Might Not Be True

"Cleveland Rocks"

2012-01-27T18:20:00.000-06:00

We've all seen it: Drew Carey Show We know it: "I'll move to Cleveland, the day you get that IKEA." http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2380267545/ 30 Rock I'm pretty sure that the 2000s got it right. The 90s are out, Carey. Cleveland does not rock. We're with you Lemon.

dear bike riding.

2012-01-27T01:04:00.000-06:00

you are a formidable way to get exercise without paying a gym membership fee. however. you are not free. nay. you cost my body both time and money. the chiropractor wasn't working out. $250 down the drain. the very cost of a bicycle, upwards of a hundo. a bike light. stolen. or lost. whichever. doesn't matter. fifteen bones cast to the wind. while you're still the best mode of transport this

dear nora

2012-01-26T11:13:00.000-06:00

My best friend Nora Ephron and I have spent the better part of a week together. It's always fun when a friend arrives from out of town to visit. But I do feel awful that I've been so busy with work and shows. And, yes, of course she understands. What sort of bestie wouldn't? But, what sort of bestie would I be if I didn't feel bad? I read her book, "I Remember Nothing," and I laughed a lot. But

hiatus

2011-07-22T13:14:00.002-05:00

also. sorry for the hiatus. this is directed mostly at my friend rebecca and brother kevin who keep bugging me to write.

If you're 5 feet or below, you're a midget.

2011-07-22T12:50:00.001-05:00

This doesn't even make sense, guys. I mean, sure. You're short. Sure, you're petite. — But are you disproportionate? If the answer is no, then you're not a legal midget. I might also add that midget is actually a perjorative term, so maybe say something else. Acceptable terms include: little person and dwarf. I know, I'm a little surprised too. Those seem worse. According to Wikipedia, a

Inspiration is Creation

2011-03-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

Quite the tight rope to walk. But, alas, we walk it. Inspiration is what needs to be defined here. Inspiration has the potential to come from even the smallest molecule of energy, thought, or theory. It doesn't have to be one kick in the bum. It's the act of creation that should be inspiration to others that they too must be creators. If you're not creating anything, then you're just taking

Some people are simply destined for greatness.

2011-02-14T17:31:00.000-06:00

--Reading Christopher Buckley's "Losing Mum and Pup," and realizing this sentence is irrefutably true. One thing is for sure, however, if you live your life in a way that suspends the thought of failure, notice will be taken. For the same reasons people love shows like Mad Men, charm and grace are superior to skill, though surely it's clear that it helps immeasurably. It's more often than not

"It's nothing personal."

2011-02-02T11:52:00.000-06:00

It's always something personal. Let's think about this: you're dealing with people. The word "person" resides in the phrase "It's nothing personal." Boom goes the dynamite. Am I right?

"Better Late than Never"

2011-01-20T01:32:00.000-06:00

So, I haven't posted in a while — This Fact or Fiction seemed to fit pretty well, if I say so myself. Seriously though, it's always better to have something over nothing. And, showing up late versus not showing up at all shows you care, even if it's just a little. Turning in work late, sure not the best thing, but the act of doing it at some point, is better than not at all. And, sure, certain

A Clean House is a Happy House

2010-12-15T18:41:00.000-06:00

I had a day off work last week. I cleaned a toilet. I tidied my bedroom. I dusted. A lot. And, it is immaculate. Indeed, a dirty house is not just unhappy, it's unenjoyable.

"It is the beautiful bird which gets caged."

2010-12-08T11:50:00.002-06:00

Here’s my once in a blue moon gander into the political spectrum. I read recently that China is peeved at the Nobel Peace Prize Committee for awarding a Chinese dissident with this year’s coveted award. (And a few other nations seem to be up in arms as well, among those who are not attending include Russia, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Pakistan, and Iraq.) Artist and human rights advocate Liu Xiaobo

"Home is where the heart is — "

2010-12-03T13:49:00.000-06:00

— unless your whole family ditches you at important holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. At that point there might still be a heart, it's just cold and lifeless.

"Children act exactly like little drunk people."

2010-12-02T17:15:00.000-06:00

I saw this as a friend's Facebook status one day, and the reality of this thought struck me like an abusive boyfriend. That's all that can be said to justify this observation. The Landlord from Will Ferrell

"Those who can't 'do,' teach."

2010-11-30T19:02:00.002-06:00

Lies. Lies and the lying liars that proliferate these lies have got to hit the road. This might be true when it comes to gym teachers who didn't make it onto American Gladiators, but for everything else, it's just malarkey. I often have found that the best performers (regardless of their crafts) make the best teachers. Honestly, I wouldn't and don't trust a teacher who hasn't ever gone out for

"[I/You] never kiss and tell."

2010-11-26T19:50:00.000-06:00

You ever heard of marriage? Well. I have. And, let me tell you a little something about it — it's the ultimate when it comes to kissing and telling. Many of my dearest friends have taken the trip down that two-person lane, and every time it happens I get a little happier about the world. It's pretty neat, no? Just the mere idea that commitment can run that deeply. Now, don't jump the gun here,

The phrase: "I feel like" means the same as "I think."

2010-11-18T01:19:00.000-06:00

I'm just as guilty as the next fool, but this does not actually make sense. You can feel like eating a sandwich. You can feel like crap. But, you can't equate feeling something for thinking something. Excuse me, but when I put my little feelers out into the world to generate information/lies/untruths/etc., they've brought back this notion of ridiculousness attached to crazy. That ridiculousity

Those Who Bicycle Are Better Drivers Than Those Who Do Not

2010-11-10T21:29:00.000-06:00

This almost warrants no explanation. I shall be brief. Bicyclists (and throw in walkers, while we're at it), know their surroundings more so than their four-wheeled friends. You find the ins and outs of a city or town based on taking back roads, finding where things wind up and around, and basically you learn about how terrible drivers can be. That's not to say that bicyclists do not have their

"No News is Good News"

2010-11-09T16:24:00.002-06:00

Speaking from the stance of a Journalism & Mass Communication BA holder, I think it's my social obligation to put the rumors to rest. This isn't true even if you're a parent who "doesn't wanna know." And here's why: 1. Just because you haven't found out doesn't mean it didn't happen. 2. If you didn't hear anything that's bad or good,that just means your kid isn't doing anything special worthy of

"The grass is always greener on the other side."

2010-11-08T17:36:00.000-06:00

Either this means life sucks period — or whoever coined it was both perpetually discontent and unable to see that they had it pretty damn good. Bumzies, regardless. See, lately I've been feeling old, even though I'm really not that old. And, as I continue on living, it's come to mind that I'm actually probably one of the happiest people I know. On the whole, I've got this in the bag. I have my

"Time is of the essence."

2010-11-08T00:52:00.003-06:00

So. I had to look up what this phrase actually means. I had a general idea, but for clarification's sake (the best kind of sake), here we are: time is of the essence n. a phrase often used in contracts, which, in effect says: the specified time and dates in this agreement are vital and thus, mandatory, and "we mean it." Therefore, any delay, reasonable or not, slight or not, will be grounds

"If you expect to soar with the eagles during the day, you can't hoot with the owls at night."

2010-10-23T14:11:00.002-05:00

If vacations attest for anything it's this: You can 100 percent both soar and hoot. I'm all about it. For the last four days I've made it a point to suck it up, neglect my body's desire for sleep, and soak in the wonder that is hanging with my siblings and friends in Los Angeles. And sure, vacations are great for resting and relaxing, but conversation over libations in new places is a win if

All Airlines are the Same

2010-10-21T20:30:00.000-05:00

I'm a Southwest girl. There. I've said it. My allegiance lies solely with that blue, gold, and red emblem. There are serious failings on the part of every other airline in the world when compared to the perfection that is SW. This thought was so deep and profound to me as I boarded flight 123 United yesterday that I stopped in my tracks, pulled out my copy of Atlas Shrugged and wrote: "MNBT:

"I'm Blank-ing my head off"

2010-10-19T19:43:00.000-05:00

Last I checked there have been very few people who have been decapitated due to any of the following: laughing dancing screwing etc. The closest epithet to reality might possibly be: "Dancing my ass off," depending on how fast and long one is dancing for.

"You wear your heart on your sleeve"

2010-10-18T00:28:00.000-05:00

Picture this: Blood rolling down the sides of a hand; it drips down splashing delicately onto the top of a foot; a heart pumps to the beat of a metronome. The cuff of your shirt sleeve is dyed a deep pinot noir. The room is silent, save for the pulsating beat of that metronome and the slow drip-drip-drip crashing to the floor. It's the sort of silence that causes you to hear everything. With each

"A Leopard Cannot Change Its Spots."

2010-10-16T02:45:00.000-05:00

True. But, wouldn't it be cool to see it try? I feel that way about most things. Honestly. I can say with certainty that most people don't change their ways regardless of intention; so what could make something as specific and innate as leopard spots possibly give way to stripes? The answer: Nothing. The best part, however, of a saying such as this, is that desire to see a leopard try to