This Ain't Julia, Child!

SHE 'SOUPS' TO CONQUER

2012-02-11T10:32:00.000-06:00

Well, it's mid-February in New Orleans and Winter has finally decided to pay a visit.

We did Trick Or Treat in shirt sleeves, Christmas in flip-flops but now it looks like Valentine's Day will be great 'snuggle' weather. Finally. Don't blink y'all. Winter lasts about one weekend down here.

And with Mardi Gras a little over a week or so away, you can hear the glue guns buzzing across the city. Like some mega-episode of "Project Runway," self-proclaimed costumers are busy at work designing - and re-designing - their works of art for the big day. With the arrival of Old Man Winter, I'm thinking some folks are going back to the drawing board. So much for that Lady Godiva look!

Anywho, when the weather turns nippy, I think 'sippy' - as in cup 'o soup. That brings us to why we're here.

My dear husband, the brilliant actor, has been starring in a production of "Hairspray" down here. Kids' future therapy bills aside, it's been a great experience for the whole family. A great experience, that is, except for the nasty sinus infection which He picked up backstage and then shared with the rest of us.

So, with the weather getting colder - and everyone feeling decidedly lousy, I was inspired to make something to warm us up from the inside out. Thus, today's recipe: Lump Crab and Butternut Squash Bisque. Seriously, y'all this is heaven by the spoonful! Good for what ails you - or just plain good. And, as is always my goal, it's a velvety-smooth way to sneak a bowl full of beta-carotene-rich veggies into my unsuspecting offspring. (Cue evil laugh.)

LUMP CRAB & BUTTERNUT SQUASH BISQUE

Olive oil
1 stick of butter
1 large, sweet onion
3 cloves of garlic
2 1bs of butternut squash, peeled and cubed
1/2 cup white wine
2 cups of chicken stock
3 bay leaves
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon Old Bay Seasoning
1 cup of cream
1 cup of lump crab meat
crab for garnish

Get a heavy, thick pot with a lid and coat the bottom with olive oil. Place the stick of butter in and let it melt over low heat. Chop the onion. Peel and slice (not chop) garlic. Add both to the pot and let them saute over medium heat until translucent - do not burn the garlic! Stir periodically as this cooks for around 5 minutes. Now, add the squash. Stir. Should be bubbling and smelling good by now. With heat on medium, cover the pot to smother the squash. Check and stir every 5 minutes. After about 20 minutes - when the squash cubes are starting to soften, add the white wine. Cook, uncovered for 10 minutes to burn off the alcohol. Smells good, right? Now add the chicken stock, herbs and seasoning. Cover and let the whole thing simmer until the squash is really tender - about 15 minutes. Now, remove the bay leaves and process the soup till smooth. I use a wand blender right in the pot. Add salt now - to taste - or just let folks add salt at the table if they choose. Now add the cream and stir to incorporate. Keep the flame low so as not to curdle the cream. Carefully clean the shells from a cup of lump crab meat - trying not to break up the lumps. Gently fold that into the bisque. Serve with lump crab garnish on top each bowl. YUM!!!!

WOW! It is so gratifying to watch my kids enjoying this bowl of golden goodness. Hey, you think I could EVER get them to eat a bowl of buttered squash? NEVER. But THIS stuff? They will polish off the whole pot if I let them. Sometimes, you must 'soup' to conquer, my friend!

So, welcome Mardi Gras and welcome Winter. Time to drag out my nutria coat and sip a cup of solid gold! Enjoy, y'all!

PEAS TO PLEASE

2011-11-23T15:54:00.000-06:00

OK, I have been remiss. I haven't visited this blog lately because LIFE keeps getting the the way.

Just got an email from someone who said my dear husband is on the radio right now telling people to visit my blog for Thanksgiving recipes. That's fine. In fact, that's awesome. Enjoy! Only problem is, the recipe that started all this interest isn't yet on my blog. Shame on me.

So, for everyone who asked, here's my recipe for PEAS ROCKEFELLER. They are simple and simply divine! Mine are already made and in the fridge to be heated up tomorrow. You can seriously throw this together in minutes and your family will RAVE!

PEAS ROCKEFELLER

1 stick of butter
1 tbsp of olive oil
2 tbsp chopped garlic
4 cans of petit pois peas (reserve 1 can's liquid)
herbs de provence
Peychaud bitters
Italian breadcrumbs

Melt the butter with the olive oil. Add the garlice and saute till you can smell the nutty garlic flavor. DON'T BROWN THE GARLIC - it will turn bitter. Now add all the peas at once. Add herbs de provence - app. a tblsp. Stir them around. When they start to simmer, add several (your taste) dashes of Peychaud bitters. Add breadcrumbs and pea liquid. Stir. Allow it all to simmer to thicken the sauce. Done!

My kids call these 'fancy peas.' I call them 'easy peasy.'

Enjoy!

Clafouti Patootie!

2011-09-12T10:44:00.002-05:00

OK, so that headline means absolutely nothing. I just couldn't resist the rhyme! (What a goober, right?)

Anywho, I've been soooo busy, y'all! Been shooting a TV pilot, getting kids in school, rehearsing a play. In short, I've been burning the candle at three different ends! All good stuff, however, but I've missed blogging!

Well, this morning the planets have all aligned and I actually have a minute to touch base. How've YOU been? Missed me? Come on, lie.

Anyway, the great thing about this play I'm doing is that it motivated me to research and try a new recipe! Great, huh? You KNEW I'd find a way to work some stove time into the mix, yes?

The play is a wonderful, funny, violent play called "GOD OF CARNAGE," which I'm doing with my husband, Spud McConnell (my favorite actor) and two other wonderful thespians: Lara Grice and Gary Rucker. We've been having a swell time rehearsing and the crew at Southern Rep Theatre in New Orleans is amazing! Our director, Ricky Graham, is a comic genius. The play, by Yasmin Riza, swept the Tony Awards when it debuted on Broadway in 2009. Now I know why! It's a great show.

The thing about this play is that CLAFOUTI (one of France's national treasures) figures prominently into the storyline. What is clafouti? Yeah, that's what WE said. So, we went on a quest to find locally-available items that might 'stand in' for clafouti: cheesecake, apple pie, pudding in a crust. Nothing seemed right. But, then again, we weren't 100% sure what clafouti even looked like.

Finally, I said, "That's it!" I dragged out my cookbooks and did my homework. And here is the result of my quest. Enjoy!

GINGER/PEAR CLAFOUTI

2 ripe pears (not mushy), peeled and sliced thinly
2 tsp fresh minced ginger
1 cup gingerbread cookies, crumbled
2 tbsp sugar
2 tsp pear brandy
3/4 all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup sugar
3 eggs, slightly beaten
2 cups whole milk
1 tsp pure vanilla extract

Heat oven to 375 and spray a 9 x 12 glass casserole or equivalent round pie plate. Arrange the pears on the bottom of the pan - they look nice fanned out, but they taste good no matter what! Sprinkle the pears with the 2 tbsp sugar, the ginger and the pear brandy. Let that sit a minute to release some juices while you work on the batter. Now, whisk the flour, salt, and 1/2 cup sugar until all the dry ingredients are blended. You may even add a little nutmeg or cinnamon at this point, if you like. Add the eggs, milk and vanilla and mix till the lumps are gone. Pour slowly (so as not to mess up your pretty pear 'fans') over the pears to distribute evenly. Sprinkle the top with the ginger cookie crumbles. Now, bake for 40-45 minutes until the whole thing 'poufs' up like a souffle and loses its 'jiggle.' Leave it to the French to come up with a 'poufy' and 'jiggly' dessert. Let it get slightly golden but don't overcook it or it will be chewy. Nothing worse that chewy caflouti (well, it almost rhymes). As it cools, the pouf will settle down.

Voila! (Couldn't resist!) Serve this, preferably, warm either dusted with confectioner's sugar or topped with a 'bouffant' of spiced whipped cream. C'est magnifique!

Bonjour! Bon apetit!

USING THE OLE BEAN!

2011-07-15T18:11:00.002-05:00

First off, I swear, y'all, 'Gawd' don't want me to blog! Since I wrote last, I've had two computers go totally dead and I dropped my new 'smart' phone into the toilet. Not too 'smart' of me. But, enough about that, I'm back...again!

It's one of those days when I started off on the computer looking up all things that start with "all" and wound up at "pancreatitis." Don't ask. Anyway, next thing you know, one of the kids comes up and says, "Mom, what's for supper?" How about, "Panic, with a side of No-Idea and You-Got-Me for dessert." Yeah, you've been there too.

BLUE RUNNER BEANS TO THE RESCUE!

Here it is, down and dirty and sure to please:
2 cans Blue Runner White Beans
1.5 lb smoked ham, cut in cubes
1 cup trinity
2 tbsp bacon fat
3 bay leaves
steamed rice

Get a heavy pot. Turn on medium heat. Add bacon fat. Add trinity and ham. Stir till veggies wilt and ham gets a little brown on edges. Add the beans. Add the bay leaves. Season to taste. Let simmer for around five minutes. Stir to prevent sticking. Steam some rice (read the package). YUM! And all this happens in, like, 10 minutes.

Serve with a green salad and french bread with lots of butter.

Dear Mr. BlueRunner,

I love you.

Sincerely,
Mo

AN ODE TO BLUE RUNNER BEANS

by Maureen Brennan McConnell

Beloved legume

Oh, Bean sublime -

Thou savest me

Beacoups of time.

Into a pot

From can you flip,

And Entree make

In just a 'zip.'

Oh, creamy Bean,

'Food Art' thou am-

Especially with

Thy pickled ham.

So "Mom" can feed

Her "Jills and Jacks"

Whilst on her 'duff'

She doth relax!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must check the oven. I think my You-Got-Me is almost done. ;o)

Hope y'all are having a great Summer! Have fun with beans! http://youtu.be/4moPhSeDWFI

I FOUND MY THRILL

2011-06-14T13:37:00.000-05:00

I always wondered what ole Fats Domino found up there on that hill. Now I think I know. Well, one of the things, anyway!

See, in my world, thrills come pretty cheap. I can have three people, standing in line, waiting to smother my face in kisses by simply yelling one word across the house: "PAAAAN-CAAAAAKES!" That word, "pancakes" can produce a stampede like only a new episode of (fill in the name of whatever kid show drives you nuts) can.

Now, our area of the world is known for many wonderful things: jazz, riverboats, gumbo, art, movies, coffee - you name it. But one of my favorite unsung heroes of this land of plenty is the blueberry. And right now, they're fat and juicy. Our good friend, Mr. Jay, brings us some from his farm on the northshore and we promptly put them to good use!

And so, on day 12(?) of CAMP MOMMY, we're having Blueberry Pancakes with real maple syrup for breakfast. For those of you 'spoiled' by instant pancake mixes like Bisquick, prepare to be amazed at what you can do with stuff that was hanging around your house anyway. I like to teach my kids the 'real' way to do things (i.e. without marketing budgets attached) so that they can always enjoy life - even at times when they might find themselves so broke that they can't even pay attention. [rimshot]

BLUEBERRY THRILL PANCAKES
3 cups all-purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons sugar
scant teaspoon salt
4 eggs
2.5 cups of milk
dash of maple flavoring
1/4 cup melted butter
Put first 4 ingredients in bowl and stir to incorporate. Add the rest of the ingredients and stir and stir until the mixture is creamy. A mixmaster makes this job much easier, if you have one. Heat a flat pan to almost smoking. Lightly coat with cooking spray. Pour batter on by spoonsful. When the side facing you starts to "bubble," turn the pancake. Leave it cook for 30 more seconds and it's done. If you see any 'shiny' areas on the sides, let them cook a little longer.

If you are lucky enough to have blueberries, rinse them well and place them in a large bowl. Sprinkle with any sweetener - if you choose to. I also splash a bit of vanilla on mine and mix them thoroughly. And if you are lucky enough to be in Louisiana right now (the old joke says, "Well, then you're lucky enough!") look on line for the many blueberry farms that are open for picking your own bucket.

To serve, pile a few pancakes on the plate. Cut them into pieces (this way the syrup gets more soaked in). Cover with a mess of berries and maple syrup. WOW!!

Everybody sing....."I found my thrill, on Blueberry Hill....."
Comments? aintjuliachild@gmail

IF IT'S MONDAY IN NEW ORLEANS.....

2011-06-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

I'll never forget one time when I read an article where 'red beans and rice' was described as 'gourmet food.' Gourmet?? What a laugh! Can't remember where I read that.

In New Orleans, red beans and rice is convenience food, digestible culture, staff of life, maybe, but gourmet? No. And no other day of the week evokes this staple dish more than Monday. Monday, the day we spend digging out from the excess of the weekend. It is a day filled with laundry, mopping, toilet scrubbing - everything BUT cooking. A pot of beans on the stove - or in the crock pot - frees the Domestic Czar (read: mom) to more pressing business. Free? Well, let's say "available." But then, it could be worse:

YIKES!!

In my mom's day, beans were a two day process. On day one, you'd rinse the beans picking out bits of mud or rock. Then they'd sit in a pot of water and soak to soften them. On the second day, the beans would cook slowly with mom tethered to the kitchen for repeated stirring and monitoring. I (and I'm sure legions of other modern moms) have devised a more streamlined approach that condenses the whole shebang into one day and requires a minimum of supervision.

"QUICK" RED BEANS ala crockpot
1 pound of dry red beans
1.5 pounds of smoked sausage
1 cup of trinity
several bay leaves
your favorite dry seasoning
Pour dry beans into your crock. Rinse the beans (twice) and pull out any weird bits. Now, slice the smoked sausage and add to the crock. (You can also use any other type of seasoning meat - or none at all.) Add the trinity, bay leaves and your favorite dry seasoning. Now, cover the whole mess with BOILING water (or stock if you really want to layer some flavors!). Adding the liquid already boiling confuses the beans and makes them think they've been cooking two hours already. Cool, huh? Speeds up the whole process. And you'll still have plenty of time to undo the weekend 'kiddie bomb.' Set the crock pot to 'high' and the beans will be ready in around 5 hours. Set it to 'low' and add another 3 hours to that. Just depends on how much of a hurry you're in (or how dirty your house is!)

Check your beans about half way through to give them a stir and add a little more liquid if needed.

About 25 minutes before you're ready to eat, put some rice to steam and toss a salad. Add some french bread and butter and a pitcher of mint sweet tea. Gourmet? Gourmaybe.... But that's a stretch when you're eating them on the patio under a umbrella.

Now, you know there will be leftover beans. Here's what I like to do the next day. Throw the leftovers in a pot. Add half the amount of bean volume in cream. Stir over low heat. Now, get out your wand immersion blender and whip up the whole pot into a smooth, cream of bean soup.

I have a picky teenager so, at our house, we call this Chili Soup. Add some ground cumin to taste, top the bowl with sour cream and cheese. She's none the wiser that she's really eating red beans ("Ewwww, mom").

That's our little secret......k? Now, if you'll excuse me, my mop is calling.....

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And share my web address: www.thisaintjuliachild.com
Please keep the tornado victims in your prayers and do whatever little thing you can to help them recover.

I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM

2011-06-04T13:34:00.001-05:00

Well, it had to happen. Summer is here. We made it through the last-minute flurry of final exams, piano recitals and field day. And so the question begs, "Now what?"

As Camp Mommy kicks into high gear, I consider myself fully-prepared. Memberships are updated to the Zoo, Aquarium, Children's Museum and City Park amusement area. I've located the fishing rods in the shed. Bike tires are pumped up. The blazing southern sun hasn't made the pool feel like bath water yet...YET. Wii is online. Library cards stand at the ready. I should be cool, right? RIGHT?!?

And then it starts, "Mo-o-o-m, she's hogging the remo-o-ote!" BING! Round One of the summer battles begins. I SCREAM. YOU SCREAM. Just wait till they get really bored. That, my friends, is when I pull out my secret weapons.

There is no amount of summertime angst that cannot be soothed over with something cold and sweet. For a $6 investment at the local dollar store, I have bought myself ALOT of sanity with a few little FREEZY POP trays. I figure each pop I make will cost somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 cents. Have you priced the ice cream truck lately??? Three dollars for a nasty pop that looks like a demented Spongebob (Redundant? Discuss.) and tastes like nothing that exists in nature? $3 each??? Really????

And my pops won't have a drop of high fructose corn syrup. In fact, they'll have fruit, vitamins, milk and fiber! All summer long, we'll have fun coming up with new concoctions to tickle our taste buds (and soothe the savage beasts). Here is our first set of recipes.

BrrrrNANA POPS
2 ripe bananas
1/3 cup of milk (I used canned pet milk)
1/2 cup of fresh, ripe pineapple chunks (you can use canned)
1/3 cup sweetner (sugar, Splenda...up to you)
1 tbsp honey
pinch of cinnamon
I am always looking for ways to use up ripe bananas. In the winter, I make bread but this is a great idea for summer. Just blend everything together and pour into a freezy pop tray. You can also use small cups with wooden sticks that you can get at the store. This batch makes 8 pops. If you have leftover, throw some ice cubes into the blender and enjoy a quick smoothie.

PEANUT BUTTER CUP POPS

1 ripe banana

2/3 cup milk

1/2 cup peanut butter

1 tbsp condensed milk

1/3 cup mini chocolate chips
Blend all ingredients except the chips. Stir in the chips. Freeze in your pop tray. This batch makes 4 pops.

I had lots of the second batch left so I whipped it up with ice in the blender. Put it in a fancy milkshake glass, added a large marshmallow, some chips for garnish and a sprinkle of cinnamon for color. VOILA!

Summer Bliss. Summer Blessing! And then the teenager said, "This is awesome. My mouth's havin' a party!" A happy teen - and no one is in the car or spending a fortune? That, my friends....Summer Miracle!

Shhhh......hear that?? It's the sound of PEACE IN A POP TRAY. Amen. Can I get a witness????

Thanks to my friend Pam for inspiration and taste testing!

Please pray for the victims of the tornadoes and do what you can to help them.

Questions? Comments? aintjuliachild@gmail.com

RED HOT MAMMACITA

2011-05-16T21:39:00.002-05:00

You won't believe the day I had!

This morning, I woke up early. I slicked my hair back and put on my most intimidating spring ensemble. OK, well, you can't be too scary in crinkly gauze with hot pink toenails but I didn't let that stop me! You see, today was the day the Tree Butchers were coming to 'trim' my crepe myrtles away from the power lines.

Maybe you've seen their work? They've systematically turned the metro area into a Killing Fields of half-dead and mangled trees. There's formerly mighty oaks, whacked halfway up. Cypress trees whose familiar triangular shapes are left looking like half a toddler's puzzle. Tree BUTCHERS. Not in my yard!!

So, I set myself up on the patio with a tall iced tea and my laptop and waited. With a squint that would rival Dirty Harry, I greeted them at the gate and laid down 'the rules' for how this trimming would go down. I discovered that Tree Butchers don't take direction very well. And by their constant chattering, totally in Spanish, they were not at all happy with "La Gringa" (read: me).

They went on and on, in Espanol, referring to "the whore" who "doesn't understand Spanish" who they "don't give a ..." what I thought. You get the idea. But, unknown to The Butchers, La Gringa studied Spanish for four years and, therefore, got every word they said. I stood by, smirking on the inside, monitoring them while they laughed at my expense (or so they thought). And then, it was my turn. When I said it was time to stop trimming with, "No mas. Esta bien." (No more. That's good.) They just about left a load of fertilizer in their pantalones. Victory!!

And so.....fresh on the wings of that victory over the Tree Butchers, I celebrated with a romp in my kitchen. The best parties happen in the kitchen, after all!

RED PEPPERS WITH FETA STUFFING
9 red peppers, caps and seeds removed, rinsed inside & out
3 cups cooked rice
1/2 cup crumbled feta
1/2 cup grated parmesan
1/2 cup cooked, chopped broccoli
1 large egg, slightly beaten
1 tbsp fresh chopped mint
1 tbsp fresh chopped basil
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried thyme
Seasoning - your favorite blend
After preparing the peppers, mix rice with all the other ingredients. Stuff the peppers with this mixture and replace the 'caps' on the peppers. Place the peppers on a greased cookie sheet, spray them with canola oil spray, sprinkle the exteriors with more seasoning. Place them in a pre-heated 375 degree oven and bake for 30 minutes until the peppers are soft. Enjoy! These are great as a vegetarian entree or side dish. Try spinach instead of broccoli and add some chopped black olives.

You know, it's the small victories that mean the most to me anymore. I've given up on conquering the world - that's for kids. For now: my floor is mopped, I worked on my cookbook, folded some clothes, cooked a great meal for my family. And, as I do the dinner dishes, I gaze out my window to three healthy, happy crepe myrtles that are NOT butchered. Not bad for a 'puta.' ;o)

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And please share my address with your friends: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
Hello to my new friends in Canada and Algeria. Please pray for those affected by the Mississippi River floods.

PIMP MY SHRIMP

2011-05-03T19:06:00.000-05:00

Oh, I have missed y'all so! Been crazy shooting movies, nursing sick kids and dealing with end-of-school events. NUTS! But, through it all, I have managed to eat a decent meal or two. And now I want to share!

Nothing says "summer's coming" like a mess of shrimp! And nobody loved shrimp more than my Mamma. That little Cajun gal could whip through a pound of peelings faster than a nine year old chasing an ice cream truck in August. And, oh, the magic she could do then...etouffees, gumbos, bisques, or breaded and fried. In fact, my Mamma bought an extra, full-sized freezer just so she could fill every shelf with seafood.

When I was a kid, we spent our summers at our little camp in Clermont Harbor, Mississippi. (Think "ground zero" of Katrina. I HAD a little purple house there. Now I have a driveway with a beach view.) In fact, half of New Orleans would move over there for the summer and the dads would commute back to the city for work.  Those were simple, golden days pulled straight from an episode of Andy Griffith.

At the end of the summer, while we packed up to head home. My Mamma would head to the Bayou Caddy pier where all the fishermen sold their bounty. She'd get the biggest ice chest she could fit in the huge trunk of our circa 1967 gas-guzzler, and fill it to the brim with shrimp and ice. We'd get back to New Orleans, and everyone, big and small, would prepare the shrimp for The Big Sleep in our Frigidaire Freezer. We'd pull off the heads, rinse them clean and cram as many shrimp as possible into every piece of Tupperware and used margarine tubs that we could fine. Finally, all the shelves would be filled and we'd be 'set' for a winter filled with gumbos and other goodies that Yankees only dream about!

So, last year when the BP oil spill threatened the Gulf, I ran out to every store within reach of my house and bought up as much shrimp as I could. There was no way of knowing what that disaster would do to the seafood population and I wasn't taking ANY chances. Like my Mamma taught me, I came home, took off the heads, washed the shrimp and filled every Tupperware and butter container I had with shrimp. Filled TWO freezers!  My Mamma would be so proud! But now, I feel the need to use my hoarded shrimp and so, to wit, I created a dish that my Mamma never imagined!

PIMP MY SHRIMP
3 pounds of tiny salad style shrimp - peeled and washed
1 large white onion
2 roasted red peppers, julienne sliced
1 stick of butter
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup white wine
2 tbsp thyme
2 cups of cooked rice
1 cup steamed, chopped broccoli
1 can cream of shrimp soup, condensed
1 cup of grated cheddar cheese
This is one of those casseroles that's a whole meal - got every major food group covered. Well, except chocolate! Preheat your oven to 350. First, cook the rice and steam the broccoli and set those aside. Now, in a large, heavy pan, melt the butter and olive oil. Add the chopped onion and let it wilt. Add the red pepper and let that wilt. Now add the shrimp and some wine. Stir and let that simmer until the shrimp turn pink and start to smell good. Trust your nose! Now add the cream of shrimp soup and the thyme. Stir and let it start to bubble. Turn it off. Grease a 9 x 12 casserole dish. Now fill it half way up with rice. Cover the rice with steamed broccoli.   Sprinkle with cheese. Now pour the shrimp mixture over it all. Cover the shrimp with more cheese. Now slide that in the oven and cook for 10 minutes or so until the whole thing is bubbly.

You can serve this with a green salad and crusty french bread. Pour some wine and you'll be eatin' like royalty!

Now, honestly, my Mamma just rolled in her grave at the thought of me coming anywhere NEAR some shrimp with a can of condensed soup. But, hey, in these fast times, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! So, all you hard-core 'foodies' go ahead and make a shrimp stock, then a white cream sauce and marry the two, and let them reduce and reduce and reduce. I'll be busy eatin'. Sorry, Mamma.

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And please share my web address: www.thisaintjuliachild.com
P.S. Please pray for our brave troops everywhere.

PLEASE, PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD

2011-04-08T10:17:00.001-05:00

Remember my Saucy Breasts? Didn't think those would be hanging around long, did ya? (NOTE TO SELF: Never use the words "my breasts hanging around long" on the same line. Ouch!) Well, you KNOW I love leftovers more than anything. I really do think it's fun to come up with creative ways to re-invent food. It's my concept of Food Recycling, you know? So, I took those Saucy Chicken Breasts, shredded the meat really well and.....well, let me start at the beginning.

You see, there was this tornado. Yeah, that's right, I said tornado. We were sitting around watching "Gone With The Wind" for like the umpteenth time and pulling for General Lee (we ARE Southerners, after all), when suddenly, the lights flashed and a loud wind whipped up. Next thing you know, we were in the middle of "The Wizard Of Oz." It was freaky y'all.

So, next came cleanup time. And the question begged: what does one SERVE at a tornado cleanup event? The answer: Saucy Chicken Breast Pizza or Leftover Pizza (if you don't have Saucy Breasts hanging around). Why? Because we had the ingredients and it was really easy to fix in between picking up branches, broken bits of my car and a foreign patio umbrella that floated over our fence. I did two versions: one with sundried tomatoes and one without. Here's the basic recipe. It's so easy, your cat could do it (if she had opposable thumbs).

LEFTOVER PIZZA
Leftover protein (I had chicken but use whatever you've got)
Pre-made pizza crust (in a tube or shrink-wrapped from the store)
Sauce (you can use pizza sauce, pesto, sundried tomatoes etc.)
Veggies (watcha got?)
Cheese - lots!
OK, I used the crust in a tube variety. Rolled them out into two 9 x 12 greased pans. On the first crust, I spread pesto and sprinkled chopped sundried tomatoes and mushrooms all about. On the second crust, just pesto. (Guess which one is for the kids??) Then I shredded the saucy chicken evenly over the raw crusts. On the 'grownup' pizza, I sprinkled grated, fresh Parmesan cheese. On the 'kids' pizza, loads and load of cheddar (because that's what they like). Into a 425 degree oven for about 15 minutes and voila! I added a tossed salad and some baby carrots for fun.

Of course, you can do the same with whatever you've got hanging around. How about Alfredo sauce with chopped shrimp and sprinkled with Mozzarella? Or red pepper puree with shredded pork, caramelized onions and covered with Montery Jack? Or maybe black beans with grilled chicken strips, smothered in cheddar and finished with chopped fresh cilantro and sour cream? Fun, huh? That should be the point!

You know, ever since they were tiny, I've always tried to teach my kids to do the "right" (read: grownup) thing. "Sit up straight." "Brush your teeth." "Don't play with your food." And they've learned well to be responsible young citizens. But, when the wind kicked up the other night, I saw three scared little kids heading for our 'safe room' with blankies and lovies clasped tightly in hand. For a minute, it was Katrina all over again and all I wanted to do was scoop up my three frightened babies and make it all better.

And so, on this night of cleaning up the damage (physical and emotional), I said, "Please, play with your food!" And they DID!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And share my web address with your friends: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.@gmail.com
Please pray for our country.

MO'S SAUCY BREASTS

2011-04-05T20:43:00.001-05:00

Last night, I presented my husband some amazing breasts. Now, my husband is a HUGE fan of breasts, I, however, prefer dark meat. That's one of the reasons I married him - no one to compete with for the drumsticks. Of course, after three kids, now we cook pans of mutant chickens with the usual number of breasts, wings and thighs, but with multiple drumsticks. (Here's a special "shout out" to the genius at the supermarket who came up with those packs of "drumsticks only" for families like ours.)

And, while we're on the subject of breasts, have you had your mammogram yet? I got mine today. Not a fan of those either, but, hey it's a necessary evil. Wish they could squeeze something else between two sheets of glass like, I dunno, my drumsticks?

Anyway, my husband ran across a great deal on chicken breasts - $1.00 a pound - so he bought a bunch. Let's face it, have you seen a man yet that can resist cheap breasts?? Thought so. Now, I find chicken breasts a bit dry for my taste, so I came up with a recipe to keep things saucy. And so, in honor of my husband (and my mammogram), here's Mo's Saucy Breasts.

MO'S SAUCY BREASTS
6 chicken breasts - bone in, skin on, washed
olive oil
5 branches of fresh rosemary (fresh from my garden)
1 medium sliced onion
6 cloves of garlic
roasted red peppers
2 cups of sliced mushrooms
1 lemon - cut in quarters and seeds removed
1/4 cup breadcrumbs
3 cups of white wine
your favorite seasoning - to taste
Wash your breasts. (You finished chuckling? OK, let's continue.) Cover the bottom of a heavy pan with olive oil. Slice the onion thickly and drop in the slices over medium heat. Stir a bit. Now place the chicken breasts, skin against the pot, and let them cook until the skin starts to brown a little - about 5-10 minutes. Turn the chicken over. Now add the garlic, peppers (2-3 of the jarred variety), mushrooms (fresh, sliced), lemon, rosemary and 2 cups of wine. When the pot starts to boil, cover it and place it in a preheated 375 degree oven for one hour.

Remove the pot at one hour and put the chicken breasts on a plate. Remove the lemon and rosemary from the pot. To the remaining juices, whisk in the breadcrumbs, then add one more cup of wine. Let this simmer over medium heat while you attend to the chicken. Remove as much bones and skin as possible from each breast and place the yummy hunks of meat back into the simmering sauce. Ideally, the meat should be nearly shredding and soaking up all that delicious juice.

It is with all due modesty that I feel justified in declaring that MY BREASTS ARE BODACIOUS! Try this recipe and I think you'll have to agree. I served them with penne al pesto, buttery broccoli and crispy garlic bread. As the kids say, OMG! Impressed yet? Just wait, because now comes the leftovers - but that will have to wait till next time!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com Please share my web address with your friends: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
Please pray for our troops, Japan and Libya. Hello to my friends all over the world!

A SILK PURSE FOR SUPPER

2011-03-31T20:37:00.000-05:00

It's so much fun to discover 'something' in a bunch of 'nothing,' isn't it? Like, those people you see on tv who've bought a beat up old picture at a garage sale - only to find some priceless masterpiece hidden beneath it. Of course, stuff like that never happens to ME, so I have to create my own little "tadaaa" moments for myself. I still find it amusing, but then, I'm easily amused. Just ask my husband and my kids.

Anywho, our story today starts with a gift. You like it already? My sweet Canadian-Chinese(-French?) neighbor went to the Irish-Italian parade (yes, they indeed NEVER end) and brought me back 5 heads of cabbage. Now, despite the fact that giving cabbage to an Irishwoman is a little like bringing sand to the beach, I was thrilled.

I immediately went to work, peeling away the 'funky' outer layers of the cabbages and then coring, slicing, and washing them thoroughly. I wound up with a mountain 'o cabbage - as you can see....

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. You see, when I was growing up, if you ate cabbage, it was one of two ways: boiled with ham or smothered in bacon fat. If it was boiled with ham, you'd get a huge pot of basically cabbage soup: cabbage, ham chunks, potato chunks, maybe carrots and you'd sop up the juices with loaf after loaf of buttered french bread. But, down here in New Orleans, it's grilling season - when the evenings are mild and the mosquitoes are still wintering somewhere like Cuba. So, tonight, it's Smothered Cabbage in Bacon Fat as a side dish to some grilled pork fingers. Oh yeah....

Looka dat bacon! Some food is just sexy - makes me wanna crank up the Barry White while I'm cooking. And the way it "sizzles" sounds like the symbol in a burlesque act. Well, this is where our dish begins.

SMOTHERED CABBAGE IN BACON FAT
5 heads of cabbage
1 sliced onion
1 lb of bacon
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp of your favorite seasoning blend
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp cider vinegar
water - as needed
Core, slice and wash your cabbage and allow it to drain. Meanwhile, in a large, deep pan, fry your bacon to crisp (yeah, baby), reserving all the gorgeous fat in the bottom of the pan. Save the bacon for later (unless you live at my house, then HIDE IT IMMEDIATELY or it will disappear). Add the olive oil to the bacon fat over medium heat. Now add the onion and stir a bit. Let the onion wilt. Now add the cabbage. You may have to do this in steps. Trust me, a mountain of cabbage cooks down to less than half its original bulk. Now, you'll want to let this cook, covered, to start it wilting. Check every 10-15 minutes and 'turn' the whole thing carefully - with two utensils - like tossing a salad. This process will take a while but it's worth it! This ain't fast food, y'all!

When the cabbage has 'softened' you can continue to cook it uncovered. You may even crank up the heat to medium-high at this point and check it more often. You want it to start to caramelize and, remember, the more brown it gets, the sweeter it is - like dark friend onion rings, you know? YUM!!! At this point, you can add the brown sugar and cider vinegar - you always want balance: sweet & sour & salt together. That's the stuff that dreams are made of!

I served mine with lovely grilled pork and sweet potato fries that I flash-fried in some more bacon fat till they were crispy brown on the outside. YOWZA! That sweet and spicy cabbage with that salty pork and starchy sweet potatoes...light the candles and dust off that Donna Summer album. On second thought, maybe you shouldn't strike a match....just sayin'.

So, you see, sometimes greatness comes from the most humble beginnings. And, if you can get past the fact that frying cabbage smells something like "Bean Night" at the Fraternity House, you will be thrilled with the final result. Go ahead, open the window and make a 'silk purse' to go with your pork too!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And please share my address with your friends: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
Please pray for our troops, the people of Japan & Haiti and for peace in the Middle East.

Presto Pesto Cream Sauce

2011-03-22T13:37:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I even amaze myself. Sound egotistical? It's not. What it means is, I SAY I'm going to do something - not remotely sure that I actually CAN do it - and then I actually pull it off. Wow. Who knew?

Such was the case of the Meatless Italian buffet that I promised my nearest and dearest on the occasion of my annual St. Patty's Day party. It was pretty terrific, if I do say so. There was my Caprice Salad/Antipasto platter, Roasted Veggies in garlic with Balsamic reduction drizzle, and, of course, Mamma's Baked Spaghetti. That was all good but the last-minute star of the show was Crawfish Alfredo Pesto Cream sauce. It was inspired. In fact, it was a miracle! Here it is:

CRAWFISH ALFREDO PESTO CREAM SAUCE
2 sticks of butter (OK, I'll give you a minute....)
1 cup all-purpose flour (added in steps)
3 quarts of half and half (OK, just breathe....and breathe....)
1 cup grated parmesan (or more, if you like)
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3/4 cup pesto sauce (homemade or jarred)
3 lbs of crawfish tails
Yeah, I know, is this a recipe or a death scentence. Well, let's just say, you wouldn't want to eat this every day. So, first melt the butter - careful not to burn it. Then, add the flour - first a half cup and stir it into the butter. Then a little at a time until it's the consistency of, say, apple sauce. You want a creamy paste of butter and flour. Now stir this over medium-low heat until it starts to bubble a bit. Keep stirring. This is great work for a 9 year old - especially one with a cute little apron on. After about 5 minutes of bubbling, start whisking in the half and half. It will be 'gloppy' at first but just keep whisking. (They don't teach "gloppy" at le Cordon Bleu, y'all!) Add all 3 quarts gradually. (Did I mention that you need a big, thick-bottomed pot? Do I have to explain that too much of this will make YOU thick-bottomed?) Now let this go on medium heat, stirring regularly (not constantly) to check the thickness. It will thicken as it approaches reaching a boil - but don't let it boil. If it gets too thick, add some milk - a little at a time. Now, add the cheese, nutmeg (trust me, will ya?) and pesto. Stir.

Sneak a taste. Good huh?

Keep stirring till it reaches the thickness you like. Finally, remove the crawfish tails from the package into a saute pan. Saute them over medium heat until they release all the extra liquid inherent in those packages. You don't want to just add them to your cream sauce straight from the package because all that extra liquid will thin out the sauce. After you've sauteed the tails for five or so minutes, add them to your cream sauce pot using a slotted spoon to do so. You should wind up with a saute pan full of crawfish juice. You can throw it away or freeze it to use later. Now stir the tails into your cream sauce and let the whole thing heat up over medium-low heat.

Serve this over - basically - anything you'd like: pasta, toast points, heck, an old shoe would taste good with THIS liquid gold poured over it! I served it over my mamma's baked spaghetti and it was divine! In fact, at my party, one friend was eating it like soup. You could do that too.

And so, it was a St. Patty's Day miracle, when the Irish-Cajun girl whipped up an Italian-Cajun sauce for her French, Scottish, Polish, Irish, Italian, Chinese and Phillipino guests. I'm feelin' all "Bennetton" all of a sudden. C'mon, everybody sing...."We are the world....."

Questions? Comments? Please write me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And please share my web address: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
Please pray for Japan, for Libya and for our troops throughout the world.

St. Patty's Day Pasta

2011-03-15T20:35:00.001-05:00

Did you miss me?

OK, time for true confessions. I've been off being lazy and partying all through Mardi Gras and the parties that followed. It all started with the bo-bo finger and just slid into all out sloth. But, hey, it's LENT and now I'm back! Time to fess up and get back on the 'straight and narrow' (whatever the heck that means).

So, last Sunday was one of the great events of the year in my family: the Old Metairie St. Patrick's Day parade. We used to ride in it when I was a child with our great friends (might as well be cousins) the McGregor family. My dad, Red Brennan, and my parran, Mr. Mac, would lead the party which usually resulted in my Dad rolling on the floor - literally - of our homemade float and all of us "rolling on the floor" laughing. Great times.

My parents also used to have a great St. Patrick's Day party, here at the house in which I live - in which The Brennan family lived. There would be plenty of booze and food and live Irish music by 'Nick Benninati & The Leprechauns.' Picture Louis Prima singing "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling." Capiche?

So, Friday, we're throwing a big "St. Patty meets St. Joseph" party over here. It works out because Friday is actually the day AFTER St. Patrick's and the day BEFORE St. Joseph's. It really works because Italian food is much tastier than Irish. Oatmeal or Lasagna - you decide.

Actually, I was going to do Shepherd's Pie for the party but then my husband pointed out that it's a Friday in Lent so, no meat. Nevermind. So, I'm going to make my Mamma's Baked Spaghetti, a nice green salad, garlic bread and cheese pizza for the kids. Everybody eats well, and nobody has to go to confession.

Mamma's Baked Spaghetti
1 pound of boiled spaghetti
6 eggs
Milk (or cream if you want to be decadent)
seasonings
grated cheddar cheese
My mom would make this with leftover spaghetti and it was awesome. It's great on its own with a veggie or as a side dish to something like sliced roast beef with rich brown gravy or anything in red sauce. Anyway, take a large oven-proof casserole (9x12 at least), spray with cooking spray. Now put the spaghetti in and spread it out evenly. In a bowl, crack the eggs and add milk to double the egg volume. In other words, same amount of milk as your eggs. Whisk that all together. Now add your seasonings. My mom kept it simple with salt and lots of pepper (the way I like it!). I always add a pinch or two of nutmeg - not enough to really taste but enough to give it depth. You can also add your favorite seasoning blend and/or herbs. Dill would be delicious! Whisk again. Now pour that all over your spaghetti till it's almost to the top but leave some room to put a layer of cheese. First, take a spoon and make little holes here and there throughout the dish and 'poke' some cheese down in those so you get cheese throughout. Finally top the whole thing off with another layer of grated cheese over the top. Bake at 350 for about 45 minutes - checking it once around 30 minutes. You want the custard to be 'set' but not dried out.

So our party's on the 18th of March - smack in the middle of St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) and St. Joseph's Day (March 19th). It's no wonder Irish and Italians party together so much! And it's a good match: we've got the drinking thing covered and they've got the food.

We'll think of you all on Friday night: The McConnells, The Brennans and The McGregors - when we're singing along with Bing Crosby or Louis Prima, dressed in our finest shamrocks with a glass of green beer in one hand and red wine in the other!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at thisaintjuliachild@gmail.com
Please pray for the people of Japan.

MARDI GRILL GIRL

2011-03-02T21:05:00.001-06:00

I ran across a great deal at the grocery yesterday. You KNOW how I love a deal! I get that from my Mom. How they are prepared? I get that from my Dad.

Well, there were some thin-sliced porkchops marked down "Today Only" which means you buy them and cook them asap, right? And, for not procrastinating, you save half off the pricier (read: fresher) chops. Now, these are the thin kind of chops that are mighty fine when dragged through some beaten egg and then breaded with Italian breadcrumbs and fried to almost crisp. And they usually look real pretty sitting on a plate next to some fettuccine Alfredo and maybe a Caesar salad. Oh yeah! And that's what I fully intended to do.

But when I woke up today Spring was outside my window and new sunlit green leaves were giggling in the breeze! March in New Orleans is something to behold. Parade weather, y'all! How could I possibly spend the afternoon inside my kitchen frying porkchops on the stove?? Impossible.

And so, the whole day was changed. Immediately, I put the porkchops in a jumbo ziplock bag with some marinade. Then, instead of running to the store for more oil, I spent the afternoon cleaning the patio - pruning and blowing away the Brown of Winter. Then, just as the sun got heavy in the sky, it was time to fire up the grill and pour a glass of Pinot Noir. Since these chops were so thin, they'd likely be done in one glass of wine. Sound odd? Let me explain.

My Father loved fire and he worked it like a Neanderthal. Gas stoves, trash burn piles, candlelight story lighting, fireplaces and, most of all, barbecue pits were his tools. He could cook enough barbecued chicken to feed an army in an afternoon. And that was good because, being good Catholics, he and my mom had created an entire regimen of bottomless little Irishmen.

Dad would fire up the grill and pop open a beer. Hey, "King Of The Grill" is a thirsty title! He could perfectly predict how long the chicken would take to cook by how many beers he could drink by lunch. "Oh, that looks like a Three Beer Chicken to me," he'd say. And he was always right. Or, maybe by then he was too buzzed and we were too hungry to care if it was really done or not.

Did I mention that I live in the house in which I was raised? It's a rare blessing which came about after Hurricane Katrina. We were homeless and this house was for sale. I lost one house and got my home back. Who needs furniture? So blessed. And so, now, I stand on the same patio as my Dad grilling "One Glass Of Pinot Noir Porkchops" under the same Great Oak tree that shaded him when I was a child making mudpies beneath its branches.

ONE GLASS OF PINOT NOIR PORKCHOPS
1 pack of thin-sliced pork chops
1/4 cup of Badia seasoning
1 cup of Mojo Criollo Spanish marinade
1 lime sliced
chopped cilantro
Rinse the porkchops well and place them in the plastic bag. Add the seasoning and marinade and close the bag. Squish it around to make sure all the goodness gets on all the porkchops. Let this marinate in the fridge for an hour or up to overnight. Badia and Mojo Criollo are both readily available at any good grocery store in either the seasonings or foreign food departments. Just ask. When time to grill, preheat the grill on HIGH. Place chops on the grill and turn the heat to MEDIUM. Let them get nice and seared on one side before you turn them - about 10 minutes (or half a glass of wine). Then, flip the chops and let them cook another ten minutes until it's time for a refill!! Of course, they cook so fast because they are cut so thin - you don't want to overcook them or they'll be tough and dry. Place the finished chops on a platter. Drizzle them all with a light sprinkle of fresh lime juice and sprinkle chopped fresh cilantro over the top. I served mine with leftover jambalaya and white beans on the side. It was terrific!

Dinner.... done in less than thirty minutes! Time to kick back in the arms of the Great Oak with a glass full of memories.

Happy Mardi Gras to all my friends all over the world!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com

http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/

MARDI GRAS MOM-BO

2011-02-26T22:18:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year in New Orleans! Mardi Gras: time of merriment, carefree frolicking and letting the good times roll! That is, unless you're MOM. For Mom, it means more planning and preparation than usual and even less cooperation and focus from 'the troops.'

There is one bonus. It's amazing how kids who normally grind through homework - or chores - with an hour or two of pleading to "Get it DONE!" now just WHIZ through that same workload in mere minutes if there's a parade to go see. It's the Physics of Carnival at play.

The Parade Season brings with it levels and levels of extra strategic coordination for Major Mom to handle. I need one of those boards you see in war rooms with the city laid out and little models of Mardi Gras floats, traffic, and crowds that I can move around with one of those shuffleboard looking thingees. It's all about proximity or - put another way - "Where we gonna watch the parade at?"

And, of course, the answer to that question always centers around three things: food, parking and potty (not necessarily in that order).

As far as food goes, you've got to watch it, or The Greatest Free Show On Earth can get quite expensive. It's important to support local restaurants who make much of their yearly revenue at this time of year so we 'eat out' a few times during Mardi Gras. (Let's face it, in New Orleans, that's a real treat!!) But, sometimes, it's also nice to break out the old picnic basket too. Then, you can arrive on the parade route early, pick out your spot and have a great picnic under an oak tree in the beautiful Spring weather.

When you think of a picnic, certain images come to mind, don't they? Yeah, me too. This is what I IMAGINE....

And here's something a little closer to REALITY...

Either way. A parade route picnic can be fun and a great way to enjoy a family Mardi Gras. Here's a newsflash to everyone who's not FROM New Orleans: we're not all down in the French Quarter flashing body parts for Chinese plastic. We leave that up to "yous guys." ;o)

Well, there was this ONE picnic Spud and I had before the kids came along but this blog's rated PG.

Anywho, here's what I like to pack in my PARADE ROUTE PICNIC BASKET.
Fried chicken
Sandwiches
cheese
fruit - apples/grapes
bottle of wine - my favorite is Pinot Noir
jug of lemonade

The chicken I get at Popeye's - nothing says Mardi Gras like grease and pepper, y'all! I just pick up a small box on the way out. Transfer the pieces into a ziplock bag and make sure to ice it down properly so it doesn't spoil. Those reusable frozen things you put in school lunchboxes work really well for this.

Sandwiches? It's really all about what I've got on hand. PB&J is a must! Muffalettas are perfect. If you've got some cold cuts, cheese, loaf (not sliced) bread and olive salad, you can make your own right at home. If you do make your own, make them the night before to allow all the ingredients to get friendly with each other. Or just pick one up at one of the many stores that have them ready-made. Have them cut yours into smaller slices than the usual quarters. I like mine cut into 1/8 slices - easier to manage, I find.

I put some bite-sized cheese cubes in a ziplock bag for snacking along the route. Store them right in the ice chest with my lemonade. Plus I throw in some whole apples and washed grapes (in a ziplock). I'm not opposed to getting the kids some crap like candy apples and cotton candy, but I want some "real food" choices on hand too.

And remember to pack bottled water and wipees, wipees, wipees! Finish off your basket with a roll of paper towels and one folded-up large trash bag so you can take your mess with you and throw it away when you get home. And don't forget something to sit on.

SEE??? I told you Mom does all the work!! Hey, you could just grab a great table at a restaurant on the route and let SOMEBODY ELSE'S MOM do it all for you. Hmmmm.....didn't I donate that picnic basket to St. Vincent de Paul????......Yeah, that's right....

P.S. Great news! The corndog is gone from my finger and the swelling is almost down. I'll be back to normal - and cooking - this week! Yay!!!

Oh, and hello to my new friends in Iran!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And please share my web address with your friends: www.thisaintjuliachild.com.

GIMME SOME SUGAR

2011-02-22T17:32:00.005-06:00

So, it started out as one of those days.

I'm now on day 12 with my finger wrapped up like a corndog from my surgery. But now it looks like a dirty corndog that fell on the ground at the State Fair.

Then there was The Estimate. Just that word, "estimate" can send shivers down the spine of any homeowner. Looks like it's going to cost three times what we thought to fix the bathroom. **sigh**

And, to top it all off, I got my first pair of bi-focals. "Mawmaw" is in the house, y'all!
I mean, what's next? Support hose and one of those girdles that looks like capri pants??

Definitely one of those days when the dog and cat know to stay out of my way. It's almost funny to watch them scurry under the furniture as I come barreling through wielding this-or-that vacuum attachment. Would make a great youtube video: animals crashing into each other like the Keystone Cops and me the Domestic Godzilla grumbling and cursing at dustballs and crumpled t-shirts left on the floor for 'the maid' (read: me).

No room is spared the insult of my family's filth. Even MY KITCHEN: my workshop, my studio, my temple - bears the grease and grime of their onslaught. This time, it's personal!

I leap to the task of reclaiming my space and load the dishwasher feverishly - well, as feverishly as you CAN with a dirty corndog on one finger. Counters are cleared of clutter like clockwork. Pots placed precisely on their perches. (OK, I love alliteration.) My senses of accomplishment and indignation rise simultaneously as the voices in my head echo: "What a bunch of pigs!" "Must He make this much mess when He fixes breakfast?" "They didn't even HAVE grape jelly today." "How'd that chocolate sauce get up there?" "Just WAIT till they ask to use my computer!!"

And right as my anger is at its peak? Then I see it................

A love note left in spilled sugar. In that moment, I melt. I am butter left on the counter overnight. The unsigned masterpiece on my kitchen counter peels my heart open like an onion. The day is transformed. Suddenly, I am gleefully whirling about, shining the stainless and crankin' up the crockpot. Picture Snow White - only middle-aged with new bifocals.

Suddenly, I remember that the corndog comes off tomorrow. YAY! My kid says, "Mom, I like your cool new glasses." And, as far as The Estimate? No sweat. This time, the check really WAS 'in the mail.'

Amazing what "a little sugar" can do.

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And please share my address with your friends: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
P.S. Hello to my new friends in Israel and India!!

Fakin' It...

2011-02-17T11:43:00.001-06:00

You know me, I'm all about authenticity. Don't give me any faux-Cajun or I'll breathe fire on you. Last night, I actually saw a famous chef (who shall remain unnamed....ok, Bobby Flay) make "jambalaya" on tv and he used lobster and mussels in it! HELLOOOO!!!! That's called 'paella' my friend! Don't get me started.

There are a few exceptions to every rule, however. And today we're talking about one.

A lovely lady wrote me, expatriate New Orleanian who's stuck in California, asking for my world famous Mock Oyster Patties recipe. I say 'world famous' only because that's the term we use around our house for anything we want the kids to try. "You've gotta try Mom's world famous Mock Oyster Patties." Anything to sell the kids on eating 'green.' "Hey, it's Mom's world famous brussel sprouts." OK, so it doesn't always work.

Anywho, actually lots of folks have asked for this one. So, to all of you, here's a tried and true favorite. It's one of those recipe pages that's all yellowed and got lots of butter stains on it. That's how you can always pick out the best recipes in your file.

MO'S MOCK OYSTER PATTIES
1 stick butter
2 cloves garlic
1 large onion, chopped
2 pkg. chopped broccoli, thawed
1 large can of mushroom pieces (or slices that you chop slightly in your processor) - save juice
2 rolls of garlic cheese (in the dairy case by the cream cheese)
Pernod or Peychaud bitters
Saute the onion in butter. When it's transparent, add garlic. Do not burn the garlic or it will turn bitter. Now, add the drained broccoli. Stir. Add the cheese - first one roll, let it melt. Stir and check the consistency. You want it thick. Now add the other cheese and melt. If it's too thick, add some mushroom juice till it's gets to your desired thickness. Add 8 dashes of New Orleans cocktail bitters - Pernod or Peychaud. Simmer on low fire for the flavors to blend - about 15 minutes. DONE!

You can find cocktail bitters in the liquor department of the grocery or at a packaged liquor store.

You can fill patty shells with this and bake them at 400 for 10 minutes. (Let them cool before you eat them!!) Either use the small ones or entree sized ones. We go through 8 dozen of the small, individual shells every New Year's eve with glasses and glasses of champagne. What a BLAST! And, if there's filling left, we serve in a bowl with Ritz crackers for leftover snacking.

I think even Bobby Flay could get this one right. "Hey Bobby, don't make me come up there and show you my bo-bo finger!!" Pooyeye!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And please share my web address: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/.
P.S. Welcome to Brazil and Romania!!

LOVE=FOOD

2011-02-14T11:04:00.005-06:00

When you grow up with a Cajun Catholic mother, you learn this lesson early: LOVE = FOOD. (Yeah, I know, your mom too.) But in our house, that love took many delicious forms. We'd come home from school and throw open the door to find the kitchen table piled high with steaming crawfish as an afternoon snack. This ain't no 'cookies and milk,' my friend.

And so, in keeping with tribal ritual, I shower the ones I love with food on special occasions (actually, regular occasions too). Usually, that means gorgeous gumbos, exquisite etouffees, or bodacious beignets. Well, not this year. Remember, 'the finger?'

Since I'm working with one hand - and living off the overcooked chicken legs and burnt burger patties with which my dear Sweetheart has stuffed the fridge - I've got to keep my Valentine goodies simple.

My husband loves jello like a kid (or Bill Cosby). So, I decided to whip up a big dish of sugar-free raspberry jello for him. Look at what happened when I poured the powder into the dish. This was completely random and so cool that my kids said, "Wait, take a picture!," before I poured the water over. A Valentine miracle, you could say. Or maybe the miracle was that the kids were actually OFF the computer and talking to me. What-EV-er.... Anyway, here's the Valentine Miracle - just as it happened.....

Cool huh?

And, speaking of miracles, my kids folded all the laundry because of my finger bo-bo. (I'm trying to decide which limb to have 'cut on' next.) So, for my little lovies, I made my HAWT ATTACK CAKE - with ONE HAND, no less! You can have this ready in an hour or two. Let's get cookin'....

HAWT ATTACK CAKE
1 box of cake mix - I used French Vanilla because, well, it was on sale real cheap.
This is a real 'no brainer.' Just follow the directions on the box BUT, where it says to add water, substitute your favorite beverage instead. I used leftover coffee. You could also use juice (cranberry?), flavored tea -whatever flavor you want to impart into the cake part of your recipe. It's just going to add a subtle layer of taste. Use what you like.

Chocolate Buttercream Icing
1 stick of butter
1/2 cup of cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups of powdered sugar
2-3 tbsp milk
This buttery/sugary icing puts the ATTACK in my Hawt Attack Cake but it's worth it! You'll never buy that canned stuff again - too many chemicals! Yuck! Of course, you want the butter softened - not melted. Just leave a stick out on the counter for an hour or run it through the microwave for 10 seconds. Put the butter and dry ingredients in your mixer. Add the vanilla. AT THIS POINT, you can also add a teaspoon of flavoring to complement whichever liquid you may have added to your cake batter. For instance, if you chose coffee, you might add a teaspoon of Kahlua. Get the idea? If you chose cranberry juice for your batter, maybe add a teaspoon of Chambord. See? Or, trust me, you can add NOTHING else and this frosting is to DIE for! Now, flip on the mixer on low and add the milk one tablespoon at a time. After each tablespoon, give it a second to work in and then turn off the machine and check the thickness. Add as much milk as it takes to reach your desired stiffness. (Ever notice how recipes sometimes read like a romance novel? :o) Guard this bowl from children and husbands/significant others because it WILL disappear before you can say, "arteriosclerosis."

Let your cake cool completely before icing or it will all just melt and slide off. (Now where did I put that picture of Fabio??) Once mine was iced, I sprinkled it with mini chocolate chips and decorated with candy hearts. (If it's just you and your sweetHAWT, you might want to dig up that old Barry White album at this point. Just sayin'....)

For me, this cake is all about my kids. And they get such a kick out of choosing which little heart they want.

It's so important to teach our children well. In our house, that lesson is simple:
CHOCOLATE + SUGAR + BUTTER = LOVE
And here's one my husband has learned VERY well. I call it "Algebra Du Amor":
LOVE - (FLOWERS+JEWELRY+CANDY) = SOFA

A woman's work is never done, y'all. My Cajun Catholic mother would be so proud!

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com
And share my web address with your friends: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/

P.S. Hello to my many new friends in Japan!

The Finger

2011-02-11T16:48:00.001-06:00

This is going to be short and sweet. That's because I'm typing with one hand - my head swimming with pain medicine. I'm talking the nauseating, nasty stuff that makes you wonder, "how bad could the pain be if this is the pain KILLER?" I'm thinking it might be worth the gamble at this point. Funny thing is, I would have KILLED for this kind of buzz back in the Disco days. Admit it. You too! Now, mawmaw's shuffling around the house with a walking stick in hand "just in case I swoon."

You see, there was this 'bump' on my finger that hurt. Left hand - the one I use for everything meaningful in life. And, without completely boring you, I had it removed and my finger looks like a corndog. Now, thanks to codeine, I've stepped through the looking glass to 'Nausealand' which is right next door to 'Crashville.' I don't want to say I'm drugged out on pain meds, but I woke up today and thought "Girls Gone Wild" was shooting in Cairo.

I drove myself to surgery. Big mistake. Then had to drive myself to Walgreen's to get the nasty medicine. Bigger mistake. After fumbling with one hand to find my prescription, then find my money, then reach over with my right hand to open the car door (think about that for a second), I finally got up to the pharmacy window. Now, the guy behind the counter has served my family in this capacity for at least 5 years. He knows everything about us - more than some of our relatives, I'm sure.

So, I stumble up to the counter - obviously frazzled, 30 minutes post-surgery. I hand my "good buddy neighborhood pharmacist" my prescription. And, this man who knows my DEDUCTIBLE says to me, "Need to see your ID." "Oh," I giggle, "Left it in the car. See I just had surgery and drove myself here. I actually know the number of my driver's license, I could just tell y..." This fella who has known my family for THOUSANDS of prescriptions says - I kid you NOT, "Gonna have to see it."

That meant going BACK out in the freezing weather, in pain, with my swollen hand to fish around in my bag to find my license. So, what did I do, you ask? Well............................ I simply showed him my bo-bo.

Hope to be back up and cooking real soon.

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. Please share my address with your friends: http://www.thisaintjuliachild.com/

Hello! to Portugal and Japan.

Goin' Greek!

2011-02-08T13:01:00.000-06:00

I'm convinced we have a poltergeist. Or maybe gnomes are roaming our house at night. Well, something has to be responsible. Someone or something has come into our home, while I slumber and dream of Russian Cake and doberge squares. They have taken my clothes and shrunk them. It's the only explanation. Right? Right??

OK, I admit it. I've been Super-Sized. They say admitting it is the first step to a solution, right? So, come on, everybody say it with me, "I've been Super-Sized." Doesn't that feel better? No? Read on....

It's time to start behaving. I said goodbye to cursing, drinking and smoking when I had kids - ok, well, drinking and smoking, at least. And, since food is the only vice I've got left, it's a hard one to let go. Besides, food is FUN!! Doberge is divine! Gravy is groovy! I'm a Bread Head!

Then there's the issues of health and beauty. I realize that I'm more vain, than I am concerned about dying. Here's the proof. You see, extra pounds puff out your wrinkles. I call mine, "MOtox." I had a doctor tell me just the other day that he thought I was 35. 35!! Let's just say, I'm NOT 35. So, even though those extra pounds around the middle are clogging up my heart, they're doing WONDERS for my crows' feet!

Oh well, Cosmetic Surgeons need to make a living too, right? So, here comes the first in a series of Low Carb recipes. I believe that, 'eating well' should entail eating well! Let's get cookin'......

You ever buy those 10 pound bags of cut-up chicken leg quarters at the store? It's tons of yummy dark meat for next to nothing and you can do a million things with them. This morning we had some leftover orange slices from breakfast so I'm using them to make some GREEK ROASTED CHICKEN.

GREEK ROASTED CHICKEN
10 lbs chicken leg quarters - washed and skin pulled off
1 XL Ziplock bag - Jumbo size, 2.5 gallon
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup lime juice
2 tbsp garlic powder
2 tbsp oregano
2 tbsp thyme
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cracked pepper
1 orange cut into wedges
Pull all the skin off the chicken pieces. This is easier to do before you wash it - not as slippery. Then, wash all the chicken and place the pieces in the Ziplock bag. Mix the next 8 ingredients into a marinade. Pour it in the bag over the chicken. Add the orange wedges, squeezing each one and then throwing the peel into the Ziplock. Close the ziplock and 'squish' it around until all the chicken is coated. Let the chicken marinate for at least an hour (or even overnight) in the fridge. You can grill it or cook it in the oven. I did mine in the oven at 350 Convection for an hour and 15 minutes. Wow! Serve with a green salad with lots of feta cheese and black olives! Opa, baby!!

Now THAT'S my idea of diet food. No, I haven't "called Jenny" and I'm not gonna!

Comments? Questions? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com. And tell your friends they can find me now at www.thisaintjuliachild.com.
P.S. Hello to my new friends in Serbia!!

Gumbo-A-Go-Go

2011-02-04T10:58:00.000-06:00

It's no secret at all that we live in the era of fast food. Just look on any corner. I think there's even a pair of golden arches in the French Quarter at this point (or maybe that was a Drag show?). Anyway, you get the point.

As much as I try to avoid such anti-food, some nights there's just not much time. And, as we drive home from school and errands, it's hard to drown out the chants from the backseat: "Bur-ger, bur-ger, bur-ger..." But, I DO have a few tricks up my sleeve for those nights and so, I have my OWN counter-chant: "Gum-bo, gum-bo, gum-bo..." Let's just call it my 'UnHappy Meal.' That is, until they TASTE the magic (and get over the fact that Mom doesn't give out toys or hot apple pies to-go).

But really, in a little more time than it takes to make that detour to Mickey D's, wait in the drive-through, say "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" a few times, wait for your food (What takes so long?? I mean it's not like they're really COOKING!) and get it home, you can have REAL FOOD. Seriously.

That brings us to our topic today: Easy Weeknight Gumbo. With only eight ingredients - one a major shortcut - you can have some mighty fine gumbo on the table in about 30 minutes. Let's get cookin'....

EASY WEEKNIGHT GUMBO
1 1b sliced okra - I keep a frozen bag at all times
1 cup chopped 'trinity' - onion, celery, bellpepper
1 gumbo base mix (ignore the instructions on the box)
2 quarts of stock - shrimp, fish or chicken
2 bay leaves
1/4 cup Italian breadcrumbs
2.5 lbs medium shrimp, peeled
olive oil
Coat the bottom of a heavy soup pot with olive oil. Turn on medium heat and add the okra. Cook the okra - stirring often - until the 'slime' starts to disappear. Now add the trinity. Stir until onions become transparent. Now add the gumbo base and quickly stir it in. (This is the major cheat/shortcut that saves you making a roux.) This will be a very dry, almost crumbly mess at this point. Now add the stock. Stir to incorporate the crumbly mess into the liquid. Add bay leaves. Now let this come to a slow boil and 'let it roll' for about 10 minutes. Stir often and watch the pot at all times to be sure it doesn't boil over. Adjust the heat as needed. Stir. After 10 minutes, add the breadcrumbs. Work them into the pot with a whisk. Stir. Now add the shrimp. Stir. Let the whole thing simmer for another 5 minutes until the shrimp are nice and pink. Serve over rice. My husband likes to drop a scoop of potato salad into his. I like to dunk buttery frenchbread in mine. You do what you like!

I'll tell you. This is one fine gumbo. It really tastes so much better than you would think based on the minimal effort required. So, go ahead, LIE. Tell people it took you all day. Now, repeat after me: "Gum-bo, gum-bo, gum-bo..." If I only had a drive-through.....

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com
P.S. 'Hello' to my new friends in Latvia and the Netherlands!

Yes You CAN!

2011-02-02T11:00:00.001-06:00

You ever have one of "those days" when you look up, it's already 6pm and your morning coffee cup is still sitting next to the computer? Yeah. Well, that was yesterday for me. But, it was for good reasons.

I'm busily working on another writing project plus researching some performance opportunities and, well, dinner was literally the last thing on my mind. That's fine until my three adorable bottomless-pitts get home from school. Of course, the first question they ask (right after: "May I go on the computer?") is "What's for supper?"

That's when I have one of those movie moments like in "Jaws." Remember when the sheriff was on the beach, someone screams "Shark!" and the camera races toward him while zooming out at the same time? It's one of those shots that makes your stomach 'flip' just a little. Yeah, well, that's what happens to me when I realize that I 'forgot' to cook supper. Ooops! Shark!! And, worse yet, The Great White will be coming home from work any minute!

Never fear! I can always pull something out. So CAN you. If you keep a few canned staples in the pantry like I always do. Here are a few of my staples:

Just open a few cans, add your favorite protein, add some liquid, maybe some cheese, throw in some spices, get a little creative and....voila! SOUP. Let's get cookin'...

CAN DO SOUP

1-2 lbs of protein - I used 1 lb each of shrimp & crawfish this time

1 can Rotelle Tomatoes

1 can creamed corn

1 can cream of chicken soup (you can use cream of whatever-you-have-on-hand)

cumin

Badia - or your favorite seasoning

milk or cream or stock

Velveeta cheese

corn tortillas

This "recipe" is just a blueprint. Play with this. Have fun. Use what you've got hanging around. Here's what I did.... Open all the cans. In a large pot, pour in Rotelles, then corn, then cream of chicken soup. 'Rinse' the cream of chicken soup can with a can of milk and pour it in. 'Rinse' the Rotelle can with a can of cream and pour it in. Light fire on medium. Stir. Now add the cumin, Badia and/or any seasonings you like. Watch the salt because all those cans are already salted. Stir to mix the whole thing. Now add about 1/4th of a large Velveeta brick cut into smaller pieces so it will melt faster. Now, I had about 12 small corn tortillas in my fridge. I took those and sliced them into thin strips and added that to the soup. Added a nice flavor plus some texture and thickness. Then I let all that simmer being careful to stir and watch for sticking. When it was all melted and bubbly, I added 1 lb of raw tiny shrimp and 1 pack of crawfish tails. I let the whole thing simmer for another 10 minutes until the shrimp were cooked.

I served it with some fresh guacamole I made plus sour cream for garnish. My middle shark, the one that looks like Daddy Great White, said, "Mom, you're a genius." And the world was safe for swimmers everywhere. Until the sequel....."Hey Mom, what's for dinner?" Part II

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com

P.S. Hello to my new friends in South Korea!

Pilgrimage with Brown Gravy

2011-01-30T15:45:00.003-06:00

For many, intense devotion leads to pilgrimage. With a singular focus, the faithful travel long distances to bow in reverence and pay homage. And so, today my family made our journey, our pilgrimage, all the way to Chalmette and the 'Mecca of Macaroni.' With our fast underway (well, since breakfast), we headed to a place so sacred that it could only exist in a parish named after a saint.

At Rocky & Carlo's in St. Bernard Parish ("Da Parish"), life is really quite simple. There are no deep issues, smoldering grievances, or political ploys. It all boils down to this: red gravy or brown gravy. You either go one way or the other. No one is 'bi' gravy at Rocky's. For me? Sliced Roast with brown gravy on my macaroni. My husband? Definitely red gravy. My kids? Hamburgers. I know... I'm sure they should go to confession for that.

You've got to love a place like this. I mean, heck, Ladies are invited... it says so right on the window! And, better yet, Father Time and the Surgeon General have passed them by. You can go in, order a WOP salad and no one is offended in the least. And I guarantee you that an entree for "one" is only truly "for one" if that "one" is Andre The Giant.

The patrons? They're part of the feast! There's the lady all dolled up in sequins - at lunch. She's seated one table down from the men who are covered in paint - a reflection of the area's ongoing recovery from Katrina. Then there's the 'newbies' (read: tourists) trying to decipher the menu beside those who, by the size of their jeans, have been to Rocky's a little too often. Then there's the two deaf guys, signing away (with 'yat' accents, I suppose?) who had ordered poboys for lunch. No worries about talking and eating at the same time, I guess.

All I know is, I am grateful that I can sit at Rocky & Carlo's and enjoy something so much more than lunch with my kids. I can tell them stories of when I used to go there with my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. It's a chance to share part of my family history and our area's culture and heritage. And, the way we've been losing local icons in the last decade or two, I'm just glad Rocky's is still here!

Wherever you live, there is a 'Rocky & Carlo's' - a small, family-owned restaurant with the grease and smoke of generations clinging to the ceiling tiles. (And I mean that in the best possible way!) So, the next time you and your kids get hungry, take a drive to the old neighborhood, right past the chain restaurants and fast food joints. In times like this, the little family joints could really use the business and, besides, they've got real food. If eating has a religion, each one is a cathedral.

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com

P.S. 'Hola' to my new friends in Columbia!

MAID IN CHINA

2011-01-28T10:00:00.001-06:00

There's a lot of science in what I do around here. No, I'm not talking about the chemistry of how little flour and fat molecules come together - with lots of heat and stirring - to thicken my gumbo. I'm talking about Behavioral Science, real psycho stuff. For instance, here's one of my favorite experiments: How long will my family walk past that one lonely sock on the hallway floor before someone actually bends over and picks it up? A day? Three? A week?

Of course, the answer is: They will ignore the sock for as long as it takes for me to lose my mind and/or give in and bring it to the laundry basket. So, you see what I'm up against?

Hence, there are days when I must shut down everything else that is otherwise productive (writing, exercising, researching opportunities, running a million errands for "them") and strictly be "The Maid." And I'm not talking about some cute costume with an apron and a feather duster. We're talking, torn t-shirt, hair like Carrot Top (on a bad hair day) with dirty underwear under one arm and a dustpan under the other.

So, on days like this, I turn to my trusty stockpile of leftovers to throw something together. Like "they" deserve it, right? Tonight's menu makes use of the pork loin of a few days ago. I think I saw some carrots in a bag so I'll use that. And I know I've got rice. Hmmmm.....Pork Curry, anyone? Let's get cooking....

Pork Curry: Maid In China
1.5 lb leftover pork loin
1.5 cups leftover pork loin gravy (see Tuesday's blog)
4 cups fresh carrots, peeled and bias cut
2 tbsp minced garlic
2 cups leftover broccoli
1/4 cup dry sherry
2 tbsp red curry (in a jar at the grocery store on the international aisle)
water as needed
olive oil
This takes five minutes of prep and five minutes of cooking - aside from the rice, of course. I'll be a hero in a flash! First, cook some white rice and set it on the side. How much? How much do you want? Just do it. How? Read the bag of rice. Now. Wash, peel and slice your carrots. Slice and julienne your pork into bite-sized pieces. Get a big, deep fry pan. Drizzle about 2 tbsp olive (or sesame, if you prefer) oil on the bottom of the pan. Add the carrots and saute them until they start to get a little carmelization (browning) on the edges. Now add the garlic. Stir briefly. Now add the sherry. Now the pork. Stir. Add some water if you need a little liquid. Now add the broccoli and the red curry paste. Toss gently. Add your leftover gravy. Toss again. (You can also use packaged gravy if you don't have any.) Now let the whole thing simmer for a few minutes till the pork is heated. Adjust the flavor. I like mine with a spicy kick.

Voila! (How do you say that in Chinese??) So, you see, with the right leftovers (RIGHTovers?), a few fresh ingredients and an imagination - dinner is served. The Maid's got it Made....in China. Why not, everything ELSE is.....

Questions? Comments? Please email me at aintjuliachild@gmail.com

P.S. Bon Jour, Belgium!