This Much Love

A Full Life

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 21:31:00 +0000

My life is full right now. And that's a good thing - i think. I'm a busybody at heart and so the more i have to do, the more at ease I feel. Well, my youngest daughter is about to graduate high school and head off to college. I have assumed new responsibilities at work that call for me to be in the office more than last year. I volunteered to head the Women's Ministry at church.

While it may look like i must be on the verge on tipping over, that's not actually so. My husband once commented that i work best under pressure, and because that seemed like not a good thing, i started to protest. But I knew what he said was the truth and decided to accept it for that.

I guess i'm saying all of that to also confess as to why i have not been blogging much of late. But the urge hit me again, and so here's my musings for the day.

Blessings to you.....

Vanessa

Lord Give Me Strength

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:42:00 +0000

It is one of the greatest joys of my life to serve the Lord in the manner He has called me to serve this year -- as the Women's Ministry Leader at my home church. What a challenge it will be - - personally and spiritually. I will be stretched in my study, prayer and fellowship. But....thank You Lord. What an amazing, unexpected answer to one of my long held prayers.

Over and over I see how His Ways are so much higher than my ways, and His Thoughts eons above my thoughts. I am only something because He created me.

Why does it seem that with joy comes challenge? I am excited today about the ministry work I have to do, and at the same time, opposition unlike what i've faced before has presented itself in other areas of my life. I thank the Lord for His Word which is full of promises to which I cling, and safety to which I run.

The walk of salvation is miraculous. There is nothing like it. Learning to fully trust, rely and rest in The Lord comes as a result of never letting Him go, no matter where in the walk you find yourself.

May you fully experience the growth, servanthood and love that He has for you.

BRRRRrrrrrrr..

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 10:42:00 +0000

It's cold here in Georgia, but nonetheless, I arose from my bed in the wee hours of the morning to get some work done. Before turning my computer off and heading upstairs to prepare for heading in to the office though, I wanted to write my first post of 2010.

I don't have any deep thoughts or pondered ideas to share. I just wanted to wake up and thank God for yet another day, another month, another year and another beginning. I am gratefull for new beginnings, they have given me joy and reasons to smile over the years.

I pray that you, your family and all those you love are showered with the wonder that a new year and new begginings offer.

Blessings to you.....

Success Was and Is...

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:41:00 +0000

I was participating in an online forum the other day and someone asked for advice on attaining success. This actually turned out to be a forum topic I could personally answer with just a few clicks of the keyboard, because this very question posed itself to me, only hours before.

For as far back as I can remember, I held one visualization of having “made it”. I would have attained success when the start of my work day included strolling down a big city street, swinging (not too hard as to hit a passerby and start a city scene, though), a leather briefcase (you name the designer), walking into a skyscraper to ride the elevator to the 21st floor, plopping down in my soft as a baby’s skin leather chair, and making two complete rotations to capture (1) the amazing city scape and (2) my employees peering into my office window. This mini success commercial has been with me for so long that although my day begins with dropping my daughter off to school then racing in a four door sedan to the park and ride, every now and then, I replay my commercial and smile.

What I did not realize in those pre-career, dare to dream days, was that most roads have pebbles, stones and people on them that can make you trip, completely fall or knock you down. I’ve had a few unexpected stumbles and some intentional pushes, that left me with badly scraped and bloodied knees. As these scenes were nowhere in my success commercial, I was never sure what to do after a fall. Should I turn around? Place a call to the city office for them to fix their roads? Do I push the one who pushed me back? The decisions, scrapes and blood sometimes paralyzed me. Most of the time I just wanted to disappear. I did not want to see the red drips. I did not want to walk – it hurt. I did not want anyone to see me looking like anything but the pretty, professional, briefcase swinging woman who lived in my mind.

Today, as I walk my city streets, a simple glimpse at my reflection in a glassed building puts me face to face with the woman I have become…A woman whose scarred knees bring back memories of the shared stories, pain and laughter of those who too had fallen on their roads…A woman whose limp has given her a new definition of having “made it”. Success, for me, is having the courage to stand up and keep walking no matter how many falls or failures there have been - - and perhaps getting a few good rotations in a top of the line recliner.

An African Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 00:30:00 +0000

Christmas for many people, is most special as a child. Not all children, however are fortunate enough to have their year long wishes come true, but they hang on to hope nonetheless. My husband is from Accra, Ghana and his childhood Christmases were quite different from mine. Here is a description of a Ghanian Christmas celebration as written on www..santas.net/africanchristmas:

"In Ghana, on Africa's west coast, most churches herald the coming of Christmas by decorating the church and homes beginning with the first week in Advent, four weeks before Christmas. This season happens to coincide with the cocoa harvest, so it is a time of wealth. Everyone returns home from wherever they might be such as farms or mines.

On the eve of Christmas, children march up and down the streets singing Christmas Carols and shouting "Christ is coming, Christ is coming! He is near!" in their language. In the evening, people flock to churches which have been decorated with Christmas evergreens or palm trees massed with candles. Hymns are sung and Nativity plays are presented.

On Christmas Day, children and older people, representing the angels in the fields outside Bethlehem, go from house to house singing. Another church service is held where they dress in their native attire or Western costumes. Later on there is a feast of rice and yam paste called fufu with stew or okra soup, porridge and meats. Families eat together or with close neighbors, and presents are given."

Although the Christmas celebrations of my husband's childhood are quite different from mine, we celebrate with shared joy and eagerness all the same.

The Miracle of Memories

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:56:00 +0000

A conversation i was having with a couple of friends today took me back to one of my favorite childhood memories. We were sitting at a lunch table and there were Keno cards beside us. One of my friends asked where the screen with the Keno numbers were. I had never played or even heard of Keno, but I recollected and began to talk about the remembrances I have of playing PoKeno at my grandmother's house.

I last lived with my grandma about 20 years ago. Her house was one of refuge. It was a place to go if you wanted to feel good. You didn't have to be good or smart or pretty to get into grandma's house. You just had to have a way to make it there. Sometimes I would ride my bike, the bus or beg for a ride. When I needed a few moments of safety, I found a way to my grandma's.
Each time I would mount the steps, the red rosebush that grew along the stoop rail, seemed to bend a little so that I would notice, touch and adore them before entering the home. Once inside, the gleeful braggings of card players, the beat of soulful music and the succulent aromas of southern comfort food, welcomed me. Very rarely if ever, were words of love ever expressed. They didn't have to be. It was clear. Grandma's house was filled with a love that went beyond words. The smiles, the sounds and the smells said it all.

Thanks For Giving

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:36:00 +0000

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It is the one time of year that obligates family to come together and reminisce. Thanksgiving, for me, is an awakening of all of my senses. The colors and aromas of the food and the crisp resurrected melodies of Motown, the Beatles and the BeeGees warm my soul. During this time with family and friends, the state of the economy does not matter, for my focus is on the gracious riches I have undeservingly been bestowed.

Thanksgiving, without fail, invites me to have a seat and observe the screenplay of my life. It is during these days that I can see, smell, feel, hear and touch the experiences - the horrid as well as the happy, and end up crying tears of joy and shouting thanks to God. For it is only when I look back that I see how amazing He has been to me. He protected me when I could not see the danger. He provided for me when I had no idea from where my next meal would come. He taught me how to love. I can never, ever thank Him enough. My words are too small. They can never express the gratitude, but they're all I have. Thank you Lord. Thank you God. Thanks for all of Your Giving.

When a Break is Necessary

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:36:00 +0000

"For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His." Hebrews 4:10

I am trying, desperately trying to learn to rest when necessary. This is a tough assignment for me because i love to do stuff. All kinds of stuff. Write. Read. Make jewelry. Paint. When shoulder aches, head aches, and fatigue became daily visitors of mine a couple of months ago, I knew it was time to slow down and get some rest. The thoughts of peace, quiet, and nothing to do were not ones i welcomed, but gave in to anyway.

So, for the past two months I did less and less stuff and more and more digging into scripture and spending time with God. I have had a renewing unlike anything i've experienced in a long, long time. The highlight of my every morning is riding the express bus to work with my overhead white light reading lamp shining on the revelation of God, as the words warm my heart and make my spirit dance. My life, by doing less, has become more full.

I pray the same for you. If you are a busybody, I challenge you to force yourself to be still sometimes. Fall is here and winter is on it's way. Make a cup of hot chocolate with some whipped cream or marshmallows, turn up the fireplace, find a seat in a comfy chair and read the key chapters in a book of the Bible of your choosing. Doing this will leave you quite refreshed, renewed and ready for even more.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

God bless....

Just Say No

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 22:30:00 +0000

It hit me about a mile and a half from home. The light turned green, I proceeded to drive cautiously but somewhat speedily as I'd had a long, long, long, long, long day at work. If I had received just one more request from a co-worker to deliver data that was already in their possession, I think I would have had a mild meltdown. The new organization structure (which I am not crazy about - at all), the lack of initiatives taken by those who should take it, and the what seems like never ending demands, were heavy on my mind as I rolled through the light.

Then - in a split second, it hit me in my chest extremely hard. WHAT are you doing complaining and murmuring about the lost? AAAAAHHHHH - such a jolting sensation. Conviction sat beside me and lowered the volume of the radio. OOOOOOHHHHHH NOOOOO. I heard it all. How? How? How? - could you talk about the work ethics of your coworkers to a nonbeliever? You've got a lot of cleanup to do, and do not bother taking lunch tomorrow because you will be having several dishes of humble pie. Where was God's glory in your behavior today? Instead of talking about how poorly someone works, why don't you help them improve? It might not be in your job description, but God will be glorified through your loving (uncomplaining) actions. If your boss never has team meetings and doesn't communicate with you in a manner in which you need him to, why not give him suggestions instead of looking and asking for ways to get from under his leadership? There was nothing I could say to conviction. I knew the truth when I heard it.

The scripture verse I memorized five weeks ago, is Luke 9:23 "If anyone wants to come with me, he must deny himself, pick up his cross daily and follow me." For weeks I've been praying to the Lord to reveal exactly what that meant for me. Today, my prayer was answered. If I am faced with circumstances which will feed my ego or flesh, just say no, for there is no glory to God in that. If, on the other hand, I have an opportunity to forgo the flesh (i.e., taking a stand to prove that I am right), I must choose to deny the fleshly cravings. Use the situation to teach, help or support another. With such behavior, God can be glorified.

This was a really hard lesson. I am humbled, heartbroken, but headed, now, on a different road. If there will be wars waged at work, they will be me against my flesh. Trust me, I know I will be engaging in the fights of my life. But in the past few weeks and months, I've been losing, and getting beat up really badly. It's time for me to fight back. I am going in armed with the Word of God, but I also need your prayers. For any of you that may be engaged in similar battles, I will pray for you too. Father I live to show You how grateful I am for giving me a new life. Forgive me when I fail to live worthy. May You be glorified in the lives of us who are hopeless to glorify You, without You.

A Laugh A Day Keeps...

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 22:13:00 +0000

Here's my joke of the day (one I read and liked)....

A little boy asked his grandmother how old she was. "39 and holding," she replied. "Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"

Leave a comment with your joke of the day...

Giggles In a Boardroom

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 21:19:00 +0000

One of the best sounds I have ever heard and continue to hear, is the laugh of a child.

About a month ago, I was in an executive meeting. Before I left my office to attend the conference, I put my cell phone in my pocket so that in case my daughter called, I would feel the vibration, politely excuse myself from the room and answer my daughter's call. While in the meeting, the phone became uncomfortable so I placed it on the conference room table. As the (very, very, high level) officer was conducting his meeting, the sound of a laughing baby filled the room. All other talking ceased. I looked at my phone in disbelief and absolute horror. I forgot to put the phone on vibrate and so my laughing baby ringtone usurped control of the meeting. As I stood up, to leave the room, I heard "That is the cutest cell phone ring." It was the (very, very, high level) officer. I looked at him as I scooped the phone off the table, and there he sat smiling at me and the sound of the laughing baby. Giggles in the boardroom took center stage that day.

I love to laugh. I hope you do too. So, do you have a good (of course clean), joke to share? Well don't keep it to yourself, let us hear it.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

Yet Another Blog?

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:31:00 +0000

Since August 20th, the day I wrote the first post, I have been pondering the reason why I created this site and what , after sharing my testimony, would I write about? What would be the point of yet another blog? After contemplating, praying and staying in The Word, I believe that this tiny space in the universe is to be one where through honest conversation, the healing power, love, grace and mercy of Jesus can be shared in such a way as to, as Paul puts it in Philipians 3:14, "... press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

If you, like me, sometimes feel as though this walk is uphill, against hurricane like winds, that takes every ounce of blood, sweat and tears to keep pressing forward, here you will find encouragment to keep on pushing. Or, perhaps you are walking on dark roads, unable to rid yourself of destructive habits or life patterns, and wonder if love and light are ever to be found. Many of us have been where you are and here you will discover some amazing ways by which our lives were changed, and hopefully, yours can change too.

I pray that through laughter, tears, screams and shouts, we can all find the love and life that our Maker wants us to have. One wherein we: (1) discover and use gifts we never knew we had, (2)are unafraid and unashamed to let others know the source of our joy and (3) become the men and women we were created to be. This journey will not always be easy. Some of us may have to revisit places in our memories to which we never wanted to return. Others of us will have to get honest, real honest, perhaps for the first time in a long while, or ever. But without facing the giants in our lives, we cannot obtain the victory waiting right behind it. God told the leader Joshua, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." No matter the giant, no matter how long it's hovered over you, no matter the lies it whispers, know that with God, it can be defeated!

Find someone to encourage today.

Becoming UnVeiled

noreply@blogger.com (Vanessa Renee) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:18:00 +0000

Breathing while not alive isn't easy. In fact, it is HARD! You can see, smell, eat, laugh and participate in all of the activities in which living humans engage. But when you're breathing while not alive, a veil covers your senses. Your sight is not as sharp, smells are not as sweet, food is not as savory and laughter is not as authentic or deep, as that of the living ones. You walk around with the barely audible, but ever present question - What is wrong with me?

In my particular case, there were many clues that I belonged to the not so select group of merely breathers. The first one was my relationships, or should I say, lack thereof. I found it nearly impossible to bond with living ones. They laughed deep and loud at even the slightest hint of humor, enjoyed talking on the telephone, going to the theatre, turning the volume all the way up for their favorite song, and on and on. Their presence was a constant reminder of how full of life they were, and I wasn't. Their lives were confirmation that something was indeed wrong with me.

At a particular point in time, the inability to connect with the living became unbearable. My senses had become more heavily veiled. I had to do something. My breathing was at stake. I began searching for something or someone to help me. I called a couple of therapists but could not bring myself to actually go to one. After all, others might have thought I was crazy or something. Instead, I quit my job. I figured I was just tired and needed a break. I was hoping and believed that if I could simply rest and get away from having to face the living every day, the veil would not only thin, but eventually disappear. I was, I thought, journeying toward life.

With nothing but time on my hands, I was asked to help start a computer training program. Teaching afforded me the opportunity to control the veil, and I enjoyed it, so I agreed. For the first two months of the program there were no students. Zero. Null. Zilch. Then one day, a woman with a cane walked in. She held a crumpled up flyer that she'd found on the ground on her two mile walk. "I'm so glad I found you, I would like to learn how to use the computer," she said, smiling at me the entire time. Discomfort entered the room. She handed me the piece of paper, wrote her name and telephone number on it, and said she would be back tomorrow.

For three months, I taught one student how to use the computer. The woman with the cane. I grew up without a mother and she would have been my mother's age. I began looking forward to her visits. We'd laugh, she gave me advice. I taught her how to use Excel and Word. She invited me to her church. I declined. She didn't push. I was glad. It's not that I didn't want to go with her. It's that I didn't want to go to church. One of the last church experiences I remembered before the day of her offer, is being escorted from a regular member's seat to a seat for visitors, many rows behind where I chose to sit. That was not a happy moment for me. Rather than stay where I was placed, I left, vowing never to return. Another time, many, (many), years ago when I was about eight, I was singing in a choir in the church around the corner from my Brooklyn house. After rehearsal, I ran outside to get on my bike and ride home. The problem was, someone had stolen my bike.

My student invited me to church three times over a four month period. She was so kind and still my only paying student, so I accepted the third invitation. And, she promised I would enjoy the experience. My family and I visited New Life Baptist church in the spring of 1999. We were greeted with open arms and hugs by all we encountered - none of whom we personally knew. Different, I thought. We walked into the sanctuary and the worship music lifted me off of my feet, such that I floated to the seat I was being led to. My feet did not land until I reached the pew section to which I was assigned. I looked my husband in his eyes and tried without success, to share with him what my soul was uttering. I hoped he was able to tell. I heard beautiful music. I saw kindness displayed to strangers. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was a God, and he was in that place. I felt Him. I knew He led me there. I was sure I'd never be the same. I did not know how to do church. I didn't know the lingo, the vernacular, or the culture. But after that first visit, I never stopped going. Over the months, I began to feel a love, a cleansing, a healing, I never thought would be possible for me. My smile was reclaimed. Flowers were brighter and smelled sweeter. I met wonderful, new friends. I cried. I laughed. I was beginning to live.

In April of 2000, the pastor invited all who wanted to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, to come to the altar. I had been attending New Life for one year and I knew exactly what that meant. I was sure of what accepting Him would do for me. I understood and agreed that I was in a terrible place. I realized how horrible sin is. That because of it, I had suffered greatly and because of my commiting it, was overwhelmed with guilt. I knew that the only way to become fully unveiled and live was to be reconciled with the God who created me, loves me and wants me to love Him too. I excused myself past those who sat beside me in the pew. I walked down the aisle to the altar. People clapped. I reached the pastor. He reached out his hand, looked me in the eye and said, "This is the best decision you can ever make. Do you admit that you are a sinner?" "Yes." "Do you believe that God raised Jesus from the dead?" "Yes." "Do you accept Jesus Christ as the Lord and Master of your life?" "Yes." Claps and band music filled the sanctuary. I was ready to return to my seat, but the pastor didn't let my hand go. When the music subsided, he had one more thing to say to me, "Jesus died for you, the least you can do is live for Him."

Nine years ago I was given a new life, just as God promised. Today, I am alive and loving it. Life is by no means perfect. There are times when I want to stay in the bed all day to not have to deal with whatever. And there are times when I wish I could keep reliving a particular day. But unlike in my old veiled life, I am able to face and take on, each day's challenges. The last statement my pastor made to me on the day I was saved, "Jesus died for you, the least you can do is live for Him," has called me to more than just taking on challenges, however. I want to live for Him. I want everything I do, to bring Him glory. I want people to know what He did for me. I want to thank Him and show Him how much I love Him, by living my alive life for Him. If you also know the life found in Jesus, will you join me in doing the same? If you have never experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ, I invite you to open yourself to the possibility of being alive in ways you cannot imagine.