Today’s featured blogger is one who adores blogging and the friendships that come with it: and you can read her enthusiasm in all she does. Please welcome Kristen from A Little Something for Me.
I’ve broken almost every bloggy “rule” over on my blog. I didn’t nickname my children. I talk about their medical needs. I’m too open. I share too much. I’ve made a lot of “oops’s” on my blog. But, I rarely ever blog about my marriage. Hubs isn’t really into blogging and he is (believe it or not) a very private person. I don’t want to cross boundaries. Plus – I know that words on the internet are forever… so I just steer clear of that topic on my blog.

But this is things I can’t say – right? So – my official disclaimer is I’m going “All – In.” On Things I Can’t Say. I’m sorry if anyone’s feelings are hurt – this is why I don’t say them over on my blog.

I hate that my parents are divorced. There. I said it. (Mom, stop feeling guilty already!) It is not that I hate our collective life since. My dad has remarried and she is a great person in our family. I wouldn’t trade her. It is what the divorce has done to me… in my personal life circumstances.

You see… most people fight, get over it, and move on. You know what I do? I linger on it. I fret over it. I let it worry on my heart. Because I know that one day my parents loved each other. One day they chose to marry each other. One day they chose to have kids. And … all I remember is my parents fighting. So, how did they go from point A to point Z? What were all the letters that happened in between?

Was it simple arguments over shoes left laying in the living room? Was it arguments over who cooks or cleans or does the dishes? Was it feeling unappreciated? Because, honestly – haven’t we all felt this way at one point or the other?

Which brings me back to the worry of it all. I trust in my vows. I took them for life. I know my husband did also.

BUT… we are under enormous stress. Ask a parent of multiples. Especially if they have a singleton, they will tell you that having multiples puts a strain on a marriage. I don’t know exactly why that is… but it is true. Maybe it is the stress of having to nurture two at the same developmental age at the same time. Maybe it is the stress of knowing that if you screw it up – you screw it up times 2. Honestly, we don’t really know the difference, because we did not have a “singleton” first. This is all we know.

Ask the parents of a child with special needs. If they are honest, they will probably tell you there is added stress there too. The stress of not knowing how things will be. (I know there are no guarantees… but most of us have a vision of how we think life will look in 10 years.) Hubs and I literally have no idea what life will look like. Maybe it is the stress of the extra chores we do to keep our children healthy. Maybe it is the stress of the extra doctor appointments and therapies and the spreading of everyone so thin. Maybe it is the combination of all of these things. Honestly, I don’t know…

I only know that it exists.

So here is the thing I can’t way. I worry about my marriage. I know that will scare my parents and in-laws and family and friends. But, I don’t mean it that way. We are fine. We love each other. We work together as a team. I am happily married.

But when you add the stress + the normal “are you wearing my socks?” argument (hubs asked me last night… I was. He was not thrilled. It was his last pair. Oops.) + the knowledge that my own parents once loved each other and then didn’t….

It scares me. A lot. There. The things I can’t say.

 

Welcome back to the Blog Conference Prep series that Ashley from My Front Porch Swing and I have been working on. If you missed any of the series so far, be sure to check out:

• How to anticipate conference costs
• How to get a conference sponsor
• How to prep your blog for a conference
• How to prep your life for a conference
• How to talk to brands
• How to get over your fear of talking to other bloggers

Today, we’re getting down to the practical: what you need to bring with you. Ashley is going to share what you should carry around with you during the day at the conference. But, I’m going to let you know about those things that you need to have with you in your room. Also known as the things you might not have thought of, but will be thankful you have.

Power strip and chargers for all electronic devices. While you shouldn’t have a shortage of outlets in your room, if you have multiple roommates and you are all trying to charge your laptops, tablets, phones, cameras, etc., you’ll be glad that you have that power strip. You’ll be using all your devices, so you will need to charge them!

Moisturizer. The air at conferences is notoriously dry. Bring body lotion and face lotion.

Make-up remover. I can usually get away with using face soap to remove all of mine, but when I’m stumbling in coming into the room at 3am after being up all day, I need a little more help. Maybe you do, too.

Concealer or eye brightener. Another item I usually only pull out for conferences. Long nights can mean tired-looking eyes. My own not-so-secret weapon is Benefit Eye Bright.

Extra contacts/glasses. If you are like me, you can’t see past the end of your nose without the help of contacts or glasses. Be sure to bring an extra pair so you don’t end up miles from home with no back-up in the event of a tear or break.

Book/kindle. For any downtime(not that there will be much!), but think about the airport wait, too. In a conference jam-packed with technology, sometimes it’s nice to step away from the internet and lose yourself in a book.

Water Bottle and snacks. While conferences will have food and drinks, it’s nice to have your own stash of snacks.  The room that they take up in your suitcase on the way to the conference can be filled with swag on your way home.

This last one isn’t must-pack, simply a nice suggestion. You can bring a small gift for your roommates. Maybe it’s a peace offering for the fact that you snore or like to take incredibly long showers. Note: my roomie and I have roomed together for five conferences now, so the only gesture we make is playing who is paying for the first round of drinks.

What are your must-have items for a conference?

Be sure to check out Ashley’s post today on the must-haves for your conference tote bag.

If you are a regular around here, you probably know that the past month and a half have been especially hard around here. With my five year-old basically getting kicked out of school and then his evaluation leading to a PDD-NOS diagnosis. Trying to figure out what to do for him, how to help him: it pretty much kicked my ass. I haven’t been me.

But, yesterday, we had a meeting at a different school(the same one that my oldest attends) and we have a temporary plan in place to help him and he’s going to start school on Monday. They’ll do some observation and then come up with a more long-term plan.

Just knowing that something is going to be done is a huge load off. I can already feel myself breathing easier and I know that I will be feeling more like myself soon because my son will be getting the help that he needs.  This is still all new to us and still too raw for me to really poke at too much(note to self: stop with the heavy appointments on Tuesdays- you need more time to process before PYHO), but I know(and am thankful for) those of you who have been following along with this and giving me so much support might appreciate a small update.

But, in the meantime, I did pour my heart out yesterday on my friend Ashley’s blog as part of her Porch Swing Stories. I’d love if you headed over there to visit my post: What Love Feels Like.

Google keeps making all sorts of changes! As you may have heard, starting in March this year Google Friend Connect is being discontinued on non-Blogger blogs. Since I made the switch to wordpress recently, this will affect Things I Can’t Say.

To make sure that you continue to receive updates on new posts, please subscribe by RSS (click the link and choose your reader) or by email(enter your email addy into the form below- and be sure to click on the confirm link when you receive it in your email).

You can also follow me on twitter- though I have to admit, I follow people on twitter more to chat than to get their blog updates- it’s too easy for blog posts to get lost in all the chatter. Though, I’d still love to see you over there- tweet at me and I’ll follow you back.

Or you can like Things I Can’t Say on facebook for blog updates and general rantings. Plus, I ask for contributions to posts and for your fan pages so I can share those, too. I used to cheat on facebook with twitter, but now I cheat on twitter with facebook.

You can find other bloggers participating in Saving Our Subscriptions by following the #SOSubscribers hashtag on twitter. Thank you so much for being a reader of Things I Can’t Say- I have to admit, it’s much more fun talking to y’all than to myself.

When it comes to finding things for my home, I admit that I’m often stumped. I want quality, I want something unique. But, where to find functional items with style, I had no idea. Sure, I could head to one of the big box stores, but then I would only find what everyone else has.

Since I turn to the internet for almost anything, it seems silly not to try to search for more stylish and unique items.  And this is where I was introduced to Erie Drive.

Erie Drive’s selection of unique and quality home accents and accessories are stylish, unique, and functional. I had the opportunity to speak with their Creative Director, Alexandra Grenham, and she explained Erie Drive’s boutique approach to buying. Every single item that you see on their site has been carefully hand-selected. They care about function, design, and fun: their selections all have personality.  They also try to be as eco-friendly as possible.

I was intruiged by how much care they put into the selection of what they sell.  As I browsed through their site, I found so many beautiful and useful items. From kitchen items to bed and bath to travel accessories and even children’s items, I was impressed by the variety of the selection at Erie Drive.

Not only can you find items for your home on their site, but there are different gift items, including work by talented, obscure artists that Erie Drive has chosen to showcase. Their site has a little bit of everything; these items aren’t going to be found everywhere. Unique style is what you will find with Erie Drive.

I had the opportunity to select items for review and I can’t wait to share My Personal Picks with you! I’m busy test-driving them so that I can give you a full report soon. In the meantime, check out Erie Drive and see what you think! You can also like them on facebook and follow them on twitter.

And pssst… you won’t want to miss their current giveaway: a trip to London!

Erie Drive is sponsoring my trip to Blissdom and has sent me items for review. As always, all opinions are my own. 

Today’s featured blogger has one of the best and most appropriate blog names out there. Every time I have visited her since she changed her blog name, I get that dang-why-didn’t-I-think-of-that pang. Please welcome Rach of Life Ever Since. 

I don’t usually talk about other people in my life on blog, except of course my husband and child. So when Shell asked me to share something that I can’t say on my blog, my heart ached to talk about something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, but never felt brave enough to talk about on my own blog.

I’m in the middle of a breakup. A friend breakup. And it’s so very hard.

You see, I’m a loyal person. Like puppy-licking-your-face overly loyal to a fault.

And I persist in my friendships, way past the expiration date. Oh sure I’ve got some wonderful friendships and those have definitely withstood the test of time. Hey, if you can survive middle school with your friendship intact, that says something about a person, right?
But this sense of loyalty I have is causes me to get my feelings hurt easily and is causing me a lot of pain right now. The whole “be nice to everyone” mentality is killing me. Because I have someone in my life who I don’t feel is being nice to me. And this person was someone I thought was a friend.

I’ve known her for many years. I shared my ugly secrets with her. I told her about my miscarriage a couple years ago–before I even told my own mother. She was that kind of friend.

Or so I thought. But ever so slowly, I’ve realized that she has not viewed our friendship in the same kind of light that I did. I realized that she never opened up her heart to share anything with me–good or bad. She’d share with our other friends, but it was obvious by the lack of communication and eye contact that I was left out in the cold. The final straw came when she had some really great news, but basically told me that I wasn’t on the “need to know” list.

Ouch.

But I still persisted. I asked if I’d said or done anything to hurt or offend her. I wanted to rectify the situation. The answer was always the same: Everything’s fine. But it was obvious that it wasn’t. I finally got to the point where I realized that the whole thing was pointless. Not just for her, but for me.

Because my friendship is worth more than that.

I finally realized that if she cared about my friendship, then she would’ve made an effort to include me in her life. And I also realized that the “just be nice” part of me allowed people to easily put me away on a shelf to gather dust–only to be taken out if I was needed.
I wanted my friendship to be wanted. To be valued and cherished. So I’m setting some boundaries. I declared on Twitter that I was making this the Year of Awesome. And part of that is not allowing myself to be treated as less than.

My husband coined a new term for this: Relationship Triage. My time is so limited these days that whatever free time I have should be spent in healthy, edifying relationships.

So I’ve set limits on this friendship. I don’t go out of my way to text or email. I’ve stopped asking if we could meet up to talk things through. I didn’t invite her to my daughter’s 1st birthday party. And I didn’t do it to be mean. I did it to let go.

It hurts. And I feel guilty. I feel like I’m not being nice anymore. But I have to draw a line somewhere. I can’t be friends with everyone. I can be polite and civil. And I will be should I see her again.

But I know that it’s ok to say no. It’s ok to let go of an unhealthy relationship. I wouldn’t want my daughter being treated this way. So why should I let her mother be?

But yeah. Breaking up is hard to do.

A blog conference is not the junior high cafeteria all over again and you don't have to sit alone!

A big fear before a blog conference is will I know anyone and will anyone talk to me? While you can do things before the conference to connect with other conference-goers, it’s hard to get over that fear that you’ll be re-enacting that awkward junior high scene of standing in the doorway to the lunchroom and not knowing where to sit.

Some tips to remember when you have those moments of fear:

1. You always have an easy “pick-up” line: Hey baby, what’s your twitter handle? Okay, I wouldn’t put it like that, but you are all bloggers. Finally, you are in a room full of people who get it instead of giving you a funny look when you say you blog. Swap blog cards, ask what session someone just came from, talk about your blogs! No matter your blogging niche, you have a lot in common with the people around you.

2. Don’t ever think someone doesn’t want to talk to you. You see that woman who looks like she’s super-involved tweeting away on her phone? Or that one who only smiled as you passed each other in the expo hall? She might be too nervous to go talk to you. Bloggers are unique in that we express ourselves through the typed word and can sometimes be quiet IRL. So, YOU can be the one to strike up a conversation. Remember that conversation works two ways: as friendly as people can be at conferences, you can’t expect that everyone will approach you- you need to approach people, too!

3. Everyone has been a newbie at one time. Even those bloggers whose names are enough to make the rest of us swoon with blog envy: they had their turn at being a newbie. And they remember what it was like. They are there to meet people, too.  Go talk to them- they will talk to you!

4. Twitter is your friend. Watch the conference stream. People will tweet what they are off to do and often invite others to go with them. Or you can tweet that you are about to go do something like go find a snack, and ask if someone wants to come along. Tweet that you’re going off to find a drink and I’ll probably show up at your side. Also, Blissdom has Community Leaders for different niches. Send out your tweet with both the Blissdom hashtag and the one that applies to you like #BlissdomNewbies if you are looking for a friendly face.

What are your tips for connecting with others at a conference?

This post is a part of a Blog Conference Prep series that Ashley from My Front Porch Swing and I are working on. Be sure to check out the other posts in this series:

• How to anticipate conference costs
• How to get a conference sponsor
• How to prep your blog for a conference
• How to prep your life for a conference

And don’t miss Ashley’s post today about How to Talk to Brands at a Conference. If you have any questions about getting ready for a blog conference that you’d like us to answer, just let us know!

I cried this morning because I burned the scrambled eggs I was making for my husband’s breakfast.

I burned them because I was trying to do too much all at once.

Get three kids dressed, find their shoes, their backpacks, their lunchboxes.

Search the van for a missing backpack.

The van that is a mess, like everything else seems to be.

Because I just can’t get on top of anything these days.

There’s so much running around.

Even though I don’t actually accomplish anything.

Just a never-ending cycle.

This one to school, that one to school, the other to therapy appointments.

Explain why one doesn’t have school, even though he really wants to go.

Know that I need to get him into a school that will help him.

But having no luck getting that done.

Knowing I’m not doing enough.

Feeling like I’m forever behind.

Like I’m tired all the time.

Feeling like I just can’t do this.

So the eggs stay on longer than they should and they burn.

And so I cry over burnt eggs.

Because this is something I can fix.

Throw them in the trash, rinse the pan, start over, and be able to fix it.

So easy. And no one even has to know that I burned the damn eggs in the first place.

If only everything else could be fixed so easily.

Memes, link-up, linkys, linkies.

I know there are arguments out there that you shouldn’t participate in them because you should come up with your own content.  But, I think that you can still be completely YOU and participate in these link-ups, as long as you choose the right ones for you.

What is the benefit to participating?

Well, it all comes down to connecting.

But, if you want a more in-depth answer, check out my guest post on Business 2 Blogger about Why You Should Participate in Blog Memes.

Comments are off here. 

Wow, does life get busy.

My head can start to spin with everything that I have to do. Everything I need to do. Everything I want to do.

I can get easily distracted as I feel pulled in a million different directions. Lose my focus, lose patience, lose sight of what is most important.

But, in a moment, I am reminded of what really matters.

What the center of my world is.

What will always be my most important focus.

And that is this:

Link up all this week with Galit and Alison for Memories Captured.