This Idiot I Work With

IT Support Idiot

2010-12-14T12:23:00.000-08:00

I work with one too! Thing is, if I did or said the things my Idiot CoWorker (IC) does I would be gone--what's worse? This IC makes more than I do, has less degrees and experience, comes in late, leaves early and takes 2hr lunches and THEN takes credit for MY work! IC doesnt want to do something so the project/work gets pushed on to me because the person we now report to knows I will get it done. IC only does 3 things...and does them poorly. ARRRRRRGGGGGGG I have gone to HR, I have gone to who we report to, several times. (I do keep a paper trail as well on all this). Nothing gets fixed.

IC acts like they know what is going on but they don't...they ask me questions on stuff they should know. One thing though...I used to report to IC and they changed it so now we are on the same level and report to someone else--let me note that the change in reporting was NOT because of me. The guy who was IC's mgr told me he wanted to work in a different dept and I knew it was coming way before the issues with IC became so turbulent. I'm looking for another job. Never in my life have I ever had to work with someone like that! And what is so sad? People like that are the ones that move up in this world and get all the breaks.

iPhone App Idiot

2010-04-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

This idiot I work with can't stop with his stupid ass iPhone apps. The idiot spends $300 on a phone so he can pretend it's a light saber, so he can cock it like a shotgun, and then it can make fart sounds too.

He's in his mid 30s.

Duck Tail Idiot

2010-02-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

This Idiot I work with is a man in his late 30s with a wife and children, which is a surprise in of itself, but after the faux hawk craze has thankfully died; a craze which he was a loyal supporter of, he now has one of those retarded duck tail things on the back of his hair. I thought those were the sole possession of inbred children in the American south, but I guess hey, if it's cool for a hillbilly, it's cool for an aging hipster douche approaching a mid-life crisis. Idiot.

Virus Ad Clicker Idiot

2010-02-11T08:10:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with has now TWICE clicked on those pop up ads that say something like, "Your CPU is infected, Click here NOW!!!" Now, I have to put everything else I need to do with our network on hold so that I can fix this jack stains computer again.

When I explained that that's how some viruses trick you (I figured I'd make the virus sound like a monster so that he would take it seriously), you could see the lightbulb flash on like I'd translated the Dead Sea Scrolls by memory or something.

Personal Sacrifices Idiot

2010-02-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

This Idiot I Work For explained to us that he understands that sacrifices people have had to make over the past year because of the economy. For instance he really wanted to finally buy that Rolls Royce he always wanted, but awwww, he couldn't, and instead had to keep driving his motherfucking Ferrari for another year. And for the record, he wasn't being sarcastic or ironic or anything, he was being 100% serious.

Boss Rewrite Idiot

2010-02-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with decided to rewrite some bs company jargon I wrote three years ago that we've been using in press material with no problem. So this moron rewrites what I wrote and then sends me what he wrote so that I can rewrite his rewrite of what I already wrote WHICH WAS ALREADY JUST FINE to begin with. He's one of the worst types of bosses: the kind that hires specialists to do the work he can't but still has to dip his untrained finger in their work thinking that earns him respect.

Lack of Conversation Skills Idiot

2010-01-20T09:14:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with is a complete fail at conversing. All she does is talk at you and at a volume totally unnecessarily too loud for the given situation. She's one of these people that doesn't listen so much as give you 15 seconds to respond while she reloads for another 3 minute lecture. And that's communication, folks.

Green Bay Packers joke Idiot

2010-01-20T08:34:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work has been running around the office for a week still yelling about the "Green Bay Butt Packers." It was kind of funny when I was in seventh grade, as all jokes about butts and sex were, but unfortunately we're not in seventh grade, otherwise I'd totally challenge him to meet me over by the bike racks after school.

Smoking Break Idiot

2009-12-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with gets more breaks than anyone else in that works here because she has to take smoke breaks! She's managed to convince the owner that she'll go crazy if can't run out for a smoke every hour. It's not like she's hot or anything and that's why she gets an extra break because that's for sure that's not the case. Maybe something is going on? I don't know, I don't care, I just want a break too.

Critiquing Idiot

2009-12-01T11:55:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with has the gall to tell me that I'm doing my job wrong. His education and experience: a GED and almost a semester of community college (this is his first "non-retail gig"). Me: an MBA and six years working in Marketing. BLARGH!!!!!

Old Man on Twitter Idiot

2009-11-25T10:44:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with should've retired years ago to begin with, but that's beside the point. He can't seem to figure out how to Tweet over on Twitter. Username, password, and there you go. It's not difficult. He drives a car, which is more difficult that saying "Hey, for more information on XXXXXXXXX go to XXXXXXXXX.com." For the record, I'm bitching about this because our company is web based and we're in the technology industry and this guy's job is in marketing. And yea, he makes more than me and it pisses me off.

UFC Idiot

2009-11-25T10:15:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with is like a friggin UFC baromter. Everytime one is coming up, he devolves into a lesser form of human for a week. He talks to anyone who will listen about the fights (whether or not they're interested) and what he'd do if he was fighting and whatever. I watch the stuff with my boyfriend sometimes, but there's no way that it's a sign of sane mental health to be running around the office like he does oooh-ing and aaah-ing about guys fighting.

End of the Meeting Idiot

2009-11-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with can't shut up at the end of a meeting. Look, it's Thanksgiving week, we have a shit ton of stuff to do and you know the point in a meeting when everything needed to be discussed has been covered? This waste can't take the hint that it's over and brings up the EXACT SAME shit we just covered so it looks like he contributed.

Thanksgiving Idiot

2009-11-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with doesn't "believe" in Thanksgiving. Do I really need to add anything else?

Family Guy Idiot

2009-11-12T11:15:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with has it in his head that if he quotes Family Guy in lieu of possessing an actual personality that it's the stuff of interesting conversation. In fact, the more he quotes his favorite lines, the more it ruins my experience of watching the show because I can't get it out of head of thinking of how he'll ruin it the next morning.

Lame-O Porsche Idiot

2009-11-09T16:21:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with thinks he's real hot shit by having his car detailed in the parking lot every week. Now it's a Porsche, and that's cool, whatever. Upon closer inspection though - the thing's an automatic. An automatic Porsche!!! LOL at this poser dipshit douchebag!

Wanna-Be Model Idiot

2009-11-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with literally will stand in front of the mirror checking himself out - arms, chest, everything until someone notices. He tells people that he's into photography. Someone asks him what kind of camera he has and he says, "No. I like having pictures taken of me." He's trying to be an actor in LA. Shocking.

Preachy Hypocrite Idiot

2009-11-04T14:37:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with will not allow her 9 year old daughter to dress up
for Halloween, watch American Idol, watch regular sit-coms which are
age appropriate, but on Wednesday night allows her to stay up and
watch "Dog the Bounty Hunter" until 10:00pm because of its "social
redeeming value" and then all of us in the medical lab have to hear about
it the next day.

ALL FRIGGING 2 HOURS OF IT!!!

OCD Idiot

2009-11-03T12:30:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with has OCD so bad that it gets in the way of us getting anything done sometimes. What we (mainly me) like to do is get to work early in the morning and rearrange the items in the kitchen so that when he gets to work he spends fifteen minutes each morning putting things back in place. When he goes to lunch, we (I) do it all over again.

Body Odor Idiot

2009-11-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

This idiot I work with has it stuck in his head that it's somehow appropriate to substitute cheap cologne for deodorant. Did I mention he's a fat guy? He is. I have no proof but I suspect that he also substitutes wiping off with a paper towel for taking a shower. Think of a warthog running around a steaming pile of turd while locked in a sauna and that's just about the funk this man spews from his pores. He has singlehandedly made me hate the summer. Can you guess why?

Halloween Costume Idiot

2009-10-30T10:46:00.000-07:00

This idiot I work with can get over how fucking awesome he thinks his Halloween costume is. You're a dead pseudo-celeb. Maybe it's slightly moderately chuckle (eh) worthy. It's certainly not worth yelling about every time you see someone. The joke really wasn't that funny to begin with and is now very very very very old and it's not even 11am.

Human Resources Idiot

2009-10-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

This idiot I work with actually thinks that people beyond her and her assistant care about Human Resources. And I'm not ever sure about the assistant. So sad.

Family Benefits Idiot

2009-10-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

This idiot I work with (for) has cut pay for everyone in the company by 20%, has a hiring freeze going on, no reviews for two years, canceled all outsourced projects to bring them in house - with no extra pay for the people who do them, btw - but SOMEHOW manages to find a way to put his daughter on the payroll.

Disgustingly Sick Idiot

2009-10-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

This idiot I work with spends easily the first two hours every morning coughing, hacking, sneezing, snorting, and grunting. EVERY MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!! I share a wall with her, so I have a symphony of phlegm to greet me every morning. She seems to stop just in time for her morning smoke break though. The best part is that she's the receptionist.

Boss Butt Kissing Idiot

2009-10-26T16:16:00.001-07:00

This idiot I work with just told the head boss that his new idea was the best thing to ever happen to this company and that after five years here, this is the most exciting day in his career here because the boss had some dumb idea. LOL.