This is Not a Rant!

Needs Must...But What Do We Really Need?

2012-02-07T17:30:00.003-05:00

A quick update: Success (of a sort)! I managed to find a pharmacy that could fill my scrip. Unfortunately, the scrip had expired by the time I did. I'm getting a new one this week. Hopefully they'll still have it. I've temporarily handed over all the powers of the Executive until such time as I am ready to resume the responsibility (What I wouldn't give to have my own Josh, Toby, Sam, C.J., and Leo. And Donna...hmmmmmm...whuh? Oh, sorry. Let's move on.).

Anyway, life keeps a-moving. Plans continue to be made for the wedding, which will be in October. We've more or less picked a venue, and we're now negotiating the guest list. Neither one of us being particularly traditional (except when it comes to Celtic music), this is going to be a pretty low-key affair. Think of a Halloween party that just happens to be taking place at the same time as a marriage ceremony. We may even decide to make costumes optional. I wonder what the Misfits are doing that day...

One of the things we talked about is the fact that, really, there isn't all that much we need. We've got kitchen stuff, china, linens, appliances, etc., so it's not like we're starting out fresh (although, if it were possible to register for a Swiss bank account, we'd be open to advice on how). Obviously, if someone wants to buy us something, we'd be grateful for the gesture and the gift. Who doesn't like getting presents? We've registered for some fun things at Amazon, and will probably do the same with Target, for our older relatives who aren't as web-savvy. What we're asking people to do is make a donation to one (or even all, if it's within your means) of these three charities.

My folks have been giving to My Brother's Keeper for years. They met the founders while on Cursillo (which, for those who don't know, is a religious retreat). They are the very definition of practicing what you preach, providing furniture, clothes, food, and other essentials to low income families in need. They do these things in the name of their Christian faith. Now, I'm not particularly religious, and I'm not a fan of evangelicals (not that they are, I'm just saying). But I've always held that, if your faith gives you comfort and inspires you to do good works, then more power to you. You could not find a better example of this than My Brother's Keeper.

Jess' family has given to Boys Town over the years. If you've seen the Spencer Tracy/Mickey Rooney classic, you pretty much have an idea of what their deal is. Since that film was made, they've expanded their services to meet the needs of the times, and they're now open to all families, not just boys. They've also expanded from one location in Nebraska to several regional centers, including one in New England.

Jess and I chose Punks for a Princess, an organization founded by my friend Tony Soly. They started in 2008 in response to the heartbreaking loss of his 7-year old niece, and they give money to various charities helping children in need. There's actually a campaign going on right now on the Indie-Go-Go website to help raise some funds to cover some of their administrative costs. They're looking to raise at least $5,000.00, and as of this writing, they have 25 days and just under $2,000.00 to go. If you're into punk music and paraphanelia, they have some really neat premium incentives for certain dollar amount donations, so check it out.

We've got a lot of good things in our lives, not the least of which is each other and our families. And the things young engaged couples usually ask for, we pretty much already have. The things we absolutely need are things that only we can provide for ourselves, so why not make our day a time to help those who need it most?

Make the donation in our name, your own name, or the name of someone you want to honor. All we ask is that you take a look at what these organizations have to offer, and give till it feels good. That's more than enough of a gift for us.

What It Must Feel Like to Be a Pinball

2012-02-02T16:29:00.001-05:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you're stuck in a bind between two different people or companies, each blaming the other for holding back or preventing something that will help you with a problem, and neither of them offering any kind of solution or even trying to show the least amount of empathy? Just think what it would be like to have that He Said/She Said taking place between two massively large and powerful entities. That's what's going on right now for people who need to take Adderall to treat their ADHD symptoms.

There is currently a nationwide shortage of Adderall, and the pharmaceutical companies are accusing the federal government of limiting their ability to make more. The government counters that the industry is holding back in order to raise prices. The end result is that those people who depend on this drug are forced to either go searching around to several pharmacies in search of it, and do without until it's found, or switch medications to something that may not be as effective and carries different side effects.

I'm one of those people, and speaking on behalf of all of us (Because I'm sure they would have all elected me for this if they'd have been able to focus a little better), I'm here to say I DON'T CARE WHO'S GODDAMN FAULT THIS IS, JUST FIX IT!

Oh. My. Giddy. Aunt. Is there anything more frustrating than dealing with organizations who, were they fulfilling their purpose, should be helping you, but are instead taking the hands-off approach and pointing at the other one, saying "It's his fault"? I'm sure there is somewhere, but I sure as hell wouldn't be able to recognize it because I just saw something shiny over there.

I'd been on a couple other meds before, and things were starting to get a lot better for me then. But once Adderall was introduced to the mix, it was like night and day. Unfortunately, because it's so effective at helping one's mind focus and sweep away the cobwebs, an even bigger contrast is going from having it to not having it. When you haven't taken it, things you didn't even realize were a problem start to improve measurably. But once that supply is gone those things seem even worse. I think I've been relatively lucky in that the last couple of times I've had difficulty getting a scrip filled, it's only lasted a day or two until I could find it elsewhere. Not so right now. I've been out for nearly two weeks now. Unfortunately, so has my pharmacy, and every other pharmacy in the region. And there have been repercussions.

In the last several days, I've experienced intense confusion at home, at work, and in at least two near-miss incidents while driving. I've had conversations with people in which I couldn't have told you what they'd just said if you'd threatened my life. Now, you can argue whether some people are actually worth paying attention to. But when your job requires active listening skills? You pretty much gotta give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

Switching medications is definitely an option. But like I said before, switching can be a tricky business. Not all ADHD meds treat things the same way. My doctor is reluctant to switch me because the Adderall's been working so well, and I agree. But when there's no Adderall to be had? I don't know, in a case like this, if it's necessarily true that some medication is better than none. Given my doctor's hesitance, I think she's inclined to agree.

So while a fairly large chunk of the population is worried beyond worried that all of the progress they've made will wash away like a sand castle (a scenario made even more troubling once one knows what better actually feels like), the people in the position to actually do something about this are shuffling their feet, shrugging their shoulders, and saying "Yeah, doesn't look like it's going to get better any time soon."

Great, well you folks just continue twiddling your thumbs. We'll be over here, trying to figure out why the VCR isn't cooking our Lean Pockets.

Or, you could just get off your asses and fix it. It really is just that simple, assholes.

The Sound of Our Town(s)

2012-02-01T17:33:00.000-05:00

One of the really great things I've been able to do lately is go to more shows around Boston, Worcester, and Providence, and reconnect with old friends that are still around, and also meet and hang out with folks who weren't around during the Pleistocene Era, when I was in high school and college and going to shows. There are a lot of great bands out there that came along after I'd stepped away, and a whole bunch of the bands from my days, and some from before that (hello, F.U.s!), are starting to play out again, for fun, nostalgia, or what have you. It's definitely a good time to be around the New England punk scene.

And the last couple of months have been a boon, at least for me. Street Dogs, Lenny Lashley, the Lyres, Classic Ruins, Toasters, Ska-Prest, the Snipes, Brunt of It, Frank Turner, The Locals, and many many more bands have blown through here. And that's not even counting the shows I didn't hear about until it was too late (The Damned), or the shows I couldn't make because I was at another show (Bosstones, various shows at the Midway, PVD Social Club, Ralph's, the Middle East, etc.). There have been just a plethora of shows and going's on around the area in general. And I'm working my way back into it faster than I thought I would.

Of the shows I mentioned above, I can't think of a single one that was disappointing in the least. And there are a ton of shows coming up that I am determined to get to, come hell or high water. In the near future, I'm going to be devoting a fair amount of this space to promoting, and then reviewing, those shows, particularly the ones that feature local acts. I want to give as much of a spotlight as I can to the huge amount of talent in this area, and hopefully do my small part to get folks out to see these bands that tear up the local clubs every week.

And things are starting to move a little more on my own front, musically, as well. I now have at least three different projects going: My own solo stuff, some duo music with Jess, and an as-yet nebulous group of people looking to maybe do the band thing again. Dates will be announced very soon for one or all of those things. Actually, Jess and I will be appearing at the Galway Bay Pub in Pawtucket, Rhose Island on April 27th. Hopefully there will be more people there that were at Leitrim's. I think it should be fine, as the pub is right behind McCoy Stadium, the home of the Red Sox' top minor league affiliate. I'd guess they get some good crowds during the baseball season.

I'm still going to write about mental health and other issues, as they still figure large in my life. And there are some things going on in that arena that bear commenting on (*cough*nationwideAdderallshortage*cough*). But I think expanding the range will make this a more enjoyable exercise, both for myself and others. Hopefully, I can expose you to something new. And hopefully, you can do the same for me.

Stock Taking and Belly Rubs

2012-01-27T17:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, you just want to go ahead and have the lobotomy and get it over with. And then your shift ends and you go home and it's the weekend. It's been that kind of week. Not for any reason in particular, but there are just those weeks when it seems you really can't stand what you're doing all day, and you're doing everything you can to rectify that situation, and thus far you're getting nowhere, even with people who seem to be really interested in your skills. It's been that kind of month.

And then it's five o'clock on Friday, and time to go slalom through the highway/obstacle course to home. The cat, as always, meets you at the door, and then plops down on his spot on the living room rug, and assumes the "I'm ready for my belly rubs" position. And someone amazing comes out and greets you with a radiant smile and an incredible hug and an electric kiss, and now it's okay to be tired and giddy and let the stress of the week go back into the recesses of your awareness, ready for relaxation and adventure. And maybe this time, Monday will hold off for a little bit.

What would help, what would really help, is if your job wasn't completely rote and unimaginative. If your living was made by doing something that actually makes you excited. And maybe even involves things that interest you and appeal to your passions. A job where you don't feel like nodding off at your desk in the middle of the day . One where you're not constantly micro-managed, even though management is fully aware that you've been doing this for over ten years, and you pretty much have it down at this point.

You think back to the jobs you had that were the most enjoyable, and they usually involved something to do with music, arts, literature, performance, or some combination of them. Unfortunately, those were also always the jobs that paid the least. And so your strategy now is to find something that combines at least elements of those things with your current skill set, and if you can find something that at least comes close, you could probably be fine with that. So you keep looking, because improving your situation doesn't just mean making more money.

But right now, you're home. You're warm, and loved, and happy. And you're not all that worried about it, because things are going well, and you have no plans to give up.

Now if only the cat would stop jumping on your head at two in the morning...

The Most Adorable Hardcore Song EVER

2012-01-19T14:03:00.000-05:00

I challenge the entire hardcore community to come up with something cuter than this. She even has the scowl down. I'm pretty sure she could kick every member of Black Veil Brides' ass. Actually, I know a lot of people who'd like to see that.

Another One About the Cat...and One Other Thing

2012-01-17T13:53:00.002-05:00

Well, more or less. I guess it's really about adapting to change. I'm not always so good at it, I admit. But it's been interesting to watch Finn adjust and adapt to his new surroundings. The first night in the new house, he basically found some boxes in the laundry room to hide behind, and there he stayed. Over the next week or so, he gradually started to explore his way around all the new space he suddenly had. He began developing little routines, finding new favorite spots (Windows are still his primary form of entertainment during the day. We call it "Finn TV."), and getting used to all the new people in his life. Jess, he was already well familiar with. Our roommate Jessie was a completely new person he'd never met before, as well as the frequent visitors and "Whosday" attendees. He's found a spot in the front room to replace the spot in the old living room on which to receive his belly rubs when we get home. Life, it seems, is pretty good for the toddler.

One of the more entertaining things (for me, anyway) to see was him getting used to hearing noises from above. We didn't have an upstairs in the old place, and so for a while he'd dash into some little hidey hole whenever someone walked around on the floor above. He's also developed a habit of trying to look behind all of the pictures we have hanging up. I'm not really sure what he's hoping to find, but he keeps checking. I think maybe he thinks they're doors to something. I have to admit, it would be kinda neat to find out he's right.

I didn't need a whole lot of adjusting to the new house, as I'd already spent plenty of time there. The commute is definitely different. The adjustment for me was getting used to living with someone else again. What made it easier was that, while I'd gotten used to being pretty much on my own, it hadn't been all that long since I'd co-habitated, so getting back into the swing of that wasn't so hard. And Jess is very easy to live with, which is a plus. The fact that it's a bigger place, with plenty of room for everyone so we're not always on top of each other definitely helps. There's a TV upstairs, one downstairs, a library, dining room, etc. The only thing I really have to adjust to is getting around a city that, before this year, I'd never really spent a whole lot of time in. Before, my experience with Worcester consisted mainly of driving straight to the venue I was either performing at or seeing someone perform at, and then going home afterward. Now I live here, and I'm learning how to navigate my way around the area. It's not particularly daunting, just different. The only thing I miss a little bit is the ability to walk from my place to the center of town. Here, we have to get in the car to go practically anywhere we want to go. Then again, I had to do that in the old place too, if I wanted to head to Providence or Boston or wherever.

I'm happy here, Finn seems pretty happy too, and so far it doesn't appear that Jess has any problems with us being there full time. In fact, the adjustment has gone so well that we announced to our families and friends this weekend that we're engaged. Yup, we've agreed to be each others ball and chain. We're planning for late October, at a venue to be determined. We're still figuring out the details of all that, but it's going to be one hell of a hooley, that's for damn sure.

Other than that, pretty quiet. And you?

Because I'm Young

2012-01-03T14:28:00.000-05:00

2012 came in with a yawn. Not because it was boring, but because it was the first low key New Year's Eve I've had in a very long time. Back when I was doing standup, New Year's almost always meant a big money show, the trade off being that everyone was drunk and loud, and you weren't so much doing a standup act as herding cats. When I joined the Gobshites, we all piled into Pete's house for New Year's Eve with our instruments and had a fun seissun. Last year was spent in Providence, seeing my friend Natalie's band Thunderbox, the all-girl metal tribute supergroup, and Sasquatch and the Sickabillys, the all boy rockabilly/punk supergroup/bar fight waiting to happen. This year was decidedly more quiet. Just me, Jess, her cousin and her cousin's husband at their home, having dinner and laughing. Relaxed, no alcohol (for me, anyway), watching Kathy Griffin take her top off and Anderson Cooper trying to keep up. The last couple of weeks of the year were, in fact, a very nice break from the norm. I only worked a total of five full days, and had two mini vacations wedged in there. We had Christmas, new babies, a couple of Dr. Who-athons, and a lot of relaxing and reflecting. Definitely what I needed to close out 2011.

I tend not to make resolutions, because I know I'm just as liable to get distracted and either forget what I promised myself, or I'll feel so crappy about breaking those promises that I stop trying altogether. With any luck (and a big assist from medical science), I'll be a lot better about all of that this year. So instead of resolutions, here's what I'd like to see happen for 2012...

First, I'd like to continue my personal winning streak. All of the things I've started in the latter half of 2011 need to continue throughout this year and beyond. I also need to kill off whatever voice in my head that keeps asking "Yeah but, aren't you a little too old now?" No, asshole, I'm not. I'm 42. Even if I'm a little over halfway through life, that still leaves plenty of time to get some things done. There's a reason they call it Middle Age. I want to keep learning new things. Musically, artistically, creatively, and whatever else-ively. I want to finish the songs I'm writing, write some new ones, bring them to a live setting, and maybe even record some of them. I want to continue developing as a prose writer, and maybe finally tackle some fiction/short story writing. I want to get back into illustration, possibly take a class, and get one of the tattoos I've designed inked on me. Or maybe even someone else. That might be neat.  Unless the tattoo is later used to identify someone on a wanted poster. That would not be very neat at all. Maybe I'll just continue designing them for me and not commit any crimes.

I'd also like it if I could keep a lid on my patience for any of these things. All too often in the past, I'd forget that most people can't just pick up a skill and master it right away. I'd get frustrated from lack of significant progress, rather than take pride in what I'd learned to do already. Then I'd put it aside, and sometimes never come back to it. I don't want to do that anymore. Positive changes, positive growth, positive attitude. It pretty much all boils down to that (cue Gorilla Biscuits reference in 3...2...).

A lot of this depends, of course, on my continuing to maintain a grip on my mental health, and all of the issues that go along with that. So I guess this could be considered a resolution: I am determined to keep working on that, and do whatever I need to in order to be able to do that. I've lost a lot of time and opportunities through mental illness. I'm pledging to myself that this will not happen again.

All the things people usually say about fitness and getting in shape are things I'd like to continue as well. And smoking, well, it's my only remaining vice (not counting frozen Hershey almond bars). Hopefully I'll be able to replace that with something better and less diseasey this year. Plus I think I'm finally going to just go out and get a bike. I've been wanting one for years.

A more lucrative and satisfying job is in order as well.   I've got a couple of leads, one of which seems very promising. Same type of job I've been doing for years, but in a much more creative, right-brain type of environment. Candles have been lit...

So here I come, 2012.  Nothing completely set in stone, but a bunch of things I'm determined to do. One or two of those things may fall short, but they will not derail the rest of my life. It is resolved.

Auld Lang Something-or-Other

2011-12-27T18:54:00.000-05:00

I spent quite a bit of time in hospitals earlier this year. Not very happy memories, those, but necessary. And in their own way, they helped me gain the forward momentum I needed to fight my way out of my dark fog and confront my mental health issues, as well as fulfill the promises I've made to myself and others. My creative fire is back, I have renewed enthusiasm for the future, and I've gone over seven months without drinking. And the EMTs were nice enough, so there's that. I think it's safe to say that life got exponentially better as the year went on. And as 2011 winds down, I found myself yet again visiting a hospital a couple of times this past weekend, but for an entirely different (and joyous) reason. More on that as I'm given the go ahead to post about it.

So far, I've still only got the two completed songs, by which I mean lyrics only. I'll figure out the music soon enough, and then the other half-finished/sort-of-started songs. And then I can use Garage Band to make them a reality and post them on my Facebook page. I seem to have all kinds of folks willing to help me find places to play, and the set list has been growing as well. The few times I've performed have been well received, which serves to reassure me that my decision to go it alone was a good one. I'm not going for rock star status, just well thought of entertainer status. Don't get me wrong, if someone wants to offer me some kind of deal, I'd be more than happy to consider it. But being a middle aged man, I'm fairly well certain that that ship has sailed.

Christmas this year was pretty fantastic. The people around me, the mood, the fact that I'm actively working on the future, and the terrific news that my daughter became a Doctor Who fan/made Dean's List in her first semester all contributed to Holidays that were indeed happy (and as God is my witness, I'm still not sure which of those two things makes me prouder). I think everyone did a pretty good job with presents for each other and such, and I was truly blown away by what I received, but honestly, I'd still have been happy if I hadn't gotten anything. It was just that kind of Christmas this year.

I still get a little overwhelmed by things and freeze up every now and again, but I have people in my life who are willing to help guide me through those times, as well as a roster of professionals to help me better recognize when those times are coming, so that I can arm myself against them. Jess has been a huge part of that. I still have days when the fog threatens to take over, and sometimes my brain and my mouth have different agendas, but her support, patience, and love have been immeasurably helpful and healing. Doesn't hurt that we occasionally share a frontal lobe.

So I'm closing the door on 2011. For all of its' pitfalls and frustrations and heartache, I feel like I'm happier and more comfortable with myself than I ever have been. I have a lot of people to thank for that. If you're reading this, chances are you're one of them. So thank you, and I'll see you after the ball drops.

A Little Christmas Father/Son Time Hi Tech

2011-12-25T16:38:00.001-05:00

My daughter bought me this for Christmas. I am SO itching to drive the cat nuts with it...

My My My...

2011-12-22T00:37:00.000-05:00

Turns out my last entry is now the second most popular post on this blog ever. Like the current reigning champ, I've gotten a lot of feedback about it, both online and privately. Many folks agreed with my basic point, which has nothing to do with what people should be allowed to say, but instead not freaking out when someone says something intended to wish you well. Some disagreed with me and were very thoughtful and respectful. And some completely ignored my central premise and decided to snark it up and be nasty. To the first group, I say thank you for your support. To the second, thanks for the opportunity to exchange ideas, and I wish you a very Merry Christmas. To the last...well, you can just blow it out your ass. I'm not going to bother arguing with someone who'd rather lambaste me for what they want me to have said, than discuss what I actually wrote. If you're that bothered by nothing more than what I have to say, you are welcome to stop reading. Keep looking for sinister motives in everything people do and say. I'm sure you'll find them.

Surprise Cat Blog!

2011-12-12T20:35:00.001-05:00

Just 'cause I feel like it...

Not...Sure...If...Serious...

2011-12-12T11:02:00.000-05:00

So Saturday went well, or so it seemed. I did four songs, with Jess handling the guitar part for two, and my friend (and former Gobshite mandolin player) Nason playing on the other two. I made a last minute decision that I just wasn't confident in my own playing to subject a room full of friends and strangers to it. I'll get there. I've already gotten interest from a couple different clubs and booking agents, so I'm working on adding more to the set, and also toiling feverishly to improve my mandolin playing to virtuoso level. Or at least convincing myself that, really, my playing is fine, and I should just shut up and do it.

On to today's notion. And my apologies up front, but this one may, in fact, be considered a rant by some...

I'll be the first to admit that I can sometimes get sidetracked by a minor detail or offense, when I should be focusing on the big picture. I recognize it a lot more these days, but it can still happen. That's why I'm glad to have people in my life who are willing to snap me out of whatever nonsensical obsession I'm engaged in at the time. And just as important, I'm more willing these days to listen to reason and see the forest again.

I don't know why apparently no one at Fox News has that type of person in their lives. Someone to stop them and tell them "Hey, it's really not that big a deal," or "You know, it's going to be okay, we'll get through this." Or maybe even "HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS MEAN ESSENTIALLY THE SAME GODDAMN THING, JACKASS!!!"

Holy hell, can we maybe dial it down a bit with the "War on Christmas" nonsense? Nobody, NOBODY, is trying to kill Christianity by saying "Happy Holidays." This is a completely manufactured scandal, designed by people who never pass up an opportunity to be offended by something. I can't imagine what childhood trauma would make presumably educated adults rage over how to properly wish someone glad tidings. Who has that kind of energy?

For the record, if you happen to come across my path, you can say either phrase, as well as "Happy Hanukkah," "Joyous Saturnalia," or even "Merry Kwanzaa" to me, and I promise I will not bite your head off for it. My most likely reaction will be "Thanks, you too!" I just have too many other things to worry about besides a two word phrase meant to be good wishes from someone. And for that matter, the people at Fox probably do as well. I'm guessing this is just their way of not dealing with those other things.

So, to sum up: Regarding "Merry Christmas," "Happy Holidays," or any other iteration thereof, it really is no big deal. Calm down, have some nogg, eat a sugar cookie, and say "Thank you" to someone who's attempting to be friendly. If your biggest problem in life is whatever it is the kid at the CVS register says to you as he bags your shampoo and can of Pringle's, maybe it's time to reevaluate exactly why this time of year is important to you.

Oh, and my Amazon wish list has been updated. Just throwing that out there...

Well...Um...Hmmmm...

2011-12-07T12:24:00.000-05:00

This is one of those times when I definitely want to post something, if for no other reason than to stay productive and keep exercising those muscles, but I can't narrow my topic down. The vast majority of what I've written about in this space this year has been personal. But there's really nothing much to update. I moved, check. Brought the cat with me, check. Doing my own thing musically, check. Need a bigger paycheck, check. It's pretty much the same as it's been lately. One or two things have disappointed me recently, but you know, that's what karma's for. I haven't written much about any current events. I think there are plenty of places where people much smarter than I am can give insight into the state of things today.

Remember a couple years ago, when those survey things were all the rage on Myspace and Facebook and in the blogs? I did a bunch of those, even though I was most definitely not the target audience for them. But at least they were a kind of writing exercise. My answers tended towards the snarky and sarcastic, which was due mostly to the fact that I was still trying to write for my standup act, and I wanted to practice writing good, short jokes. I'd do another one, but the way text slang changes day by day, I don't know that I'd even be answering the question I think I'm answering. I only just found out that FTW also means "For The Win."

I guess everything I do, though, unless it's specifically for publication, could be considered a writing exercise. So maybe I really shouldn't be too concerned with my topic or whether it's weighty enough. That's just my bastard of an internal editor (Let's call him "Smedley"), trying to stifle me. I think my problem is that some of my posts this year have really resonated with some folks, and so now I'm trying to live up to that every time, like a bar that I've set for myself. Well even the best hitters in baseball only succeed about four out of ten times, so what am I doing pressuring myself like that?

Eh, whatever. It's more or less natural for self-doubt to creep in, even when doing our best to strangle it, right? Even as upbeat as I've been about my creative pursuits lately, I still feel sometimes like I'm going to make a fool of myself the next time I'm on stage or something. Luckily, I'm no longer taking in any fool-juice, so hopefully that improves my odds somewhat...

Speaking of the next time, I am again going to plug my appearance at Leitrim's in Worcester this Saturday. I'm not sure exactly what time I'm going on, I'm guessing somewhere around 10ish. Still toying with my set list, but I would say it'll be equal parts traditional Irish and punk covers. And maybe a special guest or two will hop up and join me for a couple of songs. I've also been invited to pick a Thursday night to go down to Beatnik's Bar in Worcester and do some pickin' and grinnin'. More on that as it develops.

Insert pithy closing line here...

Geekery and Getting Used to It

2011-12-01T12:00:00.002-05:00

First off, Movember is now over. I want to thank those who made their generous contributions to my page this past month. I'm not sure if you can still donate, but as far as I can tell, the link still works. If you can, please do. And I guess enough folks like the 'stache I grew for me to decide to keep it, for at least a little bit. I think it looks okay. I may re-introduce the chin component for an actual Van Dyke, but I want to mull it over a little before I decide.

And so a new chapter begins. I find myself much calmer right now, as I turned in the keys on Sunday and got the last of my things out of the apartment. I'm a bit melancholy to leave the area, but it's not like it's a three day drive if we want to head back down to visit some time. And who knows, we may end up settling there eventually. There are still one or two matters to deal with to finalize everything, and that might get a little dicey. But for the most part, it's done. With three days to spare.

I know it's not that huge a move, but it does feel a little odd to be a resident of Central Massachusetts, after spending my entire life in the Boston area and suburbs. I don't think I've ever been so landlocked. For someone who likes being near the ocean so much, to be heading in the opposite direction does strike me as funny. Maybe it's only funny to me, but there it is. I don't know why that is, though. I'm still relatively equidistant from Boston and Providence, although a little further away from both than I was before. I still work in the Boston area. I really can't put my finger on it, but there's definitely the feeling that I've crossed some kind of threshold. I'm not saying that as if it's a bad thing. It just feels...different.

I did get a surprise this weekend, however. Jess and I went to a local author's day at the Worcester version of Annie's Book Stop (I don't know if it's only in Massachusetts or not, but if you don't know, it's a chain of franchised-owned used book stores.). One of the local authors just happens to be our roommate, and I will now throw in a plug for her book, An Ever-Fixéd Mark by Jessie Olson. You can buy copies at local book stores, or directly from her. It's about vampires, and doesn't have Robert Pattinson, so you know it's good. Kids, get permission from Mom and Dad first. This ain't no Twilight, fo' sho'.

So while there to support our friend, I discovered that this particular Annie's is owned by a couple who may possibly be even bigger Doctor Who fans than I am. The didn't just have the current series of books. They had the New Adventures series (which followed the end of the original show and features the 7th and 8th Doctors), plus all the old Missing Adventures novels. They also had an immense selection of the Big Finish audio plays. I've never seen those in any store, EVER. I have a few, and I had to get those online. This place had shelf after shelf of the Doctor Who plays, as well as all the audio spinoffs, and a separate area for used copies.

I don't think I've geeked out that hard in decades.

So that was definitely a good omen for my move, I think. And I'll throw in another plug here for my solo show on the 10th of this month at Leitrim's Pub in Worcester. I'll be doing a set between sets of the band PS Rock, fronted by my buddy James Power. Expect fun, and at least three instances of fumble fingers during the night.

They keep calling Tedeschi's "Country Farms" out here. Is that weird?

Black Friday Moving/Music Blog

2011-11-25T13:30:00.001-05:00

My alarm went off this morning, and was answered by a round of cursing which could only be described as encyclopedic. I'm not particularly a morning person anyway, never mind the morning after I've consumed a staggering amount of tryptophan. I count myself lucky, though, because with all that's going on in this economy, I have a job that requires I work the day after Thanksgiving. And it doesn't hurt that I'm also not at the mall being shot or pepper sprayed by idiots who are willing to injure others in order to get half off an Xbox. It's a goddamn TOY, stupid. Get some perspective.

This weekend sees the completion of my (and Finn's) move to the Woo. Most everything has been packed up in boxes. we're getting a moving truck to get everything we can out tomorrow, and then getting the last of it and cleaning up on Sunday. Considering the difficulty I've had with the landlord (oh yeah, he never did fix the toilet, garbage disposal, front door, porch light, or leak in the roof), I'm not holding my breath to get the security deposit back. Which doesn't mean I'm not got going to try and collect it. I think he knows by now that I'm fairly well versed on the laws in this regard.

But that's not what I'm concentrating on. I'm focused on the move, settling in, and keeping things rolling in the right direction. I've been offered a short solo set in December (details to follow), and I'm adding more songs to my repertoire. I'm definitely being influenced by guys like Frank Turner and Chuck Ragan, not to mention Billy Bragg. My song choices most certainly veer towards classic punk and alternative. I know that's not necessarily groundbreaking, but I've never claimed to be any kind of pioneer. I like what I like.

And today, for those of you keeping score at home, is day 180 without a drink. Six months. This calls for a song.

Happy weekend...

The Left Bank of Central Massachusetts

2011-11-16T13:06:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention the other day that, after reading up on the rules for Movember (15 days left! Save the Nuggets (TM)!), I had to modify my entry, because a Van Dyke doesn't count. It has to be a mustache. So what I did was eliminate the hair directly under my bottom lip to create what I like to call the "Lemmy" look. Of course, my daughter was able to bring me back to Earth by telling me I look like Hulk Hogan. Thanks kid. Oh, and by the way, you're gonna be a commuter next semester. Not so funny now, are ya?

I was at my therapy appointment last night, talking about my upcoming move to Worcester, extolling the virtues of the burgeoning arts scene there, when the realization struck me: I'm actually getting very enthusiastic about this. Not that I wasn't looking forward to living with Jess already, not to mention how grateful I am to her and her roommate for even offering me this option. But in the last few months, I've gotten to know some of the more active participants and organizers in the area, and it seems like people are just bursting with enthusiasm about how they can get everyone together and really make a combined effort to promote arts, music, theatre, and local writers. Given my rekindled interest in nearly all of these things, it's like a perfect storm of opportunity for me to really dive in and make it happen.

Sunday's event would never have happened for me if I weren't in a relationship with Jess, so I feel like I have something of a head start. I also have experience and, if I do say so, a modicum of talent. So Jess helps get my foot in the door, and then it's up to me to get the rest of me over the threshold. It doesn't hurt that she's been a very enthusiastic champion of mine from pretty much day one (Thanks, beh-beh!).

Long term, I think we're both still planning on ultimately settling back in North Attleboro Center (but not the same house, natch), but Worcester really is going through a kind of arts and culture renaissance right now, and it's not a little exciting to think that we'll be a part of it.

I know I've mentioned the title "Whisky Witch" when referring to Jess, and I did happen to note that she was pouring at the event on Sunday. But I really should throw a plug in here for her services. If you're someone who wants to learn about whisky in its various forms and styles, or even if you're someone who's an old hand and wants to find something new, you really need to get in touch with her. She is to whisky what Wine Spectator is to wine. I'm not even exaggerating. I've seen more than one person who firmly stated that they didn't like whisky walk away with a new drink of choice. She's that damn good. And she has a blog that is in desperate need of updating (because she's also a very good writer), so I'm going to link it here in order to light a fire under her butt about it.

Don't worry, I haven't fallen off the waggon (180 days as of a week from this Friday. That's six months for those of you who don't believe in long division.), and she actually doesn't drink all that much, either. She's a connoisseur who does her research well and responsibly. Look her up, she will teach you something new.

And with that, I say good day, sir...

A Week Full of Saturdays

2011-11-14T12:04:00.000-05:00

Back from vacation. A very nice, slow-paced, relaxing vacation. A week full of Saturdays where, for the most part, I didn't have anywhere I had to be at any particular time. Originally, there was a trip to Ireland planned for the week, but that had to be scrapped for financial reasons, unfortunately. So it became a welcome opportunity for me to just relax, recharge, refocus, and re-a bunch of other things. Jess was off as well, so we were also able to do some planning and preparation for the move in two weeks. I also got to spend some time with my daughter and hear more about the incredible things she's doing in college. I really shouldn't be at this point, but it seems I'm still wowed by her continued accomplishments. And I have no problem with that.

My Movember campaign started off well, but has sort of lost steam. After an initial flurry of contributions, nothing for the last week. I understand, the economy is tough, and this time of year in particular is chock full of different organizations vying for your charitable dollar. Hey, the whole reason I'm doing this is because I don't have the money to give to any or all of the very worthy causes that are asking for help right now. I wanted to do something, and this seemed like an interesting way to do it. So I'm not going to pound down anyone's door asking for money, but if you have the means, I'd really appreciate it. I'll post a picture of the 'stache on the page later today.

One not exactly bad, but still kind of sad thing happened last week as well. I made the decision to leave the Gobshites. There's no acrimony or animosity, I'm not angry at anyone or full of spite or anything like that. I think I just need to strike out on my own for now and see what happens. I'm learning a lot of new instruments and writing lyrics, and I have some idea of what I eventually want my sound to be. So I figured I'd explore that and try to develop it. Am I a bit melancholy? Sure, the last three years have mostly been a blast. But I'm excited as well. I will always be grateful to the Gobshites, and Pete Walsh in particular, for reigniting the musical fire that I feared was buried for good a long time ago. And I've had the pleasure and privilege of playing with and meeting some fantastic people who've played a huge part in my growing self confidence, self esteem, and recovery. Thanks to everyone with whom I've shared a stage, a memory, or a pint. You've all been a huge influence, and I look forward to sharing my new direction with you.

Speaking of which, last night was my first ever solo performance, at Secret Society Tattoo and Art Gallery in Worcester. My nervousness manifested itself in a pounding headache that showed up just as I was about to start. How did I do? Well...everyone told me it sounded great. Unfortunately, all I ever hear are the mistakes. I think it was good that I was more or less the background music for the art exhibit, because it helped me get the first one under my belt without the additional stress of having the entire focus on me. I tried to make it a mix of traditional Irish songs and tunes, as well as some punky folk stuff. And Jess joined me for a couple of songs as well (in between commanding the attention of the whisky connoiseurs in the crowd), which for me were the highlights of the evening. I'm working up a list of songs I'd like to cover, as well as starting a couple of new songs of my own, and trying to pluck out some music for the two I've written so far.

I've also got my fingers crosed at the possibility of new employment in a much more creative atmosphere, and I'm working on getting caught up with everything, packing, and weeding through the crap that I've been lugging around for years, both in the physical and metaphysical sense. I think it's going to be an interesting 2012.

Oh, and the cat says hi...

Happy Movember!/Friday Music Blog

2011-11-04T12:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm taking part in a fundraising effort called Movember. Each November, men grow their mustaches to help raise awareness and money to benefit men's health issues, specifically prostate cancer, and other cancers that affect men. I even have my own page for the cause here.

I've decided to go with the Van Dyke, because I think just a mustache on me would look goofy. Also because my beard shows the red highlights, which people don't get to see too often. That's the Irish Viking in me. I haven't posted a picture on the site yet, but that's coming soon, probably even later today.

Now, lest you think this is just an excuse for me not to shave for a month, let me tell you my motivation. In 1997, my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. After getting all of his options for treatment, he chose a very rigorous course of radiation which, over five weeks, completely nailed it. It left him both physically and emotionally drained for a while, but he beat it. In 2009, a spot was found on one of his kidneys. They couldn't get to the tumor itself, and so the kidney had to come out. This year, another spot was found in his lung. This time, they could remove the spot, which they did. Each time, it was a different cancer, unrelated to the previous occurrences. Each time, they got it all. Each time, he had some part of his body invaded; first by the cancer, then by the treatment. Each time, he took it like he takes just about everything: Quietly, determinedly, with little to no complaint (that I ever saw, anyway).

Cancer took his older sister when I was 14, and his youngest brother a few years ago. He was eight years older than I am. Two years ago, because of my family history and at the recommendation of my doctor, I had a colonoscopy which found a polyp that, had I waited, would most likely have become cancerous in a few years. My family's got skin in the game, literally.

So I'm growing my Van Dyke for November to try and help. I know the last few years have been a financial train wreck for a lot of folks. If you can, please click on my link and donate. Or get involved yourself (yes, women can participate too). If you can't, I completely understand, and you don't have to avoid eye contact with me.

And now, for your dancing pleasure (and because I saw him at the Middle East this week, plus he's mustachioed/bearded as well), I give you Frank Turner:

Making Like A Tree...

2011-10-31T18:57:00.000-04:00

It snowed this weekend. Snowed.

SNOWED!!!!

It's October. And last night it was freezing cold and snowing. Shut the front door (I usually say this with one hand on my hip and my finger waving in the air). Okay, it's the end of October, but still, there are still leaves on the trees. I'm not ready for this. Ugh.

Oh, and by the way, the next person that says "So much for global warming, huh?" in front of me gets a face full of angry bees. Never mind where I got them.

Normally, I'd roll with something like this. It's snow, I live in New England, it's not like I'm entirely new to the concept of white, fluffy precipitation. In truth, the real hardship for me this time around is that the heat in my apartment hasn't been working. I have a small space heater, but it just barely keeps my bedroom somewhat warmish. I found out the heat wasn't working nearly two weeks ago, and notified my landlord immediately. Until yesterday, zero action and a lot of talk. Unfortunately, when it comes to this kind of thing, this is more or less par for the course. November will be my last month in this house, and it seems like he's in no hurry whatsoever to fix anything that's wrong. Some of these problems have existed for at least a year. In the case of the heat, I'm pretty sure he knew he could be held liable for damages if he didn't do anything. Otherwise, either he doesn't know the laws, or he's hoping I don't.

His problem with me, and I completely understand this by the way, is that I've had trouble making the rent on time this year. Believe me, it's not because I don't feel like it. Nothing would make me happier than to be able to make the rent deposit on the first of each month like clockwork. No worries, no bullshit. I've already gone into my difficulties in finding ways to supplement my income. It's made things stressful for me financially, which is really the only negative thing in my life right now. I mean, at least I have a job. But I'm definitely part of the 99%. So yes, I have no argument with him regarding my rent being late for the last few months (although last month it was paid on time, actually a few days ahead of time).

My problem with him, which he doesn't seem to get, or doesn't care about (or more likely a combination of the two), is that as diligent as he is about collecting the rent, he definitely doesn't carry that sense of urgency over to keeping the house in good repair. He's made threats to do things he's legally not allowed to do (And made them via text message, no less. Hello, lawsuit), and retaliated in very petty ways when I've pointed that out to him. He's put the house on the market, so I have no faith that he'll actually address the other problems with the apartment. I'm actually convinced that he never wanted to be a landlord in the first place. I'm guessing he bought the house with the intention of flipping it, and when he couldn't do that right away, resorted to renting it out to pay the mortgage. He never had any intention of dealing with the things that landlords have to deal with, and is trying to get away with doing things around here as cheaply as possible, or not at all.

So this will be my last month here. I'll be shacking up with Jess and her roommate for a bit to save some money and catch up on things as much as I can. But I like the area I'm in, and want to find another place there as soon as I can. Jess likes it too, and so maybe down the road we'll both be settling there. In the meantime we're getting things together and getting the cat accustomed to his new surroundings. It sounds more stressful than it really is. I'm also working to come up with a set list for the Secret Society gig. I talked with the organizer last night at the Cirque du Noir event in Worcester, and I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

Moving out, moving in, moving on. Putting the bad mojo behind me, getting new ideas and acting on them, and letting my freak flag fly unfettered by the self-doubt that's plagued me for nearly my entire life. And I've passed the five month mark of sobriety. Lots and lots and lots of good things. More to follow.

Drawing A Blank Deck

2011-10-26T11:05:00.000-04:00

So it seems all I needed to do to find blank skate decks was type http://www.blankdecks.com/ into my browser. Who knew? As it turns out, Jess did. I think I'm going to order just one now, and see how it goes. They have pretty cheap bulk deals, too. And and AND, they have old school style decks (from the days when they were a little wider, and not all the same size and shape). Sweet. I haven't actually skated since college, so I'm not sure about the standard shaped decks these days. Does that make me a grumpy old man? "You kids, with your narrow decks and your hot rods and your MTV!" I don't think I'm that bad, I just like what I like. Nevertheless, I am open-minded about it, and will likely try one in the near future.

Still looking around for some kind of drawing course. There's really no adult learning center in my immediate area, unless I want to get my CPR certification or a nursing license. There are classes in Providence, but that would only work well if I were working in the city. It'd be kind of a pain to get out of work in North Quincy and have to truck on down to my class every week. But as I'm going to be spending at least a couple of months in Worcester after November (more on that later), I did find some stuff in and around the area there. And I'm trying to sketch as much as I can in the meantime, so as to shake off the rust.

I read a lot of tattoo magazines, and some of the art in them is just incredible, and it's really lighting a fire under me to ramp up my own artistic efforts. I don't know that I'll ever be as good as the work I see in the magazines or online, but it'd be neat to have a piece of flash that I designed show up on someones arm or something. And maybe, down the road, I'll pick up a tattoo gun myself and try it out. Who knows?

Today is a new moon, which means new beginnings, and personally, it's also day 150 of my recovery. What does this all mean? I think for me, it means it's time to refocus on keeping up with the changes I've made in the past five months, and decide the next steps to take. I want to do everything, all at once and forever. But I know from experience that that kind of thinking can very easily stop me in my tracks and overwhelm me. So I need to find some way to strike a balance between all of my pursuits, so that all of them get a chance to breathe and grow. Just as I need to get back into exercising my physical muscles, I need to let my creative muscles have some time on the treadmill, so that I don't let them atrophy again.

And then I want to go to Europe...

They See Me Rollin'...

2011-10-21T10:54:00.002-04:00

Cool article on Boston.com yesterday about artists using skateboards as their medium. I haven't been as diligent regarding my drawing as I had hoped to be. I may be taking on too many things, or I just need to organize my time better maybe. With all of the new music, writing, and artistic endeavors I'm taking on, or want to take on, it seems there aren't enough hours in the day. It doesn't help my scheduling ability that my day job doesn't have a set schedule. I'm hoping that will change soon (as always). But the skateboard-as-canvas things is really interesting. We all used to have skateboards that had graphics on them. Among mine were a Santa Cruz Rob Roskopp (the one on the left), a Skull Skates Hardcore deck (couldn't find an image online for that), and a Skull Skates Gang Green deck. All but the Hardcore deck remain, the other two having been stolen. Alas.

You can get blank skate decks, and maybe I could organize a group of folks to get together to have an arts and crafts day involving skateboards. Might be fun. Maybe Secret Society will give us a showing. And that reminds me to throw in another plug for my upcoming solo gig there on November 13. It's the opening for their latest show featuring mixed media work by Rosemary LeBeau. It'll be my first appearance in public playing the mandolin, so please be gentle if you come see it. I'll also have the whistles and bodhran at the ready.

Speaking of plugs, the Gobshites have a Kickstarter campaign going to raise money for the Ireland trip project. We've got Richie Ramone (of the Ramones) and Cait O'Riordan (original Pogues bass player) as the rhythm section, and the CD will consist of all original songs. The working title is "The Whistle Before the Snap." If you can, click this link to pledge. If not, I understand, you don't have to avoid eye contact with me. We're trying to get $5,000.00, and we have 14 days to go. If you do pledge, there are a lot of cool premiums depending on the amount. Please check it out if you can. Unfortunately, scheduling and finances prevent me from going over with the rest of the band, so I'm going to have to record my parts back here.

I think I might have mentioned this before, but I'm seriously considering building my own bodhran. There are a few sites online that have instructions. The only thing I need now is time and materials. My dream drum is way out of my price range at this point, and I think it'd be a fun project. Just have to figure out where to get a decent goat skin, and what kind of wood I want to use.

Went to a really great show last weekend in Providence to see the Usual Suspects and the Uprisers, featuring Todd Radict on vocals, as well as former members of the Bruisers. Didn't find any video for the Uprisers, so I'm going to close with this old Radicts video from the 80's. Don't let the door hit you in the face...

Another One About Music

2011-10-11T14:40:00.000-04:00

Add electronic bagpipes to the list. The band bought a set a few months ago, and they were given to me to figure out. Because they're electronic, I don't need to work on breathing technique, so it's just a matter of getting the fingering down. I predict virtuosity within a week. Give or take a year.

I'll be doing my first solo acoustic performance next month at Secret Society Gallery and Tattoo. It's an opening for an art exhibit, and I'll be the background music. Jess will be pouring whisky, as usual, and maybe I can coax her into doing a song or two with me. I'm actually kind of excited and very nervous at the same time. I've never performed solo before, so this is going to be a major hurdle for me. Plus, the fact that the art on the walls will be the main focus of the show means any mistakes or flubs I make wont seem so glaring. I'm thinking, obviously, of doing some traditional Irish reels and jigs on the whistle, maybe a few a Capella songs, accompanying myself on bodhran, and some mandolin. If I decide to do Wagon Wheel, which I most likely will, I'll need to bring the banjo as well. Otherwise the second verse makes no sense. I don't know that there's any pay for this, but again I'm not worried about that so much, because I'm using this more as a learning experience. But maybe I can get Jeff or Danny at the shop to work out some kind of trade deal...

Heh, kidding.

Not really.

But I'm also thinking maybe I should get some business cards or something, because if this works out well, it could mean another avenue for me creatively. I've written lyrics for one or two songs over the past few years. I'd like to start writing the music to go with them. I get tunes in my head all the time, but I don't know how to write them out on a staff. I try to figure it out on the whistle sometimes, but for whatever reason it doesn't translate. It's tough being a musical genius with no understanding of theory.

Heh, kidding.

Not really.

Okay, this time I really am.

Have some of this:

Friday Music Blog: Positive Reinforcement Edition

2011-10-07T10:58:00.000-04:00

ZOMG!!!!!!!1!!!1! Scary skinheads! Lock up the valu...wait, what did he just say? "You've got a friend"? Who do they think they are, friggin' James Taylor or something?!?

*sigh*

Nobody lives up to their stereotype anymore...

Triggers

2011-10-03T18:15:00.002-04:00

I was listening to Chris Titus' "Norman Rockwell is Bleeding" CD last night, specifically the bit where he talks about his mother's death, and the fact that he couldn't really deal with it until all of his memories of her came back in one instant while eating dinner on an airplane. It made me think of things in my own life that have triggered memories at unexpected times.

A few years back, I was working in downtown Boston. I was also living in the city at the time, so I took the subway into work every day. On nice days, I could get off at Park Street station and walk through Boston Common and the Boston Public Garden every morning and afternoon. I really enjoyed that part of my day. It was definitely a better way to get to work than sit in traffic or stand in a cramped train moving through dark tunnels. It was also a lot healthier.

One afternoon, while walking past the playground on the Common, I saw a little girl and her parents heading toward the swing set. When the girl realized where they were going, she broke away from her parents and started running to it, absolutely elated, all the while shouting "I wanna swing! I wanna swing!" It was such a genuine moment of pure, innocent joy, that I just couldn't move from the spot I was in. I stood there, watching, for several minutes. I'm not ashamed to admit that I even teared up a little (Which isn't as strange as it might sound. It's not all that unusual to see someone standing by themselves and crying on the Common. Most folks probably just assumed I was a well dressed homeless person).

The whole scene brought up such a powerful memory of my own daughter at that age, and how enthusiastic she was about absolutely everything she did. I've written this year about her going to college, and about coming to terms with the fact that she's now an adult, and no longer my little girl. Those things are all true, and I've found that I'm actually having an okay time of it, because I know she's got a good head on her shoulders and she's smart and resourceful. Of course I've been thinking about her childhood, and the memories of all the fun I tried to make sure she had, the lessons I hope she learned from me, and also of all those things I'd love to have a chance to do again, or even do differently. But nothing has ever triggered such a strong emotional reaction as that one day on Boston Common.

Now that she's a month into her college experience, I find my confidence in her ability to adjust to this new lifestyle is entirely justified. The little girl who was so enthusiastic about everything she did is now the young woman who runs her own life and has managed to navigate a whole new world. We've helped her with moving and supplies, but she's taken it from there and is thriving. I'd like to think I've had something to do with that. And I hope she stays as enthusiastic as the girl who put all that she had into the first 18 years of her life. It's one of the things I've tried to learn from her...

Cool Story Brah!

2011-09-29T14:58:00.002-04:00

I forgot to mention this in my post about wanting to open a book store, but this is National Banned Books Week. I first became aware of such a week when I was working at a bookstore in a mall in Taunton. I was still in college, my mother was a high school reading specialist, and she explained what it was all about. Being the idealistic youth that I was, I thought it would be a great idea for my store to put up some kind of display to commemorate it. I was a little taken aback when they were hesitant. There was all kinds of talk about having to run it through corporate (we were part of a chain) and would this turn people off, et. cetera. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why they weren't embracing the idea (I know, young and naive). Why wouldn't a bookstore, of all places, want to celebrate the First Ammendment?

After a little back and forth, it was decided that I could put up a display. But not in the front window display area. I was to create my tribute to thought on the wall behind the registers. Fair enough, I said, at least they're letting me do it. I think the front window was devoted to kids' Halloween reading, like R.L. Stine and such. I contacted the American Library Association to get some materials, including posters and some pins to give out, and a list of the then top 100 banned or challenged books in the US. I hand wrote bookmarks for each book on the display, detailing the nature of the ban or challenge. I purposefully included books that were pretty popular, or books that most people wouldn't think of as being all that controversial by authors like Roald Dahl. C.S. Lewis, and Judy Blume, as well as the Bible.

I think the management was hoping it would just be something small that no one would notice, but it definitely got attention. Folks took pictures, sometimes with me standing in front. And not a few people, having made it up to the register to check out, decided to buy one of the banned books on the wall as well. The managers were, shall we say, tepid in their acknowledgement of the display's success, but I was thrilled. I had stood up for the freedom to read, write, and think whatever you wanted. And I did it in a mall, no less. I even kept one of the posters to hang on my bedroom wall when the week was done.

Looking back, I think that may have been the catalyst for me wanting to open my own bookstore. The fact that I was hosting my college radio station's punk show helped inspire the idea of combining books and records (not exactly a revolutionary concept, I realize). As I flesh out my idea a little more, I'll keep posting updates. And of course if/when this ever becomes a reality, you're all invited to the grand opening.

Now Dance...