This Bike is Fucked

The dichotomy of, oh fuck you! I'm making fun of racers.

2012-03-02T05:46:00.001-09:00

Yes, I absolutely need a power meter for my bike that I ride exclusively downhill.

The fact that ScRAM and SRM are both pursuing this market goes to show that there really are only two types of riders. And no the two divisions don't have to deal with mountain or road or CX or XC or pickles. Racers are divided by how they react to the world around them. There are those that are so uptight they have to use a heartrate monitor during the morning dump to ensure they stay under threshold and those who are blatantly unaware of the mechanical side of their sport.

Racer type #1 manifests himself to the service side of the industry about six weeks before any event that he will be participating. A properly scheduled appointment is made. They show up hand over the bike with that ever annoying, "whatever it needs," comment. (This comment is annoying because it really says absolutely nothing, are you really gonna be happy if I completely replace your drivetrain without first consulting you? Didn't think so.) However, they usually do mean whatever it needs. They understand that their bike should not limit their performance and therefore are willing to do what it takes to make sure it is in perfect working order. They will also schedule a second appointment to bring the bike back in the week before the event just for a check over to make sure nothing has settled.

Anal Racer is not willing to leave anything to fate or chance. Any type of measurement device they can buy will be purchased and used. Data will be analyzed to a level that makes NASA look like amateur scientists.

They will spend $3500 on a power meter with the hopes of moving up two places in the CAT 5 local road race.

Racer type #2 is the guy/gal who loves to ride. They may be new to the sport or old timers who have been racing for 34.2 years, regardless it is the pedaling that gets them going. Nothing else matters other than spinning the cranks. Do they care that there drivetrain is precariously close to complete failure? Absolutely not, nor do they have any concept of what that means for their race. I've seen this type of rider show up for 500 mile road races and are planning to race solo with a bike that hasn't seen more than just chain lube in the past 20 years. And no joke, they will probably be riding a Softride.

Clueless Racer will show up, without fail about 16 hours before their event. Oblivious to the fact that there are another 1500 riders in the area doing the same event and they all want their bikes tuned up as well. They really just want you to check it over because everything is working well. By working well they of course mean that when they push down on the pedals the bike goes forward because that is all that matters. Not only have they put the tech in a bind because they waited to the last minute, but they really don't want anything done. Mention the worn out drivetrain, the cable with radials protruding out the side, the lack of brake pads and the creaking coming from the headset, to this type of racer those are trivial matters that they will deal with when their home mechanic friend has some time to fuck over their bike a little more.

This is my experience. Some of you may be tempted to point out that this dichotomy is too vast and that their are myriad types of racers in between. I must reply, that is nonsense. These are the only two types I have ever come in contact with. Any racer that fits outside these two types isn't really racing, they're just riding their bikes for fun.

Yea, I broke my gear.

2012-03-01T20:41:00.001-09:00

No title needed.

2012-03-01T08:00:00.000-09:00

Caption this...

2012-02-29T19:37:00.003-09:00

Aero bars are.....

2012-02-26T01:30:00.000-09:00

REAL FAST

when you can't stop

whats wrong with this picture?

2012-02-25T18:33:00.000-09:00

Oval

2012-02-25T05:32:00.000-09:00

Oval - the absolute worst name for a bicycle wheel.

I also noticed they have Oval bearings, Oval bars, Oval stems, Oval brakes....

Carbon vs. Aluminum

2012-02-23T18:38:00.000-09:00

This House is Bike Fucked

2012-02-22T06:39:00.000-09:00

As I was going about my morning business, I noticed a random Presta valve cap next to my tablet. This triggered a moment of "Master of the Obvious." I continued about my business but kept running into random bike things in random places that made no sense. My wife and I are both bike people so there is a lot of gear and shit jammed into our house. I guess sometimes things just end up where they end up...

PV Cap where no tube lives...

Multi-tool that should have been in my pack but instead ended up on the nightstand.

Co2 Cartridge tucked why nicely next to my computer, in the office where technically speaking no bike gear resides.

I assume I'm not the only person with this problem...

The industry may need to work on its marketing a bit

2012-02-17T18:31:00.000-09:00

I am often amazed at how fucking retarded some of the marketing is within the cycling industry. Here are a few examples.

Example #1 comes at us from Suntour forks. Alloy steerer? Is that all you got? That was cool technology, oh say 20 years ago. And what's with the steering wheel?

Example #2, Shimano has this really cool chain tool. You wanna know how I know it's cool? It's cuz it was treated with a special coating. I'm not sure if this means it was clear coated with some dude's protein shake or if it has Teflon impregnated into the handle. Either way, it's kind of retarded.

Example #3, Another one from the big S. Special Grease? Yes I realize it works well for its intended purpose, but couldn't you come up with something a little more creative? Maybe Slick Honey, Red Rum or White Jizz. Those all sound better to me...

It may be a bad idea to pick your nose when being filmed.

2012-02-17T04:32:00.000-09:00

Regardless of how fast you are picking your nose on camera is just not cool. But hurray for Psychocross!

Trifecta of bad shifting

2012-02-16T19:33:00.000-09:00

The World is an Imperfect Place

2012-02-16T06:39:00.000-09:00

As a good friend of mine likes to say, "The world is an imperfect place." So shit happens.

If you are anything like myself or the folks with whom I turn the pedals, you probably like to turn the pedals hard and put your two-wheeled love machine through the paces. When said activities are taking place you rarely have time to be thinking about whether you torqued your XTR cranks to the specified 13 NM or if it was done in the alternating fashion prescribed by the Japanese God of Cycling, Shimano. Hopefully, you or your wrench of choice has done said things and you can ride into the sunset without worries.

But as I started this here post, the world is imperfect and shit happens. Anyone who rides has found themselves stranded on the side of the road with a broken bike in one hand and the look of defeat in the other. At this point you hopefully aren't praying to the Japanese God of Cycling that you remembered to restock your saddle bag or that your multi-tool is, in reality, safely tucked in your Deuter hydration pack. If any of those thoughts are racing through your mind, you are not alone. Many a cyclist has been stranded on the side of the road hoping that the red neck that just about killed them five minutes earlier can forget the middle finger salute they received and give said cyclist a ride back to town.

Seeing that I tend to ride with people who are proficient in maintaining and repairing their own bicycles, I have found that there exist two main types of trail side repair~~man~~person.

Exhibit A

This style of trail side repairman is a Boy Scout. He (no gender specificity intended, we just don't have good pronoun in English that denotes both male and female) can usually be recognized by the size of pack that he has strapped to his back. It will be large. It will also be full. This type knows full well what compression straps are for, his pack has 'em and he intends to use them. Due to said pack and the load that it contains, this rider tends to be a "trail sweeper." He is one of the last to the top of the climb and since he just hauled 45 pounds of bike tools to the top, he is tired and will also be one of the last ones down.

Despite his speed, or thanks to it depending on how you look at things, this repair person is a good friend to have. Oh you broke a Crampandgoslow cable? No problem. Is that brake or shifter? He's got both even when he is on a dirt ride. Did you forget to tighten your cleat and it fell off? No problem. What variety is it? Speedplay Frog? Yup, got 'em.

He's also despisingly organized. If you ever need anything, you will get the opportunity to see the inside workings of his pack. Everything is in there and everything has a place. You can stand and give thanks to the Japanese God of Cycling that you have seen such an amazing display of OCD.

Exhibit 2

This rider believes that his bike is working and should continue to work until the end of the ride. The repair person, isn't really a repair person seeing that he doesn't carry anything to help himself out with on a ride. A tube? Maybe but that usually depends on the distance of the ride. And if he does have a tube it will probably be the wrong size. A pump? Probably not. I mean really, how often do you ride and there isn't someone around with an air compressing apparatus?

This last rider also usually tends to be a professional wrench that has been in the trenches for so long that what he does is work. This means that he is going to avoid doing it when he isn't at work. If you need some help on the side of a trail, he may give you some pointers and he will definitely grab a flat tire from you (after he has watched you struggle with it for ten minutes and he gets bored) and put your tube in it. He will bum 5mm wrenches from you, CO2 cartridges and has been known to run 26" tubes in a 29er just cuz that was what was available (Damn those different sized wheel bikes any way).

Of course, there are a range of folks in between and I offer you these two exhibits as examples only.

Now if you happen to be new to the lifestyle known as cycling or a member of Exhibit 2, here's some advice on things you should carry.

Item A, a tube. Regardless of what tire/tube/liner combination you run and despite what the guy who sold 'em to you told you, you are going to get a flat at some point in your career (of course, I use this word loosely). It is best to also ensure that said tube is the right size for your bike. Patch kits are a great thing to have as well, but do you really want to have to sit and patch a tube on the side of a busy road, in the rain just so you can get home? I didn't think so. Patch kits are back up for when you get more than one flat on a single ride.

Item 2, a multi-tool. At some point you are going to need an Allen wrench. I also strongly encourage a multi-tool that has a chain breaker on it. Of all the things that can happen to you while riding breaking a chain is probably the most crippling. If you don't have that chain breaker you will be limping back, but if it is in your pack you can take a link out and avoid certain gears to get you back to town.

And Item iii of our bare necessities list, is a pump. You can carry a tube all you want but it is pointless without some sort of air compressing apparatus. I don't care what your VOMax is, you cannot get proper air pressure by blowing into a Presta Valve.

There you have it. A perfect trail side repair~~man~~person tool kit. To summarize, you need a tube, multi-tool with chain breaker and a pump. And if you happen to see a guy standing on the side of the rode with his broken bike in one hand and a look of defeat in the other, please stop. That guy is probably me.

Can you spot the things done wrong?

2012-02-14T06:26:00.001-09:00

The Inverted Bike Shop from Show Love on Vimeo.

2012-02-12T05:26:00.003-09:00

Rock Shox - Inventor of Permalock.

Not feeling too smooth, eh?

2012-02-12T05:26:00.000-09:00

Nah, at this point I wouldn't service it. It's just time to say good bye.

This is not a drop out...

2012-02-10T18:19:00.003-09:00

I don't think that is the right shape.

ummm

2012-02-09T19:09:00.000-09:00

Sent in to me from Stefan

Anyone else ever experience this?

2012-02-08T19:14:00.001-09:00

I'm pretty sure I'm the only wrench in existence with this problem.

You see, I'm hairy. Like Harry and the Hendersons Hairy. When I wear shorts and I am airing up a tire I always forget that it is a bad idea to have the wheel leaning up against my leg. Using an air compressor to fill things up means the tire expands quickly catching the hair from my legs between the bead and the rim. It hurts.

If you look closely, you can see my hair.

That is all.

Santa Cruz and SRAM are officially divorced

2012-02-08T06:37:00.001-09:00

Santa Cruz Syndicate - San Romolo Testing from santa cruz bikes on Vimeo.

I think I would have made the same decision. You all know my disdain for their parts of late, it hasn't always been this way.

I took XTR derailleurs off my bikes in the early 2000's in favor of XO. The fixed knuckle was an advance in derailleur technology that has become standard affair. As recently as three years ago I had bikes spec'd almost entirely from SRAM. Then Elixir brakes went into their 2nd year of production. I'm not sure what happened, but whatever it was, it sucked.

However, it did always bring a smile to my face to see that 2nd set of shifters in the bike boxes. You know "just in case" the first set doesn't work...

More info here. http://www.bicycling.com/mountainbikecom/featured-stories/santa-cruz-syndicate-and-sram-split

Not Obsolete Anymore

2012-02-07T18:46:00.001-09:00

This is a tool that should be completely obsolete. The only reason a shop should have one, should be to tweak old brakes. Old as in the 80's. I should not be using this on brand new caliper brakes. Unfortunately it is a tool that I use on a regular basis on new, out of the box caliper brakes from that brand that makes so many OEM products, Tektro. I'm not sure why, but they just can't quite seem to get the arms straight...

As a side note I could not find this tool offered from Park any more (granted I searched for about 32 seconds but that is beside the point). So I guess I should just be happy I have one at my disposal for those times when they are actually needed.

For those of you unfamiliar with this tool, it is a Park BT3. It is used to "tweak" the arms on a caliper brake to get the pads to line up or toe the way you want. With modern brakes the arms are usually formed close enough to straight that with the conical washers now used you can get the pads to line up. Unfortunately, there are still some cheap ass brakes out there that just don't quite make the cut.

You can get a visual here, http://www.amazon.co.uk/Park-Tools-Brake-Toe-Tool/dp/B000NOO4O6.

I guess I should thank God that I work in a shop that has been around long enough to have old tools that are no longer available.

Or something.

This may not be a good idea.

2012-02-06T18:26:00.001-09:00

BB30 Fixing Bolt

2012-02-05T07:30:00.001-09:00

If you still have play in your cranks after tightening the fixing bolt, keep tightening it. The key is to stop before the bolt breaks...

Fuelselage

2012-02-02T06:01:00.001-09:00

What every tri-dork needs, a sippy cup integrated into their $6000 frame. Wait, how do I clean it?

Whats Italian for....

2012-01-31T20:20:00.000-09:00

This C-clip thing is way stuck and I cant get it out..... well got it

out after 30 minutes of yanking on it with a brake cable