First, take notice that the betrayal happened in the past, and that on some level the betrayal is no longer happening. This represents some type of relief; the event is over. The betrayal is an event stored in one’s memory. Do not dwell on these disturbing memories, putting energy into disturbing memories will only cause unnecessary upset. Recognize that everyone chooses who to spend time with based on their behavior, so decide what level of interaction you are willing to have with the betrayer. Be grateful for the good things in your life. No matter what the situation things could have turned out a lot worse. And finally, notice that feeling sad is the result of thinking sad thoughts, and feeling angry is the result of thinking angry thoughts. Except for the presence of these sad or angry thoughts you might be feeling just fine. Consider interrupting painful trains of thought, or dropping the thoughts all together, as these thoughts do not represent a helpful reality. You do not “have to” dwell on thoughts simply because they randomly arise in your mind. The exaggerated importance of painful thoughts is illusory, and to some limited extent you can decide to think about them less often.

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I would challenge this person’s belief that happiness must be earned by virtuous external behavior, that somehow happiness is _accomplished_ externally. Happiness is a state of mind, a state that is partially under our control. Happiness does not necessarily depend on one’s actions or the _facts_ of one’s life situation, but rather it bears on one’s _experience or interpretation_ of their life situation, these two things are quite different. For example, you might see a snake in front of you (a fact), but experience wonder at how fascinating this reptile is and study it. To say that a person does not “deserve” to see a snake as a fascinating object of study, but rather must see the snake as a dangerous creature worthy of no other emotion but fear on account of this person’s poor behavior is nonsensical.

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLxiqRZbMqE

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuNLVanvVnM

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwP5oNaL7z8

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-wBvqVEjn8

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You persist in making negative judgements about something. And this lowers your mood and gets you down.

Why do you do this to yourself? Well, you honestly believe that your negative value judgments are correct, of course!!

How can you stop? Well, you have to change your mind and start believing the EXACT OPPOSITE (or near opposite) of what you currently believe.

If you think that not owning a new car is BAD, you must challenge this belief until you actually believe either that not owing a new car is NOT THAT BAD, or even better, that not owning a new car is GOOD.

Recognizing that all values are subjective can help. Look up Moral Relativism, the Is/Ought Problem, or the Fact/Value Dichotomy on Wikipedia and study up.

When you are done studying, write down the opposite of your negative value judgement and then make a list of all the reasons why not owning a new car is actually GOOD.

Review these reasons frequently until you actually believe you are better off without the car.

*** This is not as hard as you think it is. Give it a try. ***

Simply pretending to be happy or using distraction (like meditation or relaxation techniques) will only work temporarily.

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Value subjectivity is what explains how the richest person on earth and the poorest person on earth can be equally happy.

Value subjectivity explains how a world class athlete can be as happy as a quadriplegic.

There is no other sane explanation.

By the way, value subjectivity also explains how Hitler could have been happy exterminating the Jews and how terrorists can gleefully perform their suicide bombings.

Value subjectivity also explains depression.

Ever wonder why wealthy, famous and sexy people attempt suicide? The answer is value subjectivity.

People can choose to value or disvalue any aspect of their lives. And people do this rather arbitrarily, although, many use cultural values as guides. Using cultural values, though, can create as many problems as they solve.

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS!!!

The good news is that if (and this is a big IF) you can accept the reality of the subjectivity of value, then there are common sense things you can do to make yourself happier.

If you recognize that your positive and negative value statements are largely arbitrary, you can more easily change them, and be happy most of the time.

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUIZax_uzmo

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