This is Tin

Weekend Adventure

2012-01-27T10:18:00.000-05:00

Me and Amy are hanging out on Saturday and i have decided we should have an adventure. I am thinking maybe go up to Style Sense to see if you can find some black riding boots and then maybe grab some delicious dinner. That is the plan at least. Although first i will need to the strength training work out steph designed for me.

I also found the coolest tea infuser on my favourite website - mod cloth. And then i saw this huge ice cream sandwich body pillow....and then i found the best weekend purse/bag ever. I now have three things i really want from the website.....that means trouble. I am working very hard at ignoring all the things and not buying them but that robot tea infuser....i want it more than anything...i would love to have my tea made by a robot.

In other news, work crush is leaving work, all the girls are devastated....i didn't realize how many people had crushes on him....then i decided it is a good thing i am taking a boy break because i hate being one of the crowd....i will never be that girl that joins all the other girls in swooning....it is just too...what's the word i am looking for......girlie. Although he is one of the nicest people at work...so he will be missed.....especially by me because he was nice and welcoming and helpful. During my first campaign when i didn't think i would make it, he was one of the people that helped me survive so for that i will always have a soft spot for him.

I am very very sore today....boot camp last night was rough, especially since i missed it two weeks in a row. So i felt like i was slowly losing the will to live...when we got to the suicide drills....you know where you have to sprint from one end of the room to the other....i basically gave 50% because i had nothing left in the tank.

Friendship Bracelets

2012-01-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Remember when we were young and we all made those embroidery floss friendship bracelets? I miss those bracelets...and that time in my life, before all the drama of hormones and teenagers and guys.

As you know i am trying to not be so hard on myself.....try to re-connect with that confidence i have when surrounded by my family and the people i love....then figure out a way to keep that confidence 24/7 instead of it disappearing at the first sign of a cute guy. Damn you guys....why do i have to be so boy crazy??? anyways i am getting sidetracked like always.

So i pulled out my embroidery floss the other day to sew some buttons back onto the red jacket of hell....2 more buttons fell off...ones that i resewed myself...so now i am convinced that the buttons are possessed by some sort of evil spirit. I pulled out the embroidery floss and sewed those buttons on...they don't even move i sewed them so much....Your move buttons. So while i had the floss out i got all mushy about remember when things and now i am making some exciting friendship bracelets. Yup...I have officially reverted to my maturity level and will no longer act my age, well act the age people thought i was not my real age....I don't think i will ever act my real age...that is just so predictable.

New Start

2012-01-25T11:02:00.001-05:00

So, now that all the new years resolution people should be getting tired and giving up, it is time for me to get back on track....i mean i haven't fallen so off track that it can't be recovered, but i have gotten lazy. So i ate healthy all day yesterday and today is looking good too.
Steph did the best thing for me...she signed me up on this Canfit interactive site where she set up a meal plan for me as well as an exercise plan.
For today i have to do 30 minutes of cardio....i was going to get up early and run....but let's face it, we all know that i am not a morning person, so i failed. And i can't go after work because i am helping my co-worker apartment hunt, which will be awesome fun....i can't wait for her to move into the city...we are going to bike ride together. Between her and Amy, maybe i will get over my fear of cars trying to kill me while on my bike.
So i am headed for the gym soon...i figured if i leave hear at like 11:30 there will be some available treadmills. I need to get my running back to a level that i am happy with, right now....i am not doing so great...and my shins tend to hurt me. My friend Katherine is always talking about those crazy competitions and maybe i will be in shape enough to join her team this year.

Early Armegadon?

2012-01-24T10:23:00.000-05:00

So last night, i am at home enjoying a delicious BBQ chicken sandwich for dinner when i notice it is getting really windy out......so windy i hear metal scraping outside my window. I think nothing of it...assuming that the wind is just blowing a metal sign very vigorously around. Fast Forward an hour and i see something fly past the window.....it looked like a metal poll. Remy freaks out...takes off running and hides under the bed. I couldn't get him out the rest of the night...he still won't go into the main room. I go look out the window and see nothing....so i assume i am imagining things. But it happened two more times throughout the night. I now have to call my landlord today to tell him our building is falling apart.

So....how is everyone doing? I have to try very hard to get back on the exercise train....today...i am going home and i am going to go for a run....i don't want to go to the gym...stupid crowds. I keep telling myself i am going to get up early and go to a class but early and me don't mix. Maybe i will try tomorrow.
I brought yogurt in for breakfast today with frozen berries....it isn't an awesome smoothie like thing at all...it is tart and sour and completely free of fat. Well.....i happen to like fat.....it is yummy. But i am eating it for breakfast and i brought a salad with chicken and almonds for lunch. then home for a run. If i can do this maybe 3 times this week, i will be proud of myself for getting back into a routine.

Party Excitment

2012-01-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

So....i have to tell you guys something, i am feeling very proud of myself this weekend. I had an event this weekend that would require me to go outside of my comfort zone.

This weekend was Heather's birthday, I love heather, she is one of my closest friends but we don't have a lot of friend cross-over. So going to her birthday party i was a little concerned about it because i didn't really know anyone that well. It was at Clinton's, a hipster like bar, so i dressed up my hipsterness...aka curled out my hair, smokeyed up my make up, made my lips nice a pink, then skinny jeans and white shirt (quite a boobular shirt), and high heeled ankle boots. I dressed in a way that would make me feel confident and comfortable. I felt for the first time in a long time.....hot! I promised myself i would stop feeling so self conscious about my looks. Saturday night was my first test.

Anyways we danced it up and enjoyed the music but it was a little awkward because i didn't really know anyone too well and i danced alone a lot...and i am usually very cool dancing on my own...when i am on my own BUT in public i have to drink a bit to relax enough to dance.....i didn't Saturday night...i only had one beer.
I also bbm'd Amy telling her where i was and SURPRISE....she was also at Clinton's but they were going next door for some karaoke....so i joined Amy and Justin and all his friends for karaoke....and it was a lot of fun. I am not a big karaoke fan...it's just not my thing but it was loud, rowdy, relaxed and fun.

Here is what i am taking away from the weekend....I have always felt insecure and awkward in large groups of people and in situations that i don't know many people. But after my decision to take a break from all my over analysing and overly critical view of myself....i did good. To be honest....i was about to bail from heather's birthday because my awkwardness was starting to get the best of me...but then Amy came in with the save and brought me into another situation i would normally not enjoy because dude there were a lot of people that i didn't know but i was good there too. All kinds of tests for me this weekend!

Post Celebration

2012-01-20T15:36:00.000-05:00

We had our big work celebration last night, where we announced our final campaign numbers and recognized our most important donors. But for us...the most important was the pre & post parties. It was a good time, and i planned my entire outfit around my shoes....aqua green and only $25 from suzy sheer. But by the end of the night my feet were killing me and i have like a weird kink in my calf today...like i strained a muscle while wearing the shoes last night.

Now i am sitting at work, it's 3pm and i have been trying to type this since like 10 am. We just got an email that we can go home now but i can't. I have some more work to do and all i want to do is go home. I want my pj's more than anything right now!

healthy breakfast

2012-01-18T10:29:00.000-05:00

Today i am trying an experiment. You know how i hate that pesky meal 'breakfast', well i am trying something new. Actually eating it. Ryan left some yogurt at my place over the weekend. So here's the plan, frozen blueberries and strawberries put into the yogurt and bring to work for me to eat.

Outcome....dude, i still hate yogurt, even with my own fruit in it....maybe i should try cottage cheese. because i heard that it has lots of protein. I have a ton of frozen fruit to use up and i am making it a goal to eat breakfast every day for a month....although that seems like a lofty goal. Maybe i should start with a week. I started today and i will eat breakfast tomorrow and Friday to start...then see how next week goes.

In other news.....i have to get back on track, exercise-wise, eating-wise, and my B12 deficiency-wise.

Okay so let's take a look at how i am doing, yogurt breakfast....Check, B12 vitamin......Check. Exercise, maybe.

I may exercise tonight or i may do laundry....i really REALLY have to do laundry.

The January Blahs

2012-01-17T10:56:00.000-05:00

So, the blahs have set in......i am feeling very tired and apathetic and not invested at all. I believe i am going to have to start taking my vitamins again because i bet the grey and the lack of sun is effecting my energy levels. And thinking about it, it has been quite awhile since i took my B12 pills, and i should probably start taking those D-drops again as well.
I was also watching Fashion Police last night, i like to see a recap of all the fashion at every awards show. It is what i do instead of watching the actual show for the fashion. And Kelly Osborne, one of the hosts of the show has grey hair right now...like purposely dyed grey hair. When did that because a new hair dye colour. It looks.......not good!

I just got a text from Andrea, she is getting her hair done today.....i want to get my hair done soon. I want something fun and exciting. but i think i still want to keep the length. it is very long but i am enjoying the length, when it is not all up in my face and driving me crazy.

Also, Zooey Deschannel's nails at the golden globe were absolutely awesome...i now want tuxedo nails for fancy occasions. I am going to this thing on Thursday night and i don't know what the level of fancy is because it is a work thing and people go right after work. I am leaning towards a really nice pair of skinny legged dress pants and a fancy top. Maybe my sequined top. that way i have fancy and worky. I don't want to do anything sexy because i am in a no guy mood right now. Meaning, i am bored of all the guy stuff and don't feel like making an effort to impress guys. Because let's face it...it doesn't make a difference. I decided last year, i wanted to fall in love, i made some effort, nothing happened....i got annoyed and frustrated...so what's the point in trying? I like who i am and then as soon as i am interested in a guy i start questioning every single thing about me...why?? because guys make me insecure. So why do it?
Sure I would love to find someone, that perfect match for me...but I don't live in a fairy tale and i am starting to think that there is no one out there for me. I mean look at my record....guys that express interest in me, i run the opposite direction and guys that could care less about me, i chase after. Obviously i am screwed up.
I mean, sure i get lonely and jealous when i see all my friends and family in happy relationships and i am alone but i can handle those feelings, i am use to them. what i can't handle is losing my mind over some loser guy that doesn't know or appreciate who i am because i am too afraid of rejection to really show them who i am.

Therefore, i declare 2012 the year of no guys for me because i would like to be happy and sane.

PS....sorry for the depressing rant!

What is this bun thing all about?

2012-01-16T10:35:00.000-05:00

My weekend was wonderful, but while in Starbucks Sunday morning with Ryan, i noticed some girls with their hair in buns and i have never really understood this bun phenomenon, maybe it is because until recently i was a short haired girl. Or maybe it is because my hair has always been so super straight and fine that it doesn't hold a bun well. Although i am new to long hair and never know what to do, i go with down, pony tail or pulled back in a hair clip. I really think i should expand my hair knowledge. So i tried a bun on Sunday afternoon, and i really enjoyed having my hair completely out of my way. So i may be all about buns from now on...i have also learned how to twist my hair properly to get it to stay up. I had a few false starts yesterday but once i figured it out...it stayed until i fell asleep

Now onto my weekend of fun! Friday night was full of cleaning but it paid off and i am really enjoying a tidy apartment...now if only i could actually get rid of some of my unwanted clothes. I may actually have some closet space.
As for Saturday, i met Ryan at union, and we went off on our adventure...there was lots of walking and it was very VERY cold out but we managed to get steph to agree to come for coffee at Bulldog, and Jenn (double N) met us there and we had a lovely visit. Their hot chocolate was amazing! Then we hit up the new Loblaws where i enjoyed a nice quick trip into JOE to buy new grey skinny jeans...i am quite happy about them because my current grey jeans (the stretchy jeggings) are starting to wear in the bum...a hole is eminent. So to get these new ones on sale for 14 makes my day. Off to Bulk Barn where i bought gummy butterflies, yum!
Ryan also said he would help me fix my Internet, after a quick trip to best buy where i purchased a Internet thing and.....wait for it..............wait for it..............The Entire Series of Dawson's Creek!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways, we enjoyed some delicious Stockyards....i really enjoy their food!
Finally after a crazy day of moving around, and poor Ryan having to carry his bag all day.....we got into our pj's and just spent the night relaxing. I must say, relaxing with friends is always one of my favourite things. Also, i slept really well on Saturday night. But had weird dreams about cannonball school.

In other good news, my yoga instructor is like my favourite person right now because even though my yoga class go cancelled, she is going to instruct me in her own home! YAY!

And finally, Alex told me about a lipstick sale and i will be buying some today!

Snow Day

2012-01-13T10:55:00.000-05:00

It is snowing. When i first woke up, i didn't think it was snowing all that much, i judged it as a very light dusting of snow. But regardless, i was excited to get out my sorels and start stomping around all winter. Then i get outside and dude it is really snowing....and now looking out the window that i sit near, it is snowing, lots. Maybe tomorrow when Ryan comes down, we can play in the snow. Me and Heather and Radar played in the snow all the time last year. I love playing in the snow and running around like a kid!

So, what else is going on? Work is crazy and stressful, i am super excited for the weekend, i literally cannot wait for the weekend. I did some cleaning last night for my weekend visitor. I will finish cleaning tonight, i have learned that how i normally clean is just putting things in piles...which is quite interesting because when i was cleaning those piles last night, i found a lot of interesting things....and got this genius idea for a new way to hang my sunglasses.....i am still flushing out the idea but it involves metal rings and the orange twine i got for Christmas. Maybe cleaning is the new way to get my creative juices flowing!

Black Cloud

2012-01-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

So yesterday, it seemed like a black cloud settled over our building, everyone was angry and grumpy and very tense. There were people snipping at each other. All i can say, is that is not the status quo for this environment. We are usually very happy and helpful.
Why is this happening. Well i am sure you all saw the news yesterday, we are all trying to maintain a very positive outlook but i believe that everyone is just very disappointed. We worked so hard this year.

So what did i try to do...i spent a lot of energy yesterday, keeping a positive upbeat attitude and trying to help everyone else remain happy.
It is very tough to be the only one smiling....and trying to keep everyone else smiling.

In other news, i had a brilliant idea about getting my face wash thing.....well it wasn't really my idea, it was my co-workers', eBay....i am going to check out eBay!
On a side note, i was looking on eBay the other day, and the Dawson's Creek series box set is on sale for like $40 and i would like to buy it maybe.

Seriously????

2012-01-11T10:52:00.000-05:00

Here are somethings that have frustrated me this week:
1. Since i have bought my new red coat, 5 buttons have fallen off! I bought it Sunday and by Tuesday 5 buttons had fallen off. Luckily, i have managed to notice right away when they fell off and didn't lose any buttons. Last night, i cut the rest of the buttons off and re-sewed them just in case. I am thinking of pulling a steph and writing the company to complain about the shotty work.
2. Went boot shopping and all the boots right now are pretty tall...and i have to quote steph 'the little legs'. So after trying on all different types of boots yesterday, i have become unimpressed with the tall black boots that are out there. A lot of them stop right at my knee and it is not flattering to have a boot stop right under the knee cap.....then the ones that go over the knew practically swallow my entire leg. So basically i am re-thinking this whole riding boot adventure.

Now in other news, after glowing reviews from both Alex and Amy, i went to David's Tea yesterday to cheer me up after the boot and button disappointments. I got myself a set of new year teas, there are a great variety and i can't wait to try all of them. I also spent some time reviewing the winter 2011-2012 tea guide they included with my purchase. I have gone through it and highlighted every tea that interested me. I am tea obsessed again. It feels right! How could i forget about how much i love loose leaf tea?
Today's tea is called 'the skinny' and it is an oolong tea with ginger, ginseng, and orange peel.

Exciting News

2012-01-10T10:44:00.000-05:00

So, I got great news yesterday, Ryan is coming down for a visit on Saturday, and i am hosting him at my house. I am pretty excited about this because i have not hosted anyone at my place for a long while..and the last time i had people stay over it was Amy and Alex and they were doing construction in my building/apartment so everything was a complete mess.
Although, my apartment is almost always messy because the amount of clothes i have sort of exceeds the closet space i have. But, with Ryan coming for the night, it gives me a great excuse to do a big clean and purge. I keep talking about doing a clothes purge but i never have the follow through.
My place was pretty clean just before i went down to the fondue party but this last week i have been very crazy about stuff, i keep swinging between clothes organization and being very lazy...the result....clothes bomb exploded in my apartment.
So what was i talking about...oh yah, cleaning my apartment. And using my wonderful hosting skills. Also, if i do a big clean i can finally re-organize my craft area and get back into my sewing and maybe one day have unbroken curtains. Oh man...the possibilities of having a spotless apartment.

Side note....i need new boots. I know what you are thinking, you don't need another pair of shoes...but let me amaze you with my justification abilities...are you ready?
Okay, so i decided that i would buy myself a Christmas present and i had it all picked out...this face wash thing, it is called the Clarisonic or something like that...it has amazing reviews and apparently can save the world...or something like that. So i of course want it. But here is the thing, i have gone everywhere looking for it, and it is sold out in the store that sells it in Canada, and then it won't ship from the online store to Canada, so no new world saving face present to me. Which leaves me very sad. And then i put on my tall black boots I wear in the winter and their are holes in the toe and the heel. So i really need new pair. Impressed? I am going searching at lunch today. I want some tall black riding boots...i think they will really help me bring a few looks together perfectly.

The Red Coat

2012-01-09T12:26:00.000-05:00

So, I got a gift card for Christmas from my mom and dad and i decided i was going to use it for a brand new coat.
I asked my mom if she would like to come with me. I had a very certain idea of what i wanted in my mind but at the same time, i had no idea what i wanted. I know i wanted a wool/cotton jacket, in the p-jacket variety. Not one of those poofy parka jackets.
So we started at the bay, i figured they would have a great variety..but all they had was super expensive jackets that were crazy thin...they would not at all protect me from the cold. I guess rich people don't need warm jackets because they have people or car services to provide door to door service.
Then on to the regular stores in the mall, we tried roots, they had a very nice jacket with snaps and toggles but again very thin...i would defiantly have to wear a sweater underneath.
Then Melanie Lynne, i don't normally shop there because i find that it is not my kind of clothes. And as soon as we walk in, a sales person is on us immediately. I appreciate a helpful sales person but at the same time, there is a fine line between helpful and crazy pressure to buy. She forced me into a bunch of jackets and i will admit, one of the red ones she had me try on was nice but it was missing a button and i just wasn't sure it was the right jacket. Plus, to be completely truthful, i didn't want to buy it because the sales person was pressuring me so much to buy it, it had the adverse effect. As you all know the best way to get me to not do something is to pressure me to do it. I will immediately dig my heels in and refuse.
Remember kids, reverse psychology works on me remarkablely well!
So we went on to look at a few more places. We went into aritzia, and i don't know if i have ranted about them lately but dude, that is one of the only stores that can make me feel super fat.
I don't even fit into their extra large jacket. I mean, i know i have the boobs and everything but seriously, that is a skinny girl store. And then on top of that...their sales drive me crazy! They have sales racks everywhere so you are like...ya great sales...but if you actually look at the mark downs...they suck the big one. 325 marked down to 310, 280 marked down to 275...i mean really???? that is your sale, discounting like 5 dollars. That is just an insult.

Grump Day 2

2012-01-04T09:41:00.000-05:00

So, my throat infection is going great....you know...nice and sore and fueling me with grump. The other thing that is making me grumpy. My co-worker has called in sick the last two days, and i am not saying she isn't sick or anything...all i can think is...i am here and i am feeling quite zombie like today...but...i am still here. Even if i wanted to call in sick, i would feel way too guilty leaving my other co-worker by himself. So i am stuck in a catch-22, i want to call in sick but i would feel way to guilty calling in sick and wouldn't be able to relax and rest at home.

So....here i am....at work. I didn't shower this morning and i am wearing my elbow patch sweater again because it is like my security blanket...i feel better with it (i have been wearing it every day for the past like week). I am not wearing shoes and i haven't taken my hat off yet. I am debating bringing my slippers in tomorrow because if i am going to be here while i am sick...i might as well be comfortable.

There are quite a few things i want to do still is and i have had no energy to do it. I want to find a new winter jacket, get a new face wash thing, and i have a package at the post-office to pick up. Also i have boot camp tomorrow which i will force myself to go to. All i have to do is make it to Friday night.

Happy New Year

2012-01-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year everyone!

So today is my first day back to work and although i love my work, i have some sort of cold which i rang in the new year with. But in my world, my colds turn into throat infections so i am in that transition right now. Also you know how sometimes people's personalities change when they get sick...well i am normally cheerful sort at work and right now i am tired and grumpy. Very grumpy.
But i will give you guys a review of my holiday. Or the headlines of my holiday because i am too tired to re-hash the whole experience!
Headline one - Ally got overly excited Christmas eve and opened a few Christmas presents early. One of them was actually hers. It was hilarious...she was too excited to even realize that she did something wrong.
Headline two - Rocket City Rednecks, most awesome new to me show! There was a marathon Christmas day and i loved watching it, the perfect show to zone out to. Watching them build an iron man suit may have been my favourite.
Headline three - cousin's fondue......ROCKED! Alex and Matt were successful for a second year in a row to make the cousin's fondue much cooler than the adults.
And side note - I got to spend some extra time with Alex and Matt, and i never get to just hang out with them, and i had an amazing time. We didn't do anything exciting...but just hanging out, it was great. They were great hosts! I am going to make an effort to visit Kingston more often. I don't do it enough, although to be fair, i have some crazy issues i need to work on. Truth....i have trouble leaving Remy alone, i feel guilty at leaving him alone too long, and i have trouble finding someone i trust to look after him, and i also don't like bothering anyone with the responsibility of Remy. That is correct...i am a crazy cat lady.
Those are the big headlines for me.
I spent the holidays with the people i love and although i didn't do anything super exciting and blog worthy....i couldn't of had a better time.

4 and a half pints of cidar

2011-12-23T09:14:00.000-05:00

Okay people, it is my last day of work for this year and i am not feeling it at all. Why you ask.......well we went out last night to celebrate the end of the campaign, although it doesn't end until the last day of this year, this is our last time together before the new year.
I guess a lot of people appreciate me because seriously....i did not buy a single drink. I intended to not stay out to long, just go for a drink of two because i wanted to get home to grab dinner. But next thing i know it is like 10:30, i have drank 4 and a half pints and i am really tipsy. All i ate yesterday was a few timbits and a burger and fries, so i had absolutely no carbs to soak up the alcohol and i don't drink much any more so i have lost my high tolerance.
I embarrassingly had the hiccups all the way home on the subway. And if you know our family, you know we don't do quiet hiccups...they are loud! I was so embarrassed, i tried to hide the hiccups but hiding my face in my coat but than i was the weird, hiccupy girl on the subway. There was no saving the subway right...if you were on the subway last night with a weird, slightly drunk, hiccupy girl....sorry, that was me.

Now i have to make it until 1pm...then i can go home...unless we have so donations left to process....but all i really want is to just go home.

Positivity

2011-12-20T10:08:00.000-05:00

So i want to just write a quick post. I am very busy at work, we are being very positive but we have some distance to go still, and 3 and a half days left of work.
On a positive and fun note, we are having our fun floor lunch today. It should be fun and entertaining and exciting.
I also started cleaning my apartment last night. Now you guys all know, i am a messy sort of person. I love and thrive in chaos. So cleaning my apartment is never a fun time for me. But i look to find ways to make it more exciting and fun. Last night, i put in a very old but favourite movie of mine "the faculty". i am going to have to get it on DVD or something soon because i only have it on VHS and it was very grainy and not the best quality but i loved every minute of that movie.
And with that movie on...i did a good dent into my cleaning. The bedroom still needs a lot of work...a clothes bomb exploded in there. but i am going to take the time off to go through my clothes and donate all the clothes i don't wear any more in hopes of streamlining my wardrobe. Maybe get it down to a manageable amount that actually fits in my closets.

Baking Adventures

2011-12-19T11:36:00.000-05:00

You are all aware of my love of baking. And my need to do a large amount of Christmas baking....well....this was the weekend. I usually bake much earlier than the weekend before Christmas but i have been quite busy for the last like 2 months of weekends. In fact...this weekend was suppose to be my relaxing weekend with one day of baking and one day of movies and crafting. But, baking on Saturday didn't progress as fast and as easy as expected. Also dad got into the spirit and insisted on baking with me and the item he baked took very VERY long in the oven. I loved that he wanted to help and the cake he made is wonderful...it just set me back and i ended up back at mom and dad's on Sunday.
So two days of baking, 3 pounds of butter, lots of egg and sugar and here is what i made:
Lemon-Lime crinkle cookies
Tangerine Butter cookies
Butterscotch Toffee squares
Chocolate peanut butter squares
Candy Cane sugar cookies
Chocolate Chip and Skor Bit cookies

So now that i have finished that, i can rest and take it easy the rest of the week? not so much...i want to clean up my apartment tonight, shopping with dad tomorrow night, meet up with heather on Wednesday, and boot camp on Thursday.
I believe as of Friday at 1pm, i am shutting off my brain and having a nice relaxing holiday. At least that is the plan!

Hipster Leanings

2011-12-15T12:36:00.000-05:00

So you know how i love my skinny jeans that are kind of jegging like. Well i have been thinking for a long time that coloured jeans might be fun, red in particular. But you know how i have these horrible hipster leanings and i am afraid one wrong purchase and i fall right into the hipster category.
BUT....i found these red jean.....jegging jeans at American Eagle....now i don't normally shop at that store because i am not in high school....okay, i have never really felt that store, me and AE...we have never really been friends, they make clothes for tall skinny girls and let's face it...i have a big apple butt, hips, and boobs. But i was with a friend and she wanted to stop in to buy a Christmas present...and what do i see, red skinny jeans. I am drawn towards them....
I must investigate these pants further. They are soft and stretchy but they still more jean then legging. They are perfect. But of course being that this is a tiny person store, they don't have anything over a size 6. So i forgot about them.
But, i couldn't really....and last night, i found myself on the AE website......reading reviews about the fit of the pants....they are all amazingly positive reviews...i add a pair to a my shopping bag. But then i think...do i want to buy something, pants especially, that i have never even tried on, and then do i buy on the larger size or the smaller size? I was still so torn, i didn't buy them.

So do i buy them because i really really want them or do i restrain myself and not buy them? Are red jeans a step to far into hipster? How far can i go without losing my identity. If i start loving things ironically and only wearing fashion to mock it....please SAVE ME!

I had forgotten

2011-12-14T09:21:00.000-05:00

When i left customer support for that job in donations at my old work, i was showered with amazingly nice compliments and feelings of love and appreciation. I had made friends and family in customer support, they appreciated me, they didn't know how they would get on without me but they wanted only the best for me and were happy i was moving on.
When i left donations for my current job, my co-workers threw me a little party, but it was clear that it wasn't coming from the department, only my co-workers. I felt like i could walk away and no one would even notice. I spent so long in that department being a nobody, and you know me....i like to shine. I don't even need to shine much....but positive reinforcement is important to me. It makes me feel like people are noticing i am doing my best and putting a real effort into the department. That job really broke me down and made me feel worthless.
Now at my current (amazing) job, we had a team lunch on Monday and it was delicious and nice and they surprised the support staff (aka me and my two co-workers) with a lovely present and wonderful words. Dad thinks this means i will get a permanent job here but i am not even thinking about that because you know what....it is just nice to feel appreciated again. To have someone notice your effort and say good job.
The present was a lovely bottle of wine and a gift card to the mall because they know how much i love shopping. Do they know me or what.
I think i might use the gift card to help me buy those suede shoes.

Anyways....you should take a moment today and tell people how much you appreciate them...it doesn't take much effort and it can really make someones day!

Christmas Spirit

2011-12-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas is in less than two weeks and i haven't really been feeling the spirit. I have been busy and distracted. But tonight, i felt like i needed a Christmas cheer injection. I went and bought myself a real mini tree, it isn't the greatest...the selection was pretty picked over but it is cute and tiny and just what i needed to get Christmas started.
Work is really crazy right now, we have a goal we need to get to, and although all tracking is good, we are still a long way from our goal and only two weeks left. So lot's of stress at work. Lots to do. Today, i accidentally broke my filing cabinet, and had to get help to fix it.
What else is new.....well we have a work gift exchange next week and we need to bring a gift, limit is $10, so do i knit a scarf this weekend, or do i buy a holiday lotto pack?

The Party

2011-12-11T21:48:00.000-05:00

So, it's Sunday night, i went to bed last night at 3:30am and got up at 8:45am for yoga class at 9:30am. Crazy right? Actually i feel quite invigorated today and not at all yucky.
How was the party.....it was amazing, it went really great! Now the task of being a hostest is quite time consuming, every time i sat down to catch up with someone, a person requested one of my signature drinks. Yes, that's right me and Amy and Justin all had signature drinks for everyone to try. Not that i am biased or anything but mine was delicious.....okay, i am totally biased.
What rocked about the party, everyone looked wonderful, Ryan did an amazing job with music (superstar), the food - Justin did amazing, and the people.
What disappointed me slightly....i didn't really get to catch up with the people i wanted too. I kept getting distracted...maybe i have ADD, every time i talked to someone, there was so much noise, i had trouble focusing on the person in front of me. It was a little overwhelming.....by the end of the night, i was a little mad at myself. Does what i am saying make sense...not really.
I mean, i had amazing time and i am so happy that everyone else had a great time....and i believe we are going to do it again next year! But sometimes i wish, we all just snuggled up in some pj's and watched a movie. I miss snuggling with people, hugs and snuggles, the closeness with another person, a large party is amazing and super fun to catch up with people but not so great with bonding and closeness.

Okay, be prepared, i am going off on a major side tangent. But my insecurities are acting up again...and i need to vent them so i can acknowledge them, concur them and then move on. Although, my process doesn't seem to be working so well because it is the same insecurity over and over again. From the outside last night, i was dressed amazing, making up and hair rocked and although i kept yanking down my dress/tunic because really it was way too short to call it a dress, it was a well planned and amazing outfit, i planned and loved every detail of it. But if that is the case, why did i not feel very pretty last night? I felt insecure and awkward and overwhelmed. Why do i continue to seek acceptance and approval from people? why do i keep waiting for some guy to wake up and notice me....and why when i am attracted to someone, i can't even maintain eye contact or i become some sort of weird fidgety awkward kid? I know why....i am a coward...i would prefer to wear a mask than let someone see my vulnerability. Seems weird, wanting to hide my vulnerability in person when i basically bare my soul in this blog all the time. But it is one thing to write it down anonymously it is another to look another person in the eyes worrying that they will somehow see through you, see your feelings.
It's such a catch-22, i am finally ready and searching for a person who will love me as i am, who will see me but all the people i am attracted too, i have trouble letting them actually see me. I can't control my fears and awkwardness.

Okay...sorry.....depressing and blah...that was not the point of this post...but it has been waying on my mind since the party....surrounded by friends....wishing i wasn't so afraid.

Black Pumps

2011-12-09T09:51:00.000-05:00

I am so glad it is Friday....But i have lots to accomplish today. Also, i need to re-evaluate my need for black pumps. I have never owned a straight pair of black pumps, i have 3 pairs of ankle boots, two pairs of motorcycle/combat boots, lots of flats and one pair of tall boots....but no pair of black pumps. I have been told that ever girl needs a plain pair of black pumps. But i have survived this long without a pair. is it really necessary for me to own a pair. And of course the pair i want isn't the most sensible pair of black pumps. They are super tall and suede.

As you can see....they are just a little too impractical to be my plain pair of black pumps. But they will make me like so much taller and .... and ..... i just want them.

12 Days

2011-12-07T10:29:00.000-05:00

Sorry to scare all of you but, there are 12 days left of work for me until a mini vacation. When you don't get vacation, you sort of become obsessed with time off. I think we can officially say that i am obsessed. Things are reeving up here because really we have 12 days left of campaign. 12 days left to raise funds.

Steph has suggested that i get these larabars for breakfast...since i have so much trouble eating breakfast. Well, it's day two. I am not a great fan...steph said that they were delicious but i find them a little too heavy on the date.

But the effort to get fit....it is a work in process. I wanted to be all fit and skinny for our Christmas party but then....i caved at ate some potato chips last night while watching glee. So i will be regular Me on Saturday and not super hot and skinny me. But either way we will still have super fun.
I have been doing some appetizer research and cocktail research...Martha Steward is a great website for that.