Thirty Days 'Til Motherhood

Oh How Things Change

2009-10-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

For the past 5 or so years, the years in which I thought and planned on becoming pregnant, I always had opinions or ideas on how things would go for me. I was set in my way on things like epidurals, breastfeeding, and parenting. But as my pregnancy progressed things started to change. I’m not sure what it was. I have been reading about pregnancy and babies for a long time, so it couldn’t just be a matter of knowledge and learning. Something has changed in me. People tell you pregnancy and parenthood changes you. I never wanted to believe it but I guess it’s true. Maybe I have just realized that life isn’t all about me.
I had always planned on getting an epidural as soon as I could. I was terrified of the pain and had no desire to take after my mom and go natural. And then suddenly towards the end of pregnancy I began to second guess this decision. Some of my choice did come from books I read about child birth and some came from the child brith class I took. I also began to question an epidural from hearing about experiences from other mothers on message boards.
The fact was that I really wanted to avoid the possible side effects, no matter how remote they are. The last thing I want is a spinal headache, nerve damage, or any other side effects. I also didn’t take to keenly to the idea of being stuck in bed through the entire labor process or the fact that I would need a catheter. I’m still not sure whether or not I will be able to manage my pain without and epidural but I plan to try my best. If worst comes to worst I will get the lightest epidural I can and live with it. I know that it is impossible to predict what will happen in labor and that I can’t possibly make a choice and think it will just workout perfectly. But my plan is to go natural.
The other major thing that has changed for me is my opinion on breastfeeding. Ever since I was a teenager I have had no desire to breastfeed at all. Not even in the hospital in the first couple of days after my baby is born. But early in my pregnancy my husband brought up how good it is for the baby and that I should at least give it a try. I thought, yeah right that’s easy for you to say, you’re not the one that will have cracked and bleeding nipples or breasts that sag to your waist. Soon my sister brought up the fact that breast change with age and whether you like it or not they will begin to droop anyways. I also read about how correct positioning and other techniques can help you avoid as much pain during breast feeding. And whether I like it or not my breast have already began to change while I have been pregnant so why shouldn’t I just give it a shot.
All I really know is that I have hopes and plans and that life will just happen. Maybe breastfeeding will be a piece of cake, maybe it will be a nightmare. Maybe I will handle the pain of childbirth like and champ or maybe I will cry like a baby. All I know is that I’m not the only one that matters here anymore and I am ok with that. So my breasts may be changed forever and so what if things in the labor room are vastly different from what I planned. I am going to have a beautiful baby girl and a wonderful family. That’s what really matters.

Parenting and bonding with my little girl…who is still baking

2009-10-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I worry that I haven’t talked enough to my unborn baby. It feels so unnatural somehow. I’ll chat here and there with her, mostly in response to a kick or somersault. But I don’t really have conversations with her. I’ve read to her and that felt much more comfortable as I’ve always loved reading to kids.

My dear friend and neighbor, Faye, loved talking to baby and was so at ease doing it. This often leaves me feeling like a bad mommy. Will Faye be more bonded with my little one? Even my husband talks to my belly and our little girl more frequently than I ever could have imagined. Will our baby cry for him when I try to calm her? I’ve started to feel that she will know and love me all the same.

She and I will always have the special bond of sharing the little space she calls home. I think my warm gentle rubs on her tiny feet and hands when she pushes them against my belly will always be special for both of us.

I just can’t bring myself to have a conversation with her about my day. And maybe that’s because it’s our day. We are always together and in a way we share my experiences. Maybe we bond and communicate in a more internal way than I can ever imagine. We are connected after all. Maybe she can sense my thoughts and feelings.

Discussing current events with her won’t make me anymore connected to her. She won’t know I’m her mother because I told her about weapons testing in the Middle East or about what famous people are up to.

We share our own unique bond. We share our lives every minute of everyday. For now this quiet bond is the perfect parenting style for me.

A Procrastinators Guide to the Last Month of Pregnancy

2009-10-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

This is my first pregnancy and to date it has been fairly easy and yet very busy. Right before finding out we were expecting my husband and I decided to move back to the west to be closer to friends and family. Soon after we were buying our fist home and planning for our first baby.
Did I mention our due date is exactly one day after our one year anniversary? Things are moving fast whether I like it or not.
As a procrastinator the beginning of pregnancy seemed so far from the end. I had tons of time. Then suddenly I'm eight months pregnant just starting to unpack after a cross country move. Add to that a week of bedrest after a little scare, a painful pinched nerve in my hip, and this third trimester has been very hectic.
Luckily for me, I do very well when things get close to due dates, school assignments, bills, packing for trips (or cross country moves). That's not to say I don't get the occasional panicked feeling followed by a good cry. But for the most part pressure helps me to complete my tasks.
So here I am just under 30 days from my expected due date and I am happy making lists and checking things off. Lists seem to be the key to completing projects in the last month of pregnancy. That and help from family and friends. I do still need the occasional nudge in the right direction. I feel blessed to have moved near my parents and to have my mothers helpful reminders and even offers to assist in some of the bigger projects.
I think those are truly my keys to success. I can't wait for my baby girl to arrive and I can only hope that I will continue to push through the lists that always seem to multiply when I'm not looking. And I know I'll get the help every procrastinator needs once in awhile.
Most women probably have everything finished way before this point in pregnancy, but this is just how I do things. In the end life will work out, the important things will get done and my growing family will have everything they truly need.