a girlfriend does to her boyfriend.

This has been a sample of many conversations between me and possible clients to meet. I prefer to call them clients rather than customers. “Clients” sound more discreet, personal and classy while “customers” sound more like business on a small-scale, not personal and so random. It is business with pleasure that I’m speaking of (winks) and I want it high end as possible. And I want my partner to feel satisfied and not short-changed, like in all business deals (smiles).

I cater mostly to the upscale gentlemen who generously give every cent worth their time for some finer things in life. So it is but natural that I’m refined in every way, but not forgetting that I have a task at hand. That is to perform a duty that is expected of me. I’m nice but of course can be naughty and kinky at the same time, when the situation calls for it. As the music says, “let’s get down and get dirty.” For whatever that means, a private room is the only witness to something that’s between me and my partner. I would be discreet going to your hotel, but once in your room, I try to let my guard down, be comfortable as possible and be sexy for my partner, whatever he needs me to do and be at the moment. Spoken words are important. Say what you feel and speak your mind. Tell me what do you intend and feel doing at the moment, or been dreaming to do lately. It is basic that we understand each other, and know what we both like and not like, to what extent or limit do we do our session. Of course I sound so formal and structured, but only in writing. In person, it should be more casual and smooth flowing, I mean it’s better that we do things spontaneously and just give in to what our bodies tell us to do in that spur.

As they say variety is the spice of life. Every client has his own meaning of fun, pleasure, joy and amusement. As an escort, I need to internalize every bit of fun that I do with my partner. For his “fun” will be my “fun” and vice-versa. I’m not totally a business woman/trans or whatever. I’m also human, receptive to every sense and sensibility. I have to like what I do, love it more and be passionate. Otherwise, it will just be the mind talking. To put a smile in every partner’s face is one thing I also aim after a meeting, notwithstanding my personal goals.

Rrrring...Rrrring...5 PM..It was him again. “Hello, It’s James...As I’m done with everything for today, now I would like to have a special time with you.” He sounded weary but animated. “Ok, yes, I would love to meet you too!,” I answered back with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. “Great! I understand we already agreed on your rates in the emails...So shall I expect you to be here before seven?” He asked casually. “Yes, dear will be there before seven, so may I get your hotel details now?” I asked graciously. “Ok”...

As I already had shower after my nap, I just put on make-up, blow-dried my hair, and wore my sexy lingerie. I took my coat and sported something discreet but sexy. Finally, I wore my 3-inch pumps and I was ready to go.

A quarter before seven, I was at the doorway of his hotel room. I knocked anxiously. Yes, I do get nervous in every first meeting, I’m but human. To be honest, no matter how I try to feel confident, I still haven’t gotten used to that feeling when meeting a client for the first time. Life’s a box of chocolates!. Life does surprise you in many ways you never thought of. I bet the client does feel it too, maybe more than what I feel. Anyhow, I need to take things easy and get us both comfortable as possible.

As the door opened, I wore my best smile and confidently greeted the handsome man who welcomed me, “Kristinaaa, finally!” He hugged me tight. “ Yes, nice to meet you James,” I answered as I entered the room. And he closed the door.

CONFESSION

2011-01-28T21:57:00.000-08:00

"I know that what I do as an occupation does not define who I am as a person, but I wonder how much it shapes the way people perceive me" -Tylor Blake

The truth is I have apprehensions writing about this, but all I know is that I just want to express what I feel now. I’m in my hotel room, sitting by the bedside, with my laptop and typing on as I give life to my thoughts. I just watched a good inspiring film about a troubled young Hispanic who flew to England to pursue a soccer playing career and despite a number of obstacles, he successfully hit his goal.

Guess I’m lucky to have watched something I understand in a television that shows almost Chinese channels. Anyways, while watching it, I thought of many things including living our dreams. It doesn’t help that I’m in my lonesome and so anxious about my travel tomorrow.

I’m in Macau now, my second night. Yesterday I was just in Shanghai, and was there for two weeks. Tomorrow, I’m going to Hongkong.

This may be the biggest revelation I have to make. Not that I kept it a secret, more of just being discreet about it. For those who don’t have any idea about what I do, and why do I travel from this to that, well I’m writing about this now. This may sound a bit defensive and sugar coating, but I will be using terms which I think are politically correct and pleasant to hear and read.

I’m an escort, a companionship provider. I would like it that way. I refuse to admit that it’s synonymous to being a prostitute. It may seem to be, but I can speak for my self when I say, I’m not into that point. Prostitution in most part of the world except Amsterdam or other few territories is illegal, and is looked down and considered the most taboo of all professions so to speak. For the longest time that dates back to a time I’m not sure of, prostitutes are confined to a sex house or brothels or can be found in streets later named as red-light districts.

Prostitution is historically and culturally ubiquitous with every society adopting their own standards and stance.

Given all basis that I can be called as one, I would still want to have the integrity and not lose my self, respect and principles in the process. I would not like to be defined as someone on the basis of what I do. I guess I’m more than this, and distinct from what I do.

As the world braces for changes and modernization, the business of providing companionship for fee has also evolved into many forms. The escort service has come into the picture, allowing escorts to use the World Wide Web as means to marketability. The terms have changed as well, as do the forms of services. Escorts provide a variety of services, from companionship to dates, or to something beyond that. Some you can imagine, some you probably can’t.

I don’t work in the streets. I only work my way through the exploit of the internet. I’m not the conventional sex worker. Foremost, I’m a TS. To some men who keep their secrets, we are their living fantasies, and as shemales, we want them to realize their fantasies. It’s simpler said than done. For men who have been with us, they know what I mean. For newbies, it would be hard to comprehend, or even not come close to understanding. We make men nervous, especially the curious ones. And why not, because we are a living dream. To make that dream a reality is spectacular and realizing that dream so to speak is heaven in itself. Just don’t get addicted to it, it can be obsessing, and later turns into a lifestyle. And why not, the world has more to offer than the conventional, the regular, the common, the normal, the usual and the popular. We are deviant, not the common, not the normal, not the conventional and totally not the popular. But I guess these are what men look for nowadays. A breath of fresh air! A world distinct from the real. To savor the best of both worlds is having the world come into you. You’re getting more than what you may asked for. It’s bigger than life!. Many have conquered the world and some are dreaming too.

I may sound so ethereal, theatrical, scripted and unrealistic. Yes maybe, but to some who have known us, they can say it is real. This can’t be comprehended by people who are not totally into this. Imagination can’t even help them. But for us, and for the men who we have given our moment and attention to, we can agree. I may be partially or totally wrong, who knows?

What goes on behind closed doors between me and my companion is a secret box. To write about what the escapades is another story.(`wink)

Anyways, what I’m trying to say is that we are not the common providers. I know of TS escorts, present and retired, who are not typically escorts. They are educated, cultured, multi-lingual, well travelled, well mannered and learneth. That’s why we make men nervous, we are ONE BIG PACKAGE!

This combination alone makes our descriminating gentlemen very nervous. We are supposed to be careless, loud, ignorant, pimped, and carry the demeanor of ignorance. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We are capable of letting people review their doubts about exactly who is a confirmed, classic provider.

Indeed, we are one big surprise. We cater to gentlemen, refined and upscale even, who demand something extra from their women. And there is a huge market for our services.

And again, it maybe easier said than done, but behind everything is a complicated thought. One which is rather not given thought but should be done unstructured, spontaneous and felt. But hey, I also say that it is something which should be done creatively, like an art form. It is a business, so to speak, so one has to have passion, commitment and feel to it. I am a persona, so I have to act it out the best way I can. Don’cha wish to know me better, for I'm not your average girl.

I have decided to put up a for sale sign on my time. It is precious for business. But definitely I don't rush, I give a time frame we both are happy and well. I practice safety measures. And I don't show up for an appointment looking like anything anyone ever expects. Well except if I'm in my own room (wink`). I am not the hot, blond girl who weighs 100lbs at 5'11" and not the teenage - looking drunk waltzing through the hotel lobby with all her goods hanging out, wasted and loud, looking every bit a ho.

I am pretty casual, discreet, decent yet an aura of sexiness.

I worked my way through this, given all difficult circumstances, and unlikely situations. It couldn't be easy too. Some stories are better not heard to give life to mystery and ambiguity. I knew a lot of TS who have mastered this art.

As I put an end to this piece, let me remind you that this is just my thought, and in no way reflect the thoughts of other shemales in the biz. I’m not an expert, not even close to the TS that I admire for their success in this venture.

Just let me be your Kristina Casanova, shemale companion at your service! Kisses!

ROAD TO LIBERATION

2010-12-31T21:57:00.000-08:00

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve great things.”-JFK

Not that I had no freedom. Not that it was a secret. It wasn’t even talked about in family dinners. I’m openly gay but the transition from being a gay boy to being a full-pledged tranny (at least as I thought) was rough, so to speak. At first, there was hesitation on my part. I knew that some people who matter to me expected much from me. And I didn’t want to fail them. Plus, the thought of public embarrassment scared me. I had no courage to show the world who I really am.

LATE BLOOMER

And how would that make me feel if I have three ladyboy cousins (and first cousins at that!haha). This may sound bizarre to people but yes, I just happen to have three LB cousins on my maternal side of the family. And If I have other gay relatives on the other side, none that I know of, at least as of this writing (LOL!).

Of the four, I may have been the late bloomer, in the sense that I discovered my sense of inner joy and acceptance later in life (after graduating from College). My cousins are a bit younger than I am, but they all had showed the world their really pink colours as young as twelve, cross-dressing flamboyantly and blithely! Indeed, they were overtly gay during their early puberty. I had to admire their courage and their guts to have had shown who they really were in their tender years. I had to mention them in my piece because they have been an integral part of my life as a trans. Well, who else do you run to when the whole world turn their back on you, no one but your family. They may be younger and daring than I did, but all of them possess distinct qualities such as audacity in their youth, etc. Today, they are identified as Ivanova, Jasmine and Martina.

CROSS-DRESSING

Thinking back, I remember the time when we would all meet up in the city for a fab night out. We would be with our usual paraphernalia: wigs, dresses and heels. The only difference is that I had to carry my stuff in my school backpack and dress at the comfort room of any bar we have decided to hang out. That time, I just had no guts to get out of the house dressed like a girl. Not that my father would kill me, but I just had so much respect in their thoughts, in their peace, in their privacy. And to bother them was the least of my concerns. Yes, we had become cross-dressers at one point in our lives, but even in our wigs, we would feel like we were girls trapped in young boys’ agile bodies. (Wikipedia: Cross-dressing is the wearing of clothing and other accoutrement commonly associated with a gender within a particular society that is seen as different as the one usually presented by the dresser) For some people, they automatically connect cross-dressing behaviour to transgender identity or sexual fetishist, and homosexual behaviour. And for us, it was definitely the latter that described us. It was more of a self- expression and liberation! By having done so, we wanted society to understand that we were cross-dressing not because of anything else, but because we were happy doing it so. It was an expression of our sexuality and who we wanted to become.

GENDER IDENTITY ISSUE

Personally, after my College graduation I gave my self a hard thought. I finally decided to grow my crowning glory, plucked my eyebrows, started wearing feminine clothing and turned to hormones. I had difficulty finding my self a professional job because of my grown long hair. And the pressure to start a career in line with my degree was tremendous. I was expected to work my profession but then there were moments of repression and even rebellion at some point! It was nothing against my family but it was against the world, I guess. There was nothing to compromise I thought. Just when I finally decided to be who I am, also came moments that I had to choose between career and inner happiness. It was a struggle to say the least, I had to deal with personal gender identity issues. I learned to be my tranny self which I had began to embrace yet I also had to deal with creating a life and a career for my self. After a few tries, with luck on my side, I saw my self working for a government bureau. It seemed ironic, but I was just relieved to compromise my hair, to tidily tie them up and to discreetly wear the employer’s attire during office hours. Gladly I did, and the rest of the transition to being more feminine is history.

A WORK IN PROGRESS

During this phase, I had to take hormones like a part of my diet. The drive of wanting to be as feminine as possible was inspiring. I had undergone some physical enhancements and took constant mixture of supplements to boost smoother skin, etc, etc. Until now, I can say that the work is not over yet. It's a work in progress. I had set plans for my self. There are just some procedures that I am anxious to undergo, but sooner or later, I will. Nevertheless, I have embraced a pre-op trans lifestyle!

And still I am firm that I may not be the prettiest or the smartest, yet I am perfectly me in more ways than one!!!

Still, no amount of procedure will change the way I look at my sef. I have been a warrior of life and will always be. Despite of everything, I’m still the todd that peed on my diaper, and the little infant my mama and daddy took care of. I’m still the child that they knew and raised. I’m still me, if I would change, it’s for the better. What I’m learning now is to care less, or even care not. I'm Just glad to be me, to continuously aspire to be an improved version of me, and to show the world a better and happier me! And maybe... a fierce and fearless me!

(The following are links to understand some issues on gender identity):

http://www.twenty10.org.au/resources/gender

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender

http://www.tsroadmap.com/mental/categories.html

A Blast From The Past

2010-11-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. ~Robert Brault

I want my blog to be as personal as possible, in the sense that I would like my readers to have a connection with me somehow. Like, if you read my piece, it’s as if you’ve known me for years. So before I go into writing stuff about love, sex or relationships, I would like to take you into my past. Yes, my childhood. Oh did I bore you now?

You won’t read about a battered child, a sexually abused kid or the account of a former Sakristan or an altar boy. My story is not as revealing as these. My childhood is almost pretty normal, except that I have a different and more personal view of how it was. Don’t you worry, I’ll do my best to make this as interesting as possible. Let me take you with me in this journey to my past.

As a child, I had a hard time identifying my "self". It wasn’t simple to have had that sense of belongingness in the vast world we reside. But I knew I was different because I had difficulty blending with other kids especially boys my age. They always had a say when I hang out with them. I heard name-callings like they never ended and saw make-faces like they were masked. Yet I knew that I should be just like any kid, without pretenses and as normal as possible.

I had two brothers (my other bro’s in eternal peace). And I am the first of the brood. In my mind, never did I hear a thought from mama and daddy (that’s how I call my parents) about my being different from the boys. Maybe it wasn’t something that they would like to talk about with me. Maybe because I was good at what I was doing, I mean my education. Yes, I excelled in school and that’s one thing I was proud about. I didn’t mess up school or in any way gave them trouble when it comes to this aspect of my life. That alone, may have had given them a reason to just let me be their son, who eventually became a daughter in their eyes! (~wink~)

To make the story short, my childhood may well be like any other gayboy’s coming - of - age experiences albeit different in some ways. I didn’t even had any idea how it all started. Early years in grade school, I just found my self to be effeminate and like one of the girls. I played with girls and learned to like boys.

Growing up, I knew what I was but didn’t know exactly how I would call my "self". I just learned that I was separative through the other kids’ mockings. They would call me “bakla” (gay) and later on became a source of annoyance and pain. Now it doesn’t matter anymore, but back then it was like a handful of stones thrown hard at me. It always felt like being entombed or stoned to death. The boys and other kids made fun of me but it didn’t hinder me to be me. I continued to be the person that I was and no one could stop me from being the way I was. I understood that there wasn’t anything to change but to grow. I just excelled in school and kicked other kids’ asses.

Now, I find it funny to hear stories of fathers drowning their gayboys in a barrel full of water just to affirm their kids’ boyhood. Lucky me, I didn’t go through that phase. Yes I was gay, but never as flamboyant as other gayboys around. I was just being me, the boy with the girly moves, the girly likes, and the girly thoughts. I even thought I was a girl at some point, and I would be back to reality everytime I’d hear them call me names again.

That’s just it, I was the boy who wanted dolls instead of guns. Girls for friends and boys for kisses. Danced to every Madonna beat and would scream over the Hansons or the Moffats or the BackstreetBoys. Miss Universes, Worlds and Internationals were my World Cup. Pageant queens were my icons in beauty, poise, and projection. I admired them for their packaging and I was just the boy who hated his haircut and would dream of having those curly long locks.

I was the boy who enjoyed doing house chores than playing basketball or pingpong with the kids. I was the boy who read Vogue instead of Playboy. I was the boy who would choose a tiarra over a beret, my mama’s nighties over a Spiderman costume. I had boys for crushes and men for fantasies. Yes, my innocence back then was a bit tainted, I would masturbate with thoughts of muscled men in mind. Damn, how else would you call a kid like that?(~laughs~)

Nevertheless, I was a discreet gayboy up to my Secondary school. I was a virgin who would swoon over the campus hearthrob and watched other boys in basketball games. I didn’t know what to think about back then but I knew what I liked and wanted. I just didn’t know how to do it. Get what I mean? I just didn’t know how to verbalize and express my feelings to someone in a manner that’s not offending. Thinking of it now, I laugh at the thought of how I managed to lived a life of celibacy for a long while when in fact other kids nowadays lose their virginity at earlier ages. But no regrets, I just lived my life the way I was supposed to live it. My parents may have raised me well. And the image I made to myself helped a bit. I just had to be prim and proper and all would be well.

Needless to say, I lost my virginity a few days before I turned 18, during my collegiate years. It was a pact I made to my self, that before I would evolve into manhood-gayness, I would lose my behind’s virginity(~laughs~) and so I did! It wasn’t a wonderful experience the first time, but nevertheless it just made me more curious and hungrier for more answers as to what gayness was all about. And this is another story.

INTRODUCTION

2010-11-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

This is my way of officially launching my tranny self in the world of cyberspace blogging. Just like the countless, I guess I was bitten by the web bug. After much thought, I finally decided to use my pen, I mean my stick (you can think about whatever you want) to write about anything associated with me or life in general.

I can use the whole space to inscribe about my “transexuality” and the like, but don’t get me wrong I can also write about people, experiences, events, travels, cultures, relationships. I may even write about the weather (lol!). I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is more to life than just being a trans, a ts, a shemale, ladyboy, t-girl, trans-woman, etc, etc. You can name me names, and nothing hurts anymore. For men who seem to know us, what you see is the exterior or the superficial, what you don’t see is the making of it all. In movies, you get to watch the post production stuff, the edited version you see onscreen, what you don’t see is the pre-production or the making of the film. The same is true with a persona, which is used to label one’s image. To speak of myself, you may see me as a caricature or just a character in your fantasy…

...there I am alive

there I am real

there I am perfect

there I am everything

there I am endless

there I am the beginning and the end- the alpha and the omega!

It’s like magic, but PUFF! I may not be all that you see…

Who am I to judge you solely based on your likes, preferences or fantasies . And how am I to change the way you see me. Or I may not be able to.

But I hope this may help. Just think of us or me as part of the humanity. Well created by the almighty not to blend in with the rest but to make a mark in the world. We are also people with mind-sets, stance, beliefs, interests, preferences, rights, and privileges.

Well for all you know, I also eat and take a sh!t, pray and be bad, love and get hurt, laugh and cry, smile and pout (amazing if you do both, lol), have my share of triumphs and struggles too. Yes, I react to the stimuli and when I do, I just do it big time!

I may not speak in behalf of every trans in the world, but I can speak for my self when I say that I am but human, imperfect, nothing, mortal, vulnerable but I more than make up for all these with my ability to be humane, see things perfect more than the way they are, make something out of nothing, make the most of my finite time, and be strong amidst the limitations and restrictions of what I can do and be.

I am Kristina Casanova, the ts! Behind this image is but a person who’s ready to mingle, dingle, jingle and be open to those who accept, understand, and recognize my being. Regards to all!