Here to stay.

2011-10-12T07:06:00.000+01:00

I'm starting anew. £100 for whoever can tell me how many times I've said that ;)

My life has become a big bundle of lies.
So let me start fresh.
My name isn't really Layla. It's my internet pseudo-name. But I cant risk anyone finding this blog and working out who I really am, because no one knows about my inner 'struggles' and I like to keep it that way.
I'm old now, 20 years of age. I think I started this blog when I was 17? jesus. but I kept disappearing every 3-4 months because I would get discouraged and then depressed and would rather lay in bed all day.
I'd like to keep myself as Layla, as it helps me detach me from myself, and when I read all your lovely comments, in that split second I get to pretend that I'm not actually me. I get to pretend that I'm the beautiful, elegant and fragile Layla who I have pictured in my head. The Layla I hope to be someday.

I'm in my second year studying Psychology in the UK.
I went through depression and self harm for about 4 years, I like to believe I'm ok now. I haven't inflicted pain on myself for about a year now, apart from one or two slip ups. But I do still sometimes get urges.

I have decided to redirect my blog, away from just my eating struggles, and have it for my everyday encounters. (but still include my eatings as a large part of the blog.)

Why I'm back?
Because I've officially hit rock bottom.
I was completely ignorant to everything. Convinced I was in control and everything was fine. I let go and gave up. Before I knew it I had put on 3876487236 kilos, doing drugs everyday, trying to avoid heartbreak, and losing everyone around me. I barely sleep, and in turn find it hard to concentrate in my lectures and have enough energy to study. And I know if I don't buckle the fuck up, I wont be passing my second year.

This blog gave me a routine, and I need one now more than ever.

Velvet Goldmine.

Here to stay.