Things to be said

How to Win the Lottery

2012-01-16T17:53:00.000-05:00

I've decided to help everyone and explain how to win the lottery

There is a few different ways.
Please use whichever you see fit.

Living on a Prayer
1. Buy Ticket
2. Pray everyday along with some promises, you know, build a church or place of worship, feed the hunger, shelter the homeless. Something that would be constructive.
3. Continue to pray
4. Wait for draw
5. Win lottery!
Note: If step 5 does not work, repeat the process until you realize that you have actually spent a ton of money on lottery tickets and stop buying them all together

Running with the Devil
1. Buy Ticket
2. Trade something with devil for lottery winnings. Normally there is some kind of contract to sign with Satan and you lose your soul for all eternity.
3. Wait for draw
4. Win lottery!
Note: If you don't believe in Satan, start believing then start at step 1.

The Power of Love
1. Find someone who just won the lottery
2. Marry them
Note: No purchase required, see in store for details

Another one bites the Dust
1. Buy ticket
2. Find everyone else who also bought a ticket for the same draw.
3. Make them all disappear
4. Keep their tickets
5. Wait for draw
6. Win Lottery!
Note: this one requires IMMEDIATE disappearance to some unknown island in order for you enjoy your winnings.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for
1. Wait for draw to be announced
2. Run to convenience store.
3. Pick up one of the sheets you use to fill out your picks
4. Scratch in the winning numbers
5. Get to the office before the person with the winning ticket
6. Try to convince them to give you the money because to couldn't find your ticket but you kept your pick card
7. Ensure that no one actually shows up for the winnings
Note: Success rate is extremely low, but always worth a shot. Try to hire an older actor or family member for half the winnings to actually execute the plan. You play caregiver to the elderly and insist the ticket was played

Please note, I have never tried any of these. I'm just assuming they will work
Also, I do realize all of the titles I have choosen are song titles and yes all are from the 80's except for Running with the Devil (1978)
I don't know what other obvious stuff I should point out. You try some.

Pedestrians

2012-01-10T18:43:00.002-05:00

For those who walk to work, or a combination of walk and bus or walk and subway or any kind of combination that includes walking other than driving, or walk anywhere, this entry to directed directly at you.

Today, I was victim to situations where 1, I almost hit the group of geniuses and 2, where I wanted to hit the slug crossing the street.

Situation 1

I'm approaching a red light and I begin to slow down so I can time it where I arrive at the line the moment the light turns green so I don't have to come to a complete stop and I can just fly right away. It's a standard thing everyone does it. The moment the perpendicular lights turn red, you know you have exactly 3 seconds before your light turns green...with the exception of advances of course.

I see the opposite light turn red so I start to speed up to get my jump on the light. Out of nowhere, 3 losers jump into the middle of the street and start to sprint across the road.

I slam on my breaks as hard as I could and barely stop right in front of them. Just dumb idiots

After that, some vulgar words were said out my window and off I went.

Situation 2

I'm waiting at the light to make a right hand turn and I have the red light. I am anxiously awaiting the slight window to jump in. That's one benefit of a having a small Jeep as opposed to my previous vehicle, a Sierra pick-up. I see my window and just as I'm about to go I see the smartest person on the face of the Earth standing in front of my Jeep, texting. Yes, TEXTING. She had stopped to finish her text message before finishing to cross the street.

To top it off, this Rhodes Scholar has her headphones on. So even though I'm leaning on my horn with all my might, she doesn't even hear it!

Finally, she looks up, realized what she did, took her headphones off, put her phone away and finished to cross the street. At this point, my window to make my right turn had closed and there was no way for me to get back in, until the light had switched to green.

Like any normal human, I rolled down my passenger window, and said the most vulgar thing I could think of.

All I am asking from you pedestrians is, wake the fuck up when your crossing the street. Use your fucking head, you losers.

Please note: In my eyes, any elderly, ill and disabled are free to move at their own pace.

T-Pain Mic Review

2012-01-07T19:42:00.000-05:00

This year for Christmas I was lucky enough to get the wonderful T-Pain mic from my sister.

As I'm sitting here looking at it wondering what to write up for this blog, I decided to write up a quick review on the mic itself. I mean, when in Rome, right?

Good Stuff:
- There is a couple beats on the mic so you can pretend to be a rapper and try that. Or you can do what I do and use it as background music as you introduce people when they walk in the room. Think of Old School when Vince Vaughan introduces Snoop Dogg at Mitch-a-palooza or in Semi-Pro when will Will Ferrell introduces his starting line up. Watch the video below for reference.

- A great thing about this microphone is that is does have an attached speaker, but that can be removed and plug into an amplifier of any kind and make it even louder! Imagine that, you having a party, you plug this puppy into an amp, press the beat button and introduce everyone as they come in or commentate the whole night! haha that would be interesting.
- This microphone can be used to annoy the shit out of anyone and everyone you know! haha. At first it's comical and people find it amusing but after about 3 hours of the thing, they do want to smash the mic and kill you. And no, this would not be listed as a bad thing, you pessimist.

Bad things:
- There's a record button, but no save feature or anything. As soon as you re-record the previous one is gone. So those looking to record their mix tape on here Eminem style or need to add voice overs to your Pauly D inspired beat, get off your cheap ass and buy an actual mic.
- The "T-Pain Effect" button doesn't work that well. Could be better. But this is a toy so you can expect much. Fucking cheap toy.
- Runs through batteries like a hooker through cocaine.
- It does have a remix button, but I don't think I'm using it properly... or care much about that to be honest.

All in all, I will probably grow tired of this thing pretty quick, but it will be fun in the mean time!

Jersey Shore is Back

2012-01-05T21:27:00.000-05:00

Once again the trash that is Jersey Shore will be on the air!

For those who are fans, welcome to the a few weeks of Thursday nights at home reliving basically what everyone in Woodbridge goes through on a daily basis.

The blow-outs, the tans, the "bro", the juice monkeys, the tank tops, the gold chains, the drama, the booze, the 18 hr prep time for partying, the 9 inch heels on 5 inch women, all of it.

I don't mind the cleavage.

The drama is standard at best and has been steadily declining since season 1. Now it looks a little too fake. At least in Season 1 Pauly D actually knocks a guy in the first episode and I think this is also Ronnie's one punch season and his one night in jail season and rumble on the board walk season.

Must have gotten a talking' too from the producers that they can't shell out for the lawsuits for every kid he knocks out, so he's going to have to cut it out.

Apparently Vinnie leaves this season...Didn't see that one coming...(how do you type out a fart noise and make a thumbs down sign indicating a sarcastic remark)

This time they are back in Jersey...again.

The Meatball monkeys need to be shot. They have run their course.

Mike will be Mike and be "The Bad Guy" More like a tool than a bad guy. Bad guys people will root for. Tools, no chance.

Ronnie and Sam, you're idiots

Jwoww, you can do whatever you like. (And no that is not meant to sound like that song of whomever's that is, I'm not even sure that's how the song goes)

I really don't know what else to write about this. I can't really say too much about them any more. I mean I can name about 20 people I know that act exactly like each of these "characters"

Meh, I will be watching and I think I really just used this topic so I can tag it as a label and potentially get more traffic to my blog.

Show starts now, I gotta post this puppy.

Motivational Posters

2012-01-04T22:56:00.001-05:00

Ever see those lovely posters with the black outline, the headline and the quick little caption?
I found a way to make my own
These are not meant to be inspirational, but you never know!
Enjoy!

Snoop on TPR!

2012-01-03T19:26:00.000-05:00

Snoop Dogg was on The Price is Right yesterday.

He didn't really do much other than just be Snoop

Have a look

Snoop does get a little excited in this. Constant re-assurance to this contestant plus he gets a fat cheque for his charity or something or other.

How much do you think he got in his pocket???

Interesting

Direction for 2012 - Top Resolutions

2012-01-02T22:59:00.000-05:00

I've decided to spend a little more time on this entry and actually do some research.
But then I got lazy and did a quick google search and found what I needed in about 30 seconds.

I'm going to talk about some people's New Years Resolutions...
Now keep in mind, I will be making fun of them the whole time.
Please don't look for this to be an inspirational entry to motivate you to keep yours.
Actually it may work like that when you want to prevent your resolution from showing up here next year.

These top resolutions are random and in no particular order.

1. Lose Weight, Get Fit, Be Healthy, and anything else that can be related to fitness.

Why start this in the middle of winter? It's always dark, cold and depressing. This is more a summer time thing. And why are you waiting all year to lose weight? O ya, that's right. Its because of the mountains of food and sweets everyone eats during the holidays, you feel guilty, you hop on a treadmill, lose the 5 lbs you gained and you hop off. Way to commit...who am I kidding? I'm the same way

2. Quit smoking, drinking or some other kind of bad habit

I applaud the effort of those that try, but with St. Patty's Day on March 17th, that really only gives you 2 and a half months to rid yourself of whatever it is your doing before being tempted on one of the biggest parties of the year. Why would you want to quit something right before an amazing party? Wouldn't it be smarter to wait until after? Mind you, it probably is easier to complete this task in the winter, but why? Just party it up... Unless your a degenerate and if that's the cause get some help and lock yourself up.

3. Spend more time with family and friends

This is the kind of resolution people say when they are surrounded by family and friends that they have neglected the previous year. This individual will more often then not "toast" to family once this resolution is said out loud. This is also the individual that will not be seen until the next NYE and then give the same cheesy speech and the same terrible toast. Good luck with that, idiot.

4. Get out of Debt

A good goal that would be more long term than short, but a dumb resolution. You just blew all your savings or your Christmas bonus to buy presents and gifts for loved ones, now you just announced that you bought everything on credit and you're poor and can't pay for it. Keep this resolution to yourself and make up a public one for when you have to share. If you have to share of course. Don't announce that getting out of debt is your goal. Everyone at the table is going to say, "Why did you buy me this watch then?" or "Why did you get my kid that dumb video game?" Save yourself the ridicule and pick numbers 1, 2 or 3.

5. "Get Organized"

What the fuck does this mean? Be more specific asshole.

As for my resolution, I said I wanted to write a book. I have no idea how I'm going to pull this one off. Anyone got any book idea? Ha ha ha ha ha ha

Twin Videos

2011-12-30T15:07:00.000-05:00

So I logged on to youtube, as always, on my day off to see what the world wide web had to offer in the random entertainment area.

One of the recommended videos that popped up was some dumb video about 2 18 month old twins talking jibberish. The headline read something about them making their own language. That's just dumb.

Obviously, they automatically link pages to anything that has twin in the title.

These were some of the dumb videos that I have decided to share with you.
Lots of winners in these videos.

These hacks disabled embedding like jerks...
Mother Has Surgery to Look Like Daughter

Fucking ABC News disables all fucking embedding.
One White Twin, One Black Twin

Had to some puck action eh boys! Goooo Get 'Em!

Gotta mention Arnold and Danny DeVito

And of course, some pictures of hot twins with some weird ass music by a dude named Boris...Standard youtube stuff

Brees Breaks Marino Record

2011-12-27T16:43:00.000-05:00

I don't normally write about sports, but I felt congratulations are in order for Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints.

Dan Marino originally set the record in 1984, and after 27 years, Drew Brees finally breaks the record with his second attempt. Well every year is an attempt but there was one year where he fell short by under 50 yards.

Brees, a class act through and through, set the record on Monday Night Football, of course, throwing a touchdown, typical, in the last few minutes of the game, obviously. Only thing that would have been better if it was a game winning TD.

Regardless, Brees was very humble and praised his coaches, teammates and fans for the record.

Congrats to Brees and the Saints!

Here is a funny f-bomb video that is pretty much totally unrelated to my post

Parking Vultures

2011-12-26T11:56:00.000-05:00

In the animal kingdom, there is still a lot of species that are yet to be discovered.
Who knows what dwells at the bottom of the ocean, or what lives deep in the jungle or maybe what has survived and has made a home inside a volcano

But, in the words of Tim Curry in Home Alone 2 "I made the discovery!"

I have seen this species before, but today more so than any day, the Parking Vulture showed up in full force.

I went to Vaughan Mills Mall today to try my luck at some boxing day shopping. Bad idea. I ended up parking quite a ways away and found myself walking for what seemed like an eternity to get into this mall. For the record, I'm not a fan of walking.

Inside was a mess. Lines everywhere, too many people in the halls, dumb people just stopping for no reason in the middle of the hall blocking everything. I probably had to slam on the brakes about 300 times in the span of 100 yards. Terrible. I couldn't take it any more. I had to leave. This led to me running into many parking vultures on my way back to my mile away Jeep.

The parking vulture is native to any jammed parking lot of shopping malls, sporting events, concerts, festivals and anywhere else it is impossible to find parking.

Introduced to world around the same time whenever the mega mall was introduced to society, the parking vulture seeks it's prey in a very obvious fashion. Awaiting near the door of the structure, the parking vulture follows its prey from the door all the way to their vehicle. The parking vulture then signals intensely and awaits the prey to pull out of the parking spot before swinging in victorious. Parking vulture then gloats brief, puts its head down and runs inside.

The more evolved parking vultures will even offer rides to the prey to their vehicles. (Well at least it would make sense to do that when you are looking for a spot on a busy day. Find someone walking out, give'em a lift to their car take their spot) This proves that the parking vulture is not a total caveman of a species but actually shows promise in its evolution. That is, until there is a dispute over prey.

Parking vultures are often found fighting and arguing with their kin. Disputes over prey often result is profanity and "flipping of birds". In rare occasions, parking vultures can resort to violence and sometimes to vandalism. Depending on the nature of dispute of course.

There is a way to outsmart to prehistoric parking vulture. Simply keep switching between lane ways. The parking vulture will become too frustrated from following you lane to lane that they will call off their search and look for another prey. If you do find yourself the victim of a parking vulture, just get in your vehicle and get out of there as fast as possible. If you feel like agitating the parking vulture, sit in your car, text a bunch of people, make a couple calls, review what you bought, take a nap, order a pizza, and then head home. You run the risk of bodily harm though.

Top Christmas Movies

2011-12-26T00:13:00.000-05:00

I decided that I should mention a few things about Christmas movies.
They always give you that great feeling about Christmas and blah blah blah
Let me know what you think and if I missed any
Ok here goes,

These are in no particular order so rank 'em yourself

Home Alone 2
specifically Home Alone 2. Home Alone 1 was good, but 2 was better. Plus Tim Curry and Rob Schneider join in on the fun. Nothing better than some of the one liners in this flick. And how many times have you quoted "Howdy-do, this is Peter McCallister, the Father." Seriously?

Please Note: Home Alone 3 is terrible and is a waste of film

Elf
I love this movie. Buddy the Elf is just incredible. Guy can do anything. He even saves Christmas. I think this is one Will Ferrell' best flicks and it just so happens to be a wicked Christmas movie as well. Mind you, if Talladega Nights or Anchorman was filmed during the Christmas season, they may edge Elf out. I'm just sayin....

Christmas Story
Who can leave out this one?? Ralphie in his fuzzy pink pyjamas, and those unreal black framed glasses. He's got the sweet part in his hair that every guy has had as a kid. He gets a Red Ryder BB Gun and of course he hurts himself using it, just like any of us would. And of course he tries to cover it up by blaming it on something else so he wouldn't lose the gun, just like any of us would. This movie is a classic. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you do so.

Bad Santa
Amazing Christmas movie. Just goes to show that there can be a Christmas Miracle for anyone. Even a drunk, psychotic, nut case, impersonating a Santa Claus, while crashing in a stranger's house and convincing a sick elderly woman the he his Santa along with her 8-9 year old grandson, just so he can rob a mall with his side kick who is impersonating an elf. Just smashed a run on sentence, but that's the movie.

Die Hard
I'm pretty sure this was around Christmas. And if I'm not mistaken, John McClane attends a Christmas party for his ex-wife. I think. You can check I'm lazy

Christmas with The Kranks
This is a great movie about some overly nosey neighbours who just can't keep from getting involved with one families decision to go south for Christmas. If I'm going on vacation and you bother me about not celebrating, I would probably tell BG to kill you

The Muppets Christmas Carol
Of course I would include The Muppets! Love these guys! There's just something about a Muppet movie that just makes you feel like a kid again, no matter how old you are. And you got to love cheering for them on whatever adventure they are on. For some reason there is always some kind of adversity for these fabric heroes to conquer.

The Nightmare Before Christmas
Tim Burton classic was way ahead of it's time. It's way more popular now, that it was in the early 90's. I remember watching this as a youngster and being scared to death because I thought Santa was going to die. And not knowing that movies were fake I always thought the boogie man was gonna get me. Still a good Christmas movie tho

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Clark Griswold and his family on one of their vacations. This is one of the best of the Griswold's vacation. Who can resist Chevy Chase fantasize about a smoking hot babe swimming in pool. Well you watch that scene for the babe and not really much else. This has also sparked international house lights competition when Clark goes nuts about covers his house with 1000's of lights

Scrooged
Starring Bill Fuckin' Murray
Need I say more?

And Here's Christmas Day Food

2011-12-25T20:25:00.000-05:00

As promised, here is today's food!

Yes, some leftovers were served for the vegetarians at the table

No, I didn't make this either

Yes, there is leftovers

No, we don't deliver

Mammosa's were at breakfast but were present for a while

Prosciutto, home made

Brussel sprouts, blah, I don't eat these

leftover fish salad, for the vegetarians, plus it's good

prosciutto, figs, Gorgonzola, olives, bocconcini and tomatoes and of course, vino ... yes, those are simpsons party crackers

pickles...home made, very rare, no, you can't have any

leftover shrimps and crab legs for non meat eaters

i switched to caeser's

Lasagna, nuf' said

rapini, i had a bit, not a lot

Lamb, delicious

dessert, on the left we have pancake balls stuffed with nutella and peanut butter, on the right is more cream puffs and in the middle is some kind strawberry - vanilla cake... yes it was all good

Christmas Eve Food

2011-12-25T11:53:00.000-05:00

I took pictures of all the food that I consumed during Christmas Eve.
Please note, I did not take pictures of any types of vegetables, garnishes, salads, or dressings.
Straight fish homie
Yes, I will post what is consumed on Christmas Day
No, I didn't make any of it
and Maybe, we might have leftovers
Enjoy

Fish Salad, Delicious

I think this was Haddock, not sure, it was amazing tho

Shrimp goodness

Crab Cakes! Unreal Mo P original!

Scallops... you guessed it! they were good too

Mushroom risotto... yes it is good

Mushroom risotto on plate

The Zuppa di Pesce!!! I think that's how you spell it or say it for that matter

Cream Puffs for dessert!

Jerome Simpson Flips into the Endzone

2011-12-24T17:46:00.002-05:00

This is just too awesome for words.

Have a look.

I love this weather! BUT I'm totally against Global Warming

2011-12-22T21:29:00.000-05:00

I had a very interesting conversation today. (And that sentence could be one of those sentences that has 1 million very's, you know like when you were a kid? Anyways)

The conversation started off like any other. Usual banter and what not.

Obviously, I like to come up with random everyday topics to help the conversation continue while I try to figure out whatever it is I'm doing on my computer. So, I choose the amazing weather that we had today. This individual started to just blab about how awesome the weather is. The sunshine is incredible. I can't believe it. I walked here today it was so nice out. Just on and on and on about how excellent the weather was.

Being the smart ass that I am, I decided to just flat out say, "Kinda makes ya think Global Warming isn't a bad thing, eh?"

Yes, I said it exactly like that.

This person responds with, "Please explain."

I spoke about how it is unusual to have this weather and it could be related to the whole global warming thing and blah blah blah. Nothing offensive. I didn't really pick a side. I didn't defend anything and I said it in a very joking manner.

Immediately without hesitation, "You are misinformed. Global Warming is a very REAL issue and it affects everything and in 10,000 years the world will be gone."

"But you still like the weather right?"

This complete maniac wants to save the world 10,000 years from. As far as the Mayans are concerned, we have less than a year left. So what's the worry about 10,000 years from now? Keep in mind, I don't exactly remember the number the person said and I don't really care about what the actually figure is, I just picked 10,000 years because it's a nice round number. And if you feel the need to correct me with the exact figures, please think before you post and ask yourself if you enjoyed the weather today?

You can't enjoy the warm December weather if you are going to ridicule me about cracking a joke about global warming. Within 30 seconds of expressing feelings about how wicked the walk in was, this person does a huge 180 and starts going on about it. If you want to fight global warming, move to the Equator and fight. Move there. You jerk. Toronto has amazing weather, you love it, then you complain about the issue that is global warming, which does not even affect our generation and if the Mayans are right doesn't even matter? C'mon man, give your head a shake.

I know I may get back lash about this, but to be honest, I don't care. Go ahead. Let me hear it. I could talk about other facts and argue them. Pick one. I dare you.

My 25th Birthday, 25 Day Celebration

2011-12-21T20:14:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine came up with the genius idea of going out for 25 days in a row to celebrate our 25th birthdays.

Like a sucker, I said yes.

Now here where the ground rules.

1.) Must go out every night for 25 days straight

2.) Must have a least one drink every time you go out

Pretty straight forward nothing too fancy.

Now about this 25 day celebration. I did complete it. Woohoo to me

I did have an idea to sit here and write about everything that I did, the places I went, everything.

But,

I decided to just say this about the experience...

If someone asks you to do this, call them a degenerate and say NO!

When it first started I was all about it. Couldn't wait to get out of the house to do something, anything. Didn't matter what. As time went on, exhaustion started to set in. Didn't really want to do it any more. I was pretty much forcing my way out of the house. And then when my buddy skipped a day, o man. That was it.

I wanted to quit everyday after that, but knowing I was only 10 days away from completing this and also having the ability to hold this over his head for the rest of our lives...I had to finish.

I was going to share all the places I went. I actually even started to make tabs on the places I went, but after 14 days I just gave up on keeping track of that.

I will say that to end off the 25 days, me and a group of friends went to Buffalo on a Saturday night before a Bills game. It was an interesting night, including a 5 A.M. unscheduled wake up call and a walk to a nice little restaurant in a grimy part of Buffalo.

Moral of the blog entry, if someone asks you to celebrate anything 25 days in a row, tell them to fack off.

Private Train to the City of Atlantis

2011-12-20T22:29:00.003-05:00

So, Kim Jong Il died

National Post decided to quote some of his funniest lies to the people of North Korea

National Post Article: Click Here to Read

Of course I felt compelled to enlighten everyone with those amazing tales from Kim Jong Il

"picked up a golf club for the very first time, and - as witnessed by 17 security guards and reported by the state news agency - shot a smooth 38-under-par round of 34, including 11 holes-in-one.

And never again played the game"

Best I have ever scored on a golf course is roughly 3 times what Kim scored on his very first round. But then again, I also don't kill people or dump them in shark tanks when they don't do what I say

" had died of severe mental and physical overexertion while travelling on his luxurious private train en route to the lost city of Atlantis."

And no, it's not that unreal resort that is in Bahamas, or wherever, he's talking about the actually myth of the lost city of Atlantis. That must be a nice business meeting. Smash 11 hole in ones and then crush some brewskis and wingers under water at Atlantis while riding in style on a private train.

"His delegation was scheduled to have met with the American music star Elvis Presley on Sunday, but instead, the leader's son and presumed successor, Kim Jong-un, will stand in for his father at the dedication of the legendary 76-year-old singer's new North Korean Rock'n Roll theme park and water slide, Fun In Acapulco."

Elvis and a water slide... Man, that's amazing. Can start my own country? Run it the way he did, bring Elvis back from the dead and have a water slide open? I'm so down. Might as well bring back Johnny Cash and John Wayne just so I can have some old red-blooded Americans shoot shit up I slide down the water slide. Plus then I know I got some serious muscle behind me. Might as well resurrect some sharp shooters while we'll at it. And bring in Clint Eastwood just so I can talk about my Clint collection

"He is said to have had a personal library of some 20,000 foreign films, including the complete James Bond series. His favourite all-time flick was Caddyshack."

I hope this isn't a lie cause that is awesome

Now the whole time I'm reading this, I just keep thinking what would the guys from Team America have to say about this recent event?

Bup, I don't know. Here's their version on Kim Jong Il singing. Plus I heard Kim Jong Il just swept the Grammy's.

Runaway Cart Smokes People Standing at 50 Yard Line

2011-12-18T20:18:00.000-05:00

Hhahahaahahaha! This is amazing!!!!

Watch these guys get plowed!

Definitely a frustrated employee set up these pylons on the cart!

They will be fired for sure!

This video speaks for itself! I don't need to comment!

Enjoy!

High School Students Suspended for "Tebowing"

2011-12-17T07:32:00.000-05:00

America does it again!

I knew our friends to the south would have something good for me to chirp about this morning!

Ladies and gentlemen, 4 high school students from Riverhead High on the North Fork of Long Island have been suspended for "Tebowing" in the school's hallway!

And of course, there's a video!

For those who don't know, "Tebowing" got it's name from Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow. Every time he does something good, he gets down on one knee and says a quick prayer. Must be working for him. Since taking over as Denver's starting QB he's 7 and 1 and on a 6 game winning streak right now.

Now to clarify, this will not be about Tim Tebow and he's growing legendary status, but more so about the stupidity of this school.

This is what happened. These 4 kids who attend Riverhead High always joke about Tebowing amongst themselves. You know how it is, you and your friends have some kind of inside joke. Often ripped off of a celebrity or pro athlete or something that you just made up all on your own. An inside joke, if you will. So these guys were just being kids and started Tebowing in the hallway of school. More and more students started to join in on the mass Tebowing. Appaently, it was starting to block the hallway. The school saw as if it had the potential to start riots in the school and suspended the 4 students for 1 day. The school states that the growing blockage in the school could have some students starting to push to get through and when they push the wrong student, bombs start flying, a huge fight breaks out, kids' heads are kicked in, teachers are trampled, chemistry lab is raided and an explosion blows up the school, the government thinks its a terrorist attack and launches nukes all over the world, The Muppets never make another movie, the world ends, aliens take over the universe, and all of this because of "Tebowing"

In high school, I've seen kids fighting in hallways and all it was a simple "move along" or "get to class". Why suspension? I would have snapped a photo and then put one of those black frames on it with a word and definition. You know the ones I'm talking about. There's the serious ones that will have like a picture of the sunrise and it'll have the word "Motivation" or "Determination" underneath and then some cheesy motivational saying underneath. Or the funny ones with the picture of a church and then it says "Church: Where to turn when Google can't answer your questions" Ya, one of those. I probably would have wrote, "Tebowing: An Act of God" or "Tebowing: JC in the House" or "Tebowing: Gets you a 1 day suspension" ...When you really look at this, these kids were suspended for praying.

Just to let everyone know at Riverhead High on the North Fork of Long Island, you are not allowed to pray in the hallway, or in the classroom, or in the bathroom, the gym, outside, the bleachers, the locker room or anywhere. No praying. Not on school hours. You want to pray? You do it after school on your own time, but don't let it affect your studies. You better make sure you do your homework before you start praying.

I'm not a huge religious individual, but I do respect the fact if someone is. That's your faith, you follow it, cool. I have no problems with it. I do understand that these 4 kids may have used this as an inside joke but what if they actually were praying? And everyone who jumped in was also praying? What if they were taking a couple minutes out of their day to pray? You actually hear a couple "Ahem"s and "God Bless" and a whole bunch of "Teboooowwwwwwwww"s

Talk about a joke. How do you justify ssupending kids for Tebowing and then claim that it had the potential incite riots among students in a high school. What was going to happen? An Oakland fan was going to paint on some black and silver and swing a mace at the students Tebowing? Or a San Diego fan start a Ron Burgundy style brawl in the Channel 4 News parking lot? Or a Kansas City fan pull out a tomahawk or bow and arrow and start reclaiming land? I don't know.

I would like to say a big thank you to America.
You have once again shown that high school's across the country are complete idiots.
First you promote incest and now you ban religion, or worse, football touchdown celebrates.

High School "Incest" Prank

2011-12-15T17:39:00.000-05:00

Well, this gem of a video was brought to my attention today.

Turns out, at this high school pep rally, some genius thought it would be a good idea to have blindfold the team captains of the varsity teams, tell them they will be kissing someone, then march in their parents and have them jam tongues down each other's throats.

Who the fuck comes up with shit like this?????

If you can actually watch the video, some may not due to weak stomach or they just aren't sick in the head, these are not just small pecks on the lips or something, this is like a full on high school make out session.

Highlights from the video include.

1.) One teen with their parent rolling around on the floor. That is your kid! why are you rolling around the floor with your kid at a high school pep rally? Do you not have any common sense, or self respect, or respect for your kid, your family? What are you thinking? ... Sickos

2.) With one mother, it actually looks like she's putting her son's hand on her ass. This mullet-sporting, vest-wearing beauty, grabs her son's hand from her waste and puts it on her ass. Why? ... Degenerates

3.) One kid describes his mom's lips as "luscious lips". This poor kid had no idea and was probably like what do I say so I don't defend this individual? He can't really say "This broads lips taste like sandpaper, gin and cigarettes" This poor kid is going to be known in his high school as "Luscious Lips Louis" Of course that's assuming his name is Louis, wouldn't work if he was Steve or John or something else ... Nut Jobs

4.) What looks to be like a principal or teacher, the slob in the plaid shirt, felt it necessary to ask questions at the end of this sad moment in humanity. This guy was on Cops a week ago, I swear ... Wacko

5.) All the cheering idiots in the audience who found this amusing, including the jackal in the green shirt laughing right at the end. If you stop the clip while this guy is laughing he actually looks like a jackal. Now I don't really know what a jackal looks like, or care for that matter, but I'm assuming that's it ... Retard

6.) And right at the end of the video, the wonderful director of this clip, decided to put "Embarrassing, right?" The caption at the end of this clip should have read "Jail time, right?" or "Incest, right?". Or how about "Let's see how many of these kids develop mental complexes because of this exposure to incest, right" ... Shit head

7.) One Youtube commenter claimed to attend this high school and said that it's a "tradition that only happens every 6 years or something", Why? Why make your school look even worse that it already is? ... Inbred

8.) Brings us back to the wonderful director of this clip one more time, as the director used LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It" as the theme song for this giant leap back in human existence. (Sidebar: Yes, I know that's the second time in a couple days I have referenced this song, but this was a total coincidence) If this director had any insight, he could have remixed this song to "Incest and I know it" or just not make this clip at all and save a lot of "Embarrassment" as they put it for these kids ... Douche

Rosemount High School of Rosemount, Minnesota, I hope you have some kind of scandal or something soon. I don't think people will forget about this soon. Oh and tell those poor kids to change their names and move to Alaska. There's no computers there...I think.

One Second, Please Hold

2011-12-15T17:02:00.000-05:00

I hate it.

Having to wait while on the phone. I especially hate waiting with cell phone companies. It's terrible. How do you do it?

I do not like being put on hold for any reason, well unless your making some kind of food for me and you smell it burning, then yes it's acceptable to put me on hold to tend to the food.

Still though, and this entry is specifically directed at cell phone companies because you guys make me nervous.

If you are someone answering the phone in a customer service role and you don't know the answer or you do not have the right job title to complete what needs to be completed, why are you even there? What service are you providing to the world by answering the phone, listing to my story, saying your going to speak with your manager, throwing me on hold, they saying you can't do what I'm asking, and in the end you pass me on to someone else who can do what I want to do, but I still have to restate my story and problem and get put on hold at least one more time. Wouldn't it just be easier to fire these people and skip the middle person crap and actually provide proper customer service? Rather than build a terrible reputation for yourself, why not fix the issue? Or better yet, give the people who are answering the phones the ability to complete the "difficult tasks"? Or why do you put me on hold to speak with the manager and then i have to restate everything again? Why not take notes while I'm speaking? Or better yet, actually remember what I'm saying?

I once had a cell phone company tell me I didn't select a text message plan, then tell me that the package I signed up for included text messages but they couldn't reverse the charges because the bundle was signed up afterward. I have been with the same company, almost the exact same plan since 2006. When I went to capitalize on my phone upgrade, which was a fiasco in itself and I do not want to explain that head ache, I double checked everything and made sure that I texts on it. I am one of those individuals that prefers a blackberry over and iphone for the simple reason that I can't stand touch screens. But I made sure that I had texts cause not everyone has bbm. Odd part about the whole thing, the first month I had no issues, the 4 months after I did.

Every month for 4 months I had to continually call in and beg and plead with them to reverse the charges. What a pain in the ass. Plus on top of it all, I had to wait about an hour each time with them just to have this shit reversed and 90% of it was spent on hold the other 9% was spent me telling the story and the 1% was them actually doing something. That's just terrible.

How do you allow your company to pull stuff like this? It horrible. But as long as the technology is around these dilemmas will always be around. Should just get BG to burn everything down and we just start from scratch.

That's my rant.

Sex on the Subway? Really?

2011-12-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

I really hope you have read the article or seen the pictures or heard it from someone, cause this story is unreal.

For those who don't know, and for those that do, here is a brief recap of what was said.
2 drunk people on the subway, at around 2:30 in the afternoon on the Sunday that just passed.
Got horny and started having sex in the subway car.
Lady saw, got jealous, pressed the passenger alarm button.
Subway officials kicked them out of the car, so they decided to finish up on the subway platform.
It was missionary position, for those interested.
And that's pretty much it.

Now the article went on to explain about the charges that were laid or going to be laid or guessing what will be laid or something about laying charges on the couple that were just trying to get laid. I don't know, I wasn't really interested in the laying of the charges. But the main thing that I want to stress about the article that was found in the Toronto Star on Monday, December 12, 2011, was author Laura Stone's opening line, "It gives a whole new meaning to riding the rocket." Amazing. Then next thing Laura writes about is the TTC Guard kicked the couple off the subway train. Then, she transitions the story from in the subway car to the platform with, "But they clearly weren't satisfied." Classic

I just can't believe what possesses these people to commit these acts in broad daylight on a Sunday afternoon? Now, I understand having some early afternoon drinks while watching football, but I don't think I have ever been at the point where at 2:30 in the afternoon I feel the urge to have sex on a subway train. Oh and of course after being kicked off the train would I be so plastered that I would need to continue on the platform. Seriously, were they drunk or were they just hopped up on all kinds of drugs? I'm going to go with drugs. No way in hell where they that drunk, had to have been on drugs.

The other thing that is worth noting, there was a picture. Yes, A PICTURE. Mind you, it was a still shot from a video taken from a passenger's camera, and was edited before release, but a picture nonetheless. In the picture you can kind of see what they are doing. It is definitely missionary position as you can see a blurred out area that would have been the guy's ass. Plus witnesses said that the guy was "moving rhythmically with his bare buttocks exposed". You can also see this girl on her back and what looks like she has taken her pants off one leg, but kept them on the other. Weird. Was she cold? Well, was one leg cold? Couldn't get her pants all the way off cause she just needs to have sex on a subway platform so badly? This girl didn't really plan ahead now did she? If she knew she was going to be drunk, and horny, and having sex on a subway, why didn't she just wear a skirt? Or those old school tear away track pants. Just unbutton and you're good to go.

The other thing that I just can't help but wonder, it was Sunday afternoon around 2:30pm, do you think there was any church goers riding the rocket at this time? Please note, when I say ride the rocket in this sense, it actually means taking the TTC as opposed to how these two redefined the meaning. I could just imagine some older couple sitting there, having a grand ol' time on the subway. Enjoying their metro newspaper that they grabbed right before they stepped onto the subway platform. They enter the train, find a seat and just as they start to make themselves comfortable, these two drunk and high idiots start going at it like hyenas.

Hotter in White Socks

2011-12-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

So when I restarted this blog, i didn't really have any direction in specific regards to what I was going to write about.

Which I think has served a greater purpose as now I can speak about pretty much whatever I damn well please.

It also allows me to incorporate past memories that have since be either blocked out or forgotten. The blocked ones are probably not going to be shared. Hence why they are blocked and not just forgotten. But forgotten memories always have a way of coming back when you are prompted by a reminder. Often it's always something small or a daily task, but just at that in particular time it reminds you of something funny, or dumb, or stupid or something said by someone stupid that sounds so dumb its actually funny. This is one of those times.

Now this is something that was said by someone stupid, or in this case, 2 stupid people, that sounds so dumb while they are saying it that it was incredibly funny.

First, let me example my memory jog.

As always, I'm scrambling to find socks in the morning. I'm one of those individuals that doesn't believe in pairing socks once they are washed, but rather go through the frustration and time consuming task of pairing them as needed. Not a bright move, but it does become sort of a habit as you go. Who likes pairing socks? Who likes folding either? I recently started hanging t-shirts cause I just became against folding. Best decision of life by the way. I suggest you try it.

Anyway, while searching for a pair of socks to wear to work(black dress socks for those interested), my memory jog kicked in and I suddenly remembered about one of the dumbest comments I have ever heard in a social setting. Anddddd I have heard a few.

I am at a party and there is a beirut tournament, or beer pong for the classless beer drinker. Now, while patiently awaiting my turn at the table I noticed 2 guys sitting there commenting back and forth at each and motioning to a girl who happened to be playing at the time. They spoke for a while, the whole time just watching this girl play and chatting back and forth. They kept pointing at the floor or somewhere at the bottom of the table. I just thought there was a giant spill on the floor and someone was about to step in it. Or maybe they have found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I don't know, everyone was pretty much hammered. Once her game had ended, they turned to each other, nodded and called her over. Fresh off a victory she bounces over and asks them, "What's up?" They hesitate for a little bit then turn to the girl and say, "You are pretty hot, but just to let you know, you would be way hotter in white socks instead of black."

This is probably one of the dumbest things I have ever heard by 2 of the most stupid individuals, and guess what, ya, it was definitely funny!

Well now this poor girl didn't really know what to say. And I know this because I decided to ask her for her input so i could finish my blog. At first she was caught off guard and didn't really know how to take it. Was it a compliment? An insult? A suggestion? Still though, her response was an excellent and pretty quick considering the amount of booze that was flying around that night, "Once you go black, You never go back!"

Heeyyyyoooooo, Jungle Fever!

I just couldn't believe how dumb this actual sounds! Of all the things that you could comment one, you choose socks. And you didn't even go with the classic sock line! you know which one I'm talking about. What a couple losers, couple idiots. Couldn't believe just exactly how dumb their drunk talk is! Maybe the have a foot fetish? Or maybe they are attracted to girls with white socks? And why couldn't they have been one of the philosopher drunks? Or a stumbling babbling drunk? One of the fun ones you know? Instead these idiots, become the dumb drunks. Now, I'll admit, I have been the dumb drunk, lately more of a dancing drunk, but it was rather interesting to see what it is like from a different point of view. Where do you come up with the idea to mention to someone that they would look hotter if they had wore white socks instead of black? It doesn't make any sense! Bah, who knows.

I think I need to start making some better memories so next time I'm looking for socks I don't get reminded of that gem of a comment.

Or, I could just start pairing my socks after washing and put this memory in the blocked category.

Some Good Parodies and Joke Songs

2011-12-11T13:20:00.000-05:00

I decided to share some of my favourite parodies and joke songs that are out there online
Please note: none of these videos are mine nor did i create them
this is just merely my opinion about the videos and a link to view them on youtube

Camping and I know it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JidjaBFUoBk
a song entirely about the new Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3...this game is addictive and is quite the time waster. the song parody is set to LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It (which in itself could have made the list), but seeing as how the guys who created this are canadian, i figured i would post their verision instead

Captain Jack Sparrow and anything Lonely Island - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI6CfKcMhjY
It's ok, in a 3 way - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi7gwX7rjOw
i decided to post 2 of their songs and yes i can make that decision becuase this is my site and i write these things... if u have seen these particular two, please make sure to view immediately....some notable moments in each video...captain jack sparrow - anytime michael bolton those out a "yaaaaa' and he's rockin shades, watch how much effort he throw into it. also, when hes impersonating tony montana and just makes it rain with the snowboards..... in its ok, in a 3 way ..."hold up dog, what you diggity doing here?...i should diggity ask you the same!" whats the point of the second diggity? or the first for that matter...or when the "knock on boots"

Show Me Your Genitals - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqXi8WmQ_WM
this guy is just a degenerate...watch for a good laugh

Taking the Hobbits to Isengard - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE-1RPDqJAY
a song created by editing the good ol' hobbit flicks... its actually quite funny, especially the face orlando bloom makes while saying the line over and over and over again...another notable LOTR mocking video is definitely the one about how the movie should have gone... you know the one, where the just hop on the giant birds like a normal person, fly to the volcano and drop the ring in...there was no need for 10 hours of movie time to talk about walking... if anyone is unclear about the movies, please reference the Clerks 2 and watch how they break down the films

The Gang Bang Song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmqP25iALtU
this song is not as well known as the others but still makes the cut... looks like there just sitting around, getting hammered making up song, haha i like it, give a watch

Gump and anything Weird Al - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQwWaWFjd0Y
the legend of the parody, weird al, i've picked gump for a few reasons, 1.) i like the movie forrest gump starring tom hanks, 2.) weird al's leg kicks in this one are amazing and 3.) the original song lump by the president's of the united states of america was actually a funny song as well and one of the first cd's i ever bought...not my finest moment

White White Baby, Jim Carrey - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47uTUVSs2K0
Unreal parody by Jim Carrey when he was almost totally unknown and acting on the Wayans' version of SNL, In Livin' Color, also featured J-Lo as a fly girl, anyways, Jim Carrey decides to make fun of vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby with excellent parody! enjoy

Whip My Hair - Neil Young - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N799R_mDx_U
My favourite Jimmy Fallon anything....it's Jimmy Fallon, dressed as Neil Young, singing Willow Smith's "Whip my Hair" there is a very special guest that joins in FYI

This is what i could think of on this sunday afternoon, enjoy
feel free to post anything else that you think should be on this post!

Facebook Relationship Statuses; What they really mean

2011-12-10T19:27:00.000-05:00

The following is my take on what Facebook Relationship Statuses really say
Its normally not what you think

Single:
A) I really am single
B) I refuse to change my status even tho im in a relationship, because im not sure where its going and i dont want to eliminate any potential options
C) im a horny individual and my single status allows me to hit on anyone

In a Relationship (no person specified)
A) I actually in a relationship but do not want to say with whom
B) I have been tricked into the relationship, the individual is ugly, help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you are my only hope
C) Im not in a relationship, I just put this up so the creepy person stalking me might leave me alone
D) Im not in a relationship, I just put this up to piss off my ex
E) Im not in a relationship, I just put this up to attract attention cause everyone always wants what they cant have
F) Im not in a relationship, this just makes creeping and stalking more easy

In a Relationship with (your actual lover)
A) I am in a relationship with this person and I am very happy to be with them
B) I am solely putting the individual's name here so my ex can creep out this person and see how much better the new person is
C) Please look at how awesome my new person is!
D) I really think you should look at the person in my status
E) She made me put this (never other way around)

In a Relationship with (a friend's name that you really aren't in a relationship with)
A) I'm an Idiot! YAYYYY!

It's Complicated (no person specified)
A) I looove attention and I really want everyone to feel sorry for me
B) This is a ploy and I want everyone to put their guards down and trust me so i can suck their blood (with all the Twilight stuff nowadays, you see this a lot)
C) I got into a fight with my significant other and i need some attention from the opposite sex
D) My imaginary friend disappeared, i miss that friend

It's Complicated with (your actual lover or future ex)
A) I need to win this fight and facebook support is what i need!
B) Just so we are clear or maybe you are confused, but this confirms that the 2 of us have issues and you need to change. (clearly this person is right, right?)
C) It's a joke right before we announce our engagement or it's a terrible april fool's joke!
D) It's a ploy to get someone to come over and console me, but then i convince them to have sex with me and have my future ex walk in and get rid of them for good!
E) I'm an idiot, theres nothing wrong but i over re-acted
F) She made me put this (never other way around)

Engaged or Married (no person specified)
A) I have ruined my life and i dont want you to see the person in which i made a huge mistake
B) This is another ploy to get laid
C) My significant other is ugly, please dont creep their page

Engaged or Married with (your actual lover)
A) I have ruined my life with this person
B) She made me put this (never other way around)

Engaged or Married with (a friend's name that you really aren't in a relationship with)
A) I'm an Idiot! YAYYYY!

No status:
A) stop being such a nosey jerk
B) No reason other than that