Think Simple Now

Time for a Retreat – Personal Update

Tina Su — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 15:05:57 +0000

(Update 07/08/2009: I’ve decided to extend my stay for two more months, and will be in India until September.)

For the next four weeks, I will be living in an ashram near Bangalore India. I will be attending a meditation and spiritual retreat called Inner Awakening that I have been anticipating for many months now.

It’s an opportunity to learn directly from an enlightened guru in a serene environment, along with several hundred other spiritual seekers from around the world.

I’ve decided not to bring my laptop or cell phone, and to fully emerse myself in the experience. Besides, a month without technology sounds like a really nice cleanse of its own.

During this time, no new articles will be published. However, there are a ton of articles published in the past that you may like, so check them out. I’ve also listed out my favorite articles at the end of this post.

Other TSN News

Think Simple Now articles are now available to be subscribed to on the Kindle for $0.99 a month. Support us and subscribe here (free 14 day trial)
I was mentioned in last month’s issue of Glamour magazine, US edition.
We were also mentioned as a case study for the book “Tell Me About Yourself“
Welcome Lisa, Scott and Ralph onto the TSN team.

For Your Curiosity

I get asked some common questions. And to satisfy some of your curiosity, here are some insights into my life.

Q: What is your religion? Are you Buddhist or something?

I do not belong to an organized religion. I am not a Buddhist or a Christian. However, I am also not an Atheist or an Agnostic.

My mother is a baptized Christian who connects with Buddhist teachings and my dad is a trans-denominational Catholic. Such was the environment during my formative years.

As a teenager, I was taught to experience the divine instead of trying to name it. I was taught to follow my heart. I was taught to live consciously and to always speak truthfully.

I am spiritual and am a seeker of Truth. I do not trust based on what I hear, or align to specific rules. My views are purely based on the experiences I’ve encountered and witnessed with my conscious awareness.

My view on the topic of religion is that there are many paths that lead to the same place. You may disagree, and that’s okay. Different teachings speak to different souls. Follow your heart.

Q: Tell me something about this retreat

The ashram is located by a small town called Bidadi, near Bangalore. We were recommended to bring seven changes of white colored, loose fitting, modest clothes. Realizing at the last minute that I did not have seven such garments, I rushed out this week and collected them (hard to find, by the way, in North America).

Each day starts at 6am and ends at 11:30pm. The morning starts with group yoga and meditation until 8am, followed with a concoction of meals, lessons, breaks, and various meditations.

The retreat I enrolled in is called Inner Awakening, and it lasts for 21 days. There is another program happening simultaneously at the ashram that lasts for 90 days, and I’m kicking myself a little for not having the foresight to plan for the latter instead. Oh well, perhaps next year. [update: after arriving, I’ve decided to enroll in the 90 day program]

Q: Why do you want to attend such a retreat?

There are many reasons, but the more direct answer is: It felt like the right thing to do. I also strongly feel that the retreat will teach me things, and give me the clarity and insight that will help me better serve this site, and future projects related to my personal purpose.

Q: Are you going with a friend or with your husband?

I will be going on my own. Jeremy will making sure TSN is up and running, and in charge of site administration while I’m gone.

Create Your Own Personal Retreat

While I am away, I want to make sure that you guys are taking care of yourselves, by creating time out of your week (or day) to connect with yourself, to love yourself, and to give thanks for the things you are grateful for.

If you want to experience a piece of what I am doing, consider doing one or more of the following ideas:

Cleansing Day - Take one day (a month or a week) off to spend with yourself. Spend the day on your own without the computer, phone, music players and tv (shut everything off). Spend the day communing with nature, going for walks, contemplating in your journal, and maybe reading inspirational things. Optionally, consider spending the day without speaking, unless you are addressed by another person.
Take a Meditation or Yoga Class - at the local gym or meet up. Many temples of various religions offer meditation classes for free. It doesn’t hurt to be open to it and experiment with them. When I first moved to Seattle, I would go to a local Tibetan Buddhist temple for this.
Moments of Stillness, Everyday - spend 10 minutes everyday with your eyes closed in silence. Start with some deep breaths and focus on your breath. Whenever thoughts come, just bring your focus back on your breathing. Extend it to longer than 10 minutes if you can. 21 minutes or more gives best results.
Write a Love Letter - to yourself, to another person, or to the Universe. The point of this, is practicing of gratitude, and realizing the abundance of goodness you have in your life.
Selfless Service - Do something for someone, or for some group of people without expecting anything in return, and don’t tell people that you did it (bragging that you did something counts as expecting something, and it no longer becomes selfless service).

Inspirational Reading - Read something that inspires you, and gives your inner space a sense of peaceful clarity. I highly recommend “The Power of Now” and “Living Enlightenment” (Here’s the shortened version of the book). I also really liked “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari“. I have not read the following yet, but they are on my reading list for similar purposes:

My Favorite Articles

Okay, so selecting favorite articles for me, is like choosing a favorite child. Since I couldn’t pick just one, or even ten, I’ve just gone through the archives and selected ones that pulled at my heartstrings.

I’ve broken them up into categories best fitted for each article:

Motivation

Happiness - Part 1

Clarity

Happiness - Part 2

Productivity & Creativity

Relationships

Health

Eating Our Way to Death, Literally

By the time this post is published, I will be on my glorious 20-hour flight. I will not have Internet access until I return home in mid July. If you have questions or comments, I would appreciate it if you could leave them in the comment section of this post instead of emailing me. I will respond when I am back, in the meanwhile, others may comment on it as well.

Happy reading. Make sure to soak up the summer sun.
See you in four weeks!

How to Quiet Your Mind

Tina Su — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 19:22:22 +0000

Photo by Andrea D’Aquino (Germany)

By: Tina Su

Do you regularly feel at ease and at peace? Are you continuously overflowing with Joy and Bliss on a daily basis, such that you seem free of problems and emotional pain? If so, go directly to the comment section and share with us your secrets.

If you’re still reading, you are amongst the vast majority of us striving for a better life, yearning for a more peaceful and joyful existence. Yet, it seems like an impossible challenge, where we end up mentally punishing ourselves for failing, concluding that “I’m just not made to live in peace.”

You see, it’s not us, it’s just that we’ve become so easily distracted by the hurrying demands of modern life, that we’ve temporarily lost touch with our natural state of being. But there is a way, if we seek it.

The purpose of this article is to share a simple technique to bring more peace, joy and clarity into your life. Would you like that?

Why It’s Hard to Find Peace and Joy?

If you observe our problems, you will notice that most problems are rooted in the mind. The basic premise is the same: some external event happens, we choose to see only one side of the story, and then interpret the situation such that it causes some form of mental conflict, resulting in some form of emotional suffering.

While it is easy to simply say, “drop your problems”, you and I both know that it is not that simple. We all have had years and years of conditioning in attracting problems and conflicts. So much so, that the simple concept of ’stop thinking about problems’ will not be so effective on us. We need tools that strike at the problem’s root.

Let’s now try something. Close your eyes for about a minute (or 5 minutes), and during this minute, send out the intention that you want silence and stillness, and you do not want to be pulled away from this silence by thoughts. (Pause your reading and go do this.)

Okay, so what happened? You probably noticed that the moment you become silent, thoughts started popping up - random and unrelated thoughts. These thoughts become a form of distraction, pulling us away from our inner silence.

This was only an experiment where we consciously observed our mind and tried to become still, but could not. Imagine the state of our inner space, while we are going about our day, unaware of the polluting in-coming thoughts.

As a result, our inner space becomes cluttered with useless information, with thoughts that are not conducive to our wellbeing, with garbage. Because our inner space is cluttered, our inner clarity and in-born wisdom becomes distant and foggy. And essentially, we loose touch with that part of our inner selves that is sacred, and wise, and peaceful, and eternal.

The distractions that we’ve declared as urgent and important, such as watching TV, updating our facebook and myspace and twitter pages, checking email, gossiping on the phone, loading mp3s on our music players, etc. all pull at us. They all pull at our attention, distracting us away from the things that are truly important to us - things that will bring lasting happiness and fulfillment to our lives and the lives of others we have yet to come to know.

Whether we recognize it or not, the information that we expose ourselves to, fills our inner space on some level, and affects our emotions and desires.

And if we are not careful, we can easily rush through life, while spending our precious time on this planet focused on that which does not matter - and then wonder where did my life go? Why do I feel unsettled and easily irritated? Why do I feel unfulfilled and incomplete? And then we die wondering.

If you are here, breathing and reading this right now, then you have been blessed with this day, to wake up! Wake up and take control of your destiny, starting with what you focus on and allow into your life (regardless of your age).

Simple Guide to a Deep Inner Cleanse

One way to clean out the clutter in our inner space is by guarding the garden of our mind. Being conscious of what we allow inside, starting with our own words, thoughts and attention.

We may not be aware of this, but we spend so much energy on gossiping, bad mouthing other people, judging other people, finding faults in others, and consumed in negative thoughts like jealousy, guilt or fear, and making excuses to cover up how we actually feel. I know all this sounds really bad and exaggerated when it’s all laid out like this. But if we truly observe ourselves, our thoughts and our words, we will notice that at some point of everyday, however subtly or unconsciously, we are doing several of these things.

I’m not pointing fingers, I can only speak from my own experience and confirm that this is true. Sometimes, the “violation” is subtle, like passing a negative judgment on a waiter at a restaurant, or becoming frustrated with a telephone customer service rep and wanting to call him a bad name, or making a little lie of an excuse instead of saying no.

It’s not that by having these thoughts or saying these words we become bad people. It’s just that these things become useless junk that clutters our inner space and does not contribute to our inner wellbeing.

Photo by Carlos Yepez (see him on flickr).

I had learned the following simple but incredibly effective technique from Swami Nithya Bhaktananda, spiritual counselor and direct disciple of Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji).

Follow these four rules to inner cleanse:

Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
Don’t say to anyone unless you can say to everyone.
Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside.
Don’t say unless it is true, useful or kind.

I will expand on each rule in detail. If you want, you can print a wallet size of the 4 rules here: PDF | Word Doc

1. Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

Part A: Say what you mean.

Have you found yourself making up excuses to avoid fully dealing with a potentially uncomfortable situation?

For example, your friend asks you to some social event. You don’t really want to go, but make up an excuse that “I can’t make it” or “I’m busy“, probably so you can quietly avoid something or someone or some activity.

Another example, someone asks you for a favor that you do not wish to comply to, but you feel guilty for rejecting him, so you either avoid that person (ie. Ignoring emails or phone calls), or create an excuse that isn’t really true (ie. I am out of town.)

It is not that you cannot do something, as your excuse suggests. The truth is that you have chosen not to do something, but the act of creating an excuse or avoiding it initiates a stir in your inner space, and it takes energy to maintain. Instead of stillness and peace, you are now holding onto and thinking about this little lingering “lie”.

When you are about to say anything, make a conscious decision to say the absolute truth, or what you actually mean. The absolute truth doesn’t have to be harsh or hurtful, you can do so compassionately and authentically, but firmly. When you own what you say, no one can reject it, even if they don’t like what they hear; because you are telling the truth and you mean it.

Part B: Mean what you say.

Sometimes we say things in passing out of obligation or habit that we don’t mean or intend on following through with. For example, we say, “I love you” to our parents or significant other when we hang up the phone, not because we mean it, but out of habit. The words comes so automatically now, that they start to lose their true meaning.

In another example, we will say, “I’ll call you soon“, “let’s chat soon“, or “I’ll call you tomorrow“. Or we offer to help, as parting words to a friend, and don’t intend on keeping that statement, but say it because it was easy and made the other person feel good.

We may think that these casual comments are harmless, but we know deep down that they are not true. They become little lies that we internalize, and over time they will develop into a guilty conscience that distracts you away from this moment.

Make a conscious commitment to yourself to mean everything that you say, and not to make empty promises that you cannot, will not, do not intend to fulfill.

2. Don’t say to anyone unless you can say to everyone.

Whether we admit to this or not, most of us love some form of gossiping (myself included). We are also quick to notice fault in others, and then talk about them with our trusted allies. Or we find out about someone’s misfortune and immediately we want to tell somebody.

I’m sure you can interject and include many examples from your life. But for sake of conversation, one example is: Jenny, at work, had an emotional fit and yelled at a co-worker today, and when we got home, we immediately told our spouse about the drama.

Another example, Pat was fired from his job, once we heard about it, we called or text-messaged our best friend Jane to tell her about it, or even exchange jokes about Pat, because we don’t like him.

In both examples, we cannot repeat the same things to everyone, especially Jenny or Pat. And if we really observed our inner space during and after we said these things, we wouldn’t feel very good in our stomach.

When we consciously observe such a conversation, we learn that we have accomplished nothing that feeds our soul. All we did was spread drama and created negative energy and inner conflict that polluted our inner space.

Make a commitment to yourself, that you will not say something to one person, unless you can announce it to the world, to everybody. Make a commitment to stop the spreading of drama and bad energy.

3. Don’t say inside, what you cannot say outside.

Most of us are extremely critical of ourselves. Because we would never tell the world what we say to ourselves, in the privacy of our mind, we believe that we are the only ones affected by negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

When something doesn’t go perfectly, we are first to blame ourselves, criticizing what we did wrong, what we didn’t do perfect enough, what we missed.

We all have inner chattering, but problems arise when we start to believe in our inner chattering, such that false beliefs about ourselves are formed. These false beliefs become detrimental to our spirits and future wellbeing, unless we do something to unlearn these beliefs.

Next time, you hear the voice in your head say “I’m stupid” or “I’m not good enough” or “I am a failure” or other related self-defeating thoughts, recognize that it is not you. You could verbally say, “That’s not me! That’s not true!” and even declare the following to this thought,

“From today forward, I choose to let you go, for you are no longer serving me. I am exposing you, for you are not real! From today onward, I am free from you.“

The basic premise of the third rule to inner cleanse is that, whatever thought you are not able to say out aloud to people (anyone), don’t even bother entertaining inside your head. Keep your inner space clean.

4. Don’t say unless it is true, useful or kind.

Some people have so much inner chatter that it spills out of them in the form of useless speech.

Observe the people who talk on buses, or love to chitchat at work by the water fountain. If you observe and count the number of things they say that are actually useful or truly interesting, it would be a low number.

Not only is this distracting for those around this person, it takes an enormous amount of energy for this person to keep talking. Recall the last time you talked for a long time about something random, and how drained you felt afterwards. Plus, the more useless things we say, the more useless things we feed back into our head.

If you feel that I’ve described you, don’t feel discouraged. I’ve been there too, and can contest that it is possible to quiet down.

Some people practice sabbatical days where they don’t speak at all, or read, or use the computer. And at the end of such a day, they feel a tremendous sense of peace, space and energy bubbling inside them.

Be conscious of what you say and only say it if any of the following is true:

Is what I’m saying …

True to me? An authentic statement from my heart?
Useful or helpful to someone or some situation?
Kind or compassionate? Such as a compliment, or an offer of help?

Parting Words

This post was born out of 4 simple sentences someone gave me a few months ago. After practicing it in my own life, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you give this simple 4-line guidance a try for 21 days, you will notice a beautiful inner transformation - from noise to stillness, from chaos to clarity.

It may seem difficult at first, but do it consistently and consciously for 3 days and it becomes much easier after that. Extend it to 7 days, and then to 21 days. Please do not kick yourself for slipping on the rules, it happens, let it go.

After some time, observe how your outer world changes, as your inner world is transformed. Please come back and share with us.

One more thing: Let your heart guide you. Trust it, and listen to it.

(Again, you can print a wallet size of the 4 rules here: PDF | Doc)

Editor’s Note: Speaking of slipping the rules, while Jeremy was editing this article, he stopped at one point, to colorfully curse out the upstairs neighbor for making loud bizarre noises. Then we both looked at each other and laughed at the irony. Another lesson learned.

If you enjoyed the article, please join TSN on facebook (add Tina here) or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

* Share your thoughts and story with us in the comment section.
See you there!

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

External Resources:

Book: Living Enlightenment (Condensed version)
Book: The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari
Book: The Power of Now

Overcoming a Rough Week

Ralph Jean-Paul — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 15:59:10 +0000

Photo by Carlos Yepez (flickr stream).

By Ralph Jean-Paul

We all have bad days, but have you ever had one of those weeks when it seems everything is going wrong?

Monday, your alarm didn’t ring and you were late for work. Tuesday, your car broke down. Wednesday you lost your credit card. Thursday was your annual review and your employer informed you that, due to the economy, the company is not issuing raises this year. By the time Friday arrives and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you get a ticket for speeding. How do we handle a series of setbacks and bad news?

I recently had one of those weeks where it seemed that anything that could go wrong - did go wrong. The natural reaction most people have when the walls begin crumbling is to crumble right along with them.

I have developed a habit of not letting outside circumstances consume me. I have learned in the past that the events in your life do not determine the course of your life. Rather, it is your reaction to those events that will determine the quality of your life, and your life direction. In other words, it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you react to what happens to you.

Most of us can experience certain negative events and dismiss them. But when negative events seem to happen simultaneously - as they often do - they feel suffocating and impossible to overcome. This is when thoughts of giving in to that feeling of helplessness seem to evade the mind.

With the state of the economy and many people losing their jobs and homes, many of us feel powerless. But the truth is that there are many things we can do to help us cope with, and even change a bad situation.

My Story: “Did I Break a Mirror?”

I rolled out of bed Monday morning expecting my first week back at work to be a continuation of my everyday life. I had enjoyed my vacation week, but now, it was back to work. I spent the vacation reconnecting with friends, relaxing, and celebrating my 30th Birthday. I was refreshed and ready for a productive and fulfilling week.

I had a feeling that my week was going to be challenging when I opened my email on Monday and read that one of my employees will be out for a week; meaning that time sensitive assignments would not be completed until she got back. Also, because technical issues prevented me from updating my blog, my web traffic took a nose dive. Things began to get worse from there.

At the monthly staff meeting, we were asked to be patient during our merger with another company. We were also told to be prepared for some changes. We knew that “be patient” meant they didn’t know what was going on, and “changes” meant people were going to lose their jobs.

On top of that, a potential business partner suddenly stopped returning my emails. More bad news followed. A good friend and one of the nicest people I know, was moving out of the country.

To add insult to injury, someone dented the passenger side door on my car, my Blackberry started malfunctioning, and NBC cancelled My Name is Earl. All of this happened in one week!

“Did I break a mirror or offend a leprechaun last week?”, I thought.

After a brief pity party, I came to my senses and decided not to let those events determine my quality of life. I developed a plan to bounce back and regain control over my life.

Why We Must Bounce Back

There’s power in the overcoming of obstacles. Knowing that you have the ability to recover and survive the trials and tribulations of life, is a redemptive feeling. We must realize that we do not have to be victims of things that are happening around us. We are more likely to take more risk and act with courage tomorrow, if we are able to conquer the conditions of today.

Letting our circumstances consume us can lead to a false view of our life experience. Some who are unable to recover from the trying times of their lives begin to develop negative beliefs. I’ve heard people say “God just has it in for me” or “I’m just unlucky“. This mindset renders us helpless and unable to act in a way that changes our circumstances.

Being unable to cope with life’s obstacles can also affect our health. Depression and alcoholism can many times be rooted in a person’s inability to deal with the outside world. Since the outside world seems to deal multiple crushing blows, one after another, they look for an escape or close themselves off from the outside world.

Our relationships suffer also if we are unable to bounce back. We tend to isolate ourselves from the people around us. Some people carry anger and resentment inside and it reflects in their everyday dealings with people. I’m sure you’ve run it to a person who seems to be mad at the world all of the time. For these reasons and many more, it is important that we begin to face and conquer life’s tough conditions.

Bouncing Back

1. Find your foundation

The life we live should stand on a solid foundation. The mistake that many people make is to value their life based upon their possessions or social status. You are more than what you own, you are more than your worldly titles. For some people, it is their spiritual faith, or creative passion, or a strong relationship with family and friends that serves as the foundation for their life.

Finding your foundation means rediscovering the things that are truly important to you; the things that make your life worth living. You may have a passion for music or art. Use your current hardship to rediscover what drives you. Use those expressions of yourself to remind you that life can be enjoyable.

2. The Ant Philosophy

In some of his speeches, author Jim Rohn often talks about the ant philosophy. Ants are remarkably persistent. If an ant is on its way somewhere, and you place your thumb in its path, the ant instinctively tries to find another way. The ant will try to go over, around, and sometimes through any obstacle. Giving up is never an option.

Have you ever seen an ant come across an obstacle, stop and quit as to say, “Why are things always getting in my way”? Instead, the ant believes that there is a way to continue on the path and it works until it finds it.

When things get tough in our lives, we have to adopt the ant philosophy. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, and letting the obstacle win, we must attempt to find another way to get on the right path. We must be persistent until we reach our destination.

3. Verbalize It

Humans were not designed to be isolated. We need each other in so many ways. One of the major mistakes that I made when everything seemed to be going wrong was I began to isolate myself and suppressed my problems. I thought that if I threw myself into my work, eventually I would feel better. That may help to improve some circumstances, but I still felt a bit weighed down by everything that has happening.

During the week, a friend called me and asked, “How’s everything?“

“Everything is stupid!” I responded, unable to fully articulate my frustration.

He laughed knowing that I had been having a tough week. After talking for a few minutes, I realized how good it felt to verbalize how frustrated I was with how my week was going. I’m not one to dump my problems on other people, but I learned that sometimes it is better to express it in words than hold on to it.

4. Wake Up Call

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache
carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit“
~Napoleon Hill

Sometimes, it is the painful or frustrating circumstances that trigger us to learn and make positive changes in our lives. With one of my employees suddenly being out, I found major flaws in the way I managed my team. Even the way I distributed assignments left room for disastrous results in the event that one person was unable to work. During this week, I recognized and fixed several problems with my management system, which I would not have done otherwise.

During this week, I was reminded that that my day job may be in danger, this triggered me to review how I could recover from potential economic setbacks. It had been about 7 months since I reviewed my recovery plan. I realized that many things had changed with my monthly income and expenses, and it was time to revise the plan.

5. Dwell on the Good

For some strange reason, our minds tend to dwell on the negative things. That is one reason the news media usually broadcasts bad news; they know that negative happenings draw more ratings and attention.

Last year, at a gathering, I met two women who worked for the local news station as reporters. When we were being introduced, I confessed that I didn’t recognize them because I don’t watch the news. To my surprise, one of them responded, “Good, it’s all bad news“.

Even though it seemed as though my life was filled with the negative, there were many good things that happened. For example, I attended a banquet where I got to see some old friends who I miss. Also, someone gave me a certificate for a free massage at a local spa. But instead of being thankful for the good things, I made the mistake of choosing to see and dwelling on the bad.

We should take the time to be thankful and dwell on the good things that come into our lives, however small or intangible they may seem. I sat down and created a list of all the things I appreciated from the week, all the happenings that I enjoyed and all the non-tangible gifts I’d received. The list helped me put things in perspective. It also reminded me that the good times will return; in fact, they’re already here, if we choose to look for them.

Learn from the Seasons

Yes, the good times will return. Most failures and obstacles are temporary but feel as though they are going to last forever. We must be subscribers to the fact that, just like seasons, bad times come and go.

Good things will eventually happen again and good things may come from your bad experience, if you choose to see them. A possible benefit to your hardship may be the potential opportunity to help someone else through their trials. It is hard to see the possible good when you are in the thick of it, but all storms must come to an end.

Spring is often called the season of opportunity and it conveniently comes after winter which is known for being harsh and desolate. The tough times will pass and in their place will be growth, and potential for great things to happen.

So, how was your week?

* Tell us about what you’ve learned through your week? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section. See you there.

If you enjoyed the article, please join Think Simple Now on facebook or follow us on Twitter. And we’d love it if you can share this article on twitter, thumb it on StumbleUpon or bookmark it on del.icio.us. Thank you for your support. :)

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

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Personal Change You Can Measure

Scott Young — Thu, 28 May 2009 16:37:51 +0000

By Scott Young

As we approach mid-year, are there any goals you had set at the start of this year that you want to make progress on? Here is a simple tool that can help you in becoming more productive and effective.

There is an old business adage, “what is measured, improves.” I believe that lesson applies, to not just your business, but also your life. If you measure something, you gain conscious awareness of it. If you gain conscious awareness, you increase your ability to control it.

Today is the third day of a week-long diet log I’m running. My diet log is simply recording everything that I eat for an entire week. Recently, I set a few fitness goals, and I wanted to ensure that my eating habits were matching my plan of action.

I measure more than just what I eat. I record personal expenses, how I use my time, what books I read and many other personal metrics. This may seem a tad obsessive, but I’ve found it greatly helps me in staying productive and reaching my goals. Besides, a little obsessiveness isn’t always a bad thing when it comes to reaching your personal targets.

Why Measure?

Reaching your goals is a delicate surgery. Now, would you like to do that surgery with a scalpel or a baseball bat? Measurement adds precision to your goal-setting efforts, and helps you see whether your efforts are on target.

The biggest reason to measure frequently is that people (which includes you and me) are self-delusional. The vast majority of car drivers believe their driving skills are above average. And if pressed in a survey, most people believe they are better looking than average. I’d also wager that, if you don’t measure, you probably underestimate how much you eat, what you spend money on and how much time you waste in a day.

These biases are unavoidable. The only cure is actually recording what you do to see if your mental picture measures up to reality. Personal metrics are an escape from the carnival house mirrors that twist and distort your life.

Another reason to measure is feedback. Feedback is incredibly important for growth. Some authors note that surgeons tend to improve more over the lifetime of their careers than do general practitioners. The reason is that surgeons have access to immediate feedback for every decision, which enhances their skill. Whereas, the general practitioners must wait weeks or months before receiving feedback on whether a diagnosis was correct.

By measuring, you gain access to more immediate feedback. Is your new diet working? You can find out whether you’re eating too many calories on a daily basis, rather than waiting a month or two to see if the pounds shed away. Is your new routine successful? A daily time log and productivity analysis can help you measure your output per hour of work.

Immediate feedback allows you to make quick corrections. I’m conducting a diet log so that I can see, with relative accuracy, whether my current eating habits are in line with my goals. Without doing a log, I can only guess and hope. That’s the difference between using a scalpel and a baseball bat to reach your goals.

Isn’t Measuring Time Consuming?

Instead of that question, I pose an alternative question: “Isn’t sloppily reaching your goals, time consuming?“

Still, I suspect many people are hesitant to jump into the deep end of personal metrics because it becomes one more thing they need to do each day. The good news, however, is that this really isn’t necessary. There are two ways you can add more regular measurement to your life without it becoming a distraction.

1. Habitual Measuring

The first way to make measurement painless is simply to create a habit. If you measure something frequently, you won’t even think about it. It will become a part of your routine. I recommend this approach when pursuing longer goals, where the measurement isn’t too intensive.

For example, I am currently in the habit of writing down all of my expenses. For the first few weeks, this required deliberate effort. However, after over a year, I barely think about the habit and it consumes only a few minutes each day.

For those few minutes, I get precise information about how much money I’m spending and where the money is going. This helps me be smart when using my money instead of simply being cheap. I can see where my largest controlled expenditures are, and see whether these match my goals. For about an hour over the span of one month, I greatly increase my success with my personal savings goals.

2. Burst Measuring

The other approach to personal metrics is to record detailed information for a few days or a week. The total time commitment is negligible, and it can give you a lot of information when you’re trying out a new plan.

My week-long diet log is an example of this. I’m recording everything I eat for one week. This is too much detail and sorting to carry on permanently, but it’s fine to run for just seven days.

I like to regularly record myself for various metrics: food, time consumed, productivity, etc. Each time I record, I learn valuable information that allows me to make corrections into the future.

Time-logging

One way to get started is to keep a record of when you start or stop any activity throughout the day. Optionally, to simplify things, you may only want to record the time from when you wake up until you finish your daily goals, completing your workday.

To do this, keep an index card and a pen with you at all times. Every time you switch tasks, even something like going onto the Internet during work or using the bathroom, make a quick note of it on your index card. Afterwards, you can enter the data into a spreadsheet and sort it into categories.

There are two interesting findings I see whenever I do a time log:

The number of interruptions
The amount of time spent on each activity

Interruptions

When I first started time logs several years ago, the first point that became obvious was the number of times I interrupt myself when working. A phone would ring, or I’d use the washroom. In some cases, the interruptions would be a few per hour.

I don’t need to explain to you the problem of frequent interruptions. Interruptions break your concentration, lengthening the amount of time you need to work. I love my work, but I don’t want to spend eight hours to accomplish a task that should only take three. Interruptions are a major cause of this.

But, unless you get some data regarding the amount of interruptions you face, it’s hopeless. Recording metrics can help you identify not only how much time is wasted from constant interruptions, but also what causes those interruptions. Knowledge gives you the power to fix those problems.

Time Allocation

Generally, if I do a time log, I will record the time spent on every activity of the day. This allows me to see where I actually spend my time. When I started doing this, I didn’t like what I saw.

I started to realize that the chunks of time I spent on mindless entertainment far outweighed the amount of time I spent on the things that matter most to me. I also realized that the things that added the most value to my wellbeing, didn’t really take that much time at all.

Time logging can be a reality check for many people because it forces you to acknowledge that you don’t spend your time in the way you’d like. But, with that awareness comes the power to experiment with new changes. With better knowledge of my time usages, I had more time for new activities like joining Toastmasters, learning to salsa and reading more books.

Diet-logging

Another personal metric to record is what you eat. This is a big source of self-delusion. Is that donut you ate a one-time treat, or actually a fairly regular habit? If you’re trying to gain muscle, are you eating enough clean calories and protein to reach that goal?

Even if you consider yourself in good shape and want a healthy lifestyle, diet logging is a good idea. It allows you to place a benchmark for your eating habits, to know whether or not you are living up to the standards you would like for yourself.

I don’t like to be too obsessive about what I eat. I want to eat tasty foods and not worry about number crunching every calorie or snack. I’m not suggesting you start to mash up and weigh everything before you consume it. Eating is not just about nutrition. It is also about enjoyment, socializing and experiences.

Recording what you eat doesn’t have to remove the gustatory pleasure you get from food. All it does is open up the option for you to improve the way you eat. If you have a fitness goal, this may be in changing what you eat to reach it. If you simply strive for healthy living, this will shine a light on your eating habits to see whether your menu is delicious and healthy, or simply fast junk.

Here are a few things you can do with the knowledge gained from recording a temporary diet log:

Reduce/increase calories. Do you need to eat 1800 calories a day to meet your health goal, then a diet log will quickly tell you whether you are going to reach it.
Change the types of food. See a lot of processed foods, fast food and junk food on your list? A diet log can expose your broader eating habits so you can make a shift.
Increase the variety of foods. Record for a week and see how frequently you eat the same meal. Life is meant to be an exploration so maybe you should broaden your menu?
Change the timing of when you eat. If you make a note of the time along with what you eat, you can see whether you are eating multiple small meals or one huge meal. Your blood sugar has a huge impact on your energy levels, so if you see large gaps or spikes of processed carbohydrates, that may help explain your fatigue levels in patches of the day.

Parting Words

Time, food and money are three ways you can become more conscious about your life, but there are many others. What you do depends on the goals you have and what you want to improve.

“What is measured, improves,” works in business because it focuses your attention on a key issue. When I measure statistics for my website or sales conversions, I’m gaining immediate feedback on all my improvement efforts.

Recording your personal metrics works the same way. By allowing unbiased, immediate feedback you can see any change of plan ripple into your measurements. If you’re going to spend hundreds of hours on a project or goal, why not spend a few minutes to see whether those hundreds of hours are being put to a good use?

** Which goals or areas in your life could benefit from being tracked on a regular bases? Any other productivity tips that help you stay on track? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comment section. See you there!

Editor’s Comment: I (Tina) track many life goals using simple logs and free online tools. In one example, I wanted to develop a spiritual routine that included rising at 5am, meditation, reading, contemplation and yoga, so I keep a simple chart in a notebook, where I record my progress for each day. When I’ve completed each of the activities, I would check it off for the day. The chart/log/table allows me to quickly see an overview of my progress, where I am at, and each checkmark builds momentum that encourages me to keep going. Overtime, the activities becomes habits. I keep similar logs for managing our personal and professional spending (using mint.com and google docs), and various metrics for this site; Both, I create and review at the end of every month. It’s true what they say, “What gets measured, gets managed, and thus improved.”

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

How to End Suffering

Tina Su — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:49:24 +0000

By Tina Su

“While pain might be inevitable,
the suffering that comes from the pain is not.
Suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind.
Suffering is your response to an event.
Whether you suffer or not depends
entirely on your reaction to that situation.”
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

Today, I will get (more) personal.

I’ve debated about whether or not to share this information in a post. It was a quiet battle between keeping my personal life somewhat private, and the intense desire to share the lessons from this important chapter of my life. In sharing, I’ve surrendered to my fear of being judged negatively by you - readers of Think Simple Now.

My husband Jeremy was married once before. During the early stages of our romantic courtship, he was simultaneously battling the lingering ends of an unsettling divorce (things got ugly and someday I hope to share the details of this tale with you - perhaps in a book). Suffice it to say, it felt like it was never going to end.

For about six months, my inner stillness was disturbed and stirred up by the negative feelings revolving around this event. My “pain body” came crawling out in full, front-and-center view, and stayed with me while causing unnecessary suffering.

Even when his divorce was finally over, I didn’t feel much better. The feelings of resentment and hate (however subtly in my subconscious) for his ex-wife remained for another three months after the fact - until two weeks ago to be exact.

This article isn’t about forgiveness or complaining about my own self-inflicted pains, but it is about personal freedom. The kind of freedom from the massive mountain of stories we’ve piled onto ourselves that result in suffering.

Are you experiencing anything that is causing you worry, heartache, resentment or stress? If so, continue to read and allow me to share the story of my new found freedom… and how I got there.

Personal Story

For the first six months, amongst the ecstasy of finding the mate to my soul, and the joy of deeply connecting with another human being, there was a part of me that felt a tremendous amount of pain.

As excited as we were for having found each other under extreme circumstances, the pending divorce hovered overhead, and a battle for money and properties continued without an apparent end in sight.

Part of me felt as if I was living under water - unable to breath - suffocating. An imaginary dark cloud hung over me, and it seemed to never leave. Even when I pretended that it didn’t exist, whenever I looked up, there it was, that dark piece of sky, high above my head.

Finally, six months later, the divorce was finalized, after Jeremy decidedly gave in, so as to quickly end the prolonged cycle of destruction and suffering.

Well, for me, the pain didn’t end there. From my perspective, here was a grown man who’d left an unfulfilling marriage, and lost nearly everything he had ever earned in his ten years as a working professional.

Here was a man who I loved and adored more than anything else. When I saw that he was being hurt, it hurt me too. The spirit of mother in me, of survival, wanted to protect and fight anyone threatening to hurt my family. I was like a walking cave-woman, minus the animal-skin skirt and wooden club.

To say that I was unwell and unbalanced is an understatement.

The Last Episode

Over the past few months, I have worked diligently at overcoming these negative emotions and associations. Through observing myself in dealing with the repercussions of this event, I have written about surrendering to pain, and ways to overcome resentment, and thought that I was over it…. until two weeks ago.

I have come to learn, that sometimes, change happen in stages. With each interval of self-initiated suffering, I’ve gained a new found understanding about myself, and am better able to get a grasp on my emotions.

Two weeks ago, being the appointed money manager for our household, I started mapping out our finances, and linking our individual accounts to financial planning software.

After several hours of generating reports, creating spreadsheets, consolidating accounts, and running numbers, I was exhausted and should have stopped working. But insisted on linking the last of Jeremy’s accounts. To my surprise, his employee stock portfolio had a balance of zero. After some clarification, I realized that he had lost the balance in the divorce settlement.

Suddenly, all those negative emotions I’d felt towards his ex came rushing back. I had allowed the cave-woman in me to take over once again, and I raged feverishly in madness - well, not literally, but emotionally and figuratively speaking.

I was upset! Justifications of why this was unfair appeared vividly in front of me. I allowed the stories of ‘reasoning’ and justifications to be repeated, and I ended up feeling worst. It was a negative downward cycle.

My months of practiced Zen-ness went flying out the window, and I had allowed my ego to over take over my bodily and emotional control. My stomach was tight, I felt unconsciously unaware, and I experienced a tremendous amount of pain. It was horrible.

Rising From the Last Episode

Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas

“The question is not how to change ugliness into beauty,
pain into pleasure, or misery into happiness.
The question is how to change the unconscious into conscious,
how to infuse awareness into ourselves and embrace reality as it is“
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

Like standing in quick sand, I felt myself sinking down. I wanted to overcome this, but something was pulling me down in my inner battle with my ego. I wanted the pain to end, yet part of me silently enjoyed and nurtured the pain, and wanted it to prevail. In the most extreme of moments, I felt that I was on the edge of despair.

The pivotal point came when I realized that my own pain had started to disturb the peace and joy of those living around me. Jeremy in his own expression of courage, embraced me in the worst of my emotional states, sat me down, looked deeply into my eyes and said the following:

You are so powerful. You can use your persistence and strength to get yourself out of this state.
You’ve worked so hard to learn how to handle these situations, now is that critical time to apply what you’ve learned. Now is the opportunity to set yourself free.
There is nothing I can do now to change the past. It is what it is. Everything happens the way they happen, remember?
Babes, why are you creating this pain for yourself?

His words were like water for my thirsty soul, re-grounding me, re-entering me, reminding me to bring awareness into the situation, to take conscious control of my actions by observing my mind with detachment.

I knew he was right, but part of me wanted to say, “No thanks, you’re wrong.”

I felt an inner resistance in me, wanting to justify my unconscious actions and self-torture.

To answer his question, “Why are you creating this pain for yourself?”, I replied, “Because it feels good. It satisfies my ego’s need to attach itself to problems. But deep inside, it doesn’t feel very good. My stomach feels tight.”

Part of my mind was still latched onto the unfairness of money lost, and clung onto that story with a tight grip. And then, it happened, Jeremy said the last sentence that finally unleashed the chain I had created in my mind.

He said, “I would pay a million, a billion dollars to be with you. I think about you throughout the day, and can’t wait to get home, every day. I love our family. I love our life together. What we have here is priceless. Why aren’t we spending our precious time on being together and celebrating our love? Instead, we are digging up and reliving the past.”

These final words shattered the last of the stories conjured up in my mind. I saw, once again the reality of the situation, and it became clear that I was latched on to the past, a fictitious past beyond my control that was causing me varying levels of fruitless suffering.

So stupid, I felt. Yet, I had learned an important lesson about pain and suffering on my journey to inner enlightenment and personal growth. In the end, it wasn’t stupidity, you see… I was simply unconscious.

I spent the rest of the evening journaling, sorting out my thoughts, extracting what I had learned, viewing it from multiple perspectives and giving the story my full awareness. After a few hours of introspective contemplation, I had spread over the pages of my journal, a clear view of the situation for what it is. I can fully accept the past for what it is, and recognize the gem within it.

The evening ended with me being in a deep state of gratitude, for having experienced this these past months, and thankful for Jeremy’s ex-wife - among other things, for being the catalyst to help me learn important things about myself.

Specifically, I had thanked her for being my teacher in disguise, her presence challenged me and pushed my emotional boundaries to limits I hadn’t known before. I wish her joy, laughter and love.

My head is finally out of the water, and I can breathe again.

Another Way of Looking at Pain

“Whether physical or emotional,
Pain is always born from resistance to the present moment.
It hurts because you carry the memory of the past.”
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

Socially, we’ve been conditioned to believe that emotional pain is bad, and that we should get rid of it at all cost. But what we often end up doing is suppressing it by pretending that it does not exist. We shuffle it under the bed, where others cannot see it, and go on pretending to the outside world that we have no pain.

My personal experience has been; that which we resist, persists. The more we suppress something, the more it will stick around, and affect our emotional wellbeing in the long run. Pretending that it does not exist does not make it go away, it just prolongs the pain for us.

Consider this: What if we treated pain as our friend, instead of our foe? What if we embraced pain, instead of continuously pushing it away? What if we viewed it as our teacher, instead of constantly avoiding it?

The biggest take away I learned is that pain can be a phenomenal teacher on our path to inner fulfillment. There is always something to be learned from every “painful” situation, always something to be discovered about ourselves. What if we just focused on the lessons, and simply move on, without wasting any energy on stabbing ourselves with suffering that solves nothing?

Another way to think about it, without extremely painful moments, we would never feel motivated to change, to better ourselves, to become the person we were destined to become, and to taste the nectar of life that is our birth right.

Think of all the major personal growth changes and shifts you’ve made in your life, were they not inspired by some painful episode that preceded it? Perhaps a painful breakup that taught you about self-love and strength, a rough period of financial instability that taught you about courage and the power of persistence, a period of painful depression that taught you about the miracles of love and possibility.

Pause for a moment, and answer these questions (on paper, please):

What painful episodes did you experience in your life that triggered profound personal change?
What did you learn or gain from this period that you are thankful for today?

Lessons Learned

Things I’ve learned (and re-learned) are:

Our thoughts create our reality. Our reality is conjured up by the stories we tell ourselves and others. What we think and talk about becomes our center of focus, and we miss seeing all the good things happening in our lives.
Constantly repeating the same thoughts causes us to believe in them, even if they were completely made up in our minds.
Suppressing the pain does not eliminate the pain.
Suffering is a choice, and happens when we cannot relinquish the past. The past is not real, it is only in the vivid imagination of our minds. Stop torturing youself, and surrender to the past. “It is what it is, and so be it.” Choose to liberate yourself, right now!
Pain can be a great teacher. Be thankful for it, and learn as much as you can.
Emotional pain is always the result of our attachment to our own perspectives. Our ego stubbornly sticks to one side of the story, and repeats this story in our head on a continuous loop - sooner or later, we start to believe it as reality. But it is not THE reality, it is just our reality, and one of many other possible “realities”. Have courage to view the other possible perspectives, and developing compassion for the other “sides” will help to bring peace and eliminate our own pain.
Ego loves pain and problems. It specifically looks for them when we are not conscious. Because those are the only things that can ensure its survival. Explode your ego, by shining the light of awareness on it. With awareness, we see that the story it has created is silly, unrealistic and unhelpful.
I had learned the influential power of the mind. When we drift away from conscious awareness, even for one day, how easy it was to be yanked away from the blissful and peaceful state we were in just a day prior. I must prioritize my day to do things that nurture my soul before anything else.
When I am feeling bad, my mind looks for more reasons to feel agitated, and I end up feeling worst.

Simple Solutions: What Can You Do?

Photo: Vadim Pacev

“If you become aware of something, you can get rid of it very easily.
If you are not aware of it, It remains with you.
The pain is a pain because it exists in your unconscious, not in your awareness.
Your fear of facing the pain allows it to exist and grow more and more.”
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)

I’m sure that the story I’ve described in this post is an uncommon one that you will (hopefully) not encounter. However, what was learned through this can also be applicable to other kinds of emotional pain that we all face in our daily existence.

Here, I will note a few pointers that you may find helpful for tackling your own brand of pain.

1. Awareness

This is the key to overcoming any kind of emotional pain. As the beautiful quote above summarized so eloquently, have the courage to face your pain and problems square in the face. Become the observer, watch how the pain manifests in your body, fully feel the feelings of its sensations, fully experience the pain.

When you finally surrender and allow the “pain” to flow through you, you will see that you are not harmed, but that a new space is created in you for healing and learning. When you fully experience it and accept it for what it is, it will no longer have power over you.

Imagine your inner space as a physical container, if you continue to resist the “pain”, it remains in your container and will even expand itself. It will come back to haunt you until you can fully accept it. Isn’t it true that the past keeps repeating itself, until we learn the lesson and move on?

When your container is filled up, there is no space for anything else to enter, including energy for healing, for change, for growth. When you face the pain, and fully accept it for what it is, the “pain” gets released from this container, and new space is created. By doing so, you also expand your capacity for love, personal growth and compassion.

From now on, whenever you find yourself feeling the pain sensation, stop what you’re doing, close your eyes and become the witness of the experience. Watch as you inner space transforms. Don’t let this moment pass, stop the suffering before it grows out of hand.

2. Journaling

Writing down your candid, honest thoughts can be deeply therapeutic, not just as a tool for healing, but a tool for discovering and understanding yourself.

When you are upset, start by writing anything that is in your mind, even if it doesn’t make sense. Get it out of your head! Write in detail what is upsetting you.

Once you get the negative thoughts out of your head, start asking yourself critical questions and answer them candidly (on paper, without editing). Here are some to get you started:

What is triggering this pain?
Why am I feeling this pain?
What do I gain by allowing myself to suffer? What does that get me? Why do I want that?
Is the person you blame physically and purposely causing me pain? Or have I created a story and put them in the blame seat?
Do I want this pain to continue? Yes? No? Why?
Why does part of me want this pain? What does it get me?
What am I missing out on by allowing this suffering to take place?
What will I gain if I am free from this suffering?
Why am I not accepting of it? What am I afraid of? What am I holding on to?
Am I focused on the past or present? If the past, what can I change about the past by allowing myself to be upset?
Who else are you hurting by allowing this pain to linger?

You can gain a lot of insight through this exercise. Start with these questions, and write freely, allow your inner wisdom and conscious awareness to guide you through the process to gain clarity.

3. Gather the Lessons

You’ve been given a great gift through the present challenge in your life. And what we once labeled as pain is actually a priceless experience to bring up some deeply buried issues within us. Now that it’s out in the open, we can deal with it and remove it completely.

In your journal, list out all the things that you’ve learned. What did you learn about yourself? What did you gain? How did it benefit you?

4. Gratitude

Gratitude almost sounds cliché and overused these days, but it still stands as a powerful and underestimated ancient tool for fulfillment. By focusing our attention on the countless things we could be grateful for but take for granted, it opens up our heart space and allows love to enter.

In your journal, after you’ve exhausted the questions above, list out things you are grateful for that you have in your life. Focus on what you have now. Also, be thankful for the lessons you’ve learned, and things you gained as a result of this experience.

Side note: I like to do this simple meditation (inspired from Sufism) before I sleep. As I lay in bed, I focus on every part of my body, lovingly thanking it for its hard work and what it provides for me. I start with my feet and move up to the details on my head. We tend to appreciate our body when parts of it stop working, why not start now to encourage it to function healthily? Anyways, I always end up falling into deep sleep, feeling content and fulfilled with having been blessed with so much. And I wake up feeling the same sense of calming presence. Try it for yourself, tonight.

5. Accept the Past

Our future is constructed with the fabric of our present. And if our present focus is constantly colored by memories of our past, our future will only become a repetition of our past.

If we truly want our future to be different and better than our past, we must consciously choose, right now, to change our relationship with our past, and to focus on the present and the good in our lives.

If you don’t want to experience any more pain as a result of an event, stop telling people about it, stop repeating it, stop spreading it. Deal with it consciously and move on.

Change your thoughts, change your language, change your patterns; they will change your future.

6. Write a Letter

If your present “pain” psychologically involves another person, I found it extremely helpful to write a letter addressed to that person. Your goal isn’t to send the letter, but speak as if you were speaking/writing to them, for the sake of healing yourself.

In the letter, be truthful but compassionate. You may consider including some of the following points in your letter:

Forgive them
Apologize
Share with them what you’ve learned
Wish them good things
Come clean with what things you have not said to them
Thank them
Date, time stamp and sign the letter with a kind ending remark

The process of creating this letter can be a glorious experience. Do it in your journal, it is for no one else to see.

Remember, not being able to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. This is for you. Take it seriously and do it authentically.

7. Be Gentle

On our path to personal growth and emotional mastery, we will experience moments of slipping back to our old ways of thinking and doing things. And the realization of this can be incredibly frustrating. I understand and empathize.

Please, please remember to be gentle on yourself when this happens. Congratulate yourself for having had the awareness and insight to recognize it, and that it is a sign that you are making forward progress.

Don’t put yourself down either, by saying things like “I’m a slow learner”. No, if that’s the case, we are all slow learners. Why are you putting us down too? I personally slip all the time, and have to forgive myself on almost a daily basis. It’s okay, it happens.

Parting Words

Before we part, I wanted to thank you for reading this far. For those of you inspired to make some changes, to liberate yourself from the suffering in your life, I applaud you for your courage, and I am excited for the amazing transformation you’re about to witness. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

* What did you learn? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section. See you there!

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

External Resources:

Book: Living Enlightenment
Book: The Power of Now

The 4 Hour Workday

Scott Young — Wed, 06 May 2009 17:40:00 +0000

Photo: stock photo

By Scott Young

How to complete a full workday by noon? Sounds impossible, right? But on many days, by 12 o’clock, I have completed work that should normally take eight hours. And I don’t wake up at 4 a.m. to achieve this.

Actually, finishing everything by noon isn’t too difficult. If you add up all the time you spend procrastinating, distracted, or tired at work, it would probably make up half of your day. If you eliminated this wasted time, ending your day at noon wouldn’t be hard.

The problem, of course, is in the actual elimination of all that wasted time. A lot of productivity advice looks like simplistic dieting advice (”Eat less!”). Unfortunately cutting that wasted time is the tricky part. However, by making a few simple changes in your approach, you can make it far easier to cut the fat.

Don’t Pay Yourself by The Hour

If you view work as something that starts at 9 and ends at 5, you won’t be able to finish everything by noon. When you evaluate yourself for time spent working, rather than work completed, procrastination is often the result.

If you read the headline for this article and thought it was a scam, you probably suffer from this problem. Finishing by noon feels like cheating when you’re supposed to put in an eight hour workday. Unfortunately, it’s that attitude that causes you to procrastinate and stretch work out to keep you occupied until 5pm.

The solution is to stop paying yourself by the hour. Sure, you may continue to bill your clients by the hour. Or, your boss may continue to pay you a wage, and expect you to stay in the office until 5pm. But, that doesn’t mean you need to pay yourself that way. If you reward completion over input time, you will have a lean schedule.

In knowledge work, time input isn’t the point. As a writer, programmer or engineer, your value comes from your output. The end customer doesn’t care how many hours you spend behind your desk on Facebook or Twitter. Ultimately, your output will be what counts for your boss, clients or customers.

If You Work at Home, Never Work 9-5

If you are in a typical office environment (that rewards punctuality over performance), it will be harder to get your workday in before noon. Tim Ferriss - in his book, The 4-Hour Workweek - has some great suggestions for talking your boss into letting you work less, if you are more productive. If corporate policy chains you to your desk until late afternoon, I’d suggest you check out his book.

However, if you work at home, you have no excuse. Scheduling an eight-hour workday is wasting precious hours from your life. If you change how you evaluate your efforts, finishing eight hours of work in 3-4 hours is probable. You might even be able to increase your total output while reducing the amount you work.

Some people, however, don’t get it. I had a friend who owned an online business. He told me he had been working over ten hours each day on a new product. He said this without exaggeration, and I would say he honestly believed he was working at every possible moment.

However, even by judging his online activity, I knew something was wrong. He still had time to write long forum posts online and write lengthy emails. He made the mistake of judging his productivity by the amount of effort he was putting in, instead of results. Although it would have been less sympathetic, if he only worked five ultra-productive hours and rested for the rest of the day, he would have been more successful and less stressed.

How to Pay Yourself for Work Finished

I have a few productivity tricks I use to help remind myself of the “pay for completion” approach. The first I call Weekly/Daily Goals:

Weekly/Daily Goals

This is the core of my productivity system and it’s my key attack method to finish a full day’s work by noon. The idea is simple: at every point in the day, you keep two lists. The first list stores every task you need to complete that day. The second list stores every task you need to complete that week.

When you’ve finished all the tasks on your Daily Goals list, you’re done. If that happens at 11am, then congratulate yourself and go have a beer/coffee/tea/chai/nap. If that happens at 9pm, then put on another pot of coffee and keep working. Your day ends when your work ends.

This sounds obvious, but it is not how most people work. It is far more common to see someone finish at 11am, and then start working on another task. Or, after reaching 6 or 7pm in the evening, they give up and call it a day.

Instead of pay for completion, most people try to fit in eight hours. When they finish early, they add more. When they finish later than planned, they quit. Pay for completion is easy to preach, but pay for time wasted is more frequently practiced.

Keeping a list of daily goals puts only your work between you and relaxation, instead of some arbitrary amount of time for the day. Not a minimum amount of effort, just your most important tasks separate you and the finish line. This creates an incredible amount of motivation to cut distractions and keep the focus.

Why You Can’t Add More Work

If you finish early, the instinct will be to add more work. Unfortunately, you need to resist this urge strongly. The consequence of adding more work is that it defeats your system. The Weekly/Daily Goals system functions because you can’t add more work.

Imagine you are racing in a 400m race. If you pace yourself correctly, you should be completely exhausted by the end of the race. You will run as fast as you can within 400m.

Now imagine you were running a 400m race, but as you crossed the finish line, your coach yelled at you to run another 200m. If your coach did this frequently, you might start pacing your race to leave a bit of extra running energy for the end of your run, just in case you’re asked to run further.

The Weekly/Daily Goals system functions like the 400m race. If you keep adding on 200m whenever you finish quickly, you’re going to defeat the system. Instead of pacing your focus and energy to complete a particular set of tasks, you’re back to infinite to-do lists and ten-hour workdays.

Calibrating Your Weekly/Daily Goals

My productivity tripled when I started setting daily goals. But the disadvantage of this system is the irregularity. Some days will be light, because you accidentally under-scheduled. Other days will be incredibly hard, because you accidentally over-scheduled.

The solution to the irregularities isn’t to give up and go back to an unproductive pay-per-hour system. You simply need to calibrate yourself to the amount of work involved. As with anything else in life, you get better with practice and awareness.

Log Your Current Productivity

If you’re switching systems, the best way to calibrate is by keeping track of the amount of work you accomplish in a day. Quantify this into a metric you can easily use. As a writer, the best metric for me to use is the number of words I write per day, or the number of articles I finish.

Keep a daily log where you record the details of everything you’ve accomplished that day. At the end of the week, group up the different types of tasks and evaluate how much work was accomplished. This is your productivity baseline.

From there, you can set your daily goals to reflect this baseline. As a writer, I know I can typically write 3000-4000 words per day, or less if I combine this with non-writing work. By recording my current output levels, I can set my daily goals to match this amount. And I can make sure my daily goals list has at least 3000-4000 words of writing.

Why Bother Measuring?

If you know what your current productivity is in hard numbers it makes the switch to a new system more convincing. Without the hard numbers, you run the risk of feeling lazy when you finish early and take the afternoon off.

When I knew, from my old to-do lists, that I was accomplishing 2-3x more with this system than I had been previously, the choice to continue was obvious.

You can also use numbers like these to show to your boss. If I was an employer, I’d be happy if a worker could demonstrate, with numbers, how a new system had doubled their productivity, even if it meant they left the office early. And, even if you can’t convince your boss with the numbers, you can convince yourself.

Weekly Goals

The other element of my productivity system is keeping a list of weekly goals. The weekly goals list doesn’t need to remain as strict as the daily goals list. I find that the urge to procrastinate (and the motivation to work) stem mostly from the daily level, not the entire week.

The purpose of weekly goals is to ensure that everything you want to accomplish makes it to your daily goals lists. For years I’ve maintained a set of daily goals. It was only over a year ago that I decided to add a weekly goals list.

When you have just a daily goals list, some tasks are likely to be pushed off until tomorrow. That is, when you are planning your daily goals list, you may not include some tasks that you want to add into the next list. This form of meta-procrastination can be beat by having a separate list of to-do items for the entire week.

Finishing Your Entire Workday by Noon

Finishing everything by noon is just one benefit of using the Weekly/Daily Goals system. My goal isn’t to complete everything by noon. I use the system to get the maximum amount of work out of each day, so I can reach the goals I’ve set for my business. I love my work, so I use the Weekly/Daily Goals system to get more of it.

But I’ve also used the system to minimize the work I hate. If I’m doing work because I have to, not just because I want to, the Weekly/Daily Goals system works well. It allows me to finish work I would otherwise avoid or procrastinate indefinitely.

In some ways, the productivity difference is even more noticeable with work you dislike. If you enjoy work, it is easier to focus on it without distractions or procrastination. The power of the Weekly/Daily Goals system is that it forces you to get work done that you don’t want to do.

* What is your workday like? What can you do to make it more productive? Share your story and thoughts with us in the comment section. See you there!

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How to Find Beauty in Life

Jonathan Mead — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 17:40:50 +0000

Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas

By Jonathan Mead

Life is mostly made up of routines and patterns. Every day we act them out and they are what make up the bulk of our lives. Many of us live according to a socially acceptable template, within the realm of safety, while living repetitively and dreaming of ways to escape.

I used to revolt against these routines. I saw them as the enemy of adventure and of living a spontaneous life. However, I’ve found that routines can be quite blissful. I’ve realized that every day events and what we would commonly classify as “normal”, is often extraordinary if you just take a closer look.

I’ve discovered that even if you’re not exactly where you’d like to be, that doesn’t mean that life right now can’t be beautiful or enjoyable. And the best part is, you don’t have to do anything to make it beautiful. It already is beautiful.
All you have to do is open your eyes.

Seeing Things Differently

We are constantly surrounded by miracles, but we do not recognize them because they come to us so gracefully and seamlessly.

For example, have you ever thought about how many different processes have to be organized simply to create the experience you’re having right now? Imagine if all of that was a conscious effort. Imagine if you had to think about breathing, or think about listening to music. You don’t, it just happens. Isn’t that amazing?

Now multiply that by a trillion. Every breath, every movement, and every condition that’s creating the possibility for you to be alive right now is a miracle.

We often get inundated with our To-Do lists, or get caught up in the drama of things that aren’t really important. Realizing that beauty exists in every moment is possible; it simply takes a way of seeing things a bit differently.

Boredom due to routine is a creation of the mind. In reality, there are no ordinary or extraordinary moments. There is beauty everywhere. If you truly understand this, you can look at any ordinary object and find beauty in its existence. You can see a pile of rotting compost and realize that within that organic waste is the possibility of a garden of flowers.

I’ve found that there are a few easy shifts that need to take place, in order to create a state of constant awareness of how amazing life is. Most of the time we only catch a glimpse of how amazing things really are before we get sucked back into the monotony of our routines. We lose mindfulness.

In order to make awareness of beauty a permanent fixture in your life, you need to practice being mindful and aware. I don’t claim that practicing these principles is easy, but the benefits are worthwhile when we bring consciousness into our daily existence.

1. Practice Listening

One of the biggest blocks to recognizing all of life’s extraordinary moments is that we often don’t stop to listen. We’re too busy talking to ourselves. If we’re thinking all the time, we’re living entirely in a world of symbols. We’re living in a world of abstractions about reality; words that describe, label, and categorize things. This can be a wonderful tool for communication, but it can also be a curse when it gets out of control.

If we’re always thinking, we’re never in a relationship with reality. In order to become intimate with life, we need to listen. Imagine that every time you interacted with someone, you were the only one talking. There would be no communication, because you never gave the other person a chance to speak. It works the same way when you’re communicating with life.

Instead of thinking all the time and getting lost in your own thoughts, slow down and just listen. Put your focus on listening. When you find that you are drifting away in your own thoughts, gently bring your focus back to listening.

2. Practice Non-Judgment

Have you ever noticed that when you judge other people, it immediately puts you in a negative mood?

Usually, the judgments we make are because other people aren’t conforming to our version of the way we would live. Everyone’s values are different, and that’s what makes life interesting. While there are some justifiable judgments you can make, they’re still, ultimately, not worth it.

Compassion is a better vehicle for change than judgment.

The next time you’re about to make a judgment, try to practice compassion instead.

Let your feeling of needing to judge be a reminder for you to practice compassion. That way, your negativity will be transformed into peace.

Beauty is experienced through a state of peace, never through a state of condemnation. And yes, non-judgment also means to stop complaining.

3. Open Your Heart

If you’re like me and you’re pretty left-brained, you might be thinking, “Okay that’s nice, but how exactly do I open my heart?”

Opening your heart is a matter of accepting yourself and life as it is. It’s a matter of forgiving yourself and others. It’s letting go of all your resistance to the flow of life and the flow of circumstances.

If you want to take action to change something, that’s fine. But it doesn’t make any sense to resist what is already a reality. Surrender to this moment, accept things and people as they are, and your heart will begin to open.

Tips for Daily Living

What all of these things have in common is presence. The more you’re living in the present moment, the more bliss you allow to come into your life. If you’re always living in the future, always seeking something, you’re rejecting what Is - you’re never actually here to experience the miracle of life, right now.

If you can just practice these three things, your life will start to transform dramatically. You’ll begin to tap into your inner integrity and live authentically. You can’t live in acceptance and not be authentic. And if you’re living authentically, you naturally move into a state of bliss. See where this is leading?

The three practices I’ve mentioned above are the primary catalysts for opening yourself up to how wonderful life can be. There are, however, many other practical things you can do that will help you become more aligned with these principles.

Here are a few suggestions:

Find beauty in the little things. It’s amazing to me how when I stop the incessant mental chatter, and actually just see things, I am blown away by how beautiful they are. The trees swaying, the leaves blowing around on the ground, the waves crashing on the shore. The simplest of things have the most profound beauty. But you can only see them if you’re really there. If your mind is brooding, if you’re off somewhere else, you’ll completely miss them.
Embrace your artistry. If you think you’re not a creative person, I’m here to respectably tell you - you’re wrong. You couldn’t not create, even if you wanted to. Every time you open your mouth, every story you tell yourself about the drama in your life, is an act of creation. You’re constantly shaping, reinventing, and writing the story of your life. Once you recognize this, it’s much more powerful for you to see yourself as an artist, rather than a non-creative person. So the question is: What story will you create today?
Live without limits. Some limits are positive and necessary (like speed limits), but a lot of the limits we place on our lives block us from experiencing our full potential. Arbitrary limits, like fearing to reach out to a homeless person or talk to strangers, restrict the flow of love in our lives.
Realize that beauty can be found in the most mundane. Beauty is not always realized through a life-changing moment or a great epiphany. It’s not always hidden in a rainbow, in an earth-shattering orgasm, or found skydiving at 5,000 feet above the ground. Beauty is often found through looking into a newborn’s eyes, in the blooming of a flower, or in paint peeling off an old fence. It’s often where you least expect it.
See for the first time. Sometimes we get bogged down in schedules and obligations, and we lose our sense of wonder about the simple joys of life. Just quieting yourself internally and opening yourself up to an experience can allow you to view it again for the very first time. When you’re listening to music, imagine that you might have not been born with the ability to hear. When you reach out to touch someone, think about how many people don’t have use of their limbs. When you observe your surroundings, imagine you’re seeing color for the first time.
Live intimately with life. The next time you have a drink of coffee or tea, completely take in the smell and the flavor of the beverage. When you breathe, feel the air enter your lungs. When you walk, really feel the ground beneath your feet. The amount of beauty you experience in life is largely related to your level of intimacy with life. If you’re walking around disconnected, you overlook the wealth of artistry that is available to you right now.
Make your passion a priority. It’s easy to get wrapped up in doing all of the things that we think must get done. Wanting everything to be perfect gets in the way of having time for the things you really care about. While the errands and things on your to-do list might be necessary, it’s important to make the things you love a priority. If you have a hard time with distractions getting in your way, make a specific time during your day that is sacred, where you only do what you really want to do. Maybe it’s an hour of Kung Fu or Yoga in the morning before the rest of the world wakes up. Maybe it’s 30 minutes of Mahjong before you turn in for the night. Whatever it is, you have to make it a priority or it will get lost in the vacuum of the minutiae abyss.
Focus on the good. The reason still puzzles me, but we humans have a tendency to focus on the negative in events, circumstances, and people. We have a tendency to count our misfortunes and all the things that are lacking before we count our blessings. Make a habit of focusing on all the things you’re grateful for and you will open yourself up to experiencing the beauty of life.
Give something away. I’ve found that the best way to reconnect with how beautiful life can be is to give something away. It doesn’t have to be anything material. It can be a compliment, a smile, or a positive intention for someone else. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give is sincerely giving your presence.

This list is, by no means, exhaustive. These are just the things that have worked for me. Experiment on your own and take chances. Sometimes a deep breath or a smile at a stranger is all it takes to bring you back into a state of presence.

Closing Thoughts

It’s easy to get motivated to follow or chase a new provocative idea. Seeing the beauty in the “ordinary” sounds quite alluring. But like most things that catch our fleeting interest, our well intended desires get lost in our rush to get things done and keep up with the day to day business of living.

To make our perception of life being amazing a constant perception rather than a transient one, we have to slow down. It’s only through seeing the wisdom of slowing down, breathing and being present that we can realize how ridiculous it is to always be in a hurry. We may think we’re moving quicker, and getting more things done. But in doing so, we miss the point: to enjoy life now.

Only by slowing down and being here now can we make what we’re doing worthwhile. It’s in slowing down that we allow ourselves space to experience life more fully. We often go through life trying to eliminate and fill up space as much as possible in an attempt to “maximize” our time. But in the end, the exact opposite happens.

It’s through space that air fills your lungs. It’s through space that your body moves. It’s through space in the vibration of the air that sound is heard. It’s in the gaps between veins that blood flows. Without the space between these letters, there would be no words for you to read -it would all be incoherent.

In this way, you realize something…

Emptiness truly roars. Silence speaks. Space gives birth to form.

It’s in the gaps that beauty is found.

** Got tips for daily living? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section. See you there!

About the author: Jonathan Mead is a raw foodist, life coach, and prolific blogger. He is interested in unconventional paths to personal growth and advocates strange things like killing your goals. In his spare time he studies Jeet Kune Do and other ass-kicking strategies. He also wrote a pretty cool book, called Reclaim Your Dreams - An Uncommon Guide to Living on Your Own Terms.

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Book: Living Enlightenment
Book: The Power of Now

6 Steps to Eliminate Limited Beliefs

Tina Su — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:54:18 +0000

Photo: stock photo

** New: Audio:

(Intro: listen above or download mp3 file)

I consider myself a frugal person and I’ve always thought that it was a good thing. However, I recently discovered that, while frugality is a worthy and useful quality, the root of my own frugality is based on some limited beliefs that I’ve held.

It all started with the story of a little dell laptop, and the story went something like this… The computer I use every day is a five-year-old Dell laptop. It was originally my work laptop from Amazon.com, until the hardware lease expired, and I was allowed to purchase it for $68.

This little machine has served me well, but due to its nature (ahem - it runs on Windows) - its gradual decline in reliability and performance was noticeable (even after re-installing Windows and doubling the RAM). I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated by the need to reboot my computer at in-opportune moments, and the random crashes and slowness of Photoshop - which I frequently use.

Last week, Jeremy watched as I was hunched over my little laptop, frustrated once again by the slowness of its functions, hinting of the need to reboot. I cursed out loud, not wanting to reboot because I had too many browser tabs open; so I persisted, insisting that I could tough it out. He turned to me, and with a concerned expression, said, “Honey, let’s get you a new Macbook and an external display. I think you’re really gonna love it and you’ll be so much happier and productive.”

I have resisted converting to Apple for about ten years. My excuse was always that I couldn’t stand the keyboard differences. While this was somewhat true, it was also an excuse to stay within my comfort zone and to resist change. That evening, however, I reached a tipping point in my dissatisfaction with PCs, and decided to give Mac a try (while trying to ignore the resistance in my stomach).

So, Jeremy and his friend Dave took me to the Apple Store. Once inside, I immediately felt like a kid in a candy store, drooling over the sleekness of the machines and the beautifully minimalistic store design. We walked into the store with the idea of buying the cheapest laptop + display combo, but when I saw that the current generation of 23″ monitors have a glossy reflective display, I knew that it would distract me more than be a tool of inspiration and productivity.

Then we spotted it, the 30″ Cinema HD Display, which has a non-reflective matte screen and the higher price tag to go with it. The three of us gathered in front of the model display “oooowing and ahhhhing” at the enormous mass of aluminum beauty.

After playing with it for about ten minutes, pulling up Think Simple Now in the browser, and testing out Photoshop with great satisfaction, Jeremy proclaimed, “Babe, let’s get you this.” Dave smiled widely.

And then, it happened, I heard a peculiar voice inside my head say, “You don’t deserve it“.

I observed as the feeling glistened over me. While I was excited for and had always lusted over the Apple Cinema Display, I felt the guilt hover over me and turn the hope into shame, for even wanting it.

I felt sad and pathetic that I had picked this belief up somewhere along the way, and have been unconsciously carrying it with me, for god knows how long. Memories of my childhood began flashing in front of my eyes…

My Childhood: The Story of a Silent Belief

Growing up in communist China, my family was poor, and lived on a modest salary of 150 RMB ($18.75 USD) that my mother brought in every month. As a little girl, when I needed something, I always picked out the cheapest one instead of the prettiest one. Even today, my mother still tells the story - with tears in her eyes - of my five year old self, selecting the olive corduroy shoes instead of the red cotton ones, because they were 3 RMB ($0.37 USD) cheaper. And I still remember being made fun of by the other kids for what I wore to school.

The idea of not putting a financial burden on my mother became deeply ingrained in me and lasts to this day.

After moving to Canada, my family lived in the one room basement of someone else’s house. I never asked for what I wanted, out of fear that I was burdening my parents.

As I got older and became a teenager, fitting-in with my peers consumed much of my attention. I got into teen modeling, started making my own money and rejoiced that I no longer had to rely on my mom. I would go shopping and buy all the things I thought I missed out on; things that teenage girls wanted in order to secure their identity: makeup, clothes, and teenybopper magazines. Often, I would come home, and be scolded for having “wasted money” at the mall.

Somewhere in there, my five and thirteen year old self came to the unconscious conclusion and false belief that I didn’t deserve nice things.

Afterwards

I shared this belief and emotional discovery with Jeremy, and he stared into my eyes with great empathy and conviction and said, “If anyone deserves it, it’s you!” He continued with tears in his eyes, “Think of how many hours a day you sit in front of a computer, and think of the number people you can help if you are happier with your work station.” My heart melted, and a feeling of relief washed over me. He was right, but I still needed some time to let that sink in and start to believe it myself.

Recently, in an email exchange with a friend, she shared with me her recent discovery that she has always viewed herself as the “wacky sidekick”, and continued with, “I want to be the main character now. I no longer want to whine and complain about life. I no longer want to react to life, I want to be a partner with the Universe in creating the life that I want and am destined to live.”

Wow!

It became clear that I wasn’t alone; although our beliefs were different, they boiled down to the same issue. We all have conscious and unconscious beliefs about ourselves that either drive us forward or act like an unseen weight tied to our ankle. These beliefs either unleash our spirit or hold us back from our potential to BE and to live the best life possible, which is what we all deserve.

What are some beliefs holding you back?

Action: What to Do Now?

Note: If you are looking for results, don’t just read the following steps, actually do the tasks each step asks. It’s best to be somewhere you won’t be disturbed, grab a pen and paper, and let’s start!

Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas

1. What Are Your Beliefs?

Beliefs are mental notions and assumptions we have, about ourselves and the world around us, that we hold onto as absolute truths. They are emotional and psychological and often irrational. They are formed through our experiences and interactions with the world. Dr. Rao says that these beliefs make up our mental model. Others simply call them unconscious beliefs. They often do not serve us but rather hold us back from pursuing our dreams and living freely and fully to our potential.

Many of these beliefs were formed and accumulated throughout our childhood. We picked them up through our interactions with others - like when we were scolded for doing something wrong or not doing something the way our parents expected us to. A common resulting belief is I’m not good enough, which then bleeds into other beliefs that affect us during adulthood, like, I’m not capable enough or I’m not talented or I’m stupid.

Relationship based beliefs are also very common, because the events associated with them are often emotionally heightened and leave lasting impressions on our subconscious mind. If we got hurt early on in our dating career, we might end up concluding that we do not deserve a loving relationship, or associate that love is a cause for suffering.

On a piece of paper, write some beliefs you have about yourself and the world around you that you’ve come to accept as reality. Especially ones that you know are over generalized, and are no longer serving you on your path to personal wellbeing. Some of these statements may seem like you don’t actually consciously believe them, but if you noticed an emotional reaction in your body, then you actually do carry that belief with you.

Here are some common beliefs:

I’m not important
Making money is a struggle
I’m not good enough
I’m not smart enough
I don’t deserve it
I am too young, people won’t take me seriously
I am too old, it’s too late to start…
I am a hard worker. I work hard for money.
I’m pretty much doomed, I don’t have good luck, problems always follow me.

In other examples, here are some of my beliefs from the past (I no longer have them, however, I did carry them for many years until I realized that they were hurting me and limiting my potential to be happy):

Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind.
I am a bad writer.
I do not deserve a loving relationship.
I have to work hard to be successful, working without rest or having a social life.
I am not pretty enough. I do not deserve or am not able to find someone I am attracted to.
I am not a good engineer. They’re going to find out really soon that this is true.

I could go on for hours with a list of beliefs I have had about myself. It is something I now consciously watch for and have chosen to change about myself. I can speak from personal experience that unlearning these beliefs has served me well and I was surprised to find the abundance of goodness that was around me all along.

By brainstorming and writing these out for yourself, you become aware of them, and can choose to work on overcoming them.

2. Find a Counter Instance

Pick one of the beliefs from step 1 to work on and continue on with the remaining steps.

For your belief, look for one specific example where the statement is not actually true, where you did something or experienced something - even through someone else - that was not in alignment with your belief.

For example,

For the belief I am a bad writer: this proved untrue when I wrote (fill in the blank) article two years ago.
For the belief Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind: this has proven to be untrue in the case of x person’s husband.

This step introduces the possibility that there are flaws in this belief. As you go about your day, specifically look for examples that counteract this belief statement. For example, if your belief is “nobody likes me”, spend your day looking for “people who like me for who I am”.

If you are not finding an example after trying for ten minutes (please try!), move on to the next step.

3. How Has This Belief Worked Against You?

Think of all the instances where this belief worked against you, either kept you away from taking action towards something you wanted, or negatively affected you emotionally and thus affected other areas of your life - relationships, health, etc. How has this belief hurt me in the past? Write it down.

Change happens when we take action, and pain can be an effective motivator to catapult and accelerate our desire for change. When we’ve experienced enough pain, we will want change and will take action to make it happen.

Now, close your eyes and experience the pain you felt as a result of this belief. Visualize, hear, and feel the emotions of that moment. Make it as real as possible.

4. Find the Source

Dig deep into memories from your past - childhood, teenage years, early twenties or even last year - what instance or instances brought you to this conclusion? Be specific and write them down using as many words as needed to describe them.

Tip: it helps to close your eyes, and repeat the belief statement out loud. This triggers emotions that will assist in locating the events that contributed to its formation.

For example,

For the belief, I am a bad writer, I recalled an instance when a high school English teacher told me that my paper was poorly done.
For the belief, Good looking men are unfaithful or unkind, I realized that several ex boyfriends who were either unfaithful or unreliable or unkind were good looking men.
For the belief I am not good enough, I realized that I had formed this belief during my childhood years, when my mother would seem frustrated with me when I didn’t do certain things exactly the way she expected.

Close your eyes and visualize this scene. Re-live the scene and remember how it made you feel.

5. Alternative Meaning

The external event you identified in step 4 wasn’t necessarily responsible, on it’s own, for the formation of your belief statement. For example, just because my high school English teacher expressed dissatisfaction with one paper from a class 15 years ago, didn’t mean that I had to invent the belief that, “I am a bad writer”.

I believed this, because that was how I had interpreted the situation. I attached that meaning to the scenario. I had chosen that perspective out of the many possible perspectives that could have explained the situation. But at the time, I chose one, and attached myself to it.

Nothing has any meaning, unless we give it a meaning. The only power we can give to any external event or scenario, is the power we allow it to have on us.

Now, brainstorm for other perspectives that could also explain the external event you identified. It may be helpful to pretend you are other people, viewing the situation from multiple angles. In my example above, where I had concluded that, “I am a bad writer”, here are some alternative perspectives that may equally explain the situation:

The teacher was having a bad day.
The teacher had a different writing style than me.
I was really nervous while writing the exam, contributing to the poor performance.
Maybe it wasn’t my best performance, but it was an isolated occurrence.

Close your eyes and visualize the scene from step 4, except, view it from these new alternative perspectives. See that you are free to choose the meaning you give to the external event.

Now repeat your original belief statement verbally and examine how you feel. Do you now feel that your emotional reaction to the statement is reduced or non-existent?

6. Eliminate Beliefs

Photo: Kevin Russ

Step A:

(Guide Visualization: listen above or download mp3 file)

Close your eyes and once again visualize the scene you found in step 4 (a situation that contributed towards you forming this belief). Now imagine that this image in your mind has gone dim, as if someone turned off a light or two in the scene. Now visualize that the image is moving away from you, as if contained in a box that is being pulled away from you.

As the image moves away, see that it also becomes blurry. Continue to imagine the image shrinking until it disappears and all you are left with is darkness. Now, take a nice deep and long inhale, causing an audible exhale, making an - ahhhhhhh sound.

Step B:

Open your eyes. Now write down a statement that has the opposite meaning from your belief statement. For example, I am a great writer, I am deserving of good things, there are many good-looking men who are faithful and kind, I am a good person, etc.

Step C:

(Guided Visualization: listen above or download mp3 file)

Close your eyes, and see yourself living with this statement you just constructed. Imagine yourself as a great writer, typing away at your desk. See yourself walking around on a beautiful day knowing that you are a good and deserving person.

Look around at the details of this scene. What do you see around you? What do you hear? Touch something in your environment. How do you feel? Feel the emotions of that moment. Feel the joy bursting from your being. You are smiling. Now make this image slightly brighter, as if someone had shined extra light onto the scene. Continue to imagine this scene until you are satisfied.

How do you feel now? Try repeating your original statement. Does it still bother you in the same way? Repeat the process if you still feel an emotional reaction towards it.

Parting Words

One of the most profound things I’ve heard recently is from Morty Lefkoe, in his interactive (and free) video program on getting rid of I’m not good enough. In it, he uses a beautiful analogy; for every experience that we go through that results in a belief, we are adding new clay or defining details to make a clay person, and then we attach ourselves to this clay person, assuming that it is us. We forget that we were the hands that created the clay person.

Indeed, we are not our beliefs. We are not the clay person we have created. Remember that behind every belief, there was a source that did the interpreting, created the meanings and attached those meanings to the external event. This source is part of us - it is our consciousness. When our conscious experience is mixed with our ego, we get confused and start attaching ourselves to these otherwise meaningless events.

Remember, if we can create the clay person, then we have the power and capability to modify it. If we want to, we can change our beliefs and thoughts and actions and therefore, change the results. Thus, in a way, we are in control of our destiny.

Thank you for reading. I hope you can apply this in your life, and see positive results. Do come back and share your experiences with us.

* What are some beliefs that you’ve held? Share your thoughts and stories in the comment section. See you there!

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The Cry of My Soul

Tina Su — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:29:30 +0000

Photo: Simón Pais-Thomas

We had a blissfully fun time in Hawaii, filled with sun, laughter, and relaxation. It was truly an occasion of celebration for love and life. But in life, the opposite extreme also exists within the same time and space continuum.

Shortly after returning from our honeymoon, while still wearing our ear-to-ear smiles, we got news that my grandpa Lozier passed away on the day of our flight home, at the age of 95.

I was deeply saddened by this news and spent the next three weeks in silent mourning. Suddenly, all the problems created by my imagination seemed insignificant and petty, and I began to ponder my own mortality.

I reviewed the previous week, and regretted fighting with my mom in Hawaii. I regretted making her sad and angry with my immature and occasionally lingering teenage ways. I regretted not spending more time with grandma and grandpa Lozier. I regretted not spending more quality time with my parents while in Hawaii. I regretted all the time I spent thinking hateful thoughts about things I had no control over. I wished I could take it all back. I felt sorrow at the realization of lost time, and that I could never get it back again.

This is a record of what I’ve learned over the past few weeks in my pondering of life, death and regret.

Personal Story

Coincidentally, Jeremy had gone overseas for work during this time, and I spent these weeks in my own solitary retreat, reflecting on these emotions.

I had turned off the internet and the phone, and spent my time wandering between coffee shops and restaurants and parks, always with a book in my hand - usually fiction, so I could allow my mind to escape into someone else’s fantasy. I allowed myself to become absorbed with reading, people-watching, and thinking.

But when we are alone with our thoughts, our “pain-body” always finds a way to rear its ugly head and push the bad thoughts to the front. Despite things looking incredibly happy and positive for me, my mind wandered through thoughts of injustice, of guilt, of pain, and of the past which I could not change. What’s worst, my mind painted scenarios and stories that justified those heated thoughts that caused me the pain.

I struggled. I struggled with battling my own mind, my ego, and the reoccurring vision of injustice and regret.

And then it happened… I read a passage in “The Time Traveler’s Wife” that shook me out of the negative state I was in. It said:

“Everything happens the way it happens. Once and only once.”

“Ah!! It’s so simple!” I said to no one and everyone at the same time.

I closed my eyes and savored the words. I thought of each of the immediate problems that were bothering me, and repeated the sentence, as an application over the problem statement. And miraculously, it was the answer to all my “problems”.

A sense of peace washed over my Being. I smiled.

What I Learned

We love problems. Our ego thrives on problems. Even when everything is going as planned, we find a way to create conflicts, issues, and unhappiness in our own lives.

We allow our fears of the future and regrets from the past to consume much of our conscious attention.

We feel that we are unable to let go of grievances, of unfairness that we endured, of regrets. We feel unable to forgive someone who has hurt us, or seemingly took advantage of us, or who treated us unfairly.

We grasp onto these thoughts and hang onto them for “dear life”, yet simultaneously, they are causing us the pain from which we want to be freed of. It’s a vicious cycle, that takes us no where we actually want to be.

So what do we do?

The antidote that worked well for me was to ponder this sentence whenever my mind drifted towards a memory from the past that is causing me pain, “Everything happens the way it happens. Once and only once. And there is nothing I can do to change it. It is what it is. Life is short, I don’t want to dwell on this anymore. Let’s move on!“

This moment is all that we have. This moment is the only thing that is real, and in this moment, life happens. Let’s not pollute this moment with our past, which is no longer here.

“But wait, I do want to be happy”, you may say. Great! Then let’s stop dwelling on the past!

I am learning that there is no such thing as a mistake, rather everything that’s ever happened is part of our experience in this life, and it contributes towards our growth and development. Everything is the way it is, and it’s beautiful. Accept and allow the past to be.

What Can We Do?

Photo: Cindy Loughridge (flickr stream)

1. Forgive

“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds
on the heel that has crushed it.“
~ Mark Twain

Forgiveness isn’t to “let them off easy” for the people you hold grudges against, but a gift to yourself, to allow the healing process to start. Nobody will benefit this more than you. And by you being well, you will spread the fragrance of wellness, compassion and joy to others who come in contact with you.

Being unable to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It pollutes our inner space and disturbs our inner stillness.

It’s easy to say, but much tougher to act upon. It’s true, but it doesn’t mean that we should give up trying, and continuously working on our ability to forgive others, and ourselves.

Forgive our family members, forgive our ex-lovers, forgive our ex-friends, forgive those scenarios that didn’t go our way, forgive those strangers who may have unknowingly hurt us. Know that by forgiving them, we are liberating ourselves to enjoy a happier future. We have nothing to prove. It’s not worth it.

Deepak Chopra has a guided meditation CD that includes the forgiveness process. If you are having a hard time doing so on your own, I recommend it.

2. Death Bed Exercise

A better way to spend our energy, I believe, is to focus on something that we do want. If you found out that you were going to die tomorrow, or within the next month. Would you still be holding on to your regrets, resentments and problems? Won’t they seem petty in comparison?

Grab some paper and sit down somewhere you won’t be disturbed or disrupted. Close your eyes and imagine that you are on your death bed, you can’t move, you can’t speak. Knowing that you only have a day or two left, and then you’re gone forever. Make the images as real as possible, and feel the feelings of being in that position.

Now, imagine all the things you might regret not doing in your life time. Write them down, as fast as possible, without editing. Alternatively, imagine all the things you are grateful for from your life (things that your older self has experienced), things that are most important to your older self, during the last stages of your life. Write them down.

In your current state of consciousness, these are the things most important to you. Make these your priorities, and focus on these things, instead of things from your past that haunt you and hurt you.

3. Follow Your Heart

Create time for yourself, every week (everyday if you are brave) to spend on something you are passionate about. Do something that expresses your creatively, or something that you enjoy quietly. Listen to your heart and follow its whispers of desire.

Take up drawing, acting, dancing, cooking, singing, jogging, music, photography, or writing. Learn a new language you’ve always been curious of. Get lost in a wonderful book. Work on a project that aligns with what you want to see exist in this world.

And if you don’t know what your passions are, don’t worry, create the time anyways, and with enough exploration, you will be sure to fill that space with something that expresses yourself. Trust me, in time, you will find your passion. In the meantime, to do something that feeds your soul.

4. Visual Cues

Momentarily, I find myself slipping and giving into the allures of my mind and pain-body. Please be patient with yourself when this happens. It’s okay to fall backward sometimes, as long as you are moving forward as a whole.

I found it helpful to post visual cues around the house to remind me of the power I have in shifting my emotional state. I have printed and posted the following on my wall near my desk:

“Everything happens the way it happens. Once and only once.

And there isn’t anything we can do to change it. Accept the past as the past, and accept that everything happened which serves us for a happier future.

Let it go.“

Find a quote or a saying that you connect with, and helps to ground you to the power of the present moment. Either post it on a wall where you can see it, or put it on a small card and carry it with you in a journal or wallet.

Parting Words

Life is a journey of experiences, of learning, of growth, of loving, and ultimately, of contribution. But among the hectic demands of daily life, we forget why we are here and what matters to us most. Our judgment becomes clouded, and we forget to connect authentically and intimately with others. We forget to find meaning, we drift away from our passion and we forget to live in Joy.

Sometimes, life takes a traumatic turn before we are shaken awake, and become reminded that we won’t live forever, that our time in this physical body is limited, and to reflect on questions like; What can I do to contribute to this world? What do I want to leave behind? How do I want to spend my time? Can I forgive this person in order to end the suffering for myself? How can I make every minute count?

** What is most important to you? What thoughts are running through your head that are causing you to suffer? Share your stories and thoughts with us in the comment section. See you there!

In loving memory of Augustin Lozier, 1914-2009.

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A Guide for the Overwhelmed

Ralph Jean-Paul — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:11:35 +0000

Photo: Akasha Rabut (flickr stream)

By Ralph Jean-Paul

Have you ever found yourself in a scenario where you had multiple deadlines, a long list of unfinished tasks, past due bills coming in the mail because you had forgotten to pay them, a rented copy of The Office Season 4 DVD that was due 9 days ago, and family, friends, and bosses asking you to do more? What can we do to gain back control of these chaotic and stressful situations?

We live in a world that is becoming increasingly busier. Things are moving at a faster pace and we are forced to move right along with it. More is required out of the average person than ever before. The benefit of our advancing society is that we are able to reap abundantly more than our grandparents would’ve ever imagined was possible. The downside is that we are often overwhelmed by the number of things that we are responsible for and that are required of us.

Sometimes the feeling of being overwhelmed doesn’t come from the actual tasks and responsibilities we have but from the mental clutter that occupies our minds. For example, if you are at work and you start to mentally run through all of the things that need to get done once you leave the office; you need to get on the phone to reschedule a dentist appointment, pick up your kids from daycare, pay the electric bill, and then take your car to the auto shop, then you’ve already added to the pressure of those events by running them over and over in your head.

Another example would be a person who is nervous about giving a 15 minute presentation. The hours and hours spent anticipating and worrying for days beforehand adds to the stress level, which may inevitably cause the feeling of being overwhelmed.

So, how are we supposed to handle these overpowering situations? I believe that we start by asking ourselves some very important questions, then answering those questions honestly.

Personal Story: “How Did I Get Into This Mess?”

I thought I had my year all planned out. In mid December, I set my goals for 2009 and mapped out how I planned on accomplishing those goals. The plan outlined the action steps in order to accomplish my financial, physical, relationship, and spiritual goals. Then I looked at what projects I had committed to and saw that even though I was taking the lead role in two of them, I had good people around me that were more than capable of doing a great job, which in turn would make my job a breeze.

From there, I looked at the speaking engagements that were scheduled for the year and saw that I had plenty of time to prepare great presentations. I even hired an assistant just in case I needed additional help with my workload. I keyed all of that information into the organizer function on my Little Magic Device (my Blackberry), and pressed “save” with a smile. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and I was sitting on a park bench by a lake.

“Life is good”, I thought to myself.

However, not even two months into the New Year I found that I already had more on my plate than I anticipated. My leadership projects where riddled with unexpected obstacles, I was working longer hours than I originally planned, and deadlines where closing in.

With all of the busyness that I was dealing with on my major projects, other important goals started to fall through the cracks. Instead of keeping a healthy diet and getting at least 7 hours of sleep every night, I frequented the drive-thru window and stayed up late trying to meet deadlines. Even my assistant was working late to complete tasks that I no longer had time to do.

“How did I get into this mess?” I asked my Blackberry, expecting an answer.

Disgusted with the way I was handling the situation, I devised a plan to shake off the defeated feeling and regain control of my life. I knew that I had to snap out of the rut I was in. By becoming overwhelmed, I knew that I was not doing myself any favors.

I started by asking myself some important questions that needed honest answers. They were:

Did I anticipate the unexpected?
Have I agreed to do more than I am capable of?
Are the goals that I have set for myself clearly defined?
Am I mismanaging my time?
Am I doing things that are the responsibility of someone else?
Am I spending time on unimportant things?

Asking questions like these can help us see where the breakdown in life management has occurred. It is also beneficial to ask the people around to answer some of these questions about us. Once we’ve answered these questions, we can then tackle the horrendous feeling of being overpowered by our circumstances.

How to Overcome the Feeling

Feeling like we are overwhelmed and actually being overwhelmed are basically the same thing. Some people have multiple projects that they cannot handle. Others may have one task to do that seems so large it appears overpowering. Either way, the person maintains a feeling that renders them feeble and thus unable to perform at their best.

Photo: Vanessa Ho (buy her prints here)

Before we can regain control of our lives, we have to learn to handle that overwhelming feeling. There are several ways to handle the crippling feeling of being overwhelmed, here are the best ways I’ve found to combat this terrible emotion.

1. Stop Everything

The world around us and almost every product and service in it is developed to keep us moving. We have smart-phones, drive-thru espresso, instant everything, and lightning fast internet connections. The marketing strategy behind all of these is the promise that your life will be easier and you’ll have more time for the important things.

Even with all of these advances that are supposed to make life easier, we are still busier than ever. Before we can take back control of our lives, we need to stop the life we are currently living for a moment and re-adjust ourselves. Don’t check another email, or take another phone call, or do anything else until we’ve stopped everything and re-examined our situation.

2. Prayer and Meditation

Meditation is conscious relaxation and is an extremely effective way to increase focus and address the problems that you may be dealing with. Clarity of vision is vital, regardless of what we are doing, or in which direction we are headed. Sitting quietly for 30 minutes in the morning or evening gives your mind and body a time to relax and relieve tension.

Whenever you feel the overwhelming tension, close your eyes for 5 minutes, and focus solely on your breath - then clear your mind and regroup.

3. Take Care of Your Body

You are only going to be as effective as your body allows you to be. As we get busier and busier, our sleeping habits and healthy diet seem to be the first casualties. Fast food saves time but is unhealthy. Sleeping fewer hours gives us more time in the day to complete our work but without a full night’s sleep we are less effective.

When we require more output from our minds and bodies, we should provide them with the proper fuel and support to perform at their best. This fuel and support should come in the form of plenty of rest and a healthy diet.

4. Make Time for Friends

One of the greatest blessings in my life is a close group of friends who I can contact at any time and say, “what are you doing? I’m having a rough week. Let’s meet up at Chili’s.” Spending time with friends and family who support you can be a great stress reliever.

I try to keep the details of my busy week out of the conversations with friends. These moments with your friends should be an escape from whatever is overwhelming you. Just be in that moment and let those problems and worries disappear for a time. The most important thing at that time should be enjoying the company of your friends.

5. Exercise

It is well known that exercise is a great stress reliever and has great health benefits. Exercise releases endorphins into your bloodstream. Endorphins are “the happy chemicals” that your body produces.

British researchers have found that just 7 minutes of vigorous exercise daily can be enough to prevent diabetes, by lowering blood sugar. Also, when you are active, you increase the blood flow to your brain which will increase your thinking and focus.

How to Re-Gain Control

Now that you are feeling better, it’s time to tackle your obstacles and regain control of your life.

1. Define What Is Important

Identifying the most important things in your life makes it easier to decide how to spend your time. Stephen Covey, the author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has talked about defining your big rocks. At seminars, he would have someone come on stage and try to fill a jar with rocks of various sizes. The person would quickly find that the only way to get all of the rocks in the jar is to place the biggest rocks first. After the big rocks are in the jar, finding a way to fit the little rocks is easy.

Be careful that you are not spending most of your time on the little rocks. Find the 3 most important things you need to do in a day and then do those things first. Checking email may be important, but if it isn’t one of the most important tasks of your day, it should be considered a little rock.

2. Cut the Fat

The truth is we tend to fill our time with the seemingly important, and not the actually important. Cutting the fat means eliminating the unnecessary things in your life that take up your time and energy without giving much back.

Many tasks in our lives are urgent, but not important. What are some things in your life that take up much of your time, but are not very important, or don’t contribute much towards your wellbeing? Can you work on reducing or eliminating these activities?

3. Do Things Automatically

If you spend time thinking about due dates for bills, it is time for you to automate. Almost every bill you have can be paid automatically from your checking or credit account each month. You can also set automatic transfers each month into your savings account. By having things done automatically, you will save a lot of time by eliminating the manual action of that task, and doing so will free up the mental energy required to constantly remind yourself.

4. Delegating

If you fear giving up control, this is going to be the most difficult but the most necessary thing you have to do to gain back control of your life.

I had a problem with this the first time I hired an assistant because I knew how I wanted every task to be done and felt that I was the best person to do it. But once I learned how to delegate tasks to other people, I wondered why I waited so long to do it.

If your personal and professional life is filled with too many little rocks, then delegating those tasks might be the solution you need. If you are juggling your classes with a personal and professional life, then you might consider getting some help.

5. Saying No

One of the major mistakes I made was saying ‘yes’ to almost every project I was interested in, and even some I had no interest in but agreed to take part in for the learning experience.

After realizing my mistake, I began saying ‘no’ to any new projects that came along because I knew that I would not have the time to invest my best effort. Learning to say ‘no’ may be difficult to do, but it is necessary if you want to regain control of your life.

Whether the request is coming from your boss, spouse, child, or co-worker, if you are unable to handle any more tasks or jobs, you must refuse them.

“A man is rich in proportion to
the number of things he can afford to let alone.“
~ Henry David Thoreau

6. Reward Yourself

So you’ve completed your big rocks, gotten rid of all the unimportant tasks, passed some responsibilities on to others, and you’ve said ‘no’ more times this week than an angry two year old. This is where it all pays off.

Now that you’ve regained control of your life, do something for yourself as a reward for handling the obstacles. Now is your chance to finish that book you started reading, or the art project you didn’t have time for. Maybe you would enjoy trying a new restaurant or a walk in the park. Perhaps you just want to lie on the couch and watch a movie.

Go ahead, enjoy yourself. You’ve earned it. You deserve it!

** When you feel overwhelmed with work and life, what do you do to re-gain control and find balance again? Share your thoughts and story with us in the comment section. See you there!

About the author: Ralph Jean-Paul is a personal development speaker and writer. He is a student of success and achievement and enjoys sharing his knowledge of the world with the intention of helping others realize their potential. Ralph is currently working in the financial industry for one of America’s largest Banks. To read more of his articles or to contact Ralph please visit his website at Potential2Success.com.

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External Resources:

Eckhart Tolle: The Power of Now
Nithyananda: Guaranteed Solutions
Stephen Covey: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

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