I was thrilled when Harper Collins contacted me to begin reviewing their new books but What Makes You Tick was a let down. The book DID make some good points and I’ll review them here.

To begin, the book’s authors, Michael Berland and Douglas Schoen, assert that there is no one way to achieve success, but that success is achieved by enhancing your innate skills. Don’t try change your personality (it never works anyway), but use your own personality to chart your own course.

The book asserts that many people confuse success with winning, and I think that’s a valid point. Though they can be sometimes intertwined, they aren’t necessarily the same. Success is more of an internal, emotional, and personal thing whereas winning is usually much more quantifiable. Winning can be part of success, but it is just functional to successful people and is simply something they do along their path to success.

The authors break down successful people into four primary categories:

• Natural Born Leaders – self confident from an early age, this personality type sees a big picture and naturally takes charge. They rarely get stuck on the details and have the innate ability to inspire others. They help other people succeed and fit well within large, complex organizations. They do things faster than the average person and are comfortable delegating. They usually put the company and its needs ahead of personal needs. Examples are Bud Selig of Major League Baseball, Brenda Barnes of Sara Lee Corporation, and Richard Parsons of Citigroup.
• Independence Seekers – wanting to constantly live life on their own terms, independence seekers do what they want when they want. They are very goal oriented and also exude self confidence much like the natural born leaders. Failure is never an option for them and they have a risk-taking, entrepreneurial spirit. They don’t take themselves too seriously and don’t have to be the best, just good enough to meet their definition of success. They thrive on high profile recognition and are more interested in personal success than in organizational success. Examples include Bobby Flay of the Food Network, Heidi Klum of Project Runway, and Sergio Zyman, formerly the Chief Marketing Officer of Coca-Cola.
• Visionaries – doing and seeing what others do not, visionaries have a strong desire for change and ask “Why not?” rather than “Why?” They look at issues from many angles and have a strong creative nature. They believe they were born for a mission and have a relentless drive, regardless of the setbacks that pop up.Less concerned with recognition than with personal fulfillment, visionaries generally prefer to do things themselves and surround themselves with true Kool-Aid drinkers true believers. Examples include Mark Burnett, executive producer of Survivor, Arte Moreno, owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, and Brian France, CEO of NASCAR.
• Do-Gooders – motivated by their strong moral compass, these leaders are more than comfortable with criticism since they’re working toward a high ideal. They’re naturally optimistic and serious about their work. They are willing to sacrifice, both themselves and others, for what they see as the “greater good.” They also have a strong preference for like-minded people and strongly identify with their cause. Examples include Craig Newmark of Craigslist, Roger Barnett of Shaklee Corporation, and Gwendolyn Sykes, CFO  of Yale University.

All that information was in the first 14 pages, the next 257 pages are “interviews” that read more like a questionnaire answered by the different people that the authors put into one of their five categories. Wait. FIVE categories? I thought there were four! They slipped one in without any discussion of it and made the book a little confusing. The fifth category was Independents Who Follow Their Dreams and that section follows the same “interview” process.

The “interviews” begin with what feels like an introduction at a graduation ceremony, and follows with the interviewee writing about his or her ideas, history, failures, ideas, thoughts, and philosophies. In essence, the book was written by interviewees and edited by the authors.

The interviews are rambling, some are vaguely interesting, many are quite boring. Some are very short, some are far too long, and none really seemed to follow the premise of the book, namely finding out what makes someone “tick?”

Late in the book, the authors reveal their political leanings and it’s the same old, tired, Bush bashing rhetoric. Yes, they actually mention names and say that Bush was a bad, “independence seeker” who lost interest in the Iraq war and Obama is a great, natural born leader who’s election to the Senate was a natural progression in his quest for goal achievement (conveniently forgetting that the highly popular Republican he was running against was caught up in scandal late in the campaign). In reality, Obama fits the classic “do-gooder” profile, serious, idealistic, pursuing what he believes is the greater good over the interests of the organization as a whole, and a management style based on personal contact and connections. Then I read that the authors were Democratic strategists and it all began to make sense. “Natural born leader” is much more flattering. When you look at who all they “interviewed”,” it really shows through. At some point, all this political nonsense needs to end.

Buy or Don’t Buy?

Don’t buy. Period. This wasn’t a particularly inspirational or motivating book and held no information that isn’t readily available on this blog or any one of a number of others.

Hopefully, my first review of a Harper Collins book won’t preclude me from an invitation to review others,. Even though the first 14 pages and the last 6 pages were well written and somewhat informative,  this book struggled to reach the level of “mediocre at best” in my opinion.

Have you read these?

• Book Review and Giveaway: Who’s Got Your Back?
• Book Reviews: The “Skinny On” Books
• Announcing the Winner of GAME OVER
• Book Review: GAME OVER – How You Can Prosper In A Shattered Economy
• Announcing the Winners of Outliers

photo credit: fauxto_digit

Discretionary spending is defined as “The amount or portion of a person’s expenditures  used for spending on non-essential items; the portion of one’s expenditures which one may make as one sees fit.” It’s the amount that we have available to spend after we pay taxes, purchase food, buy clothing, and make arrangements for shelter. Since 1985, consumer discretionary spending has steadily increased at a 3.4 percent real rate (adjusted for inflation).

Today, in the midst of a global economic slowdown, many consumers have no choice but to become thrifty and frugal. There simply is no discretionary income to spend on discretionary items. But others, who still have discretionary income, are making conscious decisions to find a balance between frugality and spending.

Discretionary Thrift

This discretionary thrift is a relatively new trend amongst consumers and possibly signals that many are tired of the excessive consumption that characterized the last 25 years. People are setting up their emergency fund, recycling, buying used goods, teaching traditional values and skills to their children, and learning to handle their finances more like their great-grandparents rather then their parents. They’re making a budget, clipping coupons, comparison shopping, planting gardens, brown-bagging lunches, cooking at home more often, and even planning more frugal birthday parties, weddings, and vacations.

Find yourself in this same boat? Many people don’t like to admit their frugality. Somehow it seems boring and a bit too austere. However, the global recession has made discretionary thrift and frugality much more acceptable, perhaps even fashionable.

Mercurial Consumption

Another part of this new discretionary thrift is what economists call Mercurial Consumption. During the pre-recession boom, consumers became highly adept at finding alternatives to their formerly preferred brands. These products or services met their needs as well or better as their former choices as the Internet helped them make better choices. As a result, companies are finding that consumers will quickly abandon any choices that fall short of expectations. If a product is only 10 percent better but costs twice as much, consumers will quickly make the switch.

What you and I buy may change when the economy recovers, but what won’t change is our ability to navigate the myriad options, nor will our willingness to shift our allegiance to alternate brands should they better meet our needs.

The Bottom Line

Those with money aren’t spending it like there’s no tomorrow anymore. Even when the economy DOES recover, there’s a pretty good chance that we won’t start down that path again either. Couple that with our dissolving allegiance to branded items which don’t meet our expectations and you have a recipe for disaster for the cheap junk that’s been foisted on us by retailers and manufacturers during the last few years. The potential result? Better products, higher quality, greater service, and fatter savings accounts.

Sounds like a silver lining to me!

Have you read these?

• 5 Ways You Can Fight The Recession
• 8 Reasons to Ditch Your Cell Phone Insurance, Unless You’re A REAL Klutz
• Want To Learn to Read Your Home’s Electric Meter?
• The Never Ending Campaign
• 7 Keys To Financial Security

The great thing about going on a wonderful family vacation is all the time I get to spend with my wife and kids. The bad thing is that as soon as we get back, I’m back to the same old grind and it’s as if nothing ever happened. Depressing sometimes.

I’m looking forward to next year though, since it will be my 20 year wedding anniversary. We could use some suggestions on places to go. We’ve considered a Mediterranean cruise, a trip to Hawaii, an Alaskan cruise, and a trip to England or France. Give me YOUR suggestions in the comments below. This is a special trip and we’ve been saving for it for quite some time.

SPOTLIGHT SITE OF THE WEEK!

What It Costs is a new site set up to help you and me find out the ballpark cost of various products and services, from What It Costs For A Wedding Photographer to What It Costs For A Landscape Architect. It really is a neat site and yes, they DO have What It Costs For An Alaskan Cruise on there!

What It Costs has everything set up by categories such as:

• Business
• Fashion & Style
• Go Green
• Health
• Historical
• Hobbies
• Home & Garden
• Out There
• People
• Recreation
• Sports & Fitness
• Travel
• Weddings

There is also a search function, a newsletter, and the opportunity to make suggestions. Check it out when you get the chance!

The Fab Five

Our Baby Girl is Here! at My Dollar Plan. Madison’s family grew a little larger yesterday as they welcomed their daughter to the world.

When To Give Up A Side Hustle at Frugal Dad. Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you had some high hopes!

How To Make Today Memorable at Marc and Angel Hack Life. The days just seem to fly by. There are only just so many of them. Make them memorable.

How To Start Your Life All Over Again at My Supercharged Life. Sometimes we all need to stop, reassess, and get back on the right track again by starting over.

Simplify Your Life by Bartering for What You Need at On Simplicity. The ins and outs, the whys and hows of bartering, and you guessed it, simply!

Have you read these?

• Roundup and Link Love – Thanksgiving 2008 Edition
• Roundup and Link Love – 4 Hour Work Week Edition

When financial “gurus” start advising everyone to alter their strategies and save EIGHT months worth of expenses (or more) in their emergency fund, most people look at it as an impossible task and write it off. For a couple earning $50,000 per year AFTER taxes (approximately $75,000 pre-tax), saving 10 percent per month would take them over 6 years, assuming today’s dismal interest rates and that they didn’t have to tap their fund for an emergency.

So how do you save for an emergency fund when you’re already stretched to the limit? Here are 52 potential ways you could save a few bucks. Each one might not apply to you and each one might not amount to that much cash, but taken as a whole, they can really add up in a hurry!

1. Get back to basics. Cancel all the extra services on your landline that you don’t need, such as call waiting, caller ID, call forwarding and three-way calling. If you almost exclusively use a cell phone, cut the land line!

2. Call 411 for free. Do you make a lot of 411 calls from your cell phone? Typically, cell phone providers charge a fee every time you call 411. Instead, you can dial (800) GOOG-411, or (800) 466-4411, to get the listing you want for free. I have it as a speed dial on my cell phone.

3. Stop going the distance. Drop your long-distance carrier altogether if you make infrequent long-distance phone calls. Instead, use a prepaid phone card, a dial-around service or even your cell phone if you’ve got the minutes.

4. Examine your cell phone usage. Are you exceeding your allotted monthly cell phone minutes each month or using far fewer minutes than your plan allows? Re-evaluate your calling plan and make changes according to your needs. If you’re paying for a household of users, consider whether everyone really needs his or her own line.

5. Lose the huge tax refund. That annual $2,400 tax refund may feel great, but you’re depriving yourself of $200 every month of the year. Don’t give Uncle Sam an interest-free loan! Adjust your withholding allowances so that you’re keeping an appropriate amount of money for yourself each month, then put the extra money in a high-yield savings account to make it work for you throughout the year.

6. Pay with cash. Unless you’re in the habit of paying your credit card bill in full each month, don’t use the cards for anything you can eat or wear. Try to pay in cash to make yourself aware of how much you’re spending.

7. Live one pay raise behind. Rather than spending that 3 percent cost-of-living raise, add it to your emergency fund. And the next time you get a raise, increase your disposable income by the amount of your last raise — half of it if you’re really hard-core!

8. Shop smarter. Select articles of clothing you can use to make multiple outfits, in versatile colors that are easy to mix and match. Buy items that serve a dual purpose, such as work and weekend wear, if possible.

9. Minimize dry cleaning costs. Stick to buying wash-and-wear clothes when you can, and save the dry clean-only clothes for special occasions. If possible, try not to buy clothes that need alterations, as those costs can add up quickly.

10. Turn unworn clothes into money. Take the clothing you or other members of your family no longer wear — that’s still in good condition — to a consignment shop. Or have a garage sale.

11. Plan your errands. Combine errands into one trip and plan your stops for the most-efficient route. You’ll save yourself time and money.

12. Buy retread tires instead of new tires. Retread tires are cheaper, safe and environmentally friendly.

13. Take it nice and easy. Your vehicle will burn less gas if you accelerate and brake gradually.

14. Analyze your homeowners coverage. Check if there’s any coverage you have that you can do without. Consider raising your deductible to save money on your premiums.

15. Compare health plans. Working couples can reduce out-of-pocket medical expenses and premiums by carefully comparing the costs of the benefits offered by each employer to find the best deal.

16. Behave and get a discount. Ask about discounts if you’ve gone a certain number of years without an accident or ticket or drive fewer than a certain number of miles each year.

17. Keep a good credit rating. Many insurance companies use your credit rating to determine whether to insure you and how much to charge.

18. Get rid of private mortgage insurance. If you have 22 percent equity in your home, you could qualify to start saving that money.

19. Adjust your auto coverage. If the kids have left for good, take them off the policy. If they are simply away at college, ask about a distant student credit.

20. Good grades can pay off. For students who keep cars on campus, some insurance companies offer "good student" discounts to students who maintain a certain grade point average.

21. Look for new restaurants in town. They may offer grand opening specials. You could always use Restaurant.com to get $25 gift certificates to great restaurants for $10 or less!

22. Hunt for discounts. Check your local newspapers for advertisements of lunch and dinner specials, as well as early bird specials; look for coupons, too.

23. Cut back on your caffeine costs. Stop buying coffee at the fancy coffee shop. You can get 40 cups of coffee from a pound of beans. Even the gourmet ones can be purchased for $8 per pound. If you’re spending $2 per day on coffee — easy to do in most workplaces — you’ll go from spending $500 a year to about $50 by making your own. For the best savings (and flavor), buy whole beans and grind them yourself.

24. BYOB. Take cans of soda or bottled water to work instead of buying them out of the vending machine. Bottled water can sell for as little as 14 cents a bottle at a big-box grocery store, and soda goes for as little as 16 cents a can (less for off-brands). Compare that to the 75 cents or more that you’ll spend at the machine, and it’s a no-brainer.

25. Have fun staying home. Tell friends to each bring over a dish and host a potluck, game or movie night. Nothing like a smokin’ hot game of Monopoly amongst friends!

26. Read not, waste not. Cancel subscriptions to magazines and newspapers you haven’t been reading. Or see if the publication has an online version you can access for free.

27. Evaluate your cable package. Do you really need 300-plus channels? Do you have time to watch those movie channels you’re paying a premium price for? Switch to basic cable and save a bundle each month.

28. Rent movies economically. Either cut down the number of times you rent movies or try an online rental service like Blockbuster.com that charges a flat rate each month to rent a certain number of movies.

29. Visit the library. Besides books, you can borrow movies, music CDs and even exercise videos from the library. Check the selection available at your local library and keep yourself entertained for free — well, really not for free, you’ve already paid for it in taxes.

30. Put savings on autopilot. Have your savings automatically deducted from your paycheck before it even hits your checking account. It’s easy and most banks will let you set it up online.

31. Put bills on autopilot, too. Set your fixed bills to be deducted, either through automated debit or online bill pay, so you’re not tempted to touch the money. The added bonus is you’ll never get hit with late or missed payment penalties.

32. Let the payments continue. Maybe your finances are tight due to a big car loan or credit card payments. Once you’ve paid off these debts, shift those payments to your emergency fund.

33. Have your own “Rule of 72.” There aren’t many things we truly can’t live without and waiting 72 hours before making a major purchase will help you avoid buyer’s remorse.

34. Leave the credit cards at home. People spend between 12 percent and 50 percent more when using a credit card versus cash.

35. Plan ahead. It’s okay to budget for fun! It really makes your savings strategy work, and keeps you from going overboard when the itch for fun cranks up.

36. Make things interesting. Draw down no-interest checking accounts and move the money into higher-interest savings accounts. Most Americans keep too much money in checking accounts that earn zero percent interest.

37. Learn to save short-term splurges. Defer your desire for a latte splurge until you’ve saved up enough for a nice dinner. This way you’re retraining yourself away from giving into immediate gratification and into saving for your real desires.

38. Reward yourself. Allow yourself little extra perks for reaching savings goals like a long weekend without plastic. Rewards sweeten the medicine and the savings you’ll achieve from altered habits far outweigh the cost of the long weekend.

39. Remove the temptation. Just like dieters don’t do well sitting in a bakery sniffing mouthwatering treats all day, stay away from those areas that tempt you financially. Why put yourself in the position to fail?

40. Treat it like a friend. Treat your emergency fund the way you treat your friends: Don’t abuse it and don’t use it except when needed.

41. Keep them separated. Keep your savings in a different account than the one from which you pay your bills, maybe even going so far as to keep your checking account and savings accounts at different institutions. This strategy makes your savings just slightly less accessible because of the waiting time on fund transfers, and maybe that lag is just long enough to help you cool off your spending impulse.

42. Enjoy compounding for a change. Being on the right side of compound interest is a rewarding experience. Instead of the negative compounding (paying interest on interest) that often occurs with credit cards, you can watch your money grow effortlessly.

43. Treat it like taxes. Most people are used to having taxes deducted from their paychecks, accepting both the mandatory nature and regularity of the contributions. So it might be helpful to think of saving to your emergency fund as a taxation that benefits you.

44. Can the cigarettes. The average price for a pack of cigarettes in the United States is $4.54. Pack-a-day smokers burn $1,660 a year. Weekend smokers? Buying a pack once a week adds up, too: $236.

45. Don’t drink your emergency fund either. Alcohol prices vary based on the location, but assuming an average of $5 per beer including tip, buying two beers per day adds up to $3,650 per year. Figure twice that for two mixed drinks a day at the local bar. That’s not chump change.

46. Filing down the fund. The average cost of a manicure is $20.53. A weekly manicure sets you back about $1,068 per year.

47. Wash your own car for fun and profit. The average cost for a basic auto detailing package is $58, according to Costhelper.com. The tab for getting your car detailed every two months: $348 per year.

48. Love the brown bag. Nine dollars will generally cover a decent lunch most work days. If you buy rather than pack a lunch five days a week for one year, you shell out about $2,350 a year.

49. The coins go in and the candy comes out. The average vending machine snack costs $1. Buy a pack of cookies every afternoon at work and pay $260 per year.

51. Interest charges on credit card bills (ouch). The median amount of credit card debt carried by Americans is $6,600. Rate tables indicate that fixed interest rates on a standard card average 13.44 percent. Making the minimum payment each month, it will take 250 months (almost 21 years) to pay off the debt and cost $4,868 in interest. Ouch!

52. You really aren’t going to the gym … are you? The monthly service fee at gyms averages between $35 and $40. At $40 per month, an unused gym membership runs $480 per year.

Have you read these?

• Has Your Financial Ship Been Taken Hostage By One of These 8 Pirates?
• A Fabulous Budgeting System
• Is A Debt Consolidation Loan A Bad Idea?
• Use The Four Forces of Flight to Find Financial Freedom
• Get Your Emergency Fund In Place Now

For the last 30 years or so, our homes have been growing. The square footage in the average home today is TWICE what it was during our parent’s grade school years and up until recently, this trend didn’t seem stoppable.

Then the bubble burst and we found out that we really didn’t need a 4,500 square foot home with amenities galore. The McMansion could be going the way of the mastodon as home buyers discover the joys of less maintenance, less cost, and more family togetherness.

Whether you’re considering building a new home or buying and existing smaller home, there are some distinct advantages. A smaller home might just be the home of your dreams.

1. A smaller home is cheaper up front. A smaller initial cost means less down payment, less points on your mortgage, and a smaller monthly payment for your budget. If you can swing it, putting more than 20 percent down might even get you a better interest rate and will certainly exempt you from private mortgage insurance, saving you a substantial amount.

2. A smaller home saves energy. So long as it’s properly constructed and insulated, a smaller home has less cubic footage to heat and cool, provided you don’t build one with 14 foot ceilings! Smaller homes have fewer windows (energy leaks), fewer exterior doors (energy leaks), and smaller HVAC systems to run which will help save energy.

3. A smaller home is expandable. So long as you plan for it (and sometimes even if you don’t), a smaller home can be expanded. If you think your parents may move in with you or you plan on growing your family, plan to build a smaller home with an addition mind.

4. A smaller home could leave more room for a garden. If you build a 1,200 square foot home rather than a 2,800 square foot home, you’ll have more space to grow vegetables and flowers!

5. A smaller home is cheaper to decorate. Do we really need a breakfast nook and a full-size dining room? How about a living room and a den? Every room you eliminate is one less room to heat, cool, and decorate.

6. A smaller home forces us to have a “home.” When there’s four people in a 4,500 square foot monster, each of them in a separate part of the house “doing their own thing,” there isn’t any family togetherness. I know. My home is no where near that size but the five of us seem to rarely be in the same room – together.

7. A smaller home gives you peace of mind. Half the size could mean half the price – and half the payment. If you lose your job, wouldn’t a 50 percent smaller house payment be nice?

8. A smaller home saves on maintenance and cleaning. They have fewer windows to wash, fewer gutters to clean, less semi-annual maintenance to do, and a smaller roof to one day replace. Your broom, mop and vacuum cleaner will last longer. You might not need that maid anymore.

9. A smaller home can be more durable. Since you’re constructing less square footage (and that is typically how a home builder prices his homes), you can afford to buy more durable materials (which are usually more expensive).

10. A smaller home eliminates the temptation to spend. If you don’t have anywhere to put all the stuff you’re tempted to buy, you might buy less!

11. A smaller home gets you outside more often. With less space, you’ll probably be more inclined to enjoy the outdoors more, giving you the motivation to exercise or just enjoy the sunshine and that garden I mentioned.

12. A smaller home is more customizable. If you’re spending less to construct the home, you may have more funds to install fancier counter-tops, nicer faucets, better cabinets, or premium flooring. You have less space, so you’ll buy less of those upgraded products anyway!

Have you considered scaling down to a smaller home?

photo credit: PotatoBenevolence

Have you read these?

• Book Review: Millionaire By Thirty
• Can You Survive As A One Income Family?
• 8 Money Mistakes Even Smart People Make
• PRE College Expenses Will Surprise You
• A Fabulous Budgeting System

When Julie lost her husband to cancer, one of her best friends from high school came over to visit.

Liz could hardly choke out the words as she tightly hugged her dear friend. “Julie,” she whispered in her ear, “I am so sorry this happened, what can I do to help you?”

Julie couldn’t say anything right away. She just needed the hug because she felt like her legs couldn’t support her at that moment. “Thanks,” she sobbed, “I’m going to be okay, I just need some time. I’m … I’m so thankful I was able to tell him goodbye and I’m so thankful you’re here with me now.”

“I’m always going to be here for you,” she spoke so gently. “Anything you need and I’ll be here. Anything.”

———————

Jason felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. When his boss, Gene, called him into the office, he knew something just wasn’t right, but he had no idea he would be given 5 minutes to pack his belongings and vacate his office. This was his dream job. Now it was gone.

At home that evening, he just stared into space as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon.

Ding. Ding-ding-DING! Jason hated that stupid doorbell.

It was Howie, his part-time friend, golfing buddy … and landlord. “Whatcha doin’ sittin’ here in the dark?” he asked he barged through the only half-opened door.

“I lost my job today, and I’m really not in the mood.”

“Why?” demanded Howie, “Whadja do wrong?”

“Nothing,” responded Jason, “other than just working at my dream job in a crappy economy.”

“Here’s what you need to do,” began Howie, “First you need to get your resume up to snuff, then you need to blast it out to every company in your industry. That’s what I would do if I were in your shoes. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“I dunno, Howie, I’ve got 9 months in my emergency fund right now I just need to think and …”

Howie cut him off, “Let me just explain something to you cowboy, this ain’t no time to be loafing around moaning and crying. Don’t you understand what’s happening here? You need to get moving on a job cuz I ain’t going to be letting you get a free ride around here. No free ride. Feeling motivated yet?”

———————

Jessy squeezed out a big white blob of SPF 15 and began rubbing it onto the shoulders of her 14 year old daughter, Samantha. “Mommy, thank you for helping me pick out this two piece swimsuit this year. I really like it.”

Samantha’s two older sisters, Sara and Sally were already down on the beach, soaking up some Florida sunshine when Jessy saw her mother and her mother’s friend walking her way. “Oh great,” muttered Samantha. The mood suddenly became awkward and tense.

“Hey mom! Are you ready for the Independence Day fireworks tonight?”

“We sure are sweetie, and some great BBQ too! Those granddaughters of mine look beautiful out there.” Her mom smiled sweetly and gave her a cocoa-buttered hug. “You remember my friend Helen, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, how are you Mrs. Miller?” Jessy smiled.

“I’m fine, but those daughters of yours need to wear something more decent with all these men around,” Mrs. Miller snapped as she cut her eyes toward the beach and faked a dentured smile. “I had 5 boys and two husbands and I know how they are. If I’d had daughters, they would have never been allowed to wear bathing suits like THAT!”

~~~ooooOOOOoooo~~~ 

The balm of encouragement is far different than the sting of unsolicited advice.

Notice I said “unsolicited” advice. When someone asks for advice, when someone actively seeks your counsel, that’s a far different matter. The problem is: too many times we give advice when we should be giving encouragement.

The next time we’re tempted to say, “Let me give you a piece of friendly advice,” let’s just keep out mouths closed and listen to what our friend is trying to say, offering encouraging words instead of our professional opinion. Deal?

Encouragement Says:
How can I help?
Unsolicited Advice Says:
Here’s what I would do … and how I would do it.

Encouragement Says:
I believe in you!
Unsolicited Advice Says:
Follow MY steps to get things done … because I know more than you.

Encouragement Says:
I’m here for you.
Unsolicited Advice Says:
Here’s what you need to do … and how you need to do it.

Encouragement Says:
What do you need from me?
Unsolicited Advice Says:
Let me just explain something to you … since you’re incapable of understanding it without my explanation.

Encouragement causes people to feel empowered. It strengthens relationships. It deepens the bonds between people. It is almost ALWAYS welcomed, remembered, appreciated, and cherished.

Unsolicited advice makes people feel beaten down. It tears down relationships and inadvertently builds walls. It is almost always unwelcomed and the advice that’s given is usually ignored, even if the advice was good advice! Getting advice you didn’t ask for is rarely motivating and usually puts the very person you’re trying to help in a bad mood.

Many blogs (like this one) give lots of advice, but you always have the option to click away and no one will ever know. But when you have a “friend” standing in front of you telling you what you should do, or what they would do if they were in your shoes (they’re not), or how they know what they’re talking about and you don’t, you’re options are limited. Publically ignore them and YOU look like you’re the jerk. Say nothing and they think they’re getting through to you. It’s a no-win situation.

The next time you feel the need to give someone unsolicited advice – I’d encourage you to stop, think of something encouraging to say and remember the old saying:

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Who can you encourage today? Do you have a friend who’s lost a job or maybe even a loved one? How about someone going through some tough times with their teenager or in-laws? Maybe you know a mother who’s experiencing a rough stretch with her three kids under the age of five or someone struggling to perform their job and they’re worried about how they will put food on the table if they become unemployed. Let them know you believe in them and that you’re there for them.

On the flip side — don’t always think that struggling people are the only ones needing encouragement. People who appear successful on the outside also struggle with worry, have fears of not measuring up, and experience feelings of lonliness. Everyone needs encouragement. Everyone.

Have you read these?

• Not Everyone Gets A Prize
• 15 Signs You’re Lying To Me
• The Secret We All Keep
• 12 Ways to Gain Control of Your Emotions
• How To Avoid Appearing Clueless

Back when I was a little kid, my aunt and uncle had a chicken farm with two very large chicken houses. On one or two Sundays each month, my parents would take my brother and me to spend time with our relatives where we learned to talk with a very country accent and learned to appreciate air conditioning. In all seriousness, we loved going to visit my great-grandparents, aunts and uncles and other relatives and it’s odd how so many of the little things I learned have stuck with me. Sayings like:

Boy, no one can get your goat unless you tell them where you tie it. –my great-grandfather, Otis Hancock

He was referring to our tendency to get irritated and then be vocal about it!

Have you ever heard the phrase “running around like a chicken with its head cut off?” Once, when I visited my Aunt Hazel and Uncle Spencer’s home, my Aunt went outside to “harvest” a chicken for our Sunday evening meal. Now, nothing tastes as good as Aunt Hazel’s fresh fried chicken, and no chicken was as fresh as hers. On this occasion, she tied the bird to some wire on the fence just outside the kitchen door and proceeded to cut it’s head off and allow the blood to drain (if this is disgusting, remember that we’re far too removed from the realities of where our food comes from). All the other times I had witnessed this event, the bird went through a brief spasm and expired there on the fence, but this time, the wire wasn’t tight enough and, though HEADLESS, the bird escaped the bonds of it’s ankle wires and began running all over the yard with Aunt Hazel and all the grandkids and nephews chasing it. It was pure pandemonium.

After about 40 seconds, the poor bird ran into the road and was hit by a pickup truck. Talk about having a bad day!

When you have too many goals, you’re a lot like that crazy chicken — running all over the place, people chasing you, out of your mind, and probably about to be hit with something big that will stop you in your tracks.

If this describes you, take these steps so you don’t end up as someone’s dinner:

• Slow down and breath.
• Think.
• Choose one clearly articulated goal at a time and focus like a laser on it.
• Bring that one thing to completion (completed tasks rarely come back to bite you).
• Repeat as necessary.

You don’t have to live a crazy life if you take some time to slow down, take a deep breath and work on one thing at a time. After all, you can’t do more than one thing at a time, at least you can’t do more than one thing at a time really well.

One well defined, measurable goal can motivate you to action more than multiple goals with various deadlines and will generate a feeling that hitting your goal is imperative, not merely desirable.

photo credit: hildgrim

Have you read these?

• How to Develop Discipline
• Encouraging Friend or Unsolicited Advice-Giving Jerk?
• 5 Things I Can Learn From The Life Of Michael Jackson
• Not Everyone Gets A Prize
• 8 Ways to Make Yourself More Valuable at Work

If you drive a car, you need car insurance and in most states (48 of them), it’s more than just a good idea — it’s the LAW! When you buy car insurance, you are buying what is called a policy. The amount you pay is called a premium. Your policy’s premium is based on a variety of factors including the type of car you drive, your driving history, your credit score, other drivers in your family and what kind of insurance you want.

Since state laws vary, some of the coverage types listed here may be required by your state and some of the coverage may be optional.

• Liability – This is the minimum coverage you must carry in 48 states. Liability protection pays for accidental bodily injury and property damages to others, not YOU! Injury damages may include the medical expenses, pain and suffering and lost wages due to someone involved in an accident where you’re at fault. Property damage includes the damaged property of others and their vehicles. This coverage also pays defense and court costs. State laws determine how much liability coverage you must purchase, but you can always get more coverage than your state requires.
• Collision – Pays for damages to your vehicle caused by collision with another vehicle or object.This coverage is almost always required if you owe money on your vehicle.
• Comprehensive – Pays for loss or damage to the insured vehicle that doesn’t occur in an auto accident. The types of damages comprehensive insurance covers include loss caused by fire, wind, hail, flood, vandalism or theft.Again, if you owe money on your car, you’ll probably be required to carry comprehensive coverage.
• Medical Coverage – Pays medical expenses regardless of who is at fault when the expenses are the result of an auto accident.
• Uninsured Motorist -Pays your car’s damages when an auto accident is caused by a driver who breaks the law and doesn’t carry liability insurance.
• Underinsured Motorist – Pays your car’s damages when an accident is caused by someone who didn’t buy enough liability insurance.
• Rental Coverage – Pays for a rental car if your car is damaged in an auto accident and needs repairs. Often this coverage has a daily allowance for a rental car.

The first step in choosing the insurance you want for your car is to know the laws in your state. This will tell you the minimum insurance you need for your car. It’s good to keep in mind that, just because your state may not require extensive insurance, extra coverage may be worth the expense. After all, no one wants to be stuck with thousands of dollars worth of bills because of an auto accident — especially if you were not at fault!

Many insurance policies combine several of these types of coverage into various packages. Don’t be afraid to ask your agent to tailor a package with the types of insurance you specifically need. They CAN do that, trust me. If they won’t, move on to another agent.

photo credit: bobster855

Have you read these?

• Can You Survive As A One Income Family?
• Retailers Biting The Dust – where you WON’T be shopping in 2009
• The 12 Days of Christmas: Day Seven – 7 Money Saving Mind Games
• Good Grief! Time to Start Thinking About Taxes Already?
• 7 Ways to Make A Quick $500 in 30 Days

With the economy in a miserable state, it can be easy to allow your emotions to dictate your responses to everyone from your spouse and children to your boss and coworkers. But responding emotionally can sometimes make a bad situation worse. While it does takes practice, you can control your emotions. Every negative emotion you have begins with a thought, so learn to control your mind and you’ll gain control of your emotions by default. Take every thought captive before it sinks its teeth into you! Give it a shot by following these tips:

Use affirmations: “I can do my job better than anyone,” “I can do a great job on that account,” “I can handle that advanced class.” Politicians are renown for saying only what they want to hear and repeating the same mantra over and over. They “stay on message.” Craft YOUR message and stay on it.

Consciously relax all your muscles. Imagine that you’re being slowly dipped into warm water. Start with your feet and work up to the top of your head then out through your fingertips. Concentrate on keeping all muscles relaxed as you move up your body. Imagine that your forehead is cool to the touch.

Breath deeply. Take several slow, deep breaths and concentrate on feeling calm and relaxed. Use those affirmations while you breathe.

Take a walk. Exercise of any sort will help you relieve stress and clear your mind. A clear mind is better able to control emotions.

Go outside. Get some fresh air and a little sunshine on your face. Getting out into nature can have a wonderful effect on our emotions. You are part of nature so getting out in it is just a natural act.

Visualize yourself remaining calm, succeeding and remaining in control. Imagine that you are able to handle this stressful situation just like the calmest person you know. Visualization is a strong tool that can help you achieve your goal of remaining composed and in control.

Phone a friend. Talking with a supportive friend will help you see things from a more neutral perspective. Everything is going to be okay.

Focus on right NOW. Don’t let a negative emotional reaction affect the outcome. Purpose to NOT allow that to happen.

Use distraction tactics. Think of something that gives you pleasure. Re-live a wonderful time in your life where you could do no wrong and everything was right.

Take a hot shower or relax in a hot bath. Sometimes just being still and quiet can help you reduce stress. Practice your positive affirmations while soaking.

Read something funny or watch a humorous TV show. Humor can make things seem more bearable.

Remember that there are always alternate outcomes. Over 90 percent of what you worry about never happens anyway and 9 of the other 10 percent of the time, things aren’t as bad as you imagined. Refuse to worry about when something is going to happen, instead decide on your course of action if it happens.

Discover your capacity to cope, and impress yourself with your ability. See, you can handle more than you ever thought possible!

Take positive action steps, no matter how small, and you can control your emotions.

Have you read these?

• How To Avoid Appearing Clueless
• Can You Survive As A One Income Family?
• Not Everyone Gets A Prize
• Treat Your Finances Like A Business – SWOT Analysis: What are your opportunities?
• Encouraging Friend or Unsolicited Advice-Giving Jerk?

photo credit: P Keigan

Have a great week and a fabulous Fourth! I’ll post pictures when I get back!

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