Things I Jizz At

Cover'ed with jizz!

2010-03-16T10:52:00.001-04:00

I have long expressed my undying love for The Onion AV Club and their awesome writers and thoughtful features as well as The Hater, who is my pop culture soul mate. Well, now they have come up with a fun fun project - 25 bands covering 25 songs and it kicked off with Ted Leo!

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists cover Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

Oscars mini jizz/reverse-jizz

2010-03-08T11:45:00.002-05:00

Another year, another Oscars! This year, the big winner was Sandy Bullock! Even if she had lost the Oscar, she would still have been the big winner, because she looked stunning and carried herself with humility and grace in a year when both were lacking (I'm talking to you, snooty "I've already won twice" costume designer!).

Other jizzes went to Vera Farmiga, Oprah Winfrey, Gabby Sidibe, Rachel McAdams, Neil Patrick Harris, George Clooney, and the always glorious Meryl for looking like they were having a good time!

Reverse-jizzes go to Kristen Stewart, who despite looking pretty for a change, still managed to look bored and put-upon when presenting the horror movie montage. Molly Ringwald was fairly terrifying, and whoever spray-tanned SJP should be taken out and shot!

Alec Baldwin & Steve Martin with a little help from Neil Patrick Harris made a nice, easy-going Oscar ceremony, but the awkward "no you're the best" presentations for the big awards just made me uncomfortable. Even though, Gabby Sidibe must've felt like she won all of the Oscars after the speech Oprah gave!

Also, major Jizz to Kathryn Bigelow, who despite wearing a not-so-good dress, made a great movie and showed up her ex-husband in a year when that seemed impossible! I was excited even though it lost me $95 in my Oscar pool!

For photos & more commentary, read the Fug Girls!

Jizzie Bauer

2010-01-04T10:42:00.003-05:00

Who knew mom clothes could be so awesome?! Well, my friends, I am now a believer! Apparently, being in your 30s means you can admit things like "I am petite" and "Maybe my grandmother was on to something" when it comes to clothes and shoes!

Big sale happening now & the outlets are awesome.

Biggest Loser Jizz-loss Yoga!

2009-12-10T12:32:00.002-05:00

For those times in your life when you're feeling a little sluggish, Bob is there to help you sweat it out!

Patton Oswalt's Christmas Shoes

2009-12-01T18:47:00.001-05:00

Watch this hilarious Patton Oswalt comedy bit cleverly animated to be just perfect for TIJA this holiday season!

A long dry spell . . .

2009-11-19T14:09:00.002-05:00

TIJA compadre, the Kronic and I have been a little lax in our jizz updates due to an insane October and early November, but the holiday season is upon us and we are serving our Thanksgiving turkeys with a warm spurt of thankfulness!

Kronic is going to shank her valiant attempt at the "South Beach" diet in thankfulness for Trader Joe's Peppermint Bark.

I am thankful I got to visit Greece, and that there is always a chance I'll win the lottery and move to Naxos - home of delicious citron, honey and the Portara, "Door to Nowhere." Fingers crossed!

Petroleum JIZZ

2009-09-22T17:58:00.002-04:00

I might not be as crazy as Tyra, but I must agree with her assessment of Vaseline. After two nights using this undercover eye cream, I look almost 27 again!

Jizz / Reverse Jizz Emmy's

2009-09-21T09:50:00.005-04:00

First off, we can agree that Neil Patrick Harris is suave, adorable, and generally awesome. Congrats, NPH! I do think dividing the show into categories, while perhaps better for those of us who couldn't care less about reality TV and need to clean the kitchen, made for a less exciting show.

Major JIZZ to Jon Hamm & Jennifer Westfeldt. Jon Hamm couldn't be anymore charming and he seems to genuinely love his lady in that hot Prince Charming way!

The ladies of Mad Men were relatively lackluster. Elisabeth Moss looked pretty, but her dress was entirely too bedazzled for such a tiny lady. She needed a Kronhaus creation, obviously.

And Christina Hendricks always looks like death warmed over on the red carpet, but she is so incredibly hot on Mad Men. FIX IT!

Same with January Jones - at least her hair and make-up were lovely. That dress . . . stop wearing cheap white dresses, January, and maybe the Emmy's will wake up and realize you are doing some of the best acting on TV.

A shocked jizz goes to Drew Barrymore, who after this nightmare, managed to look youthful and fresh and sweet. She should always go for sweet over crazy and punk.

And I loved Blake Lively's dress - yes it was a little brazen, but if I had her body, well, you'd all be lucky if I ever wore clothes!

Now, bring on the Oscars!

They should call them "skeets"

2009-09-01T14:43:00.004-04:00

Now, I resisted twitter for longer than most, certainly longer than Steve Inskeep and his fellow NPR News hosts who can't talk about anything but "tweeting!" After a couple of weeks exploring the Twitter-verse, I must say, I am hooked!

Jessica Simpson's brilliance brightens my day ("My parents home is a sanctuary. I love velveeta!! :)") and ShitMyDadSays causes belly laughs ("The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that.").

Oh and we mustn't forget SHAQ!

Take a spin through twitter and report back if you find something good!

Poor Man's Jizz

2009-08-26T13:45:00.003-04:00

Cooking with Ramen to make actual delicious food is something I just discovered despite Pukey B's frequent endorsement. My favorite cookbook has a bunch of recipes to choose from using this tasty treat, and I intend to make them all! Start with the beef, spinach & shiitake combo. You'll love it!

jizz blast soda!

2009-08-11T15:10:00.002-04:00

A new gas station in town offers 44 oz sodas for $0.59!!!!!
PLUS, their fountain features FLAVOR BLASTS. Mix any two flavor blasts with your soda for an extra flavorful treat that will last you all afternoon. I got Diet Coke with lime, Christina got Sprite Zero with cherry - almost makes us forget that Durham is sorely lacking a Sonic.

Man V Jizz

2009-08-03T09:42:00.003-04:00

Jared & I love this show, but I do start to dry heave a little when he has to eat things with too many eggs. The Portland breakfast burrito almost killed me! A giant donut, though? JIZZ!

Jizzles: CRAZY cores

2009-07-31T15:22:00.003-04:00

I love candy that sounds disgusting, but actually tastes delicious. Gotta love a little mystery in your sugary snack food, too!

Gratuitous tiny scaredy bear jizz!

2009-07-15T17:13:00.002-04:00

Lip sync jizzin'

2009-07-13T13:04:00.002-04:00

Since "Here I Go Again" in the 4th grade, I have been a fan of a good lip sync. My friend Alicia alerted me to this way-too-late-night hilarity. This is my favorite, but choose yours here!

Look at those baby blues!

2009-06-30T12:57:00.001-04:00

30 Minute Jizz

2009-06-30T10:09:00.002-04:00

Dinner before Jeopardy is my motto, and this cookbook will ensure success every time!

kis-jizz and bla-jizz in a ca-jizz

2009-06-15T16:23:00.002-04:00

our friends matt and doug played a little game of cash cab!

itty bitty jizzy committee!

2009-06-05T11:51:00.004-04:00

click here for the cutest kittens you have ever seen. EVER. (the itty bitty kitty committee)

all you people in Seattle must kitten-shop on this website! i am seriously crying tears of jizz.

Glee

2009-06-05T09:19:00.000-04:00

This show should be called JIZZ.

Live action West Wing!

2009-06-03T09:56:00.002-04:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Rahm Emanuel aka Rahm-bo was my favorite part of the "Inside the White House" feature last night. It was like watching West Wing except real! Love it!

It's gonna get messy in here come November!

2009-06-01T10:31:00.000-04:00

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer in HD

breakfast of jizzions!

2009-05-21T10:55:00.003-04:00

My favorite radio show is Breakfast of Champions (Thursday edition) on WMBR - Cambridge! They do mostly new releases, and pick a band of the week, and Keith is the best. They just started letting you listen from the top of the hour, so I don't have to come in early on Thursdays just to listen to more of the show! Two jizz-ups from Pukey.

Jizzia Child

2009-05-19T11:16:00.004-04:00

I did love the book Julie & Julia, but after reading Julia Child's autobiographical, My Life in France, I am truly inspired! The story begins when Julia Child was in her mid-thirties, working as a spy and was, by all stupid societal standards, an old maid. When she was 36, she married Paul Child who was the love of her life. They embarked on adventure and intrigue. No children, but lots of delicious food and fascinating travel. She was hardworking and fun-loving and lived to be 93. She wanted everyone to find joy in their lives and believed that people were what mattered. She found her life's work at the age of 40, so no moping for me as I approach 30. I think I'll go cook something with a vat of butter and maybe some brains! Jizz Appetit, Julia!

ETA: Jane Lynch loves Julia, too!

Wuv, Twue Wuv!

2009-05-18T11:52:00.003-04:00

A whole channel of romantic movies with ZERO commercial interruptions! Hello . . . where have you been all of my life?!