Things My Daughter Does

Trying to One-up

2012-03-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

Grandpa and daughter were rough-housing around.
(Daughter): Grandpa I'm going to get you!
(Grandpa): If you do, I'll pop your head like a pimple!
(Daughter): No you won't! I'll pop your head like a bunch of nipples!

Pathetically Awesome Misunderstanding

2011-11-28T08:31:00.001-08:00

We are driving home from lunch, and my son and daughter are singing songs in the back seat.

(Daughter - in the most pathetic voice she could muster): Bubby, don't break my heart, okay?
(Bubby): I wont!
(Daddy): What are you guys talking about?
(Daughter): I don't want him to break my heart!

My son finally showed me the soft stick-em paper heart that he was playing with. She didn't want him to mess it up.

Boy Stuff

2011-11-22T14:35:00.001-08:00

Editorial, not a dialog: Ever since she was an incy-wincy little girl, she has always been a tom-boy. Here are some pleasant examples:

Consistently wants a 'boy-toy' from McDonald's
Argues with me about what to call her when she is pretending to be a fictional character
She will not ever accept a female hero for her pretend identity, it must be a boy

Example: Must be Buzz Lightyear, never Jessie; Must be Harry Potter, never Hermione

Always chooses 'boy-colors' - Says things like, 'When I turn into a boy.' and 'When I grow up to be a boy.'
Will only play with the boy barbies doing 'boy-things'

Toy Story Girl

2011-11-02T17:20:00.001-07:00

(Daughter) Daddy, I'm Buzz Lightyear!
(Daddy) Oh but you're a girl.
(Daughter) Oh, then call me Buzz Bo-Light-Year!

A Couple Letters Off

2011-11-02T17:17:00.001-07:00

(Daughter) Can I have a throw-up?
(Daddy) A What?
(Daughter) A Throw-Up! You know. It's red and you eat it?
(Daddy) Oh, a Fruit Roll-up!

Conversation About Star Wars

2011-10-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

Information That Would Have Been Useful...

2011-09-01T14:50:00.001-07:00

Daughter: My tummy hurts really bad!
Mommy: What's the matter? Do you feel like you're going to get sick?
Daughter: No, I think it's the marble I ate.
Mommy: +Calls Doctor+
Doctor: Take her to the E.R.
+X-Rays show no sign of a marble+
Mommy: They said they didn't find a marble, when did you swallow it?
Daughter: Tonight.
Mommy: I don't understand. Who was watching you when you ate it?
Daughter: Grandma.
Mommy: You haven't been to Grandma's in over a month! Does your tummy even still hurt?
Daughter: Nope!

I Just Want to Win...

2011-08-06T08:01:00.001-07:00

Daddy: Who wants a moped ride?
Both Kids: I do!
Daddy: Okay, I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 20.
Daughter: All numbers!
Daddy: No baby you have to pick one.
Daughter: Which one?
Daddy: Any number between 1 and 20. As in, 1, 2... 19, 20.
Daughter: No Dad, which number will make me win!

Ninja Attribution

2011-07-12T08:10:00.000-07:00

Setting: Sitting down for breakfast.
Daughter: Daddy, you're not a ninja.
Daddy: Alright!
Daughter: Daddy, I'm sorry, but I'm not a ninja either.
Daddy: Oh! Why not?
Daughter: Well, ninjas need to be able to do flip fronts and flip backs. And you can't do either of those.
Daddy: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Daughter: I only know one real ninja.
Daddy: Oh yeah? Who is that?
Daughter: ...me...

The Beast Movie pt2

2011-06-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

Scene Setter: Read this first!
We're watching the horrible 3rd sequel to Free Willy. It features a pirate amusement park.

Daughter: I like it when that guy gets in the pirate ship!
Daddy: Yeah that's funny, isn't it.
Daughter stops smiling turns to me:
Daughter: I said pirate ship...not Holy Sh#t. Pirate ShiP. Pirate SHIP! Not Holy Sh##.
Daddy: Ok honey. No need to clarify that.
Daughter: I just want you to know I'm not saying the bad word.
Daddy: Mission accomplished.

Cute Stuff

2011-06-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Daughter: Dad, do snakes move faster, or turtles?
Daddy: um...snakes move faster.
Daughter: Oh, do snakes move faster than Cracker-diles?
Daddy: what's a crackerdile?

On a Ninja Kick pt 2

2011-02-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

After hurting herself two times by trying to flip around the living room:
Daddy: Look, you can't be a ninja if you keep hurting yourself all the time.
Daughter: Look I can do a flip back (back flip for those of you who don't talk Sophia)
Daddy: I don't want you to hurt....
Daughter: OWWWWE (painful groan resulting after she bangs her hips into the coffee table)
Daddy: I'm sorry, but you are going to bed now. I told you not to be acting like a ninja any more!
Daughter: BUT I WANT TO BE A NINJA! I can't play Black Cops (Call of Duty: Black Opts) now?

On a Ninja Kick recently

2011-02-23T14:06:00.001-08:00

Daughter: When I get to grandma's house, can I show her my ninja skills?

Somebody is growing up!

2011-02-23T14:04:00.001-08:00

Daughter: Mom! Ken doesn't need his shirt on, he looks very pretty without his shirt!

Little Early?

2011-01-30T19:40:00.001-08:00

Daughter: Daddy? Can we start my driving lessons?

He-Man?

2011-01-14T16:19:00.001-08:00

Daughter: I want to watch my favorite show!

Mommy: What show is that?

Daughter: ya know. The one that says "By the power of grey balls!"

JT on the Radio

2010-12-17T08:49:00.001-08:00

Daughter: Is this Percy Jackson singing this song?

Daddy: no honey.

Daughter: Is it Micheal Jackson?

Daddy: How do you know the name Micheal Jackson?

Daughter: He sings the song with the monsters dancing. And Percy Jackson kills monsters.

3 Hour Trip

2010-12-17T08:47:00.000-08:00

1)
Daughter: DADDY!
Daddy: Yes?
Daughter: Can we play 'Rocker, Paper, Snissors?'

2)
Daughter: DADDY!
Daddy: Yes?
Daughter: IT SMELLSA STINKY IN HERE!
Daddy: Yes it does!
Daughter: I farted...hehehe

Grandparents Day

2010-11-22T13:05:00.000-08:00

Grandma: What do you want for breakfast?
Daughter: Cereal.
* Cereal is prepared and delivered.
Daughter: I want eggs.
Grandma: Sorry, but you need to finish your cereal first, because that is what you asked for.
*Turns dramatically to grandpa
Daughter: We have a awkward problem Grandpa.

4 AM Randomness

2010-11-16T10:19:00.000-08:00

* 4 AM

Daughter: Daddy, Daddy, DADDY!

Daddy: Yes! What's Wrong?!

Daughter: I'm not wearing any pants!

Daddy: ...ok...? Why not?

Daughter: I don't know!

Daddy: Did you pee your bed?

Daughter: No, I have to pee right now!

Daddy: Then go pee, get some pants on, and go to bed.

* I hear the bathroom door open. Then a toilet flushes. Then nothing for a min. Then I hear foot steps in the hallway. I looked up and she's standing in the doorway with the bathroom light at her back, staring at the living room.
Daddy: Boo, everything ok?
Daughter: Yep.

Moon Cuteness

2010-11-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

*Driving down the road at night
Daughter: DADDY! The moon is following us!
Daddy: Yeah, that's what it looks like right?!
Daughter: I never touched the moon. Will I ever touch the Moon?
Daddy: I'm not sure baby! Maybe someday.
Daughter: Is the moon a boy or a girl.
Daddy: It's a rock.
Daughter: Oh. So is it a boy rock or a girl rock.
Daddy: It's just a rock honey.
Daughter: It drives fast like you daddy, cause it's still following us.
Daddy: Well it just looks like it's following us, because it's so far away.
Daughter: What kind of car does the moon drive?
Daddy: ...

This how all little girls are?

2010-11-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

Daughter: Lets Fight!

*Runs away and comes back with two swords

Daddy: Ok...

*Massive sword fight ensues

Daughter: (*Pouty Lipped) Daddy...I want to kill you....Let me kill you...

Alice is where?

2010-11-03T15:15:00.001-07:00

Daddy: What do you want to watch on Netflix?
Daughter: I don't know.
Daddy: Oh I see Alice in Wonderland is on the instant stream now!
Daughter: Yeah, I want to watch Alice in Underwear.

Daddy Daughter Date

2010-11-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

Daddy: Yay, Boo, we are here for our daddy daughter date!
Daughter: No. Not Bread Company.
Daddy: Why not.
Daughter: They don't have daughters there.
Daddy: What?
Daughter: Listen to what I am saying! We not go to St. Louis Bread Company - they don't have daughters there!
Daddy: Whatcha talking about?
Daughter: OHHHHH (angrily). They don't have donuts there.
Daddy: So no donuts means that we can't have a daddy daughter date?
Daughter: Are you listening to me or what?

Frogs do what?

2010-10-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

Scene: Daddy and daughter, driving back home. We were not talking about frogs.
Daughter: Daddy? Do frogs bite?
Daddy: No honey.
Daughter: We frogs do come in to the bathroom while I pee.
Daughter: And they pee on me.
Daughter: And the pee gets on my face.
Daughter: And it goes in my nose.
Daughter: And then it turns me into a boy.
Daughter: And then I'll get really old.
Daddy: umm...
Daughter: Is that crazy?
Daddy: ummm....