Funny Marriage , She And He Jokes

A practical example of how the human mind works

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 09:19:38 PDT

For young men, it's a picture of a lady with a nice arse but only the most observant will notice that she is crossing a street

The really observant will notice that she is wearing a thong.

For older men, she appears to be a respectable woman with a nice arse on her way to work.

The perverts among them will imagine her naked.

Wiser men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer to take the shot in the face of such beauty and be grateful that they shared it with humanity.

For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way. - The other half will think she is a slut but wonder where she bought that blouse.

Older women will imagine the misery that the woman's arse will cause by the time she reaches 50.

But only children, the extremely intelligent and the celibate will notice that the taxi is being driven by a dog.

Dirty Minds

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 12:41:10 PST

After Shower

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 17:18:46 PDT

Get Rid Of your Husband

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 09:02:52 PDT

Get Rid Of Your Wife

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 09:00:49 PDT

Scientists

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:25:26 PDT

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

He says,She says

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 11:24:08 PDT

He says : Why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?

She says: women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just for a little sausage!!!!

What's in a name?

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 01 May 2010 06:40:15 PDT

A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Jaanu, etc.

The guy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy: "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

Promise

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 15:51:18 PDT

A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

They Said About Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 01 May 2010 06:35:17 PDT

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

When I married MR. RIGHT, I didn't know his first name was ALWAYS!

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

Our marriage was a love match. plain and simple, she was plain and I was simple!

IMan: I lost my wife............... Inspector: What is her height....... Man: I never noticed............. Inspector: Slim or healthy.... lost my wife

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 06:28:16 PDT

Man: I lost my wife...............
Inspector: What is her height.......
Man: I never noticed.............
Inspector: Slim or healthy.............
Man: Not slim can be healthy............
Inspector: Color of eyes...........
Man: Never noticed...........
Inspector: Color of hair................
Man: Changes according to season..........
Inspector: What was she wearing...........
Man: Saree/suit/ I don't remember exactly........
Inspector: Was somebody with her ?????????Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. And the man started crying..............
Inspector: Lets search for the dog first !!!!!!!

Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 04:00:17 PDT

Marriage is grand... and divorce is about 10 grand.

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Boss

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 03:55:07 PDT

It doesn't matter how often a husband changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.

cheat

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 03:54:12 PDT

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

man's speech

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 03:53:23 PDT

A best man's speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.

A Boy Heard

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:57:36 PST

A boy asks his father, "Dad, is it true, I heard in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her."

His dad replies, "That happens in every country son!"

The Cost Of Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:55:46 PST

A little boy asks his dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

His father replies to him, "I've no idea son, but I'm still paying for it."

The Wizard

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:54:13 PST

An old man went to a wizard to see if he could remove a "curse" he'd had been living with for 40 years. the wizard says to him, "Maybe, but you'd have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you!"

The old man replies without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife!"

Love Cards

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:41:59 PDT

Young college girl at the local greetings cards store.

Girl: Do you have any sentimental Love cards?

Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says: To the only boy I ever loved.

Girl: Great! I want 10 of them.

YOU CALLING ME COLORED

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:42:38 PDT

A really thought provoking poem:

Dear White Fella,

Coupla Things You Should Know
When I Born, I Black
When I Grow Up, I Black
When I Go In Sun, I Black
When I Cold, I Black
When I Scared, I Black
When I Sick, I Black
And When I Die, I Still Black

And You White Fella,
When You Born, You Pink
When You Grow Up, You White
When You Go In Sun, You Red
When You Cold, You Blue
When You Scared, You Yellow
When You Sick, You Green0
When You Die, You Grey

............. AND YOU CALLING ME COLORED?

shopping

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:56:10 PDT

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.

Who Cheating who??

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:56:47 PDT

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
"Holy crap. That must be my husband!"

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
He
smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his
car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, "Yeah, then why were you running?"

Missing

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:41:30 PDT

Missing: wife and dog. Reward for dog.

Terrible memory

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:58:50 PDT

My wife has a terrible memory - she never forgets anything.

Divorce Price

noreply@blogger.com (Hossam Shawky) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 15:54:51 PDT

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it!