The Commercial Curmudgeon

Smartwater for a Stupidworld.

2026-11-08T14:21:45.188-08:00

1. In real life, that guy is tackled by at least two of Anniston's three bodyguards before he gets anywhere close to her precious bottle of warm water.

2. The show which is literally the only thing Anniston is known for went off the air 22 years ago; except for a few completely forgettable RomComs and crap commercials like this she's basically retired. She still can make more money for this vapid 15-second nub of an ad than I'll make in ten years of teaching. Don't tell me that this universe is finely-tuned for anything except maybe absurdity. And black holes, which don't swallow galaxies often enough in my opinion.

An honest question for Arch Manning, because racehorses can't talk

2026-11-07T13:35:48.986-08:00

Arch Manning was an professional Quarterback, primarily for the New Orleans Saints. He had three sons, two of whom- Peyton and Eli, you may remember them from their appearances in roughly every other commercial that runs during sporting events- became professional Quarterbacks. Peyton has a son named Marshall playing High School football and I invite him to answer the question I have for Arch also.

A third son, Cooper, played football in High School but suffered spinal injuries which ended his playing days before he was 18. Cooper has two sons- one of whom, Archie, is in this commercial. The other, Heid, is a currently playing football in High School.

Here's my question for Arch- and Marshall, and even Heid while I'm at it: When, exactly, did you decided that you want to play football? Do you remember wanting to play football? Do you remember deciding you wanted to play it?

Arch Manning is a good, not great, college football player who will certainly get an NFL contract and is already getting ad deals that have nothing to do with his abilities on the field. He'll make a lot of money, and if that's all he wants, I guess that's just fine. Still, I can't help wondering if males in the Manning family really ever decide to do anything. The situation seems such a cliche- the son of a famous pro sports figure can't follow his dad's footsteps, but has two brothers who could, and has sons he guides toward the pro career that was denied him. I don't see any personal agency for anyone named "Manning" here. Football is the family business, period.

Arch Manning, as I said, will make a lot of money. Maybe he'll have a brother and a cousin who also make lots of money. But I can't believe that they all chose this profession on their own. There's something a little disturbing about all this.

Fitzway is the Stupid Way

2026-11-06T17:12:57.958-08:00

The car salesman in this ad has to be rethinking his life choices as he deals with this loon who seems determined to do something that no actual customer is ever determined to do: extend the buying experience.

This poor guy has to listen to Idiot Woman blather moldy chestnuts from the driver's seat of a mid-level car instead of at his desk, where he could actually be putting numbers together and getting her to sign on the dotted line. And he has to deal with the additional indignity of pretending he's amused with her rambling and then having her actually put her hand on him to remind him that the Customer is Always Right and if the Customer thinks she said something witty he damn well better go along because she has not signed yet.

Ultimately she's going to drive off with that car and he's going to wonder what he ever saw in a career that requires him to debase himself daily on bad days, hourly on great ones. I would like to thank Fitzway for letting us know that a joke has been told at the end of this steaming pile of Nothing of an ad, though, because we sure as hell weren't going to figure that out on our own.

American Home Choice: Share your Wealth

2026-11-05T10:09:44.253-08:00

Why should the companies that sold you your appliances get the exclusive right to sell you worthless warranties with pages of legal boilerplate hiding Exclusions and Exceptions explaining why they get to keep your premiums without paying benefits?

Now there's American Home Choice (and Home Shield, and a whole raft of scammy "warranty" companies) to suck up money you don't have by promising to cover "many" problems typical of appliances. What problems? (Don't) read the fine print. What does "cover" mean? Well, based on this ad, it can mean nothing more than slapping a piece of paper with the word "covered" on your broken appliance.

Anyone who thinks that handing these sleazebags a chunk of money every month means that they'll be sending a technician to fix that $80 microwave or $800 refrigerator or $8000 heating system probably shouldn't be a home owner in the first place. These guys play on the economic stress of people who live in homes they KNOW they can't really afford and who are always one financial setback away from losing it. These warranties are as valuable as a scratch-off ticket and target the exact same audience.

Do a quick Google Search- American Home Shield, CarShield, etc- all of these third-party warranty companies- make themselves rich by weaponizing and taxing insecurity. Don't give any of them your money. Instead, build an emergency fund at your local bank. If something breaks, you've got money to cover it. If nothing breaks, you've still got that money- you didn't give it to these crooks.

Oh, and if your microwave breaks? Get a brand new one for $80 at your nearest Walmart. And don't buy their warranty, either. Let's stop being stupid with money, people. When we're stupid with money, They Win.

Know when to fold 'em

2026-11-01T14:08:45.194-08:00

This era of gambling being presented as Good Clean Fun in multiple ads during every commercial break during every sporting event can't end soon enough in my opinion.

Watching people singing this overrated but otherwise harmless Kenny Rodgers while anxiously looking at their phones as if the next play will determine whether next month's rent gets paid isn't annoying. It's just gross. This obsession with online gambling is gross. The way politicians on every level of government have surrendered to the money is gross.

Look, it's your money. If you want to risk it like this for "entertainment," I guess I can't stop you. But if I were the father of a young man (more than 80 percent of customers for online gambling apps are men under the age of 40) I would be angry that I had to compete with this non-stop noxious crap. At this point, I feel like I'm slashing a plastic sword at the tide. Maybe I should just move on from even commenting on gambling site commercials- you know, just fold. As I said, it's YOUR MONEY. But this is all like a car wreck we can all see coming from a mile away, yet can't- or won't- do a thing to prevent. So I'll keep shaking my fist at that particular cloud. And wait for this fever to break.

That Allstate Swim Meet Commercial

2026-10-31T10:08:25.646-07:00

1. You go to your brother's swim meet to be supportive, but instead of watching the event you're taking the time to scroll insurance apps? What the actual hell?

2. What are you yelling "go!" at? What is "going?" Did anyone even TRY to write a plausible script for this stupid ad?

3. Do the swimmers NORMALLY have someone yelling "GO!" as their signal to start? I thought that coaches used things like whistles or chimes. Why would any of the participants think that "GO!" would be the correct signal to jump into the water? Does this school have ZERO budget?

4. I don't want to sound mean, but...kid on the the swim team? Your brother is a dick, but let's be honest- you weren't winning any competitions today. If you're on a swim team, I'm a backup shortstop for the Red Sox. Who did the casting for this ad?

Nothing with the word "Patriot" in it's name is worth my money

2026-10-30T18:27:03.164-07:00

When the power goes out, there are two types of people: Liberal Woke Snowflakes who curl up into the fetal position to wait for Big Brother Government to run to their rescue, and Rugged Individualist Self-Made Real American Patriots who buy portable generators to store next to their Military-Adjacent Ration Meals and enough guns to hold off the combined forces of Cuba and Mexico when they DO invade just like in the greatest film ever put to grace the screen, Red Dawn (the original.)

If you aren't one of those pansy immigrant-loving Socialists who believe in fake things like vaccinations and Society, you know that nobody is coming to save you when Obama, El-Sayed and Kamala hand the power grid over to their Muslim Commie friends. When that happens- and it will, the NEXT time the Democrat Party steals the election, bans the King James Bible and makes gender-affirming surgery mandatory in all public schools- it will just be you, your immediate family, and your arsenal against the Brave New World Order. And if you'll want to keep in touch with your fellow Freedom Fighters, that's going to take electricity. And a Patriot Portable Generator.

Get one now, and we'll throw in six weeks of Patriot Dried Food and a dozen bullseye targets featuring the face of AOC absolutely free, just pay extra shipping and handling. Act now because delivery is not guaranteed after November 4.

Allstate and the Weirdest Phrase in the Insurance Business

2026-10-25T05:23:04.700-07:00

You've heard it a thousand times- the phrase that scrambles my brain because I can't believe it's not part of an Onion article and is actually a common selling point that has been used by Allstate and other insurance companies for decades. The phrase that implies that there's only one person responsible for repairing the damage, and it's the person in the mirror, and it's really gauche of you to think otherwise.

The phrase is "Claim Forgiveness."

Think about it. The selling point in this ad is that you don't have to worry about filing a claim on your insurance when the thing you've insured- a house, in this case- suffers damage covered by your policy. Allstate will "forgive" you and won't punish you by raising your rates. Aren't they awesome? Aren't they forgiving? Isn't this the kind of insurance company you want to do business with? I mean, look how nice they are when you ask them to, um, live up to the terms of the contract they signed with you.

Am I taking crazy pills? I was the victim of a hit and run accident three weeks ago. I called my insurance company and filed a claim before the police officer had given me back my driver's license. Know what I didn't do even once during the conversation with the person taking down my information? I didn't use the word "sorry" or ask her to "forgive" me for bothering them with my personal issues while parked on the shoulder of the Garden State Parkway.

I'm such an awful person that when I got home I immediately got the car to a mechanic to confirm the loss, and then even called my company several times to discuss getting it towed away. Having been raised with no manners at all as a member of the Most Entitled Generation, I'm in the process of negotiating a settlement. That's right, I'm actually asking them to reimburse me with enough cash to buy a new (used) car. Because I was raised in a barn, obviously.

I don't have Allstate, so I don't know if my carrier will "forgive" me for my multiple trespasses against them. In case you haven't figured it out already, I'm such an entitled Karen that I haven't even sent flowers or made the slightest move to smooth over our damaged relationship. I mean, my insurance company must feel so betrayed. Our relationship was once so simple- I sent money every month, and they, um, gave me a piece of cardboard with their name on it, and an App. But then I went and complicated everything by filing a claim. Maybe that's Unforgiveable. Maybe some wounds will never heal. I'll have to wait until I buy a new car to find out for sure.

This WeatherTec "FoneCup" thing is as stupid as the ad (edited)

2026-10-24T05:55:46.962-07:00

These animals are concerned* that Doug is spending too much time looking at his phone while operating his vehicle. So they all chipped in and bought him a "FoneCup" (gag) that turns a cupholder into a stand for his phone. Because somehow looking down and awkwardly to the right multiple times while checking the Maps app is MUCH better than having a phone at eye level mounted to your dashboard....

Seriously, though- what is the utility of this product? When I take long drives and need to use navigation on my phone, I don't want the screen somewhere near my right hip. What good does that do? It would REQUIRE that I take my eyes completely off the road whenever I want to check my location. This is not a well-thought out idea. This is really dumb.

*when the animals confront this guy in the parking lot, he sheepishly starts to put his phone in his pocket. But they stop him from doing this very sensible thing- perhaps they realize that he's going to take it right back out as soon as he gets into his car?- and give him a way to be even more distracted while driving his multi-ton death machine through rural areas. Do these animals have a death wish, or what?

(Edit: I didn't even notice the ostentatious American flag showing up along with the "Made in America" blurb. And now I'm wondering if those animals spend the entire day standing in parking lots admonishing people about driving distracted because seriously, there's nothing unique about Doug. MOST people I see behind the wheel these days are dividing their attention between the road and their phones, and the road doesn't seem to be getting most of it.)

This Southwest "Get Away" Commercial is soooo relatable

2026-10-23T18:11:29.967-07:00

I mean, whenever I find myself at risk of being buried by my schedule- with essays to assign, collect and grade, tests to prepare along with review packets, emails home to parents about "behavioral concerns," and all the rest, my first impulse is to book a flight to an expensive spa in another state if not another country. Obviously, right? Who doesn't do this?

And I'm not even a fifty-something woman who clearly waited waaaaayyy too long to have kids. I'm sorry, but who was the casting director for this commercial? If this woman is the mother of a kid under the age of 16, I'm a High School teacher who regularly flies off to day spas. And I am NOT a High School teacher who regularly flies off to day spas, despite what I wrote in the first paragraph.

iPhone 18- the real "trick*"

2026-10-23T17:28:58.481-07:00

*is "scam" too harsh? How about "Lie by Omission?"

To take advantage of the iPhone 18 "On Us" promotion- and continue to show well for your equally shallow, consumption-driven, debt-addicted friends- you must sign up for a 36-month contract. That contract provides "credits" delivered one at a time for each of those 36 months. You are responsible for the sales tax on the phone, which is likely to retail (for the purposes of managing "credits") in the $2000 range. If you cancel your contract at any time during those 36 months, you'll find yourself liable for the entire cost of the phone and you could see every accumulated "credit" cancelled.

In other words, for that shiny new phone and the privilege of ostentatiously taking it out everywhere you go to let total strangers know you have one, you're locked into a three year contract with a very hefty exit fee. Well, why would you want to exit anyway? Oh, right- so you can take advantage of the NEXT upgrade that for some reason makes your iPhone 18 look horribly dated in 3....2....1....

But I forgot. You're an idiot. You probably signed up- using your perfectly good current phone- before this ad was over.

The Depressing Line I Missed in this DraftKings Ad

2026-10-18T08:45:07.660-07:00

Here it is: "Now that DraftKings is available in all fifty states, we can take that road trip to the Rose Bowl..."

The implication is that these guys put off taking a long-planned-for road trip because they were not assured of access to their favorite life-wrecking addiction for every mile along the way. Now that online gambling has become so politically powerful that no state can stand up to the pressure and they can impulsively risk money everywhere in the United States, the shackles are off and they travel knowing that they have no annoying hindrances from those awful, freedom-hating state laws that used to save people from themselves.

Meanwhile, here in the real world, we can't count how many family vacations were cancelled because Dad lost that money on a parley that didn't pan out. Not to mention the number of defaulted mortgages and evictions, collapsing credit scores, etc. But these two millionaires pretending to be friends Just Having Good Clean Fun in a Responsible Manner couldn't care less because the blood money is still money.

Progressive: Maybe the Boomers have a point

2026-10-16T17:14:50.434-07:00

That is, maybe this isn't the best idea for an episode of "don't be like your parents."

If Boomers don't understand what a "Social Media Influencer" is, maybe do some self-reflection and realize that you'd be better off if you didn't understand the appeal of watching a total stranger open boxes and give first impressions of Amazon hauls on YouTube. Maybe the "funny" failure to grasp addiction to social media isn't as funny as Progressive seems to think it is.

Maybe we "don't get it" because there's nothing here to get. Maybe you'd all be better off if, instead of shaking your heads at us clueless old fossils, you actually tried to justify the lunacy of being "influenced" by some random jagoff with a phone camera, a tripod, and a budget.

By the way, what the hell does any of this have to do with insurance again?

Polymarket and LeBron James. Um, what?

2026-10-15T18:13:30.188-07:00

Polymarket advertises itself as a "prediction market," which is a too-cute-by-half nonsense phrase meaning "betting site" but avoiding what few restrictions exist for betting sites by insisting that Oh No This Isn't Gambling, It's Just Buying Futures...on sporting events. Uh huh.*

The people in this wall of noise of an ad...I just can't. What the actual hell? It's gambling, people. If you win too regularly, and win more than you lose, you'll be restricted and if you try to get around the restriction, you'll be banned. If you lose more than you win, you'll be treated like a freaking king because you're their favorite player- errr, Futures Trader.

And does anyone else have a problem with an Active NBA player appearing in these ads? I mean, it's bad enough that multiple RETIRED sports figures pimp for this crap. But James is NOT retired. He's still in a position to impact games- which means, impact the number of people who win or lose "futures" on games that he plays in. Nobody sees a problem with this?

*"Prediction Market" is the triumph of Orwellian Language, and the fact that they get away with this blatant middle finger at gambling restrictions is the triumph of Capitalism. I've recently read that HALF of all men in the United States under the age of 30 engage in online betting, and that number is rising. And of those millions upon millions of young men, virtually NONE will eventually delete those gambling apps having made money overall. That is NOT how these apps work. No Sports Book or "Prediction Market" is in the business of giving away money. NONE of them give a damn if you lose your rent money "predicting" the result of a sporting event. If you download one of these apps, first you are being naive. Then you are being stupid. Then you're being addicted. None of these is worth celebrating.

FanDuel's "System" Commercial

2026-10-10T17:13:30.376-07:00

"I have a really good gaming system- I limit myself to an hour of betting per week, and also set limits on how MUCH I can bet per week."

Oh, that's interesting. An hour, huh? Pretty much all of these ads highlight how Easy it is to place bets, and how Quickly you can bet not only on multiple games but on pretty much anything that can happen in multiple games. Seems to me that in an hour you can do a whole lot of betting.

Oh, but you set limits on how much you can bet. That's good, but wait-- how locked-in are those limits? What happens to those limits when FanDuel offers you $200 in betting credit when you bet $50 forty different times (yes, this is a thing?) Is removing the limit more difficult than swiping on a button in the app?

(Know how you REALLY place limits on your gambling? The answer is- by winning. If you win too much, FanDuel will place those limits. No self-control necessary.)

I guess the "funny" part of the ad is the reveal that the other guy's system involves setting up balloons and letting the cat pick the winner between two teams. Thing is, this is a much better "system" than the first guy's because it involves exactly one bet in one game. It leaves no room for parleys or bets on the number of field goals kicked, yards gained on the ground or through the air, or penalties for roughing the passer per quarter. Just a single, simple pick against the spread. As long as that guy with the barbecue tongs is making that one bet every week, he's in a MUCH better situation than the jagoff pretending that because he puts easily-reversed limits on his betting he's "gaming responsibly." Plus, it looks like Barbecue Guy has the far better attitude about gambling in general- it's just something he does to make the game he's going to watch slightly more interesting, while his principle attention is on preparing food for his guests. Unlike the first idiot, who is surgically connected to his phone which exists only to provide him access to his stupid addictive gambling app.

You'd never guess that the C and U in HBCU stands for Colleges and Universities..

2026-10-10T14:43:19.711-07:00

After watching this you might, however, be forgiven for thinking that the C stands for Cringe.

Seriously, though. 2 Chainz an Pretty Vee? Speaking some language which seems to have a passing relationship with English? "I love my college, St. Augustine's State Universi- TEE, whaddup whaddup let's argue?" Did this woman get her degree in Communications?

"This is how we do sports. Lets go. Lets go. HBCU doesn't just cover. We own." Own what?

"Our HBC...you? Or our HBCU?"

"Our H B C U!"

"Mmhmm."

Yeah, clearly these are the recent Valedictorian and Salutatorian of an HBCU which would probably rather not be represented by either of them (sorry, St. Augustine.) To be specific, they are "HBCU Legends." Which, I'm sorry, says absolutely nothing good for HBCUs.

There's six minutes of this nonsense left, and maybe it actually develops into something worthwhile, but I can't deal with this anymore. Booker T Washington must be spinning his grave. Seriously, what the actual hell is going on here? How is this an advertisement for HBCUs?

Two more well-earned swipes at DraftKings (and gambling in general)

2026-10-09T17:30:48.979-07:00

1. Someone explain to me the moral difference between a drug dealer offering free samples of their addictive, life-ruining drug and DraftKings offering $200 in betting credit for new "clients." It's well-known that regular LOSERS of bets get all kinds of great swag from all of the betting Aps- officially licensed clothing, free seats at games, etc while regular winners quickly find limits placed on their betting. DraftKings, Caesar's, etc. draw people in with credit, keep them in with swag, and dump them when they are no longer profitable. Scummy, scummy, scummy.

2. I would love to know exactly how many people thought that they had made a big score on Anthony Volpe's home run in Game 3 of the Yankees-Rays playoff series for exactly three minutes until the hit was overruled by the refs and changed to a ground-rule double. I would love for someone to give me the numbers- how many people put big money on Volpe (rather than Ben Rice) hitting a home run in that game, thought that they had finally pulled off a win, only to have it taken away by officials in New York. More grimly, I wonder how long it's going to be before an official loses his life to a deranged gambling addict whose account went deep into the red because of an overturned or missed call. Seems pretty inevitable, doesn't it?

T-Mobile: What Matters

2026-10-06T15:36:49.485-07:00

Nobody cares where you're going, Mr. Thornton- but they DO care that you're holding up the line for no apparent reason except that you're lonely and you want to engage in pointless chitchat (in the form of lengthy pitch for T-Mobile) with a woman whose ONLY job is to assist actual customers.

Let me make this real simple for you, Pathetic Boomer Meme: There is a woman in front of you with a job to do. There are people behind you who want her to do her job. They actually do care where they are going. They don't just hang around the damn rental desks for their damn health. Somebody, call security.

The $5 gets you $200 Scam, and a REAL bonus

2026-10-04T05:39:40.402-07:00

After you've nearly died of cringe watching two multimillionaires giggle like teen girls over the prospect of $200 of "free bets" for $5, you can check out this excellent video showing how these "Sports Book" apps REALLY operate. And you can contemplate how a Betting App which bleats constantly about how its customers WIN WIN WIN manages to stay in business if all the money is flowing one way.

Of course, the money DOES flow one way. Into the pockets of the company which made the app, which then buys the souls of ex jocks and crap comedians and a majority of Congress and pretty much everyone else who just wants their share of the thirty pieces of silver (and a lot more) being gathered up by these vultures.

Medishare Commercials are Peak Cringe

2026-10-03T18:04:03.191-07:00

If you have SiriusXM, you've certainly heard ads for Medishare and you probably already know what I mean when I say they are among the cringiest commercials we've ever heard.

The guy in the ad has this bland smiling cadence to his voice that just screams Youth Pastor as he tells us how much people just loooove Medishare- not because it saves customers "hundreds of dollars a month, on average three hundred dollars a month" but because it's a "community" of people with "Christian Values" who, when you call, will "offer to pray with you." (Personally, if I call an insurance company to ask a question about health coverage, or to file a claim, or to dispute a rejected claim, and am asked if I want people to pray for me, I know I'm totally screwed.)

It sounds like Medishare is fine as long as your doctor is In Network and a real hassle if he isn't- which is exactly like all other insurance works. Except, I'm willing to bet serious money that relatively very few doctors are In Network when it comes to Medishare. I may be wrong, but considering that I've never met anyone who has Medishare and I've never seen Medishare listed as a health insurance accepted by any doctor I've ever been to...yeah, actually I don't think I'm wrong.

And again- "when you call, we'll offer to pray with you..." Such a red flag. I can pray for myself. I don't want my mechanic to offer to pray over my car. If I'm in a plane I don't want to the pilots to pray during severe turbulence. And I don't want my health insurance to "pray for me." I want Medishare to act like any other insurance company- do their very best to deny coverage whenever possible and bury me in jargon and red tape when I try to get a bill paid. That I can understand.

Yes, I've heard of Kalshi...

2026-09-30T16:21:26.588-07:00

It's a gambling app that skirts the already virtually non-existent anti-gambling laws by calling itself a "Futures Market." A gambling app that sells itself with stupid commercials designed to befuddle and flummox and and cause the viewer to chuckle and think about pretty much anything EXCEPT the fact that it's selling a life-ruining addiction as "fun."

Yes, I know what Kalshi is. And yes, in 2026 it really is Totally Normal. More's the pity.

Chumba Casino: When Commercials get Sad, I get Mean

2026-09-27T17:31:43.780-07:00

And there's nothing sadder than a guy dealing with a broken date with a night of staring at his phone screen and tapping to earn "coins" of whose worth, I am proud to say, I have absolutely no concept.

Maybe this guy's girlfriend was able to get her boyfriend's intense ugliness, but not his sad addiction to playing stupid gambling-adjacent games on his phone? Well, at least when she turns him down, he won't have to hock that ring behind her back.

Yeah, I have no mercy for the actors who are willing to appear in ads pitching this garbage. And - Ryan Secord? He's still a thing? Well, considering that he's in ads for Chumba Casino, I guess the answer is "No?"

I wonder if the customers of Western Sky ever stopped digging that hole

2026-09-27T10:23:02.522-07:00

It's not funny enough that the woman in this ad is listing suggestions of all the things one could do if they were suddenly handed $10,000. I think we were aware already. She has to include "pay down that payday loan" as one of the options. Yeah- pay down that payday loan with....another payday loan.

And if you got that quick $10,000 loan from Western Sky, you'd pay back $743.49 for eighty-four months, a total of just over $62,000. There's credit card expensive, pawn shop expensive, payday loan expensive, loan shark expensive....and Western Sky expensive. Which means that the people who applied for money from Western Sky had either burned through all of those other options, or actually thought that Western Sky was a better deal. Neither is a good sign.

So...how did things work out for these customers before Western Sky was shut down in 2013 under an avalanche of lawsuits and government investigations for violations of usury laws?

Capital One and Jennifer Garner refuse to read the room

2026-09-26T10:06:50.325-07:00

The word of the year is Affordability. The phrase of the year is Affordability Crisis. The mood of the year is Exhausted if it isn't Just Plain Scared.

None of this is going to stop Capital One from giving us another year of Jennifer Garner and her friends zipping around the world seeing Amazing Things in between drinking white wine from comfy chairs in exclusive Capital One airport lounges, putting everything on Capital One cards which earn Big Big Points Rewards for people who spend as much money on them as, say, Jennifer Garner.

This is almost as tone-deaf as the Lexus December to Remember Ads which will start showing up between Halloween and Thanksgiving. Almost.

Coffee should be called ArtificiallySweetCreamerMate

2026-09-21T09:01:01.753-07:00

I don't know how much that first woman loves coffee. Her refrigerator is filled with Coffee Mate and nothing but Coffee Mate, like she experienced a supply line trauma during COVID and will never, EVER let that happen again. So she either has a separate fridge JUST for Coffee Mate or it is the only thing she consumes in her own home. Judging from her girth, I have to assume it's the former.

I also don't know why the guy reading the ad is getting so fake-exasperated with his inability to read the script without being interrupted. Dude, it's not funny. We get the point of this ad ten seconds in, yet it goes on. And on. And on. Has to be a Superbowl ad. Only a Superbowl ad is this over-produced.

In the end, I don't see anyone actually enjoying coffee- not that first woman, not the abominable snowman/bigfoot hybrid at the end. I see a lot of people obsessed with fatty sweat creamer. Coffee seems to be the thing they use to add a little dash of caffeine to their glass or mug of fatty sweat creamer. That's fine- I mean, it's your life- but this has nothing to do with "enjoying coffee" in my book.