This Full House

Power of Positive Thinking, Richardless

2012-02-17T15:35:35-05:00

Um, yeah, about my last post, sorry about that. Admitting that I sometimes experience dark feelings of angst and perhaps rely on other people's happiness, way too much, is not very conducive to engaging in an easy-breezy, go ahead take your shoes off and get comfortable, sort of conversation, right?

Also, not my typical writing style.

I blame it on having been home-bound for the last few weeks, harboring a fugitive kidney stone (his name is Richard, Dick for short) then being slammed with a wicked head cold, just when I was really beginning to feel pretty good -- especially, from the neck up.

Compounded by consuming large amounts of mindless TV (stay away from Bravo, it's highly addictive!) while the children and my husband took turns tucking me into the couch, or bringing me fresh boxes of tissues and herbal tea.

Then, it hit me like a ton of idioms: I was suffering from a man cold and...just ask any woman and they'll tell you...that shitz is near fatal, you guys!

So, last night I took my Nyquil (like a big girl) and said to myself...SELF!...you need to get rid of that shitz REAL FAST!

I am very happy to report that Richard (Dick for short) has indeed left the building, my head is clearing up and I am a MUCH better woman for it.

[incoming text message]

"I think you got me you filthy animal."

Good thing, seeing as I gave my husband my man cold.

So, please, for the love of Garth (not his real name) take care of yourselves, have a fantastic weekend (yes, ALL 3 of you) and if anyone needs me I'll be upstairs pretending to be asleep.

Until then I remain forever yours,

Richardless

As I See It, The Difference Between Envy and Jealousy is Most Likely a Nice Shade of Turquoise

2012-02-15T14:06:50-05:00

My 16yo dreams of being a famous photographer and it shows.

I'm a pretty tolerant mom. I don't have very many rules when it comes to my kids picking and choosing their friends. In fact, if anything, my husband and I try to encourage our children to be as open-minded and non-judgmental as they would want others to be.

Until, one of them has a falling out and, well, easier said than done, right?

On the one hand, it's difficult to remain objective while watching your child's heart break, as she drenches your shoulder with snot, believing that the world is indeed coming to an end and not want to rip their so-called bestie a new one.

Then again, speaking as an adult (mostly) it's a little easier to understand that we each carry our own pain which, more often than not, influences the decisions we make in life, good and/or bad.

Until, someone I care about inadvertently hurts me and, well, have you seen The Grudge?

A black, inky sort of BLECH! creeps over my insides and NO amount of bleach or disinfectant can keep me from being swallowed up by its toxicity.

I could always blame it on the winter blues. Or, being a woman (enough said) and claim jealousy on their part. Then again, I cannot honestly admit that I have never been envious of others, for reasons that would probably sound very silly or childish, to say out loud, anyway.

"So, have you spoken to So-and-So since, well, you know?"

Then, one of my kids turns around and says something profoundly adult-ish, like this:

"No, I've come to the decision that no matter what I do it will NEVER be good enough."

Aaaaaand, I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HER when I grow up.

Morale of the Story: Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone to do it.

Then again, happiness is highly subjective (I think) and thank goodness for small favors, right?

Valentine's Day Movie Meme: 14 Memorable Chick Flick Moments

2012-02-13T21:29:32-05:00

Oh, HEY! Guess what? Tomorrow is Valentine's Day (SURPRISE!) so, rather than bore you with details of my ultrasound of the killer kidney stone from hell (you're welcome!) I thought it would be fun to participate in a meme in which I get to share my 14 favorite chick flick moments .

Because, I am ALL about bringing the fun back into blogging.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Oh, c'mon! You like romantic comedies, right? No? That's okay. You get to be the one in charge of trashing this list. It'll be GREAT fun! Ready?

1. What is your favorite romantic comedy?

50 First Dates: I love this movie. Truth be told, a lot of my favorite romantic comedies star Drew Barrymore. The woman is so gosh-darned likable in ALL of them (DAMMIT!)

FAVORITE BIT: (Dr. Keats) Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds. (Ten Second Tom) I was in an accident? That's terrible. (Dr. Keats) Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds. (Ten Second Tom) Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain... Hi. I'm Tom.

2. What is your favorite romantic drama?

The Notebook: Ryan Gosling, enough said.

3. Worst romance film you've seen?

Fool's Gold: I get it, sometimes you just need to sit through a silly beach movie. This one, however, made me want to gorge my eyes out with a conch shell. Also, IMHO, worst onscreen chemistry...EVUH!

4. How do you feel about the majority of romantic films being labeled "chick flicks"?

Doesn't bother me, really. Oh, wait, am I supposed to be ENRAGED or something? Then again, I'm not all that into labels and I can't fully appreciate Le Swayze's pecs with my husband's snoring, anyway.

5. Favorite on-screen couple?

Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler: They're just so believable together and I'd want them on my team in charades, you know?

6. Favorite off-screen couple?

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner: They just seem so down to earth (look they even go grocery shopping together, d'awwww) almost feels like we could hang out (ALMOST!)

7. Best kiss in a movie?

Bridget Jones Diary: Colin Firth, enough said (such a romantic scene, too!)

8. Who are two film characters you wished had gotten together, but never did?

Emma Watson (a.k.a. Hermoine Granger) and Daniel Radcliffe (a.k.a. Harry Potter): I know, sacrilege, still, they both had muggle parents so, you know, it could have worked.

9. Two actors you think would have great chemistry, but have never done a film together?

You know, I can't think of any at the moment. Although, I thought Helen Hunt and Paul Rieser had great chemistry in Mad About You and I still kind of miss that show.

10. Favorite romantic scene?

Pride and Prejudice (the one with Kiera Knightly): hands down -- the sunrise scene, Darcy striding through a misty field towards Lizzy, knowing her fondness for walking when stressed and hoping he would find her there, so that he can FINALLY profess his love for her -- so, so very romantic.

11. Favorite romantic song in a film?

Unchained Melody from Ghost (also, my 2nd favorite romantic scene...EVUH!)

12. Best score from a romance film?

I've seen Waiting to Exhale at least a dozen times and absolutely love, Love, LOve, LOVe, LOVE this soundtrack (R.I.P. Whitney Houston.)

13. Most romantic film quote?

Moonstruck: “Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn’t know this either, love don’t make things nice–it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren’t here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die…Now I want you to come upstairs with me and get in my bed!” Ronny Cammareri (Nicolas Cage)

14. A film you'd recommend to watch on Valentine's Day?

Die Hard: Any of them. What? It's Valentine's Day. Besides, he'll probably fall asleep halfway and then the clicker is ALL yours, my friend!!!

[Blogtip to Meredith via Forever Classics]

Maybe She Knows Something I Don't Know

2012-02-10T16:06:36-05:00

What do you call the flower that grows between your nose and your chin? Tulips. Get it? Sorry, watched way too much Little Bear when my kids were little-er.

A friend of mine called me yesterday and this is where my father would insist that...NO!...I don't have friends, I just know people AND after having said that would laugh the hardest (yeah, good one, dad!)

Aaaaanyway, her youngest and my youngest are best friends, as of yesterday, as far as I know, anyway (they're 10 year-old girls, enough said.)

"I've been very worried about you."

Long story, short (you're welcome!) she saw our two girls walking together after school and later asked her daughter, "I haven't seen Mrs. Thompson this week, how is she?"

"I can't tell you."

Her mother, as any mother would, wanted to know, you know, why the heck not?

"It's a secret."

She then went on to tell me how she tried explaining to her daughter that keeping secrets between friends is perfectly fine, however, if one of her mom friends was in trouble, or needed help, she would want to know.

Then, she went real quiet on the phone.

"I have a kidney stone."

[exhaling]

"Oh thank God!"

Poor thing. She had all sorts of stories going on in her head. Apparently, she even tried to casually bring me up in conversation with another friend of mine, was too polite to ask her straight up and now her own daughter was all like, I know something you don't know.

"I wonder why she thought it was a secret?"

I mean, my husband and I were both Facebook-ing from the emergency room.

"She says your husband told her not to tell anybody."

I assured her, considering my youngest child's penchant for broadcasting news -- most especially, if it's not her news to tell -- that my husband probably didn't want her to go around arbitrarily shouting it out to anyone and everyone.

"Well, your daughter is pretty good at keeping secrets."

Much later, my husband came home from work, walked into the kitchen and was all, like, "Oooooh, pretty flowers!"

[one beats, two beats]

"Mrs. So-and-So dropped those off for mom!"

See what I mean? What if I wanted to pretend that they were from, oh I don't know, a secret admirer, or something?

"But, you're married, you're not allowed to have secret admirers mom!"

Good to know.

"Yeah, now they're called stalkers."

Okay, alright, so there was this one time, last weekend, when a few of my friends stalked my husband on Facebook.

What? They hadn't heard from me in a while, either. Besides, that's what social media is for, right?!?

Crawling Out From Underneath The Snuggie, The Squatter and Tearing Up My Unmentionables

2012-02-08T15:05:22-05:00

References and just so you know stuff:

Melisa with One S and her Vlog about absolutely nothing - The Voice.
Also, I was going for lemming, not a lemur (DER!)
Although I realize it is not life-threatening, the squatter is a real p.i.t.a.!
I miss the days of blogging about absolutely nothing.

How about you? Ever deal with a squatter? Are you a terrible patient as I am?

FRESHLY-BREWED ELSEWHERE: I am partnering with Hallmark as a Life is a Special Occasion blogger and sharing personal stories, insights and inspirations in enjoying simple, every day moments, with you (yes, YOU!) Like, how my how my friends stalked my husband on Facebook and I "liked" it.

Like the Little Kidney Stone That Could, I Continue to Serve As a Cautionary Tale for Moms (and Dads!)

2012-02-06T14:58:24-05:00

I told the E.R. nurse I was feeling cruddy for over a week now (give or take a bathroom stop, or twenty) but, I just shrugged it off as the kids sharing a stomach bug, or something, as she continued to draw my blood and nod her head very sympathetically.

I stared at the ceiling (I'm not a very good bleeder) recapping my symptoms, the first of many more times to come:

Stomach pain, radiating to my lower back
Pressure in lower abdomen, similar to contractions
Feeling sick, nausea
Frequent bathroom stops

All of which I promptly ignored, coming downstairs the night before to make myself a place on the couch so as not to disturb my husband, thinking this too shall pass.

The next morning, I made an appointment for my youngest daughter's well visit (true story, it's on my Facebook timeline) and then made a mental decision to just continue to work right through the pain.

Until, my oldest walked through our front door and found me, while trying to talk on the phone with my husband, doubled-over and gasping for air.

"Change of plans...GASP!...I'm having dad drive me to...GASP!...the hospital."

You see, I called my husband Garth (NHRN) a few minutes earlier just to let him know that I may or may not take myself over to the doctor's office and I was a little pissed that he then called his dad to come over, just in case.

"Sounds like a kidney stone."

I thought, NAH! Kidney stones are his thing, not mine. There isn't any history of stones in my family.

"I'm thinking...GASP!...some sort of infection."

Can you tell we've been married over 20 years? Arguing symptoms and self-diagnosing, like that?

Long story, short (you're welcome) turns out we were BOTH right.

Aaaaand, a wicked bacterial infection that caused me to spike a temperature during my hospital stay (twice) which they say had me about two steps away from sepsis (I am NOT EVEN looking that up) and the stupid kidney stone is still there.

After a few days of ICK! and getting the word from my Grey's Anatomy-type handsome doctors (seriously, looking like this?) I can FINALLY go home!

Although, not as pretty (I'm pretty sure, anyway) the stone is the size of a 3mm diamond stud earring and it's stuck somewhere in my nether regions.

Which means: every time I go the bathroom, it's NOW an adventure!

"Just think of it as your going out and panning for gold."

Dry humor aside, my husband Garth (NHRN) has been PHENOMENAL throughout this whole mess, I don't know HOW the kids and I could have gone through the last few days of ICK! without him.

Even though he insists on treating me like some sort of invalid.

"I can't get up."

Turns out, he's right. I can't do a gosh-darned thing without asking for help and any mom (or dad) will tell you...DUDE!...it is SO NOT a good feeling.

Morale of the Story: Don't put yourself last!!! Or go ahead, then give yourself a good kick in the ass, for me, okay?

This morning, my oldest daughter emailed her teachers to let them know that she's taking care of me along with my youngest daughter who is also home from school with a fever today.

"My teachers all told me to tell you to get better and that they understand."

They ALL happen to be moms and dads, too.

Why, Yes, My Holiday Decorations Are STILL Up, I'm Still Waiting for a White Christmas, Okay?

2012-01-30T10:24:34-05:00

I'm not a big fan of January. Although, I don't mind bundling up under a cozy blanket or the way my kitchen smells when my older girls get on their baking kick (DAMMIT!) oh, and how the sky and stars seem so much brighter, especially at night.

I'm not sure if I can explain it other than a feeling of anticipation, like something BIG is about to happen (good, bad, whatever) and then, you know, it doesn't.

Partly, because Mother Nature seems to be feeling the same way OR going all pre-menopausal and can't decide if she's hot or cold (I know how she feels, DAMMIT!) frankly, I think she's saving up and, maybe like the rest of Jersey, I'm just waiting for the other stiletto to fall.

In the meantime, I've got a houseful of my own crazy to deal with and I just wish the woman would make up her mind, you know?

Then the wench goes and turns the lights on this morning and, well, DAMMIT, just like a woman, eh? Now what am I going to complain about?

I know, I'll just go ahead and get a jumpstart on my spring cleaning.

[one beat, two beats]

Heh, so, how long did it take for you to see right through that piece of fibbery?

Actually, I'm going to work on taking down the Christmas lights and maybe even the last of the indoor decorations, too (don't judge) since, you know, Valentine's Day is just around the corner.

Although, at second glance, they do seem to have A LOT of red in them, don't the? So it's legal, right?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Riiiiight. If anybody needs me, I'll be upstairs pretending that...WHY YES!...nutcrackers most certainly ARE an important part of Easter, or something.

Freshly-Brewed Elsewhere: I am partnering with Hallmark as a Life is a Special Occasion blogger and will be sharing personal stories, insights and inspirations in enjoying simple, every day moments, with you (yes, YOU!) Like, did you ever forget your kid's birthday? I did (okay, almost!)

Please Excuse My Daughter For Being Absent from School Yesterday....My Hormones Were Raging.

2012-01-27T09:00:37-05:00

I don't scare easily. I have 4 kids, 3 of whom are teenagers, which simply means, not unlike Wolverine, I have evolved (somewhat) and grown nerves of steel, my friends: Wolvermom, if you will.

Wait, I lied.

No, not about the having 4 kids part (I have weak stomach muscles and very poor bladder control to prove it, you're welcome) and my toe nails can get freakishly long. Especially this time of....[blank stare]....uh, never mind.

Aaaaaanyway, what was I saying?

[stares at toenails]

Oh yeah, so my youngest woke up feeling sick the other day (shocking, I know!) announcing that her "stomach feels weird" and these words, my friends, frighten me even more than trying to wake my teens.

[shiver]

So, I called her out of school explaining "her stomach feels weird." Considering the stomach bug is currently running rampant at (and through) this particular school, enough said, right?

An hour or so later, the house phone rings.

"Your daughter Hope was marked absent, today. Please send a note explaining the reason for her absence."

Fine. Okay. Then, my cell phone rings.

"Your daughter Hope was marked absent, today...."

Fiiiiiiiiiiine, okaaaaaaay. Then, I get a text.

"Your daughter...."

Really? Because, I would NEVER have known and feeling a little cranky my ownself I decided this would be a good time to get some work done, opened my email and...

"Your...."

A'IGHT!!! They asked for it!!!

Please excuse my daughter for being absent from school yesterday:

She woke up announcing that her "stomach feels weird."

I suggested maybe she just needed to go to the bathroom.

Or maybe she was hungry.

Aaaaanyway.

She proceeded to evacuate her bowels.

For the next 10 minutes.

Maybe it was more like 15.

Okay, I don't really know.

For sure.

I know she was NOT hungry.

Aaaaanyway.

Her bowel movement must have been extreme.

As she lost all color in her face.

Proceeded to burp.

Repeatedly.

She ran back to the bathroom.

Fearing an oral evacuation of epic proportions.

I listened through the door.

Because, I'm a joiner.

Apparently, her bowels were not fully evacuated.

As she tested our plumbing, on and off, for most of the morning.

Give or take a few burps.

So, I thought it best to keep her home.

Considering the plumbing in your school has not been up to snuff.

Not since Hurricane Irene, anyway.

Aaaaand, you wouldn't want the kid to break wind in the middle of gym class.

Would you?

I mean, THAT sort of thing could scar a kid.

For life.

Trust me.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Yes, I know, I know. I really don't think that's what they meant, either. But, dang if I don't feel a whole lot less, you know, hormonal.

Note to Parents of Younger Kids: It's not always like this (you're welcome!) just, mostly.

Note to Parents of Older Kids: No, I didn't really go into such detail (DAMMIT!) but, you know I wanted to, right?

Wordless Wednesday: Sympathy Pains

2012-01-25T08:41:57-05:00

Our youngest is home sick on the couch with a stomach bug and looks to me Doofus-Dawg is having some serious sympathy pains.

Freshly-Brewed Elsewhere: Did you ever forget your kid's birthday? I did (okay, almost!) Sharing memorable moments over at Favorite Finds and my friends at Hallmark.

HALP! There's ANOTHER Teenager in the House!

2012-01-23T10:44:27-05:00

I remember when I first became the mother of a teenager -- which, considering my oldest girl is 18 now (SOB!) truly is an amazing thing (that I even remember it, I mean!)

Then my middle girl turned 13 and, well, any thoughts of my ever regaining full brain function flew right out the front door, along with the Christmas tree.

Today, at precisely 2:05 a.m., my son joined the ranks of teenage-dom and not for nothing (word to Jenn) this time, it's different.

What a difference a year makes, eh?

I have to tell the boy to scootch down in order to scold him and, well, that's just not right, you know?

I'm 5' 9". Enough said.

CURRENT COUNT: Teens outnumber tweens 3 to 1 (HALP!) the latest having grown very adept at out-grossing his sisters with very realistic sounding fart noises during a sleepover with a few of his AXE-infused buddies, this past weekend.

At least, I think they were pretending. I was too busy trying not to puke and/or keep my head from exploding. I still don't think the girls are quite over it.

Me, either.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and scrape a few of my brain cells from off of the ceiling and THEN maybe I can figure out a way to convince my 10 year-old daughter that burping the alphabet, during dinner with her grandparents, is SO NOT funny.

According to my son, blowing milk out of your nose during a conversation and pretending like it is NOT EVEN happening is way funnier.