[T]HiNKiNGPUTTY

GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:04:00 +0000

Ten Years After - I'd Love to Change the World

Every where is freaks and hairies, dykes and fairies;
Tell me where is sanity?
Tax the rich, feed the poor, till there are no rich no more.
I'd love to change the world - but I don't know what to do,
So I'll leave it up to you.

Population - keeps on breeding, nation bleeding,
Still more feeding economy.
Life is funny, skies are sunny, bees make honey,
Who needs money? Monopoly
I'd love to change the world - but I don't know what to do,
So I'll leave it up to you....Oh yeah,

World pollution, there's no solution, institution, electrocution,
Just black and white, rich or poor, them and us,
We'll stop the war
I'd love to change the world - but I don't know what to do,
So I'll leave it up to you....and good luck

Jack Parow - Cooler as Ekke

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:28:00 +0000

This is quite old but I had to add it to the putty arsenal to reffreence at a later stage.

Judging by the Youtube comments there's still many JOCS left in ZA...wish they could wake up....

Jy dra net uh uh Issy Miyake
Ek’s Grasshopper, jy’s Le coq sportif
Jy laat die koek flop, ek laat die huis rys
Jou meisie het ‘n foto van my piel op haar space case...

PONDER - Integrity

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:49:00 +0000

Anything that stands in the way of your integrity will eventually bring you down. If you feel that something isn't right, there's a reason for that feeling -- it's because it isn't right.

When you act against what you know to be true, what you know to be right, there is nothing of value to be gained. When you act against your own integrity, you are pushing yourself backwards.

If you seek to cheat others, you end up cheating yourself. Nothing that you take away from someone else can ever be of any lasting value to you. True value and richness come from authentically being yourself and giving of yourself. The more you give of your love, your effort, your time, attention, and creativity, the more real and fulfilling abundance you'll experience.

Withholding yourself from life only holds you back from really living. It's truly great to be who you are, so do it with zest and integrity. Why fight and argue over momentary pleasures when you can be moving toward lasting fulfillment? Choose not what is easiest or most expedient. Choose what is true, what is right, and you'll be making the best choice for your life....

QA and DEV Arsenal - 26 Tools for the sake of bartering

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:14:00 +0000

Tools and applications that I found usefull in the day to day SDLC:

SVN (subversion) > open source version control system: http://tinyurl.com/5mxh5
Hudson > Extensible continuous integration engine: http://tinyurl.com/2o4uzw
XPlanner > project planning and tracking tool: http://tinyurl.com/f8xe4
Bugzilla > Web-based bugtracker and testing tool originally developed and used by the Mozilla project: http://tinyurl.com/4z3yz
Fitnesse > Simple tool that allows non-technical users to specify & run acceptance tests for software systems: http://tinyurl.com/2zfdly
Nunit > Unit testing framework that is open source written in C# : http://tinyurl.com/lh66fk
Websecurify > websecurity initiative specializing in researching security issues& building the next gen tools: http://tinyurl.com/mepund
Flawfinder > Examines source code looking for security weaknesses: http://tinyurl.com/2fhna3
WEBLOAD > Open Source load generation engine, free for stress and performance testing of web applications: http://tinyurl.com/nvdzaw
Cacti > complete network graphing solution designed to harness the power of RRDdata storage&graph functionality: http://tinyurl.com/bh9v2
SWFScan > free application security scantool for security vulnerabilities in apps built on AdobeFlash Platform: http://tinyurl.com/pcsdl5
SoftPerfect NetworkScanner > free multi-threaded IP,NetBIOS& SNMP scanner ,modern interface&several adv features: http://tinyurl.com/83s7d
Selenium IDE > Firefox add-on,records clicks,typing& other actions to make a test, with play back in a browser: http://tinyurl.com/8k24ly
Firebug > Tools for web dev, allow inspect, edit and monitor CSS, HTML and JavaScript live in any web page: http://tinyurl.com/yjr73v
VirtualBox > Virtualization software package developed by Sun Microsystems: http://tinyurl.com/w5j4o
VMWare > Reduce capital& ops costs ,add IT flexibility& efficiency with virtualization and cloud computing: http://tinyurl.com/3n9f9
Nmap > Free Security Scanner For Network Exploration: http://tinyurl.com/5d3qlv
OWASP > How to build, design and test the security of web applications and web services: http://tinyurl.com/mnjbc8
Wireshark > Wireshark is a network protocol analyzer for Unix and Windows. List of features: http://tinyurl.com/gw6jl
Fuzzled > powerful fuzzing framework for Perl programs: http://tinyurl.com/nb6zgl
IE Tab > Firefox extension , Embedding Internet Explorer in tabs of Mozilla/Firefox: http://tinyurl.com/27zzqt
PuTTY Connection Manager > PuTTY tool to manage multiple PuTTY instances using tabs in a single window: http://tinyurl.com/mo6dbj
Peach > SmartFuzzer that is capable of performing both generation and mutation based fuzzing: http://tinyurl.com/knh66n
WinSCP > Open source freeware SFTP, FTP and SCP client for Windows: http://tinyurl.com/acv69
Testopia> test case management extension for Bugzilla.Designed to be a generic tool for tracking test cases: http://tinyurl.com/oclw8
soapUI > a leading tool for Web Service Testing: http://tinyurl.com/2tdo4s

26 OF THEM DONE and DUSTED…..

Classic - South African Braai Etiquette

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 14:17:00 +0000

5 Behaviors of Bad Bosses

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 14:34:00 +0000

Found this via twatter and it's all so true. I'm sure that any employee sitting in a situation like this will not be 100% productive due to ill actions from the hierarchy. As the old saying goes - There is no 'I' in team and most of the behaviors listed makes that 'I' the BOSS ! Been stuck in the white collar slavestry has thrown me a fair ration. I've made terrible mistakes during my reign as management as well.

The fact of the matter remains that an employee spend 14 % of his/her life at the salt mine and there is no justification for the top order to go ape shite about crap by disregarding that precious life percentage...

Playing Favorites

I've yet to meet a manager or executive who admits to or even believes they are playing favorites. It's like bad breath. Everyone know it's there except the person who has the problem. Managers justify it by saying they are "raising them up" or that they are "team players", but the real question is: Are they being treated based on their performance or based on how they make the boss feel? I was recently helping an organization with so many "yes" men and women that I thought sucking up was part of the job description. It wasn't, but maybe it should have been. It seems that the old adage is often true: 'It's not what you know it's who you know.'

Being a Control Freak

There are many great benefits to micromanaging. It can be used to train both new employees and employees learning new tasks. It can also be used to help those who have had performance issues. But when bosses micromanage trained, competent employees it communicates, "I don't trust you," and "I'm the only one here smart enough to do it." It is especially destructive when it is followed up with temper tantrums or threats or belittling comments. And then they wonder why no one 'takes initiative'.

Stealing Credit

Stealing credit is one of the most damaging of all bad boss behaviors. Stealing credit goes beyond not recognizing someone for a job well done. This is far worse. This is taking the results of someone else's ideas, performance and hard work and claiming it as your own. It is like identity theft for people in the workplace.

Throwing Temper Tantrums

Temper Tantrums are also incredibly dangerous in the workplace. They intimidate and manipulate people with the belief that somehow this added fear will increase productivity and or respect. In reality, it causes people to lose respect for the angry boss and in many cases can lead to confrontation in the future. Who came up with the idea that anger was a management tool anyway?

Talking Down to Employees

Talking down to or belittling employees is a cousin to throwing temper tantrums. The constant need to remind people that the boss is the boss and that the employees are little more than indentured servants does little to boost morale or productivity. Telling employees they are lazy or idiots or whatever, with the hopes that it will help them to 'get it' is more destructive than productive and communicates "you're here because I pay you and you have no value beyond that." And they wonder why they hear employees say "I don't get paid enough to do that?"

via 4MOST

JEDI MIND TRICKS dealing with day to day IMPROVISATION

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 28 May 2009 08:18:00 +0000

It's easy not to be a Muppet , knowledge is power and it’s a jungle out there. If you feel inadequate and well outside the inner circle....it's probably time for some reflection to cultivate the inspiration again.

The IT industry is a twisted place and if you don’t know this fact after spending some years in the pIT it will suck you deeper into ignorance...get with the program - there's no spoon , do something about it.

Start off with the acronymic education ,water-cooler folks may have referred to you as one of the following on a day to day basis...

BE EDUCATED > WATERCOOLER ACRONYMS OF DOOM:

POBCAC ("Problem Occurs Between Computer and Chair")
PIBKAC ("Problem Is Between Keyboard And Chair")
PEBCAC ("Problem Exists Between Chair and Computer")
PEBCAS ("Problem Exists Between Chair and Screen")
PEBCAT ("Problem Exists Between Chair and Terminal")
PEBMAC ("Problem Exists Between Monitor And Chair")
PEBCAK ("Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard")
PEBKAC ("Permanent Error Between Keyboard And Chair")
EBKAC ("Error Between Keyboard And Chair")
BCAK (bee kack) ("Between Chair and Keyboard" error)
PICNIC ("Problem In Chair Not In Computer")
IEBKAC ("Interface Error Between Keyboard and Chair")
PEBKAM ("Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Monitor") which is where the user would appear on a system flow-chart if they were considered part of the machine as a processing component.
IUE ("Incompetent User Error")
IO ("Idiot Operator")
CODE 18 ("Problem is 18 inches away from the screen")
WETWORKS ("The Drip who is using the computer")

The networking administrators' version is referring to the cause of a problems as "a layer 8 issue". The automotive repairpersons' version is referring to the cause of a problem as a "loose nut between the steering wheel and the seat."

My favourites PICNIC and WETWORKS..remember to Shake and Bake...if you aint first you’re LAST...

METHOD TO THE MADNESS

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 28 May 2009 08:15:00 +0000

I've been besieged with incompetence of late.My suggestion to the long to be PRO's out there is to stay focused and ahead of the pack.If you want to run with the BIG DOGS you can’t PISS like a PUPPY!

Processes are improved and adjusted by professionals on a basis of necessity ,following these trends tend to pay off.I found constructive pointers on the web worth a UNI DEGREE. Read between the lines ,master the correct trend or craft your own!

8D (Eight Disciplines)

Extremely useful and my good tendency followed and implemented religulously.

Click on the image to enlarge

1. Use Team Approach
Establish a small group of people with the knowledge, time, authority and skill to solve the problem and implement corrective actions. The group must select
a team leader.

2. Describe the Problem
Describe the problem in measurable terms. Specify the internal or external customer problem by describing it in specific terms.
3. Implement and Verify Short-Term Corrective Actions
Define and implement those intermediate actions that will protect the customer from the problem until permanent corrective action is implemented. Verify with
data the effectiveness of these actions.
4. Define and Verify Root Causes
Identify all potential causes which could explain why the problem occurred. Test each potential cause against the problem description and data. Identify
alternative corrective actions to eliminate root cause.
5. Verify Corrective Actions
Confirm that the selected corrective actions will resolve the problem for the customer and will not cause undesirable side effects. Define other actions, if
necessary, based on potential severity of problem.
6. Implement Permanent Corrective Actions
Define and implement the permanent corrective actions needed. Choose on-going controls to insure the root cause is eliminated. Once in production, monitor
the long-term effects and implement additional controls as necessary.
7. Prevent Recurrence
Modify specifications, update training, review work flow, improve practices and procedures to prevent recurrence of this and all similar problems.
8. Congratulate Your Team
Recognize the collective efforts of your team. Publicize your achievement. Share your knowledge and learning.

More gravy to keep the Frenetics on TARGET (LINKS) :

CAPA - Corrective Preventive Actions Presentation (137kB PPS)
Statistical process control

Statistical Process Control (SPC) is an effective method of monitoring a process through the use of control charts. Control charts enable the use of
objective criteria for distinguishing background variation from events of significance based on statistical techniques.

Failure mode and effects analysis

A failure modes and effects analysis (FMEA) is a procedure for analysis of potential failure modes within a system for classification by severity or
determination of the effect of failures on the system.

CapaSys

Compliance requires organizations to capture all corrective action issues and track their corrective action process to completion. About 30% to 50% of all 483 citations in FDA regulated industries are related to problems with Corrective Action & Preventive Action (CAPA) processes.

Steps to Competitiveness

Ishikawa diagram AKA Fishbone

Ishikawa diagrams (also called fishbone diagrams or cause-and-effect diagrams) are diagrams that show the causes of a certain event. A common use of the Ishikawa diagram is in product design, to identify potential factors causing an overall effect.

More on Fishbone

That should do it , feel enlightened…...ez

Back at the RANCH

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 28 May 2009 07:54:00 +0000

So I'm back in the thurd world , bombarded with the mediocracy and smooth running inadequacy around each corner...Afric du sud is the definition of madness upon return from LONDON the Capital of psychosis.

I'm sure that A Politician Ate the Money ! was my first recurring thought. It’s so bad that I've contemplated resorting to religion...Enough of the sulking and on with the business.

I've accumulated interesting quotes to rejuvenate the Thinkingputty arsenal ...

I know there is way too much but Sit back , GROW THE BEARD and EXPAND THE THEORY.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Douglas Adams

Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all. Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Biography lends to death a new terror. Oscar Wilde

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.Arthur C. Clarke

Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. Gertrude Stein

The reverse side also has a reverse side. Japanese Proverb

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain

You give my regards to St. Peter, or whoever has his job, but in Hell. Joss Whedon, Zack Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon

It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor. Neil Gaiman

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Rita Rudner

If one company lays of few off....it drives efficiency.If every company lays a bunch off.....it drives a DEPRESSION

Once you believe you are king, you will be off the throne soon enough...That wouldn’t apply when you actually know you are king, however…

Unfortunately, what's good for the goose doesn't seem to be good for the gander.

Abilities....such as a faint feeling about the future, are slippery and elusive. Richard Dawkins

Winston Churchill said that "short words are best and the old words when short are best of all."

There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher. Victor Hugo

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. Bill Cosby

The purpose of life is to fight maturity. Dick Werthimer

People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. Anatole France

If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon. George Aiken

To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all. Peter McWilliams

The concept of a soul without a body seems to me to be empty and devoid of meaning. Albert Einstein, 1921

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. Franklin D. Roosevelt

Some things have to be believed to be seen. Ralph Hodgson

A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money. Senator Everett Dirksen

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. Edgar Allan Poe

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. Martin Luther King Jr.

Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. Robert Anton Wilson

My life is like a zombie movie! I survive game after game after game, but the football just keeps coming! The only way to stop team sports is to aim for the head. Matt Milby

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. Rita Mae Brown

The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting. Charles Bukowski

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. Erica Jong

Didn't reality become insanity? Or was it the other way around? Either way, it was fun knowing your car was protected by an aggressive drunk dude with a massive gun. And it was you who brought everything that was real and or insane to the party. Matt Swan

VIVA MUGABE !

THIS MUST BE THE FUNNIEST MARKETING STUNT EVER…

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 19:10:00 +0000

A friend forwarded this hilarious email to me , I canned myself proppa !

I removed the complaintive’s particulars just to play it safe. The funny thing was that the domain of the email is for one huge and well known advertising company …So I suspect that this could be a brilliant piece of viral email marketing …have a laugh - enjoy !

Tom from Universal went to India with a friend recently and flew with Virgin. His friend was appalled by the food and wrote a letter of complaint when he returned. The letter found its way to Richard Branson's desk and he phoned Tom's friend saying he and his family had been laughing all weekend about it as it was the funniest letter he'd ever had. Read below...

Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit. Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, Which one is the starter, which one is the desert? You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they.

Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all. Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about. Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing.

That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.
Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard.
Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard. Jesus Christ. By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided.

It had caught my eye earlier due to it’s baffling presentation:

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above. I was exhausted.

All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point. Once cleared. I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment.

I switched it on:

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen.

Perhaps it would be better on another channel:

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time.

But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:

Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese.

That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard. So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary. As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it’s knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly
John Doe

Define: SIF !

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 10:22:00 +0000

I have been amazed with all the weird and absurd photo albums I come across on Facebook. This album of a flat in Texas takes the cake! By the way – the resident was a female…

Album name : The siffest thing I've seen for a long time

Extract from FB album:

"This has nothing to do with the Hurricane. We had a resident who had an outstanding balance for over a month and no one could get a hold of her. The Bookkeeper went inside after so many tries to leave a note and this is what we found" "The pictures do NO justice. There is suppose to be 2 cats living here but we cant find them (we think they're dead somewhere inside the apartment-we contacted the SPCA). The place REEKS to say the least, I gagged non stop."

Xenophobia … Flames of Hate WTF is happening to SA ?

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:09:00 +0000

WARNING: VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED !!!

I’ve been in the UK since March and have been following South African news as much as I can. After several months on this side , South African headlines become too much and the blind eye controls the comprehension. I read about the xenophobia but it never truly sank in until I stumbled across ‘Flames of Hate’.

I know it is aged and out of date but 'Flames of Hate' photo story gave me a real fright. I am well disgusted and worried about the manner in which South Africa is slipping and losing balance! How the hell will this be fixed and by who ??? I miss the sunshine and all the great offerings but contemplation regarding a return have been constant lately....

Original content from The Times Online

THE ROOF..THE ROOF...THE ROOF IS ON FIRE !

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 10:41:00 +0000

Dozens of people evacuated , 54 Fire Trucks , 150 Fire Fighters , Thousands of hectares of fynbos , Cape Fire out of control , Gordons Bay / Kogel Bay Nature Reserve covered by thick smoke !

Hope they get this under control soon , one house cooked already.Hopefully my liability is out of harm's way....

from News24

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON – CHRISTMAS CARD FROM FTSE

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 09:35:00 +0000

The hippies wanted peace and love.

We wanted Ferraris, blondes and switchblades. -Alice Cooper

Surreal banter in celebration of René François Ghislain Magritte

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:17:00 +0000

Since it's René Magritte's birthday today thank you google , I thought it be best to end this ludicrous week on a high with one liners received from the man down under...thanks Dylan !

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh***ing herself.

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ..Self-raising?"

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel,then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Motivational absurdity

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 11:53:00 +0000

For that day when I step back into my own office...I’ll sling some of these on the walls…and forward a morning quote to the rest of the office slaves...Yes I do agree , my unquestionably lack of moral fibre prevailsl...

Random Morning quotes :

By George Carlin (RIP 23-06-2008):

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you ...and he NEEDS MONEY!!!

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

The planet is fine. The people are *****.

Atheism is a non-profit organization

You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.(On God)

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.(after his second heart attack, 1982)

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

A couple more worth forwarding:

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you - Bert Leston Taylor

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised - George F. Will

If today gets any slower, time will start to go backwards. Dogs will unbark and rain will go up. It's gonna be awesome - WWTDD

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered - G. K. Chesterton

I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution - Wernher von Braun

A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men - Anonymous

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is - George Bernard Shaw

The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum - Havelock Ellis

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated - Alec Bourne

To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself - Albert Einstein

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality - Albert Einstein

We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming - Don Delillo

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat - Lily Tomlin

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy - Groucho Marx

Life's too short for traffic - Mike Stopforth

10 percent of all humans ever born are alive today - bbc knowledge fact

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.

The Rapture Index – THE END IS NEAR

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:01:00 +0000

Blindness has become so acute that Rapture Ready gets spiked hits of 50 000 per day. The presidential season is once again awash in global anxiety. Some Web sites and conservative Christians have tried to argue that Obama could be the foretold Antichrist - Original article from the Salt Lake Tribune

It is truly amazing how the world is changing and infected at such a ridiculous tempo. All very entertaining and I ponder the thoughts of the bemused.

For eons, Christians have believed the world is hurling toward oblivion. But with the current economic downturn, the war in Iraq and the likely election of Barack Obama, many think it has picked up speed.

Todd Strandberg , founder and editor of raptureready.com, the largest Christian prophecy site on the Internet, spends his days linking current events with biblical passages. He created a Rapture Index, modeled after the Dow Jones Industrial Average, which consists of 45 categories of prophetic indicators from the occult to inflation and the crime rate. Each is assigned a value of one to five depending on the level of activity in that category. The numbers are adjusted weekly, and the higher the number, the faster the world is moving toward its end

Bemused moments :

One leader around 200 A.D. predicted Jesus was coming the next year so his followers halted all planting, Landes says. About 16 centuries later, a similar prediction meant the Millerites didn't harvest their crops. Both groups starved, says Landes, editor of The Encyclopedia of Millennialism and Millennial Movements. "It was by and large self-destructive."

I find all this a bit too much – seems that the time is seasoned for investment in a dogma related money making scheme …ca-ching !

The Adventures of ACTION ITEM

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 09:45:00 +0000

Received this one from a fellow corporate whore down under – relevance to our daily trials…haha

LIVE CURRENCY RATES AND CONVERTER

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:13:00 +0000

CURRENCY CONVERTER

Currency Converter

LIVE CURRENCY RATES

Currency Converter

10 Years in the making - Google

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:35:00 +0000

Found an interesting article that compares Google's evolving algorithm. The results returned for the latest vs. the 2001 algorithm is well interesting. Fun times comparing the old with the new....

Try it > Google 2001

Alternatively > Google's timeline 1995 to 2008

Quirk – SEO / Internet BIBLE …get it while it’s hot

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:11:00 +0000

Quirk: 'An Internet Marketing Company That Knows the Industry'

Quirk have been doing the rounds for quite some time and they have been in Top form since day one.A mate worked for them in the past and that lead me to a dedicated following…

Quirk is at the forefront of the internet and all the buzz that creates it - SEO , Marketing , Consulting , Pay per click and the endless list continues.They published a great book , basically handing out their magical business secrets that made them such a success.

Rob Stokes is the man at the wheel and he and the quirk team have really put allot of effort into this book.I recommend the book if you want to be armed with the latest internet tactics.

It’s never too late to jump on the e-bandwagon > download their eBook for free ( 12.6 MB Direct pdf download) or purchase it…

Links:

Quirk Website 1
Quirk Website 2
Meet the Quirk Team

DONT MESS WITH TEXAS OR IS THAT IKE ?

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:14:00 +0000

Quality photos to visualise IKE’s destruction - America’s insurance fiend.... turning properties into islands since 2008 - category 2 speed!

STEAL THIS....SETH GODIN - IDEA VIRUS > FREE E-BOOK!

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:23:00 +0000

This is probably old news to the veterans out there, but I only got hold of this 2 months ago :/

So who is Seth Godin...?

"Take Leo Burnett, David Ogilvy, Bill Bernbach and Mark Twain. Combine their brains and shave their heads. What's left? Seth Godin." Jay Levinson, author of Guerrilla Marketing...

If you are interested in net trends, marketing , ad rants and haven’t heard of Seth...then this will be the rude awakening! Download it (737Kb) and speed up the reading while you're at it ....

HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:26:00 +0000

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet...

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God".

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

Furnished townhouse for rent

noreply@blogger.com ((T)HINKINGPUTTY) — Sun, 25 May 2008 22:54:00 +0000

Fully furnished townhouse, located in Gordons Bay on the mountain.

The unit offer spectacular views of Helderberg, Hottentots Holland mountain range and False Bay.

Details of property:

Fully Furnished > 2 Bedroom with 1 bathroom (shower and bath), Lounge with open plan kitchen, balcony with built in braai (BBQ) area, communal swimming pool and laundry facilities. Unit is in a secure complex located in a very safe area.

Unit can easily accommodate 1-4 people. Location details: Situated close to all amenities: Schools, Malls,(Somerset Mall) ,beaches(Gordons Bay, Bikini Beach, Strand and Kogelbay),Stellenbosch Wine lands and University (20km ) , Cape Town International Airport (25km) and Cape Town (45km).Unit is close to the caretaker of the complex and neighboring gardens are well looked after and maintained.

Availability and Price:

6-12months lease or longer if required.
R3000.00 per month + 1 Month deposit.

Please contact me via email if interested.