Thighs Wide Shut

Change Is Coming To Thighland

2010-03-05T13:03:00.008-05:00

sooner than you think

New HumpScheyer

2010-03-04T10:23:00.001-05:00

this might be our most flavroite group of Twerps of balls thyme

speaking of balls + Scheyer's mug...

Big Brother Is Watching Juice

2010-03-03T09:39:00.005-05:00

We Live In Public
Startup.tragedy
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

Remember the internets prior to the second millennium (that's 2000 or 2001, depending on your school of dis-thought)? We don't recall all too much from those dark ages, hispecially since the world wide web landscape has changed so dangs much (for the better) since then. Start-ups came and went and only the strong (or lucky?) survived (watch Startup.com as a good starting point). One story lost in the shuffle is that of web visionary Josh Harris. Harris was an 80s early adapter of the on-line world, and foresaw its limitless possibilities, with plenty o' money to be made along with it. Eventually he would create Pseudo.com (a place we once hactually interviewed at upon arrival to NY!), a portal of niche video content that was well ahead of its time (youtube what?), and bandwidth. Harris got mad rich, then mad crazy (sometimes dressing as a clown named Luvvy, and sometimes so at ill-advised moments, like meet & greets with investors) and moved on to other interests. What those interests were is where Ondi Timoner(director of the MUSSSSSSSSSSSSS SEEE Dig!)'s doc travels, and soars, and shocks, and is perhaps the best documentary of 2009... that we sadly didn't see until now

Right around the countdown to Y2K, Harris took his cash and bank rolled an Orwellian social experiment/art project called the Quiet, which put 100 people in a self-contained bunker for a month of non-stop partying, orgies, and... mental torture. All of which was filmed 24-7, with the participants able to monitor each other any time they like, and as privacy and decency dissipated, all hell broke loose (take note Chatroulette!). Watching a rewind of Harris playing Gawd with these peoples literally upset our stomachs and fear for the future, and you truly have to see this to believe it. When that party ended (prematurely), Harris moved onto his next venture, which was an extension of Quiet: We Live In Public. This time he turned the always watching cameras on himself and his then girlfriend, in their own living space. You can probably guess how successful his latest experiment goes, but where does Harris himself go from there? More stuff you gotta see to believe, but lettuce juss say that he's not really living in or for the public any more

DVD bonus content includes some interesting additional info on the Quiet's bunker + a nice lil piece on Timoner herself

Living Will's Lasting Testament: Deadspin/NY Mag/Ebert lover Will Leitch briefly lived in the We Live In Public apartment, while Harris was on vacation/end of his wits. read all about it

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Public is now available on DVD

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Whoop That Trick or Treat Williams

2010-03-02T10:14:00.002-05:00

30 Awesome (although 'awesome' may be stretching it a bit) Rare Star Wars Photos [Movieline]

listen to the Gorillaz' Plastic Beach in its oddly oodley funtastic entirety + peep the vid for 'Stylo' guest starring Bruce Willis! (it's more entertaining than Cop Out)

Cristina Del Basso > Old El Gas-o [1st one NSFW]

Goodbye Winter OfLimpsDicks

2010-03-01T11:00:00.001-05:00

do Front on this

India Reynolds & Friends [NSFW]

+ Utz goes nuts AND cookie!

+ 7 things Back To The Future guessed correctly & Back To The Futures I & II Comparison - 1985 vs 1989 [Pop Candy/Navi]

+ things that became oh so clearer after a trip to the The Loew's Jersey this tweakend: Michael Fassbender as Lt. Archie Hicox in Inglourious Basterds IS Trevor Howard as Major Calloway in The Third Man

Lethal Wet-Sponge

2010-02-26T14:27:00.005-05:00

Cop Out
Chasing Lame-y
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

Anyone who was involved in the making of Cop Out should not only be embarrassed, but they should personally surrender their paycheck to any audience member who makes the giant mistake of seeing this 'throwback' of an 80s buddy cop flick. It's more of a throw-up than a throwback and all prints of this movie should be burned and have their ashes scattered in the Chernobyl reactor so no one would dare to try and retrieve them. We kinda wonder how Cop Out woulda turned out had it moved forward with its original name, A Couple of Dicks, and original duo, Robin Williams and James Gandolfini! But wonder(ing) is for crappy white bread, so what we're forced to deal with is Kevin Smith's directed take on Robb and Mark Cullen's script, although we do wonder how much more awfuler it might have been had Kevin Smith written the script himself

How did this fail more than fail itself? Yes, Kevin Smith's name doesn't scream comedy gold or anything remotely good, but pairing Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan does, and yet the end result is Willis looking like a dumbfounded babysitter, as Morgan unbelievably has more screen chemistry with Seann William Scott than he did with Willis. And how could this script ever be considered a 2008 Black Listee, since it seems like there's a ton of good reasons why it was never produced back then. The plot is this: Willis is suspended w/o pay for a month, which sucks since he has need duckets for his daughter's wedding, so he decides to sell his Andy Pafko Topps #1 card (a card that hactually has more meaning to us and My Man Markvus, since we used to write Beckett Baseball Card Monthly monthly, during our middle school daze, pleading with them to raise the value of that card since it was Topps' very very first one!!), but as the sale is about to go down, it gets STOLEN, and then Willis and Morgan have to jump thru hoops (including the likes of Stifler, Susie Essman, Fred Armisen, Guillermo Díaz, Kevin Pollak and his partner Adam Brody?) to get it back! OH NO!!!!! How will it end????? All we'll say is that the card gets destroyed, his daughter gets married, and every joke found in between, save for a few of Morgan's improvisations, falls flatter than your 5th grade crush's chest (we're gonna keep using this joke for as long as horrid comedies eggist)

OK, there was one redeeming thang about the whole affair: the return of longtime moth-balled synth composer Harold Faltermeyer (Beverly Hills Cop, Top Gun & The Running Man). And the only reason why he was called in was cause Smith wanted him, which is no real sirprize since Faltermeyer scored Fletch and Smith was to make a third Fletch movie, but that spankfully never happened, which restored our faith in a higher being, and if Cop Out is any indication of his Smith's ability to handle a funny-actioner, lettuce hope that it cements his non-involvement in any future Fletch endeavors, or anything for that matter that has an IQ over the lowest common denominator. For more on Faltermeyer, prick up yer ears to this solid interview with him

De La Soul To Her Hole : we never reviewed Nacho Libre, so butter late than never when dropping love to Ana de la Reguera

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

Cop Out strikes out today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Everybody William Hurts

2010-02-26T00:01:00.004-05:00

The Yellow Handkerchief
Everybody DOES William Hurts, Even William Hurt!
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

What's been sitting on the shelf for 2 full years (for good reason) and now dusted off and flung out on screens most likely cause it co-stars Bella from the Twilight series? Did you guess The Yellow Handkerchief? Well, did you? If yer a fan of Kristen Stewart's awkward teen acting, but would rather have a mustachioed William Hurt and a Dopey Cunningham (Eddie Redmayne, also awkward here, but in a good way) keeping her company, as opposed to shirtless werewolves and powdery vampires, then maybe you won't think this Handkerchief mostly blows, and instead reach for one to blow in to! We didn't shed no tearsz, but we did feel for a hurt Hurt, hurting like hurtful diarrhea cause of the never mellow Maria Bello had done broke his dang heart, but he also broke hers, and their sordid story is 1/3rd of a decent movie, but the rest is Hurt, still with a mustache, telling the two awkward kids this love/hate tale, flashback style, as they drive across a sun-drenched Louisiana in search of more sun-drenched Louisiana, but the other 2/3rds coulda also worked had he ran over them two bawkward kids as soon as he met them and then sold their body parts for mustache wax

Chieftains: what the fruck is a kerchief anyway? and better yet, what the frooge is the handkerchief code????

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinking Badges

Handkerchief hunkerchuffs in NY/LA today and st elsewhere st elsewhen!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Paint Misbehavin'

2010-02-25T16:17:00.004-05:00

The Art of The Steal
Barnes Is Noble
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

The best documentaries open yer eyes to something you've never encountered before. Even bester documentaries do the same thing, but leave the viewer thirsting for mo knowledge on the subject once the house lights come on and they leave the theater. Even besterer ones do both them thangs but also enrage the viewer so dang much that they want to spring into action (this is why it's our mos flavorite film genre, besides dystopian future movies from the 70s). Don Argott's engrossing The Art of The Steal does all three, but is so darn angrily one-sided that it's almos hard to stand behind the cause being presented when they don't leave much room for the counterpoint of view (this is why Bill Maher's doc Religulous failed, even if it was frakin highlarious)

So what artful stolenings is going on here? Oh, only one of the mos impressive private art collections in the world, specifically of Impressionist and Post-Impressionist work that's so mammoth and prolific (181 Renoirs, 69 Cézannes, 59 Matisse + choice pieces from El Greco, Goya, Manet, Modigliani, Monet, Prendergast, Picsso, Seurat and some dude named Van Gogh), it makes the Musée d'Orsay blush. All this jazz is housed, 'wall ensemble' style, in a suburb of Philadelphia at The Barnes Foundation, named after Albert C. Barnes, the self-made man who made a fortune on the antiseptic drug Argyrol, then spent his money on those paintings long before the great museums of the world ever took notice. Kudos to Barnes and his keen eye for doing so, and thus he should be allowed to do whatever he wants to do with his own property. So what he did was establish that foundation, a place where students of the arts could... study these arts, and thus also keep the downtown Philly upper crusters and political players from getting their grubby lil hands on his collection. But could it stay like that forever?

Eventually Barnes dies (actually it was suddenly), and although his will explicitly stated that the collection shall never be rearranged, moved, loaned or travel (or any other term that would prevent its escape), not everyone gets their dying wishes granted, hispecially since a new crop of Philly upper crusters and political players have come on the scene wanting the same thing that their predecessors did. These folks will do anything within their power to lawfully, even if done in the shadiest of shady acre ways, get the collection striped from the Barnes' walls and relocated downtown, so more than 400 people per day can see it. Of course any number greater than 400 = big $$szzz and now you can see why the city of 'delphia wants it so badly, and to make a long tangled story that you'll see unfold in the doc short, that's exactly what happened. Like we said, Argott and his ill-tempered talking heads scream nothing but blood murder, and with the way it all went down they have every right to do so, but does it mean they're right?

Visitation Right: a relocation makes sense, since this collection is too important to be hidden, but we suggest you trek down to 300 North Latch's Lane in Merion, PA to see the collection in the only home it has even known, before it moves for good in 2012. that's eggzactly what we did after seeing this doc!! NOTE: reservations are required so plan ahead!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Mosssssssssssssss Def Worth A Peepers!!!!

Steal opens in NY/Philly on Friday and is already avails on IFC on demand!!!!!!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Logorithm Is A Dancer

2010-02-25T10:52:00.000-05:00

World of Logotypes, A thru Z, mid 70s

I'm serious as cancer

when I say rhythm is a dancer

Jailhouse Roquefort

2010-02-25T00:15:00.003-05:00

Un Prophète (A Prophet)
Incarcerated Rookie
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

No good punk Malik (Tahar Rahim) isn't serving a life sentence, but his 6 years behind French-fried bars will provide him with endless life experiences. He walks in illiterate, allegiance-less (he's a Muslim, in name only) and easy pickings for the more tenured inmates. When a crusty old Corsican gang member (Niels Arestrup) takes him under his wing, with a large dose of tough love and even tougher assignments (offing a rat, and not the kind that Henry Jones fears), he quickly rises from golden boy to made man. Eventually allowed access to the outside world due to good behavior, Malik, like most crime doesn't pay ladder climbers, gets to big for his own britches, searching for riches, and ends up crossing all those who helped and stood in the way of his path

Jacques Audiard's Academy Award nominee for Best Foreign Language Film... film (sorry, but it's White Ribbon's to lose) doesn't seem overly original, but there's something about its many borrowed parts and how their fused together in a curious 155-minuted pie that's hard to loss interest in for a single moment. And despite the fact that the misguided Malik isn't the mos lovable character to rah-rah sis-boom-ba over, you've invested so much time watching him that you inevitably want to see if he comes out on top, or simply alive. Don't let the title fool you. There isn't anything deep at play here, even if at times it feels like there might be, but as a viewer, there is much to profit from, and not much to lose

He Likes To Score: one man, one very impressive resume, learn this name... Alexandre Desplat

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Prophète opens in NY/LA on Friday and st elsewhere st elsewhen!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Pen & Stellar

2010-02-24T11:26:00.004-05:00

The Ghost Writer
Write-Wing Politics
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

We'll throw a nit pick picnic any chance we get, but Roman Polanski/Robert Harris' terse pot-boiling political thriller Ghost Writer was flawless (sadly, w/o any bra-less-nessness), that is unless of course you are incapable of forgiving Kim Cattrall for abandoning her British accent after her first spoken sentence (and for not abandoning her clothes). Yeppers, you can do no wrong with his no man is an island off the coast of Boston creeper, which cannot be said of the much wider released and sloppy Stutter Island. Marty had all the Massachusetts settings he'd ever want at his disposal, but since Roman can't set foot in America, he made seaside Germany work rather well as a New England stand-in. Also, he didn't have Leo or Ruffs or Gandhi to work with, but he made Pierce Brosnan work, which really isn't that hard, as long as he isn't within 20 feet of an ABBA song [d]. Bronsie plays an ex-British Prime Minister fading out of his prime, and in the process of having his memoirs ghost written, but when his writer mysteriously dies Ewan McGregor steps in... to a web of intrigue and trouble! That's all we'll say, cept Olivia Williams is tres besty and any movie where James Belushi (appearing briefly, with shaved head!) isn't an embarrassment is something to be taken seriously, and enjoyed to the fullest!

Noble Romans: looking for another write-ly spirited flick? look no further than Claude Lelouch's twisty Roman De Gare

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Ghost is currently playing in LA/NY and st elsewhere st elsesoon!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Ba-Con Artist

2010-02-23T09:21:00.001-05:00

Bacon Cheese Turtleburger

[This Is Why You're Fat]

hopefully they were served by a woman in a bacon-kini

Hip To Be SquarePants

2010-02-22T13:50:00.004-05:00

4 pairs of Wranglers you won't be c-ing Favre sportin anytime soon

Miracle Whip It Happened One Night

2010-02-22T01:41:00.009-05:00

gold medal: white American dudes dry humping one another on ice while the entire populace of Canada drowns their tears in Tim Horton donuts and whatever else they have in Canada besides the editor of Egotastic.com

silver medal: hope Ovi next takes a dump on Cindy Crosby

bronze medal: camel toes, ON ICE!

Myoptical Delusions of Slander

2010-02-19T15:58:00.023-05:00

Shutter Island
The Island of Doctored Morose
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

Remember when the trailer for Marty Scorsese's Shutter Island dropped on an unsuspecting world last summer? We hadn't seen such obvious plot divulging since the olden days when trailers practically gave everything away including the kitchen zinc! Stop here if you haven't seen the aforementioned trailer, stop in general if yer thinking about running off to the theater to see this. According to said trailer, the big question is who was the 67th patient on Shutter Island (think Arkham Asylum on Alcatraz)? It doesn't take someone smarter than a 5th grader to figure who unlucky #67 might be. Urgh! Even if you haven't seen the trailer, it won't take you long to discover who it is. And if you can't figure it out early on, they hammer home the (not much of a) reveal over and over (actually there's a lot of stuff repeated, including a lot of unnecessary Holocaust imagery), up until a point where you'd rather be committed to any other available mental institution besides this one that's miles off the coast of Boston, although apparently not far enuff to lose that wretched accent at sea (damn you book writer Dennis Lehane!!!). Speaking of speaking with wretched accents, what's up with Leonardo DiCaprio's? Every movie he stars in should ban words containing 'sh' and 'ch' sounds, cause the way he spits em out of his mouth is more grating than a cheese grater grating yer balls that's greater than the size and smell of Grape Ape's dumps. Is Leo #67? Is Grape Ape?

Maybe 67 is Leo's partner Mark Ruffalo, who has joined him on the island to investigate the disappearance of a patient, which may be Emily Mortimer or is it Patricia Clarkson? Are they #67? Is it the hospital administrator Ben Kingsley, who's having more fun here than anyone else? Or his German sidekick doc Max von Sydow, having the second most amount of fun? Perhaps it's warden Ted Levine (who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of The Lambs) or John Carroll Lynch (the Zodiac in Zodiac) or weaselly looned inmate Jackie Earle Haley (what a stretch for him!). Perchance it's Leo's dead wife Michelle Williams who haunts him more than this movie will ever haunt its audience. That's right, there aint no scares, thrills, chills, bumps, mumps, German measles or anything, cept sum fantastic looking filming locales (see below) and an endlessly clawing Bernard Herrmannesque score that strikes a creepy tone the movie itself can never support. Maybeez the audience is #67?? Maybe, but who cares! The only thing we want to know is what is Heinz' 58th variety?

Set Erector: like we said, one of the only things going for Shutter is the island itself. a thang of udder beauty, which was put together utilizing various forgotten Massachusetts spots, like the abandoned state hospital in Medfield, Peddocks Island, the mill in Taunton + good ole fashioned old fashioned set design

Verdictgo: the sets keep the match in game, barely, so Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Shutter stutters today at a theater new jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

A Pocket Full of Posers

2010-02-19T10:35:00.002-05:00

Happy Tears
Poop Art
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

Mitchell Lichtenstein may bester be known as Roy's boy, but not in our book. In our book, which is bound in pleather, he's the dude who made that decent enuff movie about the girl who has a vagina with teeth that will forever have a place in our heart all cause of this brief but brilliant performance by a dirty old man. We wouldn't say that our eggspectations were riding high or even anywhere near medium for whatever his follow-up feature was gonna be (unless it was a Teeth prequel involving that dirty old man), but the possibilities of Parker Posey and Demi Moore playing daughters and caretakers to their dear old demented Rip Torn dad, and his whacked-out golddigging Ellen Barkin hobag had us thinking another House of YES!!! Guess we shoulda thought otherwise, as in house of NO!!!!!!!

Don't know how Lichtenstein couldn't make this work, with such aces in his hand, but nothing here feels fleshed out, beyond how zany the characters are suppose to appear (they're like cooky cousins of the Little Ms Poopshoot clan, stuck at home, instead of the road). Lost in the shuffle is a much more interesting side-story involving Posey's husband (Dexter season 1's Christian Camargo), who is the son of a renowned deceased artist, having an all-life crisis living in his pop's shadow. They say you should write what you know, and that bit sounds more up his alley than what we're chiefly presented with instead. Hopefully Lich knows a lot about dirty old men, cause we'd really like to see that Teeth prequel with the dirty old man

Lichtey Mind Splitting!: papa's House I, which sits on the lawn of DC's National Gallery of Art, muss be seen to be disbelieved!

Verdictgo: purty much Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

Tears opens today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Tar Heel Before Zod

2010-02-18T16:15:00.005-05:00

Blood Done Sign My Name
Racial Divide & Conquer
Trailer & Mo

On May 11th, 1970, a black man named Henry 'Dickie' Marrow was murdered (for no good reason) in Oxford, North Carolina, in broad night-light by three white men (one played by Lee Norris, who got plugged by the Zodiac killer in the opening of Fincher's flick). This single event would spark the long-boiling fire smoldering within the black community and spring them into action, to no longer walk and be treated as second class citizens in an area still heavily segregated. Blood Done Sign My Name is the needed to be told tale of the preceding and post...ceding chain of events, written by Tim Tyson, who saw all of this unfold before his very young and innocent eyes. Tyson was the son of a newly arrived to town white preacher (hey, it's Rick Schroder, and he's purty darn good at this acting thing!), who was a bit more racially open than what the townsfolk were used to at the time, but hey, the times, they were a changin', whether they liked it or not

While the film's opening devotes a lil too much attention to the settling in of the Tyson family in their new surroundings, the focus rightfully shifts to the black community after Marrow's murder, and sticks with it right up until the typical courtroom finale, which will either close the case for good or fling it wide open for further outrage (we're not telling!). Led by local teacher Ben Chavis (Great Debater' Nate Parker), with a lotta help from an outside rebel rousing spiritual guide (Afemo Omilami), the community (sorry, but we can't think of another word to use here) bands together and they shall/will overcome!! The Jeb Stuart (can his name be any more southern?) directed affair is purty rudimentary and reeks of production values straight outta a TV movie of the week, but the story and its message is anything but a TV movie of the weak

Tyson's Cornered: there's two sides to every story, and this dude aint buying Tim Tyson's version one bit

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Blood done get played in limited release starting tomorrow

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Straight To Video Killed The Ringo Starr

2010-02-18T12:34:00.005-05:00

The Good Guy
Friday Night Plights of Unfancy
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

Oh, The Good Guy, how you try (not) so hard at being a legitimate movie, and at best, yer a poorly pieced together generic TV pilot that would never get picked up, not even on the CWUPNWB. And Good Guy, despite yer obvious plotting (girl with bad guy, doesn't realize it, good guy comes along...) + yer no frills acting (Alexis Bledel and Scott Porter), wooden acting (Bryan Greenberg), annoying acting (Anna Chlumsky and Aaron Yoo), and overacting (Andrew McCarthy), you still somehow overcame yer early eye-roll inducing ways and semi-charmed our pants 1/4 the ways down in the end, even more so than Valentine's Day did. How is that possible Good Guy when yer basically a dud? What's in yer magic hat of crap first time writer/director Julio DePietro? How'd you get us to pity yer poop and root for yer characters that we'd honestly rather see die in a kiln explosion? Some questions are best left unanswered, juss like some movies are best not ever seen

An Angel On Our Lista: movie's bad guy gets frisky with Christine Evangelista, and we'd like to do the same. maybe Christine was the only reason we sorta didn't fully hate this crud??

Verdictgo: Very Very Little Merit But No Stinkin Badges

GG goes good, bad and ugly in NY & Cali only this Friday, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

3rd 1st Bass

2010-02-17T16:04:00.004-05:00

Saul Bass kicks major b-a$$. hopefully that aint news to you, since the guy was a movie title and poster designing dynamo (in addition to being an award winning filmmaker in his own write). what gets lil love and attention is his design firm's work on corporate logos and branding, so below is a collection of sum of the mo iconic chronic ones (with hidden fun found by clicking on the images)

Wesson Oil

1964

Warner Communications

1972

United Way

1972

United Airlines

1974

Security Pacific Bank

unknown

Rockwell International

1968

Quaker Oats Company

1971

Minolta

1978

Lawry's Foods

1964

Kleenex

unknown

Girl Scouts of the USA

1978

Geffen Records

1980

Dixie

1969

Continental Airlines

1968

Celanese

1965

Bell

1969

Avery International

unknown

AT&T

1984

Alcoa

1963

Sheb Wooley Bully

2010-02-16T11:00:00.000-05:00

Gemma Merna adds Nuts to make our bananas split

Morley Safer takes a look back at Andy Rooney's career

lil Bobby Tickle will be the only one enjoying Jennifer Ellison's breasteszz for the next year or so

all of us will be enjoying Christina Hendricks' ginger spice rack for the foreseeable future

what the world doesn't need more of: Coppola directors

what the world needs more of: Coppola Pachinko commercials

pictured: the White Plains chapter of the Entourage fan club

He Gets Stoopid, He Shoots An Arrow Like Cupid, He Uses A Word That Don't Mean Nothin, Like Looptid

2010-02-12T11:39:00.010-05:00

Valentine's Day
Dumb, Actually
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

To be purrfuctly honest, we don't give much of a damn these days about director(/writer/producer/actor) Garry Marshall and his comings and goings (Georgia Rule? Raising Helen?? The Princess Diarrheases??? guess he didn't have a second The Flamingo Kid in him), and apparently these days Mr Marshall treats his audience in purty much the same way. How else can one explain his putrid Valentine's Day, one of the sorriest eggcuses for what we humans refer to as a 'movie', who's sole reason for eggistence is so that wives, girlfriends and significant udders round the globe will have something (more like NOTHING) to drag their paramours to this weekend, in what has gots to be one of the more dreadful holidays on the calendar, well, besides New Year's Eve. What a coincidence then that Garry has already been slated to direct a spin-off of this movie that tackles the waning moments of December 31st. Dear lord, and John, and anyone else who can save us from this unripe tripe that makes He's Just Not That Into You look like An Affair To Remember

Sure, we'll admit 10000000% that we are not the target audience of this mushy mush that's over stuffed with about 117817 plotlines that are about as complicated as multiplying any number with zero. Speaking of zero, that's about how much we love this cast on a scale of 1 to 22393942444. Without even seeing the movie, the following names alone act as a movie (not-)going repellent to our eyes and ears: Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates (imagine cinema life had she not won an Oscar), Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx (will you peas stop making crap on top of all the good that you have done did?), Jennifer Garner (please shut yer face), Topher Grace, Ashton Kutcher (if only the scripts he were given were restricted to 140 characters), Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, George Lopez (sirprizngly, one of the lesser annoying people here), Emma Roberts + Taylor Swift (we'll give a pass to Hector Elizondo, Anne Hathaway, Shirley MacLaine & Kristen Schaal???). And how about Marshall's ole musey pal Julia Roberts? Ever time she appears in a movie, they (whomever 'they' is) make it out to be some humongo rare event, but why? She's barely an actress, and they pay her like she was 392923747 Meryl Streepses. They should pay her like she was Emma Roberts! And neither of them should work more than Eric Roberts!!! If the above mentioned peeps are yer kinda peeps, than by all weighs & means, run, do not walk to the theater, for what is the equivalent of drinking a cola that isn't Coke, Pepsi or even RC

The Marshall Plan: not only does Garry make his audience suffer, but his own family too! he gave some walk on VDay roles to his wife Barbara, children Kathleen & Scott, and grandkids Sam & Lily Marshall-Fricker + one for Jim Belushi's son Robert as well

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

VD breaks brains, robs wallets today at a theater near jews,

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed...

Proustmodernism

2010-02-11T11:42:00.001-05:00

Museum of Modern Tweets
may you never shut yer newly opened doors!

[vultureblog]

This Is A Loew's!!!

2010-02-10T10:12:00.005-05:00

Brooklyn's long neglected Loew’s Kings Theater to be resurrected and reopened by 2014!!!!

mo pics of the theater as it be today

bet Joan Blondell would approve

and the current state of the other 4 Loew's Wonder Theatres??
Loew's 175th St Theatre, Manhattan - a church & concert venue
Loew's Jersey Theatre, Jersey City - a restored movie palace!!
Loew's Paradise Theatre, The Bronx - a peforming arts center
Loew's Valencia Theatre, Queens - a church

Massive Atack!

2010-02-09T00:01:00.006-05:00

The British Invasion's latest import, The Inbetweeners, has gotten us all bitten and instantly smitten (and how could it not, as it hails from the same channel that birthed flavs Skins & Misfits), and after peepin episode 4 of season 1, we want to put our paws all over this kitten

Emily Atack!

the (b)re(a)st hear [sadly SFW]

+ for no reason: Jedward featuring Vanilla Ice 'Under Pressure (Ice Ice Baby)'

Precious: Based On The New Orleans Saints Super Bowl Push by Drew Brees & Co.

2010-02-08T09:55:00.002-05:00

Drew Brees' DJ son Baylen