Things I've Found In Pockets

Zombies. All They Need is Love

2012-01-23T19:51:00.001Z

So, we have decided, in a fact-seeking early-morning scientific assembly at Chez Sheppard, that zombies are simply misunderstood. They walk around groaning "BRAAAAIINNNSSSSS..." In fact, they are only trying to explain that due to their lack of functioning brains, they are feeling down and really need a hug. They want to groan, "HUUUGSSS..." and somehow (due to the brains situation) they can't formulate their statement clearly. See? So the next time someone lurches up to you with their arms outstretched, try to find some empathy in your heart, and don't just run away screaming.

"HUUUUUGGSSSS!"
... Discuss.

Good Things

2012-01-20T11:14:00.000Z

Yesterday, there was a complete double rainbow against a dark grey sky. Three seagulls coasted under it, catching the sun and shining so brightly. Everyone was calling everyone else up and saying, "GO AND LOOK OUTSIDE!" and all evening, "Did you see it?" It was at heading-home-from-school time, and teenagers with iPods and phones stopped their bikes and took pictures. When they got home they were all yelling up the stairs and then coming in and dumping their wet jackets on the floor and announcing that they had seen the most amazing rainbow. And then stunned because I SAW IT TOO.

The rainbow faded quickly, but the rainbow mood lasted all evening.

Gratuitous Brasso Seco Holiday Shot

Today it's dreary and grey again, but I keep looking through the window just in case. The birds at the feeder are annoyed. "Whatchoo lookin' at? come and fill 'er up!" I have lots to do, from boring stuff like sole trader taxes to exciting stuff like submitting query letters to new magazines. I have had a few articles accepted or printed this week and it's heady stuff! The new Work Your Way Magazine is out, and you should order or subscribe today! The website is great, and the magazine (featuring my, um, features) is brilliant.

I have an article in an upcoming issue of Aquila, a lovely magazine for curious kids. In which I attempt to explain Mirror Neurons and Empathy to a ten-year-old audience.

And, Green Parent Magazine would like to print my article on getting teenagers unplugged.

All of this is after a year of queries, rejections, total lack of replies, and loss of faith in self. Unfortunately, I cannot quit the day jobs yet, but it's nice to see my name in print, and it makes rejections easier to accept!

What's good with you, peeps? Is 2012 your year?

January, You Are the Pits

2012-01-18T12:55:00.002Z

...Or as my friend Tracy says, "This weather is PANTS!" an English expression which I have adopted wholeheartedly. Yesterday, my camera SD card arrived via registered mail (Thank you thank you Seanos!), so today you get to have a photo of sunshine to brighten your day!

Damian's Bay, where we battled big waves. I bodysurfed a lot, then used my brother's surfboard once and had to lie on the beach to recover.

My lovely friend Pat left a box of hand made Cocobel Chocolate for me at mum's house while I was in Trinidad. I have been eating ONE every few days, they are amazingly good and so pretty to look at. The truffles are ultra-creamy, and the fruity-centred ones, which I usually HATE and give them all to dad, are scrumptious. Not overly sweet or overly 'Flavoured'. The nutty ones are awesome. The chocolate coating itself is very good too, and I know what I am talking about. I think these may be the best chocolates I have ever eaten. Pat, I am RUINED now, I will never eat Cadbury's chockies again. When will we be able to order Cocobel from here? We may have to resort to FedEx!

Looking through all of my photos (1,783 of them!) I am revisiting my holiday. But I'm really supposed to be working. So I will be terribly disciplined, and get back to work, and leave you with just a few.

See, it wasn't ALL sunshine! Five inches of rain falling... and then evaporating again, only to fall an hour later. The forest was like insta-watercyle. I wonder what five inches of rain weighs? These photos taken at the beautiful Brasso Seco Eco Resort.

Hellooo? Is This Thing On?

2012-01-16T12:12:00.001Z

It is well and truly January, peeps. I haven't posted here in weeks! We were off the grid for most of our holiday, which was lovely. I forgot my camera SD card in Trinidad, with thousands of holiday pictures on it, and hopefully it will be here soon, Sean put it in the mail for me. I'm praying that it arrives safely!

Even though I haven't been posting here much, I am still writing regularly over at Work Your Way. If you are a parent who works from home or runs your own business, check out the site for great tips and inspiration! I have a new post up there every Monday morning. I've also been temping last week, at a marketing company. No eating bonbons on the sofa here!

In other news, the weather is not too dreadful (for January), I have many good books to read (which I will eventually get around to), the iPad is loads of fun and we are all enjoying "Artrage" and "Starwalk" among other programs. We all got colds from our travels, but we are fine now. The boys are getting more warlike, and know everything about guns. But they also know about hugs.

I'm watching the birds bicker round the nearly empty feeder as I write. They eat all of the seeds at top speed and then sit looking accusingly through the kitchen window until I climb back up the tree and do a refill. Don't they know I have other things to do?

Happy 2012, my faithful readers!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T14:55:00.001Z

Merry Christmas From my NEW IPAD! Sean can really keep a secret :) thank you babe! We have been having a lovely time, watching five inches of rain fall in the rainforest (the sound of five inches of rain crashing onto a galvanized roof... Mind-bending. It sounds like the end of the world. And then it stops, and you can hear more coming up the valley. Sounds like a train.) Where was I? I have no photos on my BRAND NEW IPAD yet, and we have been unplugged and Internet-free in a wonderful way. When we get back to civilization we will sort through the zillion photos and tell you a few stories. The Happiest of Christmases and a bright and joyous new year to all of my fabulous readers! I Hope that Santa has been generous, and that you DON'T eat 7,000 calories today, which I hear is the average, and that is just crazy... Save some leftovers for next week. Stuffing sandwiches, nomm nomm!

2011-12-12T20:47:00.000Z

Dear Peeps! I know you've missed me, despite the fat that no-one emailed and said "Ooooh, how we miss you!" all weeping and gnashing etc.

I have had a terribly hectic time, working all day and writing all night kinda thing (Boys: "Pizza again? Awesome! You should work all the time") but we are heading off to Trinidad and a couple of weeks of tropical bliss. Hold on, let me just stop a moment and listen to the December GALE that is blowing around my house for a minute...

Ahhh, December Gale, you go right ahead and blow.

You can pop over to Work Your Way for the continuing saga of Work Matters. I will be mostly unplugged and off the grid for a few weeks, but I'll check in from time to time. Have a great Christmas!

Things in Pockets

2011-11-25T20:42:00.001Z

Crunchy Kleeneseese (O November! O Runny Noses!)
Bus tickets. Because our fingers get cold when we ride bikes
Cashew nut packet
Socks
Gloves
A sort of torch light which, when switched on, makes a red eyeball on the wall. There was a lollipop attached to one end, a sort of sweet but terrifying Halloween thing
A 'pet' rock
Chalk
Lists! "Post Office. Bread. Invoices. Call npower and threaten to send plague of fleas."

I'ts FRIDAY! The weather man says ze wezzer weel conteenue zees fine. I will give you another picture of Trinidad, just because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want.

My old front porch, pic by Diana Joseph

'Sexypink' Heliconia

Okay, A FEW photos.

Double River Waterfall, Brasso Seco

"Try Switching it Off and Switching it Back On Again", And Other Pearls of IT Wisdom

2011-11-23T21:22:00.001Z

I'm working at a helpdesk these days, and loving it. It's long days, and a ton of stuff to muddle through (Temping: They throw you in at the deep end) but everyone there (and there are thousands there) is cheerful (except when they are yelling "I reported this THREE WEEKS AGO!" to the temp who started yesterday, but that's okay, they weren't to know) and friendly, and the dress is fairly casual which means COMFY SHOES!

Every morning, the boys look at me appraisingly, and say, "You're going to work like THAT?" Today I wore a skirt, kinda a bohemian look I'll admit, and Sam said, "Good grief, you look like you fell out of a tree." Even on the first day, which as every temp knows is 'Dress Smart and Suss Out the Threads' day, when I wore smart slacks and a jacket, they weren't entirely happy until I had tucked in my shirt. And then they sighed, "I don't suppose you have a belt?" I just snort at them and ignore.

Don't look outside...

I have posts up at Work Your Way, if you want to know what else I've been up to. Having lots to do is making the time pass so quickly, that I think our holidays will come, and we will be on a plane to sunny climes, before we know it! Yes, we are having a green Christmas. Everyone at work I've told that to says "Okay, shutup." So I won't carry on about it. Muahahahaa!

However, sitting in an ergonomically designed chair, answering the phone, gazing at an AMAZING huge computer screen from 8.30 to 5.00, snacking on flapjacks and McVites Cheddars... I just realized today that I will be wearing a bikini in exactly three weeks. So I got off the bus early, and walked a while. Then I packed myself a container of crunchable veggibles, and a bag of nuts. And I will not be having the huge subsidized lunch with all the sauce and cheese and things in the canteen tomorrow. Sigh!

A word about Cheddars: About two years ago, I had my first mini Cheddar. I was in a pub, and fished one out of a bowl, and crunched. Angels sang. I held one up. "What! What? What are theeese????" I cannot believe that I never knew about Cheddars before. And now I do. My world is a yummier place. So I may allow myself occasional Cheddars at work.

I think I will have to make peace with not being skinny in my bikini. I suspect that once I'm lolling on the sand, I won't care.

Nudists and Yogurt: My SEO Stats are Weird

2011-11-11T09:56:00.001Z

Yes, folks, most of the new visitors to this site are googling 'Nudists' and 'Yogurt'. With a sprinkling of 'Hangy Boobs'. NO ONE ever comes here looking for 'Great Books for Boys' or 'Where is That Missing Sock' or 'How Can I Get my Teen to Pee Straight', topics which I find totally gripping and which, you may agree, are the flesh and bones of this website.

Oh well. It's all pretty interesting.
(Edited: my world-famous creamy yogurt recipe is here! No cats were actually injured in the making of this recipe, I promise.)

Chas, you are a fantastic photographer. Thank you for this!

I recently bought my own domain name, which is very cool. I have been meaning to, being a Serious Parenting Writer and all, because this blog, which started out as a whim, has turned into quite a good platform for my writing, and even the reason I'm calling myself 'A Writer'. Although, of course, according to my stats, no-one has ever googled 'What I really need is an awesome Parenting Writer, quick!' and arrived at this website. So really, I should just not take it too seriously, right?

But then my friend Nancy, who IS a serious novelist, gave me a heads-up about a new book and website about things someone has found in their children's pockets. Very cute. (NO, I am not linking it here, duh.) (Her kid has way cuter things in their pockets than my kids, in case you were wondering. No crunchy kleeneseese or pet lizards there.) So before someone cleverly pinches my domain name and I have to send my cronies over, I thought I had better just get to it. So I signed up with GoDaddy.com. I'ts been easy, everything is the same as before with blogger's easy buttons in all the same places, except that my blog list mysteriously disappeared and I had do it over. I have no idea whose fault that was!

Interestingly, my kids (Hi Guys!) are still a hundred percent supportive of my embarrassing them on the internet. Chas disappeared into the darkness and spent hours writing with a light and a slow shutter to make me that 'Pockets' sign above as a new-domain-name present. I am blown away by the way Margo's old headboard, which is propped up behind the sofa, frames the word. Very cool photography and awesome design.

(In Demented Old Lady news: Margo is doing well, eating well, and has forgotten that she ever lived in Bournemouth. She misses her mum and wonders why she doesn't write. My mum is doing an amazing job of caring for her. I hope that when it's my turn, I can be as patient.)

And, as this post appears to be about advertising, I have also started a facebook page where I hope you will all become fans and tell your friends and friends' friends and ex-boyfriends and other friends who have been searching in vain for a speedy and grammatically obsessive writer with a terrible addiction to parentheses and TA DAAAA! I am it! Because the 'x' has fallen off my keyboard and it's annoying that I can't just buy myself a new keyboard. And YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE ANNOYED do you? Oh, and it's winter, so send chocolate and socks. That is all.

Read me a Story: Audiobooks are Awesome!

2011-11-10T15:05:00.001Z

When we used to drive for HOURS to school and back, we had dozens of Audiobooks on CDs and Tapes. It was amazing. We would sit in traffic and laugh at the antics of Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon, or listen in rapt attention to A Short History of Nearly Everything, an incredibly listen-able tale the important scientific bits we should all know. Chas learned his times tables by singing along on a cassette tape, we listened to Shakespeare's As You Like It over and over until we understood the weirdness of the language, and on the way home late in the evening, we were lulled with poetry, bedtime tales and classic stories.

Two years ago, we discovered Audible Audiobooks, and now we can choose and download a story in minutes. Many is the night I've heard Chas giggling, and when I look in he's got the headphones in. So I'm pointing you in their direction.

Here's a FREE TRIAL!
Some Bedtime Meditations for Kids:
The Prince's Bedtime:
And many more wonderful books for children and grownups!

Campaigning for Civilized Toilets Since 1998!

2011-11-08T14:23:00.002Z

Yes, folks, it's the latest battle in the War of the Toilets. Alas that I cannot install a urinal and a pin-locked girls' loo...

But I will not be defeated! Occasional battles may be lost, but victory will eventually be mine!!!! Or they will all move out. And I will probably miss them, and look back and sigh, "O how I miss complaining about stinky loos."

Or not.

I'm Rocking my Baby... And Babies Don't Keep!

2011-11-03T14:07:00.000Z

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, hacking out a few articles and a Rockstar Blog Post over at Work Your Way. And giggling at my sister! Ailis is visiting, and trying to be helpful. Ailis clears the dishes... and then baby Kate squeaks and off mummy goes to burp her and gaze adoringly at her. Ailis comes back, no doubt totally impressed that I managed to fold a pile of laundry, put in another load, and have a shower with such aplomb this morning while she was breastfeeding. She washes two plates, and then goes to gaze at Kate again. "I WILL wash the dishes," she announces, from the comfort of the living room where Kate is curled up on her chest, breathing with quick newborn breaths and smelling divine.

Really, the dishes can wait. They aren't going anywhere.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue (Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due (Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue? (Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

Travesty!

2011-11-01T22:27:00.001Z

My blog list is MISSING! I know I can find most of my favourite peeps again, never fear, but I have been too busy to go looking yet. So how about EVERYONE leave a comment, just to make life easy for me, k? This should be fun!

I recently went from blogspot.com to my OWN domain name, thingsivefoundinpockets.com, which is very cool and cheaper than I thought. Maybe that has caused the gadget to disappear? Ah well, in the grand scheme of things it's small stuff. And if you ONLY KNEW about the grand scheme things that have been happening here, you would be sending me chocolate and advice and warm fuzzy socks.

In fact, you should send me some anyway.

I did my grocery shopping: Riverford's Meat Box (usually we just get masses of veggies, and hardly ever eat meat), pot barley, double cream. I am craving stodgy food, and it's not even winter yet! The clocks went back a few days ago, and the dark evenings are (insert word here)

To counteract the stodge effect, I also bought amazing comfy new running shoes for effective pavement pounding. They are silver and purple and sparkly! My old shoes had holes in them, and my shins were hurting... the new shoes, happy shins! They were on sale too, asics. I love 'em.

We're plugging the TV in this week, for long dark evenings of nature documentaries and hopefully, good programming. and maybe some CSI. Wish us luck!

Things in London Pockets

2011-10-29T19:01:00.000+01:00

Acorns, Haycorns! Pretty leaves, crumbled to dust. Half a ham and cheese sandwich (eew?) Bottle Caps. Crunchy Tissues and Soggy Ones (eew? again).

I met with Mary in Richmond Park, and we brainstormed, networked and all those things that people with desk jobs have to do in stuffy offices. Mary is fabulous and full of great ideas and advice.

Our associates flew kites and hung upside down from branches. It was such a beautiful day. And a busy week!

Train Tickets, Cinema Tickets (Tintin fans, rejoice! Five Stars), Feathers, Nice Rocks, Gloves, Socks, Chocolate Wrappers.

I tried to put Kathryn in my pocket to bring her home, but her Mummy said no. Sigh! Is she not absolutely THE most adorable niece you have ever seen? Why yes, that IS a smile :)

What have you found in pockets?

Kitchen Disco!

2011-10-22T09:37:00.001+01:00

(Edited: This was meant to be posted on Saturday, but it got filed away as a draft instead and I only just noticed!)

Last night was Kitchen Disco night at Chez Nan, where we have friends over, eat, dance, drink and sing into the spatula. The food was up to the usual high standard, with Lena's stuffed pepper debut, but this week the Mummies didn't do much dancing, opting instead to collapse in a heap and plug the PS2 in for the kids. We were all exhausted. The kids were thrilled, and got square eyes playing video games instead of running in and out and falling out of the tree.

I temped this week, my first temp gig since I had Chas. Temping is a great way to work! The agency tests your skills and you get put in a file marked 'Awesome'. Then a company calls them up and says "OMG I need someone Awesome, QUICK! to sort out this thing." and your agency says "I have just the gal for you!"

So off you go to spend three days or three weeks or whatever doing something new and interesting, and you get paid, and then you say, "OK, I'm going to London next week so I won't be available," and they say "Cool, see you when you get back." And then you get another new and exciting job for a few days, or a few weeks.

My Sensible Shoes

Flexible, fun, and the money is good. It's a really great option for a budding writer who a) really needs to get away from her laptop and b) really needs the money. This week was great, though I was on my feet for 10 hours on Wednesday rushing hither and thither at a medical conference. I sat down for two short breaks. Whew! Temp Tip: Wear comfy shoes!

And in other News of Wonderfillity, I got PAID for my very first magazine article this week! It's in the second issue of Work Your Way Magazine, which is geared toward freelancing mums in the UK. It's a great new magazine, and I am really proud to be involved! I've written a "special feature on how mums are leading the way as ethical and social entrepreneurs and a fascinating report on female entrepreneurs in the Carribbean". Doesn't that sound great? I will link to issue 2 when it eventually goes online. I can't wait to get my own copy in the mail! For the next issue, I'm writing another fabulous feature. Stay tuned!

So yes, I have been busy.

And, did I mention we are off to London for a week of Cousin Awesomeness and Long Museum Days? Yay! What are you up to for the half-term holiday or just the weekend? And what have you achieved lately that you're proud of? Spill it, reader!

On Passing my Driving Test

2011-10-18T10:43:00.000+01:00

HALLELUJAH! This Trini driver has passed her UK driver's test. Which is no small feat, letmetellyou. I have been driving for more than half my life, of course, but here in the UK you can only drive on a foreign (or even international) license for one year. So I called the AA and a nice man came to teach me how to pass the fiendish test.

The Theory and Hazard Perception parts of the test were no problem. But here, hardly anyone seems to pass their practical test the first time. Over the weekend, I googled "How to Pass your Driving Test" and it was all doom and gloom, people who had failed seven times, moaning about how hard it was. I dreaded the whole thing. I really like my instructor, and learning to drop 20 years of bad habits has been good. Also, there are great tips you can pick up. But driving around with someone telling you what to do and commenting on every little thing is NERVEWRACKING. I had had enough.

The night before my test, I dreamed that I sped off with my driving examiner, and he said, "You are SUPPOSED to use the steering wheel."

I looked around as we careened down the street. "Oh my GOD! Where IS the steering wheel?!?!"

"Look, just pull over here," he snapped. I did, and he got out to make a phone call. And then he just wasn't there! So I got out to look for him, and when I turned back, the car was GONE. I had left the engine running and someone must have stolen it! And then I realised that I had no idea where I was, and had left my handbag in a locker back at the DSA. (For the Theory test, you have to put your bag in a locker.) I woke up completely traumatized and didn't sleep much for the rest of the night.

My test was at 8.10 a.m, the time of crowds of schoolkids, Mums crawling along looking for somewhere to park, harried businessmen, buses, dog walkers, bicycles. I didn't have to leave my handbag in a locker, which was a relief. And the steering wheel was definitely there. The very first thing my examiner asked me to do was pull over on the left, which I did. Then he asked me to turn the car round. Ha. We were in the skinniest street, with cars parked on both sides and a lamp post on my left. I did a million-point turn, forgetting that you should always pull up the handbrake when you are changing from reverse to forward and vice versa (did you know that one? It's sensible. Gives you a chance to look round and not accidentally mash the accelerator instead of brake. I like this rule) and so I got a little flustered. Yes, I got totally confused turning a car around. Once I was facing the other way, I took a deep breath, and figured I was well on the way to failing and would chalk it up to experience. We drove around a bit, avoiding cyclists and kids and buses and such, and then we went back to the DSA, and he told me I had passed.

Well blow me down!

Things In Pockets

2011-10-14T10:54:00.000+01:00

Lots of Conkers! We just can't seem to walk past a beautiful shiny conker. What should we do with them all?
Nuts
Money
Socks, which drives me mad
Train Tickets
Freshly Laundered Lists
Receipts
Rubber Bands and Paperclips, in a sort of deadly array
Blu-Tac
Grey Plastic Army Men
Green Plastic Medieval Men

Happy Friday everyone! What interesting things have you found in pockets this week?

Restored

2011-10-12T11:27:00.000+01:00

Photo Credit: Sam

It was one of those weekends of complete perfection. On the way there, we crowded into a train carriage, squashing a nice-looking lady and her book. A while later, she leaned over: "How lovely to travel with such well-behaved children. So polite!" I whispered back, "Usually!" and we laughed. But it made me look twice at them. It's easy to notice when your children are being terrors. But when they are sweetly crammed into a crowded train carriage, chatting nicely with strangers, reading, gazing out at the scenery, snacking; a parent can gratefully switch off and read her own book in peace.

Photo Credit: Chas

We arrived in Honiton, where Debs picked us up at the station and drove us 20 minutes to Twistgates Farm. There, Debs and Lisa and I played scrabble and talked and laughed all weekend while the boys ran wild. The weather was just becoming Autumn-y, all the leaves turning at once to be blown away. The boys were exhilarated by it, and wanted to be outdoors barefoot at all hours, stargazing until late, wandering far and wide. They climbed trees, and entertained Lisa's toddler. Chas and Sam experimented with my camera and took some great photos. They came in from time to time, smelling of sweet leaves and putting their icy hands between my warm layers to warm them up.

Chas read 'Of Mice and Men'. Sam read Terry Pratchett's 'Witches Abroad'. Max is reading 'Skulduggery Pleasant: The Faceless Ones' (It's book three in the terrifying saga of a dead detective and his young sidekick). I am reading 'The Glass Castle' by Jeannette Walls, and it's fabulous. Amazon and Blogger aren't speaking to one another at the moment, and no amount of tweaking seems to make those nice Amazon widgets work any more. Alas! But I will still share books here, when I remember to.

Photo Credit: Chas

On the long journey home, the boys and I chatted and enjoyed one another's company. I thanked them for being so kind to Lisa's toddler, and told them how nice it is that we have so much fun together. When our taxi dropped us home from the station, the driver commented, "Wow, they just hopped out and unloaded all of the bags without being told. That's good to see."

It was good to hear, too. If you ever catch someone's child in a random act of kindness or good behaviour, do mention it! Sometimes we need to be reminded. And it's nice for the kids too!

Unplugged Weekend

2011-10-07T09:27:00.000+01:00

Like this, only much rainier

We're heading to Devon for a weekend of playing Scrabble, reading, walks (in the rain, by the looks of it) and naps. Best of all, it's with the best kind of people.

How to Finish Writing That Article

2011-10-05T11:37:00.000+01:00

Remind self that it's for a kids' science magazine
Delete long words
Delete, Delete, Delete
Make cup of tea
See what's up on facebook
Text friend
Head to school and search lost and found for Max's jacket lining
Re-read
Pour olive oil in hair for supreme deep conditioning, HUZZAH!
Decide not to go for walk smelling like salade du chef
Rewrite
Delete
Email department store re: purchasing new lining for Max instead of whole damn winter coat
Reread
Nother cup of tea? Don't mind if I do
Rewrite
See if anything exciting has happened on facebook since nine o'clock
It hasn't
But article seems to be shaping up, all by itself. Weird, that!

See? Sometimes a little procrastination can go a long way. Writing for ten-year-olds is NOT like writing for grownups, and wandering round the primary school looking in the lost and found bins of EVERY SINGLE CLASS was actually quite inspiring. Think like a child! Olive oil head massage I totally recommend as well, because, wow. Now, if I can finish this article today, I can get a sticker.

Why Teenagers Act Like Toddlers

2011-10-03T16:22:00.000+01:00

Parenting Tip of the Day!

Poor adolescents. I was one myself once, with all the moping and lack of self confidence that goes with it, and it was not a pretty sight. My own kids aren't too bad... yet... usually... But even they have been known to reach astounding heights of toy-throwing and brother-cuffing to rival the worst toddler. It can be baffling to parents when their child goes through this, but new advances in neuroscience are giving us a peek into the adolescent brain. Science may explain our teenagers’ apparent unreasonableness and babyish behaviour.

This is your Brain on Teenage-ness

Babies' brains undergo a critical few years of development. Many neuron pathways become fixed by age seven and this is what makes us, as parents, so conscious of what our kids are exposed to during that important developmental time. We have known for generations that the early years have a profound and permanent impact on our children’s nervous system and well-being.

But new studies show that far from being set in stone, as it were, during adolescence the brain is still malleable and even undergoes some intense reorganization. And this reorganization means that teens' needs may occasionally be childish. If your toddler had an after-school meltdown, you would immediately think ‘Tired? Hungry? Overwhelmed?’ and you would give them a snack and a quiet moment. Perhaps a cuddle and a story. You would make sure they had an early night. We seldom react to teenage stomping and door-slamming in this way, do we? We expect them to calm down, grow up, be sensible, tell us what on Earth is wrong, for heaven’s sake. We get angry and shout “You are acting like a toddler!”

Aha! Acting like a toddler...

The adolescent years are so similar to babyhood: Ridiculous growth spurts, where his arm is suddenly an inch longer and he knocks things over. Discovering new things about her own body. Being absolutely starving at inconvenient moments. Having a meltdown over a sock. The need for more hours of sleep than he would like. Discovering a self. Being afraid of the unknown. Being deeply affected by a TV show. Bursting into tears and insisting she can do it herself... Parents can actually help a teen to grow to adulthood by allowing them to regress at moments like these. If your teen will still accept a hug and a cup of cocoa and a quiet chat about something very simple, "Have you noticed how that tree is losing its leaves already? We should get some bird seed this week," then that's all you have to do.

One of the wonderful things about this revisiting of babyhood is that the hormonal soup of teenage brain can bring up, repair and discard useless or faulty issues. If your teen repeatedly insists that you are not listening, for example, then in their childlike brain they believe this to be true. And the best way to 'fix' this is to listen. And listen. When they walk out, follow. When they shut the door, post a note under it which says, "I love you, help me learn to listen to you." When they shut up to PROVE that you are not listening, as in "I am not talking, therefore you are not listening," listen to their silence. It honestly doesn't matter what exactly they are talking about, the point is they believe you don't listen. You have a valuable opportunity to fix it. Teens will test theories again and again, just like toddlers: Testing the rules, testing the limits of our patience. It's up to us to be consistent and caring, just as if they were toddlers. "We STILL don't chew with our mouth open at this table, thank you."

In some ancient societies, adolescents were shut up in a cave or hut until they learned to act like a grownup, and had a grand re-birthing ceremony where they were welcomed back into society. I know that many of us feel those parents may have been on to something. It's hard not to take it personally when your teenager's life is COMPLETELY RUINED FOREVER and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. Thinking in terms of their childish needs can make tantrums easier to bear. So, the next time your teen behaves like a baby, don't try to reason with them. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that it's just Toddler Brain.

What I've Been Up To...

2011-09-20T13:58:00.000+01:00

Introducing my niece, Kathryn Clare. Perfect in every way! Mum and baby are doing fine.

Parenting Tip of the Day: Long Distance Love and Online Gaming with Dad

2011-09-11T17:22:00.000+01:00

When one parent is away for long periods of time, the remaining parent can feel as as though they are ALL ALONE, the one thing that stands between the tiny terrors and total apocalypse. As the kids grow up, other factors come into play, like teen independence and boys looking around for their pack leader.

Ideally, the pack leader of a herd of boys would be Dad, who knows everything and smells right and has the proper DEEP VOICE for giving orders. With Dad away, the pack begins to compete for the position of Alpha Person, which can make things interesting.

Luckily, we have the internet! Dad can appear at the press of a button in all his deep-voiced glory and sort things out. At times, Dad can even sort out crises which Mum was completely unaware of, such as boys going online to purchase air pistols. And this is not just a random example I've made up. Within minutes, free mobile messages have passed between Mum and Dad over thousands of miles along the lines of "WHAT? He did WHAT? You mean it's not a toy??"

The problem with raising intelligent, self-confident, inventive boys who think for themselves is that they frequently come up with great ideas for, say, making a film at home. They need realistic-looking firearms for the death scene. They hack their way round the computer's parental control security, and claim that they had no intention of getting ammo or actually shooting one another in the eye, really, cuz they were only going to use the gun as a prop. And you, the mean and dictatorial parent, has ruined everything because now they will have to use a water pistol for the death scene, oh woe and lament!

To which the loving parent says, "You are so busted, Mister."

There are many ways for a long distance parent to keep in touch with boys, but the best one, particularly for Dads, must be in playing online games together. Tribal Wars and Dark Orbit and others are great games where it helps to have a few friends in the same team. Members help one another out, chat in game time and can talk via Skype while they play. The conversation can be a little baffling to an outsider: "Oh crap, send 1400 axemen! 2-8 home base is crawling with VRU. Yeah, he's a noob."

I just asked Sam for an explanation, he spoke intelligently on the topic for some time and I understood absolutely nothing. I am asking him for a help paragraph:

Basic Idea (Dark Orbit)=
3 Companies (VRU, MMO, EIC)
They don't like each other.
The star system contains lots of different maps. 1-x is MMO territory, 2-x is EIC and 3-x is VRU. 4-x is battle maps, and 5-x is pirate maps full of NPCs (Non player Characters).
Average day for an experienced player:
Start off in 2-8 or 2-1 (home bases for EIC). Imagine at this point in time your ship has been destroyed in the lower maps, which means you are in 2-1. Travel left and down after "repping" , or to you non-believers "repairing"... then you reach the portal and press J.
Jumping through the portal brings you to map 2-2. continue down and do the same so you are in 2-4. Down and left would take you to 2-3. Once in 2-4 you fly down once more, killing anyone who attempts to intercept you on the way. THIS IS A HUNTING GROUND. Be careful and look out for red dots on the map near you, which may be cloaked enemies. If any attack you which are bigger than you, run like hell towards the nearest jump portal and press J very very fast. HOPEFULLY, you will escape. Anyway, if you aren't intercepted on the way down from the top left of 2-4, you should reach a portal to 3-3. VRU territory in there. Buy a cloaking device or just jump in. Head for the middle of the map so long as the portal isn't too heavily guarded. Then kill anyone who's there. If they're small. If the exit from 3-3's portal is too heavily guarded, then go to one of the battle maps by coming out of 3-3 and back to 2-4. Then head for the bottom middle portal. Be careful because once you jump in there's no jumping out if somebody attacks you. If you unfortunate to have campers* at your portal await A: Rescue (Unlikely as they will kill you within 5 seconds) or B: Death. If there are no portal campers, then, lucky you! Move out. You are in 4-2, EIC's battle map. Head for the portal in the middle and jump. There may be campers here as well, but less likely and if so in smaller numbers. And smaller ships. With smaller lasers. If there are, kill or die. If there aren't any, head for the top portal which will take you from a hunting ground (4-4*) to safety (2-5). Head for the top left portal which will take you to 2-6, then top right which will take you to 2-8 (Upper maps base). Hopefully you will have got away with a couple of kills.

*4-4 is the main battle map. Sometimes a game called space ball is held here in which a ball is in the middle of the map. The battle map is crowded with players from different companies trying to shoot the ball. EIC often win this by getting the whole company to go there, wipe out all the enemies and then some shoot the ball while others guard the portals. If your team is doing the most damage to the ball then it will move towards your portal. When it reaches your portal you get a point.

Well! Thank you for that Sam, I am sure that clears everything up. Now, you can see why having a Dad who's on your team would be really helpful? Good.

My point is, when families play games together they communicate. Even if all you can get out of your teen is the occasional grunt, you can be sure he's talkative with his game buddies. And the lovely thing about communication is, it doesn't matter WHAT you talk about. In fact, chatting with your teen about what is important to them (i.e. total universe domination and the annihilation of noobs) will earn you more points than explaining why deodorant is so very important.

The internet is a strange place, peopled by weirdos, kids, mums and dads, responsible citizens, psychotic maniacs and nerds. I'm glad to know that my boys' dad is out there, watching out for them as well as he can. Of course, online games are not all the same. Some are definitely 'Adult' in an unsuitable way. And some can be too time-consuming for anyone who has other things to do. Keep looking over your child's shoulder, and keep listening.

My Brother Cracks Me Up

2011-09-10T08:02:00.000+01:00

I'd tell him so myself, but I'd have to get my people to talk to his people...

http://www.jtography.com/jtography/jtography/Entries/2011/9/8_Desktop_Distractions.html

See you at Christmas, bro!

Heeeelllllp!!

2011-09-04T15:57:00.001+01:00

Max goes back to school tomorrow. I thought Chas and Sam did too, but nooooo, I checked the school calendar online and they're off until Wednesday. Now, I do adore them, and the holiday has been fabulous, but we're ALL looking forward to school now.

Then Sam stood in the centre of the kitchen and recited the QWERTY keyboard (punctuation marks included) for no reason. How useful to have a child with a photographic memory. Chas is building some sort of new and improved catapult. Sam decided to add a plastic bag full of water to the mix and naturally, filled it in the kitchen so that he would have to walk through the house with it to get outside. Then he got distracted and forgot what he meant to do and sort of wandered around with the leaking bag of water.

Then they decided to see if they could eat choc ices while jumping on the trampoline.

Now Max is wandering round going, "I'm hungry, but not really. I'm bored. But I don't want anything to do."

Sums up the last days of the Summer Holidays, eh?