Pain is an investment that appreciates over time.

Time heals everything.  In fact, it does more than that- it transforms our mishaps, failures and sorrows into great stories.  In turn, those stories enrich the fabric of our lives.

What great human being passed from cradle to grave without enduring a little misery?

In fact, what you often find is that one’s endurance of misery is directly proportional to their greatness.

Does this mean you need to go home and bash your head against the bathroom linoleum?  Of course not.  But it should incentivize you to take more risks.  To be braver than yesterday.

Because on the other side of that pain lies a damn good story- your own.

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The idea of a fixed identity has never served me.

I was once a scrawny weakling.  Now I fancy myself a lean vegan beast.

I was once a disorganized abomination.   Now I’m a borderline clean freak with a pocket notebook.

I was once debilitatingly shy- afraid to talk to ANYONE on the school bus.   Now I approach strangers like it’s my job, and can be downright gregarious when I want to be.

I was once a below-the-honor-roll, sorry excuse for a student.  But I graduated cum laude from college with special departmental honors and a 4.0 semester under my belt.

Each of those changes felt, at one time, completely impossible.  And if not impossible, then damn near close to it.

But human beings are ridiculously adaptable creatures.  We are pliable, flexible, moldable.   So mold yourself into what you want to become.

Your innermost limiting beliefs can be extinguished.

Your most deeply engrained habits can be transformed.

Your entire life history can be re-written.

But you must commit.  And you must believe.

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Life is a bitch on purpose.  That’s a good thing.

Life is not fair.  It does not divvy out equal opportunity to all.  Screw that, says life.

And that’s ok.

If life hadn’t been a bitch to you, where would you be today?

Would you appreciate what you have?  Where you’ve come from?  What you’ve been through?

I doubt you would have learned even a FRACTION of the lessons you’ve taken away from this erratic, bitchy life.

Maybe you’d be a walking zombie.  Maybe you’d be a stuck-up, entitled prick.  You certainly wouldn’t be you, gracing the world with all the good qualities you bring to the table.  You’d be dead weight.  If there’s one thing this world doesn’t need, it’s dead weight.

If life wasn’t a bitch, we wouldn’t grow.  Period.

The whole point of life is to plow through the bitchiness and claw with tooth nail at meaning, purpose, significance, happiness. That is how we grow and become stronger.

Buddhism tells us that life is suffering.  But the four noble truths don’t mention that suffering is ok.  Suffering does not prevent the experience of joy.

It creates it.

From what can we judge the good if not from the bad?

Life is a bitch for a reason.  See it, appreciate, endure it, love it.

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This is a new one for me.  Until recently, I fell squarely in the “freelance or bust” school of thought.  Now I realize that for a recent grad like myself, that idea was terrible.  Sure, I could live at home and work on fun projects, but I wasn’t going anywhere fast.  It was way too comfortable and I wasn’t hustling.  What I needed was a shock to my system.

What I needed was a job.

“A job!?” You say, “What blasphemy is this!  Jobs are for quitters who can’t cut it as “probloggers” and internet entrepreneurs!”  That may be true.  But jobs are a fantastic choice for many people- especially recent grads who need experiences and connections to get where they want to go.  It’s high time these good jobs got the vindication they deserve.

If you’ve been brainwashed by the prevailing blogosphere dogma that all jobs are a useless, disempowering, soul-sucking waste of time, hear me out.  I’ve got seven good reasons that a job might be the most awesome thing you’ve ever done.

Move over, Steve Pavlina.  It’s time someone set the record straight on just how awesome the 9-5 can be.

1) Steady money.

Guess what?  When you work a real day job, you get paid for every hour you’re on the clock.  Every week.  On time.  Nail-biting while you wait for your employer to “get back to you” with that latest payment?  Gone!  In the salary world, you get paid on time, every time.  I’m sorry, but it doesn’t get any more dependable than a paycheck at the end of the week.

2) Access to a vast network of professionals.

Want to know the fastest way to increase your network?  Get a job with a company you love.  You’ll meet tons of people with similar aspirations.  And you’ll probably spend a lot of time working with them.  If you decide to go solo later, you can recruit your friends from work.

3) Character-building structure.

When you need to be at work every day at 8AM, there’s no room for BS.  That kind of regimentation might make you bitch and moan, but I say it builds character.  It requires you to keep a commitment to yourself and to your colleagues every single day.  How many freelancers function with that kind of regularity?  Those that do probably acquired that discipline working a job.

4) Steady work (so you get REALLY GOOD at what you do).

Freelance or employed, I don’t care: It’s competence that makes you valuable in the marketplace.  And nothing builds competence like steady work.  A freelancer could spend up to half his time marketing his services.  Compare that on an agency copywriter who’s so busy she can’t even recall half the work she’s done.  Translation: if you work on someone else’s dollar, you can be damn sure they’ll keep you busy.  That’s a good thing.  If you want to go freelance later, go for it.  Just realize that competence is the real currency in the marketplace, and nothing builds it like the 9-5.

5) Benefits!

Guess what?  A good job is loaded with ‘em: health insurance, dental, vision, vacation time, sick days, bonuses, company freebies… The list goes on.   Compare that to the freelancer who pays 15% off the top of his earnings in taxes, files taxes four times a year (!!!), and leaks money whenever he gets the flu or decides to escape to the Cabana for a week.  As an employee, your employer has a vested interest in keeping you fat and happy (again, if your job sucks and this isn’t the case, quit!).  You have to sacrifice spontaneity, but you can also do things like save up three months of sick days so you can tour with your band or be with your new baby.  Try swinging that in the freelance world.

6) Daily change of scenery.

When you wake up, work, and go to sleep in the same four walls, something is seriously wrong.  And there’s no better excuse for getting out of the house than to go to work.  If it’s a nice environment, what could be better?  You get a sweet place to hang out and don’t have to pay huge bucks for the accommodations.  Thanks, boss.

7) Human contact.  OH MY GOD!

Quite possibly the best part.  Freelance work can easily become the loneliest experience of your life.  That blows.  I mean, really- I’d rather work in a glue factory.  No amount of money is worth the isolation.

Word to the almighty job.  It had to be said.

P.S. This article is not intended to knock legitimate freelance work.  In fact, I have every interest in being a full-time freelance something down the line.  The point is that having a job is an absolutely wonderful option for most everyone reading this article, and that freelancing makes a lot more sense as a part-time venture or second career, rather than a straight-out-the-starting-gate move.

P.P.S. For the record,  I love Steve Pavlina’s work.  I just don’t have to agree with him 100%.

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My life has changed dramatically in the last 365 days or so.  Exactly one year ago, I was a college kid on winter break, tasting the satisfaction of blogging for the first time and dreaming about running a marathon.  Today, college is over, I’ve been blogging for over a year, I ran my marathon, and I now live on my own in the city of Providence, Rhode Island.

You might think with all this “newness” that I’d be fixated on new goals, new horizons, and anything and everything new- but you’d be wrong.  For me, 2011 is all about following through on the things I should have done in good ol’ 2010.  Particularly, I’m thinking of four perennial lessons of commitment and responsibility that are indispensable to a great life- even if I need to be constantly reminded of them.

#1: Apply the lessons you’ve already learned.

How long have you been consuming personal or spiritual development information?  Have you been acting on that information, or just passively absorbing it?

Chances are, you already know what steps you need to take to improve your life.  Remind yourself of those steps, re-affirm your commitment to them, and set out again with more resolve- and a stronger plan- than ever.

For most of us, the biggest room for growth isn’t in learning something new, but rather applying what we already know.

#2: Follow through on goals you’ve already set.

We humans have a tendency to set our sights well beyond what we can reasonably accomplish.  Did you achieve everything you set out for in 2010?  Probably not.  Instead of considering yourself a failure, just transform your unfinished 1-year goals into 2-year goals.  And while you’re at it, ask yourself why you haven’t gotten around to them yet.

#3 Finish the projects you’ve already started.

How many unfinished projects do you have lying around?  Did you start a great book a few months ago, but never finish it?  Bloggers, I know you all have about 200 unfinished projects to tend to.

Finishing what you start is one of life’s most important lessons- and for some of us, it’s the hardest lesson of all.  Just remember that nothing feels better than seeing a big commitment through to the end.

Goal #4 Learn from the experiences you’ve already had.

Reflect on your life- really reflect on it.  How have you spent the last day, week, month, year?  Write down everything that comes to mind.  Sometimes we get too busy living our lives to reflect on what’s actually going on.  We become blind to our own patterns; deaf to our inner aspirations.  What a sad state of affairs.

Maybe it’s time to remind yourself, in the immortal words of Socrates, that “the unexamined life is not worth living.”  If you think about that, you’ll see that it’s true.  The great human foible is selfishness, unconsciousness.  The more conscious we can become of how we live, the greater our potential for excellence.

Go ahead, have your fun….

I know, ‘tis the season to set new goals and enjoy that fuzzy, clean slate feeling.  I’m certainly not denouncing that.  Just make sure that your goals for the future are informed by the lessons of yesterday.  If you can do that, and live the examined life, then you’re destined for something great.

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Choice #1: See the cloud.

Choice #2: See the silver lining.

Take your pick.

I could end this blog post right here and have made my point.

Perspective is everything in life, yet so few of us have mastered it.  When things don’t go our way, we simply get annoyed- and stay annoyed.  We fail to see the converse side, despite that it’s equally valid.

A few rare souls can get their ego out of the way long enough to change their perspective.  They choose to see the positive in everything.  Even in the really horrible stuff, they find the kernel.  They put their attention on the silver lining, and withdraw it from the cloud.

Do you realize there is a silver lining to EVERYTHING?  Take these unlikely examples:

Lost your job?  Great! Now’s your chance to go after that dream job you’ve always wanted, ditch a career you hate, or start your own business.  It’s also an opportunity to practice frugality and humility.

Diagnosed with a terminal illness?  Great! Now’s your chance to reconnect to the things (and especially the people) that truly matter in your life.  You haven’t got time to waste time when any day could be your last.

Brutal breakup?  Great! Now you can focus on you for a while, not to mention save money on dates.  The next time around, you’ll do it right.

Train yourself to see the silver lining in everything.

Life is your perception of it.  Perception is informed by perspective.  YOU control your own perspective.  Ergo, you have an incredible capacity to direct your own life- or at the very least, your reaction to it.

Believe me, it beats being stuck under a cloud.

And let’s face it, what do we really know about good and bad, anyway?

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Ladies and Gentleman, this bird is flying the coop.

Six months after graduating from Skidmore, six months spent living at home in New Hampshire, and I’m headed to the big (well, moderately sized) city of Providence, Rhode Island with friend and fellow blogger, Parker Tichko.

Why?  Because it’s time.  Because I’m ready.  Because it’s been a great six months and all, but I’ve got to get going.  Because the independent life is calling my name.  And I couldn’t be happier about it.

What have I been doing these last six months?

All kinds of fun stuff!

• I’ve been freelance writing through eLance.com
• I ghostwrote a full-length book on setting goals for an eLance client
• I read 10+ books on personal/spiritual development topics
• I meditated a ton- anywhere from 60-120 minutes most days
• I completed a spiritual diary experiment
• I just about doubled the average monthly traffic to this blog
• I trained for and ran a marathon
• I embarked on a “power lifting” regime that’s increased my bench press to 200 lbs. (a 50 lb. increase!)

What am I up to now?

I sir, am becoming a commercial copywriter.

Last month, I read a book called The Well-Fed Writer, a highly informative (and delightfully written) book about entering the world of commercial writing on a freelance basis.  Essentially, this means writing for businesses of all shapes and sizes, particularly by helping them with their “marketing collateral”: brochures, newsletters, case studies, white papers, and beyond.  This mostly refers to business-to-business (B2B) correspondence, rather than business-to-client (B2C, the stuff we see as consumers).  So no, I’m not embarking on a career as a spam artist!

Over the next month before the move, I’ll be focusing primarily on getting my one-man writing business off the ground.  First, I’ll need a website (working on that).  Then, I’ll focus on getting the word out and tapping my network for leads.  At the moment, I’m open to (almost) anything I can get, provided that I am comfortable working with the client.  But in time, I look forward to becoming more selective and commanding the high (for writing) rates that commercial writers enjoy.  If this sounds intriguing to you, i.e. if you’re a writer with an entrepreneurial spirit, I can’t recommend WFW enough.  Although maybe you should wait for my six-month progress report before you dive in yourself ;)

Ok, but why Providence?

To the contrary, why not Providence?

Providence, the so-called “Creative Capital,” appears by all accounts to be a fantastic place for young, artsy people to live (that’s me). It boasts 8 colleges and universities, including an ivy-leaguer (Brown).  It has a thriving music and arts scene.  And to boot, it manages to be highly affordable, two hours away from home (the perfect distance if you ask me), and stationed nicely between Boston and New York.  I’ll take it.  As a stepping stone out of my parent’s house and into the wider world, I’ll take it.

Right now, I can’t say how long I’ll stay in Providence.  It could be six months; it could be six years.  It depends largely on factors I can’t predict.  But I do know that along the way, I’ll be building a flexible, mobile career that will sharpen my writing and entrepreneurial skills.  I know that I will be immersed in the highest per capita rate of coffee shops in the country (can you say, “writer’s heaven”?).  And I know that I can’t think of a better place to cut the apron strings and truly give this freelance life a go.

Am I optimistic?  Of course.  This is my biggest transition since graduating from college.  But I know I’m ready for the challenge.

I can’t wait to see how it unfolds.

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What's right for Blue here isn't necessarily what's right for you...

What’s the right amount of sleep for optimal health, energy and productivity?

That’s a question that anyone with an inclination toward personal development will eventually ask.  After all, less sleep (without an energy sacrifice)=more time=greater productivity.  It’s hard to ignore the fact that someone who gets by on 6 hours a night gets 700 more waking hours each year than a person who sleeps 8.  That’s nearly an entire month (31 days=744 hours)!

So, what’s the catch?

My Sleep Experiments So Far

Last June, I underwent a 30-day early rising challenge, waking up at 5:30-6am and meditating for two hours.  Coming from my college schedule, this was a herculean adjustment.  While I was able to get up (somewhat) consistently at 5:30am to meditate, it was a constant battle to not conk out mid-enlightenment.  And here’s the problem with constant battles: you can’t win them.

So at the close of my 30-day challenge, my sleeping habits took a 180° dive.  I literally went on a sleep bender!  Why?  Because throughout the trial, I rarely got more than 6 ½ hours of sleep each night.  And while you might be thinking, “meh, who cares?  I can function fine on less than that,” the quantity isn’t the point.  The point is relativity. By waking up consistently at 5:30, I was slashing 2 hours off my  nightly sleep allowance.  What a terrible idea.  Change that dramatic isn’t sustainable, whether it’s a diet, a sleep routine, or anything else.

Four months have snuck by since my last sleep experiment, and I am more than ready to re-assess my shut-eye habits.  This time, I’ve decided to begin by researching something I knew almost nothing about: the science of sleep.  Don’t know why I didn’t just start there in the first place…

The 8 Hour Dogma

Ask any sixth grader how much sleep they need each night, and they’ll proudly inform you that 8 hours is the magic number.  In fact, the ubiquity of this number might convince you that human beings have been sleeping away 1/3 of their lives since the dawn of time.

But just assuming that 8 hours was MY magic number wasn’t good enough for me.    And YOU  shouldn’t assume so, either.

Let’s see what science has to say about the magical 8….

In one study, conducted on over a million participants over six years, those with the highest rate of survival slept 6-7 hours per night.  And get this: the survival rate declined progressively for those sleeping 8 hours or more, as well as for those sleeping 6 hours or less. Interestingly, this mortality connection remained even when researchers controlled for 32 potentially confounding variables (source).

In another study, which tracked 10,000 participants over 17 years, those sleeping 8 hours or more each night had more than double the mortality risk of those who slept seven.  Researchers reported that “our findings indicate that consistently sleeping around 7  hours per night is optimal for health.” (source).

A literature review confirms, “As early as 1964, data have shown that 7-h sleepers experience the lowest risks for all-cause mortality, whereas those at the shortest and longest sleep durations have significantly higher mortality risks” (source).

Is this what you expected to find?  It sure wasn’t what I expected.  Maybe you swear by your 9 hours of sleep, science be damned!  Maybe you know from experience that when you log less than 8 hours, the creative juices just don’t flow the next day.  But I’m sure you can also think of a time when you woke up groggy after a long night’s sleep.   You probably even said, “Man, I really overslept today!”

So where does that leave us?  Well, here’s a thought…

What Sleeping and Eating Have in Common…

Let’s think about food and eating for a second.  Eating is essential to survival; if we stop, we die.  It’s also not just a need, but a desire.  For example, we “need” only a fraction of the calories we consume each day, but that doesn’t stop us from heaping on the pasta. In fact, we seem to have a natural inclination to go beyond “enough” and on to the land of “too much.”  And another thing: We don’t always to turn to food out of biological necessity.  We turn to food to escape.

I’m convinced that our sleeping habits work the same way.  Sleep is essential to survival.  It’s also a desire, and most people enjoy sleeping extra when they can.  And I’m sure everyone reading this has at one time or another used sleep as an escape.

So can one sleep too much?  Science seems to point to yes.  In fact, one of these studies says that oversleeping (8+ hours) carries the same health consequences as moderate obesity.

Maybe overeating and oversleeping have more in common than we think….

Forget the Science.

Let’s get back to the original question: What’s the right amount of sleep for optimal health, energy and productivity?

I’m no longer convinced there is an objective answer.  In fact, I no longer believe that’s the right question to ask.  A better question is not “what is THE optimal amount of sleep?” but rather, “what’s the right amount of sleep for you?”

There are certain things a sleep study can never tell you.  It can never tell you how you feel after 8, 7, or 6 hours of sleep (unless, of course, you were a participant in one of these studies).  It can never tell you how you will react when you reduce your normal sleep time by 5-10 minutes.

In fact, the more I think about these studies, the less they seem to say.  After all, most sleep studies are based on self-reports, not bulletproof-precise data.  And there may be differences between natural short-sleepers (those that don’t set an alarm) and conditioned short-sleepers (those that do use an alarm) that just aren’t accounted for in the research.  Then there’s the question of different sleep needs depending on different daytime activities and levels of exertion….

So who the heck knows what’s best until you’ve tried it all?

My New Experiment

Rather than jumping back on the 5:30am bandwagon and slashing hours off my sleep, I am opting for a gentler,  more gradual sleep experiment.  For thirty days, I am waking up at 7:30am, every day.  Since I’m currently a sporadic sleeper who averages a little over 8 hours a night, I’m going to focus on just getting 8 hours a night.  Consistently getting 8 hours will be a slight reduction, but nothing to lose sleep over (pun totally intended!).  And it will help me regulate my rhythms so that I can effectively experiment with very small (like, 5-10 minutes) reductions over the coming months.

I look forward to eventually finding the perfect sleeping/waking rhythm for me.  And oh, what a sweet day it will be.

So, what do you think of all this madness?

Have you ever experimented with your sleep habits?  If so, were you successful?  If not, what held you back?

I’d love to hear your stories.

Myself, about 1/3 into the race.

Several weeks ago, on a beautiful fall day, I crossed the finish line of the New Hampshire marathon after running 4 hours and 13 minutes.  It was the first time my body had ever run 26.2 miles at once.

Why did I do it?

1) Because running is joyful.

I got my first taste of distance running while studying abroad in Madrid (spring ’09).  As I ran through the sun-kissed parks on the city’s outskirts, all alone save the music in my ears, I fell in love.  Back then, running a marathon was a far-flung dream.

2)Because it was scary.

I had failed as a runner in high school.  After a couple of months on the cross-country team, I was forced off the trails by terrible knee pain which doctors diagnosed as Osgood-Schlatter Disease.  While the “disease” wasn’t nearly as menacing as its name, I sincerely wondered whether I would run again.

5 years later, Osgood-whatever-it’s-called was ancient history, and I was running strong again.  But when I realized I might actually run the great 26.2, I was terrified.  My heart sped up as though the race had already begun.  Running a marathon felt bigger than anything I’d ever done- in or out of my running sneakers.  It stood right at the edge of what I believed I could do.  I had to go for it.

3) Because I had nothing to lose.

The question became, why not?  Tacking a mile or two onto my long run each week didn’t seem so bad.  Before long, I was running 16 miles, and feeling great.

On my first 20 mile run, everything changed.  The training became real.  I finished that run with tears streaming down my face, overcome with emotion.  I could barely walk for the rest of the day… yet somehow, I still felt great.

Passing on the left!

How I Trained

I won’t talk much about regimens and protocols- that information is widely available elsewhere.  But since my training experience was a bit unconventional, I will make a few comments.

1) I maintained my 100% vegan, mostly whole foods diet.

I’ve been a vegan since June ’08, and I saw no reason to change my diet for the race or the training.  The whole point was to feel good and improve my health- so why make a health sacrifice?  I also didn’t train with traditional products like Gatorade and GU gel until about two weeks prior to race weekend.

2) I didn’t dramatically increase my caloric intake.

Although I did not track calories, I would say that my caloric consumption rose only marginally throughout training.  I found this bizarre, given that a 10 mile run burns well over 1,000 calories.  Instead of stuffing myself, I simply ate whatever quantity felt satiating and left it at that.

3) I followed a program, but not to the letter.

I followed a pretty typical 14-week program, sometimes closely and sometimes loosely.  On some long runs, I would forgo tracking mileage altogether and just set a timed goals for myself.  This kept training fun and non-stressful, allowing me to be scrupulous when I wanted to and careless when I didn’t care.  I would recommend this approach for other first-time marathon runners, as well.

Finally, the Race…

Most of us laymen are clueless to the thriving subculture that surrounds marathons.  When I arrived at registration, I was surrounded by hundreds of middle-aged men and women suiting up with me.  I talked with a 55-year-old who was running  another marathon the next day (I told him I’d be happy if I could get off the couch the next day).  I also saw at least 3 people wearing shirts that read, “I completed 50 marathons in 50 states.”  Oh, and did I mention all three looked well into their sixties?  At 23, I felt like the youngest guy there.

The race itself was a blast.  Through good pacing and regular energy consumption, I was able to feel good from start to finish.  In fact, crossing the finish line, I was astonished by how good I felt.  Where was the misery and agony that I associated with this?  I guess that’s for guys running sub-3 hours.

If you live in New England and are looking to run your first marathon, I have to plug this one.  The beauty of the Bristol, NH area will literally take your breath away- and not just because you’re running.  One runner, speaking in a thick accent, said,  “Is this a race, or a leaf-peeping tour?”  I even saw some runners snapping photos along the way.

My marathon experience rocked.  And while I don’t intend to run another one for a while, I would strongly encourage anyone with even an inkling of interest to go ahead and do it.  You’ll have an absolute blast.  I promise.

So, what terrifyingly awesome thing can YOU achieve in the next year?

Finally! Crossing the finish line...

]]> http://www.thinkingspirit.com/i-ran-my-first-marathon/feed 12 http://www.thinkingspirit.com/theres-only-one-thing-holding-you-back http://www.thinkingspirit.com/theres-only-one-thing-holding-you-back#comments Mon, 04 Oct 2010 18:12:56 +0000 Travis W-B http://www.thinkingspirit.com/?p=704

Between you and any goal, there is one big limiting factor you must overcome to be successful.

One bulky bottleneck holding you back.

One massive hurdle you need to clear.

The funny thing is, it’s always the same thing.

…Know what I’m talking about?

Let me give you a clue…….

It’s not your crappy, dead-end job.

It’s not your stupid friends.

It’s not your flawed family.

It’s not where you live, or who you live with.

It’s not how much money you make, who you know, or what you know.

It’s not the world conspiring against you.

It isn’t any thing at all.

It’s you.

The biggest limiting factor is you.

And more specifically…

It’s your mind.

More specifically still…

It’s your thoughts.

And it always has been.

So what are you going to do about it?

(photo courtesy of woodleywonderworks)